(whimsical melody)
♪ Santa Claus is on his way ♪
♪ In a sleigh ♪
♪ Hip hip hooray ♪
♪ I can't wait for Christmas day ♪
♪ Waiting up for Santa ♪
♪ I can't seem to fall asleep ♪
♪ It happens to me every Christmas Eve ♪
♪ The clock won't tick
fast enough for me ♪
♪ Waiting up for Santa ♪
♪ Around, around the world ♪
♪ Bringing lots of toys ♪
♪ Around, around the world ♪
♪ To every girl and boy ♪
♪ Around, around the world ♪
♪ Spreading Christmas joy ♪
♪ Then up he goes ♪
♪ Singing ho ho ho ♪
♪ Santa Claus is on his way ♪
♪ In a sleigh ♪
♪ Hip hip hooray ♪
♪ I can't wait for Christmas day ♪
♪ Waiting up for Santa ♪
- Quick, Lieutenant Silver.
Go back to the front and take
control of the plasma cannon,
it's the only way the commandos can land.
- Roger, Captain Gold, cover me.
- [Both] k*ll the mutants.
(mimicking laser g*ns)
(indistinct television chatter)
- What I'd miss?
- Fourth down, they're going for it.
- Not a chance.
- [Man] Look at that hole, he's got it!
- Go, go, yeah.
- Yes.
- Nothing really, just
an unassuming Chardonay.
- Hey Irwin, they just scored finally.
- Thank god, how are you, David?
- Good, good, good.
How was the traffic?
- You're pulling us away from the party?
What is your problem?
- Hi dad, happy thanksgiving.
- Happy thanksgiving.
Where's my little buddy?
- He and Bobby are
upstairs saving the galaxy.
- Bobby and the whole
trainwreck family, I see.
- Dad, please.
They are going through
a rough time right now.
They need us to be there for them.
As a matter of fact,
why don't you go in there
and share some of that,
shall we call it, "wisdom" with them?
- No, please.
- Come on, come on.
(angry whispering )
David, go upstairs and tell the commandos
to keep the peace, please?
- Steph, the game is on!
Guys, hey, keep it down!
Bring it down.
- [Stephanie] I could
have done that, David.
- Calling Major Titanium,
fire the neutron beam.
- Beep, beep, beep, beep.
- Justin, calm down up there!
Would you like to adopt
an eight-year-old tornado?
- I'd love to, but you
would never give him up.
- Make me an offer today.
- Oh, come on!
Can you believe this?
- You know, I just don't get football.
- That, girlfriend, is
why you are still single.
What do you think of Sal?
- He's kind of cute, in a
rough and tumble kind of way.
I don't think he's my type, though.
- No?
- You're so much like your
father, you make me sick!
- Don't bring my parents into this!
- So, Sal, how's business?
- It's busy, it's nothing I can't handle.
- All right, let's go.
- The evil suck brain!
Run, lieutenant!
- Blast them!
- [Announcer] Attention,
Stellarian space commandos!
From the forces of Alarius,
comes The Armor of Heroes!
- Whoa!
- No way!
- [Announcer] With these
weapons of galactic peace,
you too can defend the world
against the evil alliance.
Join Major Titanium and
the forces of Bronze,
Silver or Gold Battalions, to
keep our galaxy mutant-free!
Get the Stellarian Space Commando armor
and galactic weaponry today,
at Better toy and
department stores near you.
Only limited supplies
available through Christmas,
so act now!
Space Commando Armor is
not designed for protection
and should not be used
as safety equipment,
for contact sports, inline
skating, bicycle riding,
or defending the galaxy.
Armor and weaponry sold separately.
Batteries not included.
And remember, Commandos, finish the job!
- [Both] Mum!
- It smells ready.
- It looks great.
- Mum, mum, great news!
- What, honey?
- They got Stellarian commando stuff
you can put on and wear!
- And real plasma g*ns!
- Okay, not now, go tell daddy.
(men groaning)
- No, not again!
- Dad, dad!
- Hey, buddy, say hi to your grandpa.
- Hey partner, where have
you been hiding, huh?
- Hi, grandpa.
- If it's not one
accusation, it's another.
- Mum, mum!
They got Stellarian battle
stuff and plasma g*ns.
- What, honey?
- You listen to him.
- Our son is trying to tell us something.
Do you mind?
- Dad, it's the coolest thing.
They got bronze, silver and gold.
- Your mummy and I are in
the middle of a discussion.
Tell us about it later.
- Go play.
- The plasma g*n is the only defense
against the evil space mutants.
- Maybe if you're a good boy,
I'll put in a good word to Santa.
- Really?
I forgot to write to him!
- We'll see.
- Okay, everybody, the turkey is ready.
Come on, wash up!
- I'm gonna go eat!
- [TV Commentator] For
more textbook offense.
The kind that makes--
- You think things are going to get ugly?
- Think positive.
If they start fighting,
I'll pull the choking act.
- Don't you dare.
Justin, do you want to say grace?
- Oh, mum.
- I'll say it, grace.
Let's eat.
(adults chuckle)
- Why don't we go around the table
and everybody says something
they're grateful for?
- Okay, but first, I think Justin
does want to start off with
grace, don't you, buddy?
- Okay, "rub-a-dub dub,
thanks for the grub!
Yay, God!
- Amen!
- [Stephanie] Justin!
- Okay, okay.
Dear Lord, thank you for these
gifts we are about to receive
and for all those here
to share it with us.
Amen.
- [All] Amen!
- Well, I'm thankful to have
a real family thanksgiving.
It's been a long time.
- Hear, hear, to family and friends.
- [David] To family and friends.
- [Stephanie] I agree.
- What about you, Sal,
what are you thankful for?
- I'm thankful our team
covered the spread.
- Lovely.
- Such holiday spirit.
- Hey, I won bucks!
- Felix, Marie, would you
like to add something?
- Well, I guess I'm thankful for--
- This is not the time.
- Felix and I have
decided to get a divorce.
