01x07 - I'm Not Crazy (Outlast IRL Gameplay)

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Scare PewDiePie". Aired: February 10 – April 6, 2016.*
PewDiePie encounters terrifying situations and sets inspired by his favorite survival horror video games he previously played on his YouTube channel. (Thanks for the shout-out PewDiePie! We appreciate it!! :))
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01x07 - I'm Not Crazy (Outlast IRL Gameplay)

Post by bunniefuu »

- [shouting in Swedish]

I'm not having this!

How's it going, bros?
This is PewDiePie.

You're about to watch
me get the absolute
sh*t scared out of me.

[screaming]

This show takes
what I already do,

getting scared
of horror games,


but taking it to
the next level,


a really f*cked up level.

[all screaming]

So if you love watching me
get scared shitless...


f*ck this!
f*ck this! f*ck this!

You're gonna love
Scare PewDiePie.


Mr PewDiePie?

Hey!

Hey!

Should I go around?

No.

[Kevin] Come on.
Come over the top.
Stop goofing around.

Why do we
do this every time?

Don't grab on to that.
That's what broke
last time.

All right!
All right.

How's it going, bros?
It's PewDiePie.

Tonight, we're gonna
go to a doctor

who wants to
discuss the results

of your medical test
we did the first day.

I don't know if
they're gonna reverse...

They're gonna talk
about my results?

Yeah.

Yeah, so there's
someone who is new
to our crew tonight.

Jeff, this is Felix.
Felix, this is Jeff.

How's it going?

Felix.

[Jeff speaking]

Whoa! What the f*ck?
Oh, my God.

Hi!

Let me go!

I'll find you!
I'll find you, Felix!

In case something
comes down,

they just asked me
to have extra people.

Yeah, sounds good,
'cause I don't
trust those doctors.

[chuckling]

All right. Let's go.

Okay.

So, you've had a couple
great game day plays, right?

Yeah, last one
was awesome.

Excuse me.
Are you PewDiePie?

Yeah, yeah.
I'm PewDiePie.

[Jeff speaking]

Jeff...

[Jeff] I'm sorry.
I'm packing tonight.

I just wanted you to
know you're covered.

What does packing mean?

Oh, you have a w*apon?

[Felix] What did he say?

He has a w*apon.
A g*n?

Yeah. Fine.

[Jeff speaking]

[man] So what
are we doing today?

Well, meeting
doctors at : .

That's not
weird at all.

[man] Okay, why don't
you put that on.


[Felix] God damn it.

Great. Great, guys.
Great hospital, guys.

My favourite so far.

Why is it so freaking hot?

I just want you to

[banging]

start concentrating,
'cause I feel like...

[banging]

What is that?

You just need
to use your senses.

What is that?

Keep walking.

[screams]

Damon, fun.

Why do you
have to do that?

Goodbye for now.

Mmm-hmm.

For now.

Good luck.

Thank you.

[maniacal laughter]

[pounding on door]

[laughter continues]

[man] It's time to do it.

Take it off.

Okay. Good to go.

I can do this.

[woman shrieks]

[indistinct yelling
and screaming]

Hello?

Oh, sh*t!
[laughing]

[maniacal laughter continues]

Oh! f*ck me!

Okay.

How's it going
over here?

Bananas,
bananas, bananas...

Where's Sean?
Where's Sean?

Where's Sean?

Oh! f*ck!

[man] Dr Schwartz is back.
Dr Schwartz is back.


Okay! Okay!
Jesus Christ!
What the f*ck!

Pass me your chair.
Pass me your chair.
Pass me your chair.


What the f*ck?
What was that?

[laughter continues]

Dr Schwartz is back.
Dr Schwartz is back.
Dr Schwartz is back.


What are you doing
outside of your room?

What? Me?

You're agitating
all of the patients.

No, no, no.

Let's go to your room.
It will be much safer there.

Okay, okay, okay.

Now just go
up to your room.
It's after curfew.

It's the time
for you to relax.

No?

This is what
they always say.

Just come and sit.
Sit and relax.

Just take a load off
and relax your feet.

Sit down.

[sighs]

And we want
to make sure that
nothing happens to you.

Everything will
be completely...

No, no, no!

Just... You need to
be in seclusion room.

Are you f*cking
kidding me?

This is to make sure...

I'm not kidding you.

[handcuffs tightening]

Listen, we have had
this discussion before.

Felix, I'm sorry.
This keeps you safe.

There's nothing
to worry about.

Don't struggle.
It will be less
comfortable.

Remember, no one
is released until

their paperwork is
signed by Dr Yates.

I would k*ll to know
where your papers are.

f*ck this.

It's curfew!
Into your rooms,
my lovelies. Let's go.

This is
f*cking bullshit.

Oh, come on.

[door creaking]

Oh, no, hey,
how's it going?
How you doing?

Sean! S-E-A-N.

Okay.

Not S-W-A-N.

S-E-A-N. Got it?

[stammering]

Thank you.

Look what I got.
Look what I got.

Look what I got.
Look what I got.

Would you mind?

