WOMAN: You better write your letter
now and mail it right away
because he's getting ready,
his reindeers and his sleigh.
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming
To town
Santa Claus
Is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming
To town
He's making a list
And checking it twice
He's gonna find out
Who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming
To town
Santa Claus
Is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming
To town
He sees
When you are sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been
Bad or good
So be good
For goodness sake!
Oh! You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming
To town
Santa Claus
Is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming
To town
RATS [SINGING]:
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy--
MAILMAN:
Step aside, folks.
- Mail coming through.
RAT: My antlers.
Wow. Christmas Eve day
and still no snow.
- I was hoping for a white Christmas.
- Mmm. Me too.
Remember, mon chéri,
we will have a white Christmas.
On the white sand beaches
of the Caribbean.
- Right.
- If we ever get out of this line.
We're going to miss our flight.
How hard is it to mail a letter?
Lick the stamp and move!
Now, Piggy, we have to be patient,
just like everybody else.
[PIGGY GROANS]
I'm going to have to talk
to the mayor about this.
- What?
- Yes, Miss Piggy?
Hmm? Oh, Mayor Bloomberg,
take me to the front of this line.
Miss Piggy, that would be rude,
and the one thing New Yorkers
are known for is being polite.
KERMIT:
Hmm.
What has he done to this city?
Well, look at it like this: At least we get to
spend a little more time with our friends.
After all, this will be the first Christmas
we've ever spent apart.
I know. It sure would have been nice
to spend the holiday together.
Is this line even moving?
Piggy, come on,
this is the best time of the year.
We should just slow down and enjoy it.
[SINGING]
You blink twice and the year's gone by
I started thinking
There's gotta be a reason
Why would time wanna learn to fly?
To get you quicker
To your favorite season
Starting around Thanksgiving
Count the ways we're blessed
Suddenly the world's out shopping
It brings out our best
Hey, give it up for the folks in gray
Some applause for the postal service
Tough enough for the Christmas rush
Always cheerful in the ways they serve us
Snow nor sleet nor frozen feet
Will cause this g*ng to fail
Our goal is pure, we're making sure
That Santa gets his mail
KERMIT: Come on, guys.
FOZZIE: Yeah.
GONZO: Wow.
RAT: Watch it. Watch it, Ralph.
We're ruining the musical number.
We're ruining the musical number.
ALL:
Ooh, we're delivering dreams
Ooh, we're delivering Christmas
What kind of post office is this?
[KERMIT LAUGHS]
Ooh, we're delivering dreams
Ooh, we're delivering Christmas
Hey, come on, guys. Let's go.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
We're delivering--
You guys wanna help?
ALL:
Sure.
Come around.
[PIGGY SIGHS]
FOZZIE: Gonzo, give him Claire's letter.
- Here's a letter for Santa.
Gonzo, are you pulling my tail?
Do you actually think Santa Claus
is going to read those letters?
- Yeah.
- Pepe, don't you believe in Santa?
Ha-ha! If you believe in Santa,
then I believe--
- That you're out of your mind.
- Yeah.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Pick it up, gotta b*at the clock
Pick it up because the pressure's on us
Letters flying around the world
Little ones are depending on us
Christmas is approaching fast
We all have parts to play
In making sure that you wake up
To that perfect Christmas Day
ALL:
Ooh, we're delivering Christmas
Ooh, we're delivering dreams
That time of year again
When Christmas joy
Ignites the hopes and dreams
Of every girl and boy
PIGGY:
Whoo!
We made the world a promise
There's nothing we won't do
We're here to make
Your Christmas wish come true
I've got a wish for you.
Stop singing and get me out of here.
ALL:
Gotta b*at the clock
Let's see. Uh...
Huh. Oh!
Here's a way to pick things up.
Let's see how fast
this little baby will go.
Gonzo, no.
- Come on, Kermit, pick it up.
- Pick it up, Fozzie. Pick it up. Come on.
[GONZO GRUNTS]
This post office is going postal.
Come on, Fozzie. We have to go faster.
Faster over there. Come on.
Here we go. Ah! Ah! Ah!
All right,
I think my scarf is stuck in the belt.
Somebody grab my feet.
MONSTER:
Help, how can we save this--?
I'll save you. Whoa!
Kermie.
- Hang on, Kermit!
- Mr. Bear. Mr. Bear. Ma'am, could you--?
- I gotta try this.
MONSTER: No-- Um-- Um--
- Whoo!
- Um, excuse me.
[RATTLING]
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
Now that's what I call
a Christmas rush.
[GRUNTING]
Uh, sorry about that.
You need some help cleaning up?
Yeah, and I know just where to start.