(melancholic music)
- Turkey?
- Amen.
- Alright, let's see.
You have picked up your toys,
washed up, you brushed your teeth?
Well, finish the job, go
on and check them off.
- Tough day for a thanksgiving, huh?
- Do you think Bobby's okay?
- Yeah, he's strong.
He's going to be just fine.
- He was acting kind of weird.
- Oh, he's just hurting, Justin.
Sometimes it's easier to hide
our feelings when it hurts.
- What do you think will
happen to his mum and dad?
- Sometimes, Justin, people,
even good people like Bobby's parents,
just can't get along.
- You guys get along, right?
- Yes Justin, your mum and
dad get along just fine.
You know that.
Nothing in this world
could break us apart.
- That's right, kid.
Like it or not, you're stuck with us.
- Good.
- Okay, time for you to go to sleep.
- Hey, that's right,
what about Santa Claus?
It's a month until Christmas.
- Okay, good night.
- Good night.
- Okay, good night.
(cheerful Christmas music)
- Isn't that pretty?
- So, what happened?
- I don't know, I went to bed.
- They sent you to bed?
- No, I went on my own.
I was tired, they were arguing.
- Do you really think
they're going to, you know.
- Divorce?
Yeah, I guess so.
- Can they do that?
- They're grownups, they
can do whatever they want.
- It's not fair.
My mum said you can stay with
us a couple days, if you want.
- No way, there it is!
- Wow!
- No way!
- Wow!
Oh, I hope Santa brings it.
- I know I'll get mine.
- How do you know?
- Grown-ups always give kids presents
when they get a divorce.
Larry got a new bike when
his parents broke up,
and it wasn't even Christmas.
- That makes sense.
- [Driver] Morning, Mr. Thompson.
- Come on.
- I got it.
- Good luck, Floyd, stay warm.
- Bah, humbug, it's freezing out here.
- Here you go.
- Ho, ho, ho.
(bell ringing)
- See ya!
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Stop it, Bobby!
- [Teacher] Robert, don't make me send you
to Mr. Hoke's office again.
- Dude, what are you doing?
- Watch this.
- Stop it, Bobby!
- How do you expect Santa
to bring you anything
if you keep getting sent
to the principal's office?
- I don't have to worry
about Santa this year.
I got parental guilt on my side.
- Quiet back there.
- No, don't you get it?
Maybe if you ask Santa
to get your mum and dad to stop fighting,
you could even keep them together!
- Hey, I never thought of that!
- Okay, Robert, I warned you, let's go!
- But--
- No buts!
To the office, young man!
(teasing)
- No, no, I'm not saying
we don't pay the mortgage.
I'm just saying let's call the bank
and see if we can make
some smaller payments
the next couple of months.
- Then what?
- Then, I don't know.
If they buy that, call them back and say,
"start sending us money".
- Not funny.
I mean, we cannot borrow
against the house again.
You have a truck payment due.
The credit cards are maxed out.
Really, what are we gonna do?
- I don't know!
I don't know!
Is there any word on your promotion?
- No.
I'm hoping to find out
at this meeting tomorrow.
- What about that remodeling job?
- Nothing, I haven't heard anything.
- David, maybe you should talk to Sal
about getting your old
job back and ask him--
- Please, Stephanie, don't start that!
Don't start that!
Look, we've been through
this a thousand times!
No!
- I'm just saying until things pick up.
- Look, I didn't break my
back at this point in my life
to get my contractor's license,
to start a new company,
just to go crawling back to
Sal to get my old job back!
No!
- Well, maybe that was a mistake.
- A mistake on something
that we both agreed
that would be best for us.
- Well maybe we were wrong.
- Is that what you think?
- I'm just saying.
- I know what you're saying!
I know.
Look Stephanie, I know what you're saying.
I just wish that you would
have a little faith in me.
- Honey, I have faith in you.
I'm just trying to be realistic.
You're the one who wanted this big house.
We have overextended ourselves.
- What do you mean that
I wanted the house?
First of all yeah, I wanted this house
but you wanted it, too!
We both walked in and
said, "this would be great.
"This is a beautiful house," yes?
Second of all, what is it that
you really expect me to do?
Do you want me to have my own business
for two, three months, four
months out of the year,
and the rest of the time
I'm this worker bee,
working for Sal?
- Excuse me, I can be
a worker bee all year!
It's not as glamorous as
starting your own business,
but at least I put food on the table.
- What?
Oh, thank you.
That's perfect, thank you very much!
I really needed that.
- Oh David, don't be so--
- Don't be so what?
What, finish the sentence!
- Where are you going?
David!
David.
Okay.
- Where's dad?
- He went to the store to get some milk.
- When is he coming back?
- Soon, he'll be back soon.
Okay, brush teeth, check.
Say prayers?
- I did it all.
- Okay.
Good night, Justin.
- Night.
- I love you tons.
- [Marie] What difference does it make?
We already decided, and all of a sudden,
you want to keep it a secret.
If you weren't so worried
about what people thought,
and cared about your family for a change.
- [Felix] That's not the point!
- [Marie] Then, what is the point?
- [Felix] What are you talking about?
- [Marie] When are you
going to give me a break?
You decided to walk out the door,
and expect me to pretend
that everything's okay?
- Ho, ho, ho!
I know I'm a little early,
but is anybody ho-ho-ho-home?
Ho, ho, ho!
- Well, if it isn't Santa.
- Ho, ho, ho!
What do you want for
Christmas, little girl?
- Santa, I have been
a naughty little girl.
- Not as naughty as you're
going to be, I hope.
Ho, ho, ho!
- Oh, Santa.
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Santa!
- Ho, ho, ho!
Where's my little elf?
Oh, there you are.
Come here, come here!
- Bobby, Bobby, come in!
- Go for Bobby!
- Dude, you won't believe it,
Santa Claus is in my house!
- No way, it's not even December.
- I'm not kidding, he's downstairs!
- Yeah, right.
