01x05 - Prague Day Afternoon/Hypno-Pie-zed

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR:Previously on The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle...

Director Peachfuzz recruited our heroes to be spies

and infiltrate Fearless Leader's evil lair.

Which they did.

Until they got caught.

Then, Fearless Leader hypnotized Bullwinkle

making him a drooling pawn in his ultimate evil plan

to detonate the stinkiest pie ever baked at the grand finale of Le Grand Yum Yum.

While Rocky was thrown into a tiny dungeon.

And in this next exciting episode,

a tiny pack of tiny puppies are about to lick Rocky to tiny doom!

ROCKY: Stop it! Stop licking me!

There... there's gotta be something

you like more than peanut butter-covered squirrel.

Like...

Bones!

Here, g*ng! Get the bone! Get the bone!

Fetch!

Phew.

Woo hoo!

Oh, no! The door's locked!

(CRUNCHING) ROCKY: Oh, no!

The bones are gone!

Only one thing left to do.

(YELLING) Help!

(THUD)

(MEOWS)

(BEEPING)

(expl*si*n)

Bad dogs. (PUPPY YELPS)

NARRATOR:Whoa. A k*ller line from Peachfuzz.

Although, personally, I would have said something like,

"Down, boy,"

or "Bowwow, I'm good."

Or perhaps...

Just roll the opening titles.

NARRATOR:Yeah, okay.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

♪ When danger is near There's nowhere to hide

♪ It's silent but deadly And comes from inside

♪ Stink of fear

♪ What's that smell?

♪ Stink of fear

♪ What's that smell? ♪

(EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)

NARRATOR:Having been rescued by S.H.H.,

Rocky filled in Peachfuzz on Fearless Leader's evil plans.

And then, when the pie's cut open

all the world leaders will be stinkified

and everyone will be forced to follow Fearless Leader.

(GASPS) Gee.

It's not easy recapping evil plans and running at the same time.

You know you can fly, right?

Aw, nuts.

But diabolical.

Using pastry for nefarious purposes.

But we can't leave without Bullwinkle.

Your friend's not here.

What? Where is he?

Our satellite images picked up Fearless Leader

and his henchmen leaving about an hour ago.

And they were with...

a moose.

Hokey smokes.

Bullwinkle's been moose-napped.

We lost transmission before we could find out where they were going.

But from what you've just told me,

I'd wager they're taking him

to the Yum Yum finale in Prague.

But if Bullwinkle's there when the pie gets cut... (DINGS)

He'll be stinkified.

Forever.

Le Grand Yum Yum is starting in twenty minutes.

We'll never make it.

Leave that to me. (VEHICLE ALARM CHIRPS)

Whoa!

Ha-ha! "Whoa" is right.

This bad boy travels at unheard-of speeds.

Nothing can slow us down.

Wait, where are you going?

Bathroom break, ma'am.

I told you all to go before we left!

Yeah, I gotta go, too.

Ooh, yeah, me too.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, across the globe,

in the Czech Republic's beautiful city of Prague

a real who's-who was arriving for Le Grand Yum Yum finale.

Thank you narrators, and hey, food fans.

Mario Lopez coming at you live

at Le Grand Yum Yum,

the biggest culinary competition in the world.

Everybody who's anybody is here.

In fact, here come the world leaders now.

NARRATOR:But not only were the world leaders arriving,

so was a hypnotized Bullwinkle.

Now, remember the plan.

After the moose gets us inside

you two swap out the oven with the PU device

so moose can cook the doomsday pie.

And keep a low profile.

Yes, Fearless Leader.

Check it out. It's one of the final contestants,

Bullwinkle J. Moose.

So, B-Dubs, lemme ask you,

what's your winning strategy for tonight?

Uh, duh.

I will destroy everyone.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) What my client means to say is

he will destroy the competition.

And you are?

His agent, Fearless Agent.

Bullwinkle, big night.

What's going through your head right now?

Uh... nothing, because I've been brainwashed.

(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) What he means to say is

he will brainwash the competition.

No more questions.

And there you have it from that weird guy.

