01x04 - Pour Some Lutefisk on Me/The Pie-nal Countdown

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR:Previously on The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle...

On a mission to find the secret ingredient

to help them win Le Grande YumYum cooking contest,

Rocky and Bullwinkle took to the high seas

in search of the elusive lutefisk.

Meanwhile, Boris and Natasha

were also in search of the secret ingredient,

but instead got chummed

and swallowed by a giant whalefisk.

Thanks to his Grampwinkle,

Bullwinkle got the lutefisk

and raced to Le Grande YumYum

only to be captured by S.H.H. Director Peachfuzz,

and secret agents, and secret polar bears.

Wanna know another secret?

It’s time to start the show.

Where we find Rocky and Bullwinkle

being taken by the S.H.H. to an undisclosed,

totally top secret location.

Okay, it was inside the Statue of Liberty.

Wow, I am terrible at keeping secrets.

BULLWINKLE: Okay, wherever we are,

it’s really dark in here.

Okay, it’s too bright in here.

Can we have our face buckets back?

Who are you? What’s going on?

We have to get to Le Grande YumYum.

We know our rights.

You’re supposed to give us a sugar-free lollipop

and a toothbrush.

You’re thinking about the dentist.

Oh, right.

You’re supposed to give us a cookie and a glass of milk.

You’re thinking about Santa.

You’re supposed to give us floss

and a fun sticker that says, "Brushing is Floss-ome."

Now you’re thinking about the dentist.

You’re supposed to give us...

Quiet! We’ve been following you for days.

We know everything about you.

You’re from Frostbite Falls.

You went to Wossamatta U.

And you clearly have fleas.

We have fleas?

We went to college?

Wait a minute.

You’ve been following our every move

and have photos of us?

Rocky, I know who these guys are.

So do I.

They’re our...

BOTH: Fan club!

What, what are you doing?

Fans always want autographed pics.

"To creepy lady person.

"Thanks for keepin’ it real.

"Rocky."

Stop doin' that.

Oh, you’d rather have a selfie?

Hashtag, keepin’ it real.

Stop it!

Okay, you don’t want to cooperate? Fine.

We have ways of making you talk.

NARRATOR:Oh, man.

And I have ways of making you watch

this opening title sequence.

Like this.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

♪ When danger is near

♪ There's nowhere to hide

♪ Silent but deadly

♪ It comes from inside!

♪ Stink of fear!

♪ What's that smell?

♪ Stink of fear!

♪ What's that smell?

♪ Pee-yew! ♪

NARRATOR:Oh, no,

it sounds like all kinds of horrible things

are happening inside the Statue of Liberty.

The kinds of things nobody should ever see.

Let’s go watch.

(SCREAMING)

Oh, this thing feels great.

This gizmo really works out all the kinks.

Yeah, I can’t believe our fans are treating us to a spa day.

They’ve clearly had interrogation resistance training.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

So it looks like it's time for us to get "wheel."

(GASPING)

ROCKY: I love it!

Moisturizing hydrotherapy.

My skin has never looked younger.

We're gonna be so relaxed for Le Grande YumYum!

(CHUCKLES)

These have got to be the toughest spies I've ever seen.

ROCKY: Whee!

NARRATOR:Oh, man, I wish I could get interrogated like that.

My pores could really use some TLC.

Meanwhile, back in Pottsylvania,

Boris and Natasha arrived at Fearless Leader's lair.

They did not have Fearless Leader's lutefisk.

But they did have a funny story.

So we went to the place where they have the lutefisk.

But we didn't get the lutefisk.

So, we don't have the lutefisk.

The end!

(BOTH LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

BOTH: Please don't k*ll us.

Do you realize that all of your stories

end with me not getting what I want?

No biggie.

So, that's it?

We're not dead meat?

No. You're fired!

BOTH: Fired?

I anticipated that you might fail me again,

so I took the liberty of designing

a state-of-the-art robotic henchman device.

Meet your replacement.

BOTH: Replacement?

Henchbot!

(WHIRRING)

(BEEPING)

I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now.

But I'm feeling something.

Henchbot is a fully functional cybernetic espionage system

that can do the work of ten spies.

Including...

secret ingredient retrieval and delivery.

(GASPS) Lutefisk!

Where did you get that?

Lutefisk Online.

The world's largest distributor of frozen fish and frozen fish accessories.

Come on, you're not really going to replace us with this?

It looks like a vacuum with typey talky toy taped to it.

