01x05 - Beach Beavers a-Go-Go/Deranged Ranger

[bunniefuu]

[ Lively dance music playing]

♪ A-a-a-angry beavers

♪ Beavers.

But, norb...

Everybody migrates south for the winter.

Actually...

Only certain species of birds do.

Work with me, norb.

Dag, we're beavers.

Duh. That doesn't mean

We have to stay cooped up in that freezing dam all winter.

We could be having fun in the sun.

[ Chuckles]

See?

Sun.

Fun.

And limbo beach parties.

Not to mention

Acres and acres of sweet, chewy

Palm tree bark.

Oh!

It does look pretty tempting.

But it just doesn't seem natural.

Besides there's plenty of activities

For us to do right here.

A whole winter's worth

Of quality viewing.

Television?!

You're pathetic.

[ Wind howling]

No.

It's here.

I can feel it.

What's here?

Winter, norb.

That cursed, dreaded winter is here.

Please, norb.

Let's get out of here while we still can!

Get ahold of yourself, dag.

Winter's not going to be here

For another two... Months.

Well, i, I guess a little vacation wouldn't hurt.

Ooh!

I'm telling you, norbie.

You won't be sorry.

Soon we'll be relaxing on a sunny beach.

This is going to be the best winter ever.

I hope you're right, dag.

'Cause you know, this isn't...

I, i, I know

This isn't natural.

Trust me, will you?

Here comes our ride.

[ Horn blowing]

Check it out, norb.

We're migrating.

[ Hiccups]

I swallowed a bug.

[ Brakes screech]

"Welcome to a sunny beach."

We're there, norbie.

Come on.

Hey.

See, norb?

Why watch tales of renegade beach copson tv

When you can live it, baby?

[ Sizzling]

Hey.

Something smells great.

[ Both sniffing]

I bet it's one of those beach luau-type barbecues.

[ Beavers grunting]

[ Both sigh]

Well, that was fun.

Maybe we can find a pile of broken glass next.

Come on, norb.

Part of the fun of migrating

Is adapting to your new surroundings.

[ Loud chomp]

[ Screams...]

Check it out, norb.

The big beaver-huna is ready to hit the beach.

Let's do it, baby.

Look, dag, don't you think

We ought to kind of ease into things?

Don't be such a wimpy lame-o.

You can lay around if you want

But I'm going to be living large

And ripping it up with all the grommets

And righteous coastal buddies.

That's beach talk.

Pretty cool...

[ Grunts]

Whatever you say, moondaggie.

Daggett: "volleyball tournament today."

We are there!

I don't know, dag.

We never played before.

Shouldn't we just... Watch for a while?

Watch?!

We're here to have fun.

Volleyball's easy-peasey.

Just stick with the beaver-huna.

I'll show you how.

[ Laughs]

[ Grunts]

Ooh!

[ All shouting]

Hmm.

[ Crowd cheering]

[ Kissing noisily]

[ Players shouting]

Game point!

Uh, you might want to move up, guys.

We got a rookie serving here.

[ Laughing]

Yeah, that's right.

I'm talking about you, fuzz wad.

Let's see what you got, baby.

Come on.

Bring it home.

The beaver-huna's going for the big block.

Help me!

[ Cheering]

Hey, you were right.

That was a blast!

If you're not having a good time, say so.

We could, you know, go back home.

Are you kidding?

I'm having a great time.

Let me give you the bighigh five.

Come on, you stupid [ grunts], stupid thing.

[ Shouts]: hey, you stupid thing.

You can't leave me here.

[ Engine roaring]

Hey, dag, look at me!

Man, I love it here.

Yeah.

Me, too.

Spooty-headed show-off, I'll show him.

Come on, you stupid thing.

Let's go.

♪ Went down to the beach

♪ Looking for some fun

♪ Saw the sweetest girl ever under the sun ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah♪

♪ Wa-hoo

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah♪

♪ Wa-hoo

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah♪

♪ Whoa-ho

♪ From the highest mountains to the deep blue sea ♪

♪ I know that she's the only girl for me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah♪

Ha! You call that music?

I'll show him some music.

[ Loosening lips]

[ Clears throat]

All right, let's burn!

Hah!

[ Tweeting]

[ Squeaking]

[ Screaming...]

[ Blows raspberry]

[ Panting]

Die, you stupid thing, die.

