[film projector whirring]
[Lankis Entertainment
introductory theme]
[tense music playing]
[birds chirping]
-[Eddie screaming]
[panting]
[screaming loudly]
[Kn*fe clanks]
[catchy music playing]
[suspenseful music plays]
[soft, dramatic music plays]
[creepy whisper] Mattie.
- Hello? Eddie?
[suspenseful music plays]
[door closes]
- Ah!
- [screaming]
[laughing]
You got me again.
- [scary voice] Mattie.
Mattie. Mattie.
- Nuh-huh.
- Come on.
It's a fake Kn*fe.
I bring it every time I camp.
It's an icebreaker.
- Rae barely knows you,
and Jess doesn't get
your sense of humor.
- You're k*lling me.
Masks are strong totems
in horror.
- Is this a good idea?
- The mask? Yes.
One hundred percent.
- No! Camping.
Maybe we should just do
like Jess suggested
and rent a hotel room.
- Okay, if Jagger
can spend ten days
roughing it
in the wilderness,
it would probably be
a good idea for you
to get some glamping
out of the way
before marrying him.
Personally, I think the mistake
was inviting T&A.
- Don't call them that.
[Rae] She's eccentric.
[Jess] "Eccentric?"
Single White Female .
Besides, they've been
housemates for like what?
A year, and she's planning
this whole thing?
- It's not
the bachelorette party.
- Well, she shouldn't
be planning anything.
- We just happen
to be going camping
the same weekend Jagger is?
It's a bit synchronistic,
don't you think?
- Hmm.
- Plus, Matts said
he's going solo.
- You know he's up there
partying with his friends.
- Child. We know.
[suspenseful music plays]
[Jagger panting]
[Eddie] [VO] Ever since
we were kids,
a dark cloud
has followed Jagger...
until he met you.
It's so amazing
you've always been
able to see
past his history.
- He's always been
honest about it.
- His mom...
his dad...
[rubber duck squeaks]
His ex...
- [screams]
[blood splatters]
[Eddie] [VO] And the real
k*ller's still out there,
you know?
Can't believe
he was a suspect.
- I don't wanna think about it.
- Less people at the wedding.
Ha-ha.
- That's not funny.
- No, of course not.
I just...
- What?
- Look, um...
I just...
I want you to make sure
you know what
you're getting into
before saying "I do."
You know,
till death do you part.
[Jess] It's my dad's car.
I can pack extra if I want .
If something needs to
go on the roof,
we'll put it on the roof.
Like Eddie.
- ["Yea Yea Yea" by Skrxlla]
- [laughs]
Where is the tent?
[Jess] Try-Hard said
she's bringing one.
[Eddie] It's gonna be so fun.
[Rae and Jess laughing]
- [Jess] Oh.
- [Rae] Oh.
- Look at both of you.
[Rae] Adorable.
- Did you--
did you make those?
- She got you guys shirts, too.
- Here you go.
- Aw.
- Oh, that's amazing.
- Oh!
- So sweet.
- So thoughtful,
and just, pink is my--
my favorite color.
- Camping.
- Yeah.
- Whoo!
["Egos" by Nate Rose]
Uh [sh*t]
I heard they checking for me
No one checking on me
[Jess] You know, we could
jump on a plane
and be at a beach
a lot quicker.
[Eddie] And that would also
cost us a fortune.
Besides, there's a surprise.
[Mattie] What surprise?
[Jess] No, we'll do whatever
you want. It's your weekend.
[Mattie] No, it's our weekend.
[Eddie] Ah. I just lost
my signal.
- sh*t. Do you know
where we're going?
[Eddie] I wouldn't get
our girl lost.
- Okay, well, I think
we should ask someone.
- What, ask where we're camping?
Have you ever seen
a horror movie?
Lost.
No cell service.
Asking for directions.
- Not exactly
how I want to be f*cked.
- I--I know where we're going.
Oh, I know.
List of stupid things
people do in horror movies.
- Make dumbass lists.
- Well, you k*lled that.
- Don't swim
in shark-infested waters.
- Don't open the doors
to other dimensions.
- Don't have sex.
- Screw that.
- [Rae giggles]
- Don't assume that
a crazy person is harmless.
- Don't investigate
strange noises.
- Don't split up.
- [Mattie] No.
No one is splitting up.
- Buddy check.
[together] Buddy check!
- You too, Eddie.
Thank you for doing this.
- What are best friends for?
[tense music playing]
[sudden thump]
- [groans]
- What the f*ck was that?
[flies buzzing]
[Eddie] Oh, yes. Here.
Right here.
And... surprise!
[Jess] Wait. They're all
staying in one tent?
[Mattie] Who?
- We're all in one tent.
- But that's just
two tents for all of us.
What if we want to
hook up with someone?
- Whose tent is that?
- Like you didn't know
Jagger and his friends
would be up here.
- I didn't.
Are we okay to be here?
He wanted to go by himself.
- He told me the GPS.
Yes.
[Rae] That looks like
it's been here a while.
- Wait, where's their cars?
- Probably
in town at the bar.
- There's a town?
[Jess and Rae] There's a bar?
[Jess] Is it gonna rain?
[Eddie] It's all part
of the fun.
Welcome to the mountains.
[Jess] I brought
a frickin' key lock
for possible lockers
by a pool.
Where are we?
- And the bathrooms...?
- Oh, no way.
- Eddie...
- Mm-mm.
- What's the bucket for?
[Eddie] Um...
it goes with this.
- I am not doing
bowel-gebra in a bucket.
- You did want to
do something wild.
[Eddie] Wild.
Like the bears.
- Bears?
- This is great, Eddie.
Yeah.
[sighs]
Hey, peeps.
Um, if you're sitting there
wondering what the hell
I got up to this weekend,
I was in the middle of nowhere.
Dodging bears.
And if I die, this will be
a part of my found footage.
You deserve so much better.
- Hey, can we keep
the phone in the car?
This is supposed to be
back to basics.
- Okay. I did not remember
Mattie or anyone
agreeing to
sh1tting in a bucket.
"Oh, hey, do you want
to go out for the weekend
and sh*t in a damn bucket?"
"Oh, wow. That sounds aces."
- The bucket kind of stinks.
- Literally.
Literally stinks.
- We use bags.
In the bucket.
- Oh, that's so much better.
- It'd be nice to
have some mementos
for Mattie to remember this by.
Pictures.
Not poops.
- Okay, it's settled.
Rae and I'll pay for a hotel.
- This will be fun.
- It will, I promise.
And as for pictures...
enough film and flash
for days.
Come--come on.
[Polaroid camera flashes]
- Okay, that's cool.
- [chuckles]
I'll keep it in my bag with me.
I gotta make sure to keep
certain things close by.
- [chuckles]
[Eddie] Oh.
Yes. Found the shower.
["Need a Lover" by Dani Jalali
instrumental music]
[Mattie] I don't think
this is right.
[cork pops]
- [indistinct shouting]
- Bringing wood out here
would be like
bringing water to an ocean.