GONZO:
Uh-oh!
[TIRES SCREECH]
PEPE:
You're stepping on my head.
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
Hey, look what the postman
just dropped off.
Return to sender.
KERMIT: Come on, guys.
PEPE: No, everything's a big joke, okay?
Very funny.
That didn't go so well.
- These stickers are really sticky.
KERMIT: Yeah.
-Oh, hey, Gonzo.
-Oh, hi, Claire.
- Did you mail my letter?
- All taken care of.
- Okay, good.
ALL: Hi, Claire's mom.
- Hi.
- Guys.
- Look what I found.
- What's that?
Oh, it's an inflatable Santa.
Can someone help me blow it up?
Did somebody say, "Blow it up"?
- Ha-ha-ha!
KERMIT: Oh, no.
[ALL COUGHING]
And that is why you need
to choose your words wisely.
RIZZO:
Oh, I hate when he does that.
Oh, hey, Gonzo.
Would you and your friends like
to come over for Christmas dinner?
- We'd love to.
- Oh!
- But we can't.
- Oh.
We're all going away on vacation.
- Oh.
- Oh.
It seems like all my friends
are going away for the holidays.
Yep. Well, it's that time of year.
Well, since I'm not gonna see you,
merry Christmas.
GONZO:
You too. Air kiss.
[GONZO LAUGHS]
Bye, Gonzo.
Sweetie, Christmas will be fun.
We're gonna be together.
- Let's go in and blow up this Santa.
- Okay.
[MUPPETS CHATTERING]
FOZZIE:
Real leaves too.
Might as well take this thing off.
Get everything in here.
Ahem. Wait a minute.
What are these doing in here?
Gonzo, did you forget
to mail your letters?
Well, these aren't mine.
"To Santa, North Pole."
These are all letters for Santa.
- Well, how did they get in there?
- It must have happened at the post office.
Why? What happened at the po--?
Oh, right.
Wait a minute. This one's from Claire.
- I told her I'd mail it for her.
- Well, that's okay, Gonzo.
Just take them back down
to the post office and mail them.
Oh, yeah, okay.
- Sure.
- Yeah, I'll go with you, Gonzo.
- All right. Let's go.
- Okay, see you later.
You are so smart.
Heh-heh. Thanks, Fozzie.
FOZZIE:
"Closing early on Christmas Eve."
[BOTH GASP]
- Huh?
- They're already closed?
We're too late.
Oh, no.
These letters will never get there now.
I wonder what the kids wished for.
Maybe we should open the letters
and see what they say.
- Yes.
- Whoa, whoa. Gentlemen. Gentlemen.
You cannot do that.
Let this serve as a reminder to us all.
Opening mail that does not belong to you
is a federal offense.
You could go to prison.
- Thank you.
- Oh.
Oh. I guess he's right.
And even worse,
if Santa finds out we read his mail,
he might put us on his naughty list.
What are we gonna do?
Tonight is Christmas Eve.
[BOTH GASP]
Listen, guys, I'm sure
there must be some other way
to get these letters
to Santa in time, so...
Santa? Letters to Santa? Ha-ha-ha.
Okay, do you know what?
I will help you, okay?
What is Santa's e-mail?
Oh, let me guess. Let me guess.
Jollyfatman@completelymadeup.com.
[PEPE LAUGHS]
Yeah, well, listen, I'm not sure Santa
actually uses the Internet, so...
BUNSEN:
Oh, I can assure you he doesn't.
- What?
- Huh?
I said, I can assure you he doesn't.
With the magnetic interference
from the aurora borealis,
also known as the northern lights,
it would be most impossible for Santa
to set up a wireless network.
But don't worry, because if you
can't get Santa to grant your wish,
we at Muppet Labs can.
ALL:
Hmm.
Allow us to demonstrate.
[BEAKER WHIMPERING]
Beaker here is wearing
our patented Wish-Granter .
All he has to do is wish for something
with all his heart
and it will immediately come true.
ALL: Mm-hm.
- Beaker, go ahead and make your wish.
Oh, uh...
[BEAKER MURMURING]
[ALL CLAMORING]
BEAKER:
Whoo-wee!
- Wow-wee.
BUNSEN: As you can see,
it works perfectly.
And so now, Beaker, if you will,
please make another wish
to send this young lady back home.
Mm-mm! Uh-uh!
Beaker, there's no time for diversions.
Please send her home.
[MURMURS]
FOZZIE: Wow.
GONZO: Huh?
Um, it appears that Beaker
has gotten a little carried away
and he has carried away, unfortunately,
the Wish-Granter with him.
So, um...
I guess that's lunch for me.
