04x26 - A Tax on Cats

[bunniefuu]

-And children should be

taught at an early age

to treat animals

with consideration.

For kindness to animals is

a mark of the civilized man.

-Gee, you're a swell

writer, Mr. Wilson.

Read me some more.

-All right.

Well, I go on to

say, the devotion

shown us by our animal

pals deserves our affection

in return.

-It sure does.

-So let us always be kind

to our four-footed friends,

no matter how--

[cat meowing] There's

that pesky cat of

Mrs. Elkins again.

Scat!

Get out!

So let us always be kind to our

four-footed friends no matter

how--

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

Why did you throw your slipper

at little old Tinkerbell?

-Why did I throw my slipper?

Because I didn't have

a rock, that's way.

-But you keep

saying we should be

kind to our four-footed friends.

-Dennis, I do not consider

that confounded cat

of Mrs. Elkins a

four-footed friend.

Cats are a nuisance, and I

don't want them in my yard.

-Well, I guess you're kinder

to Tinkerbell than you think,

Mr. Wilson.

You missed her by a mile.

[theme music]

-Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson!

Oh, there you are.

Mrs. Elkins, what do you want?

-Hi, Mrs. Elkins.

-I want an apology from you.

That's what I want.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

Hello, Dennis.

-I ought to what?

-Don't you give me

that phony innocence.

You deliberately through a rock

at my dear little Tinkerbell

yesterday.

Miss Cathcart saw you.

-Oh, that wasn't

yesterday, Mrs. Elkins.

It was just a few minutes ago.

-What?

-And it wasn't a rock, it was

his bedroom slipper, wasn't it,

Mr. Wilson?

-As a matter of fact,

Dennis, it was both.

Yesterday and today.

-You mean to sit

there and tell me

you threw at my little

Tinkerbell again today?

-Yes, I did.

And I will throw

at the little pest

every time it comes

into this yard.

-Oh, why, why that's the

cruelest thing I ever heard.

-The cats in this

town are a menace.

And that little Stinkerbell

of yours is the worst.

-Oh, you are sick.

-Yes, I am sick.

I'm sick and tired of stray

cats tearing up my flowerbeds

and frightening

away the song birds.

You people should be forced

to buy licenses for them,

keep them on leashes, like dogs.

-Oh, that's ridiculous.

-And any cat caught without a

license should be locked up.

-I do not care to say

another word to you

John Wilson about anything.

But I do have one question.

-What is it?

-Since the law says every

dog must wear a license,

where's yours?

-Of all the nasty, insulting--

by George, I'll show her.

-Jeepers, what are you

going to do, Mr. Wilson?

-I'm going downtown

and tell the city

officials there should be

a license law for cats.

People who have them

should pay a fee.

-But you're too

busy a man to worry

about a little thing

like cats, Mr. Wilson.

Heck, they don't bother anybody.

Maybe decent cats don't,

but that alley rabbit

of Mrs. Elkins bothers me,

and so does Mrs. Elkins.

Well, I'm going to do something

about both of them right now.

-There's already a law in

licensing cats on the books.

-Really?

Sure, here it is.

Ordinance B.

All cats shall be licensed,

the fee to be $ per year.

Any caught without

a license then

shall be impounded,

et cetera, et cetera.

-Well, for heaven's sake,

why aren't you enforcing it?

We tried it a couple of times,

Wilson, but the law's no good.

It's too expensive to enforce.

-Too expensive?

That's a ridiculous statement.

-I told you we tried it.

Cats are too hard to catch.

That's the problem.

Here, see this?

-City Cat Catcher.

Yeah.

-The last guy that wore this

cost the city times as much

as he could collect

in license fees.

It just won't work, Wilson.

-Well, that's a pretty lame

excuse for a lawman, Mooney.

By George, if I was

in charge around here,

I'd make the law work.

-Oh, you would, would you?

-You bet I would.

If you ran your department--

what are you doing?

-I'm taking you

up on your offer.

You are now officially deputized

as special City Cat Catcher.

-Oh, now, Mooney, just a minute.

-You catch a dozen cats

in the next hours,

and I'll put that

law back in force.

-Oh, well, I could do it.

Make no mistake about that.

It's just that, uh,

well, that I'm too busy.

-Hello.

Mayor's office?

Let me talk to the mayor.

Sgt. Mooney.