[Jess] I bring water
to the ocean.
I bring water to the pool.
I bring water.
- There were
"no fires" signs all over.
- Trust me,
I've got it all figured out.
[branch snaps]
- What, are you SWAT now?
- Did you hear that?
[distant scream echoing]
- No, Eddie.
Eddie, no.
We're not supposed to
investigate strange sounds.
- It sounds like
something's in pain.
- Eddie!
- All right. Come on.
Whatever. Let's go.
[Rae sighs]
- [screams in fright]
- [all screams]
- [Eddie laughs]
- [Mattie chuckles]
Oh, my gosh.
- [fake sweet]
She's so funny.
- Ew. Gross.
- All right,
you already got us once.
[Rae] Not falling for it.
- No, really.
Mattie, come here.
- Oh, yuck. Guys.
[Eddie]
What would do this?
[Rae] What is it?
- [Mattie] Come on.
- [Jess] Oh, God. No, no, no.
[Mattie] Maybe the guys
are back by now.
[flies buzzing]
- Poor raccoon.
[Jess] Rae, come on.
[flies buzzing]
["Starry Eyed"
by Jane & The Boy]
Got me upside down
Spinnin' around you
[Jess] Ah. The four Fs:
Food. Friends. Fake fire.
Just waiting on the fifth.
[laughs]
- I would have thought they
would have been here by now.
Anyone else cold?
- No, of course not.
- Ooh.
Tell your mom
this one is a definite yes.
- Ooh.
- Sure you don't want to try?
- Mm-mm.
- To Mattie.
- [Jess] To Mattie.
- [Rae] To Mattie.
[all] Cheers.
[Mattie] Thank you, guys.
Thank you, Eddie.
I'd never have come out here
without my girls.
- Aw.
- [Rae shivers]
Maybe we can use
our socks as mittens.
- Here.
I have an extra pair of gloves.
- Oof. Thank you.
- We just need to, um,
make sure to clean
all this up
before we go to bed.
- Okay, Mom.
- Ooh, are your parents
going to ground us?
- My parents are dead.
- Ouch.
- I'm so sorry.
- [awkward chuckle]
- [chuckles]
Her parents aren't dead.
She told me she visited them
a couple days ago.
[Eddie laughs]
[Mattie] She gets me
and Jags all the time.
[Eddie laughs]
- Ha-ha-ha.
- No, really.
We have to make sure
to do certain things
or else we could attract...
[distant crackles]
[suspenseful music playing]
[camera flashes, print ejects]
[Mr. Rogers] Stupid kids.
[Jess] Hell of a surprise, Ed.
- This is where
we're supposed to be.
How did I know
it wasn't their tent?
- There's your bear, Rae.
[Rae] There's your wild man,
Jess.
- Funny enough,
he's our stripper. [laughs]
Did you see the pole?
- I saw the g*n.
- Maybe we should move.
- I say we just chill here
and deal with it tomorrow.
Nothing has changed.
- "Nothing has changed?"
- [faux dramatic] Except now,
maybe we are feet away
from a homicidal maniac.
[laughing]
I got you.
[laughs]
- What if it is their tent?
- Oh, god.
[camera flashes]
They probably saw him
and set up somewhere else.
- I think
we should find the guys.
- If we let this guy
k*ll our pre-batch party,
then he wins, right?
We have just as much a right
to be here as he does.
Mattie, it's your weekend.
What do you want to do?
[maraca plays]
- [awkward chuckle]
["Ratata" by Curtis Cole]
- [muttering]
Whole freakin' forest...
- Can we please
turn this crap off
and put on something good?
[all groan in disagreement]
[Rae] You're such a buzz k*ll,
Jess.
[music switched off]
- How about...
we take something off?
- [laughs]
- What?
Am I the only one with balls?
- I just figured
you'd show us at some point.
- [growls]
- Really? No one?
No one has...
- Fine. f*ck it.
I call.
[Eddie laughs]
- Jess.
- Oh. Nicely played, Jess.
And...
I raise you.
- No. Eddie, don't.
- I don't think that had
the desired effect
you were going for.
- What about you, Mattie?
You came out here
to get wild, right?
- I would,
but not in front of him.
- Doing it
in front of a stranger
is what makes it liberating.
[Mr. Rogers] Stranger?
I'm no stranger.
Hell, we're co-eds!
- You need new earmuffs.
- Okay, let's all
put our shirts back on.
Come on.
Eddie, please.
- I should be reading.
- No. Don't.
He's just messing with us.
He's just a big fat goofball.
[Mattie] Come on. Stop it.
Put it on.
Please.
[Jess] Come on. It's freezing.
- Fine.
[Mr. Rogers] When you're done,
put your foodstuff
in the bear box.
- A bear box?
[Mr. Rogers] It's also
for the raccoons.
- Aw! I love raccoons.
- All right. We'll just keep
the food in the car.
[Mr. Rogers] You could.
Would it be mansplaining
to tell you
that I've seen big-ass bears
rip doors off of cars
just like that
to get at an old greasy
French fry under a bucket seat?
- [mouths] I know.
- [Mr. Rogers] Hell, even I can
smell the grease emanatin'.
- Come on.
You're helping.
- f*ck.
- Do we use that one?
[Mr. Rogers] No. This is mine.
- Real nice.
Real neighborly.
[Mr. Rogers]
Twenty feet that way.
Pass your ass,
there's another one.
I let guests use that one.
- Oh, guests?
Now we're--
we're his guests?
This guy.
We're done
talking to you, creep.
[Jess] What do we do
with the trash?
[Mr. Rogers]
Drive it out, bear box,
or you bag it hanging
from a tree ten feet up.
[trash thuds]
- We should bounce.
[Mattie] Where?
- Uh, find the guys...
and air out the car... anywhere.
[Mr. Rogers] Not just
the food that smells.
- Is that some sexist remark?
[Mr. Rogers] You all smell like
a potpourri of floral farts
at a farmer's market.
[Jess] Okay, Grandpa.
[Eddie] I'll find the bear box.
- All right. Seriously,
come on, guys.
We should go find
someplace warm.
- Yeah.
[Mr. Rogers] I wouldn't leave
if I were you, Jess.
Not gonna find your way back.
[Jess] How do you know my name?
- Everyone within half a mile
knows all of your names.
You're Jess,
one getting married is Mattie.
- Okay, let's go.
Come on.
- [Rae] Yeah.
- Hey, you two go.
We'll be fine.
[Mr. Rogers]
And the other one is Eddie.
-[Rae] Are you sure?
-[Mattie] Yeah.
Just drive around a little
and then come back.
- You're sure
this is what you want?
- Yes. Hurry back.
[Rae] Okay.
- [Jess] Okay.
- [Mattie] Bye.
- [Jess] Love you.
- [Rae] Love you.
- [Eddie] Rah!
- [screams]
[Mattie] Ugh! Eddie!
[Eddie laughing]
- God, you f*cking...
[Mattie] You promised.
