02x22 - Dear Lizzie

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So, Jose will handle the story on the cafeteria food.

Amanda, I need you to cover the interview with Principal Tweedy.

And I would like to thank Miss Dew our returning faculty advisor.

It's great to see you back from sabbatical.

Everyone, a big hand for Miss Dew.

Okay, everyone, I'm going to need you to e-mail me your stories tomorrow by 9:00 a.

m.

Thank you.

Sorry I'm late, Gordo.

So, what's my story? Foreign intrigue? Internal affairs? Gonzo journalism? Oh, um I guess I forgot to assign you one.

A big fat nada? Sorry, Lizzie, but your name wasn't on the sign-up sheet.

It must have slipped my mind.

Miranda was supposed to sign me up, but she's sick.

So, you can't think of any ideas for me? I'm fresh out of ideas.

Great, now he decides to stop being brilliant.

You might want to try Miss Dew.

Good luck.

Miss Dew? Um, I didn't get an assignment so I was wondering if you had any ideas for me.

Well, no one's asked me for advice in years.

You know, I used to be the advice columnist for my school newspaper.

You used to give people advice? I did.

You know, I bet I could be the advice columnist for the E-Zine.

Or I could be the advice columnist for the E-Zine.

Well, that's an excellent idea.

That was actually helpful.

Maybe I don't give Miss Dew enough credit.

Lizzie? Do you smell mothballs? Or maybe not.

So, you're looking at the school's new advice columnist, Gordo.

You? You don't give advice you take it.

Oh, I've got plenty of advice.

Just nothing I can say out loud.

Oh, but that's where you're wrong.

And my first piece of advice is for you to let me have the job because if I don't take it Miss Dew will.

You're hired.

If you believe We've got a picture-perfect plan We've got you fooled 'Cause we only do the best we can And sometimes we make it And sometimes we fake it But we get one step closer each and every day We'll figure it out on the way.

Lizzie McGuire S02E22 Dear Lizzie UPLOADED BY: HEYMILEY Um, you're late.

I know.

I was busy copying these.

What is all this? People who were asking for advice.

I put a small ad up on a Web page and we were flooded with e-mail.

Either these kids have me confused with Santa or a lot of people need help with school.

This is so cool.

I can totally do this.

"Dear Lizzie" My little sister is incredibly annoying.

She goes through all my stuff.

Oh, who's Gordo? Give me that! She listens in on my phone calls and is a total pain.

Cut it out! But my parents think she's totally adorable.

What do I do? Signed, I want to be an only child.

So? Dear Only Child Hey, let me in! Come on.

Little sisters are always annoying and you'll never get your parents to believe you.

Let me in! Get a lock for your room and look for an out-of-state college.

Let me in! Good luck.

Lizzie.

Not bad.

Not bad? Gordo, that was totally good.

I think I found my thing.

It's really more of a calling.

I think I can make a difference.

Just save all the touchy-feely stuff for your column which, by the way, is due tomorrow, 9:00 a.

m.

, no excuses.

Yes, sir, Mr.

Editor.

One nation Sorry, I'm late, but my indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Mr.

Burton, your antics have just earned you a trip to the principal's office.

Off you go.

I don't want to hear it this morning, Mr.

McGuire.

Just take your seat.

Who does Adam Burton think he is? I mean, everyone knows that burping the pledge is my trademark move.

Relax.

The guy may do good work, but you're the king.

Thank you.

For now anyway.

What took you so long? Well, everybody kept coming up to me, asking me for advice.

I think I'm a hit.

Ah, oh, oh, not just a hit.

Try 500 hits to the Web page since this morning.

I had to admit that your advice column was a stroke of brilliance.

Memorize everything about this moment.

Gordo just called me brilliant.

Oh, that letter by Clean Tween this morning Dear Lizzie, my best friend needs a stronger deodorant and she isn't exactly springtime fresh after practice.

Should I tell her? Signed, Clean Tween.

Dear Clean, get your friend some new cool perfume.

That way, you get sidestep a potentially stinky situation.

Uh, Kate, have you tried this new peppermint perfume? I got it at the mall.

Mmm, pretty.

Here, I bought two.

You know, I haven't been to recess in, like, three weeks.

I'm usually in detention.

See, there is some benefits to sharing the blame with Adam.

Yeah, but I hate sharing the glory.

Maybe there's enough gags to go around.

