07x01 - A PE Christmas

[bunniefuu]

♪ my name is Shake-zula,

the mic ruler ♪

♪ the old schooler

♪ you want to trip?

I'll bring it to you ♪

♪ Frylock, and I'm on top

rock you like a cop ♪

♪ Meatwad, you're up next

with your knock-knock ♪

♪ Meatwad make the money, see?

♪ Meatwad get the honeys, "g"

♪ drivin' in my car, livin' like

a star ♪

♪ ice on my fingers and my toes,

and I'm a Taurus ♪

♪ unh, check, check it, yeah

♪ 'cause we are the aqua teens

♪ make the homies say "ho!"

And the girlies wanna scream ♪

♪ 'cause we are the aqua teens

♪ make the homies say "ho!"

And the girlies wanna scream ♪

♪ aqua teen hunger force

♪ number one in the hood, boy

Where is the food?

Will you shut up?

You said there was

gonna be food.

And I don't see meat.

I see bread,

but that ain't a sandwich.

Shut up, Shake. Shut up.

There's no protein.

I want to be muscle man

for Halloween

and I have to start now.

Will you shut up.

They have to bless it first.

Ah, jes--

don't you say it!

What? I'm not allowed

to say a name?

You're taking it in vain.

No I'm not.

When I use it, I get results.

What are you looking at?

You worshiping me now

all of a sudden?

Sorry.

Yeah yeah, turn back around

captain rubberneck.

Hey look at that.

They giving out

money over there.

Have some respect.

We're in a church!

Alright, here's the plan.

When he stupidly hands us

the dish of money,

I will accept it and quickly

deposit it into my off-shore

account, and you cut that way,

far away from me, and start

screaming "hey I took the money!

I took that money!"

I took the money!

Hey yall I took the money!

No you don't.

Not on Christmas you don't.

Where'd you get money?

I worked for it.

And I'm giving it to the church.

Because you need to experience

how it feels to give,

and not just receive,

like you usually do.

But also, how it feels

to receive, too.

Cause that's a good feeling

too y'all.

When Santa claus comes down

from the cross and give me

all that stuff I asked for.

That ain't Santa claus, okay?

How many times I gotta tell

you that?

Well he got a beard.

And that ain't

a belly full of jelly.

Look like he got

an appendectomy scar.

Is this the mall?

'Cause I'm sitting here

wondering how I'm gonna sit

in his lap when he's hanging

from some nails.

Santa claus did not die

for our sins.

Santa claus is dead?

No!

Yes!

He crashed his sleigh

right into a wall

'cause he was drinking a lot.

It was a twisted fiery wreckage

of sleigh, reindeer bones,

and the old fat bastard's guts.

Excuse me, excuse me folks.

We need to go.

And who's drunk enough to get

nailed to wood?

I can see maybe one nail.

But then you'd think he'd move.

But no!

We gotta revere him

for his slow reaction time.

Look,

it's been a long year.

And I won't lie to you --

it's been rough.

There may not be a whole lot

under the tree this year.

That's okay, Frylock.

We got each other.

And I got me a brand new super

soaker that I asked for, right?

So I'll be happy too.

Yeah...

About that.

Frylock.

What Meatwad is saying is

something changed me

during that service.

And I think I'm gonna do things

a little differently

from now on.

Damn, well that's great

to hear.

Please open these gifts!

Flavor flav?

Chuck d's k?

See, I've stolen their

identity and I plan to release

a Christmas album --

as the public enemy.

"Bring the toyz --

a public enemy Christmas."

Okay. Good night.

Whoa whoa whoa.

Christmas is tomorrow, Frylock.

You will now drive us

to the studio.

This I command.

Well, Frylock blew it.

And I'm gonna charge him

for the hour and a half

it took me to walk here.

Ugh, god I don't know how I keep

that in so long.

Hey, I think we oughta sing

a couple of Christmas classics,

like "silent night"

and "o holy night"

and "one night in Bangkok."

Yeah, no.

I sing all the tracks.

Me. Just by myself.

And you say "uh"

like whenever I say anything,

then tell me how good I sound.

Which it will.

Uh. Uh.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Perfect. Perfect.

We were recording

on that, right?

Uhh... no.

I was just getting levels.

Damnit, Michael I told you

we have a tight window on this!

You apparently don't wanna be

here on Christmas Eve.

I don't.

Uh. Uh-uh.

Wait, we're rolling now,

right?

Sorry.

Rolling now.

Okay.

Let's take a break now.

I feel like the record is going

really well everybody.

Yeah booooyeee!

Terminator x, please.

Terminate the jibber jabber.

Umm, question flava.

How's the listener gonna

believe the hype

if you don't bring the noise,

like you usally sound?

We're gonna modulate it

in the thing with the computer.

Larger point, listeners ain't

gonna know until they've already

paid for the album.

Alright.

By that time, I'll already

have like three grannys.

Yeah, but pe is Jewish,

ain't they?

And I am white,

and you are stupid.

So who cares?

I mean you're like

% white,

you're like blinding white.

Oh, you're gonna play

the race card.

Alright, breaks over.