- Okay, I'm done with it.
I'll put it back in the truck.
- One day,
she's going to get it
like a big house
flying down on her.
- We'll see you
in a few minutes, okay?
Go.
Love you.
- Be safe.
- [Mattie] Yeah.
- [Eddie laughs]
- They're still
warming up to you.
- Yeah.
- You think we're safe?
[pocket Kn*fe clanks]
- You'd be surprised
what I can do with it.
[car door closes]
[car engine starts]
[Mattie] I have to go
take a wee, so just, uh...
- Oh, wear this
so I can see you.
Where'd you get that,
by the way?
[Mattie] It's a gift
I never wear.
[Eddie] Flashlight. It's dark.
- Oh, thanks, Eddie.
You're the best.
[footsteps receding]
[soft, tense music playing]
[tense music playing]
[bucket thuds]
Oh, no.
Huh. Oh.
O-kay.
Come on.
Let the river flow.
Let the river flow.
[urinating into bucket]
Okay.
- [chainsaw revving]
- [screams]
- [Mr. Rogers] Turn it off!
- [Mattie] Eddie?
- [Mr. Rogers] Turn it off!
- [Mattie] Eddie?!
[Mr. Rogers]
What is wrong with you?
[Mattie] Eddie?
Eddie!
Are you okay?
What happened?
- I went over to talk to him.
- Why?
[Mr. Rogers muttering
indistinctly]
- I just thought
I should apologize.
- I heard a chain--
- He was cutting something up.
- In the dark?
Hey, it's okay.
You're okay.
God, I wish they'd
get back here already.
[Rae] So we're not going back?
[Jess] We've been
lost for hours.
We are near empty.
I'm not sleeping in the car.
Or did you miss the part
about the bears
literally ripping
the doors off?
Because I wear honeysuckle
deodorant, Rae!
Honey f*cking suckle!
[car door closes]
[Rae] This place is creepy.
[Jess] It's the only place
we've seen.
[door opens]
- [Jess gasps sharply]
- Aw, he's so cute.
- [screams]
- [HXB] Ah!
[all screaming]
- Stop!
You're gonna give me
a heart att*ck.
You okay, Peppercorn, baby?
You okay?
Did they scare my baby?
["Stick Around" by Max Hixon]
I don't know
what crappy carrier you have
but GPS always
nearly work anywhere.
- I'm sorry.
How do you pronounce that?
- This?
"H-X-B."
How would you pronounce it?
- Heckeba?
- "Hot Cross Buns."
[both chuckle]
My karaoke name. Yup.
You can see me
do my thing every Wednesday,
seven till midnight
down at The Barn.
I mean, I'm in rotation
with whoever shows up.
- Oh.
- But we love us new blood.
Helps if you can carry a tune.
- [vocalizes]
Me-me-me-me.
- But unfortunately,
that don't stop most.
- We actually
don't have any gas.
- Gas opens at eight.
And as far as calling the police
to help you find your pals...
we don't have cops.
We have a sheriff and rangers.
Your phones
really aren't working?
[Jess] Tell us we're nuts.
- I'm just a dumb local but,
uh...
- Hey, they weren't working
a minute ago. I don't--
- Yup. We have running water,
electricity,
and "flushable" toilets.
Okerrr.
[Jess] [sighs] Okay, wait.
I don't have service anymore.
[Rae] Me either.
How am I supposed
to download my notes?
[Jess] Okay.
You try going that way
and I'll try going this way.
We'll see if we have signal.
- [Rae] Okay.
- [phone beeps]
- Yep, I got service again.
- Yeah, me too. Thank god.
- Ah. Okay, wait.
So let's switch
and see if it stays the same.
[Rae] Yeah, yeah. Good idea.
You left me hanging.
- Yeah, I still got it.
- Yeah, me too.
[Jess] All right. Well, weird.
[Rae] All right. Let's go.
[phone beeps]
[Jess] Wait. Mine dropped out.
[Rae] Mine too.
- What the...
- [phone beeps]
- [Jess] Oh.
- Oh, it's back.
- Oh, my gosh.
- [chuckles]
- Boo!
- [Rae and Jess scream]
- Yeah, I know.
I'm creepy.
- Hah!
- No, seriously,
you should lock your doors.
You young generations,
always staring at your phones,
never paying attention.
And keep it quiet out here.
You're gonna
wake up Peppercorn.
- [Jess exhales]
- [Rae] This is crazy.
[exhales]
Do you have a tampon?
I think I might be
syncing with the moon
or something out here.
- Yeah. Back here.
- Okay, good.
Just want to be prepared.
[Jess] Wait,
what the f*ck is this?
[Rae] I don't know.
It's your dad's truck.
[Jess] There's a button.
- [Rae] Okay.
- I'm gonna just turn it off.
- Okay.
- [phone beeps]
- Wait, my service is back.
- Mine too.
[Jess]
That's a cell phone jammer.
- Eddie.
[birds chirping]
- [snoring]
[g*nsh*t]
[gasping in sheer terror]
Eddie?
[zipper whirring]
Eddie?!
Eddie?!
Jess?
Rae?
Ha-ha. Come on, guys.
This isn't funny.
[suspenseful music plays]
Hello?
Ah! Eddie!
I thought I heard a g*nsh*t.
Are you okay?
What is that?
- I found it with your vest.
- What are you talking about?
What?
Why do you have a g*n?
Is that his?
- I got up to pee
and I looked over
and I saw him,
and he had your vest.
- How could he have my vest?
It was in our tent.
- [Eddie] I know.
I don't know how he got it.
He was--
he was jerking off into it.
- He what?
- And the g*n
was just laying there.
- I heard a g*nsh*t.
- Yeah, I ran over
and I picked up the g*n
and I sh*t it in the air
and he ran off.
And a g*n?
A chainsaw?
What else does this guy
have in his tent?
- You shouldn't have that.
- You want me
to give it back to him?
- I don't know!
God, I wish Jagger
was here already.
And where are Jess and Rae?
- What if they did
come back last night?
Would it really be that hard
for a guy that big
to just k*ll them
and dump the truck somewhere?
I mean, what if
that is Jagger's tent?
- If this is
one of your stupid jokes--
- You think I'm lying?!
- I will be so pissed
at you if this is, okay?
- What is that?
[Mattie] Eddie, please.
Stay here. Eddie!
- You saw me put this
in the back of the truck.
How could it be here, Matts?
[intense music playing]
[Mattie] What are you doing?
- Making sure
he doesn't have more things
to k*ll us with.
That's a heavy-duty fork.
That's what Jess has been
wanting all weekend.
Sorry.
I joke when I'm nervous.
- What are you doing?
Eddie.
Eddie!
- I'm checking for weapons
in case he comes back.
[suspenseful music playing]
- Is that blood on my vest?
[chuckles]
It's stage blood, right?
When I told you
I didn't care about this vest,
you figured...
Mm. Bravo, Eddie.
Bravo.
- We have to stick together.
- I'm not falling for it.