Pick up the pace, Boris.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

MARIO LOPEZ: Oh, and here comes tonight's

celebrity host, Gordon Ramsay.

(SPECTATORS CHEERING) (BORIS GASPING)

Gordon Ramsay is here?

The master of mean, the king of cruel.

For years, I dream of him teaching me the art of the insult.

Your dependence on your mother sickens me.

(CRYING)

Ooh, baby burn.

This is no time to geek out, Boris.

We must get device inside.

Who's geeking? I'm coming, let's go. (SQUEALING)

Take good care of her.

(CAR ALARM BLARING) (BLARING SLOWS AND STOPS)

Take good care of her.

(GASPS) Look.

PEACHFUZZ: It's the world leaders.

We need to warn them their lives are in danger.

And more importantly, there's Bullwinkle.

(MUMBLING)

Come on.

Invitations?

Moose, show him your badge.

Okay, you're good to go.

ROCKY: Bullwinkle. Invitations, please.

I need to get in there.

I'm Director Peachfuzz of the S.H.H.

I don't care if you're the Queen of Egypt.

No invite, no entry.

It's true. He won't let me in.

But we're here to stop a thr*at to international security.

The smell of the world is at stake.

Oldest excuse in the book.

Sorry.

What are we gonna do now?

Looks like it's time for Plan B.

This is Plan B?

Hiding behind a potted plant?

Observe.

Hi-yah!

Pretty good, right? I guess.

As long as we don't have to Plan B anyone else, Director Peachfuzz.

Ah, you just said my name!

Now our cover's been compromised.

We need new disguises, stat.

Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

All right, problem solved.

Now let's head inside, Rocky.

Ah, I just said your name!

Now our cover's blown again.

We need a new disguise, stat.

Please, no.

Hi-yah!

NARRATOR:As Peachfu...

I mean, that lady whose name I don't know, continued to karate chop

backstage at Le Grand Yum Yum,

Natasha was laying the foundation for their evil plan.

It's no use.

No amount of makeup can make moose ready for close-up.

(MUMBLING)

It's not his face we need, it's his mind.

Now remember,

after you take the pie out of the PU device,

you must slice it open

so it stinkifies all the world leaders.

Understand?

Now repeat the plan back to me.

Duh, "The plan back to me."

(GROANING) Not that.

I mean say the words I just said.

"The words I just said."

No. I mean, you tell me the plan.

No, no, that won't work, either.

FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Five minutes till show time. Five minutes.

We must hurry. Quick, put this on.

(BULLWINKLE GRUNTING)

On your head!

(BULLWINKLE GROANING) I think to successfully brainwash someone,

they need to have a brain first.

Thanks, Janet. Just a little more on the right, yeah?

Sure thing, Mr. Ramsay.

You're not Janet.

What are you doing in my dressing room?

(STAMMERING) I know you must be busy,

but perhaps you could yell at me?

Call me some names?

You know, "You're a no-good dummy-dum, Boris.

"You call that a mustache?"

You know, things like that.

I want to learn at the master's feet.

Look, I don't know who you are, but,

you're creeping me out.

Okay, not great. But who am I to judge?

You're the master.

FEARLESS LEADER: Boris.

Gotta go. We'll talk later.

Boop.

What a strange little man.

NARRATOR:Meanwhile, back on the red carpet...

This is the last disguise, okay?

Geesh, has anyone ever told you you're paranoid?

Who told you that? Was it that guy?

(PLEADING) No. No more karate.

Excuse us.

We were wondering if you knew where the VIP entrance is?

VIP?

You mean, you're allowed access anywhere in the theater,

without restrictions?

(GROANING IN ANTICIPATION)

(SIGHS WEARILY) Go ahead.

Hi-yah!

NARRATOR:So, having hi-yahed again,

Rocky and Peachfuzz VIP'd into the arena to stop the stink-pocalypse.

The world leaders. We're running out of time.

I've gotta go warn them.

And there is Bullwinkle.

(GROANING)

Don't worry, buddy, I'm coming. Oh.

Mr. and Mrs. Poplawski.

Thank goodness you made it.