And Major Titanium is in my bathroom.
- I'm serious!
- Then prove it.
- I will.
Signing off.
- I'm sorry about before.
Think you can forgive me?
- I already have, will you forgive me?
- You're already back
on Santa's nice list.
- Oh Santa, I think I'm seeing fireworks.
- And it's not even Christmas.
- I can't wait for Christmas Eve.
- Ho ho ho.
Looking for this?
- Dad.
- Yeah?
- Are Santa and Mrs. Claus still married?
- Yeah, as far as I know.
- No, I mean, are they breaking up?
- I don't think so.
Hey, honey.
Hey look, I'm going to make some eggs.
- Oh no time, I've got
to run, big meeting.
- Oh okay.
- Bye, Justin.
- Good luck.
- Thanks!
- Dude, this is awesome!
- What are you talking about?
I don't want my mum and
dad getting a divorce.
- Yeah, but if your
new dad is Santa Claus,
think of the toys!
This could be way cool.
- No, it is wrong, I have
to ask them about it.
- That won't work.
My folks didn't tell me anything.
They keep that stuff all secret and stuff.
- Yeah, but what about Mrs. Claus?
- Your mum is probably a
lot hotter than Mrs. Claus.
- What do you suppose
my mum sees in Santa?
My dad is in a lot better shape.
- Hey, mums like presents, too.
Besides, Santa has got
magical powers and stuff.
- Hey, maybe Santa is using
his magical powers on my mum
to steal her away from my dad.
- I don't know, Santa don't steal.
He doesn't have to.
- Dude, I think I figured it out.
- What?
- Your mum and Santa,
how to keep him away.
- How?
- You've got to be bad.
- What do you mean, bad?
- You know, like the song says,
he's making a list, he checks it twice.
He's gonna find out who naughty or nice.
Santa never comes when a kid's been bad.
You've got to be so bad,
that Santa won't ever come to your house.
- That's pretty bad.
- That's how bad you got to be.
- I don't know if I could.
Wait.
You're the one who is
always getting in trouble.
You could show me how.
- I'm your man.
- Okay, what can I do
that's really, really bad?
- That's easy, fire alarm.
- Pull the fire alarm?
I don't know.
- What's the matter, can't handle it?
- I can, just watch me.
- Look out!
- Cut it out.
- You going to do it or not?
Dude, you're so bad!
- You pulled the fire alarm.
- Yeah, so?
- You pulled the fire alarm.
I'm telling.
- What happened?
- Try it again.
- It's not working.
- Let me try.
- See, there.
- Bobby Becker!
- I didn't do it!
- Are these your initials carved here?
- Yeah, frequent flyer.
- Let's go, boys.
- I didn't do it, really!
- Why do I have a hard
time believing that?
- I did it all by myself.
Bobby had nothing to do with it.
- You don't need to cover for him, Justin.
We know Bobby all too well.
- Really, I did it, it was all my fault!
- Okay, Justin.
I admire you for taking the blame.
But you two did a very bad thing.
As you know, the alarm
didn't go off today.
We obviously have a problem in the system.
Had this been a real fire, this
could have been a disaster.
- You mean, I'm not in trouble?
- Let's just say under the circumstances,
I'm letting you two off the hook for now.
But only if it never
happens again, understand?
- Can do, Mr. Hoke.
- All right, you can go now.
- You were lucky this time, Robert.
And you're lucky to have
such a friend as Justin.
- But I didn't--
- Don't interrupt me.
Justin, I don't know why
you would take the blame.
You're too good a friend of Bobby,
and he doesn't deserve it.
- But--
- Enough, I don't want
to hear anymore about it.
(people chatting)
(horns beeping)
- So, how did the meeting go?
- Not good.
- You didn't get the promotion?
- Nope.
They gave it to Stan in accounting.
- No!
What?
You're much more qualified than Stan,
and you've been here longer.
- Yeah.
Well I guess, it just wasn't meant to be.
- That's not fair, Stephanie.
What are you going to do?
- I don't know.
We were counting on that raise.
Things are getting so tight.
- I have a friend who says
they're looking for someone at Joyco.
- Really?
You think you can get me a meeting?
- Oh, yeah, I'll make the call.
(school bell ringing)
- You're the expert, give
me a little more tips.
How do you get in so much trouble?
- I don't know, it must be
something I was born with.
Most of the time I'm not even trying.
- Fire alarm didn't work.
There's got to be
something rotten I can do.
- Wait, you're the good one, right?
All you do is the opposite
of what you normally do.
- The opposite?
- If your mum tells you to take a bath,
you just go roll around
in the mud instead.
- Like if your mum says
to clean up your toys,
you just leave them all over the place.
No, you got to do way
worse stuff than that.
- Man!
- What?
- days of making my bed for nothing.
- Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas, Santa.
- Feliz Noel!
Whatever.
- Look, that's Santa.
Watch this.
- No way!
- Hey!
- You stay away from my mum!
- Listen, kid, you've got me
mistaken for somebody else.
- Don't lie, I saw you with her!
You leave her alone!
- Wait a minute kid, I
don't even know your mother.
- Stay away, fatso!
- Ow!
- Run, Bobby, run!
- Cute kid!
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
- Hey, wait a minute.
Here's a sure-fire way to
get yourself in trouble
at the dinner table.
- What's this?
- A fart machine.
You wind it up and sit on it.
Then at the right moment, you
lean over and let 'er rip!
- Whoa!
- Good luck, think bad.
- No, no problem at all.
I'll look over the plans tonight,
and I'll fax you a bid
first thing in the morning.
Hey, buddy, shoes off.
Snow, snow.
With all due respect,
I hate to guesstimate.
I'm very detailed, I'm very fast.
I'll look them over tonight.
You're going to have the bid
before you get there in the morning.
Okay, bye.
Hey, Jus?
What the.
(breaking glass)
Justin!
Come.
Hey, buddy, what's going on?
Justin, what's going on here?