- I'm telling you the truth.
[breathing heavily]
[water splashes]
- [laughing]
[sniffles]
[HXB] You can call the rangers.
But even with reservists,
they don't have the resources.
Besides bear boxes,
ya remember anything, the camp?
- There was a man camping there.
[Rae] He was big. Like...
ex-football player big.
- Like ex-ex-ex-football
player big.
I mean, a tall white guy.
He had a deep voice
and like a really
dirty-looking tent.
- He had a g*n,
and he was eating tuna
out of a can.
- Oh, yeah.
That was gross.
And a hat.
- Oh, and a fishing pole.
- [Jess] Mm-hm.
- Wait.
You could be talking about Ed.
Ed Rogers used to be
a rich big sh*t,
theme parks or something.
Sounded like his second wife
did him dirty and hard.
- Ugh.
- He's so pathetic.
- [laughs]
I'm gonna melt down
that dinosaur.
[Gabby] [laughs] Is he really
gonna go live in the woods?
- Hopefully, he'll go extinct.
[both laugh]
- Maybe he k*lled her,
for all I know.
Said he liquefied everything.
Bought this huge site between
the state and federal land.
Contained the old
Chilton's Campground.
Quiet guy.
If you were camping
next to Mr. Rogers,
you were camping on his land.
Every two weeks, we see him.
He stays a day or two.
Does his laundry.
Does his town business.
Actually, I just saw
his nephew this past Friday.
Good-looking kid
from your neck of the world.
Mm, Jimmy?
Mm-mm. Joogie? Jeggie?
- Jagger?
- Yeah. That's it.
Jagger.
k*ller smile.
[Rae] [VO] That guy is
Jagger's uncle?
Okay, this is getting weirder.
Do you know where his tent is?
[creepy music plays]
- I'm actually starting
to like that mask there.
Like a friend standing guard.
[chuckles]
So stupid.
[water drips]
["Bestfriend"
by Team Callahan]
- Rah!
- Ah!
- [giggles] Oh, man.
- You scared me.
- Good.
Got you back.
- I thought
you were working today.
- Off early.
Your parents
live on a dirt road?
- Um, my friend
wanted to go hiking.
- [Mattie] Oh.
- Long story.
You know what?
You and I should go camping,
by ourselves.
Screw Jagger.
- Yes.
We should bring Jess and Rae.
Jess's father
is an outdoorsy guy.
He's got a tent and stuff.
- I thought...
- I think the last place
they went camping
had a pool and tennis courts.
- That's called
cheap vacationing.
I thought it could
just be you and me.
Um, I have all sorts
of camping stuff.
- I love this idea.
Just the four of us,
in the woods,
having a good time.
- It--it would be
so much easier--
- It'd be like
a pre-bachelorette party.
- Yes! Yes.
- Aw.
You so get me.
You know,
if I wasn't marrying Jagger,
I would so marry you.
- [chuckles]
- Major in my best friend
[birds chirping]
[car honking]
- They're back!
[car doors opening]
[Mattie]
Where have you two been?
[Jess] Someone thought
it was funny
to put a cell phone jammer
in the car.
Where is she?
Eddie, come out here.
- I borrowed it as a gag.
I knew where we were going.
- You mean we can call?
- No, not here.
But everywhere else in this--
- [Eddie] It was a joke.
- And someone said
that they saw Jagger on Friday.
So he's up here somewhere.
- Yeah, at least
she didn't lie about that.
Eddie, get out here.
- Okay.
It was a bad joke,
but I didn't lie about it.
I never said I didn't know
why our phones weren't working.
- You missed a lot.
- You missed a lot.
- [Jess] Mm-hm.
- That big guy is Jag's uncle.
- [unzipping tent]
- Who's Jagger's uncle?
- His name is Ed Rogers.
- Mister Rogers?
Like the sweater dude?
You're kidding.
- [Rae] Nope.
- [Eddie] What were you saying?
- She told me
he att*cked her with a chainsaw.
- [laughs]
I did not say that.
I said I screamed
when I heard the chainsaw.
- And the g*n?
The blood?
- Wait, g*n?
[Rae] Blood?
- You nailed it.
[laughs] Stage blood.
- And the g*n's fake, too?
- Well, it's not fake but...
- What is wrong with you?
- I'm not supposed to
tell you guys.
- Now that is disturbing.
- It's not all me.
Look, Jags planned this
and the big guy's in on it, too.
Anyway, when I saw him
this morning,
he said he was going
hunting for raccoons,
and if I heard a g*nsh*t,
I should make up
something nefarious.
And he gave me his g*n
to hold on to.
- Is it loaded?
- I don't know. Wanna check?
- No, I don't want to check.
- Why would anyone
want to hunt raccoons?
- Wait, why do you have it?
- You guys did all say
you wanted
a weekend to remember.
Ta-da!
- I knew it!
Yes.
- I'm very sorry
about the phone thing.
I didn't know you guys
were gonna get lost.
- We had to stay at
some random cabin last night
until we could get gas.
- And now we have gas
so we should just, uh,
[clicks tongue]
hit the road, you know?
- No, no.
I love that Jagger
thought of this.
I mean, where is he?
- Give me the keys.
I'll go find him.
- No f*cking way.
- We should go with you.
- Look,
I don't know everything,
but I was told to
just keep you guys here
and to say
and do certain things.
- All right, whatever.
Just gonna change
out of these clothes.
[keys jingle]
[Rae] Me too.
- I don't know
when I became the bad guy.
It was all for you.
- I love you, guys.
You, you are good.
You got me.
[shouts] I love you, baby!
[echoes]
[birds chirping]
- [faint breathing]
[distant car engine revving]
[car honking]
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
[Jagger] Hey, where's Mattie?
- She thinks
I'm at my parents'.
- You mean your dead parents?
- I can stay for a night or two.
But then I gotta--
- Eddie, what the f*ck?
- You gave me the GPS
to meet you up here.
- You asked me where
I was going in front of her.
After you lied about
how much you love camping.
[unzipping bag]
I'm getting married.
- It doesn't change
the flavor of the beer.
Where are the bathrooms?
I really gotta tinkle.
[laughs] You're kidding.
I'll wait.
So how was it last night?
- Got up here late,
so I stayed at a cabin.
Set up this morning.
This is a test.
You. Being here.
- You said you loved me.
- Okay, whatever I said,
I said during sex.
Before I met her.
- The best sex you ever had.
- Eddie. Stop.
- I'm just messing with you.
[laughs]
You know, like friends.
Are we really
going to throw away
15 years of friendship?
Where's your tent?
- Up that way.
- I betcha it's nice.
How big is it?
- It's a six.
- Mm...
it's more like an eight.
- Eddie...
- You're right, it's a test.
[laughs]
Are you out here all alone?
- Closest human's
a half-mile that way.
- So, no one can hear me
if I scream?
- Oh, no. No.
- Ah!
- Eddie.
We're not kids anymore!
- [Eddie] Scream!
