02x07 - The Longest Yard

[bunniefuu]

Okay, I'll see you guys soon.

Yeah.

Nice of you to join us.

Sorry.

It's not that nice.

Sam, come on, your lunch is getting cold.

We don't have time.

We can grab lunch on the way.

On the way to what? To the Super Sports Expo! Come on, you promised you'd go.

Are you sure? 'Cause that doesn't sound like something I would do.

Ha, ha.

It's going to be great.

They got football jerseys, they got baseball cards and last year they even had a pair of Shaq's old shoes.

Sounds fun.

Lizzie Run! What? I need you to watch Matt this afternoon.

Lanny's coming over.

I need you to watch Matt and Lanny this afternoon.

Mom, Mom, don't you think that Matt and Lanny are incredibly mature for their age? I mean, they can stay home alone.

No.

You knew that wasn't going to work.

But I have plans.

That is so unfair.

Well, your plans have changed.

Why even bother making plans? I obviously exist just to watch Matt.

Jo McGuire, let's go! If you believe We've got a picture-perfect plan We've got you fooled 'Cause we only do the best we can And sometimes we make it And sometimes we fake it But we get one step closer each and every day We'll figure it out on the way.

Lizzie McGuire S02E07 The Longest Yard I almost forgot.

We're going to the Super Sports Expo today.

You remember the Super Sports Expo, right? That's where I found you.

Um, Mom, Dad is talking to the football again.

Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie.

That isn't just a football.

That's an authentic It's my favorite thing in the whole world.

Except for you guys, of course.

Honey, the car's idling.

Okay, Lizzie's in charge.

Stay in the house.

And we'll be back in a couple of hours.

There's money in the kitchen for pizza.

Blah, blah, blah watch Matt for the rest of my life.

Be miserable blah, blah, blah.

Got it.

Lizzie.

This is so unfair.

Sometimes life isn't fair.

Super Sports Expo! Like, right now.

Come on.

Okay, here are the real ground rules.

Don't bug me.

And when my friends come over, don't bug me.

And if you get your little head stuck in the toilet, don't bug me.

Got it? Don't worry, Lanny.

I mean, what are the odds of you getting your head stuck in the toilet? Again? Worm! We got her good that time.

Seven 42 H-H-Hike! McGuire drops back.

He starts to scramble.

He sees Lanny breaking for the end zone.

He throws while he's going down! Lanny, you were covered.

I had to throw the ball away or else it would have been intercepted.

Oops What are you guys doing? Uh not bugging you.

Listen, Tweedledum and Tweedledumber this, right here, it's not a toy.

This is one of Dad's most prized possessions, okay? And if something happens to it that would bug me.

Got it? My parents aren't paid enough to do this job.

I'm going to go put this in a safe place.

Hmm.

You're right, Lanny.

She does take after my mom.

Matt and Lanny were messing around with my dad's autographed football so I had to put it in the hall closet for safekeeping.

You mean the authentic 1986 Super Bowl football signed by Walter Payton? No, Gordo, the other one.

You have two? Uh, just put Miranda back on the phone.

Lizzie wants to talk to you.

Here, hold this.

Hey, we're just going to grab a couple books and we'll be over soon, okay? Sounds good.

All right.

We were getting a board game off the top shelf of the closet and all this stuff came down.

Well at least the football's okay.

Whoa No, no, no, no, no! Go back! Do over! Rewind! This is not happening! Matt Matt, you k*lled the football.

I didn't k*ll the football.

It was an accident.

We didn't mean to.

Matt, if you needed to get the game and you couldn't reach it why didn't you just call for me to help you? Because you told us not to bug you.

Great! Now he remembers.

We are so busted.

We're going to be grounded forever and it's your fault.

Once again, Matt you found a way to ruin my life.

Thanks a lot.

You two just go upstairs, okay? And stay there.

The bowling ball fell, the football exploded and my life is officially over.

Where's a time machine when you need one? Look on the bright side.

At least your parents will never force you to watch Matt again.

Uh, not helping, Gordo.

Well, maybe it's not as bad as you think.

Can you fix the ball? I don't know? Can I do that? Can you fix a football? I don't know, but I'm sure it can't get any worse.

Hmm Where's the football? Follow me.

Okay, it has to be in here.

Footballs don't just get up and walk away.

Not crushed ones anyway.

Not helping, Gordo.

Matt.

Matt, you give me that football right now, or else you're! Gone? "We went to fix the football.

We're really sorry.

" It's signed Matt and Lanny.

Great.

Like I'm not in enough trouble as it is.