But--
Well, that almost worked.
Kermit, what am I gonna do?
I mean, I don't wanna tell Claire
that I messed up.
She was counting on me.
Oh, don't worry, Gonzo.
We'll do everything we can to help her.
Guys, any ideas?
Hey, Kermit, maybe if we search around,
we can find someone to help us.
Good idea.
And I know just where to look.
A luxury spa in the Caribbean.
Come on, Kermie. Let's go.
Piggy, I can't leave just yet.
Of course you can.
I already called for a car.
Piggy, what about helping Claire?
- You know?
- Yeah.
- What about helping those kids?
- Yeah.
- What about doing what's right?
- Yeah.
Yes, but-- But-- But--
- What about me?
- Well...
[PIGGY SCOFFS]
Men. Huh!
Piggy, wait. Oof.
We're on the job, chief.
No need to get bent out of shape.
Too late.
Are you sure these guys can really get
letters to Santa before he leaves tonight?
Well, none of the other delivery services
can get up there in time.
- These guys say they can, right?
- Absolutely.
I'm a carrier pigeon.
I can carry anything, anytime, anywhere.
Except during hunting season.
I am not letting you become
somebody's lunch.
Will you stop with your worrying?
This is why you should never marry
a pigeon.
All she does is peck, peck-peck,
peck-peck, peck-peck.
Oh, I will give you such a peck.
Now, where are these letters going?
- To the North Pole.
- Yeah, do you know how to get there?
Heh-heh. Of course I do.
When have you ever flown
to the North Pole?
How hard it can it be?
You just fly north.
WIFE: But what about the weather?
I mean, it's freezing up there.
You could catch your death.
You could catch the bird flu.
Will you two be quiet?
I can't hear my show.
WIFE: Squawking?
- This wasn't such a great idea after all.
- Yeah.
- We better go.
- Thank you.
FOZZIE: Thank you.
WIFE: You always squelch my ideas.
- Look, look, there they go.
There's another gone customer.
Mom, Dad,
I am trying to watch my show.
- Forgive me for trying to keep you safe.
- You're keeping us broke.
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
So tell me why we're doing this again.
Because I am tired of this whole
letters-to-Santa problems, all right?
- Yeah.
- I want this problem to go away.
And these guys
can make the problems go away.
- So just stay here.
- Yeah.
- I'll talk to them.
- Okay, you got it.
- Oh, uh, good luck.
- Gracias.
So the mother turns and says,
"That's all right, Johnny. Use your hat."
[LAUGHING]
Don Fra Diavolo sends his regards.
Oh, jeez.
It's that annoying shrimp
that called us earlier.
They call me the prawn.
Oh!
Are you correcting my friend?
Because I swear, if you get out of line,
I'll dip you in cocktail sauce
and bite your tasty little head off.
Um, shrimp is fine. Shrimp is fine.
That's more like it.
Now tell him the good news.
We made a few calls.
I found a guy who knows a guy
whose cousin knows a guy
who knows the cousin of a guy
that could get those letters
to the North Pole tonight.
[GASPS]
Are you busting my shells?
Would I joke about letters
to Santa Claus?
I ain't getting on no naughty list.
We're gonna take care of this.
But you better not tell anybody it was us
who helped you, capiche?
We won't tell nobody.
- Hey!
- Oh, a rat!
- We don't talk to no rat.
RIZZO: What?
Rule number one, never trust a rat.
- Now get out of here.
RIZZO: All right, okay, okay.
And we better not see you two
around here again
or you're gonna sleep with the fishes.
Oh, I already do. Heh-heh.
[SCREAMS]
Enough of that.
Let's just sit and enjoy our meal.
What kind of pizza is this?
Ooh, this is a "Swedie pizzie."
- How many times I gotta tell you?
- Huh?
- Italian restaurant, Italian food.
- Oh.
Hey, guys, I started a website
so people could post suggestions
on how to deliver those letters.
KERMIT: Oh, good.
GONZO: Hey, that's great.
Yeah, hey, anybody logged on?
No, haven't gotten a single hit yet.
[ANIMAL YELLING]
JANICE: Bummer.
- Ah, ha-ha-ha.
- Well, there's our first hit.
KERMIT: Yeah.
[ALL SIGH]
You know, folks, I don't think
we're having any real luck here.
I'm not sure what we can do
to help these kids.
Well, hey, you know what?
We gave it our best sh*t, right?
- How about we eat? Come on, let's go.
FLOYD: Ooh, I'm already there.
DR. TEETH: Come on. Sounds good.
- That didn't help. Jeez.
Hey, wait a minute. I have an idea.
We could deliver
those letters ourselves.
You know Santa?