- [Jagger] You're insane!
- Go on.
Like we used to do.
- Ah!
- Again!
It's gaining on us!
Pretend. Do... do it.
- Pretend.
I don't wanna pretend.
- Then don't. Don't.
[both moaning]
- f*ck you, coming up here.
- f*ck me
for coming up here.
[moans]
[door closes]
What?
The silent treatment?
Really?
- Her father
didn't want anyone else
driving his truck.
- "Her father
didn't want anyone..."
She left the keys for me.
- Bitch, you know I didn't.
Give me the keys.
[keys jingle]
[Eddie] I'm sorry.
I ordered this
as part of the surprise
and I had to pick it up
before they closed.
- [scoffs]
- There was no way
I could get Jess to go with me
without saying anything
in front of you.
Sorry, Jess,
it has dairy in it.
- You're evil.
- I'll take a piece.
- Let's save it for later.
Where are they?
- Uh, they're
somewhere around here.
[Jess] We should just go.
- Come on.
They're here.
Let's just go for a walk.
- Come on, Jess.
For Matts.
[distant screaming]
- [Eddie screaming]
[panting]
[screaming continues]
[Jess] You dead yet?
- [laughs]
- I don't know how
you put up with her.
[Rae] She's such a drama queen.
- She's fun.
- Come on, Mattie.
You have the Kn*fe.
Come and k*ll me.
- Raah.
[Jess and Rae laugh]
[Eddie]
Really? No one?
Someone. Okay, someone else.
- I'm good.
- What do you want me to do?
- Just pretend
whoever has the Kn*fe
is going to k*ll you.
[Mattie] Okay, sure.
Why not?
Who knows, maybe Jagger
will come and save me.
- It starts as soon as you
hand the Kn*fe to someone.
- Which way?
[Jess] Oh, god.
[Mattie] Oh, Jagger.
I'm running.
[Jess] [mocking] Oh, no.
Here I come.
Ah.
- [Mattie] Ah!
- I'm gonna k*ll you, bitch!
[Mattie screaming]
- Oh, my god.
She's really into that.
[Mattie] Oh, my god.
[exhales]
Couldn't catch me.
- Ah!
- [choking]
- [laughs]
- You have the weirdest
sense of humor.
- It's a rush, right?
To face your fears.
- How the hell
is screaming like an idiot
facing your fears?
- Okay, have you ever been
too afraid to get on stage?
Or like, to graduate
or make a career change
or something?
Everyone knows fight or flight.
But really, it's fight,
flight, or freeze.
There's life
in the first two,
but the freeze is stuck
on something or someone.
- Whatever.
- Can I try?
- It's fun, right?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- Ah!
- I'm gonna get you!
[both screaming]
- I'm tired of these games.
They're not here again.
- Jagger will show. Okay?
- Okay.
All I know
is that in an hour,
I will be eating
that damn cake
and then rage-screaming at
the ceiling on a real toilet.
Come on.
Let's just bounce.
- He's just testing me.
He wants to see
what I'm made of.
- Mattie.
- No.
Look, I'm staying.
- She's a psychotic manipulator.
- You just don't know her
as well as I do.
Just... give her a chance.
Please. For me.
[tense music]
[door opens]
[HXB humming]
- It's Ed.
You got a cabin open?
[HXB] Hey, Ed.
When haven't I had
a cabin open?
Give me a sec.
Oh, there were two
attractive young ladies
who were looking for you.
Oh, sh*t.
What happened to you?
- One of them found me.
Don't ask. I have no idea.
- You all right?
You want some ice cream?
- No.
- Oh, okay.
Well, now this is
a story I need to hear.
[soft music playing]
- Hello?
Hello, sir.
I just wanted to
apologize about earlier.
How would you like to
make a couple bucks?
[Mr. Rogers] No.
- Well,
when my friends get back,
if you can just like rustle
around the tent a little
and like make some stick men.
- Go back to your camp.
Enjoy the night.
Go home, get married,
get divorced, live the dream.
- Well, maybe there's something
else I can do for you?
[Mr. Rogers] Go away!
Leave me the f*ck alone!
[Eddie] Seriously?
You won't help me?
- Look, I'm sure your friends
will be plenty scared
with the wind and the owls
and the falling f*cking
pine cones.
- assh*le.
[Mr. Rogers] Just watch out
for the raccoons.
Hope one bites you in the ass.
Just reading my f*cking book,
assh*le.
[chainsaw revs]
What the f*ck?!
- Aah!
Eddie!
- [laughing maniacally]
[Mr. Rogers]
f*ck, turn that off!
Turn it off!
Turn it off!
What is wrong with you?
- [laughs]
- I want you off my land
in the morning.
- [chuckles]
[Mattie] Eddie.
- Shh.
[chuckles]
- Don't touch people's stuff.
[intense music playing]
- [whispers]
I like my mask better.
[suspenseful music]
[objects crashing]
[dramatic music]
[g*n fired]
You move pretty good
for an old fat Sasquatch.
[Mattie] Eddie?
[Mr. Rogers] I got peppered
with snake sh*t.
- Snake sh*t?
[Mr. Rogers] Snake sh*t.
I keep the first two rounds
of my sidearm for snakes.
Rattle--rattlesnakes.
Doesn't look too bad, does it?
- Oh, my goodness.
Uh, you know what?
It's too late for Doc Loc,
but I can call the hospital
and the rangers,
or I can drive you.
- I don't wanna explain myself
to anyone else.
If it bothers me, I'll call
Doc Loc in the morning.
- Okay. Well, um...
here's your box.
Here.
- Thanks, Buns.
[HXB] Mm-hm.
- Thanks.
Hey, uh,
you have anything
that might fit?
- Well... um... oh, here.
Here's the lost and found box.
Whatever's in it that
fits you, you can have.
- This all you got?
- This ain't
no department store, baby.
Sure you don't want
to go to Doc Loc's?
- Nah, I'm good.
Thanks, Buns.
- Is that Mr. Rogers?
[Jess] Do you really think
he k*lled his wife?
- Never assume
a crazy person is harmless.
- Hey! Hey, hey!
[both screaming]
[Mr. Rogers] Hey!
[Jess and Rae screaming]
[HXB] What the f*cking hell
is going on?
- That was them.
[HXB] What?
[Mattie and Eddie chuckling]
[car doors open and close]
- What are you doing back here?
I thought you had to--
[Jess] I sh*t
at the gas station.
[Rae] Mr. Rogers
is at the cabins.
- Something's off.
Something's really wrong.
- We should go there.
- Great.
Just great, Jess.
You ruined the surprise.
[Mattie] What?
She ruined it?
Why did you do that?
- Me? What did I do?
- I was supposed to
keep you all here
until tomorrow morning
and then...
then take you to the cabins.
- How was I
supposed to know that?
- He was carrying a big box.
- See? I knew it.
I have faith
like a mustard seed.
- You know what?
I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
- If they're not seen
by the morning, I'm gone.
Good night.
- Sorry about the surprise.