No, no, no,
I would not mind.

Okay.

Psyche!

[laughing]

You got me.

Yes, I got you.

Look where I put them,
right there.

Oh, cool.

S-E-A-N!

Sean, okay. Great.

I'm his favourite.

[shrieking]

[sighs] Well, S-E-A-N.

Thank you very much.

For f*ck's sake.

Which one is it?

Come on!

Guys.

Okay, none of these fit.
Ha-ha. Really funny.

Thanks a lot, Sean.

These are way too big.

[screaming]

What the f*ck?
Did it...

Oh, sh*t!

[chuckling]

Come on!

How the...

Okay.

f*ck me.

There you go.

Genius strikes again.

Not a problem.

Okay. Cool.
Put this right back.

[grunting]

Okay.

Okay. Good, great.

Gonna go home,
get a hot chocolate.

[Felix exclaiming]

What the...

Hey.

What?

Hey, Pewds.

[laughing]
What is this...

Come on, buddy.
Take a seat.


Mr Chair!

Yeah!

Will you help me
out of here?

Yep, but first, we need
to get your paperwork.


Hop on in, and I'll take you
to where you need to go.


Okay, great.
This is amazing.

Take me to the exit.

Come on, buddy.

Okay. I don't think...
No, you're not...

Mr Chair,
what are you doing?

Oh, sh*t! What the f*ck
are you doing?

Come on, come on,
come on.


Mr Chair, stop!

sh*t! Calm down.

Yeah!

All right, Pewds,
I got to get you through
this hall of crazies.


Then we're gonna
go to the chapel.


We're gonna go to the chapel.
Great, can't wait. Okay.

[Felix laughing]

[exclaims]

Watch out for the chapel.
Watch out for the chapel.


Yes.

[woman laughing]

Bananas,
bananas, bananas...


Okay.

[man] Check, check, check.

Okay, okay!

Oh, sh*t! What the f*ck
is this doing here?

All right, buddy, hop on out,
head on into the chapel.


Okay. Thank you,
Mr Chair. You're so nice.

Will you come back?

I'll be waiting for you.

Okay. Just wait there.

What the f*ck?

Okay.

What do we got?

Flicking lights, check.

This is my favourite
chapel of all time.

[yells]

[gasps]

Look around.

And I'm supposed
to be crazy.

[laughing]

You're gonna
need those!

Oh!

You're gonna need those
when the lights go off.

[Felix] Oh, f*ck!

f*cking hell.

Ugh!

Oh, dude!

No! Come on!

Thanks for keeping it
warm, guys.

Okay. I can see with this.

This is great.

[cackling]

[silence]

[speaking in distorted voice]

[electricity crackling]

Hey.

Can I sit down?

Yeah, take a seat.

Okay. Yes. Thank you.

Oh...

sh*t.

I'm gonna take you
somewhere real fun.


Oh, come on.

[man screaming]

Where are we going?

I'm gonna take you
somewhere real fun.


Where are we going?

Somewhere real fun.

[gasps]

Okay, okay.

[screaming]

[giggling]

That's just great.

f*ck you.

Okay!

Where's Schwartz?
Where's Schwartz?


Let's just go. Let's just go.
Let's just go. Keep going.

Keep going.
What the f*ck are you?

What the...

Oh, dude!

Hey, how are you doing?

Bananas,
bananas, bananas...


Hey.

Dr Schwartz is back!
Dr Schwartz is back!
Dr Schwartz is back!


Okay!

[indistinct shouting]

Okay.

Yes. I'm ready
to go home now.

[Dr Schwartz] I need to know
where I can find the file.

When I ask questions,
I need answers.

Oh, sh*t, Sean!

I don't want to hurt you.

I just want to
know very simply

where can I find
the files?

[Sean screaming]

Is this a bad time?

Tell me where they are!

I hate asking
multiple times.

So one last time,
where will I
find Felix's file?

[Sean] Dr Yates' office.

[Dr Schwartz] That's
all I needed to know.

[Sean] Please, Doc.

[Dr Schwartz] I know
now you're very tired.

I'm going to give
you just a gentle...

[screaming]

[Chair] Whoops!
That was Dr Schwartz.


We need to go to
Dr Yates' office and
get your paperwork.


Jesus Christ!

[screaming]

Okay!

Go. Go, Mr Chair.
Go. Go faster.

Where is it?

Right there.

Where is it, tell me?

It's right there.

I mean, right over there,
right over there.

It's over...
It's over there!
Yes? Okay, great.

[Chair] I think we're here.

Great, thank you.

Hop on out and go
into the office.


Okay, just f*cking great.

What the f*ck is this?

What?

[woman over pa]
Attention, all medical staff.


Dr Yates will be
in the testing lab
for the next few hours.


If you need Dr Yates
for any reason,


please stop by
the testing lab.


[intermittent] Again,
that's... Test... Dr Yates...
For testing... Thank you.


What? Okay, great.

[phone ringing]

[static]

[man] Hello?

Hello?

If you're looking
for the files,


proceed to find
them in the cabinets.


Crank them to open.