(phone ringing)
Don't move, don't move.
I'm going to be right
back, don't you move!
(cheerful Christmas music)
♪ Tannenbaum and mangers and mistletoe ♪
- I can't believe it.
Isn't Stan the guy who was
hitting at the CEO's daughter
at the company picnic?
- Yep, they just got engaged.
- Well, that explains it.
- I set up an interview at Joyco.
They're looking for a regional rep.
- That sounds good.
Pay raise?
- Even if I get the job,
I'm still not going to get
a check before Christmas.
- Well, I've got some good news.
I'm going to bid on a job in Ridgecrest.
- Ridgecrest?
- Yeah, go figure.
And there's a bonus if I get
it done before Christmas.
- Honey, that's great!
We can keep those wolves at bay.
- Don't start congratulating me yet.
I've got to get the job.
- You'll get it.
- Meatloaf is done.
Why don't you call your son?
- Whoa, whoa, "my son"?
What did he do?
- [David] Here we go.
- Justin, have you been feeling okay?
- Yeah.
- Your dad tells me you've been acting up.
- Got something on your mind, buddy?
- No.
- Sure is a funny way to act
with Christmas just
around the corner, huh?
- I don't care about Christmas.
- What?
Come here, let me feel
you, you must be sick.
(burps)
- Justin Carver!
- What do you say?
- Tasty.
- What has gotten into you?
No, no, you eat your vegetables.
- No.
- No?
It's a good thing you
don't care about Christmas,
because at this rate you're
not going to have one.
- Justin.
Did you wash your hands before dinner?
- No.
- Why not?
- I didn't feel like it.
- What do you mean you
didn't feel like it?
(flatulence)
(gasps)
All right, that's it, go to your room.
Go to your room, and don't
come out until I tell you to!
Go on, go on!
- Where did that come from?
- Don't look at me.
- Bobby, it worked, I got sent
to my room without dinner.
- Oh, yeah, cool.
- What's the matter?
- My dad, he left.
- What happened?
- I don't know.
They told me he had to
go away on business.
- I'm sorry.
- Hey, Justin.
- [Justin] Yeah?
- Do you really think that Santa
can get my parents back together?
- Yeah, you just need to be extra good,
like I have to be extra bad.
- Cut it out!
- Justin!
♪ Well, it was late Christmas eve ♪
♪ And I just couldn't sleep ♪
♪ It's not the same all alone ♪
♪ Thinking of you back at home ♪
- Thank you, sir, you can let go now.
♪ Hey, boy, jump on my sleigh ♪
♪ Well, rock, Santa, rock ♪
♪ Yeah, roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ Giddyup, Rudolph, don't be slow ♪
♪ You got to rock, Santa, rock ♪
(screams)
♪ Roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ I'm coming home for
Christmas so let's go ♪
(whimpering)
- It's all right, sweetie.
It's all right, sweetie.
♪ It was a cold, frosty night ♪
♪ Not a star in the sky ♪
♪ And the snow all around ♪
♪ Listen for the sound
of bells in the air ♪
♪ Yeah, it's Christmas everywhere ♪
♪ Come on and rock, Santa, rock ♪
♪ Yeah, roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ Well, giddyup, Rudolph, don't be slow ♪
♪ You got to rock, Santa, rock ♪
♪ Yeah, roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ I'm coming home for Christmas ♪
♪ So let's go, man, go ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
- Brat!
- Ha-ha!
♪ Leave a present by the tree ♪
- Come here!
♪ A bunch of cookies out for me ♪
♪ We'll take a drink by the fire ♪
♪ Baby, close your eyes ♪
♪ It's just a land of dreams and wishes ♪
♪ Hey, Santa, thanks a million ♪
♪ Well, rock, Santa, rock ♪
♪ Yeah, roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ Giddy-Up, Rudolph, don't be slow ♪
♪ You gotta rock, Santa, rock ♪
♪ I said roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ I'm coming home for Christmas ♪
♪ So let's go, man, go ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
(screaming)
- [Stephanie] Thank you, Mr. Hoke.
- You're welcome, Mrs. Carver.
Sorry to bring you in like this.
Thanks for coming by.
- Oh, well, it's quite all right.
- Justin is usually a model student.
I don't mean to pry, but is
everything all right at home?
- Yes, everything's fine.
I mean, nothing out of the ordinary.
- Yeah well, I'm sure
this will be the last time
he'll cause any problems,
isn't that right, Justin?
- We'll see, tough guy.
- Justin Henry Carver!
Thanks again, Mr. Hoke.
Come over here and sit down.
What in the world has gotten into you?
Justin, your father and I
are very concerned about you.
- Well, get over it.
- All right, what is the matter?
- Nothing.
- This isn't like you.
Is there something bothering you?
Justin, you know if there
is something on your mind,
you can talk to me.
You know that, don't you?
Well, is there something
you want to talk about?
- No.
- You're sure?
I can count on you behaving from now on?
Justin?
- Okay.
(cell phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Oh, hello, Santa.
- Hey, how did it go at school?
- I don't think we have
to worry about Justin.
I think he is going to be a very good boy.
- Ah, great.
Steph, I got some good
news, I got the job!
Looks like we're going to
have a Christmas after all.
- Oh honey, that's great, Santa.
- I want to stop on the way home.
I want to pick up that
commando toy for Justin.
It can't be that much, can it?
What was it called again,
where can I find it?
- Ah, hold on one minute.
Justin, could you please
wait for mommy outside?
- I want to talk to Santa.
You will get your chance
at the mall, I promise.
- No, I want to talk to him now!
- Justin, please!
Okay.
It's the Stellarian space
commando set or suit.
I know he wants the suit, the silver suit.
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy new year ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy new year ♪
♪ Good tidings to you, wherever you are ♪
♪ Good tidings for Christmas
and a happy new year ♪
- He called her on the cell phone.
- No way, that's serious!
- I know, what can I do?
- What would Major Titanium do?
- Finish the job.