[Mattie] Maybe you were right.
It should have
just been you and me.
[zipper whirring]
[serene music]
- [Eddie unzipping tent]
Surprised to see you up.
- Great.
- Whatcha doing?
- Couldn't sleep.
- Wanna go for a drive?
- I don't like you.
I don't trust you.
I don't want to
close my eyes around you.
I have a special friend
who's a cop.
I'm gonna have him look
into you when we get back.
Something's not right.
- Knock yourself out.
- Psycho.
[tense, dramatic music playing]
- [muffled groaning]
[Eddie] I know.
You wanted
a good forking this weekend.
- [muffled screams]
[Eddie] We're just gonna see
if your core
is as tight as your butt.
[laughs]
I'm forking nuts.
["My Brand New Car" by
Ofer Koren feat. Ben Sharkey]
Gonna take you for a ride
In my brand new car
- [Jess's faint groaning]
- [Eddie] Stupid.
- [Jess's faint groaning]
- Relax!
- [muffled groaning]
[Eddie] We're just gonna go
check in on Mr. Rogers
and get some of his
whacka-moley.
I don't care
if it's in a cup
or if he humps you
at gunpoint.
But I tell you what, his DNA...
[chuckles]
inside of you,
[chuckles] that'll go
a long, long way.
[laughing]
[camera flashes, photo ejects]
Yes. And may I just say,
you are a really good listener
when you can't talk.
[laughs]
[car door opens, closes]
[knocks on door]
- Hello? Can I help you?
What's with the mask, babe?
[Kn*fe slashes]
[blood splattering]
- [choking]
[groaning]
[gasping for air]
[camera flashes, photo ejects]
- Believe it or not,
Mr. Rogers k*lled you.
[chuckles]
Now where could you be?
I'm just gonna borrow your keys.
Thanks.
- [groaning]
- Wow. Did you win that?
[HXB] [weakly] Yeah.
- Karaoke performer of the year?
Special.
Oh, you--you want this?
- [Eddie grunting]
- [bludgeoning with trophy]
[claps]
What a performance.
[whistling]
[door closes]
["Cheesecake" by Ofer Koren]
I was a fool
To let you down
And now you've run
- [muffled groaning]
- Ahem, room service.
- Yes?
- [wet squelch]
- [Jess muffled screaming]
- Say cheese.
- [camera flashes]
Cupid, Cupid
Tell him he belongs to me
- [muffled screaming]
- Tell him
That I'm
Still deeply in love
Cupid, Cupid
Send his kisses to me
Cupid, Cupid tell him
He belongs to me
Tell him
- [knocks on door]
- Towel service.
[door opens]
- [woman screams]
- And if you see my love
- [gasps, muffled screaming]
- Tell him that I'm sorry
I will do anything
To get him
Back into my arms
I was a fool to let you down
- [knocks on door]
Security.
- And now you run
Now I'm crying
'cause I want you back
- [crying]
[Eddie] Enjoying the show?
[laughs]
I wonder what they'll do...
when they find out
Daddy's a serial k*ller.
Aw. [laughs]
He wasn't there.
Oh!
You do realize this isn't me
doing this, right?
It's all "What would
Mr. Rogers do?"
["The Good, The Bad, The Ugly"
by Tennessee Pistols]
I've been looking
For someone like you
A kind man who's honest
And who's true
- Here you go.
- Nah, I'm good.
- You're sure?
Alcohol would probably
k*ll the pain.
The reason why those
pellet wounds are burning
is because they're infected.
- I was gonna wait till morning
but they kept getting worse.
- You know,
I'm gonna have to report it.
- No, you don't.
I don't want to press charges.
- Well,
I'm not only a physician,
I'm also a reserve ranger.
You know, I have to report
all g*nsh*t wounds.
- And if they lie?
No way I win.
Pretty young thing
against the big grumpy assh*le
in the middle of nowhere.
- [laughs]
Why did you let them
camp there anyway?
- I didn't.
They were there
when I got back.
First thing they did
was take a picture of me
like I was some big freaking
Bigfoot or something.
Making fun of me.
I mean, who're the sheriff
or the public gonna believe?
And if I did tell them
to get off my lawn,
and posted it,
they'd have a hundred
protesters there next week,
callin' me, "Hairy Karen"
or something like that.
- Well, rest up on the couch.
In the morning,
I'll drive you out there,
I'll ask 'em a few questions
and we'll get to the truth.
- I told you the truth.
That's what I'm talking about.
Not even you believe me.
[Eddie] Poor guy.
I wonder why he became
a serial k*ller.
- [muffled sobs]
[Eddie] Was it because
he was born dirt poor?
Or was it because he was told
his bipolar mother
d*ed during childbirth
and he cried into
his pillow every night
his alcoholic,
abusive father r*ped him?
- [muffled groans]
- Rah.
To feel so undervalued,
so disposable.
You know, lucky,
blessed, pretty people...
like you...
should have more compassion
for people like him.
[suspenseful music]
[zipper whirring]
[flashlight clicks]
- Jess?
Eddie?
You guys better not
be f*cking with me.
[Eddie] [whispered] Rae...
[Rae] Jess?
Eddie?
f*ck.
Ergh!
Jess!
Hey.
Jess.
J... no.
No, no.
No!
f*ck!
- Mm.
[louder groaning]
- [chuckles] Oh, you slut.
If there are two of you
in there, you better cover up
because no one wants to
see your scrawny ass.
- [Jess's faint screams]
[faint screams]
[muffled screaming]
[suspenseful music]
[Eddie] [whispers] Rae!
- [screaming]
- [Eddie] School's out, bitch.
[thud]
[suspenseful music]
[owl hooting]
[Eddie] Oh, you're awake.
- [muffled grunts]
- Oh, no, no,
don't worry about Jess.
She's snug as a f*ck in a truck.
Just waiting for Mr. Rogers.
But enough about her,
let's talk about you.
I know. I know.
You need to be studying.
- [muffled screaming]
- [Eddie] Let's see.
Mm. "Inter-temporal
decision-making."
Urgh!
That would bore me to death.
- [muffled screaming]
[muffled sobs]
- Oh!
I wonder, do you just
keep taking classes
because you're afraid
to stand on your own?
- [screams in agony]
- I guess technically,
it's "afraid to stand
on your own two feet."
- [Eddie stabs Rae]
- [screams in agony]
[Eddie] Screw it.
Sue me.
You know what?
I honestly don't even know
why I'm still bothering
with the mask at this point.
I think I've grown past it.
- [sobbing]
[camera flashes, photo ejects]
- Aw.
- [sobbing]
- I found this inside of
Mr. Rogers' bear box.
I always wondered
if these things were real.
I assume the bears
will just probably
eat around the fake stuff.
Did you know that bears
can smell a drop of honey
from a mile away?
Or actually, is that
sharks and blood, huh?
Well, doesn't matter.
[Rae screaming, crying]
- Ciao. [laughs]
That has an entirely new
meaning now, doesn't it?
