Ditch Boys (2023)

[bunniefuu]

- Yeah.

I'll be there soon.

- Let's take a quick peak and see if it's bigger than mine!

Come in!

- Thanks for doing this for me.

- No problem.

Happy to help.

Yes, so beautiful and silky.

Is everything to your liking?

- Shut the f*ck up.

- Oh sh*t.

I'm gonna need to take a sh*t now.

Oh god!

Fuckin, I've gotta take a sh*t so bad.

It's f*ckin' brewing.

I've gotta drive over.

Holy sh*t!

Porta potty!

Richard, today is your lucky day!

No sh1tting in the woods for you!

Oh, there's my lucky day.

Beats a sh*t in the f*ckin' woods.

God damn it.

Ugh, Taco Bell!

Oh, what the hell is a porta potty doing here anyway?

But I'm glad I found it, ah!

- What the f*ck?

Hey, sorry I'm using your porta potty.

I'll be out in a god damn minute!

Just give me a minute.

I'll be out of your porta potty.

All right! All right!

Fine, fine, is that what you want?

That's what you want?

What!

That's right.

Run off, you f*ckin' p*ssy.

Oh sh*t!

Get the f*ck away from me, bitch ass!

- What's up, p*ssy lips?

- Who the f*ck are you talking to?

I'm talking to you.

- What's good, bro?

- I'm just pre-gaming before the party.

I'm getting ripe.

- Yeah, me too.

This party's gonna be f*cking awesome.

I've been ready since the last time.

- Dude, dude and Ashley's gonna be there, dude.

So I'm gonna get to smash it tonight.

- You ain't hit that sh*t yet, bro?

- Dude, I've been trying for months.

It just, it just hasn't happened.

But it was worth the wait.

I think I love her.

Come on, just whip it out.

I'm telling you.

- Yeah, I tried that once, but

it almost caught me a charge.

- I ain't telling you I know from experience,

just whip it out.

- Dude, I might have to if I don't get to clap them cheeks.

- Yo, the party's gonna be lit.

There's gonna be plenty of girls there.

Yeah, yeah, you know what we should do?

All of us link up at my house

and we'll drive the truck there.

- Cool, I'm cool with that.

All right, word, see ya later limp d*ck.

- Later.

- All right, peace.

I f*cking love party day, woo!

Coming by, we'll send someone over.

216 okay.

2124 here, in East Cacalade,

we might need another vehicle.

Copy that, we have a neighbor calling.

8482, we're at Chicago avenue.

- Let's go!

- f*ck yeah, woo!

- Woo.

- I'm so ready for this.

- Hey Shawn, you're on speaker right now.

- Yo, where the f*ck are you guys?

Don't tell me you pussies are bailing.

- Oh, man.

I wish we could come, but I'm super busy right now.

- Come on, bro, you can push a whole stash here.

- Yeah, I'll talk to Tom and see.

But we've got a lot going on right now.

- Well, at least stay light on the f*cking trail.

What the f*ck?

All right, peace.

- Ha.

Yo, are we going to a party?

- Get the premium stash.

- f*ck!

Wait out here.

I've got some business to conduct.

- Hurry up before I cut some bacon off that fat ass.

- Olivia, stop doing that.

You're f*cking up my stash.

- Gotcha, ya little bitch!

- Oh, f*ck you.

- Oh chill out, it was just a joke.

- You're a joke.

- You're a mistake.

- You're a whore!

- I'll get it.

- I hope your sister becomes a prost*tute.

- Are you f*cking with your little brother again?

- No, Tom this time.

- Oh, Tom's in here? Ha, ha.

Oh no.

- Stop, Phil what the f*ck are you doing?

- Ah, stop resisting.

Stop resisting!

- I ain't doing sh*t!

Stop, Phil what are you doing?

Stop, Phil, what the f*ck are you doing?

- Are you ready to die?

Huh, are you ready to die?

- Please don't sh**t!

- Three, two, one.

Bang.

- Wow, you are a little bitch.

- So how are you kids doing?

- What's up, Uncle Phil?

- Not much.

