01x15 - The Wrath Of Don/Safety Patrol Sam

[bunniefuu]

♪ We are riders on a mission

♪ Action kids in play position. ♪

♪ We are riders on a mission

♪ Action kids in fun condition. ♪

Prepare to count down.

[Truck's horn blowing]

[Brakes squealing]

Movie narrator: what's the buzz?

It's getting frightening.

Hang on to your board, sharps.

That fire looks kind of fake.

It's donnie lightning.

Donnie's here.

Kid: all right! Yes!

That was the bestskate wars movie this year!

I couldn't believe some of donnie's moves.

Yeah, I can't believe how cheesy...

Squid, you just don't get it, do you?

Hey, where's the o-man?

Probably changing his name to donnie.

Otto: hey, guys, check this out!

[Slurping]

Twister: whoa, check out otto's donnie gear.

Thank you, thank you.

Even I have to say you wear it well, rocket boy.

You're not wearing lightning underwear, are you?

What if I am?

Donnie's only the greatest -year-old

Skateboard action movie star

In the known universe.

No one gets big air like him.

You got that right.

Listen up, my brothers and sisters.

Madtown will be closed for the next three days.

Don't let it hash your cool.

This is conroy saying peace-- out.

Otto: no way!

What gives, conroy?

You just can't close the park like this.

I'm so sorry, kids.

You see, they're coming to sh**t the newskate warsmovie.

[Kids gasp]

[In disbelief]: here... Donnie...

Lightning... Come... Skate?

Otto, watch it!

[Dreamily]: greatest living -year-old skater...

Here... Ocean shores.

[Kids talking and cheering]

Kids [chanting]: donnie! Donnie!

Kid: oh, man, donnie...!

Put this on the cover, buddy--

Otto rocket is the next big skateboard star

And tell them donnie lightning told you first.

Dude, you're the greatest.

No,you'rethe greatest.

No, you are.

No,youare.

[Laughs]: no, you are.

No,youare.

No, you.

No,youare.

[Groans]

Still got eight hours to go.

Hello, rocket boy?

Aren't you a little hot wearing all that?

Duh-- I have to get all this stuff autographed

By my man donnie.

I wonder where he is.

Hey, watch your back there.

Lightning?

Donnie's... Here... Walking?

You know, he looks older in person.

And shorter.

Donnie: I said, "chocolateshake"!

Got it, mr. Lightning.

I'll get right on it.

If you weren't my uncle, you'd be so fired!

Reggie: I saw this on tv.

They make the windows out of sugar

So no one gets hurt.

That's so cool!

Mmm.

You ready, donnie baby?

I was ready ten minutes ago

When you called me out of the trailer.

Let's do it already.

Dude, I'm getting it all on tape.

Scene , take one.

Donnie skates.

And...

Action!

I've got to start hanging out with a better crowd.

Director: cut!

Excellent, donnie baby-- print that!

All right, bring in the stunt double.

A double?

She's a girl.

Watch it, twister.

Oh... I know what this is.

They're just going to use her to practice or something

So they can work out the stunt for him.

Director: camera's rolling... We have sound speed...

And... Action!

[Grunts]

Director: and cut!

Didn't look like practice to me.

She's awesome!

Donnie's just saving his energy for the really tough stunts.

[Crackling]

Otto: what did I tell you?

Just keep your eyes on donnie.

He can do anything.

If not, I'm sure his stunt girl can.

And... Action.

We've got to stop meeting like this.

Director: and cut!

Makeup!

He didn't do anything... Again.

He doesn't have to-- he's donnie lightning.

Director: and... Action!

And that's a cut and print!

Oh, yeah, he can do anything.

Forget you guys.

I know one thing he has to do by himself--

Sign autographs.

Come on, twist.

Uh, hey, bro-- we're totally dressed alike.

You and a million other wannabes.

Otto: oooh, harsh!

I'm not a wannabe--

I'm your biggest fan.

Let me guess-- you want an autograph.

Would you?

No-- now, buzz off before I call security.

Reggie: forget him, rocket boy.

What a jerk.

I'm tired of you ragging on him.

I'm sure he was just tense about the next scene or something.

[Sighs]

Let's get out of here.

[Kissing sounds]

Otto: twist!

[Burgers sizzling]

[Sighs]

Is that everything, tito?

No pickles, extra cheese, no bacon

Six with jalapeños and fries-- I think so.

That's a lot of spuds, cuz.

Movie business not so glamorous, eh, brother?

You try working for donnie the terrible.

What I really want to do is direct.

[Rimshot]

What's up, little brother?

Donnie lightning show you some moves?

He showed me something.

Donnie's not the amazing skater I thought he was.

Ray: oh, really.

Can you believe

He has someone else do his stunts?

Delivery man: his own stunts?

He doesn't even tie his own shoes.

Donnie's not much of a hero anymore, is he?

You know, when tito and I were younger

We found out that frankie fun was making a movie up in malibu.

