01x13 - The Girls in the Band

[bunniefuu]

[Pop music playing]

JONSEY: Been fired from

there, been fired from there.

Ooh, not even allowed to shop

in there!

These want ads suck!

You might as well face the

truth, Jonesy:

You're unemployable.

So how am I supposed to pay

for that hockey trip next month?

I'm seriously low on cash!

No, we're seriously low on

cash!

If I had a dime for every dollar

you owed me, I'd have, like...

Well, I'd need a calculator, but

you'd owe me a lot, man!

Count me in for some of that

action too, bro.

I get first dibs.

Why?

Um, ladies first?

Oh, right.

♪ I'm watching you dance

♪ It's my only chance

♪ For a taste of your lips

♪ My hand on your hips

♪ Till the day you say yes

to me, you'll always be ♪

♪ My fantasy

Oh, those lyrics!

I know.

Sounds like a stalker wrote it.

Promise me you'll disinfect

that before you give it back.

What?

WYATT: How can you listen to

that?

DawgToy's the boss, Wyatt!

And you have to admit,

they're, like, the hottest guys

on the planet.

Uh, no, we don't.

POKEY: Okay, kids, watch

this!

[Kids chattering]

[Pokey yelling]

Oh.

JUDE: That was awesome!

I can't believe I just did

that!

You took out Pokey the Panda.

[Laughing]

Sorry!

[Children sobbing]

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

starting to find my way ♪

♪ Got a new job

gonna start at the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen sixteen

♪ Got to make the good times

last ♪

[Sirens blaring]

[Horn honking]

Keep moving, people.

That's it.

Nothing to see here, thank you.

CAITLIN: Oh, I feel terrible!

What did Pokey ever do to

deserve this?

He'll be okay, Caitlin.

I'm just glad I won't have to

see his ugly mug around the mall

for a while.

Don't say that!

I'm with you, bro.

That bear kind of freaks me out.

What are you talking about?

Well, how do you know who's

really beneath that fluffy,

cute-looking costume?

It could be a mass m*rder*r, or,

like, my dad spying on me.

Or maybe even one of our friends

in deep cover!

One, two, three, four, five,

six!

Phew!

It's not one of us.

Wait a minute.

Caitlin, you're a genius!

Thanks!

What did I do?

You just created a job for

Jonesy!

Guys, I'd like you to meet the

Galleria Mall's newest Pokey the

Panda!

Yay!

Yeah!

Right on, Jonesy!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa!

I may be desperate, but I do

have some pride.

Then you can kiss your hockey

trip goodbye, because your

account at Wyatt Savings and

Loans is now closed!

Oh, man!

SALESWOMAN: Welcome to the

Khaki Bar!

I found you a size six.

I can't believe you actually

like the clothes here.

A good shopper can find

something to buy in any store!

Ugh, this dress is so boring,

I'm falling asleep just looking

at it!

Hand it over!

At least let me tear you a

new hem.

[Gasping]

Gee, Nikki, zero sales today

and counting.

What's your secret?

b*at it, or I'll announce

that you get your lip waxed at

Frizzy Lizzy's!

[Gasping]

[Grunting]

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

JEN:Hi!

Hey!

What's up?

You are not going to believe

this.

Guess who's coming to our mall!

CAITLIN:DawgToy?

Here?

[Squealing]

They're doing a CD release

party and taping a live video!

Here!

No!

This weekend?

[Squealing]

[Laughing]

Thanks!

Don't tell me, DawgToy's

coming?

How did you know?

I am so there.

Later!

They're casting one lucky girl

to dance onstage with the group!

Sorry, am I supposed to get

all, like, dizzy over four

no-talent, adolescent, one-hit

wonders?

CAITLIN: Yes!

New plan: We need DawgToy

audition gear.

[Gasping]

You have to audition, too!

[Gasping]

Not in this lifetime!

CAITLIN: Ow!

Did you get it?

You mean, this?

[Squealing]

[Groaning]

Oh!

They are so cute, it's

sickening!

Oh, I know!

Help me put it up!

[Squealing]

If anyone asks, I don't know

you two.

[Children giggling]

Hey, furry butt.

What's shaking?

[Jonesy chuckling]

Pokey, can I have a piggyback

ride?

JONESY: Now, what did Pokey

just say?