I need a nickel bag or a couple of joints.

I'm still on duty, so, nothing too heavy.

Are you guys gonna need a ride after we get out of here?

- No, it's a camping thing, so.

- All right, well be careful.

There's a lot of you kids been disappearing

up in those mountains, so.

- Don't worry, Uncle Phil.

I'm going with them.

I've got an eye on them.

- Oh, f*ck no! You're not invited.

- Shut up.

- Just leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

- Hm, put it on my account.

- What happened?

Are you all right?

- Yeah, I just had a little episode.

But I'm fine now.

I'm gonna go take a hot shower.

And then make dinner.

Do you like walking through the trees?

Yeah, I love the trees.

Yeah, how many trees are around here?

About 69.

There's more than 69 trees, here.

- But hey, bro, bro.

Are you sure we're going the right way?

- Yeah, I think so.

I mean, I don't know.

- I got something that can jog our memory.

Here, hold this.

- What's that?

- Ba-da!

Meth.

- Meth?

I don't know, man.

That's a pretty hardcore drug.

- Oh come on, bro.

One puff won't do sh*t.

Woo.

- Okay.

- Hey, Tom?

- What are you doing, Tom?

I have to smoke the rest.

Are you sure that's a good idea?

I mean, that's some strong sh*t

Lou.

If I can't smoke it,

who can?

- You're my hero.

- Uh, Tom.

Tom, I'm not feeling too good.

I don't know if it was a good idea

to smoke the rest of that batch.

Uh, I'm having a little freak out.

Are you experiencing the voices?

I can hear the devil.

I hear the devil, Tom.

I just want to get off this high.

- Lou! Lou!

Lou, Lou, Lou, listen.

We're gonna make it to that party.

- Are we gonna die?

Probably.

- What are you doing, Tom?

I'm smoking more meth

to level the vibes.

Can... can I have a hit?

- sh*t!

- I'm never doing meth again.

Okay, that was a dumb idea.

And it was fun for like 20 minutes,

but I don't ever want to do it again.

- Bro, what did you put in this sh*t?

- I don't know, but it's making me hungry.

- Call jingle nuts and...

Where this place is.

- Are you okay?

Jesus.

- No, I just.

Hey.

I think I'm hallucinating.

- I didn't put that much sh*t in them.

- Yo!

Sexy momma, we must be close.

- I might need another one of these.

- No.

Look.

Look over there.

- Dude.

- Bullshit, I see her first.

- Yeah, but I'll talk to her first.

- Wait, wait, what?

- Hey, what's up?

- Going to the store.

There's a trail that goes behind the liquor store.

- I'm not crazy or anything.

I probably scared you, I'm sorry.

- Hey, hey, what's going on?

Did you know that he is cousins with Ted Bundy?

- I'm not, really.

I was just about to tell her though

that you were on that show, "My Strange Addiction"

for not being able to stop eating d*ck.

- Okay, I should go.

- Way to go, Lou.

- Can you tell us where the party is?

- I really should go.

- Any directions would be good.

- I seriously have to go.

- Hey, maybe we could follow her out of here.

- Yeah, we could all walk together.

- Run.

I said, run.

- Wow, I can really tell that you work out.

I'm just gonna...

f*ck.

Shut up.

Oh sh*t.

- Oh sh*t, we're gonna die, aren't we?

- No, we're not.

There's gotta be a way outta here.

- We're gonna die. We're gonna die.

- Oh, good idea.

Maybe you have a w*apon or something.

Really?

Jesus Christ.

- Shh.

Tom, shut the f*ck up.

- f*ck!

Holy sh*t, I thought you were

that crazy ass monster bitch.

- Hurry up, man.

Throw a rope down or something.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Call the cops.

Or throw a rope.

- Come on, hurry up!

I can't.

- What?

- I can't let you leave.

What are you talking about?

- You're gonna go back and tell everyone about my wife.

She's just...

She's just sick.

Whatever she did.

Oh, god.

It wasn't really her.

- That was your wife?

- Great.

We're gonna be k*lled by the Addams Family.

- No.

No, no, no. Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you.

Um, uh...