Tito promised him a whole luau pig from his grandmother

If we could be extras.

Tito: me and brother ray ended up in a scene

Where frankie surfed through shark-infested malibu waves.

Ray: only they weren't real sharks.

And frankie wasn't really surfing malibu.

Didn't it bum you out?

Yeah, right until I bit the cuz in the leg

And left him a souvenir he'll never forget.

Yeah, donnie's movie's a fake, too.

I can't believe I asked him for his autograph

On all this lame stuff.

You know, I can skate better than him.

You think he'll go for this, rocket boy?

He's not going to have a choice.

Let's do it!

Excuse me, mr. Lightning, remember me?

I asked you to sign some things yesterday?

I thought I told you to b*at it.

Sam: he's not asking for an autograph.

We were thinking, since you don't do your own stunts...

Maybe you don't even know how to really skate.

Donnie: get out of my way, you skateboard bozos!

Otto: not until you prove to us you can really skate.

I challenge you, right here, right now

To the obstacle course.

Get a life-- I don't have to prove anything to you.

Yeah, you do.

Because if you don't race me, we're going to show our movie--

The one of your stunt double doing all of your tricks.

Hey, donnie, let's go to the videotape.

I'm taking ten.

Your dream's about to become a nightmare.

[Nervously]: one... Two...

Just go already!

[Moaning nervously]

[Donnie screams]

[Donnie crashes loudly]

Donnie [tearfully]: I want my agent and my mommy!

Hmm-- I think it's time we go

In a different direction with theseskate warsmovies.

Donnie [in movie]: donna, it's my clavicle.

[To tune of "bingo"]: ♪ and lame-o was his name-o.

This movie stinks on ice.

Shh-- donna's coming on.

The safety of the public-- no, of the entire world--

Is in your hands.

I am going to hurl.

Your mission is my mission, bro!

[Dog moans]

[Brakes squealing]

[Car explodes]

Otto [groans]: what a crummy ending.

It's the same ending as last time.

Except for stunt girl-- she was awesome.

That's what we in the show biz like to call "lame-o."

I hear they're already filming skate wars vii.

I have some news for you guys--

This is the lastskate warmovie I'm seeing.

You are so right, my brother.

Who's up for a little madtown reality?

[All laughing]

[Clock ticking]

[School bell ringing]

[Yelling]

I, eddie, prince of the netherworld

Do command you!

Hey, slow down! Signal that turn!

Chill out, prince of the dork world.

If you don't listen

I got to report you to the real netherlord

Vice-principal healy.

Sorry, bro, I can't hear you.

Why not?

Because no one listens to the safety patrol.

Others: wuss! Ha, ha!

Look, I didn't ask to be on safety patrol this week.

I quit! I'm going home.

Man: what is going on here?

It's hangman healy-- warp speed!

Dullard, I demand an explanation

Now!

Oh...

So, squid man, how bad did hangman healy bust you?

Not too bad.

What's with the jacket?

You're getting overheated.

No, I'm okay.

What's your problem, man?

Twister, cut it out!

Oh...

Say hello to safety squid.

Both: ouch!

It's true, I'm a safety patroller.

Actually, this might be totally cool.

Sam on safety patrol

Equals one thing--

Others: what?

Let the panic commence!

We can skate on all the school sidewalks.

We can grind any rail, anytime.

Guys, I don't think we should do this.

We can even do tricks

In the cafeteria loading ramp.

The ramp we've always wanted to womp.

[Clock ticking; ding]

All right, I'm up for some ramp womping-- I'm in.

Squid patrol is going to rule!

Others: yeah! Whoo-hoo! All right!

Welcome to my nightmare.

Others: whoo-hoo! Yeah! All right!

What are these skateboards doing

On school grounds?

Vice-principal healy, we were just going to...

Stow it, mister!

That's violation three-zero-slash-two-"a."

I'll see you in my office

Tomorrow at recess.

Can I have my regular seat?

Dullard!

Where are you?

Here, sir.

The first rule of safety patrol

Is safety first, friends second.

I'm trusting you to do your job.

Yes, sir!

No more mr. Nice squid.

[Laughing]

Hey, watch it, rocket boy!

[Sternly]: what do you students think you're doing?

Good one, squid, you almost sounded

Like a real safety patroller.

Sammy, what's up?

Putting otto and twister on report for violation -a.

Violation what?

Obstruction of pedestrian traffic

And failure to obey

The safety patroller-- page six, safety patrol handbook.

He just got us in trouble.

He's gone benedict squid on us.

We have gotten away with a lot of stuff this week.

Maybe we've been taking advantage of sammy.

We've taken advantage of sam

Hundreds of times, and he's never ratted on us.

Friends don't betray friends.

Yeah, and the squid shouldn't snitch on us either.

What is sam thinking?

[Bicycle bell rings]

Violet, slow down!

You know my insides weren't built

For rough terrain.

Oh, merv.

[Gasps]

[Siren wails]

[Tires screech]

Ah, thank heavens.