Well, no,
but we all know where he lives.
All we have to do
is go to the North Pole.
Well, that's a very interesting idea, Gonzo,
but I think it might be a little--
PEPE:
Nuts?
- Anyone want--?
- I'll have one.
- Don't forget your friends.
- Oh, sorry. Here you go.
But, Kermit,
you said that you would do everything
you could to help those people.
- You did say that, Kermit.
- I know. Yeah.
But before he said that,
he said that we were going to
spend the holidays in the Caribbean.
Well--
- You did say that too, Kermit.
- Stop helping, Fozzie.
- Yes, sir.
- Guess I--
If you really think
you should go to the North Pole,
then I want you to go.
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
- And when you get there,
- Yeah?
stay there!
KERMIT:
But, Piggy.
Piggy, it's not that I don't wanna
spend the holidays with you.
Then you know where
you can find me. Hmph!
ZOOT:
Whoa!
Watch it. Watch it. Move it.
Wild boar coming through.
Wild boar coming through.
Uh, sorry, Kermit.
I think we're gonna take Piggy's lead
and head out on our vacation.
I'm all about far out
but the Pole is way too cold.
For sure.
- Okay.
- Well, uh--
Well, sorry, Gonzo.
I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
KERMIT:
Hmm.
PEPE: And, well, you know,
we would love to go to the North Pole
and see the Santa Claus but--
But our flying unicorns are in the shop.
[LAUGHING]
PEPE: That's very funny.
KERMIT: Right.
PEPE: The flying unicorn in the shop.
KERMIT: Very sensitive.
PEPE:
Because a unicorn is not real.
RIZZO:
Yeah, but they don't go to shops either.
I just--
I don't think we can fix this, Gonzo.
I'm sorry.
We tried.
Well... Hmm.
I know it's a crazy idea.
But you guys don't wanna just give up,
do you?
I mean, come on.
[SINGING]
What's in your heart?
What's in your heart?
That quiet place
Where the good guy lives
And the best intentions start
What's in your heart?
You know, Gonzo,
I don't think I can enjoy the holidays
knowing I let those kids down.
Me neither.
You mean, we're going?
- We're going to the North Pole.
- Wow!
It may not be easy, guys,
but we have to try.
If we're gonna get there by tonight,
we better get moving.
Well, then let's get going.
We're traveling fast
- We're traveling light
- Yeah.
Our merry mission hits the road tonight
A Santa celebration and a journey
That's all about heart
ALL:
What's in your heart?
We know where to go
To get the job done
A place of business
Near the midnight sun
And Santa's gonna help us
When we find him
He's all about heart
These guys are crazy, all right.
I know. We can't miss this train wreck.
Come on.
ALL:
Sharing in our one goal
Knowing there is pleasure
In a job done right
Giving it our best sh*t
Working for the tiny tots
What I get for Christmas
Is my first frostbite
I can't believe this.
It's unbelievable, okay?
KERMIT: I'm certain that luck
Will be on our side
Hang on, it's gonna be a bumpy ride
We're hoping for another happy ending
It's all about heart
ALL:
It's all about heart
What's in your heart?
[TIRES SCREECH]
[CAR HORN HONKS]
So I know what's in your heart.
Tell me what's in your wallets,
because you owe me . .
[ALL GASP]
PEPE: What are you, nuts?
RIZZO: Talk to the frog.
Anybody got any money?
Check your pockets.
PEPE: I got some cashews.
- Give us a minute.
FOZZIE:
There's some change here in the seat.
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Francis Osmont.
Mr. Francis Osmont.
MAN:
Thank you for flying Sky Smiles--
Okay, guys. If we're gonna get
to the North Pole tonight,
- we have to find an airline.
- Okay.
So do you know an airline that flies
to the North Pole? Because I don't.
Oh, what about that one?
PEPE:
"North Pole Airlines"?
You gotta be kidding me.
Ah. How convenient.
For people who wanna go
to the North Pole. Ha-ha-ha.
Okay, come on, guys.
See if we can get some help here.
Gee, doesn't seem to be anybody here.
- Hello. Anybody here?
- Hello.
- Hello?
- Hi.
[ALL GASP]
Welcome to North Pole Airlines.
We have more flights going
to the North Pole than any other airline.
One.
- Ah.
- Oh, good.
- Can we get on the next flight?
JOY: Mm-hm.
- Ooh. But you're gonna have to hurry.
- Yeah, sure, absolutely.
- Can I have your name, please?
- I'm Pepe.
All right, well, it's--
It's Kermit the Frog and friends.
- Kermit the Frog.
KERMIT: Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
I'm Joy, the ticket agent.
