03x22 - Strange Allure/Partying Is Such Sweet Sorrow

[bunniefuu]

[ Lively dance music playing]

♪ A-a-a-angry beavers

♪ Beavers.

[ Laughter]

[ Humming]

[ Evil laughter]

[ Yelling]

Yeow!

[ Screaming]

[ Groaning]

There you have it:

An emergency splenectomy in just ten minutes

Using only a melon baller and rubber adhesive.

Next time, we'll show you how to perform a full spinal transplant

From a genetically engineered pig

Using only pinking shears and a putty Kn*fe

Right here on the home surgery channel.

Bye-bye.

Oh, piece of cake!

He'll never miss that nasty old spleen.

Ow!

[ Sobbing]

Norbie! Norbie! Norbie! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

I got an ouchie! Owie, owie, owie! Owie, owie!

Calm yourself, my little dagsel in distress

And I will... Examine the problem.

Don't touch it. You're going to hurt it.

Give it to me straight, doc-- will I

Be able to play the violin?

I don't see why not.

Funny, I've never been able to play before.

[ Imitates rim sh*t]

Fortunately, you and I have advanced...

Sorry, let me try that again.

Yeah? Okay, go.

Fortunately for you

I have advanced

Medical training: johns hopkins, harvard med...

Various swedish clinics.

Really?

All right, I'm lying

But I've seen a lot of doctoring on the tv.

What a doctor does is order everyone around

'Cause you're just so darned important.

Get on the table!

[ Screaming]

Nurse! I want this patient prepped and shaved!

Shave him good. Stat!

Give me an i.v. Drip

A lower g.i., A big p.u. Stat! Stat! Stat!

[ Elevator music playing]

Now, lay down perfectly still while I scrub up.

Stay!

Spooty old fishing lure...

You really hurt me

You spooty old lure.

[ Lips smacking]

Huh? You're sorry for what you did?

You're not like all those other lures, are you?

I can see it in your... Eyes.

I know this sounds ooky

But I feel as if I've known you forever.

Well, maybe not forever-- a couple of hours, but...

Do you feel the same way, too?

You do? You do!

You do! I knew it!

I can't even say "you do?"

Because that's a question as if you answered

So let me try that again.

You do, you do. I knew it!

This is just so wonderful, my little... Angel eyes.

I've considered the options

And normal surgical procedures just won't do.

Our only chance is a radical tail-offa-me.

Of course, beforehand, there'll be many painful

Embarrassing and expensive tests to perform.

Hello! What's this? Huh?

Ohh! What's happening to me?

I'm both thrilled and frightened.

I can't help myself. Can't fight it.

Angel eyes, you're just so darn...

Oh, can this be love?

[ Birds squawking]

Gosh, don't you, gosh, wish we were

Gosh, old enough to, gosh, get married?

[ Giggling]

I'm tired of being, gosh, patient.

I ache inside, gosh.

Oh, why, gosh, does, gosh

Summer vacation, gosh, ever have to, gosh, end, angel eyes?

What's wrong, angel eyes?

Was it something I said?

Talk to me. Talk to me!

[ Sobbing]

Oh, gosh, we're having our first fight!

I can't stand it!

Oh, angel eyes!

You still love me!

My heart soars! Gosh.

Norbert: fore!

Eh, bit of a slice.

You know, it seems like I've forgotten something

But I just can't put my finger on it.

Probably just a matter of life and death.

Anyway, nothing's more important

To a doctor than his golf game. Fore!

[ Glass breaking, cat meowing]

I think it's time for that titanium driver.

[ Laughing]

Psst! Psst!

[ Reading]

Hmm... Lurid snapshots.

[ Gasping]

[ Southern accent]: daggett in a tawdry love affair!

My brother needs me!

This is no time for golf!

What am I saying?

Fore!

[ Scottish accent]: oh, cruel, cruel fate

That I should be of noble birth and you just a common lure

But I can't help loving you, angel eyes

Any more than I can help...

[ Inhaling deeply]: breathing.

My lands, my titles

Those suits of metal clothes

In my big, large, giant brick house

Mean nothing without you.

My course is clear.

I know what I must do!

I will give it all up

For the sake of the wooden thingy I love.

Dag, have you gone absolutely freakin' mental?

What's the meaning of this intrusion?

I just kept you from putting a rusty hook in your lip.

Arggh! How dare you say such a thing

About my angel eyes, you blackguard!

Dag, it's a fishing lure-- a fishing lure!

Your point?

It's an inanimate object...

Your point?

Incapable of ever returning the love

You're lavishing on it so deludedly.

Again, your point?

How dare you?!

[ French accent]: I challenge you to a duel.

Parry, thrust, lunge, parry, lunge, parry, lunge, lunge...

[ Both screaming]

Now, what are you going to do now, senor silly?

Challenge you to another duel.

Huh?