Oh, officer dullard, good day.

Violation alpha-tango- tango-foxtrot--

Biking on pedestrian walkway.

But... But... But...

All right

Nothing to see here-- move along, folks.

Well, come on, mervy, let's ride

Before we make him angrier.

[Bicycle bell ringing]

[Siren wails]

Violation aught-aught- stroke-slash-aught--

Voluntary vision impairment.

Sammy, I can see where I'm going.

Rules are rules.

I don't make the law, I just enforce it.

I want the old sam back.

You think you're a super cop or something.

Super cop?

I like that!

Sam "super cop" dullard.

Dullard sam cop super dullard sam cop...

So...

The hockey game's going to be in the faculty parking lot.

I thought we weren't allowed to play there.

Ow!

Dullard's on safety patrol--

He doesn't have the guts to tell on us.

Besides, I'll womp him if he does.

Violation four-zero-three- stroke-double-"g"--

Loitering in a non-loitering zone.

[Mumbling]: ...around!

Exactly.

Good day, gentlemen

And stay out of trouble.

Huh?!

What?!

Nice womping.

Yes, good work, sam.

Sir, I also heard

That there's going to be

An illegal sporting event

In the faculty parking lot tomorrow.

Oh, excellent!

Dullard--

You remind me of myself at your age.

You're becoming the best safety patroller

We have ever had.

[Sighs]

We'll plan a stakeout.

Ooh, I love law enforcement!

Ray: now, violet, it can't be that bad.

Violet: sam wrote merv and I a citation.

I'm afraid that young man is out of control.

Oh, nonsense, woman.

I think sam's doing a crackerjack job.

Oh, can it, merv!

Otto: don't worry, mr. And mrs. Stimpleton.

He'll chill once we start

Giving him atomic wedgies.

No, dude, power noogies.

Don't get too physical, little brothers.

How about you try and give

The little safety patrol cuz the stink eye?

That will give him the message.

Hey!

Aah!

We got to talk to him and apologize

For goofing on him so much.

He's still our friend.

[Sam clears throat noisily]

[All gasping]

[Police radio beeps]

It's johnny law-- let's b*at it!

[Laughing]

Sammy, it's great you're psyched

About being a safety patroller

But could you lighten up a little?

You're making us all uptight.

It's like you're not our friend anymore.

You're picking on us.

Now you know how I feel.

I have a job to do.

Sometimes there's no room for friendship

When you have a major responsibility.

Book 'em, sam-o.

Shh!

We need to compromise.

Otto, twist, we got to remember

That sam's been given

A big responsibility here.

We should respect that.

I guess.

I guess I could let people off with warnings once in a while.

I like warnings.

Then I hereby declare us to be cool.

[Gavel bangs]

Kids: yeah! All right!

Woogledy-woogledy...

Are we still down

For the hockey game with lars

At the faculty parking lot?

You bet, my man!

Shh!

Man, I'm glad we worked everything out

With the squid.

Now we don't have to worry about getting busted.

I don't feel good about this-- maybe we shouldn't be so...

Sam: everybody, freeze!

[Siren wails]

You guys have to call off the game.

Squid, you said you'd lay off.

What's your problem?

I can't believe you're trying to take advantage of me.

Who listens to the safety patrol dorks anyway?

Benedict squid's gone back on his word.

Let's just start the game.

You better listen to me.

You guys got to get out of here now.

Healy: aha! Everybody, freeze!

Rockets, rodriguez, schwartz, piston, get over here!

But you said freeze.

You're all getting marks on your permanent record for this.

Dullard, good work, tipping me off about the game.

You told vice-principal healy about this?

Say it ain't so, sammy.

Once a benedict squid

Always benedict squid.

Actually, sir, there's no violation here.

Explain yourself, dullard.

Well, sir, section nine, paragraph "d" on page

Of the safety patrol handbook forbids

Certain sporting events in the faculty parking lot.

So?

It specifically mentions basketball, baseball, kickball

Soccer, kickball, capture the flag and red rover

But street hockey is conspicuously absent.

You're just trying

To protect your little friends.

Rules are rules-- sir!

[Groaning]

All right--

No violations.

But as of tomorrow

The rule is rewritten to include hockey.

Kids: yeah! Whoo-hoo! All right!

Oh, dullard

I had high hopes for you.

But you're not the safety patroller I thought you were.

Glad to hear it, sir.

Reggie: you were coming to warn us?

Sam: I didn't know you'd be playing

When I told healy about lars and those dorks.

I didn't want you to get in trouble.

Nice save back there, sammy.

What did you expect?

He's our supremo goalie.

I'm so glad I'm not

On safety patrol anymore.

Hey, sam, I just noticed

You're not wearing a reflector helmet.

You didn't signal that last turn.

And you're supposed to have

One hand free while skating.

Others: rules are rules!

Sam: very funny, you guys.

Donnie: no,you'rethe greatest.

Otto: no, you are.