That's because it is.

And it's still better at your job than you.

Henchbot, show them out!

With pleasure.

(GASPS) He is better at our job than we are.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

NARRATOR:Meanwhile, back at the S.H.H. interrogation base,

after hours of mental anguish, they finally cracked.

No, not Rocky and Bullwinkle,

Peachfuzz and her agents.

I can't take it anymore!

We've been blasting them with Scandinavian speed metal music for hours

and they're doing this?

(METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

This loud spa music really takes your mind off

the pressures of daily life.

And all this headbanging is releasing our toxins and energizing our chakras.

All right, that's it.

Stop the music!

I give up, they're unbreakable,

they're master spies.

We'll never learn what their evil plan is.

Hey, number one fan of ours?

Does this spa have any cucumber water or chia-based snacks?

There's a vending machine over there.

Oh, boy! Race you there, Rock!

Strapped-in-chair race? Yes, please!

(GIGGLING)

NARRATOR:It was then that Director Peachfuzz

realized our heroes were not deadly spies,

but were, in fact, something far, far worse.

Strapped-in-chair racing is fun!

Good gravy,

they're morons.

Excuse me, ma'am,

but we've just received vital intel that a sinister vacuum

from Pottsylvania has purchased a suspicious amount

of "eggs, flour, sugar, and lutefisk."

Fearless Leader!

What are you up to now?

BULLWINKLE: I know what he's up to!

(CHAIR THUDDING)

He's using my secret recipe to bake a pie!

Tell me more about this "pie."

ROCKY: Well...

(CHAIR THUDDING)

it's got a flaky crust, a buttery glaze.

Oh, and a horrible stink that knocked out everyone in Frostbite Falls.

He's bakin' a huge take-over-the-world stink pie!

Listen up! I need my bravest and bestest agents

to get to Pottsylvania and stop that pie immediately.

BULLWINKLE: On it.

Nobody steals the Winkle family recipe and gets away with it!

Don't worry, Director Beach Ball.

I'm a flying squirrel.

(SCREAMS)

I can't believe we're spies going to take back your pie recipe.

BOTH: Pie spies!

NARRATOR:As our pie spies raced to Pottsylvania,

our newly unemployed evil spies were warming their hands by a fire.

Oh, life comes at you fast.

Oh. I can't believe we lose our jobs.

And the fingers to our gloves.

But don't worry. Before we left, I stole some supplies.

Let's see, a couple reams of paper,

three mouse pads,

eight granola bars,

and this pair of office binoculars.

What are we going to do with that?

And the rest of our lives?

(AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)

BULLWINKLE AND ROCKY: Pie spies!

(GASPS) It's Moose and Squirrel.

What are they doing in Pottsylvania?

Who cares? It's "Henchbot's" problem now.

Yes, but if we capture them first,

Fearless Leader will totally give us our jobs back.

Then we can get gloves with as many fingers as we want.

Okay, fellow Pie Spy.

Time for Operation "Now What?"

Uh, I hadn't really thought that far ahead.

In fact, I'm starting to think stealing this plane and flying here

may have been a bit impulsive.

PEACHFUZZ: (ON RADIO) Rocky and Bullwinkle? Come in.

Bullwinkle, it's Commander Feet Scuzz!

It's Peachfuzz.

Are we in trouble? Yes.

But you're also in Pottsylvania.

And since you've made it this far,

I need you to get inside Fearless Leader's lair,

and find out what his evil pie plan is

so I can stop it and put him away.

ROCKY:Well, I am a flying squirrel.

I guess we could eject.

BULLWINKLE:Why'd you do that?

ROCKY:Catch, Bullwinkle.

BULLWINKLE:Aw, thanks, buddy.

ROCKY:Avoid the flock of incoming seagulls.

(SEAGULLS SCREECHING) BULLWINKLE:Hey, we're flyin' here.

And then fly inside this open window.

Good work. Maybe you two aren't as dumb as I thought.

Thanks. Who is this again?

Director Peachfuzz!

And please tell me you set the plane to autopilot safe-landing mode

before you ejected.

(expl*si*n)

BOTH: Yes.

Good. Now get moving before someone or something finds out you're there.

What do you think she meant by "something"?

I don't know. Let's keep walking and not look behind us.

Intruders detected.

Analyzing squirrel hair.

Analyzing moose prints.

Must find Moose and Squirrel.

Uh-oh. Looks like Henchbot is already on the case.

