01x07 - The Star

Episode transcripts for the TV series, "Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake". Aired: August 31 – September 28, 2023.*
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This series follows Finn and Jake's gender-swapped complements, Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat.
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01x07 - The Star

Post by bunniefuu »

♪♪

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[ Screams ]

[ All growling ]

♪♪

- [ Grunts ]
- [ Gasps ]

[ Grunting ]

♪♪

Hmm.

♪♪

[ Gasps ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Nothing's gonna
top that universe.

Best nap of my life.

[ Sizzle ]

Your pocket's smoking.

Oh! Ooh! [ Blowing ]

Fionna?

♪♪

What's the matter?

You still pouting about
that winter fling?

Okay... real talk.

That frosty biscuit
was stone-cold nasty.

He deserved exactly what he got.

What about all
those candy people?

Did they deserve
to be chopped up?

That was self-defense.

I still feel bad, okay?

[ Sighs ]

I wanna make things
better, not worse.

You will.

Once we get the crown,
we'll change everything.

We can't make this
world any worse.

Bad news, g*ng. The
jewel's magic is depleting.

It might only be good for one
more crown-dimension jump.

So we gotta make
this world count.

We should go now.

Weren't you listenin'?

♪♪

[ All hiss ] Vampires! Run!

Cake!

k*ll!

[ Vampires grunting ]

Ha! Not so tough.

[ Grunts ] Stay down.

We need to fashion some
rudimentary stakes.

[ Grunts ]

[ Gasps ]

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Fionna?

[ Grunts ] Incoming!

[ Gasps, grunts ]

[ Chuckles ] Huh?

Fionna, s*ab it in the heart!

[ Gasps ]

[ Grunts ]

Ow! In the heart!

It's a lot harder in real life.

[ Grunts, yells ]

That's it.

Aah!

[ Belches ]

That was awesome.

I almost got ate.
This world is scary.

It reminds me of the
Wastelands of Ooo,

before Marceline took
on the vampires there.

[ Vampires hissing, growling ]

Let's poof these suckers.

Aah!

Cake!

No!

Yow-ow-l.

Holy water.

♪♪

t*nk AI: Show me them teeth.

No vamps. Just
dum-dums, ma'am.

♪♪

You left yourself
vulnerable out there.

Buncha death wishers.

Princess Bubblegum?

Thanks for saving...
- Strange cat mutant,

I saw how you chomped
those vamp heads.

Impressive. Oh, that?

Easy greasy, baby.

The name's Cake.

Bonnie. My team is
on an urgent mission,

and I could really use
your m*rder skills.

Sorry, lady, but I got my
own mission to think about.

We're looking for a magic
crown. Maybe you've seen it?

Seems our interests
coincide after all.

The Vampire King has the crown.

[ Thunder crashes
] Vampire King?

He uses it to summon clouds

and keep the sky
perpetually dark.

And vampire-friendly.

[ Thunder crashes ]

I'm gonna slay
him or die trying.

Now, that is a party
I don't wanna miss.

And when you're done with
that, we can get the crown?

Sure. Let's get off
the street, blood bags.

♪♪

[ Tires screech ] Huh.

I don't remember this part of
downtown being so... gothic.

[ Sighs ]

You've been quiet tonight.

Ugh, I just gotta steel
myself before I see my mom.

Hey, I got your back.

♪♪

t*nk, autopilot.

Navigation and
a*tillery are up here,

sleeping tubes, armory,

and the rest is a
combination w*r room,

rec room, and mess hall.

t*nk, gimme the usual.

[ Liquid pours ] [ Slurps ]

This is my team.

Huntress, our expert
marksman and survivalist.

And that's our munitions
expert, Martin Mertens.

And soup expert.

So what's the plan? Simple.

Infiltrate the hive,

get past hundreds
of vampire minions.

Hundreds? They're
low-level threats.

We can deal with them easily...

with these.

Garlic bombs.

I call them garbos.

What we really have to
look out for is the Star.

The Star?

The Vampire King's ward.
Vicious. Merciless.

The Star has outlived the
rest of his inner circle.

Trained by the V.K. himself.

I've got a score to
settle with the Star.

I live for this biz.

Getcher beans and cabbage.

- Beans!
- Beans!

Thank you, Martin.

- [ Muffled grunting ]
- Huh?

Beans.

Oh no.

Awww. Babyworld Finn.

How could you bring a
child into this world?

It was an accident.

He must've crawled
in during nap time.

[ Sniffs ] Wanna
get in on this?

Cool hat.

Oh, I love this little guy.

[ Beeping ]

- [ Screams ]
- [ Hisses ]

Curses. Where are they?

Ugh, stop.

[ Beeping stops ]

Scrabby, that's the
second alert today.

If you let me out,
I could easily

just zap everything
back to normal.

Shut up. I can solve this.

Yeah, your plan of chasing them

all over the vast
multiverse is a real winner.

I've been chasing
the wrong thing.

