01x05 - Destiny

[bunniefuu]

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[ Screams ]

[ Wind whistling softly ]

[ Crying ]

♪ Hush, now, hush,
don't cry little one ♪

♪ Please don't you cry or
the Snowman will come ♪

Keep him quiet!

You keep quiet!

[ Crying continues ]

[ Exhales ]

The Snowman!

[ Neighing ]

[ Ice Finn cackling ]

[ Crying continues ]

[ Wind whistling ]

If you think about it,
it's the perfect solution.

Simon: As Ice King,
I'll be powerful enough

to fend off this scarab
person who's after us.

I'll be immortal, so your
universe will last forever

instead of dying with me.

And finally, I'll
be magic again,

ergo magic will be
restored to your world,

just like you want.

Hmm. Sounds great!

No downsides!

Question, though. Yes?

How do we get back
inside your head

after Fionna-world
is cool again?

I'll just re-create
the same ritual

that brought you here
on accident, on purpose!

But first, we need to
find another magic crown

somewhere in the multiverse.

[ Yawns ]

Multiverse means
multi-crowns to nab.

It'll be easy as
hunting down a mouse...

in a, uh, uh, a big ol'...

pile of mice!

We should start by
searching this world...

wherever we are.

Let's get lookin'!

Uh... oh.

[ Snoring ]

Fionna?

Yes! Finally.

♪♪

Cake: Should you be
messing with that?

We need to know what
we're dealing with here.

Should you be messing with that?

Hey. Was I out long?

Oh, you're up!

I got you something to eat.

Huh? Wuh!

Waaahh!

Blech!

You love it. You love this.

Let's find the nearest library.

It could give us clues on where
to begin looking for the crown.

To the library!

Cake: Ha! Fionna's
a turbonerd!

Wait, no! I take it back!

[ Fionna laughing ]

Ugh.

Huh...

[ Flies buzzing ]

[ Sniffs ]

Okay, this is really
starting to smell.

Hold this for me?

Any excuse to be more naked.

Don't make it weird.

No, I respect it!

Looks like we're
going the right way.

Oh! Sweet!

Road loot!

Oh!

Ooh.

Whoa!

A real Vespucci!

I could never afford
one of these back home.

That's ugly. I want it!

You both look kind
of conspicuous.

We should keep a low profile
until we know what's what.

Relax, dude.

I've played a lot of
post-apocalyptic RPGs.

The more loot, the better.

Let's keep moving.

Lighten up, man.

If the bug guy hasn't caught
us by now, maybe he gave up!

[ Scarab clicks tongue ]

[ Prismo laughs ]

Something funny?

Nothing, nothing.

It's just, good luck
working the TV wall

without the remote. Ha ha ha!

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[ Grunts ]

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[ Ice clinking ]

[ Clucking ]

♪♪

Tires! Tires!

They're round, they're
rubber! Get 'em here!

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[ Chains clinking ]

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[ Coughing ]

I feel right at home!

You're the one who's
conspicuous here.

Yeah, man, you stick
out like a sore thumb!

The cat talked!
It must be magic!

Ha, everybody knows
there's been no magic

since the days of the Snowman.

[ Hisses ]

- Aah!
- Cake!

Act like a normal cat!

Fine.

Meow meow. Is this
what you want?

Hey, a library!

Oh, thank goodness!

[ Glass shatters ]

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[ Indistinct conversations ]

Tromo: Listen up, rabble!

We're 'bout to get
this funeral started.

So shut up and pay respects!

Introducing...

the savior of the wastelands
and defeater of the Snowman,

Bi-i-i-i-i-i-i-g Destiny!

Today, sadness is not allowed.

Today we party for the
dead body of Popcorn!

Whooo!

Old Man Popcorn finally croak?

Popcorn was a b*mb w*rlord,

the last of his tribe!

He d*ed doing what he loved...

trying to ride
alligator like horse!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Popcorn seemed cool.

Enjoy the sky arena!

Fight big ghosts
and win, Popcorn!

Popcorn! Popcorn!

Popcorn! Popco-o-o-o-rn!

Funeral over!

All Popcorn g*ng territory
goes to Destiny g*ng.

Uhhh, everyone here knows

Popcorn signed a
treaty on his deathbed

making all the
territory from the creek

to the end of the great ditch

the domain of the Reindeer Boys.

♪♪

Anybody else?

♪♪

Destiny g*ng rules!

[ Gulp! ]

That's how you do it,
my little Destiny.

No speeches, just
strong punching!

Like I said, low profile.

Boring! Look...

It's like I said.

You gotta punch and
push your way around

to get what you want.

Hey, you! Ohh!

What do you know
about the magic crown?

Uhh!

Hey, you!

Butcher: Aah!

What do you know
about a magic crown?!