Hi, Joy, the ticket agent.
- Hi, Joy.
- Hi.
Hey, candy cane?
- Okay.
- Well, actually, Joy, no--
No, thank you. We just really need
to get the tickets if we can.
You're all business.
You know, I like that in a frog.
- Have a nice flight.
- Thank you very much.
- Come on, guys. Let's go. Come on.
- Bye.
- You okay?
PEPE: Great.
Come on.
Bye.
- Oh, come on, Pepe. Let's go.
- I'm coming, I'm coming
RIZZO:
Hey, hold up there.
Hey, listen. Pepe, it says all your
electronic devices must go in the bin.
- All of them?
- All of them.
- Ay-yi-yi. Okay, BlackBerry.
- Hmm? Check.
- Blueberry.
- Check.
- Raspberry.
- Mm-hm.
- Halle Berry.
- Ooh, nice.
[KISSES]
- Ha-ha-ha! Okay, help me with this thing.
- All right.
[RIZZO GRUNTING]
- Hey, bear.
- Yes, Frank?
Uh, Officer Meany.
- Check out those creeps at o'clock.
- Hmm.
KERMIT: Everybody got your tickets?
MEANY: I don't know what it is,
but they just rub me the wrong way.
Oh, well, let's work that out a little bit.
- Let me see what we got here.
- What are you doing?
I'm rubbing you the right way.
You're very tense, Frank.
Would you stop that? Now come on.
- We gotta keep an eye on them.
- Mm-hm.
GONZO:
Say cheese.
[BEEPING]
KERMIT: Where--? Where is Gonzo?
Gonzo, come on.
I'm sorry, but I haven't been
to the doctor in a while.
Did you see anything weird?
[BUZZES]
There's something unusual about them.
Roger that.
- What gate are we at?
- I think it's -B.
Guys, guys. I've got a funny one for you.
Who delivers Christmas presents
to baby sharks?
GONZO: Who cares.
- Santa Jaws. Wocka, wocka!
- Fozzie-- Come on, guys.
- We're in a hurry, Fozzie.
Okay, all right. Okay, hold it right there.
- What happened?
BEAR: Well, sir,
do you realize that it's a federal offense
to tell jokes at an airport security?
- Especially ones that are that bad.
KERMIT: What?
Oh, if you didn't like that one,
I got a million of them here.
- Yeah, how about this one?
- He's got cards! He's got cards!
- Aah!
- Oh, yeah. I got you now.
MEANY [OVER RADIO]: Bear?
- Hold on, guys. Hold on.
- Yes, sir?
- Bring them to the interrogation room.
- Uh, where?
- Ow.
The interrogation room.
- Where we had coffee and--
- It used to be the coffee room.
- The interrogation room.
- Not the coffee room.
- How many times have I told you that?
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Right away.
- Ow. Ow!
- All right, let's go, Yogi.
ALL [SINGING]:
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la
You know,
this is my favorite Christmas tradition.
- Listening to Christmas carolers?
- No. Heckling them.
[LAUGHING]
Hey. You should sing "Silent Night."
Not the song. Just stay silent all night.
[LAUGHING]
- Yeah, Vinnie?
MAN: Yeah, Frank?
- Prepare the cattle prods.
- Okay.
- Your highest voltage.
- Roger that.
RIZZO: Oh, boy.
- So tell me.
What were you all planning
on doing here today?
Oh, well, sir, we were flying
to the North Pole
to deliver letters to Santa.
FOZZIE: Yeah.
- Please! Ha.
Obvious cover for another operation.
What's that? Oh, I wasn't listening.
Hey, do I look fat in this picture?
- Yes, very.
FOZZIE: But, sir,
we really do have letters, gulp,
- for Santa Claus.
GONZO: Yeah.
Oh, come on. You don't really believe
in that silly stuff, do you?
Oh, now, now. Sir, remember,
you wrote a letter to Santa Claus.
- I thought I told you never to mention that!
- Okay.
- Never!
- Okay.
Officer, you wrote a letter to Santa?
- Yeah.
- Okay, sorry.
- When I was a little boy. All right?
- Yes, yes.
Yeah.
I asked Santa for the only thing I wanted
in the whole world.
A shiny new tricycle.
Shiny new tricycle.
With red ribbons on the handlebars.
And a little silver bell that went
ding-ding-ding.
Ding-ding-ding.
Ding-ding-ding.
Stop that.
[SNUFFLES]
But then Christmas morning came.
I ran down the stairs.
And guess what, there was no tricycle.
Wanna know why?
- We really kind of need to get moving.
- I'll tell you why!
- Yeah, yeah.
- Because I got put on--
[MUPPETS WHIMPERING]
I got put on the naughty list.