"Coffee breaks are Pokey's

alone time."

JONESY: Ten points, kiddo.

Phew!

Yeah, you've got little panda

groupies and everything.

[Children giggling]

Scram!

[Children sobbing]

Yeah, he's a real natural!

JONESY: Ouch!

This blows!

I look like a dork!

Actually, I think it's an

improvement.

Hey, can you see out of that

thing?

JONESY: Barely!

This is the worst job I've ever

had.

And this costume smells worse

than a locker room.

[Sniffing]

Woo!

Oh, you're right!

You reek!

Come on, this can't be worse

than when you were a mountain

maid at Lederhosen Larry's.

JONESY: Way worse, man!

Oh, holy underpants!

What are these?

The official DawgToy Jason

boy-cut brief!

Yuck!

Do you have just the Jason

ones, or the whole "Day of the

Week" set?

The whole week.

I hate you!

I only have John.

Okay, you guys have gotta

chill on the DawgToy thing.

JONESY: Yeah, they stink!

Ironic, coming from you.

You guys are just jealous of

Jason's awesome abs.

Yeah, and John's gorgeous

arms.

Drumming is just as good as

weightlifting for your biceps.

You ready for the audition?

Oh, I am so ready!

Check out these k*ller dance

moves!

Is anyone gonna tell her she

can't dance?

JONESY: Just keep her away

from me!

I don't want to be the next

panda on a stretcher!

So, what do you think?

There are no words to

describe how bad that was.

Oh.

Don't worry, Cait, with a

little more practice, you'll be

great.

You have a great chance too,

Jen.

I hope so.

I've had a mad crush on Jason

since ninth grade.

I might get to meet him in

person!

[Squealing]

[Mocking squealing]

Hey, you should audition with

us, Nikki.

You've got a great look.

Uh, I'd rather watch Pokey

here hit rock bottom.

Ah, a woman with taste!

Yeah, I was beginning to

think every chick on the planet

was into DawgToy.

Yeah, well...

[Laughing]

I guess good taste comes

naturally to me.

Hey, what is this?

You're coming with us anyway.

We need the moral support.

You coming, guys?

No way, dude.

JONESY: Not a chance!

I'd rather kiss a dead

horse's butt.

This is so unfair!

Why do I have to go?

You guys owe me one!

[Pop music]

[Cheering]

Woo hoo!

Go, Jen!

She was amazing.

Yay!

[Bones cracking]

Ow!

I still hurt from my audition.

Was I really that bad?

Don't worry, I'm sure no one

even saw you fall.

Oh, man, that must've hurt.

I've never seen anyone fall off

the stage head first!

[Cheering]

Look!

They just eliminated everybody

but Jen!

[Sneezing]

My nose ring!

JEN: Ouch!

Excuse me.

Sorry.

There it is.

Now, that's the look we're

looking for.

Excuse me?

You're excused.

She could never handle the dance

steps.

Oh really?

Maybe I will give it a try.

Alright, let's see what

you've got.

[Pop music]

She's really good.

[Cheering]

Ladies and gentlemen, our

new DawgToy video girl!

[Cheering]

Ugh!

That traitor!

[Sighing]

Man, those DawgToy dudes are

weak!

Yeah, I'm all boy-banded out.

It's nice to be just kicking it,

chick-free.

Letting it all hang out.

I am so glad to hear you say

that, bro.

[Flatulence sounding]

Oh, yeah!

[Laughing]

I've been holding that one in

all morning!

Oh, gross!

Dude, nice one!

[Laughing]

[Flatulence sounding]

[Laughing]

At least we don't have to

worry about a third fart from

Wyatt.

What's that supposed to mean?

Man, your butt's so uptight,

you won't even use the food

court washroom!

I don't think we'll be hearing

from it today.

No worries!

Allow me!

[Flatulence sounding]

[Laughing]

Hey, no proxy farting

allowed.

Every man...

[Flatulence sounding]

for himself.

[Laughing]

[Flatulence sounding]

Oh, that's bad.

I'm out of here.

JONESY: You know what your

problem is, bro?

What's that?

You don't know how to loosen

up, even when it's just us guys.

That is not true.

[Chuckling]

Is so!

Pardon my French, but you're

tighter than the lid on a pickle

jar.

Oh, yeah?