I'm gonna come back

with food and water.

- Don't walk away.

Are you listening to me, assh*le?

- Dude!

I gotta take a sh*t.

- You are the dumbest person I have ever met.

Chug! Chug!

Chug, chug, chug, chug!

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

- Get it!

- Yeah!

- Woo!

- Yo, dude, your brother's gonna f*cking k*ll you.

- Help me, there's a gorilla chasing me.

- Man, f*ck him.

I hope he falls in a ditch, for all I care.

- Hi, did you see a banana around here?

- Who the f*ck are you?

- Answer the f*cking question.

Have you seen a banana?

That way!

- Thank you.

I'm gonna bash him if its the last thing I do.

- What a weird f*cking party.

- Oh my god, I f*cking know.

- Maybe we shouldn't have come.

- Exactly!

- Are you done yet?

- From rolling blunts to wiping ass.

Oh, momma always told me

a healthy butt is a happy butt.

- I hate so many things about you.

I really do.

I hate almost, like everything that you choose to be.

And this type of thing right here

is just a perfect example of you

not only being just one of the most selfish people

I've ever met, but also one of the stupidest.

Like, you say things and I'm like,

where the f*ck did that even come from?

Every time you talk it's like a million little people

puking inside of my head.

Who make me wanna f*cking explode

and now I'm trapped in a f*cking hole with you!

- Oh man, this feels so good.

Hey Lou, eat my sh*t!

God, I gotta get out of this f*cking hole.

Not my d*ck! No!

My d*ck, no!

My d*ck!

- Oh my god, Ashley, I think

your boobs are getting bigger.

- I wish Will was here to see this.

They're definitely getting bigger.

- Hi, honey.

- You're back.

- Yeah.

They didn't have the wine you like at the store,

but I made some iced tea.

Come in.

So, where did you go?

I just went out for a walk to give my eyes a rest.

- So, how are the trials going?

Are we any closer to a cure?

- The new batch failed,

but I'm still waiting on the others though.

- Have you tried altering my mitochondria

to start reproducing new RNA?

- Yeah.

- What about splicing strands of my DNA

that are associated with the alpha-X chromosome?

- Your DNA is mutating too quickly

too isolate a single chromosome.

Well...

How's dinner, honey?

- We'll find a cure.

I promise.

- Dude, I am so f*cking cold right now.

- Well, I watched on the Survival Channel

that we can cuddle and it will preserve body heat.

- No, man, I don't wanna cuddle with you right now, okay?

- Oh come on, just let it happen.

- No, what?

- Just let it happen.

- What are you doing?

Put your shirt back on.

What are you doing?

Oh, the light just went out.

You don't have to imagine my face,

just imagine my body.

Why would I want to imagine your body?

I hate how warm this actually is.

Just imagine me with big tits and a vag*na.

That's the last thing I

wanna think about right now.

All right.

Do you want me to f*ck you or something?

Is that what you're trying to say?

No, no, no.

You took your shirt off

and you took a sh*t in this hole 30 minutes ago,

and I just don't wanna be here anymore, man.

I don't wanna be here.

I hate it.

I hate you and I hate this hole.

Ha, ha, ha.

And I hate that you made me smoke meth.

Doesn't it feel great?

I don't wanna be in this hole

with you anymore, dude!

Oh man, see, doesn't that feel great?

You smell so bad.

Oh man, I smell so good.

No.

No.

It's okay, Lou.

Just let it happen.

I just wanna get out of the hole.

- Oh sh*t, no!

No!

No, no, no, no!

- Yo, yo, you got food?

- And water?

- Uh, yeah.

- Oh sh*t, man.

It's the water.

What are you doing up there?

- Well, I figured since you might

be stuck here for awhile,

I might as well enjoy a meal with you.

It smells pretty good.

Yeah, it's all right.

You want a puff?

- Nah, I don't smoke.

- Everyone smokes, man.

- Honestly, I never even tried the stuff.

- Okay...

You need a lighter.

Hiya!

- What's this for?

Yo, you look stressed out, man.

Just take a whack.

- It has been a rough day.