Come with me, you're needed right away.

But you don't understand.

We're not who you think we are.

Break a leg.

ANNOUNCER:Everyone please stand for the Czech national anthem

sung by opera stars, the Poplawskis.

What do I do?

I don't know the Czech national anthem.

Just sing. Anything.

(SINGING) ♪ Oh, Czech Republic

♪ You're a country I think

(SINGING OUT OF TUNE) ♪ With those people Who did all that stuff

♪ Oh, yeah, that stuff They did was pretty great

♪ And I guess You probably have mountains

♪ Or maybe It's with swamps

♪ Anyway, that's all We've got to say

TOGETHER:♪ The end ♪

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Wait a minute, is that... Nah.

Phew. I can't believe they bought it.

(GASPS) I've never felt so alive.

Come on, let's sing another anthem.

No. We gotta save Bullwinkle and stop that pie.

Okay, we'll split up.

You look for Bullwinkle, I'll warn the world leaders.

(CLAPPING HANDS) Let's go, go, go.

ANNOUNCER: And now, please welcome your host of Le Grand Yum Yum

Gordon Ramsay.

Tonight will be the most important night

of your entire lives.

The finale of Le Grand Yum Yum.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

In just a moment, our finalists will cook their signature dishes.

Three chefs enter,

two leave in disgrace

and only one is crowned champion.

Let the Yum Yum begin.

NARRATOR:Oh, no. The Yum Yum has begun-g*n.

Can Rocky stop the danger?

Bullwinkle?

ROCKY: Bullwinkle!

There you are, buddy.

Thank goodness you're okay.

(GROANING) Duh.

Oh, no. What have they done to you?

Duh, I must complete mission.

Mission? What mission?

He works for us now, you silly squirrel.

What? My best friend would never work for you.

Oh, no? Moose, take care of squirrel.

Duh, take care of squirrel.

(GROWLING)

Bullwinkle, no!

NARRATOR:Oh, no.

Will Rocky be "taken care of" by his brainwashed best friend?

Will Peachfuzz get to the world leaders in time?

And how do you stay in shape while binge-watching our awesome show?

Well, find out right now,

with a Cardio Lopez cartoon fitness break.

All right, everyone, let's get up off that couch,

because it's time for thirty solid minutes

of intense, heart-pounding cardio fun.

NARRATOR:Uh, we don't have time for that Mario.

Really? How much time do we have for fun?

NARRATOR: You have four seconds.

Okay, let's do this.

And one. And we're done.

TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Get Cardio Lopez for only four easy payments of $..

But don't call, cause this commercial is totally fake.

Now back to the show. NARRATOR:Thanks, Mario.

When we last left our heroes,

a brainwashed Bullwinkle was about to let Rocky have it.

But then he passed Rocky and let the water cooler have it instead.

Duh, take care of squirrel.

Uh...

We know, okay?

Brainwashing brainless moose was not such a hot idea.

Boris, take care of squirrel.

With pleasure.

(GRUNTING)

Untie, you...

Is something supposed to happen?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, wait for it.

(THUD)

Nighty-night, rodent.

STAGE MANAGER: Places, everybody.

Get to your kitchen stations.

Time to go, moose.

(GROANING)

Okay, let's meet our finalists, shall we?

Preparing his signature steak tartare, Ugo Torre.

And, with her queso-blasted shrimp poppers, Lee Ling.

And, baking his signature pie, which I hear is a knockout,

Bullwinkle J. Moose.

(GROANING) Duh.

Hi, Gordon.

Remember me?

I'm still trying to forget.

Okay, cool. So we'll talk later?

Anyway, let's get cooking.

NARRATOR:So, while our finalists and a brainwashed Bullwinkle

started cooking up their signature dishes,

(GROANING)

Boris and Natasha started warming up the super-stinky PU oven of doom.

Which meant Peachfuzz needed to serve up

a fast and heroic warning to the world leaders.

World leaders, you need to leave now.

There's no time to explain.

Hey, wait a minute, we know you.

You're Mrs. Poplawski.

We loved your performance.