- [Bobby] There you go.
- Got to go, over and out.
- Hey commando, it is time for lights-out.
- [Justin] Where's dad?
- He'll be home soon.
- Can I wait up for him?
- No, no, no, he could be very late.
- Well, where is he?
- He has a job out of town.
It's a long ride home.
Now, you go to sleep.
You will see your daddy in the morning.
- 'Night.
- 'Night.
♪ A merry Christmas and a happy new year ♪
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Oh, David, thank you.
- Read the card, read the card!
- "Here's to the merriest Christmas ever.
"Love, Santa."
Oh, honey, they're beautiful!
- Hey, you know.
I looked everywhere for
Justin's commando toy.
I can't find it, they're sold out.
- Oh don't worry, I'll look for it.
Tell me, tell me about the job.
- All right.
All right, all right,
here's the good news.
They want the job done by Christmas eve,
so I gotta start tomorrow.
- So soon?
- I got to get up at four in the morning
just to get there in time, but look.
Da-da-da.
(gasps)
- Look at this.
We can pay the mortgage,
insurance, some credit cards.
- Maybe even have a real Christmas.
- Oh, honey, this is so great.
- Now there is a little bit of bad news.
- Do I want to hear this?
- It's not that bad.
Just because of the deadline,
I think it's going to be
better if I stay up there.
You don't know how bad
the snow was tonight.
Took me three hours to get back here.
It's going to take me all
day tomorrow to get up there
if the pass is closed.
But don't worry.
I will be home in time for Christmas,
and I'll be a very real Santa.
- I'm just worried about Justin.
- He'll be fine, is he asleep?
- [Stephanie] Oh yeah.
- Of course he is, I didn't
realize how late it was.
I got to get to bed myself.
You know, I was thinking.
Justin is getting older,
and this could be the last Christmas
he actually believes in Santa Claus.
We got the old suit,
so maybe we should really do it up right.
You know, do something special for him.
- That sounds great.
Come on, let's get you to bed.
Your breakfast is ready.
- Where's dad?
- Your father had to leave
early this morning for work.
- What?
- Justin, daddy's going
to be working out of town
for a while.
- For how long?
- Well, he'll be back for Christmas,
and then we are going
to have a great time.
Now, grandpa will be here
when you get back from school, okay?
- Okay.
- You finish up, I've got to get going.
- [Justin] She told me he
would be working out of town
for a little while.
- Yeah, that's what they told me, too.
(clears throat)
- Good morning, Ms. Crumley.
- Good morning, Robert.
Now, class, I want you all to remember
that tomorrow is our last
day before winter break
and our class holiday party.
(class cheering)
All right, calm down.
And don't forget to bring a
wrapped gift for the grab bag.
Now, open your workbooks to page .
Who wants to start?
- Ooh, me, me!
Ooh, me, please, me!
- Yeah, sure, highway .
I got it, yeah.
Okay, who's next?
- That's me.
- Congratulations, Floyd.
You hit the big time,
the Mountainview mall.
- Indoors?
Finally, oh, yeah.
(phone ringing)
- Kringle.
Yeah, we do bar mitzvahs, sure.
♪ I can't believe in Christmas eve ♪
♪ My mama was kissing Santa ♪
♪ There's treats and toys ♪
♪ For the girls and boys in the world ♪
- Hey, Justin.
Cheer up, it's almost Christmas.
- [Stephanie] Hey.
♪ But all the while ♪
- Speak of the devil, here he is now.
It's your dad.
- Dad, dad, where are you?
When are you coming home?
- Whoa, slow down a
minute, buddy, how are you?
- I'm fine, but you got to come home.
- Daddy's working, Justin.
Didn't mommy tell you, I'll
be home in time for Christmas.
- But dad.
- Look, Jus, I'm sorry I didn't
get a chance to say goodbye
but I had to leave pretty early.
- But, dad, listen.
- I want you to do me a favor,
I want you to make me a promise.
- What?
- I want you to be the man
of the house while I'm gone.
I want you to take care of your mum.
- No, dad, you got to come home!
- Justin, you got to promise me.
I want you to be good to your mother,
and no more of this monkey
business, all right?
- [Man] Dave, we need your signature.
- Justin I want you to promise.
Are you there?
- [Justin] Yeah, but, dad.
- Alright, look buddy, I got to go.
I'll talk to you later,
and I love you, okay?
- Dad, dad!
- I got to go.
Bye bye.
- You okay, huh?
Hey, don't I get a hello, huh?
Okay, I know what will cheer you up.
Let's go.
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
♪ Down we now our gay apparel ♪
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
♪ Troll the ancient yuletide carol ♪
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
♪ See the blazing yule before us ♪
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
- You have to keep smiling, okay?
All the time, smiling at all costs.
Here's why, because Santa is jolly.
Think jolly thoughts.
Jolly, jolly, jolly, can you do that?
But if I catch you drinking,
or fraternizing with any of the elfettes,
you're out of here.
Now some of the children,
how should I put this?
You're gonna have to have a little.
You're gonna have to have a little
patience, okay, can you do that?
- Believe me, sir.
I'm going to be the
best Santa you ever had.
The last thing I want is
to be out in the cold.
- Okay, good, fine.
Okay, you're on.
Hey Santa.
Think jolly.
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Whoa, grandpa, Major Titanium!
- I thought you'd like that.
But it looks like we're
still a little early.
In the meantime, what do
you say we go see Santa?
- Yeah, let's go see Santa.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
Santa's village is now open.
Santa is in the building!
Santa is in the building!
- Merry Christmas, ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!
- How is it looking up in the crow's nest?
- All clear.
- Copy that.
Bring me some more
balloons, I'm running low.
- Roger, elf one.
- Merry Christmas, ho, ho, ho!
What's your name, little girl?
(girl crying)
- Do you know what you're
going to tell Santa?
- Yeah, I have a pretty good idea.
- Well, look, sport.
I have to get your mum a present.
I'll be right up there in that store.
