03x13 - The Master Monster/Slumber Scare

[bunniefuu]

( Clock chiming, thunderclap )

( Creaking )

( Owl hooting )

( Shrieking )

( Crying )

( Gasps )

( Screaming )

Not! I'm out of here!

( Needle scratching record )

( Chuckles )

Hmm...

( Clearing throat )

Class, I have
a very important announcement.

I've been informed
that today this class

Will be visited by...
Balook the granfaloon!

( Gasping )

In all the world

There is one monster

With the power to strike fear
into the hearts

Of even the most
fearless monsters!

That monster is the chief
prefect and executive director

Of monster administration

Balook the granfaloon!

And he is coming here to
evaluate my job as your teacher.

I trust that you will do nothing
to embarrass me.

Ickis:
don't worry,
your grombleness

We'll just act
like we always do.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Monster:
all rise
for balook the granfaloon!

( Class gasping )

I am balook the granfaloon.

( Giggling )

Your excellency!
Welcome to my class.

I'm certain
that you will have

A very satisfying stay here.

Hmmph!
I'll be the judge of that.

To begin the evaluation

I want to see one of your
students' scares, please.

Yes, let me see now...

Anyone but ickis,
anyone but ickis, anyone but...

Ickis.

( Teeth chattering )

( Roaring )

( Growling )

( Snarling )

( Laughing )

( Groaning )

Do something!

( Roaring )

( Laughing )

I mean,
do something helpful!

Let's get out of here!

( All laughing )

( Roaring )

( Snarling )

( All screaming )

( Gasps )

All right!

( Class cheering )

Bravo! Bravo!

Well done, ickis!

Your excellency,
I think you'll be hard-pressed

To find a better scare
than that anywhere!

Quite possibly.

And I see you approve

Of celebrating the scare
in this manner?

Certainly! Is there
any reason why I shouldn't?

Oh, yes.

Only a little reason called
rule . , Subsection b.

"There shall be
no excessive celebration

Following a successful scare."

( Class gasps )

Oh, i... Well, i... That is...

Clearly you've never heard
of this rule because

Not only do you
partake in celebration

You encourage it
in your students.

Clearly you are
an inferior teacher.

( Gasping )

I... I... I...

Therefore,
due to your failure

To observe the prescribed rules
of monster conduct

You may consider yourself
terminated as a teacher.

( Gasping )

You must be joking!

I never joke!

You may proceed
with your new job.

Yes, sir.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

You just broke rule
of janitorial conduct

Number . -Q:

"Trash is to be
dropped, not thrown."

That's it!

You can find another puppet

To follow your ridiculous rules

Because I quit!

Good day.

Also broke rule number . :
"No quitting."

Balook:
class will now come to order.

Therefore, before this class
goes out on any more scares

I shall reacquaint you
with the rules.

( Class groaning )

Turning to page one

This is a monster

And this is a human.

Repeat with me.

Balook and class:
this is a monster
and this is a human.

Please.

And the purpose
of monsters is...?

To scare humans.

Repeat with me.

The purpose of monsters
is to scare humans.

Class ( mumbling
along with balook ):
the purpose of monsters

Is to scare humans.

Oh, doh!

We've got to find the gromble!

Well, that's that.

It can't be!

He's just got to be here
somewhere!

Give it up--
the gromble is gone!

He's probably enjoying

A much better life
by now.

I wouldn't be so sure.
Look.

( Beeping )

( Sighing )

Ickis:
the gromble!

Well! This is
a pleasant surprise.

Would you like some
prime sewer worms

Three for a toenail?

No!

We do not want worms!

We want you to be
our teacher again!

Well, I'm afraid
that's impossible.

Didn't you hear?
I'm an "inferior teacher."

( Beeping )

Besides, it's all
for the best.

You'll get to
learn the rules

From a "real" teacher

And I get to do what
I've always dreamed of...

( Laughs )

...dig worms.

You can't mean that!

Oh, I do. I love worms.

Can't get
enough...

I can't stand it!

I hate worms!

I hate them! I do!

Is it really that bad

Without me?

It's awful! It's awful!

Balook is teaching us things
we learned in bonsty school!

Oh, that meddlesome bureaucrat!

You can't learn to be a monster
from a book!

If I were
your teacher right now

I'd tell you
that monstering is a gift

A rare talent that you feel
deep within you.

It courses through your veins
like high-grade sludge!

We may have
our teacher back.

( Sighing )

( Gasping )

Oblina:
someone's coming!

( Snarling )

( Screaming )

( Monsters laughing )

And again... "Boo."