-The mayor?

Oh, now wait.

Hello, mayor?

Good news.

You know that city

cat-catching ordinance?

John Wilson's going

to take it on today.

He's going to show

us how to do it.

-Oh, well, I didn't-- I didn't.

-What's that, mayor?

John Wilson's a big

bag of wind, huh?

-Well, of all--

-He always brags up a storm,

and then backs out, huh?

-Is that so?

You tell the mayor that I

back up my words with action.

I'll accept that appointment.

-A dozen cats in hours.

That's a deal, Wilson.

-I'll show you and the mayor.

-Hello, Mom?

It's a little joke I'm

playing on a fella that

brags a little too much.

Yeah, I'll tell you all about

it when I come home for lunch.

Goodbye, Mom.

-Eloise, I know what I'm doing.

I intend to round up every

stray feline in this town

with lures, traps, and a net.

-You certainly are going

to a lot of trouble

just to get even

with Mrs. Elkins cat.

-This has nothing to

do with Mrs. Elkins.

Not anymore.

It's a matter of gross

inefficiency in our city

government, and I

intend to expose it

for our voters to see.

-How's that again?

-Look, we have a

law in this town,

and it is not being enforced.

Now by catching

those cats, I intend

to focus attention on

the entire situation.

Wake up the voters.

Let them see how badly

their city is being run.

-Oh, sort of rouse

the rabble, huh?

-Exactly.

And if the people react

as I expect them to,

I could organize a committee

to investigate graft

in our city government.

Something like that.

-Dear, don't you think

you ought to stick

to just being a writer?

-I could very well be asked

to run for city council

on the strength of this.

And after that, who know?

Mayor, governor, senator,

almost anything could happen.

-My goodness, just think, you

might become the only President

in American history who

started out as a cat catcher.

Sick 'em Mr. President.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Hello, boys.

-Gee, what are you going

to do with swell net?

-Going fishing?

-Catch butterflies?

-No, I'm going to work, fellas.

See my badge?

-City Cat Catcher.

Cat catcher?

-I've been appointed to round

up all the stray cats in town,

take them down to the city

pound and lock them up.

-Lock them up?

-If their owners

want them, they'll

have to come down and

buy a license for them.

-Yeah, but Mr. Wilson, what

if they don't have any owners?

Well, then they'll just

stay locked up, that's all.

-Boy, is that dirty.

-I haven't time

to talk now, boys.

I've got to get busy.

-Mr. Wilson, Mr.

Wilson, you just

gotta talk to me for a second,

because what I've got to say

is real important.

-All right, Dennis, what is it?

-We've been friends for

a long time, haven't we?

-Well, I've always

thought so, yes.

You're the best grown

up friend I've got,

and I'm always on your side.

But this time, Mr.

Wilson, you're wrong.

Absolutely wrong.

-Oh, now, let's not go into--

-I'm the side of our

four-footed friends

like you wrote in your article.

And I am going to

help the cats to keep

from getting caught

any way I can.

-You go right ahead.

You go right ahead, Dennis.

Do what you like.

I am going out and catch cats.

Goodbye.

-He sure is a mean

old man today.

-He is not mean, Seymour.

He's just not thinking

straight, that's all.

-Don't worry, Dennis.

Me and Seymour will help you.

He won't catch a single cat.

-No, sir, he sure won't.

-Every time he tries, we'll

mess him up, won't we?

-Yeah, we sure will.

-We'll mess him up.

-Because I like cats.

-I like cats, too.

-I just like to mess people up.

-Here he comes.

We've got to save that cat.

Ready with the decoy, Tommy?

-Ready, Dennis.

-OK, Seymour.

You meow.

Then we'll hide over there.

-Meow, meow, meow,

meow, meow, meow.

-Miserable-- Again.

The phantom strikes again.

[meow]

[meow]

-Here, Tinkerbell.

Nice Tinkerbell.

Come take a ride in the sack.

Tinkerbell, come on, Tinkerbell.

Here, Tinkerbell.

Right here.

[meows]

-Confound it!

-He's what?

In my yard now trying

to catch Tinkerbell.

Who's this calling?

The phantom?

Well, I'll take care of him.

Thank you, phantom.

-You're welcome, Mrs. Elkins.

-Come, Tinkerbell.

Tinkerbell.

Tinkerbell.