Ooh. Look at me. I'm Henchbot.

I do all the case-finding.

We must stop robot from finding Moose and Squirrel.

But how do we outsmart talky toy vacuum?

He's so good.

"Vacuum." That's it!

If we made a mess, robot would have to clean it up.

Hey, look at us, working together.

Pfft! What are you talking about?

I just came up with whole plan.

Yeah, and I stood next to you while you did.

Teamwork!

(GRUNTING)

Tracking Moose and Squirrel.

BORIS: Yoo-hoo, dumb-dumb robot!

My talky toy half says, "Find Moose and Squirrel,"

but my vacuum side says, "Must eliminate trash."

It's working!

Must eliminate trash.

Must eliminate human trash.

Uh-oh, Boris. It thinks we're trash.

Eh. I've been called worse.

No, I mean it thinks we're trash!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Eliminate human trash.

NARRATOR:So as Boris and Natasha got into some deep trouble,

Rocky and Bullwinkle ventured deeper into the lair.

Keep moving. You should be coming up on Fearless Leader's command center.

Wait a minute. Stop!

I just thought of something.

What? What is it?

Spy music.

We can't be spies without a cool theme song.

What? No!

You'll blow your cover.

(VOCALIZING)

Cool. I'll do the high part.

(BOTH VOCALIZING)

Stop! Stop it now! No spy songs!

You might set off a...

...booby trap.

NARRATOR:Oh, my! How are the pie spies gonna get out of this laser jam?

And what about this recipe for disaster?

And what is Fearless Leader's evil plan?

I'll never tell.

Until I do in, like, two or three minutes.

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NARRATOR:I've already got my tickets.

Anyway, back to the show. What's going on again?

We're surrounded by booby traps.

NARRATOR:Oh, right. That sounds bad.

PEACHFUZZ: Rocky. Bullwinkle.

I can talk you through this booby trap.

But you're going to have to keep calm and do exactly what I...

BOTH: Run!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(ROCKY SCREAMING)

We made it. And without a scratch.

Ah, maybe one scratch.

Bullwinkle, look!

Come in, Lieutenant Leech Fuzz.

We're almost to Fearless Leader's command center. I...

Oh, no! My ear piece is gone.

Huh. They must have fallen out

while we were running from lasers that barely got us.

Rocky? Bullwinkle? Come in.

We lost contact, ma'am.

Darn it!

The fate of the world now rests in the hands

of a talking moose and a flying squirrel.

That also talks.

NARRATOR:Oh! I don't like those odds.

And speaking of odd.

Back in the lair, Henchbot was still searching for Boris and Natasha

in order to take out the trash.

Permanently.

Oh. The Evil Lair Gift Shop.

Full of so many knickknacks and curios

but no time for shopping.

Time to find human trash.

He's found us.

Shh. Just pretend to be souvenir doll.

Wait, why are the Boris dolls fifty percent off?

BORIS DOLL:I will get Moose and Squirrel.

NATASHA DOLL: Idiot Boris.

(IMITATING DOLL) Idiot Boris.

(IMITATING NATASHA DOLL) Idiot Bori...

I mean, wait. Eliminate human trash.

Idiot Boris. Run!

Bullwinkle, this place is crawling with danger.

How are we gonna get to the command center?

We're spies, Rock.

There's always a way.

And always a duct.

(BIRDS CHIRPING) ROCKY: Just turn sideways.

(BOTH VOCALIZING)

BOTH:♪ In the secret ducts

♪ Spy, spy, spy

BULLWINKLE:♪ Interesting lever

(ROCKY VOCALIZING)

♪ Maybe not pull it

(BULLWINKLE VOCALIZING)

♪ Where's your Sense of adventure?

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(ROCKY VOCALIZING)

♪ Ow! ♪

Wait, look.

We found the pie thief.

Wow! We're really good pie spies.

My trusted scientists and minions.

Soon the name Pottsylvania

will strike fear into the hearts of all who hear it.

The device is finally complete!

I give you the Polyaromatic Udometer,

or as I like to call it, the P.U.

Which makes my evil stinkpocalypse super stinky pie!

Bullwinkle! It's the pie!

Take pictures, now!

Pie spy on it.

Oops, my phone's full.

Might have a few too many pictures on this.

Can't delete that one. Or that one.

Ooh, that one's sassy.

Oh, Rocky, remember this one?

Oh, you gotta send me that one.