One puff won't hurt.

It all happened three years ago.

It was a Tuesday afternoon.

I hired a lab assistant named Karen.

sh*t, he's one of them.

Oh hell no.

Toss that sh*t back, you're cut off.

- I remember it like it was yesterday.

Day.

Day, day, day.

Are you having a stroke?

- In a sense, I'm a freelance scientist

who's looking to do the impossible.

- Impossible meaning?

- The fountain of youth.

- Like immortality?

- No, no, even a step further.

To bring back the dead.

Okay, you have the credentials

to work anywhere you want.

I mean, why are you here?

- I became a scientist because I wanted

to push the boundaries of human limitations.

In order to that, I need someone that is willing

to chase the impossible.

And your reputation precedes you, Victor.

Okay.

- Great.

- Sorry.

- Let's inject batch 13 into the bone.

Yeah.

I want you to administer the sh*t.

Without you, we wouldn't have come so far.

- No, I can't.

This is your project.

- No, no.

It's our mark on the world.

- It's working.

Are you seeing this?

- I can't believe it!

- Oh my god.

I'm so sorry.

I just...

Got caught up in all of the excitement.

- My boy's about to get some p*ssy!

- Oh, hell yeah. Ha, ha.

- Can I finish my story?

- Yeah, I'm sorry, continue.

- I knew you were gonna tap that.

- What I'm trying to say is that we fell in love.

But it didn't last long.

- Hey, Ashley.

- Oh hey, Karen, how's it going?

- Good, tired. Ha, ha, ha.

- Yeah, I bet. Where's Victor?

- I could not peel him away from his research today.

- Men, am I right?

Ha!

What can I get for you today?

- I want to get two chicken salads.

- Okay.

- And you don't have any scones?

- No, I'm sorry.

- I love those scones.

- I know, aren't they so good?

- Yeah.

- Ladies, can I get some tea?

- I can help you in just one second, sir.

- I'm really in a rush.

I just need some tea and I

gotta get the f*ck outta here.

- Okay, I understand, just give me a second.

- It's okay.

- She said it's okay, can I get some tea?

- Yes.

- Shh, just be quiet.

This is a robbery.

I need all the money, f*ck the tea.

- Come on, open the register.

Open the register.

- Sir, please don't hurt us.

- Look, faster, let's go!

Throw the money in the bag.

What are you doing?

What the f*ck are you doing?

Come on, hurry up!

- What the f*ck are you doing?

f*ck!

- The b*llet k*lled her.

I should have just let her go, but...

I just loved her too much.

This is all my fault.

- You can't blame yourself, man.

You can't cry about the past.

It's gone.

You can't worry about the future as it arrives.

Take the present in and just live life, bro.

- That may be the most profound thing you've ever said.

- Then I got the call.

The serum brought back the dead,

but it also brought back something...

Darker.

sh*t, I lost track of time.

I'll be back later.

- Oh man.

Speaking of sh*t, man.

I gotta take a sh*t.

- No! Just wait!

You've taken five already.

God, I gotta get out of this f*cking hole!

- It's diarrhea.

- Baby?

- Karen.

- What's wrong?

Are you okay?

Who hurt you?

- I did.

- Leave him alone.

- We're gonna k*ll him.

- No.

Not him.

Not Victor!

- You're going to k*ll him.

- Get out of my head.

Get out of my head!

You're not real.

- Die!

- Get out of my head.

Get out of my head.

- Karen.

Karen!

Karen!

Karen?

Karen, wait.

Karen!

- It smells like sh*t in here.

- That's because you sh*t in here.

- Well, dogs do it, so why can't I?

- Because you're not a f*cking dog, Tom.

- That's not what my mom told me.

- Yeah.

You think we're gonna die in here?

- Yeah, probably.

- What's one thing you wanna do before you die?

Probably have like an orgy

with like every Miss America

from all over the states.

- Wow, that's bold.

- Yeah.

- I woulda thought you would have just said, like,

have sex for the first time.

You're really going for it.

- Yeah, orgy-porgy.

- Is that what they say?

- Yeah, that's what they say.