[ Banging, honking]

[ Screaming]

♪ She's the prettiest thing that I've ever seen ♪

♪ I'm the king of the surf

♪ And she's my little beach queen ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah♪

♪ Wa-hoo!

[ Sour sax notes blowing]

♪ Wa-hoo...

[ Banging and squeaking]

♪ Whoa-oh.

[ Daggett screaming]

[ Crowd laughing]

[ Saxophones tweeting]

[ Engine revving]

Die, you stupid thing, die.

[ Cheering]

Moondaggie.

Glad you could make it.

Some party, huh?

Hey, cool hair!

Norb, I should've listened to you.

You were right.

We shouldn't be here.

It's wrong, it's wrong.

Do you hear me?

I want to go home where it's safe.

I want to watch some tv.

What do you mean, go home?

We've got some fun in limbo beach party.

Just like you said.

We got to do this every year.

Right, guys?

Daggett: heh?

Where did everybody go?

[ Rumbling]

See, I told you we should go home.

You also told us

We should come here in the first place.

What do we do now?

Look.

It's a drain.

Come on.

[ Creaking]

That was nuts.

Hey!

We're home!

Ah!

Ice cold, freezing snow.

This is the only way to spend winter.

Whatever you say, dag.

Hey, we're home in time

For tales of renegade beach cops.

Ooh, boy!

[ Laughing maniacally]

You've got to be kidding.

[ Screaming]

Man: so the mushroom spills its little spore thingies

And, whammo! Life begins anew.

Any questions?

Hey, ranger phil

When are you going to fix

That leak in the stream?

The dripping keeps me awake all night.

Yeah, that's a noisy stream.

I'm working on it.

Any other questions?

Ranger phil, is there anything you can do

About all these trees?

They're just too tall

And too green.

I agree totally.

Too tall and too green.

All I see here

Is green, green, green.

Next question.

Ranger phil, the mud in this forest

Is way too muddy.

When are you going to do something about that?

Yeah, when?

The pine needles are sticky!

Yeah! You tell him! Right on!

We won't stand for it!

Go get him!

[ Huffing]

Mm... Fight the power.

Yeah...

Fight the power!

Please, this is a nature talk, not a complaint window.

Don't you have questions about the north american mushroom?

All: no!

Fine. If you don't care, I don't care.

I tried improving this uncultured, uncivilized...

[ Scornfully]: forest

And all I get is grief.

Well, I quit!

I'm out of here!

I never wanted to be a ranger.

I always wanted to be...

A figure skater.

See you at the ice show, boys.

From now on, you're on your own.

Hey, go ahead.

Join your spooty old ice show.

We don't need no big-talking, figure-skating

Mushroom-loving weirdoes around here.

Any half-wit can do your job.

[ Laughing maniacally]

[ All chattering excitedly]

Hey, ranger phil!

We need a ranger!

We need a new ranger!

Wait, we can't give this job to just any half-wit.

We need a genuinehalf-wit.

All in favor of dag for ranger, say "aye."

All: aye!

[ Squeaks]

Congratulations, dag!

You're our new half-wi...

[ Snickering]

...forest ranger.

Heh? Eeh, ah, me?

I, uh, wh, da-da-da-da..

Fantastic acceptance speech.

You'll make a great ranger.

Like you said, any half-wit can do the job.

Ya, eeh...

Yeah!

You know, you're right.

Okay, listen up.

I'm your new ranger and from now on

All complaints will be brought to me--

In writing.

[ Loudly]: can you hear the dripping stream?

Problem solved.

[ Bird shrieking]

[ Rattling]

[ Rat-a-tat-tatting]

Problem solved.

Muddy mud?

Problem solved.

Ouch.

These rocks hurt my feet.

Problem solved.

Linoleum?

[ Yelping, crashing]

[ Crashing]

Bird:gross!

Ranger dag...

They're getting their ugly paw prints

All over the linoleum.

You're right.

Listen up!

In order to keep our forest floor

Shiny and clean...

Dag, whatever you're planning

I don't know if it's such a good idea.

Shh! Listen up!

From this moment forward

All forest citizens shall be required to walk in...

Bear feet.

We already have bare feet.

Not bare feet.

Bear feet slippers.

Problem sol-ved.

Newsreel announcer: ranger dag. He solves problems.

Since becoming our most beloved leader

Ranger dag has brought us

Law and order.