Well...

[Grunting]

[Quiet flatulence sounding]

That was pathetic!

Loosen up, man!

A dude with to rear firepower

is like a car with no

horsepower.

It's a darn shame.

Alright, you want loosening

up?

I'll show you loosening up!

Come on!

The stunts you're about to

see are performed by

professionals.

For your safety and the

protection of those around you,

Pokey insists that you do not

attempt any of what you're

about to see.

[Crowd cheering]

WYATT: I always wanted to do

that.

Excellent.

Heck, yeah!

Say my name, panda!

And that's why she wouldn't

kiss me.

I really dig this dude bonding

thing.

It's good to have buds you can

say anything to.

Ugh!

Nikki just got chosen to be in

the DawgToy video!

Awesome!

It's not awesome!

No, that sucks!

Why isn't it awesome again?

Nikki doesn't even like

DawgToy, and she knows that

they're, like, the most

important band in my entire

existence!

But didn't you drag her there

against her will?

That's not the point!

The point is, she should have

stayed off the stage!

They were about to pick me!

Whoa, chill, Jen.

Nikki's been your "bra" for,


like, ten years.

Exactly!

Friends don't do that kind of

thing to each other.

It's like a rule!

Jonesy, you would never do that

to Jude, would you?

Yeah, now you've got nothing to

say!

Really helpful!

Later!

Whoa!

Okay, did that conversation make

any sense to you?

JONESY: Are you kidding?

Most of the time, chicks don't

make any sense!

Dude, how did you get out of

your costume like that?

My furry friend and I have

come to an understanding.

Pokey sits at the food court

with the juniors, while I spend

quality time at the arcade!

This gig is sweeter than I

thought!

[Chuckling]

So, I've been bonding with an

empty costume all afternoon?

All that stuff I told you about

my date?

That's between you and me, dude.

Got it?

Cool.

JEN: How could Nikki do this

to me?

It's just so insensitive.

Besides, everyone knows she's

just going to embarrass herself

up there.

[Clearing throat]

Hey, Wyatt, care to pull that

Kn*fe out?

Well, you aren't even a

DawgToy fan!

You hate boy bands!

This is my one and only chance

to meet Jason!

Hello!

I didn't try to get chosen!

You're the one who dragged me to

that stupid audition, remember?

Wyatt, don't you think

Nikki's being a bad friend?

Oh, no.

Leave me out of this.

I can believe you two would

fight over DawgToy.

They suck!

UNISON: Hey!

Don't listen to him, John.

He's just jealous.

NIKKI: So, got anything else

you want to say behind my back?

Cause I can turn around for you.

Nope!

I'll say it to your face.

Best friends should help each

other hook up with their

crushes, not steal them!

[Scoffing]

What is that, like a rule or

something?

Yeah, it is!

You know, I was gonna give

you my spot in the video, but

now I'd rather see how badly

I'll embarrass myself up there.

Fine!

Fine!

So, explain this rule thing

to me.

It's like, if you scoped a

perfect one-shoulder top and

put it on layaway, and then

your best friend ran back to the

store and scooped it.

[Gasping]

Nikki scooped a scope?

I had no idea it was this

serious!

Shouldn't you be out hugging

kids or something?

I'm covering for Jude.

He's conquering Mount Escalator

today.

Pokey makes great skate padding.

Huh?

JUDE: Who-ho-ho-a!

What the?

[Gasping]

JUDE: Prepare for panda

domination!

Whoa!

Yay, Pokey!

[Laughing]

Go, Jude!

Nice!

You're the man!

JUDE: Oh, no.

[Screaming]

Sweet ride!

[Cheering]

Alright, Pokey!

[Horn honking]

JUDE: Uh oh.

Come on, mini-dudes.

Let's bounce!

Dispatch, we have a in

progress in the main fountain

area.

We are in pursuit.

Your furry butt is mine, Pokey.

[Pop music]

Nice moves!

She's even better than me!

[Scoffing]

The other guys should be

here any minute.

Cool, whatever.

Ugh!

She doesn't even care that she's

about to meet Jason!

Bit nervous, huh?

Naw.

I better get to work, though.

[Scoffing]

That does it!

I'm going to talk to her.

[Dance music]

Nice groove, Jonesy.

Rocking the panda beats!