If I get to the crown
in this world first,

I can wait for
them to come to me.

Well, crap.

Thanks for the idea.

[ Beeping resumes ]
Ugh, leave me alone.

[ Beeping stops ]

Hey, uh, you should
really answer that.

I speak from experience.

Ha! Gotcha.

Wait. No. Not now.

Ooh, Scrabby, ya burnt.

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Elevator bell dings ]

Mom?

Darling, you're here.

Mom, this is Gary. Is
that what you're wearing?

Your suit is pressed and waiting
in your room, sweetheart.

Ugh, do I have to?
And, young man,

Marshall has extra suits
that should fit you.

Oh, thank you, Ms. Abadeer.

Marshall didn't say it
was gonna be this fancy.

I'm Gary, by the way.

Ah, yes, yes, yes. Graby.

The little
baker-entrepreneur friend.

You know about that?

Come on, I'll show
you to my room.

I can't believe you live
in such a swanky place.

I used to live here.

♪♪

Okay, but could an acorn
k*ll a vampire? Whatchamean?

Like, if you planted
it in their chest

and waited for it to
grow into a tree? Yes.

What about a pinecone?
Bonnie: Don't touch that.

What if a vampire
gets a tiny splinter

and it travels into
his bloodstream

all the way to his heart?

Huntress: Yeah,
dude. I've done it.

t*nk AI: Proximity
alert, ma'am.

Show me.

- Help! Help us!
- Help! Help us!

- Help us! Please!
- Please! help us!

- We're stranded! Help!
- We're stranded! Oh, no!

Quick, pull over.

No distractions.

But you stopped for us.

I stopped for your mutant cat.

Big picture.

I'm helping them.

Hey!

I've never been a
big-picture person.

Dillweed.

Come on, Bonnie.

[ Grunts ] [ Groans ]

t*nk, halt.

- Help! Help us!
- Help! Help! Help us!

Help! Help!
- Help! Help! Help us.

Fionna, stop. Teeth. Teeth.

Clear!

Come with us.

[ Fionna and Martin gasp ]

[ Both hiss ] Run!

t*nk, back up!

[ All scream ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Hisses ]

Thanks.

Like I always say,
pay it forward.

[ Laughs ]

Did you like my welcome?

It's the Star.

Marceline.

[ Snarls ]

Pardon. [ Grunts ]

[ Inhaling deeply ]

[ Gulps, chuckles ]

Martin.

[ Breathing shakily ]

Don't you look tasty.

Open fire!

Fionna!

[ Gasps ]

Main cannon, fire! Fire! Fire!

Bonnibel, I think there's
something wrong with your t*nk.

[ Laughs ]

I'll have your heart!

[ Smooches ]

[ Roars ]

Loser! [ Laughs ]

[ Groans ] I'm not a loser!

t*nk, estimate repair time.

t*nk AI: Processing.

hours, minutes, ma'am.

Quatsch!

Ow, ma'am.

Bonnie, perhaps I can help.

I may not look it, but
I'm quite the Mr. Fix-It.

How do you know the
Star's true name?

Are you her spy?

[ Gulps ]

Leave him alone.
And watch the baby.

I'm from another world
with another Marcy.

I found her in the rubble
and raised her as my own.

My Marceline became a
great vampire hunter.

And where I come from,
you two fell in love.

[ Groans ]

I would never.

I'm really sorry about Martin.

You should be.

It's your fault
I'm down one man.

And, more importantly, one t*nk.

Wait.

I'm your t*nk.

That could work.

Cake, there are other
magic crowns out there.

What?

It's just... you
could get hurt.

Simon says we're
running out of jumps.

We could get stuck
someplace even worse.

Fionna, I can do this.

Well, you're not
going without me.

Bonnie, let me take
Martin's place.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

This pâté is too moussey.

Not moussey enough!

[ Shrieks ] [ Grumbles ]

Gary: This room is filled with
tastemakers, powerbrokers,

and every big
investor in the city.

Yeah, it sucks.

But you should enjoy yourself.

Oh.

Mmm! This red velvet
cake is phenomenal.

I'm going to go out on a
limb and say, mayonnaise?

Why, yes. Nobody
has guessed that.

I'm working on perfecting
a red velvet cake myself,

named Mr. Velvet.

Yeah?

Yeah, he's a
sensitive little guy.

All of my pastries
have personalities

and backstories.

Maybe that's stupid, but...

No, I'm intrigued.

Tell me more about
the tasty velvet man.

Uh, okay.

Um, so Mr. Velvet was once
a high-powered attorney.

Ah. I'm a high-powered attorney.
I relate to this character.

So, yeah, he's an attorney
who quit his job...

Hana: Really, Marshall, you don't
think of anyone but yourself.

Because he felt too stifled...
We've all humored you long enough,

but you're not a rock star.
with all the expectations.

Rabow: That's so interesting.

I gotta introduce you to Marjoe.

