01x13 - Back in the Monster Saddle Again/att*ck of the 50ft. Moose!

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: Previously on The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle...

Our hairy heroes stood hopelessly on Weird Monster Island,

as Fearless Leader, and Boris and Natasha,

rode out to sea on Humongalon.

Look at us. We're on a monster, yo.

-(BEEP) -(ROARS)

And in three, two, one.

ALL: We have to stop them.

NARRATOR: Other things you need to know...

This is the bad, mad scientist, Dr. Lesso,

who created the mega beast.

Because, again, she's a bad, mad scientist.

She also turned me into a monster.

Everybody makes mistakes, okay?

NARRATOR: And remember the Monster Bros

and their horrible Beast Blast energy drink?

Well, we might see these geniuses again.

ALL: Super harsh, bro.

NARRATOR: Whatever, yo. And now, we resume this monster of a story

with a new exciting monster episode, right now.

So long, suckers.

FEARLESS LEADER: The world will soon be mine.

We can't let them get to the mainland.

We gotta do something.

What are you all looking at me for?

You started it.

And if monster science got us into this mess,

can't monster science get us out of it?

Yes. Maybe.

I don't know.

Hey. That's our motto.

So, let's go.

There's one problem, Moose.

I have no lab, remember?

Oh, yeah, right.

So unless you know of a spare hi-tech monster lab around here,

I can't stop anything with science.

(ROARING)

And we ran right into

the man/moose/squirrel-eating forest, didn't we?

(ROARING)

I hate this island.

And we hated that Humongalon, we did.

Yeah, he was so mean to me.

He was mean to all of us, Carl.

So why don't you use this lab to stop that beast?

NARRATOR: Whoa! It's the spooky house from a few episodes ago,

that got sucked through the portal door

and reassembled here on Weird Monster Island.

ALL: Hooray!

NARRATOR: And now, our heroes can race to the monster lab inside

and save the world through monster science.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

We now resume our monster story with a...

(ALL SCREAM AND GROAN)

Oh, it's nice to be back

in my ol' spooky house lab again.

Now according to whatever this thing is,

Humongalon is heading to London.

Then we have to get there and warn everybody

the monster is coming, and fast.

If only there was a door that could get us to London instantly,

before the monster.

Like, a portal, that's also a door.

Just like this portal door.

Oh, well.

Oh, goody. Another portal.

I wonder what fun, new disaster is waiting on the other side.

Not helping.

And there will be no disaster,

because with the right coordinates,

the door will place you fuzzballs right in the center of London.

Hi-ho, cheerio.

Look out, London, here we go.

(HORN HONKING)

Hi-ho, (GASPS) not London.

(HORN HONKING)

(BOTH PANTING) Not London?

Nevada.

Okay, this time it will definitely take you to London.

BOTH: London, here we...

(COUGHING AND CHOKING)

Whoopsies.

But luckily there's a thing in science called "The rule of threes."

No, there's not.

Where the third thing you try always works.

BOTH: Yay, science.

BOTH: Bullfight.

Vamonos! Los toros!

NARRATOR: So as the science "rule of threes"

proved to be a whole lot of bull...

Boris, Natasha, and Fearless Leader

were riding a whole lot of monster.

NATASHA: Oh, just think, Fearless Leader,

once you take over London,

the rest of world leaders will hand over the keys to their cities.

Yes. And then, when you realize you have more land than you need,

you can give some to me,

so I can rule my own little part of the world.

(LAUGHING)

(NERVOUS CHUCKLES)

What? Can't I have, like, one tiny city of my own?

I'm going to call it, Borisburg.

Oh, please tell me there isn't a jingle.

♪ There are no stops signs in Borisburg

♪ There ain't no reading in Borisburg

♪ Fireworks every night in Borisburg

♪ What do you say to letting me have Borisburg? ♪

I'll think about it.

And, world domination, here I come.

(ROARS)

Okay, after consulting a globe

and actually looking at the keys when typing,

this should finally get you to London.

Yeah, there's no way

you can get me to go back in that thing.

Sure, there is. Watch.

Nice. Okay, Moosey.

We'll stay here and work on a way to stop Humongalon with science.

Now, go.

Cannonball.

(GROANS) Ouch.

Quick, Bullwinkle, we have to warn everybody

to get out of the city before the monster gets here.

NARRATOR: But, as Rocky and Bullwinkle

bravely raced to warn all of London of their impending doom...

People of London, you got to get out of here.

A giant hideous monster is coming.

NARRATOR: They were surprised by the reaction.

(ALL CHEERING) Hooray!

BOTH: Come again?

We love monsters now.

After the Moose Monster fixed Big Ben...

-(BELL TOLLS) -...we'll never judge a monster wrongly again.

You don't understand. I was that monster.

Until our butler arrived and took us in a likely-stolen harrier jet

to a Weird Monster Island,

to meet a bad, mad scientist who owned the spooky house

where I found the monster serum and...

-(CRICKETS CHIRPING) -Where'd everybody go?

(CHEERING)

Yeah, we're doomed.