When you're finished with Santa,
I'll meet you on the bridge, okay?
- Okay.
- Can you keep an eye on the little guy?
I'll be right back.
- Copy that.
- Thanks.
(girl whining)
- What would you like Santa
to bring you for Christmas,
little girl?
You know what you want for Christmas?
Okay, ho, ho, ho.
- That's a lemon meringue.
- Oh, lemon meringue.
How much is it?
- [Woman] ,.
- Merry Christmas, merry Christmas!
Merry, how am I doing?
Merry Christmas, ho, ho, ho!
- Attention shoppers!
Attention all shoppers!
Santa is a dirty rat, he's
cheating on Mrs. Claus!
- It's that kid!
- Boycott Santa!
Don't leave him any milk and cookies!
He's a homewrecker!
- I'm not really.
- Can I have that?
Thanks.
- Kid, come over here.
I don't--
(rock music)
Come here, little boy!
Pardon me, merry Christmas.
Down here!
- Whoa, it's you!
- Hey, kid.
- At your command, sir.
- Merry Christmas, kid.
Er, at ease.
Look, kid, I got to go.
I'm late, see you.
- Wait, major, sir!
You're a superhero, I need some help.
You see, I have a situation at home
and I just don't want to name
names 'cause that's telling
but let's just say--
Wait, major, sir!
My point is, I'm in a fix.
Remember the time you were being att*cked
by the giant mutant death drone?
Well, I need to know how you
patched the plasma cannon
to the force field and
defended the station.
- Look, I'm really sorry
to disappoint you, kid,
but I'm not the real Major Titanium.
I'm one of his soldiers, commandos.
There's hundreds of us defending malls
and toy stores all over the US.
- If you're not the real
major, then where is he?
- Where he belongs, son.
Up there.
Defending the universe.
Hey, you'll be all right, kid.
Hang in there, stay tough.
- But major, sir, or whoever
you are, what should I do?
- Just remember, finish the job!
- Got to go!
- There he is.
Come on, we got him!
- Look out!
Stay here, kid.
- There you are.
Did you tell Santa what you want?
- I think he got the message.
- Well, then should we
go see Major Titanium?
- You know, grandpa, it's
not really Major Titanium.
It's just one of his commandos.
We can go home.
- [Grandpa] Okay, then.
- Santa, are you okay?
- Yeah, thanks, I think so.
- Good, because you're fired!
Get out of here!
Go, be gone!
Go, go, go, go!
It's so hard to get a
good Santa these days.
- Yes, that sounds great, thank you.
Okay.
And merry Christmas to you, too.
Bye.
- Well?
- They made me an offer.
- Oh, you go, girl!
- I don't know, though, a toy company?
- Oh, you'll be great,
what does David think?
- He thinks it's great.
It's a raise.
- Well, there you go.
- And they said I can
hire my own assistant.
You wouldn't happen to know anybody
that would be interested, do you?
- Are you kidding?
When do we start?
- So, how was the mall today?
- Crowded.
- Did you see Santa?
- Yeah.
- Well, I've got some good news.
- What's that?
- I have a new job.
With a raise.
- That's my girl, where?
- Joyco toy company.
- A toy company?
- That's right, creating toys.
I think we're going to
be doing a lot of work
for Santa Claus.
- Working with Santa, what
do you think of that, sport?
What's that all about?
- I don't know.
I don't know what has
gotten into him lately.
Did he behave today at the mall?
- Sure.
- Nothing, nothing out of the ordinary?
- Now that you mention it,
he first seemed excited to meet that
captain, colonel, Titan fella.
But then, he lost interest.
- Do you think maybe
he doesn't believe in Santa Claus anymore?
- Well, he saw Santa.
He didn't say anything about that.
- I wonder if that's it.
Any luck getting that
commando toy he wants so much?
- Sold out.
The salesman just laughed at me.
(cheerful music)
- I'm telling you, it's
this kid, he's stalking me.
- Look, you're a Santa Claus.
You have to deal with kids,
it's in your job description.
If you can't handle that,
I'll find somebody who can.
- I can handle it, I can handle kids.
It's just this one kid,
he's a public menace.
Please, Sidney.
Sidney, give me one more chance, Sid.
I won't blow it, I promise.
- Ready?
Last day of school before
winter break, you excited?
This is the grab bag gift
for the Christmas party.
Why don't you wait for me to get my purse?
We can leave together.
Where's your jacket?
- One at a time, children, one at a time.
- Your mum working with Santa?
Dude, you are going to be so connected.
- I don't want to be connected.
Maybe being bad isn't good enough.
- Your mum and dad have been good.
So Santa's going to come no matter what.
Being bad just means
you won't get anything,
except for maybe coal in your stocking.
- I need to keep him away from my house
until my dad gets back.
There has to be a way I can keep him
from landing on my roof.
- Santa doesn't land on the roof,
he lands on the front yard.
- How do you know?
- My dad told me, our
roofs are too slanted.
His sleigh would tip over
if he parked it up there.
- Who brought this?
- [Santa] Ho, ho, ho!
- Now who could that be?
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Why, it's Santa.
- Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
- Justin!
- Yeah, just a minute.
Steph, Stephanie.
It's Justin's principal.
- Oh, no, not again.
Mr. Hoke?
What is it this time?
Grandpa is going to come pick you up.
- Is everything okay?
- Please take him directly home.
And be informed that he is
grounded until further notice.
- That's serious.
- Yes, it is serious.
Assaulting Santa is no laughing matter.
- Of course not.
- I will see you later.
Thanks, dad.
- Come on, Justin, your
mum has to get to work.
- Irwin?
Irwin Matthews?
- Yes?
- Hi, it's me, Betty
Crumley, from Griffith High.
Donna's little sister.
- Betty Crumley, is that really you?
You haven't changed a lick.
- Neither have you.
- [Announcer] Good for bicycle riding,
or defending the galaxy.
Armor and weaponry sold separately.
Batteries not included.