He's a fabulously rich epicure,
and he loves visionaries.

Hi. I'm Gary.

♪♪

Do you think baby
Finn will be okay?

[ Giggling ]

t*nk AI: Excellent
form, young man.

Aah!

No sign of vamps.

Ha. They think we're
stuck miles from here.

We've got almost one
hour till sundown.

Here's the hive.

We'll split into three
teams to make the drop.

Cake and I will
hit from the East.

Huntress, you take the North.

Fionna and Simon, you
enter from the West.

[ Snoring ]

Marceline: [ Laughs ]

Oh, and then I ripped out
his throat and drank him dry.

And I wasn't even hungry.

[ Laughs ]

You should have
seen it, minions.

The look on Bonnie's
face was so funny.

Good one, highness.
Stupid gum witch. Ow!

Dad says we can't
underestimate her.

Such a nuisance. Why don't
you k*ll her already?

Are you questioning me?

No, of course not. [ Grunts ]

Good. Dad wouldn't like that.

Right?

Aah!

[ Laughing ]

She's flippin' nuts.

How did little Marcy
turn into that?

Maybe in this world
she didn't have a you.

She didn't have a me.

Let's finish the drop.

And each drop would include
different characters

until there's a whole
kingdom of pastry menschen.

Ha. I love it. It's dripping
with sentimentality.

Heh, thanks.

[ Bell dinging ]

We've had a lot of fun
tonight, talking about blood.

But all too seldom do we talk
about the blood relationship

of mother and son.

Marshall has always had
a rebellious streak.

You might even say he fancies
himself as "hot blooded."

Oh. [ Laughter ]

Delightful. More of this.

But it turns out that boys
need their mothers after all.

Please don't.

Imagine my surprise
when he came to me

and asked for
re-entry into my world

through the kind attention
of the Lemoncarbs.

I'd like to thank
them for that favor.

You're not welcome.
Never again!

Oh, no, Marshall, you didn't.

♪♪

[ Drills whirring ]

Bonnie: Good hole, Cake.

All our garbos are planted.

Setting the b*mb timer... now.

[ Bombs beep ]

Huntress will infiltrate
the throne room.

When the bombs go
off, she'll sh**t

the Vampire King's crown
right off his head.

The ice-magic-created
clouds will clear,

and, finally, all the vampires
driven out of the hive

by garlic smoke will
burn up in the daylight.

Uh, maybe we should
workshop this plan.

♪♪

♪♪

[ All coughing ]

We did it!

Yay! Yay!

No. Something's wrong.
The sky's still cloudy.

♪♪

Nice try, meat.

Star. [ Grunts ]

Oh, I'm so happy
our little artiste

is finally ready to get serious

and join the family business.

Isn't that right, Marshall?

You owe me.

Um, yeah. Maybe.

Mmm. Yes, I think you have
something very marketable here.

We should definitely
set up a meeting.

V.K., give us the crown,
or I'll scratch you up.

Agents of light...

try summa these.

Aah!

It's funny.

I don't even need this
gaudy thing to be powerful,

but I like going
outside anytime I want.

Bonnie: I'm gonna
s*ab your butt!

Try it, dweeb. [ Grunts ]

Daughter. Yeah, Dad?

Stop toying with your
prey and finish her off.

Or toy with her in
a more creative way.

Make it interesting.

[ Groans ]

Vampire King, you're a bad dad.

[ Gasps ] [ Grunts ]

Hana: We can forgive
youthful mistakes

and years and years of
embarrassing decisions.

Can't we, everyone?
[ People murmuring ]

Baby, tell the people
how grateful you are.

Ms. Abadeer, you're a bad mom.

Do something about your
excitable little friend.

Gary you don't know
how powerful she is.

You'll be blackballed
by everyone here.

I don't care.

You deserve better than anything
that creep could do for me.

Well.

I'm gonna suck out
your other eyeball.

Choke on it. [ Grunts ]

It'd be so easy to stake you.

[ Grunts ] Oh-ho!

Uh, we should bail.

Wait.

Ha-ha. Good hit, honey.

He's distracted.

Cake, no.

Fionna. No, no, let me go.

Let's zap away now.
No, I got this.

I see what you're tryin' to do.

[ Both grunt ]

Be careful. The remote.

Please, you're gonna...

[ Grunts ] Aah!

Eh?

[ Gasps ]

Hmm. Does kitty
want attention?

Does she also seek annihilation?

You're kind of hot, but
you have chicken feet.

[ Snarls ] Grab on.

[ Remote beeps ]

Ooh, I've seen a new thing.

- [ Laughs ]
- [ Grunts ]

Bonnie, you know,
you could join me.

What's the point?

The population's crashed, and
you're running out of food.

Laughing all the way while
the world goes down in flames.

[ Grunts ]

Dum-dum.

[ Both grunting ]

Baby girl. [ Roars ]

If you poof me, you'll die, too.

Together, then.

♪♪

Marshall!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪
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