My little brother and his friend are missing we k*lled my dad's prized possession and I have an English test tomorrow.

Things couldn't be better.

Whoa! Remember how I said things couldn't get any worse? I was wrong.

Not helping, Gordo.

Come on.

That's it.

I've called all of their friends.

Nobody has seen or heard from Matt and Lanny.

The only thing that's worse than having Matt and Lanny around is not having Matt or Lanny around.

I'm going to be in so much trouble.

Why don't we just go out and look for them? Yeah.

I mean, how far can two 11-year-olds with a broken football go? Hello.

My parents are going to be home soon, you guys.

We don't have time to find them and then get back.

Oh! Matt? Lizzie? Mom? Is everything okay? Um It really depends on your definition of "okay.

" Yeah, everything is, um, everything's fine.

Is Matt behaving? Yeah.

Matt and Lanny are great.

Th-They're playing quietly upstairs.

Come here.

What? She said Matt's behaving.

I think something's wrong.

Well, here's the deal.

Your dad and I are going to be a little late 'cause we got a flat.

Oh, that's great.

I-I mean, um, that's greatly bad.

So, we'll be home in a couple of hours.

Oh, okay, well, um, you guys just take your time.

You don't get out enough as it is.

I've got everything totally under control.

We'll see you guys soon.

Okay.

Yes! Okay, we just bought some time.

I know I would feel better if we had somebody check in on those kids.

Hey, I could have my softball buddies swing by on their way home from practice.

Well, it's better than nothing.

Here's the plan, guys.

Okay, you're going to stay home and man the phone.

Oh, come on.

I-I never get to do any of the cool stuff.

I want to go with you guys.

Gordo, Matt and Lanny like you.

If they call, you can convince them to come back home.

Fine, but can I order a pizza? Gordo, Matt and Lanny are missing.

Lizzie's about to be grounded for life and all you can think about is food.

I'm hungry.

Fine, Gordo, order a pizza for yourself, okay.

Miranda, you're coming with me.

Cool.

Everybody clear on the plan? Yeah.

This plan better work.

I think my parents might notice that Matt's missing after a couple of days.

Well, Mom will notice.

Go, go! This is a Walter Payton autographed football.

You boys are in a lot of trouble.

Sorry, son.

I think he's passed.

You mean, there's nothing we can do? Only a miracle can help you now.

Of course, um you could just replace it.

That's brilliant! You read my mind, Lanny.

We're off to the Collector's Corner.

Shalom.

Once again, Gordo-- the responsible one-- gets left behind.

Lizzie and Miranda get to go out and track down Matt and Lanny while I'm here by myself.

All alone.

With cable.

And video games.

And a refrigerator full of food.

For a smart guy, I can be kind of dumb sometimes.

I think I will order a pizza.

This is so typical of Matt.

I mean, I set rules and he breaks them.

He doesn't think of the consequences of his actions.

Ruined Dad's football, ruined our lives.

Not exactly hard to remember.

Sounding a little parental, aren't we? Miranda, you didn't lose your little brother.

What is this weird feeling I'm having? I'm worried? Lanny and Matt are out there all alone and it's my fault.

It's not all your fault.

I don't know what I'm going to do if we can't find them.

We'll find them.

Well, where do you think they'd go? Okay, I'm an 11-year-old geek with a popped football signed by some famous guy.

Oh, oh! Collector's Corner, the comic book store.

They sell footballs there? They sell everything there.

It's like the geek version of the mall.

Come on.

Mmm, pizza.

Hey, so you guys deliver pizza, too, huh? Mmm, pizza.

Nah.

Sam called us.

We're just here to check up on you guys.

Oh, well, uh, we're all doing great.

Everything's A-Okay.

So, see you later.

How dumb do you think we are? Do you really want me to answer that? We need visual confirmation that everyone's A-Okay.

Everyone's upstairs.

They'll be down in a second.

Yeah, yeah.

Go on.

Make yourselves at home.

Come on.

Walter Payton, Walter Payton Walter Payton! Can I help you? What is this? It's an autographed Walter Payton football.

Oh, yeah, yeah, perhaps in a former life.

Now it's more like an autographed Walter Payton pancake.

Me and Lanny-- this is Lanny-- you see it's kind of our fault that this football is ruined.

It's my dad's and it's really, really important to him.

If I don't get him a new ball then I'm in big trouble, and Lanny's in big trouble and my sister-- who really didn't do anything -- is going to be in big trouble.

It sounds like a really touching story here.

So, we were hoping maybe that you would exchange this ball for that nice new one.

Hmm.

Let me think about that.