[ALL GASP]
Because I was a bully!
I picked on little shrimps like you.
- I'm a king prawn.
- Same thing.
[SNIFFS]
See? I scare everybody.
I'm the same bully now
that I was back then.
I guess I'll never change.
- Well, there's always time to change.
RIZZO: Yeah.
I mean, what if you did something
really nice right now?
GONZO: Yeah.
- What?
- Like let you go?
- Well, you could.
- Don't tell me what to do, frog.
- No, no, no.
- I give the orders around here.
- Absolutely.
And I'm telling you...
GONZO:
Okay.
...to get on that plane
and deliver these letters to Santa.
- Really?
- Quit dawdling and get out of here
- before I change my mind!
- Come on.
- Move! Move!
GONZO: Come on. Let's go.
- Don't forget these.
- Yes, sir.
I wanna see all of you on that plane!
- Excuse me.
- Wait a minute.
Where are you going?
Oh, you said, "Move, move, move.
I wanna see you on that plane."
Not you.
Not me? That's a shame.
KERMIT: Well, this is Gate
but there's nobody here.
Oh, Joy. Here's our tickets.
Oh, I'm sorry.
The plane has left the gate.
- Oh, no.
- But we need to get on that plane.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I have an idea.
This was her idea?
- What are we doing?
- We're winging it.
- Ha-ha-ha!
- That's not funny.
[ALL SCREAMING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
RIZZO:
I don't know if I can hold on any longer.
PEPE:
I don't know if I can scream any longer.
This is it. The North Pole.
We gotta jump now.
Jump? Are you kidding me?
GONZO:
Okay, one,
two, go.
[ALL SCREAMING]
PEPE:
That's it! That's it!
We're falling! This is it! Oh, my God.
[ALL SCREAMING]
[ALL GRUNTING]
PEPE:
Thank goodness I landed on your body.
KERMIT:
You okay, Fozzie?
FOZZIE: I think so. You?
KERMIT: Where's Gonzo?
[GONZO SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- Aah! Gonzo!
- Ah.
KERMIT:
Don't worry, Gonzo. I'll get you out.
Rizzo, look.
KERMIT:
Gonzo!
- FOZZIE: Hmm?
- What's Kermit doing?
Oh, he's trying to dig you out.
- You-- Oh! Gonzo.
- What?
Good grief.
RIZZO: My nose is frozen.
- Where the heck are we?
I'd-- I'd say we're at the North Pole.
GONZO: Oh, yeah.
FOZZIE: Ah. Oh, and look.
That must be Santa's workshop.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, my goodness.
FOZZIE: Come on. Come on.
PEPE: This is ridiculous, okay?
GONZO: Let's go, Pepe.
- Wait a minute. Where's my hat?
Ah.
RIZZO:
Yeah. Maybe he's got something to eat.
FOZZIE:
Wait up, guys.
PEPE:
Whoa. Santa got a pretty big house, okay?
RIZZO:
Well, he's a big guy.
Okay, this is it, guys. Come on.
[KNOCKS]
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
- Oh, merry Christmas.
- Are you one of Santa's elves?
You are very quick. He's very quick.
Yes, I am. I'm Santa's chief elf.
Sir, can you help us?
We have letters for Santa.
You should've thought about going to
the post office. Would've saved you time.
But I know this is kind of unusual, sir,
- but could we actually speak to Santa?
- Yes, you could.
- Oh, good.
- Terrific.
- Yeah, yeah.
- If he was here.
But he's not. You see, he already left.
You're too late.
- You-- You mean he's gone?
ELF: I'm sorry.
I wish I could help. I really do.
But I can't. Sorry.
But merry Christmas to one and to all.
And a good night for-- Uh-- Uh--
You know, you hear it every year.
You know how it goes.
It's the same old--
[DOOR SLAMS]
[GONZO GROANS]
Gee, I really thought
that if we came all this way,
that Santa would be able to help.
I thought so too.
I didn't.
I feel terrible.
Well, you know, Gonzo,
you did everything you could.
[GONZO SIGHS]
But what difference
does it make, Kermit?
Claire trusted me and I--
I let her down.
And now, there's nothing
I can do about it.
- Well, Gonzo--
- It's all right, Kermit.
I think I just wanna be alone.