Forget it.

I mean, I'm different.

I'm better.

I am the king.

Just as long as you know when to let go.

Adam Burton.

Matt McGuire, you finally noticed me.

How can I not? Okay, fess up, Burton.

You totally stole my burping gag this morning.

I'm sorry.

You were late.

Well, I'm just a huge fan of your work.

You're a comic genius.

Well, I, uh I do try.

I can only hope that one day I'll be as good as you.

Maybe someday I'll share some of my secrets with you.

Okay, class, settle down and turn your history books to chapter 12.

Mr.

McGuire I'm sure you had something to do with this.

I I didn't.

I did it.

Twice in one day, Mr.

Burton.

Are you trying to surpass our Mr.

McGuire here? I thought you looked up to me.

So young, so gullible.

How did you manage to stay on top for so long? I guess I'll be headed to the principal's office.

I'm stuck! Retire, while you still have your dignity.

Hey, Lizzie, can I get a second with you? Yeah sure.

Are you okay? Pretty good.

If "pretty good" and "covered in leftovers" are the same thing, I'd hate to see what "not so good" looks like.

Well what happened? Dear Lizzie, I've got a big problem.

Her name is Sheryl.

Sheryl is always picking on me.

Now, normally, I'm a girl that can take care of herself but Sheryl just can't leave me alone.

I tried ignoring her, but nothing seemed to work.

Signed, Fed Up.

-Any of that ring a bell? -Yeah.

Dear Fed Up, all bullies are cowards.

Stand up to her once and she'll leave you alone.

So I took your advice and you know what? Bullies have friends.

When you're outnumbered three to one it's kind of hard to stand up for yourself.

So they b*at you up? No.

I just spent the last hour hiding in the cafeteria garbage.

Veruca, I'm so sorry.

You know what? You really should be.

I just thought you might want to know that your advice has consequences.

-Veruca, I didn't think -Yeah, you didn't think.

And nothing gets out goulash! Dear Lizzie, what do you do when the advice columnist runs out of advice? Hey, Gordo.

Hey, Lizzie.

I got Principal Tweedy to give us some more space on the school server so this week you can make your column even longer.

That's great, but, um I quit.

B you-you can't quit.

I think I just did.

Gordo, I just don't think I'm cut out for this job.

I mean, Veruca followed my advice and it got her hiding in a trash can for, like, an hour.

So? You win some, and you lose some.

The trash can in the school cafeteria.

Ooh.

I can see your point but that still doesn't change the fact that I need to get a new edition of the E-Zine out tomorrow, so what are you going to do? I want to run home and hide in my bedroom under the covers with hot cocoa and Mr.

Snuggles.

I don't know.

I just I can't think.

There's so much pressure.

Snapping under pressure is absolutely and totally understandable, Lizzie.

Oh, my gosh.

Do you think that's what happened to Miss Dew? I don't want to go on sabbatical! I'm so sorry, Gordo.

Can't you find someone else? Not this late in the game.

Look, I'll make you a deal.

Now, I have to upload the new edition of the E-Zine tomorrow morning.

If you answer just one more letter then you then you can hang up your pen.

Um, I don't use a pen.

You know, I could write an advice column.

Oh, my first article could be the benefits of wearing tin foil hats.

Let me know.

If Miss Dew writes our advice column I'm going to have to take a sabbatical.

Today I take back my crown.

You're washed up, champ.

Forget it.

Uh, you know, you could be a little more supportive.

Soyou think you can steal my material and get away with it? I take your old, tired gags and make them funny again.

Oh, yeah? Well, I got a couple new pranks up my sleeve.

By the way have you checked your desk? Wait a minute--this isn't my desk.

Somebody switched them.

Oh, yeah that was me.

I'll get you back if it's the last thing I do.

Today we'll be learning about Newton's laws of motion.

I believe you know your way to the office, Mr.

Burton.

Wait It's my prank.

It's my fault.

I'm the funny one! Stick a fork in you.

You're done.

One more letter; I can do this.

No one will end up hiding in the garbage.

-"Dear Lizzie" -Dear Lizzie people think that I'm not very bright.

They think I'm just a pretty face.

How could I get looks beyond my looks? Signed More Than Good Hair.

Dear Smarter You need to do something to make them take you more seriously.

Stop concentrating on your looks and hit the books.

No! Ethan, what did you do? What you told me to do.

That hair was nothing but trouble.