Class ( listlessly ):
boo.

Scare 'em! Scare 'em!

( Monsters roaring )

( People screaming )

Balook:
and again...

( Half-hearted grunting )

Go! Go! Go!

( Snarling and growling )

( People screaming )

( Monsters cheering )

Class, as you can tell
from the expression on my face

I'm very happy with the progress
this class has shown.

I cannot take this anymore.

Things cannot possibly
get any worse.

I've decided to accompany you
on an elementary scare.

( Gasping )

I've found a place

Where we shall be able to scare
with little danger.

A county fair
full of young children!

( Class groaning )

Now, that's what I call worse.

Balook:
single file...

Here we are, class,
the county fair.

Up we go, and be careful
of those small children.

Very well, you may proceed
with your scares.

Uh, your, um, balookness?

I don't think this is
the right place!

Nonsense.
The book never lies.

This must be the county fair.

( Crowd cheering )

And those must be
the small children.

Announcer:
and we're off
on the ninth annual

County fair monster truck
demolition derby!

( Tires squealing )

What does the book
say to do now?

I'm looking!

I, i, I'm looking!

Um, how's about...
Run!

( Monsters screaming )

Oh! Oh...

It's got to be here somewhere.

( Tires squealing )

What do we do now?

I don't know.

There must be a rule
to cover this

But I don't have
the book with me.

You don't need it!

Please, help me scare
these people.

Hmmph! You don't need me
to scare anyone.

You have all you need
right here.

The best class of monsters
in the world!

( Class cheering )

Now, huddle up!

( Whispering )

All:
break!

( Tires squealing )

Terrify! Terrify!

Scare, team, scare!

Horrify! Horrify!

( Engine roaring )

( Grunting )

( Gibbering )

( Tires squealing )

( Screaming )

( Roaring )

( People screaming )

Do I get my job back?

Uh... Yes. Yes, you do.

And why?

Because... You are
a superior teacher.

Repeat with me...

I am a superior teacher.

You are a superior teacher.

Well, that was easy.

( Class cheering )

Thank you so much.
Thank you.

As I regain my place
as your teacher

I only wish to say...

This is the most pathetic
bunch of rejects

I've ever had the misfortune
of laying my eyes on!

( Sighing contentedly )

At last, things are
back to normal.

You call yourselves monsters?
Ha!

( Crashing, bumping
and groaning )

Ickis:
I'll trade you
my angmar the horrific

And my jaghorn
for your speldonn the maw.

Monster:
oh, do it!

That's speldonn's
rookie card

And he has a much higher
earned scare average

Than both of yours.

All right, okay, uncle!
You're cruel!

But I'll throw in a nasty ronnie
and some shower tile scrapings.

Deal!

What are you doing?

Trading monster cards.

Ooh! May I join you?

Sure.

Oblina, this is guy stuff.

"Guy stuff"?

Are you... Are you suggesting

That there are some things
that I cannot do?

Because let me
assure you guys

Anything you four can do

I can do equally well or better!

That's not the point.
This is guy stuff!

Ergo, only guys
should do it.

Now run along

And play with your doll.

Right, fellas?

Oh, oh, yeah, sure.

I guess so.

Excuse me.

You heard us,
little missy.

We're going to do some guy junk

So don't try
and follow us around

And bug us and stuff, hmm?

( Deep voice ):
come on, guys.

Ickis:
krumm, come on.

Yeah, guys.

( Growls )

( Grunting )

Hey, oblina!
What's going on?

We are doing girly stuff.

Dizzle and hairyette and I
are throwing a slumber party!

A slumber party?

As in... ( Snores ) ...sleeping?

Oh, that should be
very, very boring!

Boring? I doubt it.

We are going to start
by feasting on hubcaps.

( Laughs )

With bugs?

With everything.

And then, we're going scaring!

Hubcaps with bugs

And then scaring?

A whole night of scaring.

Great! When do we start?

We start now.

You start never!

This is girl stuff, remember?

Yeah, but... What are we
supposed to do?

Well, you are guys, aren't you?

Oblina:
I am sure those powerful
boy brains of yours

Will think of something.

Toodles!

( Laughing )

Girl:
this is so much fun, anne.

I mean, a slumber party
with just us girls.

No icky boys around
to bother us.

( Retching )

Boys...

All:
who needs 'em?

( Doorbell rings )

Pizza!

( Screaming )

That'll be...

Nine and a half toenails.

Yummy!

Ooh!

( Crunching )

( Slurping )

Mmm!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Jaqq is so cute.

I can definitely see you
as mrs. Jaqq!

Really? Thanks.