Chips?

JONESY: Sure.

Aw!

You know, you were right.

This is sweet!

Just us guys doing our guy

thing.

No chicks, no boy bands,

no drama.

[Flatulence sounding]

JONESY: And quiet Wyatt

speaks.

JUDE: - !

- !

What are you talking about?

Rent-a-cop's on the panda's

tail and he's heading this way.

He wasn't too crazy about

Pokey's ollie off the escalator.

RON: Pokey, I know you're

in there.

JONESY: Oh, crap!

Alright, panda.

Where are you?

I've got you cornered!

Time for a fake medical

emergency!

Huh?

[Choking]

Whoa, dude!

Jude, take it easy, man!

Don't worry, bro.

Just stay calm, and...

[Grunting]

[Coughing]

Son, that's disgusting.

Somebody go for a medic!

I'll go.

You, stay where you are.

I'm not through with you yet.

JONESY: Sweet!

That was totally convincing,

man!

Jude, I said a fake medical

emergency!

Oh, sorry.

[Flatulence sounding]

[Laughing]

You'd better head, Jonesy.

Ron'll be back any second to

save my life.

JONESY: Right.

Later!

♪

Ah!

[Jonesy screaming]

[Children squealing]

Oh!

I don't suppose you feel like

working today, do you, Nikki?

Drop dead!

Did you see where Nikki went?

Excuse me?

Do you see "Nikkisitter"

written somewhere?

No.

Oh, but that would be so cute!

Hey!

Why was it so important to you

to be in a DawgToy video all of

a sudden?

She's in a video?

Nikki got cast instead of

Jen and scooped Jen's big chance

to meet her crush, Jason.

[Gasping]

She scooped her scope.

I'm out of here.

I'm gonna be late.

[Cloth ripping]

[Gasping]

JEN: Huh?

[Gasping]

Leave it, I'll get that!

"The Best of DawgToy"?

"Woof, Baby, Woof: An

Autobiography"?

[Gasping]

You're a closet DawgToy fan!

No, she's like a DawgToy

groupie!

Stop!

It-it's too humiliating!

Admit it!

You love DawgToy!

Okay, okay, I love them.

I do.

So, that's why you didn't

want to give up being in the

video.

Well, why didn't you just tell

us?

Could you keep it down?

It's bad enough that Hairy Lip

over there knows.

[Gasping]

I was too embarrassed, okay?

I tried to stop listening to

their CDs, but I can't help it!

When Jason tilts his head to the

side and bats his eyelashes, I

just--

UNISON: Melt?

[Sighing]

So, now you know my deepest

and darkest secret.

And now I have to k*ll you.

[Giggling]

So, technically, she didn't

break the rules, since you had a

crush on Jason, too.

True, but that all depends on

when she started liking him.

Whoever liked him first gets

first dibs.

Okay, look, can we just

promise to be honest with each

other from now on?

Deal.

Break a leg tonight, Nik.

You're going to be awesome.

Hey, come backstage right

after the show.

I'll get you in to meet Jason

and John.

John, in the flesh?

[Squealing]

[Jonesy screaming]

JONESY: I didn't do it!

Stop right there, panda scum!

Nobody jumps in this soldier's

fountain and gets away with

it.

[Children cheering]

[Crowd cheering]

Jason, I am so your biggest

fan!

You guys were so, so...

[Squealing]

You're really DawgToy!

Can I touch you?

Sure.

[Gasping]

[Squealing]

He even feels cute!

Uh, hi.

Um, so, uh, could you sign my

Jason doll?

For you, anything.

There you go.

[Giggling]

Okay, if you tell anyone

about this, you're dead.

[Laughing]

WYATT: Hey, big news.

Some of the audition clips made

it onto the video.

Check it out.

♪

[Screaming]

Ow!

Dude!

That's nasty.

That must've been

embarrassing.

Can I borrow your costume

tomorrow?

I don't think I can show my face

around here for a while.

Wish I could, but I got fired

for being a bad role model for

kids.

Go figure!

Hey, what's that in your hand?

Nothing!

[Gasping]

"To Nikki, with love, from

Jason"?

From Jason?!

DawgToy Jason?

Well, well, welly well well!

Isn't that cute?

And here we thought you had such

good taste!

Give that back!

I can explain!

♪