[SINGING]
I wish I could be Santa Claus
For just one day
I'd fill a bag with kindness
And I'd give it all away
I'd make the world a better place
I'd do that if I could
I love the way it feels inside
When I do something good
I wish I could be Santa Claus
Imagine that
Although I could not fill his boots
I'd look great in his hat
I'd love the milk and cookies
And there's one more thing I'd do
I'd try to teach the kids to be
A little more like you
- We know that love
- We know that love
- Can bless the heart
- Can bless the heart
- When tears begin to fall
- When tears begin to fall
- We know that love
- We know that love
- Is the message of the season
- Is the message of the season
- The greatest gift
- The greatest gift
And, yes, one size fits all
I wish we could be Santa Claus
Perhaps we can
The job's about the giving
Not the suit and not the man
- It's all about the caring
- It's all about the caring
- And the part that we can play
- And the part that we can play
In spreading joy
And peace on earth
- And love on Christmas Day
- And love on Christmas Day
I wish I could be Santa Claus
KERMIT:
Mm-hm.
Ooh. Ah.
- What's happening?
- I don't know.
You don't think Santa heard us,
do you?
PEPE:
Oh, come on.
You -- You'd really believe that
jolly old Saint Nick just heard this song
and he's going to fly down
on his magical sleigh and say--
SANTA:
Ho-ho-ho!
- Merry Christmas.
ALL: Santa.
RIZZO:
Oh, look. Santa, Santa, Santa!
Santa, Santa, Santa!
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
You came back.
Well, you made a wish. We can't have
a holiday wish that doesn't come true.
Is there still time to help us
with these letters?
SANTA:
Well, of course there is.
Now hop onto the sleigh.
My flight attendant will assist you.
RIZZO: Oh, boy.
- Welcome aboard.
ALL:
Oh, Joy!
- Oh, rapture.
KERMIT: It's you.
Come on, come on.
- Come on, Kermit.
KERMIT: Okay.
You and your friends
don't wanna miss this flight.
KERMIT: Okay.
SANTA: I should say so.
GONZO:
Yeah.
- Ha-ha. Come on, guys.
- Good luck.
SANTA: Bye-bye, Joy.
GONZO: Bye, Joy.
- Thank you. Yeah, she's cute.
- You're wonderful. Sweetie.
Let's go, boys.
We've got some deliveries to make.
Whoa!
[ALL YELLING]
GONZO:
Ha-ha-ha! Yes! Wow! Yahoo!
FOZZIE:
Wow, look how high we are.
Oh, my God.
[ALL LAUGHING]
SANTA: Isn't this marvelous?
GONZO: It's so cool.
Now, what about these letters?
Let's open them, shall we?
Oh, no, no, no.
You better not open this one.
KERMIT: Why not, Pepe?
PEPE: Um...
Pepe, is there something you want
to tell everybody?
Okay, fine. I confess.
This letter is mine.
I wrote a letter to Santa Claus.
- But you said you didn't believe.
- I know what I said, okay?
But I was just acting macho, okay?
- Deep down, I'm a really sensitive prawn.
SANTA: Ho, ho!
- Well, of course you are, dear boy.
PEPE: Yeah.
Now, that's why I'm going to grant
your Christmas wish.
[GASPS]
You want to be
a most fabulous opera singer.
But, Santa, I cannot sing.
Oh, you can.
[SINGING OPERA]
SANTA:
Shall we look at this letter?
- Will you read it, Kermit?
KERMIT: Absolutely, sir.
Well, it says-- It says, "Dear Santa.
Can you please take me off
the naughty list?
Officer Frank Meany."
Wait a minute. That's no kid.
That's the security guy from the airport.
- He turned out to be a pretty nice guy.
- Yeah.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Oh, well, then perhaps it's time
we took him off the naughty list.
[ALL CHEERING]
Thank you, Santa,
for taking me off the naughty list.
I'll be a good boy from now on, I swear.
What did I tell you?
[BELL RINGS]
- Ding-ding-ding.
- Ding-ding-ding.
- Ha-ha-ha! Ding-ding-ding.
- Ding-ding-ding.
Ding-ding-ding, da-ding-ding--
- Don't start that again.
- Okay.
Now, this is the last one.
[GONZO GASPS]
Hey, now you can read
the letter from Claire.
Well, let's see
what she asked for, shall we?
GONZO:
Yeah.
- "Dear Santa..."
CLAIRE: Dear Santa,
I thought Christmas
was the time of year
when you're supposed to be
with all the people you care about.
But all my friends are going away.
If there's any way you can help,
it would mean a lot to me.
- Thank you. Your friend, Claire.
- "Thank you. Your friend, Claire." Aww.
Well, I don't think you need
my help with this one, do you?
You know, you're right, Santa.
I think this is a wish we can
grant on our own, right, guys?
Yeah. Hey, Santa,
can you take us home?
Well, of course I can, my dear.
Hold on. Here we go.
Go! Run, Rudolph! Go!