- Maybe try one girl first, you know?

- What if I don't like it with her, you know?

I have a bunch of girls.

And then I have a bunch of choices.

See which one I like the best.

- I'm just baffled you think you can convince

like 100 different women to have sex with you.

- Oh, I have my ways.

I have my ways.

- That was pretty f*cking creepy, I'm not gonna lie.

- Yeah, I know.

I've been working on that.

- Yeah, take that f*cking big cock.

- f*ck, I think I'm out of weed.

- Yeah, where the f*ck is Tom and Lou?

- I don't know, but those stupid fucks

better get here soon.

- Yo, I didn't know Becca liked girls.

- See, even Becca's getting laid.

- Shut the f*ck up.

- Whoa, calm down.

I was just playing, relax.

What the f*ck?

What the f*ck is that?

Is that a d*ck?

- That's Will's d*ck.

- How the f*ck do you know what Will's d*ck looks like?

- I don't know.

- What the f*ck!

- Which one of these do I wanna move?

Okay, okay.

- Bro, I already told you.

That's not the bishop.

The dirty bandaid is.

- Jesus Christ, man.

Calm down, okay, it's fine.

f*ck your bishops.

- You son of a bitch.

f*ck your king.

- You just ate your own king.

- Yeah.

- Fair point.

That tastes pretty f*cking good.

- Did it?

f*ck it.

Ha, ha.

- Man, f*ck this phone.

How is there not one bar of service around here?

This is f*cking ridiculous.

Come on.

- You hear that?

- Yeah, I think someone just f*cking screamed.

f*cking stupid bitch.

- Karen!

Karen!

Karen!

- Yo, Nick.

- Whoa, whoa.

- f*ck you, get away from me.

You spilled my beer.

- Where is she? - I don't know.

- Where is she? - I don't know.

She was behind me.

sh*t.

- All right, calm down.

Take a second, all right?

- Holy f*ck! - Oh my god.

- Damn it, bitch.

You want some of this, bitch.

You're going down, bitch.

- Damn it, it's not working.

What am I missing!

- I need you to promise me.

- I can't.

- I'm losing myself.

I can feel it trying to take over.

- I'm not gonna lose you.

- This is what I want.

I don't wanna hurt people anymore.

Please.

Please, just promise me

that if things go south and we can't save me

that you'll end this.

- Karen.

- Please.

- Okay.

- I'm sorry.

- No, no.

I promise.

- I love you.

- I promise.

- Everything in my life

has come to this exact

moment.

- Shut the f*ck up.

- I shall never be silenced.

- I hate you.

- Keep going.

Keep going.

You almost got it.

- All right, all right.

I'm done.

I'm done with your stupid f*cking movie voice.

There, it's a castle, yay!

- That looks more like a direct to DVD castle.

Oh! It's so pretty.

It's so pretty.

- Don't touch it.

- Why are you do mean to me?

- What the f*ck, man!

- Go, get out of here before it's too late.

- Ugh, me first.

- I guess, ladies first.

- I'm not a lady.

Even though I kind of have good lady arms.

- Head east until you find the road.

- About time!

Tom, let's go.

- Victor knew!

Fighting this w*r alone was a su1c1de mission.

But if he could convince his once foes into allies...

He may have a sh*t.

- What the hell are you saying?

- Yeah, I don't know what you're saying, either, okay.

But you have to go, leave, save yourself.

Karen's dead.

I have to finish what I started.

Now it's just the monster that remains.

- We have to help him.

- No!

No, we f*cking don't.

f*ck him. f*ck you.

f*ck that stupid-ass hole in the woods.

I'm ready to go!

Let's go, come on, man!

- Lou!

- What?

- Remember that time in the 7th grade

when a 12th grader showed us that big hole

inside the girl's locker room wall?

But a voice from the other side told you

to whisper that magical catch phrase.

Before you got to see the naked girls.

So, you whispered the catch phrase.

And a giant cock yoked you in the throat.

And it was so big that it got stuck.

- Yeah, and then I started doing dr*gs with you.

- Yeah, yeah, but before that.

Do you know what I did at that exact moment?