Plus, now my brain can get some air.

Delete! Delete! Maybe the next letter.

-"Dear Lizzie" -Dear Lizzie I'm popular.

I'm pretty.

I have incredible fashion sense.

So, why aren't I happier? Signed, Baffled Beauty.

Dear Baffled When you stop thinking about yourself and start thinking more about others you'll be happier, I promise.

Peace Corps, here I come.

We can provide your village with food, clothing and clean water.

Oh, that's so thoughtful.

I haven't Jacuzzied in months.

There's got to be one question here that doesn't end badly.

Although the Kate fantasy wasn't so bad.

"Dear Lizzie" Dear Lizzie while I am brilliant, witty and debonair the other kids at school don't seem to realize this.

Ha ha ha, Tudgeman How can I get the other kids at school to like me? Signed, A Captain with No Shipmates.

Dear Captain, If you make more of an effort to join in the other kids will take notice.

The way to make a friend is to be a friend.

Hi.

Um I'd like to sign up for the Pep Club.

Sorry, but we've already reached our dork quota for the year.

Right.

You know, one day I'm going to start my own club.

Mr.

President, you cannot let Dr.

Tudgeman destroy the universe.

How hard was it to let him join Pep Club? Losers bent on universal destruction do not belong in the Pep Club.

Why did I marry you? Because I am the best-looking First Lady since since ever.

Send in my advisor.

Lizzie we have a situation here.

Yes, Mr.

President, sir? I want two billion dollars.

Who said that? Over here, you dufus.

Oh, Lizzie, I've been meaning to thank you.

Founding the Evil Geniuses Bent on Universal Destruction Club was the best idea you ever had.

But I-I didn't mean for it to end up this way.

I'd like the money by say, noonish.

Ciao.

That's it.

This amateur advice columnist is going to the pros.

Mom, Dad, I need your help.

You're asking us for advice? Intentionally? Yes.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

Halle lu jah.

W-What's wrong, honey? Well, I've been giving people advice and they've been taking it.

Everybody's been really happy and everything's been going good until Until some of your good advice landed someone in a bad situation? Yeah.

How did you know that? It doesn't take a genius to see where this is going.

Lizzie, you can't be expected to control every single thing that happens.

You just have to give the best advice you can and hope it works out.

What he said.

That's the thing about dads.

You think they're clueless, and then they just surprise you.

I-I just feel kind of frozen.

And I promised Gordo that I'd answer one more letter.

Okay.

So pretend you're one of your readers and if you were to give yourself advice right now, what would you say? I guess I'd just say, sit back, relax and answer the next letter that comes my way.

Off you go, then.

Thanks, Dad.

I know.

I'm good.

This is the one.

Adam, Adam What do you want? I wanted to tell you that I give up.

You win.

I will have to be happy with simply following in your footsteps.

As it should be.

After you.

I insist.

You know, McGuire, I expect more than a bucket over the door gag from you.

Just like that, huh? It's payback time, Mr.

Burton.

Matt wins Matt is so funny Mr.

McGuire, this has your name written all over it.

Why, uh, yes.

Thank you for noticing.

I think you and the principal need to have a little chat.

I'll show myself out.

Welcome back, Matt.

Hey, did you get my column? Yep.

And I see you had it in you to answer one last letter.

Well, I couldn't let Confused Guy down.

You didn't.

What? Nothing.

UmLooks like everything's ready to go here.

Dear Lizzie I think I may like my best friend as more than a friend.

What? Do I, like, have something in my face? No You're perfect.

What should I do? Signed, Confused Guy.

Dear Confused.

I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can't.

Hey, guys.

-You ready to go? -Yeah.

Where are you going? Oh.

I'm going to walk Veruca to class.

Standing up to her bully didn't really work but we did learn that there are safety in numbers.

Come on, we're going to be late.

All I can say is just follow your heart.

It'll tell you what's right.

Lizzie, wait.

Um there's something I need to tell you.

Yeah? You give great advice.

I need you so much You're out of reach You're out of reach, but you're so close I hear you call I feel you fall But you're out of reach.

sh**t.

A lot of practice.

-Am I jumping lines? -Yes.

Yes.

We did learn that lucky numbers walk together or something like that.

I just spent the halthe last hour hiding in the caf A stroke of brillan bril-brillance.

Ah Memorize everything about this moment.

Gordo just called me blah