[FOZZIE LAUGHS]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
GONZO:
Shh, shh, shh!
ALL:
Merry Christmas!
I thought you guys were going away.
Oh, well, we figured you might want
a little company for the holidays.
Yeah, I do.
- Hey, Mommy.
MOM: What?
ALL: Hi, Claire's mom.
- Oh, my--
Can my friends come inside?
Um...
Please?
ALL:
Please?
Sure. Come on in.
Let me just put
some newspaper down first.
KERMIT:
Come on, guys. Single file.
SWEETUMS:
She's putting newspaper down.
[SINGING]
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la
GONZO:
Hey, Merry Christmas.
BUNSEN: Where's the little boys' room?
- The what?
- Want a cookie? You want a cookie?
- To the left.
- Hello.
- Want a cookie?
SWEDISH CHEF: Want a cookie?
- Merry Christmas, little girl.
SCOOTER: Merry Christmas.
- No, we have a turkey.
[TURKEY SOBBING]
- Hi.
- Ready to trim the tree.
- Merry Christmas. It's fishes.
- Oh, thank you.
- What?
ROWLF: No, no, no.
[PENGUIN HONKING]
There's a penguin in my house.
[SCREAMING]
What? What? What?
Oh, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Please come in.
Any friend of Pepe's is a friend of mine.
RIZZO: She's a little nervous.
RAT: A little?
- Well, hola, Claire's mama.
- Enjoy.
It's not a turkey. It is a tofu turkey.
[TURKEY GOBBLES]
- It's a tofu turkey. Ha-ha-ha!
- Ha-ha-ha! Woo-hoo!
Kermie, there you are.
Piggy, I thought you went
to the Caribbean.
Yes,
but then I thought, "Who's going
to rub the suntan lotion on my back?"
Uh, me?
- Of course you.
- Aww.
- I'll be waiting under the mistletoe.
- Mmm. Okay.
Yep, yep. This is it, everybody.
- Floyd.
- Hey, Kermit.
- Oh, you're all here.
- Hey, Kermit.
GONZO: Merry Christmas.
- Here's to you, frog.
KERMIT:
Hi, Dr. Teeth.
Happy Hanukkah.
Wow. Nobody went on their vacations.
We all get to spend the holidays
together.
With the people we care about most.
You see, Gonzo, in the end,
it all worked out for the best.
Yeah, I guess it did.
[SINGING]
The last thing I expected
And nothing like I planned
But somehow everything
Turned out perfect tonight
I think I understand
It's the season where magical thinking
Completely applies
Children can teach us
That simply believing's
The road to sweet surprise
ALL:
The road to sweet surprise
- You wanna help?
- Yeah.
The skies are filled
With wishes tonight
The sky is filled with prayers
The night is full of hope
And of promises kept
Because somebody cares
ALL: It's the season of beautiful endings
We'll never forget
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
Knowing that we'll be together again
Makes this my best Christmas yet
This is my best Christmas
Sing "Hallelujah"
Sing "Silent Night" like we used to do
Let's take a moment of thanks
For the dreams that are coming true
All my dreams came true
[KERMIT LAUGHING]
[BEAKER HUMMING]
Beaker, you came back.
Oh! May I cut in?
- Meep-meep?
- Meep-meep.
BUNSEN:
Mmm!
[BEAKER YELPS]
Meep-meep.
The year is almost over
This year is nearly done
It's drifting toward that place
Where our memories live
A gift for everyone
Have I told you how often I think
Of the day we met?
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi
Knowing that we'll be together again
Makes this my best Christmas yet
ALL:
This is my best Christmas yet
Hey, everybody. It's snowing.
MUPPET : What?
KERMIT: Come on.
MUPPET : Oh, boy. Yeah, it's the snow.
MUPPET : Snow, snow.
KERMIT: We're gonna have
a white Christmas after all.
ROBIN: Happy holidays, everybody.
- Hey, will you keep it down?
Well, I don't know about you,
but I think this is my worst Christmas yet.
You know,
I still don't think Santa grants wishes.
- Why is that?
- We still live next to those guys.
[LAUGHING]
Well, I guess this is the time
when I should wish all of you a happy--
Kermie, don't say it to us.
Say it to them.
Oh, happy holidays, everybody.
ALL: Happy holidays.
KERMIT: Yeah.
PIGGY:
Oh, Kermie.
MUPPET : There's some pigs
on the table. Has anybody seen...?
[MUPPETS CHATTERING]
KERMIT:
The holiday's here.
FOZZIE: Claire's mom,
can you take a picture of all of us?
GONZO: Come here.
Come here, guys, come on.
ALL:
Cheese.
A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa (2008)
Moderator: Maskath3