No, no, no, no, no. This is a disguise.

I'm actually Director Peachfuzz from the S.H.H. See?

Oh, that's another disguise, sorry.

My badge is under here somewhere.

Probably shouldn't have worn all these at once. Hold on a tick.

NARRATOR:As Peachfuzz pulled off her many, many disguises,

Rocky summoned the strength of many, many squirrels...

Take that, sandbag!

(GRUNTS) Ow!

NARRATOR:Then raced to the stage to stop that pie.

Duh. Pie crust is finished.

Oh, no. I gotta figure out a way

to snap him out of this five-alarm fragrance fiasco,

fast.

(BELL DINGING)

Now, here's the part where I talk to contestants.

Bullwinkle, tell us what's in your pie.

Duh, blueberries, lutefisk and doom.

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

I'm sorry, did you say "doom"?

Oh, yes, it's, uh, uh, a rare spice, darling.

You wouldn't know it.

Oh, I wouldn't, would I?

Then maybe I should look it up in this bestselling cookbook

about rare spices

written by world-renowned spice expert,

Me! Oh, spice burn.

Genius. Can you sign my copy?

No. Let's see how the other contestants are doing.

Oh, come on, Gordo.

I want to soak up your insults.

I am your sponge.

No, wait, this is serious.

I really am the director of the Secret Homeland Agency.

Do I look like somebody who's joking around?

When did I knock out a circus clown?

(ALL LAUGHING)

MR. POPLAWSKI: There she is.

That's the crazy woman who stole our clothes.

No, wait. You gotta believe me.

I'm not the crazy one.

If you stay here, you're crazy. You're all crazy.

You gotta trust me.

Why won't anybody trust me?

Can you please keep your meltdowns to a minimum?

I have world-class chefs here trying to finish their dishes.

(GROANING)

Wake up, Bullwinkle. You've been brainwashed.

But this oughta cool you off.

(GROANING) Ooh.

Or make you look like Santa.

Squirrel.

Bullwinkle. (NATASHA GRUNTING)

Please.

(YELLING) Snap out of it.

I love a good game of whack-a-squirrel.

ROCKY: Nice try.

But yolks on you.

(SQUISHING) (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

What's going on here?

You're ruining this culinary competition.

BORIS: I know, right?

Is this a cooking contest or a not-cooking contest?

(LAUGHING)

Teach me.

Leave me alone.

All right, that's it.

You wanna hear what Gordon Ramsay really thinks of you?

You've got it. You are...

You... are...

(KETTLE WHISTLING)

clearly dealing with low self-esteem,

which is such a shame

because there's a beautiful person hiding inside everyone

waiting to get out.

You keep saying you want to be like me.

But I want you to be like you.

Boop.

(CRYING)

That was so mean.

Oof, okay, let's get back to the show.

Where our chefs are about to finish their dishes.

Duh. Must cook pie.

NARRATOR:So, as Bullwinkle headed over to the PU,

that meant there was just one plucky squirrel

that could stop the stink-pocalypse.

I gotta stop him from cooking that pie.

So you like eggs, darling?

Then let me help you b*at them.

(WHIRRING) (GASPING)

(ROCKY WHIMPERING)

Bye-bye, squirrel.

(BORIS CRYING)

Huh?

Boris, seriously?

Say "sneeze."

(GASPS)

(SNEEZING)

(GRUNTING)

NARRATOR: But as Rocky was able (ALARM DINGING)

to stop Natasha from mixing him,

was he too late to stop Bullwinkle from stinkifying the world leaders?

Pie of doom is ready.

World domination,

here I come.

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

No!

Bullwinkle, stop.

(SQUISHING)

You don't wanna do this.

I know the real Bullwinkle's in there somewhere

and that Bullwinkle would never stinkify these innocent people.

You may have been brainwashed

but you could never be heart-washed.

ALL: Aww.

So look into your heart.

That's your elbow, buddy,

but I'm glad you're listening.

Now listen to your heart and don't cut this pie.

(GROANING) Uh, duh.

Come back to me, buddy.

Duh, duh, duh.