I thought you said
boys were gross.

Jaqq's not a boy, he's a man.

All:
ooh!

Spangar! I'm in love!

( Sighing )

All right,
girlies!

Let's go scaring!

All:
yeah!

( Giggling )

You mean, like, your parents

Actually used to listen
to these things?

Yeah, they were
called "records"

And they were
made out of oil.

How retro.

( Music playing )

Eww!

( Laughing )

Oh!

Okay, okay.

Want to hear something scary?

( Music playing )

That sounds... Pretty.

Doesn't it, though?

It's simply horrible!

( Smacking, crunching )

Coast is clear.

( Giggling )

Okay, okay, okay!

Now, the time has come
for prank phone calls!

Yes!

Yeah!

Let's call larry o'day.

He looks like jaqq.

( Giggling )

( Buttons beeping )

( Screaming )

( Screaming )

( Growling )

( Screaming )

( Girls screaming )

( Screaming )

( Crashing )

It can't get
any better than this.

I'm going to go
for the record.

I thought
you guys said

We were going
to do something.

We are doing something.

What do you call this?

A snoozefest.

I wonder what the girls
are doing.

They're probably running around
doing dumb girl stuff.

You know, the dumb stuff
that dumb girls do.

Want to go bug them?

All:
cool! All right!
Yeah! Let's go!

Okay, kids, heads up
on this next cheer, okay?

Shh!

Now, let's really give them
something to cheer about.

( Sniffing )

We need a new ball, coach.

Pee-ew!

This one's...

Krumm!

( Shrieking )

( Screaming)

What do you think
you are doing here?

Doing?

We weren't doing anything,
were we, guys?

( Belching ):
nope.

You leave us alone.

This is our party.

Oh, yeah,
we'll leave you alone.

Promise.

( Snickering ):
sure.

( Snickering )

Hmm!

Man:
jaqq will make himself available

For some personal contact

That you will remember
for decades.

No touching, please.

Girls:
jaqq! Jaqq!

( Girls squealing )

You're the greatest, jaqq.

You're just great!

Great.

( Sighing )

Jaqq! Jaqq!

( Roaring )

( Screaming )

( Ickis clears throat )

Huh?

( Snarling, roaring )

( Screaming )

Ickis!

Oblina!

Whatever in the world
are you doing here?

( Laughing )

Isn't it funny how we just keep
running into each other?

No, it isn't!

( Growling, screaming )

Hairyette:
it's just not fair.

We can't let them
get the best
of us, can we?

No, we cannot!

And I think I have
just the solution.

( Gobbling, smacking )

Gentlemen, let us prepare

To bring operation
"bug the girls"

To a glorious conclusion.

Whoa! This place gives me
the creeps.

Where are the girls?

I saw them come in here,
I know I did!

Maybe they went
out the back door.

Let's look
around.

Shh!

Did you see that?

This place is swarming
with humans!

No wonder the girls
came here.

We got to find oblina

And show those girls
the right way to scare!

( Gasping )

What the hey?

Four score and
seven years ago...

Ho, ho, ho!

I'm going to grandma's house!

Four score
and seven years ago...

( All talking )

Humans!

I got 'em,
I got 'em!

Stand back

And watch a pro at work!

( Clears throat )

( Roaring )

Ho! Ho! Ho!

I'm going to grandma's house!

Four score...

( Panting )

Little help?

( Crashing )

Ho! Ho! Ho!

( Snarling )

I'm going to grandma's house!

I'm going to grandma's house!

I'm going to grandma's house!

Hmm?

( Yelling )

Four score
and seven years ago...

( Yelling )

Nothing's working!

( Screaming )

( Panting )

Help!

Oh, don't hurt us!
Don't hurt us!

Please, please, please.

Four score
and seven years ago...

( Whimpering )

Oh, no! Leave us alone!

G-g-g-go away, please!

I'm going to grandma's house!

( Whimpering, yelling )

Ho....

( Mimicking boy monsters ):
go away!

Help!

( Giggling )

Oh, dear,
it's so rich.

If you could have seen
the looks on your faces!

You looked like a bunch of...
A bunch of humans!

Yeah! Baby humans!

That wasn't funny, oblina!

Yeah, you might have
gotten hurt.

Please! You guys
are such sore losers

And such little...

Scaredy-monsters,
scaredy-monsters!

We have to laugh!

Ladies?

( Laughing )

( Alarm sounding )

Let's get
out of here!

( Screaming )

( Snarling )

( Laughing )

( Laughing )


Scaredy-monsters,
scaredy-monsters.

( Belching ):
nope.