And remember, commandos, finish the job!
- Hey, partner.
- [Host] Welcome back to what's new--
- You know, you got your
mum and dad all worried.
You got something on your
mind you want to share?
Sometimes, it feels better
to get things off your chest.
- It's Santa, him and mum.
He's trying to steal her away from dad!
- What?
- I saw them together.
Getting all mushy, I have
a picture and everything.
- A picture?
Let's see it.
- I sent it to Mrs. Claus.
- I think Santa was just being friendly.
- She's been getting phone
calls, and flowers and stuff.
He even got her a new job.
- Listen, Justin.
I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.
Santa is a stand-up guy.
He wouldn't do anything bad.
You'll see when he comes at Christmas.
Everything is going to be just fine.
- No, you have to believe me.
- I do believe you but I know Santa.
And he's okay.
You're going to have to
trust me on this, okay?
I can't hear you.
- Okay.
- Oh, David, tomorrow is Christmas eve!
- Don't worry, honey, I'll
home with plenty of time.
We're going to work through the night.
I should be on the road
by mid-afternoon tomorrow.
- I was hoping you'd make it home tonight.
Justin got in trouble again today.
I think he misses you.
- I miss him, too.
Hey, did you find that present?
- No, it is sold out everywhere!
- I'll check at Ridgecrest
on my way home then.
- No, no, honey, you just get home.
Dad said he'll take a look around.
You call me tomorrow.
- All right, I love you.
- Hold on, hold on, here's Justin.
Here, it's daddy.
- Dad, when are you coming home?
- Hey, buddy, tomorrow night, I promise.
- But, dad, that's Christmas eve!
- I know, but bud, I got
to finish the job, right?
- Dad, you need to get here
before Santa gets here.
- Don't you worry.
I'll be home long before
Santa ever gets there.
- You promise?
- Of course I do.
- You have to sign this.
- All right, buddy, I got to go.
I love you.
I'll see you tomorrow night.
Bye bye.
- Justin, he'll be home tomorrow.
(sighs)
Hey.
Do you want to make cookies?
- Sure.
- Let's do that.
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
- Thank you, thank you
very much, merry Christmas.
You got a merry Christmas.
I wish I could stay and celebrate with you
but I've got a long ride home.
Great work, great work.
God bless you.
All right, bye-bye.
♪ For Christmas and a happy new year ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy new year ♪
- Hey.
- [Radio Announcer] With our
special holiday forecast.
- [Weatherman] Well, it looks like
we're in for a white Christmas after all.
Expect two to three inches in the valley
with substantially more
in the higher elevations.
May cause some flight
delays, but don't worry,
because our report from the North Pole
says Santa's clear for takeoff.
♪ Santa's kissing Mama ♪
♪ I don't know what I'm gonna do ♪
♪ Santa's kissing Mama ♪
(country music)
♪ I sit here watching it snow ♪
♪ Look at it blow around
the ol' pine trees ♪
♪ It's that time of year,
when everyone's dear to me ♪
♪ Come on, let's go for a walk ♪
♪ Giggle and talk 'bout
what Santa's bringing me ♪
♪ It's that time of the year,
when everyone's dear to me. ♪
- Okay, we're closing this down.
Flares, here, here, here.
Pull that truck out of
there, get that out.
Yo, hey, hey, hold it up.
Howdy.
- Hey, what's up?
- We got heavy snow up in the pass.
We're closing the road down.
- I think I can get through there.
I got four wheel drive, I got chains.
I've got to get home to
my wife and kid, officer.
- Sorry, sir, it's just too dangerous.
I don't want to get in the habit
of making widows and orphans
on Christmas eve, you know.
Best thing you can do is get home safe.
So turn this around, and
have a merry Christmas.
Hey, hold up, turn this baby around.
(doorbell rings)
- Ah, it's the mailman.
- Hello, merry Christmas, Mrs. Carver.
- Merry Christmas, Hank.
- Hey, I wanted to give you these.
Normally, we keep them at the post office.
- What are they?
- Letters to Santa from your little boy.
And there's even one for Mrs. Claus.
- Hank, how thoughtful, thank you so much.
(phone rings)
- I'll let you get that,
merry Christmas now.
- Okay, thank you, merry Christmas, Hank.
Hello?
- Honey, hi.
- David?
Hello, you're breaking up.
- Listen, it's snowing pretty hard.
They got the pass closed.
They're going to make me
go the long way around,
so I might be a little
- No, no if it's that bad,
I don't want you driving.
Just stay in a motel, you
can drive home tomorrow.
- Wait, what?
Steph, I'm sorry, I can't
hear you, you're breaking up.
- I said, don't come home.
Stay in a motel.
- Look, Steph, let me
see how far I can get.
If worse comes to worse,
I can stay in a motel in Springfield.
Steph?
- Hello, David?
Hello?
Looks like daddy is stuck in snow.
I don't ink he's going
to make it home tonight.
(busy signal)
- Great.
- [Titanium] Finish the job.
- Where do you want these, Sherif?
- Over here, over there by the shoulder.
- Justin, you okay?
- Can I go outside?
- No, you are grounded.
- Please?
- You know the rules.
- It's not fair.
Grounded on Christmas eve.
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Do do do do do do, yeah ♪
♪ Jingling all the way ♪
♪ Do do do, do do do, yeah ♪
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell ♪
♪ Dashing through the snow
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Over the fields we go
laughing all the way ♪
♪ Slipping and sliding ♪
♪ Bells on bobtails ring
making spirits bright ♪
♪ What fun it is to ride and
sing a sleighing song tonight ♪
♪ Everybody sing ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle
bells jingle all the way ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Everybody ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle
bells jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪
- [Radio] Travel advisory still in effect
for most of the state.
Many roads remain closed due
to the snow at this hour,
so expect delays well into the night.