Let's hear that b*at.

And then, of course,

then we'll modulate it

in the thing with the computer.

Yeah I know we're gonna

modulate it in that thing

I said. I know that.

Playback!

♪ happy birthday Jesus

♪ you're the one

♪ coming down to earth

from the planet Krypton ♪

♪ rollin out tracks

and getting it on ♪

♪ like the wrath of Khan

with Ricardo montalban ♪

♪ it rained fishes and loaves

on the b*tches and the hos ♪

♪ they said they want some mo'

and he said hell no ♪

♪ yo I got the flow

♪ you ghost ridin the whip

♪ and you suckin on my

okay, let's cut it there.

Whoo!

I was hoping to get the word

"ding dong" in on that take,

but I ran out of breath.

Uh, uh-uh.

Uh uh, uh-uh uh.

You need some more uhhs.

I think we can loop

the one uh.

Let me listen back to that.

Alright, why don't you, uh

modulate that to sound

like flavor flav,

which is obviously who I am.

Word to your mommy.

Word up.

Come on in for playback.

♪ happy birthday Jesus

♪ you're the one

♪ coming down to earth

from the planet Krypton ♪

uh.

♪ rollin out tracks

and getting it on ♪

♪ like the wrath of Khan

with Ricardo montalban ♪

yeah, boyeee!

♪ it rained fishes and loaves

on the b*tches and the hos ♪

♪ they said they want some mo'

and he said hell no ♪

♪ yo I got the flow

♪ you ghost ridin the whip

♪ and you suckin on my

Sounds good.

Yeah, it's pretty tight.

Yeah, that's...

So we done?

Let's hear it again.

I think I heard a click.

Can we brighten up the "uhh"s

a little?

Just a touch.

Yeah, get them all

Brighton beach all up in here.

Sure.

I'll brighten it.

How's that?

I noticed you're not touching

the board.

You're just sorta looking at me.

Yeah, I'm controlling it

with my feet.

Oh, okay.

Of course.

Like Eddie Lee.

And that's a wrap everyone.

How do we put what you just did

in stores so people buy it

and I get the money?

Sir, it's only seconds.

How we gonna release that?

That ain't even a single, man.

We can do six.

Six songs is an album, right?

Do that mean we gotta record

five more?

Fine!

I'll start by writing

some more lyrics!

♪ stapler on this desk

♪ I got a microphone stand

♪ how bout some waffles?

♪ this chair does not give me

enough lumbar support ♪

♪ dingdong suckas

♪ and I'm out

then fade out,

put that in the machine

and have that shrinkwrapped

quickly before the stores close.

I can't, that's...

Right.

Umm, I wrote me some lyrics,

too

that sounds great, Meatwad,

but I just don't think Jesus

wants you to sing

all over my record.

It's an oldie but a goodie.

Look, it's not my call here,

okay?

It's the king of kings,

he the one that don't want it.

Can't I do just one song?

You know what, you're right.

It's Christmas.

And I realize I gotta

take a dump.

We're rolling. Go ahead.

We're not rolling on this.

There we go.

A little more in the cans,

thank you.

♪ silent night

♪ holy night

♪ all is calm

♪ all is bright

can we get that door closed?

It is closed.

Okay, let's keep it rolling.

♪ round yon virgin

♪ mother and child

♪ holy infant

so tender and m-- ♪

Michael, Jack my volume up.

♪ sleep in heavenly peace

feels like an adult-sized eel

lurking in my anus!

The toilet's backed up.

Someone in my entourage

must have clogged the pipes

with their bm.

Terminator x...Crement,

did you eat a horse on

the way over here?

Merry Christmas

everybody!

Look y'all!

Santa claus left us a bunch

of eels for Christmas!

What the hell?

There were eels in my body!

Nobody believed me!

Can I keep them, Frylock?

Please, can I keep 'em?

Sure. What the hell.

I wanna train to be a part

of a show like the Jackson .

Only eels.

At least someone got

something this Christmas.

What did you get Shake?

Well apparently I got

eel diarrhea!

Now come on, let's see

how my album's selling.

I told you,

the stores are closed.

It's Christmas, man.

Help me pry open the door

so the consumers can get

to my album.

I'm flavor flav.

You are well aware

of my hip hops and raps.

Now you're gonna hear

from my lawyers who will

bust a rhyme on your job.

What did I eat

in Chuck d's dumpster?

Chuck d, what up, dog?

I'm flavor flav.

Hmm.

Your friend, as you know.

You're smaller than I

remember.

Aww, don't believe the hype.

Hehe I lost some weight.

And some height. Anyways, man. I

found this in my ride. Your bank

statements. Your social security

card. E-z bank statements for

the years through .

On a personal note, you have

excellent credit.

Thank you, flav.

That's very kind.

Tell you though, if I was you

I'd put a padlock on that

dumpster out there.

That's not a dumpster.

It's a lair for our space eels.

They're fun pets but don't let

them anywhere near your anus.

Good to know.

Hey, check this b*at out.

♪ silent night

♪ holy night...

Did you do this?

Uh Huh.

This track is gonna be huge.