[ Birds chirping]

[ Grunting]

Uh, you can stop now.

Not yet.

Really, I've snapped out of it.

All right.ah, just a few more.

There, done.

I think we need to examine where

This anger is coming from... Or not.

I know I haven't been myself, but I can't help it!

Of all beavers, you should understand.

You were in love with-- yuck-- treeflower!

Pathetic as it was.

Love isn't always pretty.

It isn't always what we want it to be.

I know my current relationship is rather unique.

The word is psychotic.

I know I'll-i'll...

What do you know?

I know that all I'll get out of it

Is heartbreak and lockjaw

But I can't help myself.

Angel eyes really has... Really has...

Her hooks in you?

You said it; I didn't.

Yeah...

[ Yells]

Listen to yourself, man.

I am.

[ Crickets chirping, wind howling]

The sooner we get that thing off you, the better!

[ Motor whirring]

No! No!

Yes.

[ Tail snaps]

Oh!

[ Yelling]

I'll never give up, angel eyes!

Do you hear me? Never!

Get away from me, you spooty fish!

Aah!

Okay, I'm ready to give up, angel eyes.

[ Grunting]

Spooty lure, spooty lure...

Spooty lure!

[ Daggett gasping]

[ Studio audience laughing]

[ Groaning]

There you have it: the effects of spicy food

On a person from a non-spicy culture.

Next time: coming of age in samoa

Right here on the home anthropology channel.

Bye-bye.

[ Sighing]

That's it, norbie, I am through with love.

Yeah, sure, right.i've learned my lesson.

Let me write that down; make a note of that:

"Daggett through with love."

I've learned my lesson the hard way. Love hurts.

Ooh, ooh, love hurts!

Especially with a hook.

I am done, done, done-- finito, completo, senor-o.

Over and out.

[ Distant laughter]

Hey! Pipe down, I'm trying to watch some t and v here.

[ Laughter continues]

[ Gasping]

Looks like your angel eyes isn't such an angel!

[ Gasping]

You will watch what you say about her!

I'm just calling it like I see it.

We may not be officially dating

But there's still a bond between us.

But she's a bit of a floozy, dag.

Ooh, how dare you!

Do you know what that is-- a floozy?

She put the "floo" in floozy.

I should have operated.

You're dragging like luggage!

I can shake her anytime I want.

[ Laughter]

Face it, one way or the other

The tail's gone.

My way, you got your freedom.

Your way, you get a sushi bar following you around.

Your point?

It'd wreck your social life if you had one.

You want to talk about a social life?

You spend most of your time with me!

Think about that, loser!

Floozy chaser.

You are floozy fodder.

En garde! En garde!

Parry, thrust, parry, parry, parry, thrust!

From now on, people aren't going

To call you "daggett" anymore.

They'll go, "oh, there goes mrs. Floozy."

... , , , , ...

[ Laughing]

Go, horsey, go.

Go right.

No, go left.

Go right.

Ah, doom-trotters--

Post-apocalyptic australian action

Without any pesky v*olence, rated pg.

Eight-nine-ten-do games are the ginchiest.

Righto, righto, norbie.

The bad guy chases us around

But nothing ever happens

No matter how much I move this stick-joy-thingy.

That's because doom-trotters is

Good, clean, kid-friendly fun, thunder-dag

And I disconnected your stick-joy-thingy hours ago.

Ahh!

Huh?

Say, I gots a kooky notion.

What do you say we have

A little party one of these days?

Excellent idea, pin-the-tail-on-the-daggett.

After all, I am the party-meister.

[ Shouting and hooting]

Glad you feel that way, norboto.

Everyone will be here in about an hour.

I do.

I feel it.

In an hour?!

Yes, minutes, to be exact.

We have to dust.

We have to preen.

We have to make horse-dervishes.

[ Panting]

[ Panicked shrieking]

Why are we getting our undies in a bunch?

A part-ya is just having some friends over and goofing around.

No time for your pithy assessments, dagmund freud.

We must divide up the workload.

I'll check on the snacking situation

And you clean up the joint.

B-b-b-b-b-but cleaning means cleanliness

Which is next to dogly-ness.

Now, now, donner daggy, nothing to be afeard of.

Now get cracking.

Go, go, go.

Oui, mon norbie.

A chore no more--

Cleaning is now an easy-peasy piney-scented breezy

With the fabulous new daggett slap-soap cleaning system.

How does it work? The secret is in the natural chamois action

On his beaver tail.

While dag slaps away the mess--

Slap, slap, and an extra slap-- his tail cleans.

[ Sniffing]

Eee!

[ Grumbling]

Cleans and polishes all in one easy step.

[ Cha-cha playing]

Hmm, pancake mix, pickled beets, three licorice whips

And a can of lima beans.

Ah, the lima bean: so rich in fiber and riboflavin

But not rich enough for a norbertian bacchanalia.