(MUMBLING)

Bullwinkle? Rocky?

Where am I?

Bullwinkle, you're back.

(GASPS) Are we at the Grand Yum Yum?

(GASPS) Did I make a pie?

(GASPS) Am I not wearing pants?

You never wear pants, buddy.

No, no, no!

He's ruined everything.

The pie was supposed to start a stink-pocalypse

so I could rule the world and...

I just said that out loud, didn't I?

Oopsies.

Arrest him.

(GRUNTING)

No.

(BUBBLING)

Uh, Rock? Yeah, buddy?

What's happening to the pie?

Ha! It's too late.

It doesn't matter if you cut the pie,

it's going to burst from too much PU.

(YELLING) That pie, it's gonna blow.

(ALL CLAMORING)

We gotta get this pie out of here before it bursts.

Right with you, Rock. Whoa!

You'll never stop it now.

The stink-pocalypse is upon us. (LAUGHS)

Oh. Ow, it's pinching my skin.

(ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE SCREAMING)

NARRATOR:Remember this? From our very first episode?

If not, you should probably go back and watch it

or none of this is gonna make sense.

We have to get this pie out of the city before it blows.

BULLWINKLE: Good point.

Bad point.

Bullwinkle. Duck.

Duck? I don't see any ducks, Rock.

All I see is a... (SCREAMING) bridge!

(BULLWINKLE GRUNTING)

Whoa! (GLASS BREAKING)

(MAN SCREAMING) (WATER SPLASHING)

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Dinner is served.

(SCREAMING)

Bullwinkle!

(expl*si*n)

(YELLING) Rocky!

NARRATOR:Oh, no.

Surely, this can't be the end of our favorite flying squirrel.

I thought this was a family show.

(FUNERAL BELL TOLLING)

Ooh, guess not.

(SOBBING) What can I say about my pal, Rocky?

He was the best.

A squirrel among squirrels.

He was an explorer, a dreamer.

(BLOWING)

And if Rocky were here today, I know just what he'd say.

Hey, Bullwinkle.

He'd say, "Hey, Bullwinkle."

Hey, Bullwinkle.

Not now, Rock. Can't you see I'm giving a speech about you?

But, but... I said not now, Rock.

He'd say, "Hey, Bullwinkle, don't be sad, because..."

Uh, I'm alive.

"I'm alive."

Why would he say that?

(GASPS) You're alive!

But, but how did you survive?

Well... NARRATOR:And so, Rocky explained.

As the pie thrust him out of the Earth's atmosphere,

he cleverly used the metal tin

to shield himself from the gamma stink rays.

(SQUISH)

Then the shock waves sent me back to Earth, and here I am.

Well, the science is sound, but where have you been all this time?

What are you talking about?

That all happened five minutes ago.

Hey, how'd you get this funeral together so fast?

(CHUCKLING) Oh, Rock.

No, seriously, it's kind of weirding me out.

(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

Ah, whatever.

Bring it in.

NARRATOR:And so, having saved the world from a stinky fate

Gordon Ramsay finally awarded Bullwinkle the title of Master Yum Yum.

NARRATOR: Not so much for his cooking,

but for saving humanity from the stink-pocalypse.

I'm not known for compliments,

but you done good, moose.

NARRATOR:As for Fearless Leader and Boris and Natasha,

justice was served.

Prison-style.

Now that's what I call getting your "just desserts."

ALL: Very clever.

NARRATOR:Yeah, I know.

And life in Frostbite Falls was finally back to normal.

Here comes my... (CHEWING) top-rope

jumping squirrel-squisher.

And here comes my... (CHEWING)

triple tail-flippin' moose-smasher.

Hey, no fair.

Show me how you did that.

Easy.

Like this. (KNUCKLES CRACKING)

(BULLWINKLE GROANING)

(CAT SCREECHING) (ROCKY LAUGHING)

NARRATOR:Yes, everything was completely back to normal.

Wait, now, why are you panning up?

Frostbite Falls is down there.

No, stop panning up, because...

No, things are supposed to be back to normal.

Wait, aliens are coming?

Cool.

(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)