- [crying]
[raccoon chittering]
- [groaning]
[raccoon chittering]
[chittering gets louder]
[phone unlocks]
[camera clicks]
[birds chirping]
- Where are Jess and Rae?
- They went to the cabins
to use the bathrooms.
- Hmft. I wish
they would have waited for me.
I hate using that bucket.
- I guarantee you Jagger uses
a bucket just like that one.
- What's that?
"Matts and Jags forever."
[Jagger] [VO] I got it
for Mattie and me.
Something we can grow into.
'Course after one excursion,
she'll probably run
for the hills.
- You and I should go camping.
By ourselves. Screw Jagger.
I should take her camping.
[laughs]
You're going to tell her.
- What?
Absolutely not.
That might end it.
I might never forgive myself,
but no one's ever
going to know about us.
- Surprise.
I got this for you guys
as a gift.
- Oh.
[both chuckle]
- Thank you, Eddie.
Aw. It means a lot to me
that you support us.
So, thank you.
[Jagger] [VO] Eddie. Eddie.
Hey, what are you doing?
Eddie.
- You close your eyes
when we have sex.
Is that because
you're a narcissist
or because you despise me?
- What are you doing
with my phone?
- And... send.
What? I told you,
you were going to tell her.
Pictures and audio of us,
together.
The truth will set us free.
- There's no reception
up here for miles.
Give it to me. Now!
- Not until it sends.
[intense music playing]
- [Eddie groans]
- I'm not going to
let you ruin my life!
- [sobbing]
You love me.
You always have.
- I should just--
- k*ll me?!
- What?!
- I'm trying to help you.
- I love her, Eddie.
She gets me.
- I'm trying to save us
from making a huge mistake!
I've stood by you
through every tragedy.
When people...
thought you could
have been a m*rder*r,
I defended you!
- Yes, we're friends, Eddie.
But that's all
we're ever gonna be.
- Mattie will never,
never love you like I do.
- You're right.
I have to tell her.
- [Eddie] No.
- Knowing her,
she'll probably forgive me.
- No, baby.
Jagger, we don't
have to say anything.
- If she leaves me,
so be it.
I want you out of my life.
Forever.
You're a cancer.
- [sobbing]
- Forgive me
for what I've done.
- Aah!
- [Kn*fe slashes]
- [gasps in disbelief]
- f*ck.
[body thuds]
[choking on blood]
- [gasps]
- Aah!
- [rapid stabbing]
- I just wanted you
to finally pick me.
[screaming]
I k*lled them all! For you!
Oh, I'm so sorry, baby.
Ah!
I didn't mean to.
[sobbing]
[echoes] Aah!
["We Won't Survive"
by Assaf Ayalon]
What have we done to us
What made the curtains fall
Now I can only say,
The show must go on
[axe thuds]
- [sobbing]
["Our Love Was Beautiful" by
Straight White Teeth on radio]
Gives way to the dawn
We were the dew
On the morning lawn
Our love was beautiful
But now it's gone
[car engine starts]
Our love was beautiful
But now it's gone
- Now you...
look like a k*ller.
- I'm sure everything's
gonna be okay.
I'm just gonna get their side.
- Doc, that's their truck
over there.
[Doc Loc] Yeah.
You just stay right here.
I got this.
- Doc, call it in.
Get some professionals.
- [laughs]
Because of four girls?
I'll never live that down.
- Doc, they're not just girls.
- Yeah, whatever.
[car door closes]
- Doc, do you think
I sh*t myself in the back?
[Doc Loc] I got it.
- I heard a car.
It's Jagger.
- That'd be f*cking creepy.
- Oh, darn. I thought
you were someone else.
- Is everything okay?
- We're fine. Thank you.
- There's four of you
up here, right?
- Is something wrong, officer?
- Uh, reserve ranger, ma'am.
Where are the other two?
- They went to town.
- There was an incident
up here yesterday
involving Ed Rogers.
- Oh, did you find him?
We have been
so worried about him.
He stumbled and hit his head.
- Well, he said somebody
sh*t him in the back.
Yeah, he's in my vehicle,
safe and sound.
- [g*n clicks]
- Which one of you is Eddie?
[g*n fired]
- I am.
- [screams]
- [blood splattering]
- [Mr. Rogers] Geez!
- [screaming in pain]
- Surprise! [laughs]
- [screaming in pain]
- [g*n fired]
- [Mattie cries]
- [laughs]
- Why? Why did--
- Shut up!
I'm so tired of you
and your stupid face
and your prissy princess ways.
Don't move.
[suspenseful music playing]
- [panting]
- Feels different
when it's real, doesn't it?
- [sobbing]
- [panting]
What the hell?
- [Jess's muffled groaning]
- Huh? What?
[Jess's muffled groaning,
crying]
- Oh.
- [Jess crying]
[coughs]
- [Mr. Rogers] Ah!
- [coughs]
- [panting]
[screams]
- [sing-song voice]
I still know where Jagger is.
I still know where Jagger is.
You are so ungrateful!
Why won't you
come back here to me?
- Ah!
- Woo-hoo!
I'm gonna get ya.
- [Jess] Rae!
- [Mr. Rogers] Rae!
- [Jess] Rae!
- [Mr. Rogers] Rae!
- [Jess] Rae!
- [Mr. Rogers] Rae!
- Rae!
- Rae!
- Rae!
- Rae!
- [muffled groans]
- Rae!
- I hear her. I hear her.
Look!
- [muffled sobs]
- [shushes]
Okay, Rae, Rae, Rae.
- [muffled sobs]
[Jess] Okay, okay. [shushes]
- [muffled sobs]
[Jess] I know. I know.
- [crying]
- [shushes]
He's helping us, okay.
You're helping us, right?
- Yeah.
- [sobbing] Raccoons.
Raccoons.
[Jess] Oh, my god.
What's on her?
[Rae] [sobbing] Raccoons.
- Oh, man.
That's my honey.
- Raccoons.
- I know. I know. I know.
- This-- this honey
might have saved your life.
Kept these
from getting infected
and may have
slowed the bleeding.
[Jess] What are we gonna do?
- I gotta get to my tent.
I got a first aid kit
and a satellite phone.
She didn't find
my satellite phone
and my other g*n, did she?
- I... I don't know.
- [crying]
- Can you walk?
- Raccoons.
- I can get her to the car,
there's a spare key.
- Let's get up.
Come on. Come on.
- [Rae] No, no, no.
- [Jess] Come on, come on.
- [grunts, strains]
- Do you have any idea
where she is?
- [crying]
- I don't.
Wait. She said
she was gonna watch
Mattie k*ll herself
where she k*lled Jagger.
- Jagger?
- Yeah. Okay, come on.
Come on, let's go.
- You two make yourselves safe.
I got this.
[exciting music plays]
- [panting and crying]
[Eddie] Mattie, get back here.
Come on. It's fun.
[Mattie] No!
- [Eddie laughs]
This was
Jagger's favorite game.