[ Cha-cha playing]

Uh, excuse me, captain conga?

Dag! Zip down

To the mini-mart and pick me up some more snacks, chop-chop.

Ja wohl, kommandment.

[ Door closing]

[ Gasping]

Hey, what the...?

[ Stammering]

Daggett, what did you do here?

[ Screaming]

[ Crashing and clanging]

♪ Lock the door

♪ Got myself some munchies, and a whole lot more ♪

[ Scatting]

[ Groaning and growling]

[ Laughing and shrieking]

Daggett! Don't...

Don't what, norbie?

Hey, look what I got, norb-ya.

The mini-mart was closed for a polish holiday, so I went

To the gas station next door.

Pretty smart, huh?

Spicy beef sticks, a candy necklace

Peanut butter crackers...

Ooh, yep, and they're all good and stale.

Rubber combs?

Pre-haired from the factory.

Oil filters?

-Weight. Party favors.

Let me think a second. No!

[ Crashing]

How about those floors, there, mano, huh?

Shut your bark-hole.

Maybe I should have bought those toenail clippers, too.

Viola!

Five minutes left to spare.

How do I do it? How do I do it?

Okay, dag-a-lagga lib-a-long-day

How we coming with those...

[ Metallic clicking]

De... Co... Ra... Tions?

Hey, norby, look. I can almost hit

The ceiling with this staple g*n thingy.

[ Imitates g*nshots]

Dag!

[ Stammering]

[ Crashing]

What are you doing?

You're supposed to be putting up decorations.

Our guests are going to be here any minute.

Ah, looks good enough to me.

[ Gasps]

Just wait till I get out of this...

Spoot!

[ Yelling]

[ Whimpering]

[ Glass breaking]

[ Squeaking]

Help me, will you?

Sure, brother.

[ Mexican hat dance]

[ Bell dings]

Well, I guess that's it.

Our friends will be here any minute

Nope. And we're not ready.

What are they going to think?

What are they going to say?

Well, bing's probably going to say something like

"Ow. A party! "Cooly-cool-cool. Skeek!

"Look, I broke my dumb tail off.

"I'm running all over the place

And talking like an idjit..."

[ Talking fast]

Skeek!

[ Both laughing]

And barry's probably

Going to say...

[ Ala barry white]: norbert, daggett, my man

Let the first melody begin in the beaver brothers' crib.

The wizard of funk

And the king of amore had made the righteous scene.

Boogaloo, boogie down and shimmy-sham-shimmy.

We goin' pitch one tonight.

Oh, yeah, babies, slap me some.

Yeah, baby.

Respect.

Respect.

And this is...

This-this, th-this is what stump's going to say...

[ Raucous laughter]

Oh, oh, oh!

And I'm truckee, the truck-driving shrew

And I don't like anything

That doesn't have something to do with trucks

But I came to the party anyway!

What's it to you?

[ Laughter]

Hey, who shut out

The light?

Hey, dr. Dugamento.

As long as this

Is as ready as we're going to get

What do you say we throw on a little party music?

Yeah.

Okay, okay, okay!

First guy to the eight-tracks gets to pick.

Whoo. Whoo!

Hey, no fair.

[ Yells]

I win, I win, I win, I win...

[ Snorting]

Let me see, let me see, w-what do I want to hear?

[ Crackling sound]

[ Squeaking]

Ah, mitch shower at his mighty theater organ--

The perfect mix of keyboard sophistication

And boyish insouciance.

[ Grunts]

[ Gasps]

[ Stammering]

[ Grunts]

[ Squeaking and whooshing]

[ Ping]

Looks like I get to choose the tuneage.

[ Groaning]

Yo, hey, ha!

Victory is mine!

[ Crashing]

[ Squeaking]

Hmm.

That's convenient.

[ Heavy metal music playing]

Oh, good choice, norbie-norb!

I love this tune.

♪ Um, uh-uh, oh, a-um, um, uh-um ♪

♪ Uh, back in ' and before the team, - , ... ♪

But I still get my tape in.

Ah, that's what you think, squeegee boy.

Cowabunga, geronimo and ole!

I'm coming to get you, wayne dagsky.

[ Playful laughter]

Norbert: come to papa.

Oh, no, you don't.

Daggett: ouch!

[ Maniacal laughter]

Eww!lima beans and a comb.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

[ Slurping sounds]

Fabulous!

Perhaps just a petit...

[ Bell dings]

Hey, norbie, we're having some fun.

Ooh, you got it, nor bro.

[ Scatting]

Hello? Hey, guys?

Hey... Hello?

Ooh, it looks like fun.

Hey, can we come in, too?

They're having a party.

[ Laughter and crashing]

Hello? We're still out here.

Hello?

Did anyone...? Did anyone bring any snacks?

[ Laughter and crashing continue]