♪ A day or two ago
thought I'd take a ride ♪
♪ Soon Miss Maggie May was
sitting right by my side ♪
♪ The horse was lean and strong
didn't want to take it slow ♪
♪ It didn't matter how
we pulled the reins ♪
♪ He went as fast as he could go ♪
♪ Everybody sing ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle
bells jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Sing it again ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle
bells jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Do do do do, do do do do
do do do do, do do do do ♪
♪ Come on, Dancer, come on, come on ♪
♪ Come on, Prancer, come on, Cupid ♪
♪ Come on, Blitzen ♪
♪ And run, run, Rudolph
jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
- Justin?
(sighs)
There you are.
- I brought Santa cookies.
- Good idea but if you
don't get up to bed,
Santa is never going to get here.
- Yeah.
- I'll be up in a bit.
You are one special kid.
- Whoa!
Get off, what is this?
Where did this come from?
Get away, get off me.
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho.
Ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas to one and all!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, boys and girls.
Aw, jeesh!
(groaning)
(beeping)
Wet, wet.
It's cold, turn it off!
(yelling)
Help me!
Oh!
Help!
Oh, honey, honey help me, get me down!
Get me down, get me down.
Watch it, watch it.
Careful, careful, careful.
Careful, slowly, slowly, slowly.
That's my head.
Ow!
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- Yes, I told you to stay away, fatso.
- No, Justin, it's okay.
Are you all right?
- Stay away from him,
mum, he's a dirty rat.
You're married to dad.
- Justin.
- Dad?
You're Santa?
- Yes, Justin.
Daddy is Santa Claus.
- Wait, Steph, he doesn't have to know.
- No, David, we have
to tell him the truth.
Justin.
Justin, the Santa you saw kissing mommy,
the one in the picture,
that wasn't really Santa.
That was daddy.
Daddy dressed like Santa.
- That's right, buddy.
Look, it's been me all along.
I'm like Santa's helper.
And I'm wet and I'm cold.
- So let's go inside, come on.
- I'm freezing.
It does look pretty incriminating, huh?
- I just wish you would
have come to us sooner.
- I tried at school but then
dad called on the cell phone,
and you called him Santa.
- Oh, yes.
I'm glad we got this straightened out.
But you know what, guys?
It is getting late.
- Yeah, time to hit the sack, buddy.
- Okay, good night.
- Let's go.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
I'll be up in a minute.
Oh!
Hot, hot!
(bells jingling)
- Ho, ho, ho!
(laughing)
That's going to leave a mark.
Ho ho ho!
Let's see.
Oh, that's nice.
- Mum, dad.
Mum, dad.
(Santa laughing)
- [Santa] Where to next?
Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night.
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
- Whoa!
Mum, dad, look what Santa brought.
- You found his toy?
- No, I didn't have time
to stop on the way home.
You mean, you didn't?
- No.
(laser effects)
- Come on.
- No.
- Come on.
(doorbell rings)
- Oh, hi.
- Merry Christmas.
- Welcome.
- Merry Christmas.
- Feliz navidad.
- The house looks beautiful.
- Smells great.
- Thanks, sweetie.
- You and Sal?
- Yeah.
Football is not that bad,
once you get to know it.
- I knew you'd come around.
(doorbell rings)
Dad, merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
- Ms. Crumley.
- Merry Christmas.
Please, call me Betty.
- Okay, thank you, go on in.
- Dad?
- Yeah.
I feel terrible.
I couldn't find that
commando toy anywhere.
- What are you talking about?
- You know, the toy Justin wanted so much.
- You didn't drop it by last night?
- What, no.
- Grandpa, grandpa.
- Hey, look at you, commando.
- Hey, Irwin, Christmas!
(doorbell rings)
- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!
- Justin!
- Bobby.
- Oh come in, come in, come in.
So glad you stopped by.
- We just wanted to stop by
and drop off this fruitcake.
- You shouldn't have.
- And we also wanted to let you know
that Marie and I have
decided to work things out.
- We're going to see a counselor.
- I am so happy to hear that.
Please, please, come
in, have some egg nog.
- Did Santa give you
everything you wanted?
- You bet.
- See, being good has got its advantages.
- Yeah, and it wasn't
as hard as I thought.
- Job complete, operation successful.
- Come on, let's go blast some mutants.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, honey.
- [Justin] Hey, Bobby,
Santa does land on the roof.
- [Bobby] How do you know?
- [Justin] Trust me, I just know.
(doorbell rings)
- Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas.
- Oh, merry Christmas.
We're out taking holiday
contributions for the--
No, not you.
No, no!
Ow!
♪ Well, it was late Christmas eve ♪
♪ And I just couldn't sleep ♪
♪ It's not the same all alone ♪
♪ Thinking of you back at home ♪
♪ Them I heard someone say ♪
♪ Hey, boy, jump on my sleigh ♪
♪ Well, rock, Santa, rock ♪
♪ Yeah, roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ Giddyup, Rudolph, don't be slow ♪
♪ You got to rock, Santa, rock ♪
♪ Yeah, roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ I'm coming home for
Christmas so let's go, yeah ♪
♪ It was a cold, frosty night ♪
♪ Not a star in the sky ♪
♪ And the snow all around ♪
♪ Listen for the sound
of bells in the air ♪
♪ Yeah, it's Christmas everywhere ♪
♪ Come on and rock, Santa, rock ♪
♪ Yeah, roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ Giddyup, Rudolph, don't be slow ♪
♪ You got to rock, Santa, rock ♪
♪ Yeah, roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ I'm coming home for
Christmas so let's go man go ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Rock ♪
♪ Leave a present by the tree ♪
♪ A bunch of cookies out for me ♪
♪ We'll take a drink by the fire ♪
♪ Baby, close your eyes ♪
♪ It's just a land of dreams and wishes ♪
♪ Hey, Santa, thanks a million ♪
♪ Well, rock, Santa, rock ♪
♪ Yeah, roll, Santa, roll ♪
♪ Giddyup, Rudolph, don't be slow ♪
♪ You got to rock, Santa, rock ♪
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (2001)
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