No! Matt! Matt.

I thought you said they'd be right down.

Yeah, um hey! Say, you guys like jokes? I got a great one.

Okay, so, King of Norway, he he goes out into the woods with his, uh, his, uh, number one hunter, right? How'd you guys find us? Well, we just pretended we were a couple of geeks and where would we be? Sorry.

Matt, what were you thinking taking off like that? And you better have a good answer.

Well, we just thought: What would you do in this situation? Well, you wouldn't get into trouble in the first place, but you'd try to fix it.

Oh, that's a pretty good answer.

And that's what we tried to do.

But you really scared me.

I did? Yeah, you did, and right now the football doesn't even matter.

All that matters is that you two are okay, and we get you guys home safe.

You know, I really hate to interrupt this little Hallmark moment but we do have some parents to b*at home.

That's it.

We're done for.

It's not over! Nothing is over until I decide it is.

Uh, no.

Give me the football.

What are you doing? I'm saving the day.

Excuse me.

Uh, Mr.

Comic Book Guy? You're wasting your time.

I already told the little hobbit no.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

I have here an autographed Walter Payton football.

Yeah, yeah, in less-than-mint condition.

I realize that, but I was just wondering if maybe you would do a trade-- you know, give me another football.

Interesting.

Tell you what-- I'll give you a d*ck Butkus for a deflated Walter Payton.

Deal.

What's a d*ck Butkus? I don't know, but he's all we got right now.

Come on.

It's mine.

The King of Norway says "I thought he said he, uh "I thought he said he was a moose.

" That was terrible.

Um Yeah, um, I guess it was.

Uh, maybe that's 'cause I told it wrong.

Uh, let me start again.

H-How does it go? Uh all right.

Okay.

So, uh, so the King of Norway he goes out into the woods with his number one hunter and What's going on up there? Nothing.

Let's go check it out.

What's going on up here? Oh, uh, um N-N-Nothing.

Somebody's missing.

Where's Lizzie? Hmm Mom and Dad! Hello, anyone home? Ah Come on, let's go! They're over-- they're over there.

Help me.

Help me.

Okay? Hey, guys.

Everything okay? Fine.

Great.

Where's Lizzie? We can't find her.

What do you mean, you can't find her? Yeah.

I'm sure you had something to do with this.

You're coming with me.

Uh, uh Lanny! Hey, guys.

Um how was the sports thingie? And the high point of the day was when I got my picture taken with last year's Superbowl mascot.

Sam! Sam! Sam! So, did you kids do anything fun today? Um Let's see: destroying a football chasing Matt and Lanny across town and sneaking back into the house without getting caught.

Yeah.

It was fun.

No, we didn't have any fun.

Yeah, just another boring day.

Who would care to explain this to me? So close, yet still so busted.

Explain what? How my Walter Payton signed football has magically become a d*ck Butkus signed football! It's all my fault.

No, it's all my fault.

It's our fault.

We ruined your football, Dad.

Is this authentic? Well, the guy at the store said it was.

And you traded in Dad's ruined football for this? We're really sorry.

You guys are really good.

Mom's taking this really well.

What are you talking about? They ruined my beloved Payton and brought back a Butkus! If I were you guys, I would have just bought another football and signed it-- that's what I did.

You did what? Uh, well, the-the football that Lizzie and Matt ruined was actually a Walter Payton football autographed by Jo McGuire.

The real one fell into the fireplace a couple of months ago accidentally.

It did? Yeah.

So technically, we didn't ruin Dad's football.

And we got him a football signed by someone more famous than Mom.

So, technically, we can't be grounded, right? Wrong.

Not fair.

That should be a penalty on Mom: Unnecessary grounding.

Okay, from now on, this football is off-limits to everyone in this house except me.

You know, I really am sorry for messing up your day.

I didn't mean to.

Well, yes, I did, but just not that much.

I know.

And I'm sorry for coming down on you so hard.

I didn't mean to.

Yeah, you did, but, uh, you're my sister and that's your job.

I know.

And I take my job very seriously.

So, um, you do know that if you ever need something I'm here for you, right? Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, but if you ever run away like that again I'm going to totally crush you.

I know.

Whoa, what you gonna do? Come and get it! What's my motivation? Or I'll b*at you up.

Set, hike! Set, 42! Lanny, I knew you shouldn't have had those beans.

Matt, you give me that football right now or else you're Taboo.

Let's see destroying a football.

d*ck Butkus for a deflated Walter Hill.

Uh, Walter Payton.

Walter Hill's an interesting director, though.

That's a cut.

Is that good enough, Steve? That's good!