( laughter )
( doorbell )
( Stimpy )
Why sure,
I'll take one.
4,095, 4,098, 7,000.
There you go,
thanks again.
Hey, Ren !
Guess what ?
Let's see.
Am I going to have
to k*ll you ?
Maybe.
Well, who was it ?
It was a nice man
who will change
the way we live forever.
What are you talking
about, you idiot ?
Wait here,
I'll be right back.
What, I suppose you bought
another stupid subscrip--
huh ?
Hey, Ren, look
what I just bought.
Why, I oughta...
hold it.
Before you smack me,
let me extol the virtues
of this wondrous
time-Saving device.
Ahem...
allow me to demonstrate
the full capabilities of
the one and
only titan 4,000.
This baby has
600 cubic inches of raw,
dirt-destroying,
carpet-Ripping horsepower.
From its turbocharged,
fully blown hemi.
Allow me to
demonstrate.
Stimpy, I am really going
to enjoy b*ating you this--
coming through !
And it can suck
a monkey through
30 feet of garden hose.
( gasp )
( screaming )
See, Ren.
It's the last word in
domestic technology.
( screaming )
Must save the brain !
And it's ours for only
12,000 easy monthly payments.
( snoring )
( doorbell )
Joy !
Howdy-do, neighbor !
You look like a man who could
use a good can of salve !
Well, I--
what's salve, you say ?
Why, it's the wonderful
goop with a jillion uses.
Where would we be today
without salve ?
I--
let me ask
you a question.
How do you think
George Washington
fit into his
party dress ?
Hmm...
salve !
Let me ask you
a personal question.
How do you think Columbus
discovered scurvy ?
S-s-salve ?
That's absolutely
kee-Rrect !
What do you say, pal ?
How many cans can
I put you down for ?
Hey, Ren,
let's buy some--
how dare you take advantage
of my blithering idiot !
Now take your smelly old
salve and get outta here.
That's for you.
Ah !
Eee !
Ah !
Hmm...
( laughing )
Hmm...
( struggling )
Knock, knock !
( gasping )
Having trouble
with your hair ?
Nothing a healthy dollop of
salve couldn't take care of.
In fact, we can fashion
a whole new hairstyle.
( screeching )
( door slamming )
Get down from there !
How many times do
I have to tell you ?
Stay outta my stuff !
Playing with makeup
is for grownups--
not boys like you.
Maybe someday,
when you're a grown
man like me.
( screaming )
Here, why don't you
keep yourself busy
and clean up this mess.
That oughtta keep you away
from any more stupid salesman.
Okay, Ren.
What's the matter, bub ?
Out of soap again ?
Well, who needs it ?
Why wash away dirt
the old-fashioned way,
when you can hide it
the all-new salve way ?
A little dab'll do ya.
And how 'bout
that lemony scent ?
I'll buy it !
( Ren )
Hey !
Drop that salve !
We... don't...
want... no...
salve !
( burbling )
Salve would do wonders
on these rusty pipes...
hey, Stimpy, hurry up
with that jelly sandwich.
Five, four, nine,
12, one, bingo !
Hey, don't use jelly,
have a salve-wich instead.
It's indigestible !
Wow !
Gimme 100 bucks worth !
All right, that's it !
What did I tell you about
buying ointment from food ?
I've had it !
I'll show you what we do
to parasitic salesmen
pigs like you.
I'll teach you to swindle
my idiot sidekick.
Oww, oww, oww !
Well, that's that.
( whistling )
( growling )
( laughing )
Well, I finally got rid
of that pesky salesman.
Now to relax
with a good book.
Wha ?
Psst, hey buddy.
You wouldn't be
in this mess now
if you had a can
of salve on hand.
I can take it no longer.
You win.
I'll buy a stinkin' can
of your stupid salve.
Sorry, pal, but your
stupid fat friend just
bought all my salve !
( crying )
Hee !
♪ Happy happy joy joy ♪
( gurgling )
♪ Happy happy joy joy ♪
( humming )
♪ La la la la
joy joy ♪
Ren, have you
seen my pants ?
Huh, what ?
I can't find my pants.
Shut up, you fool.
You're a cat,
you don't have any pants.
And I'm trying to sleep,
so keep quiet... stupid.
I'm naked under
this towel.
What am I gonna do ?
You're going to stop this
naked foolery and go outside.
Oww !
Right now !
It's too nice a day
to be stupid indoors.
Hey, lady, can
I borrow those pants ?