Okay.

Crank...

Okay, I got this.
Not a problem.

Easy, there we go, files.

Files for days.

Protein shakes,
my favourite.

Um...

Oh!

It's a code.

I'm gonna put "Sean."

It must be.

I can't get it open.

Am I an idiot?
Yes, I am an idiot.

Oh! [chuckling]

Okay! Yes!

I did it all by myself!

[laughing]

I don't know how these work.
Okay, all right.

It was a rough start,
but we can do this now.

Okay. [gasps] What?

Okay, what is this?

Okay, yes.

"Does this patient have
a new psychiatric condition?"

What? "And a history
of mental illness,
Felix Kjellberg."

"Yes."

[woman over pa]
Attention, all medical staff.


If a patient wants to fill out
their full release paperwork,


they must get a signature
from the practising physician.


What? Okay.

You'll find Dr Yates
in the lab.


Don't want to do that.

"Has the patient been
medically cleared

in the emergency
department?"

What the f*ck is this?

I don't want to
signature this.
This is bullshit.

[sighs] Okay.

Here we go again.

Just great.

[man] Felix!

Fantastic.

[woman] To the left.

Where is it?

f*ck!

[woman] Bro fist.

That way. That way.
That way.


Oh, sh*t!

Okay.

No, I...
They're over there.
They're over there.

Okay, great.

Okay. I did it.

Hello?

Excuse me?

Are you okay?

Oh, f*ck!

Okay, I just came to...

What are you
doing here?

I'm not doing anything.

[Nurse Annabelle]
What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?
I said answer me!

I came for
a signature.

"Release paperwork for
patient Felix Kjellberg"?

Is this your
release paperwork?

Mmm-hmm.

This way to Dr Yates.

Okay.

[whimpering]

[laughing]

[barking]

[Felix] Oh, sh*t!

[thudding]

[woman screaming]

What the...

What the sh*t?

Okay.

[screaming]

I'm... All right.

Jesus Christ.

Okay.

Chair!

sh*t! sh*t! Okay!

f*ck this!
f*ck this! f*ck this!

Where the f*ck do I go?

sh*t!

[cackling]

Okay, I'm gonna go here.
Okay, exit, exit.

sh*t.

Okay.

f*ck this place!
Where the f*ck is the exit?

Where does it end?

[screeching]

No! No!

Jesus Christ. Okay!

What the f*ck?

[Kevin yelling]

I got you!
You're safe. You're safe.
Go back. Go back.

What's going on?
What happened?

♪ I never ran so
much in my life. ♪

[panting]

What's your opinion
of American hospitals?

You know,
I can tell you don't
have health insurance

and stuff going on here.

Yeah.

It's a little bit
more sketchy here.

Hello.

Hey.

Hey, how you doing?

Good, good, good.

Hey, how's it going?

Good.

So I brought
the paperwork
out for you to sign

so we can get started
on your restraining
order with Nikki.

Tell them how much...
We love each other!

This will not
be the end!

You can't stop
real love!

Okay.

Have you had any other
incidents since we last spoke?

Sorry, sir,
I would like to be...

I mean, I'm kind of
his security detail,

so I'd like to be
the intermediary.

So you want
me to talk to you,
and you talk to him?

I think that's
the best thing.

That's not necessary.

That's fine, but I normally
need to talk to him

because he's the person
that's gonna sign his name
on the dotted line.

This is officer
to officer.

Well, I don't want
to be disrespectful,

but officer and security
are two different things.

So we're both security.

Okay.

No, I haven't had
any incident with
Nikki or anything.

He did receive packages,
though, you understand?
Packages...

[Felix] Well,
it is from fans.

Yeah, he did
receive packages,
but not from Nikki.

Yeah, well, okay.

This is for us to
get the temporary
restraining order going,

and then I'm gonna
need your signature

right down here
at the bottom "X."

Is there
a box that you can
check off "packages"?

What is he talking about?

He's your security guy.
You tell me.

Okay, so I just need you
to sign right here.

Okay.

And then I'll fill
this information in
if you want.

Right here?

Yeah, right there
on the "X."

[Felix] Is that it?
Is that it?

[officer] That's it.
We're good.

Thank you, Officer.

Appreciate that.

Thank you so much.

Keep an eye out.

Thank you.

Okay. Thank you so much.

Jeff, this is Felix.
Felix, this is Jeff.

How's it going?

Felix.

I generally do
overnight things,

doughnut shops
or late-night riding.

Hey, hey, hey,
it's a one-way
street, guys.

It's a one-way street.

Could you guys...

It's not a
one-way street.

[Jeff] People think
security guards
are not prepared,


and I am fully prepared.

He has a w*apon.
A g*n?

Okay, good.
[chuckles]

Just wrapped up another day.

Crazy as always,
but I did it.

And I'll see you
in the next one.

Bro fist.

You don't trust me.
I know you don't
trust Damon.

You probably haven't been
getting a lot of sleep.

So we got you...

A pillow?

So, it is a pillow!

Okay.

This is my
favourite pillow.

Okay.

Yes.
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