Come, Tinkerbell.

[yells] Here, kitty,

kitty, kitty, kitty.

Here's some nice milk for you.

Come on, kitty.

It's half cream.

Real yummy.

Come on, kitty.

-He's going to get one.

-Yeah.

-It's time to use

the secret w*apon.

You ready, Seymour?

-Right here in my pocket.

-Boy, the secret

w*apon sure worked.

-Here comes Mr. Wilson.

-So I caught you!

-Yeah, but you

didn't catch the cat.

-Well, I should have.

-Why did he pass up

that saucer of milk?

-We have a secret w*apon.

-Oh, you boys have

been following me

around all day haven't you?

Trying to foul me up.

-We haven't been

trying Mr. Wilson.

We've been doing it.

-Yeah.

And we're going to

keep right on doing it.

-We're good fouler-uppers.

-Like I told you,

we're protecting

our four-footed friends.

-Dennis, I realize

your motive, and I

admire what you boys have done.

-You do?

-Yes, but unfortunately there's

been a terrible mistake.

You have misjudged

me completely.

-We have?

-Oh, absolutely, my boy.

You think that I have been

rounding up these cats,

because I don't like

them, don't you?

-Yeah.

That's what we think.

-You're a stinker.

-He is not, Seymour.

Mr. Wilson is a real nice man.

He's just a little nutty today.

-Yes, uh, no.

What I-- well, as

a matter of fact,

I am rounding up these cats

purely for their own good.

-Why is it good to take

them away from their homes?

-Oh, I don't mean the

ones with homes, Dennis.

I mean, those poor stray cats.

Theirs is a sad plight, indeed.

-It is?

-Oh, yes.

Yes, boys, those poor

creatures never had a chance,

but I'm going to see to

it that they get that.

-How?

-I'm going to make it

my personal concern

to see that each one of

those cats gets a good home

and loving care.

-But this morning, you

acted like you hated cats.

You said Tinkerbell was a pest.

-Oh, well, that

was because I was

upset with Mrs. Elkins, Dennis.

My true self wasn't speaking.

-Is it speaking now?

-In words of deepest sincerity.

-Gosh.

I guess we were wrong

about you, Mr. Wilson.

-I was hoping you'd

see it my way,

because I need you with me.

-You mean you want us

to help you catch them?

-Exactly.

If we combine our

efforts, I'm sure that we

can bring happiness to those

poor, unfortunate animals.

-OK, Mr. Wilson.

I'll help you.

-Me, too.

-I'd rather catch them anyhow.

-Bless your sweet,

understanding little hearts.

You have made a noble decision.

Now let's get busy

and round them up.

-I sure wish you and

them kids hadn't of

dragged all these

tarnation cats in here.

-Well, where else would

we take them, Mr. Tibbitt.

After all, this

is the city pound.

-Yeah, but I just don't

like to have them around.

I can't stand all

this caterwauling.

-Well, they are

cats, Mr. Tibbitt.

They can't help caterwauling.

-I ain't amused, sonny.

-Well, their owners will be

calling for some of them.

-The sooner the better.

-Oh, but don't let

any of these cats

go until Sgt. Mooney

comes by and counts them.

He wasn't at the police

station, but I left word for him

to drop by.

-A fine thing.

The police wasting

their time counting

a bunch of caterwauling,

flea-bitten critters.

-Oh, the time won't be wasted.

From now on, owners

will have to pay

a license fee of

$ for each cat.

-Anybody that would

pay $ to keep a cat

ought to have his

head examined into.

-Well, it will be a great

source of revenue for our city.

Oh, I better be getting home.

I promised my wife

I'd take her shopping.

-Yeah, go ahead.

That's right, that's right.

Run on off and leave me here

with this flea-bitten bunch

of caterwauling critters.

-You really dislike

cats, don't you?

-I tarnation do.

-Well, I suppose you enjoy

taking care of the dogs

out in the kennel.

-Can't stand them neither.

Smelly, yapping things.

-I'm surprised you don't give

up your job here at the pound.

-Give up a high class job

with the city government?

Ah, heh, heh, sonny, I

can't do nothing like that.

That's one of them

status symbols.

-Oh, well, tell Sgt. Mooney I'll

get in touch with him later.

-Oh, why don't you stop

all of this yowling,

oh, great g*ns, whoo.