Behold, the ultimate w*apon to world domination!

This was already the stinkiest pie in the world!

But, thanks to the P.U. device,

the stink has been amplified by one million percent!

Observe.

(ALL COUGHING)

And that was just a crumb!

Holy guacamole.

When the lethal stink pie is sliced open tomorrow

at Le Grande YumYum finale in Prague,

it will fill the stadium, stinkifying all within reach.

Including some very special guests,

the world leaders!

"Ah, it smells so bad."

"It must be the stinkpocalypse."

"I need a shower."

Unable to tolerate their stench,

the entire planet will turn to one leader who doesn't stink.

Me!

Then the world will be mine.

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

NARRATOR:So that's why the show's called the Stink of Fear!

I was wondering.

But luckily, there were two pie spies nearby that could stop him!

Nope, can't delete that one.

Oh, here's that selfie I took of us sneaking into the lair.

NARRATOR:Yeah, still not liking these odds.

Anyway, let's check in with Boris and Natasha.

In there, quick.

(BOTH GASPING)

Eliminate human trash.

I know this is an obvious joke.

But that vacuum totally sucks.

Focus! We've got to get out of here,

catch Moose and Squirrel, and get our jobs back.

Right. I will totally focus.

Right after I see what happens when I pull this cool lever!

NATASHA: (SCREAMING) Idiot Boris!

Nope. Nope.

I can't delete any of these.

I guess I'll just have to use this old-timey camera I always keep with me.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Now all I need is a chef to cook the stink pie at Le Grande YumYum.

And I have just the henchbot to do it.

Oh, Henchbot!

Yes, awesome, super cool, genius Fearless Leader.

Now, to give you the perfect disguise

to infiltrate the cooking competition.

Mmm.

Vengeance is served.

Now, to get these pictures to Officer Ping Pong

before anyone gets the drop on us.

(SCREAMING)

Too late.

Wow, we're really good pie spy-catching guys.

You two are coming with us.

(RATTLING)

Uh, I'm not sure these ducts can support all this weight.

Au contraire.

These old ducts are strong enough to withstand anything.

I can prove it with this buzz saw I always keep with me.

I think that might be a bad idea, buddy.

Yes. Listen to raccoon.

What? I can't hear you over the sound of this buzz saw!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL GROANING)

(ALL COUGHING)

(GASPS) You crushed Henchbot.

Oh, no, your poor robot. Not Henchbot. Why?

I can't believe he's really gone.

Oh, you!

Run!

What are you waiting for?

Go after them!

You mean it?

We're not fired anymore?

No. You're rehired, you idiots.

Now get them!

NATASHA: After them!

BORIS: Why you not...

Why you not stop Moose and Squirrel?

I'm on break.

(ALL PANTING)

(SCREAMING)

Still on break!

Let's see. Door to outside.

Door to lions.

But which do we choose?

I don't know.

Outside looks pretty good. But...

Lions live outside.

It's a trick.

Nice try, door signs.

You're not gonna fool the pie spies.

(GROWLING)

There were lions behind that lion door!

I wish somebody had warned us.

No happy sunshine for you, Moose and Squirrel.

Ah!

I finally have you meddling creatures right where I want you.

What should we do with them, Fearless Leader?

I have these nunchuks I always keep with me.

I have this bear trap I always keep with me.

I don't even know what this is

but when I found it I was like, "I'm keeping this with me."

No. With my sweet Henchbot destroyed,

I need a new plan to sneak the P.U. device

into Le Grande YumYum.

Hmm, I might have use for this one.

As for the squirrel, to the dungeon.

Bullwinkle!

Rocky!

You, my friend, are coming with me.

And now, darling,

it's time for you to meet a truly horrifying end.

Now, Squirrel, meet your doom!

(BARKING)

Puppies? They're so cute!

(GIGGLING) Aww. What a sweetie.

You won't think so after we cover you with peanut butter.

(CHUCKLING) What are they gonna do? Ha-ha.

Lick me to death?

Yes.

(ROCKY LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

(SCREAMING)

You're just in time.

Allow me to introduce our newest agent.

What is your command, Fearless Leader?

NARRATOR:Oh, my.

Will Fearless Leader use Bullwinkle

in his smelly plot to take over the world?

Will Rocky escape from that dungeon?

And are any of those puppies up for adoption because they are adorbs.

Find out on our next exciting episode,

Prague Day Afternoon!

Or Hypno-pie-zed!

(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)