Please! I'm just
a sweet butcher!

Grrrr!

I have the magic crown you seek.

But the price I
ask is very steep!

Okay, weird man.
Name your price.

The crown is but the
rarest of treasure.

Present your wares and
I'll take their measure.

Uh, we should really verify
it's the crown before we...

Nah, nah, nah.

Oh, that's my phone.

Hmm...

A futuristic device?

I think that's pretty nice!

Well... it's no good
to me here anyway.

It's got the worm game!

Deal.

[ Laughs ]

Here, m'dear!

Is this the magic crown?

No, that's trash.

Give it back!

No returns, fair is fair.

[ Growls ]

You got b*rned and I don't care.

You crook!

Uhh...

Whoo, Cake!

[ Groaning ]

[ Gasps ]

We gotta get out of here!

Whoa!

[ Grunting ]

[ Both grunting ]

[ Gasps ] Magic fist!

[ Sighs ] Cake,
you're too reckless!

Ah, nobody saw that.

Peanut: Magic cat!

Ohh, I'ma eat that cat.

Then when I get magic fist,

Daddy will have to
make me g*ng leader!

Trauma Jon...

[ Gasps ] Fionna!

Nobody eats Cake!

Heh heh.

Uhh!

Peanut: Stupid bunny.

I'd cut your nose off,

but it looks like
somebody b*at me to it.

Or maybe I'll take
an ear instead.

Huh?

How about your nose, bully-boy?

No!

Back off.

Little Destiny...

You're a long way
from home, Jay.

Destiny g*ng gonna kick
your... Remember your place.

Ugh!

I'ma gonna get so big!

Then I'ma get you, too, L.D.!

[ Sighs ]

Now, what do I do
with... [ Coughing ]

Stay!

Don't come here again, get it?!

[ Coughing ]

Go!

Wake... up! Huh?

I'ma eat that ca-a-a-t!

Who are you? Shh. Not here.

[ Groans ]

♪♪

When I heard you
talking about the crown,

I could tell you're new here.

Locals don't like
talking about magic.

Do you?

Hard not to.

My dad was the one
who found the crown.

What?!

Jay... I have to
meet your dad.

Ha, where do you
think we're going?

Did you hear that, Fionna?

He must be this
world's version of me.

Watch your step.

[ a* chopping ]

Dad!

Dang, apocalypse
Simon is rugged.

No, that's Finn.

Apocalypse you! [ Gasps ]

You brought outsiders.

Don't be mad.

I know I'm not supposed to
bring anyone home, but...

they were in trouble.

This is Fionna and Simon,

and this is Cake.

Hello, handsome.

Magic cat.

I don't truck with
magic, you know that.

Aw, she's okay, Pop!

Peanut was gonna eat her!

He swore he would!

[ Sighs ]

I don't like you mixing it
up with the Destiny g*ng.

It's not our way.

Yes, Dad.

Math.

Y'all can stay here tonight.

Kids, set the table
for three more.

Yes, Daddy.

You too, Bonnie.

But I'm scratching Jake!

No buts.

Fine.

♪♪

Don't dither in the doorway.

Sit down.

Scootch.

Dad, there's a cat at the table.

Finn: The cat is also a guest.

Oh. Hi, cat.

Hey, cutie. It can talk!

That's why they got chased
by the Destiny g*ng.

Whoa, really? That's so cool.

Poor kitty.

What do we do if the
destiny g*ng comes here?

I'll slay them...
if I have to.

Ohh, I can't wait
till I'm old enough

to k*ll some jerks.

Who wants soup?

[ Warble! ]

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[ Beeping ]

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[ Sniffs, coughs ]

Definitely Prismo.

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You there...

have you seen a group
of travelers recently?

Strange ones.

I might feel smarter

if you had something to barter.

I offer you your
unmurdered life.

Aaaaahh!

Man, cat, and woman
followed Jay Mertens west.

I hope that answers
your request.

[ Slurping ]

This soup's got
such a deep flavor.

It's been simmering for years.

It's the soup mom was
cooking the day she d*ed.

We just keep adding to it.

Like a veritable
"soup of Theseus."

No. My mom made it.

No, see, because
it's a reference

to the famous thought experiment

by British philosopher
Thomas Hobbes...

Don't tell anyone
about this, 'kay, dog?

Only with soup parts
instead of ship planks...

Dude, what are
you talking about?

Cake? Yes?!

Can all kitties talk
where you're from?

No, but maybe they will once
we find that magic crown

and plop it on Simon.

Wow!

You're looking
for a magic crown?

That's actually why we're here.

[ Clears throat ]

Jay tells us that you know
something of its past and...

You're a damn fool!

Not cool, farm boy.

You can sleep out
in the hayloft.

Be gone at first light.