[ Playing marching band music...]

[ Old film projector clacking...]

Newsreel announcer: and now for the future

Ranger dag is preparing to bring us more laws.

Because ranger daggett says...

[ Spitting]

No spitting.

[ Sniffing]

No sniffing.

No shedding.

No eating.

What's that? No eating.

[ Gags]

And last, but not least:

No blinking.

[ Marching band music continues...]

[ Music rises to crescendo]

[ Teeth rattling]

Remember, ranger daggett says...

I'm watching you and not frolicking.

That was a terrible film.

Ranger daggett says: no criticizing the film.

This is ridiculous.

I'm going home

To listen to my radio.

[ Playing jazz]

I can't believe it.

My own brother.

You know the rules, norb.

No radio playing.

I was grooming you to be my assistant.

Now... This.

By the way, where are your bear feet?

Dag, I'm not wearing bear feet.

I'm not turning off the radio.

I'm sick of this.

I can't eat, I can't blink.

I can't criticize the film.

Of course you can criticize the film.

Did you think it was fantastic

Or wonderful?

I think you've lost it.

All these rules--

There ought to be a rule against you!

Citizens of the forest!

I'm going underground

To form an underground resistance movement!

Anyone who wants to join me

You know where I'll be.

Where?

I'm not telling you.

Hey!

You, you come back here right now!

I-i-i just made a new rule

Against going underground

To form underground resistance movements.

Hey! You're in trouble now.

[ Muttering]

Come back here!

[ Muttering] ooh!

Now what do we do?

You can't run from me.

Ranger dag sees and hears all.

I know you're down there.

I hear everything.

You guys are in trouble now.

Hey!

Who's behind this... Madness?

[ Teeth chattering]

Hey, no eating!

Who's been eating around here?

[ Gasps]

A giant jalapeno bundt cake!

My favorite.

[ Metallic clank]

No littering.

At least that "no shedding" billboard survived.

Ooh!

[ Yelping]

[ All laughing]

[ Muttering, yelping]

That's it.

They want to play rough, do they?

I'll show them rough.

No more ranger nice beaver.

No animals allowed in the forest?

Daggett: that's right.

New rule.

So get out, all of you, now!

That's right. Go!

You are all banned from the forest.

What about you, dag?

You're an animal!

Heh?

[ Stammering]

Except... For beavers.

Everyone else must leave.

So go!

Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo!

Psst! Scat!

I said there's an exception for beavers

In case you didn't hear me.

Fine, be that way.

I'll make sure you and all your animal friends

Never get in again.

[ Grimly]: no one's getting past ranger dag.

No one!

No one's getting in here except beavers.

Like, like that beaver over there.

Or... That flying beaver.

Or that fish beaver there.

Let the beavers in!

Beavers are allowed.

All beavers, except norb.

You just wear these fake teeth

And dag will never know.

We'll teach him a lesson this time.

Is this great or what?

I think this is ridiculous.

I'm tired of teaching lessons.

Dag's going down for good this time!

Are you with me?!

All: yeah!

Hold on! I don't want to hurt the guy.

Just humble him.

How about this--

We keep wearing the beaver teeth

And play more tricks on him?

[ Laughing]

I am tired of these teeth.

I'd rather fight as a squirrel than live as a beaver.

Charge!

[ All roaring]

He's over there!

Come on!

[ Yelling]

[ All squealing]

[ Burping]

Hey! No burping allowed.

[ Burping]

Okay, you want to fight

I'll give you a fight!

You'll never defeat ranger dag!

Well, maybe at some future date you'll defeat ranger dag.

Okay! I'm defeated!

[ Thump]

Hey, cut it out!

He's had enough.

[ All chomping]

[ Whimpering]

Will you stop already?!

Can't you see this pathetic little beaver is hurting?

Come on, forest friends!

Look at yourselves!

You wanted a new ranger, you got it.

Oh, sure he turned out to be half the ranger

And twice the half-wit we thought he was...

Hey! Ooh!

...but he's still my brother.

So if any of you wants to get rid of dag

You're going to have to get rid of me too!

[ Softly]: did I say that?

[ All snarling...]

[ Moaning]

More weight on the inside of your skate

Like this.

That's okay, it's not easy being a big-talking

Figure-skating weirdo

But you'll learn.

Hey, did I ever tell you

About the life cycle

Of the north american mushroom...

And nickelodeon]