- Yeah, you ripped me off that thick ass d*ck.

You saved my life. You did it, I get it.

- Exactly!

And right now Victor has a giant d*ck!

In his mouth.

- What the f*ck are you talking about?

- You know what, you're right.

Cum breath here, he needs our help.

But you know what we need?

Some weapons.

- Yeah.

- Follow me.

- Okay, now we're talking.

- Boys, choose your w*apon.

- Wow.

- What are you, Rambo?

- Ha.

This is sick.

Dibs.

- I want it.

I want it!

- No, I saw it first.

- Oh yeah, but I loved it first.

I want it!

- It's in my stomach, you can't get it.

- Who gives a sh*t?

- What?

Halfsies!

- Where are ya going?

Bitch!

- That's for show.

I only have one arrow for it.

- That's one more than I need.

- Ha!

So what's the plan?

- The hole.

We go back there.

- Cool.

- All right, Tom.

This is on you, man.

The fate of the world is in your hands.

Did you shave?

- Yeah, like five minutes ago.

- What?

When? Why?

- I was feeling depressed.

- What, no?

How? How'd you shave?

- I don't know.

I found a razor on the ground and I...

- Okay, it doesn't matter, I don't care.

Listen, this is all on you.

I don't know what I'm doing

and I've never used a g*n before.

You ever use a bow and arrow?

- No.

- Okay, we are f*cked.

We are so f*cked.

- But Lou, at least we have each other.

- Right.

I'm gonna die over here.

- Karen!

Karen!

No more hiding.

Karen.

- Holy sh*t, there she is.

- Do it.

Take the sh*t.

- Karen we have to face this.

We have so much blood on our hands.

- You think you can k*ll me, Victor?

- No.

No, I'm not here to k*ll you.

I'm here to save you.

- I'm not the one that needs saving now.

Ra!

- Blah.

- You stupid mother f*ckers!

- sh*t, the wind took it.

- What wind?

There's no wind.

- f*ck this.

- f*ck.

I think I'm out.

- We're so f*cked.

- Who are you?

- We're the mother f*cking Ditch Boys.

- Holy sh*t.

You k*lled her.

Cool!

She's dead.

Holy sh*t.

You f*cking k*lled her, man.

That's crazy.

You just sniped her, dude, wow.

That was impressive.

I'm impressed.

I am impressed, Tom.

This is the first thing you've ever...

You've redeemed yourself.

I've never been this impressed before.

Oh my god, dude, she's dead!

How'd you do that?

I was like, bang, bang, bang.

I didn't hit her one time.

I didn't hit her once.

And you come in with the arrow and you're like, ba!

Ha, ha.

You are so damn cool.

Everything mean I've ever said about you, I retract.

I retract it right now.

You sniped her in the head.

You saved us all.

You little archer, you.

Did you go to archery camp?

Have you been holding that in, huh?

You little archer.

You little demon warrior.

You just, bing!

And she's just so dead.

She's in the hole now.

We were in the hole and now she's in the hole.

I love ya, Tom.

You know, I really, I hate you sometimes.

But right now, I love ya.

I could kiss you.

I could, but I won't.

Ha, ha, I won't!

I won't.

- Is she dead?

- I'm gonna have to bury her.

- Okay.

- It's okay, Victor.

- See ya later, bitch.

- There's other Karens in the sea.

- Who knows, maybe you'll get a trophy wife.

- Please shut the f*ck up.

- I love you, Victor.

- Shut the f*ck up.

- Adopt me.

Did I scare him?

- I don't know, man, who cares?

- Yup, she's definitely dead.

- You wanna grab a shovel?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yup, that's exactly what I meant.

- Yeah.

So, am I still a good archer?

- Yeah, whatever.

All right, the moment's over.

- Ditch Boys Incorporated.

Hold on a second.

Who the f*ck are you?

- Are these the Ditch Boys?

- Ha, yeah.

Who's asking?

- Okay, okay.

Can we help you?

- Is this you?

- Yeah, that's our ad.

- Good.

I'm Gustavo Montoya.

- Hey, man.