Now you two should kiss.

[ Insects chirping ]

[ Wind whistles softly ]

[ Snoring ]

[ Mumbling ] Ooh!

Shh. My dad has
ears like a bat.

Fionna.

Fionna.

Wh... I'm up.

I remembered
something important.

Dad doesn't speak of the crown,

but one time he drank
cider that had gone hard

and he let slip
where he found it.

Oh!

A big crater a few
miles from here.

Come on. I was heading
to the crater anyway.

Can I come? Bonnie!

Pleeeeeeease?

[ Fire crackling ]

[ Ice Finn cackling ]

[ Knock on door ]

Good evening.
Mr. Mertens, is it?

Apologies for calling so late,

but I'm looking for
some friends of mine.

Perhaps you've seen them?

An old man and a
girl with a cat.

Nobody's here but
me and my kids.

Oh, I love children.

Such a blessing.

Well, I'd best continue
my search then.

Yeah, you'd best.

You have to bounce.

[ Gasps ] Phbt! Daddy!

Jay took the magic kitty
to the destiny crater

and said I couldn't come!

Then he stuffed me in the hay

when I said I'd tattle.

Get back in the house.

Wake your siblings.
Barricade the doors.

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Hup.

Oof!

This is the spot.

Be quiet when you dig
around for the crown, okay?

I don't even know
where to begin.

Hey, Simon, what
does it smell like?

I can sniff it out
with my cat senses.

Huh.

I guess I kinda associate
it with the smell

of freshly cut grass?

Grass, grass, grass.

[ Sniffing ] Work that thang!

Hey, I think I got something!

You guys go check it out.

Imma go keep a lookout.

[ Sniffing ]

Under here.

Good kitty!

[ Both grunt ]

That's not fair!

Looks like the crown
was annihilated

by some very powerful magic...

or something even worse.

Aw, man.

We'll have to try
another universe.

Give it here! Let's
think about this!

What's there to think about?

There's squat for us here.

Crap, it's that evil mullet kid!

Jay! Behind you!

Cake: Run, kid!

Whaaaaaaa... What?

It's cool. She's with me.

Oh, I love a forbidden romance.

I wanna hear how these
two lovebugs got together.

Tell us everything.

[ Chuckles nervously ] Well...

A couple months back, after
Dad spilled the beans,

I came here to see if I
could find other cool stuff.

Mathematical!

Little Destiny: Hey, loser!

This dirty hole is
Destiny g*ng territory!

Anything you find here is ours!

♪♪

I found the most beautiful
jewel here tonight.

But I also found this old thing.

♪♪

I'll let you go this time...

but come back again
and I gut you.

And we've been secretly
together ever since.

Enemies to lovers...
my favorite.

[ Coughing ]

Little Destiny!

Uh-oh. A twist!

You feel cold again.

I've been searching for
cures in the old library,

but I've had no luck so far.

Help her, Simon,
you're a doctor!

I'm an antiquarian, damn it.

You should really tell your dad!

No. Being weak
is not an option.

That's right, my
traitorous daughter!

Weakness is worse
than coughing death!

Peanut: See?! I told you.

She's been doing
mouth high fives

with our enemies!

Here's your reward!

Uhh! Aaah!

Father of the year!

[ g*ng members growling ]

Kn*fe you!

Whaa... Aah!

Eat paw!

Aah!

No!

You got Big D'd.

Little Destiny: Jay!

[ Grunts ]

Fionna, where's the remote?

Backpack.

Dad, let go!

Bro! What's this trash?!

Jay gave it to
me! We're in love!

Ha! Love is weak.

But jewels are hot.

[ Gasps ] That's a piece
of the magic crown!

It's infused with ice magic!

That's what's been
making you sick!

Oh, no.

Of course!

"Love-romance" was just a play

by this fart baby
to take you down.

If we get that jewel, I
can use it to reprogram

the remote to
track magic crowns.

[ Grunts ]

Jay wouldn't do that.

Daughter... prove
that you're bigtime.

[ Donkey brays ]

Huh?

♪♪

Let them go.

Dad, no!

If you really believe
I would hurt you...

ugh... then do it,
Little Destiny!

Finish what you started

on the most beautiful
night of my life!

[ Grunting ]

[ Spits ] I got it!

Big Destiny: Waste
this loser...

with ruthless stabbing.

[ g*ng members
chanting "s*ab!" ]

Aah!

Huh?

One jewel. Good job, Cake!

♪♪

Scarab: Pardon
my late arrival.

I stopped to pick
some wild fennel.

Mother crud.

Uh, you got this, bro!

Jay, get Little
Destiny out of here.

Aw, that was very sweet.

Aaah!

♪♪

Hit the button!
Hit the button!

♪♪

Hit the button!
Hit the button!

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