That's weird he never
played it with you.
I guess he only played it
with people he was close to.
Isn't camping fun?
[laughs maniacally]
Mattie, get back here.
- [screams]
- I thought
we were best friends.
Why are you running
away from me?
[laughs]
What a day!
Mattie.
Mattie.
[suspenseful music]
I know you're out there.
Mattie?
[gasps]
Mattie!
[dramatic music]
[emotional music playing]
- I'll get her.
Oh. f*ck you.
What the...?
She set me up.
Nah. Not today, bitch.
["Ditty b*mb" by Dani Jalali]
[zipper buzzes]
- [g*n cocks]
- [car engine revs]
- f*ck yeah, boomer.
[Mr. Rogers] I thought
I said I got this.
- I'm not leaving Mattie.
[Mr. Rogers] Here. Fix her up.
Get in the back.
I'll drive.
- No. Wait.
- Where are you going?
- [Jess] Just wait.
Keys are in the car.
- How you doing?
- Raccoons.
- [crying]
Please. Please.
[Eddie] I'll give you credit.
I had you pegged
as a freezer.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
- [sobbing]
- There's probably
gonna be blood and pus.
- I don't do well
with blood and pus.
- Who does well
with blood and pus?
- Oh, my god.
I think I'm gonna faint.
What would my therapist say?
One-two-three. [exhales]
One-two-three.
[exhales]
- [Rae crying]
- Jesus.
- [Jess] Oh, my god.
[Eddie] I hope you've loved
all the surprises.
[giggles]
But this one,
this one's the best.
You're gonna love it.
Come on.
You're so f*cking slow.
[flies buzzing]
Oh, geez.
That didn't take long.
[camera flashes]
You ever heard the expression
"love stinks"?
- No!
- Here he is.
Aren't reunions special?
- [cries]
[flies buzzing]
- Don't blame me.
The animals did all this.
I just k*lled him.
Bye, baby.
- [gags, breathing heavily]
Why?
- [with horror] Argh.
Where are we?
Hey, why am I holding a g*n?
Oh, no.
Did I blackout again?
- Eddie?
Eddie, it's me, Mattie.
Come back, please.
- Argh.
[laughs]
You really are the sunshine
from an angel's ass.
[laughs]
We were childhood sweethearts.
And you, you just
had to waltz right in
and steal that away from me.
You could have never made
the sacrifices that I made.
- If you loved him,
why did you do this to him?
- We made love last weekend.
Right here, actually.
And right after, he...
still picked you.
I couldn't live with that.
And neither could he.
And neither can you.
Oh, I know.
You must be so distraught.
[sniffles]
This is Jagger's.
I thought you'd want it
to be his Kn*fe
that brings you back together.
Go ahead and make it quick!
I still have to go and
find and k*ll Mr. Rogers.
What?
Isn't this what you wanted?
I'm giving you the chance
to join him for eternity.
- Rot in hell.
- That's not very nice.
[laughs]
- Eddie, you were my roommate,
you were my best friend.
- We have never been friends.
- How can you say that?
I treated you like a sister.
- You treated me no different
than any of them.
Now do it. Now!
Now!
- [sobbing]
[Eddie] Three...
two...
one.
- I'm pregnant!
- What?
- I'm pregnant.
I am, please.
Please.
[g*n fired]
- Ah! f*ck!
- Sheriff and rangers
are on their way!
If you don't
drop that g*n,
the next round's
gonna hit you center mass!
- [breathing heavily]
Is that you, Mr. Rogers?
[Mr. Rogers] Hell yeah, it is.
All I gotta do is keep eyes
on you till they get here.
Help me, Jagger. Help me.
- It's just you against me.
- Hah!
- [stabs Kn*fe]
- You... back stabber!
- sh*t.
- Don't.
You don't want her dead,
then it'd just be
your word against mine!!
Do you have any idea
how many people you've k*lled?
- Probably less than you think!
- Hey, bitch!
[dramatic music]
[chainsaw revving]
- Chainsaw.
- What the f*ck?
[g*n fired]
- I lied.
I'm not pregnant.
- Ah!
[screaming]
- How'd you like this...?
[chainsaw revving]
- [laughs]
[chainsaw revving,
blood splattering]
- f*ck!
f*ck. What the f*ck!
- [rapid breathing]
Get the f*ck over there.
- I'm not gonna miss
from this distance.
[sh*t fired]
- Neither will I!
- [growling]
You can't die!
Argh! You're going to die!
I hate you!
[punches thrown]
- [laughs]
- [hysterical shouting]
[punches thrown]
- Raccoons.
Raccoons.
Raccoons.
- [groaning]
Bye, bitch.
f*ck.
Oh.
[breathing heavily]
I still got knives.
I still got knives.
[groaning]
- Raccoons.
Raccoons!
- [breathing with difficulty]
- Raccoons!
- Truce?
- [shrieks] Raccoons!!!
[blood splatters]
[growling]
[blood squelches]
Oh, my god.
[crying]
- You did a good job.
- f*ck her.
- Don't worry about me.
[helicopter whirring]
[groans]
- I hate camping.
[all laughing]
- [Mattie] Ah!
- [chainsaw revs]
["Coming for Ya" by Ofrin]
You know
We're coming for ya
You know
We're coming for ya
You know
We're coming for ya
For ya for ya
You know
We're coming for ya
You know
We're coming for ya
You know
We're coming for ya
To light it up
In fire... fire...
For ya... for ya...
For ya... for ya...
For ya... for ya...
For ya... for ya...
You know
We're coming for ya
For ya... for ya...
For ya... for ya...
For ya... for ya...
for ya... for ya...
You know we're
Coming for ya
[Mr. Rogers] [VO]
Borrow my b*llet.
[g*n fired]
- Take your time
While I
I'm having a rest
You know I'm coming
For ya, ah
'Cause I like the chase
Sucking all air of lungs
While I'm
Catching my breath
You know
We're coming for ya
You know I'm coming
[camera flashes]
You know
We're coming for ya
You know
We're coming for ya
You know
We're coming for ya
For ya... for ya...
You know
We're coming for ya
You know
We're coming for ya
You know
We're coming for ya
To light it up in fire...
Fire...
You know
We're coming for ya
[Mr. Rogers] [into phone]
Guess she'd never thought
I'd fight for it.
- [Lawyer] Told you.
- Yeah.
You'd think I'd learn.
Listen to my lawyers.
- Extinction
is too good for you.
- Hey, look, I gotta go.
My daughters are coming over.
- Is your first wife
driving them?
- I'm gonna burn
that dinosaur down.
- What's up, Diny?
[laughs]
- [Gabby] You'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
- They both drive now.
They're in their 20s.
Anyway, um, I got a business
idea I'm mulling over.
- Yeah? I'm all ears.
- No, I'll tell you tomorrow.
- Theme park?
- Maybe.
I'll give you a teaser.
People love being scared.
[laughs]
Oh. Life is good.
[end music theme]
KillHer (2022)
Moderator: Maskath3