- What's up?

- I'm from a branch of the

government you haven't heard of.

We need your help.

- With what?

- Whoa! What the f*ck is that?

- Yeah man, what is that?

- The end of the world if you cannot help us.

I hope your balls are as huge as they say.

- They are.

- I've got balls of steel!

- I'm sorry about him.

- We'll look into it.

- Good.

- I gotta take a poop again.

- We're not in the hole anymore.

You can use a toilet this time.

- Yeah, but I kinda like the hole.

- Okay, go in the hole.

Why don't you go back in the hole

and then never come out?

How about that?

We'll do this one and you go in the hole

and we'll solve the crime.

- Nah, but then that wouldn't be fun.

Because you know, it's like the three amigos,

and then it would be the two amigos.

- But you like sh1tting in the hole.

- Please shut the f*ck up.

- But like, two plus one equals three.

- That's...

Fine, that's true.

That is true.

- Yeah, yeah.

The three amigos.

It's like the three musketeers, am I right?

- Uh, f*cking sh*t.

- You know, if you take like musketeer away,

it'd be like the two musketeers.

- Why did I hire you two?

- Yeah, you know what.

It's the three musketeers, right?

That's what the candy bar is.

- We'll think about it.

We should bring him inside.

- No, no, no!

- No. Why? Why not?

- No, no, no, no!

- He looks so cute, though.

Come on, look, can I touch him?

- Touch him.

- No! Jesus f*cking Christ.

- Aw, I wanna touch him.

Come on.

I bet he's a little cuddly little creature.

- We could cook him.

- Yeah, we could cook him.

Be a nice little dinner.

- What would you call this?

Like an amphibian, a reptile?

- Bye, call us tomorrow.

- I'm not ready...

- Call us tomorrow.

- Ha, ha, sorry!

I can't, sorry.

Sorry.

- Tom, shut the f*ck up!

- I'm sorry.

f*cking, all right, hold on.

- Karen, wait!

One more time.

Action.

- Karen!

Karen, wait!

Oh, you f*cking bitch!

I'm still rolling.

All right, hold on.

Action.

- Sorry.

I didn't know where to look

because I was gonna look here.

Can I start over? Sorry.

- Head east until you find the road.

- It's about time.

Tom, let's go.

- Victor knew heading into

this w*r was a su1c1de mission.

But little did he know,

that he had foe or friend.

We'll be.

Cut.

- Fine.

- Okay.

Take small breaths.

All right, I'm rolling.

How close are you?

How close should I get?

- Get out of my sh*t, Mike.

- Fair enough.

- Action.

- Hurry up before I cut some bacon off your fat ass.

Hurry your fat ass up.

- Oh, I looked left on that one.

All right, I'm still rolling.

- Hurry up your donut eating ass.

Hurry your fat ass up.

- Fall on the ground.

Like, what do you do at that moment, like?

- Same time next week.

- That angle was so f*cked up.

That was an extreme jerk.

- Okay, rolling.

- Ra!

- Cut, we got it.

Action.

- f*ck, man.

- Ah, the blood pump.

- Run.

- Oh, what?

- I said, run!

Cut.

- I looked right in the camera at the end.

- Ha, ha, ha!

- Tom.

But look, the world is our p*ssy.

- Can't you see.

- Tom, can't you see.

- Drugged out. - Yeah.

- Tom.

Tom.

I'm Tom.

I'm Lou. I'm Lou.

You're Tom.

Don't be Lou, together.

We can make it.

Are you ready?

- Where is she?

Where is she?

- I don't know.

Mother f*ck.

- That's you.

Because you never f*cking wipe, dude.

- You can't do shield and sh**t at the same time.

Do you know how to play the game?

- I don't think you do.

- I don't think I do, either.

- Reload.

You don't know what I'm doing, do you?

- No.

- Yeah, reload.

Shield.

sh**t.

- Reload.

Shield. - Shield.

- sh**t. - sh**t.

- Okay, we both got it, ready?

- Reload.

No.

Reload.

Say it with me. You're, come on.

- Uh... - Are you deaf?

What's wrong?