Why, certainly--
eek !
A naked cat !
Honey, make it go away !
You there.
Running around naked in
front of god-fearing people.
Aren't you ashamed ?
We know how to take care of
filthy little beasts like you.
( gurgling )
Taste the wrath of my hose,
you heathen cat !
I guess I showed you who wears
the pants in this neighborhood.
Ahh, I'm safe.
( chain saw buzzing )
♪ Little tree
little tree ♪
( humming )
( crash )
Yee-ha !
( gasping )
It's victor,
the neighborhood sadist.
( humming )
Adios, tree !
Haha, yee-ha !
Well, what have we here ?
Naked, huh ?
I know what
that's like.
Bet you'd like
a pair of these.
( laughing )
Yeah.
Oh, no you don't,
it's not that easy.
Hmm... I know !
We can make a trade !
But I'm naked,
I have nothing to trade.
I'll tell you what.
I'll give you my B.V.D.s,
if you let me...
slug you in
the stomach !
But I don't want you to
slug me in the stomach.
It's all right,
I'm a professional bully.
Well, okay.
Now just relax and think of
something really pleasant
because this is
really gonna hurt.
Happy, happy...
joy, joy...
( revving engine )
Whew... man.
This stomach-pounding
stuff is hard work.
Can I have your
underwear now ?
Why, of course.
We bullies always live
up to our promises.
We have a code.
But, uh...
we can't do it here.
We'll have to take
a drive in the country.
Who's the punk, son ?
Oh, he's just a stupid cat
I promised my underwear to.
Yeah, you promised.
That's not the Christmas
underwear your mother
embroidered, is it ?
Umm, yes, sir.
You know, son,
it'll break your mother's
heart if you give them away.
You're right, dad.
You promised,
you promised !
( crying )
I'll tell you what,
you can have my underwear.
Yeah, it's June.
I gotta change
'em anyway.
Ah !
♪ Look what I have
for you ♪
that's right,
jump for daddy.
( blubbering )
You promised.
All right,
you little crybaby.
Crybaby, crybaby !
There you go.
Joy !
Hmm, kinda baggy
in the derriere.
Son, get some rope,
tie those up for him.
Okay, pop.
You happy ?
Good, now get out !
( laughing )
Whoa !
( crash )
I'm b*at-up, dirty,
and lost in the woods.
But I got my pants !
( male voice )
All right, buddy,
reach for the sky.
Don't turn around !
Now hand over
your underpants.
Pronto, moo !
Come on, come on.
This thing hasn't been
milked in two weeks.
It could go off
at any second.
Ah !
Say, aren't these
just Jim dandy !
Mmm, warm and snug,
just like I like 'em.
Hey, turn around, Nancy.
Oh !
That's pretty.
You've been kind enough
to give me your pants,
so I'm gonna help
you on your way.
Now you just
wait right here.
I'll be right back.
He's such a nice cow.
Good luck, son,
you'll need it.
Moo !
( voices )
Where's your clothes, man ?
Where's your
clothes, boy ?
Filthy little monkey.
Dirty little boy.
Run, run...
have you no shame ?
Nowhere to hide.
( chanting )
Where's your pants ?
Where's your pants...
( teeth chattering )
All right, what seems
to be the problem here ?
I don't--
I don't have any pants.
Hmm, thunderation, boy !
You're as naked as
the day you was born.
Where's your
doggone clothes ?
We don't cotton to you sick
nudist types around here.
Maybe you can get away
with that in the city,
but not in this
neck of the woods.
But I wanna
wear clothes !
Oh, well,
that's different.
Why don't you take this
and cover yourself.
Oh, nice !
Not only did I save
my reputation,
but now I'm
a trendsetter.
Yeah !
I'll see you later.
Sicko.
And that's what
happened, Ren.
How many times
have I told you ?
You're a cat,
you don't need pants.
However, this lovely gown
might look nice on you.
And here's one for
your little friend.
( screaming )
Well, I do have to admit,
we do look divine.
Let's go down to the malt shop
and show off our new outfits.
Okay, gals ?
( giggling )
( cackling )
03x01 - To Salve and Salve Not!/No Pants Today
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Centers on Ren Höek, a short-tempered, psychotic, "asthma-hound" Chihuahua Dog, and Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat, a dimwitted and happy-go-lucky cat.
Centers on Ren Höek, a short-tempered, psychotic, "asthma-hound" Chihuahua Dog, and Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat, a dimwitted and happy-go-lucky cat.