-Once I persuaded Dennis and

the other boys to work with me,

we caught cats by the dozens.

-It must have been jimdandy fun.

-I didn't do it for fun, Eloise.

I did it to expose the gross

inefficiency of our city

government.

-That's right, of course, dear.

-I'm sure the

voters of this town

will remember John Wilson

when the next vacancy appears

on the city council.

-You know, I'm so

glad you're taking me

down to the beauty shop.

Now I can tell

all the girls what

an important man I'm married to.

-Well, you could

say that I suppose.

-My husband, the cat catcher.

-Meow, meow, meow.

Meow to you, too.

You tarnation cats

never stop yowling.

-Hi, Mr. Tibbitt.

-Hi, there, young fellas.

Say, ain't you the

ones that helped

that Mr. Wilson drag

all these cats in here?

-Yeah, that's right.

-Oh, no.

Don't tell me you've

got more of them?

-No.

We just came to see how

many were still here.

-Oh, oh, well, that Sgt. Mooney

came over and counted them,

and then some of the owners came

and took about seven of them

away.

And I put the rest of them

in that big cage over there.

-Gee.

That's a lot of

homeless cats, Tommy.

-I think there's

about of them.

Well, they'll soon be living

with good old Mr. Wilson.

-Wait a minute.

Do you mean to say that

Wilson fella wants them?

-Yeah.

He said these cats

should have a good home.

-And loving care.

-So he said he's going to

give them what they deserve.

-Well, that beats all.

He didn't look like a nut.

-Can we take the

cats to him now?

-I don't know.

He's supposed to sign for them.

-We'll sign.

You know we worked with him.

-Yeah, we were

assistant cat catchers.

-Yeah, yeah.

You can have these

tarnation cats.

-Thanks, Mr. Tibbitt.

-Personally, I think

he's touched in the head.

But us big city officials

have to work together.

Come over here and sign for him.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, hello, boys.

Were you waiting for me?

-Yeah.

We've got a wonderful

surprise for you.

Close your eyes, and I'll

lead you in the house.

-Well, you did help me today.

The least I can do is

join in your little game.

-Give me your keys.

-Keys?

All right.

-Now close your eyes.

-All right.

-Keep them closed.

-Oh, I will.

-OK, Mr. Wilson,

now open your eyes.

-Great Christopher!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

-Isn't it swell?

-Did-- did you boys

let these cats in here?

-We brought them

through the window.

They're all yours, Mr. Wilson.

-Mine?

-You said you'd give them a

good home with loving care.

-No, no, no, I said I'd get them

good homes with other people.

-You weren't telling us a

fib were you Mr. Wilson?

You do like cats, don't you?

-Well, uh, yes, yes, of

course, but I didn't expect--

-I knew you'd rather keep

them than give them away.

-Dennis, I have

no intention of--

[doorbell rings]

That must be Eloise.

How can I explain this to her?

The door's unlocked, dear.

-Thank you, sweetheart.

Just came by to say

you win, Wilson.

Yesterday, you

caught enough cats,

so the licensing law

is back in effect.

All cat owners have to pay--

holy smokes, more cats?

-They aren't alligators.

-I gotta get going, Dennis.

I'll see you later.

-Bye, Tommy.

Like I said, Wilson, from

now on all cat owners

have to pay a fee of $ per cat.

Well, let's see, these

will cost you about $ .

-$ ?

-There might be more in

the kitchen, Sgt. Mooney.

I'll go see.

-Now look, Mooney, these

animals aren't really mine.

Dennis thought I wanted them.

-They're in your

house, aren't they?

-Oh, yes, but that has nothing--

-Uh, Wilson, I brought along

a copy of the law here.

Let me read it to you, huh?

Any person having

a cat in his home,

is libel to a license

fee of $ for each cat.

-I won't pay it.

-Or a fine of $ per

cat if the license

is not purchased immediately.

-I'll pay it.

-I thought you'd see it my way.

-$ , $ .

-Look what I found Mr. Wilson.

A lady cat left five little

kittens in your dishpan.

-Oh, I can't stand it.

-Well, it looks like

another $ , Wilson.

-They're so small,

Sgt. Mooney, can he

have them for half price?

-OK.

Half price.

-Oh, you're so good to me.

-That's because you're a

nice man who loves cats.

[theme music]