(ROARS)

(CHEERING)

Hello. Hello.

Goodbye.

(ROARS)

Okay. Maybe this new monster isn't as nice as the last one?

(ALL SCREAMING)

-(ROARING) -(ALARM BEEPING)

(ALARM BLARING)

(ROARING)

(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)

Bang. Crash. Smash.

Mash. Mash. Mash.

Mush. Crash. Smash. Bang.

Hokey smokes. It's unstoppable.

What can we do?

Well, the first thing we can do

is pull that thorn out of its foot so it'll stop screaming.

(ROARS)

Then, with the city a little quieter,

we can think of a way to stop it.

Bullwinkle, it's like that classic story,

The Lion and the Mouse that we're ripping off.

If we can pull that thorn out, he'll be nice.

If only there were a way to get close enough to pull it out.

But we'd need something fast.

With, like, a big monster grabber on top.

MONSTER BROS: Awesome. Yeah.

The time has come, Monster Bros.

To win back our monster-cred

by catching the biggest beast of them all, yo.

And with our dope, newly-upgraded monster van

with big monster grabber,

-nothing can stop the Monster Bro... -(ENGINE REVS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Just get me close enough to grab that thorn

and let's turn this mean monster nice.

(ROARING)

(GROWLING)

Almost got it.

(BEEPING)

And now to pull it.

(GROWLS)

(SIGHS)

And now he'll be a nice and sweet monster.

Episode over. Good night, everybody.

(GRUNTING) Hmm.

(ROARS)

Or, with no thorn, it means he can stomp even harder now.

We made him want to stomp more?

(GROWLS)

MONSTER BROS: You trashed the Bro van.

Ah, I, like, still owe my Dads

tons of money for those sick upgrades.

Yeah, well, (STUTTERS) you, you can buff that out...

Fly, Squirrel.

-(KEYS JANGLE) -(CAR ALARM BEEPS)

With the monster scarifying all of London,

world leaders are meeting right now at the palace,

debating whether or not

they should give world control to Fearless Leader.

Here's our action-copter reporter, Dale Darington, with more.

Thanks, Darla. I'm here with Fearless Leader.

So, Fearless, real talk,

what are your list of demands for surrender?

I want the keys to all the cities

in the entire world and, uh...

And there's going to be a new city called Borisburg.

I said I'd think about it.

The world leaders have one hour to meet my demands.

(ALL GASPING)

Or, their cities will also meet Humongalon.

(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)

NARRATOR: Will Fearless Leader finally fulfill his

evil dream and take over the world?

Will Natasha stop mugging for the camera?

Can Dr. Lesso find a way to stop Humongalon and save the world?

Probably not.

NARRATOR: And, will Rocky and Bullwinkle's next monster-stopping plan

be better than their last ones?

Oh, you know it.

Charge.

(GROWLS)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

NARRATOR: That's a big no.

But find out what happens next after this word from...

Wait, this can't be right. Borisburg?

Want to live in a city where life and reading can't get you down?

Then come to Borisburg.

In Borisburg, there are no annoying red lights to slow you down.

Every light is green all the time.

-(HORN HONKING) -(CRASHING)

And there are no books in Borisburg.

'Cause so many pages with tiny, tiny letters

and no pictures is total hassle, right?

And in Borisburg, every night is fireworks night.

Borisburg, where all your dreams

and hatred of reading come true.

FEARLESS LEADER: I never said you could have this part of town.

Please.

FEARLESS LEADER: No.

BOTH: Borisburg!

NARRATOR: Yeah, there's no way I'm living there.

Okay. Back to the show.

Where Fearless Leader waited for all the world leaders

to bring him all the keys to all the cities in the world.

Yoo-hoo. You have ten minutes to give me all the keys.

And check it, Fearless Leader.

I've designed you some Fearless Money,

for when you take over the world.

Ooh. There's me on the Evil Ten.

There's me on the Evil Twenty.

Ooh. I look so evil on the Evil Fifty. And...

What? If Boris gets his own city,

I should get my face on the hund-o.

Only me on the money.

-But you can have a city, too. -What?

Want to live in a city with upscale, espresso-fueled art cafes,

high-tech office lofts and literacy?

Then come to Natasha Heights.

We have super convenient metro access.

And located right across the street from Borisburg.

Your town sucks.

(CRASHES)

BOTH: Borisburg!

(PANTS) Who builds a town without stop lights?

NARRATOR: No one.

And with only minutes remaining before Fearless Leader

would get all the keys to all the cities in the world,

our desperate heroes race back to Weird Monster Island.

Cannonball.

(PANTING) Yeah, we need science, and fast.

Well, you're in luck.

I've just created a de-monstering formula

that should shrink Humongalon

back to his Regular-sized-alon friendly self.

Well, where is it?

A dog biscuit?

A monster biscuit.

The formula is hidden inside.

It also promotes strong teeth and a shiny coat.

A glowing, giant dog biscuit.

Ugh, that looks so...

delicious.

Don't eat that.

Then how about a lick?

(GROWLS)

The formula in that biscuit

is specifically designed for a giant nasty monster.

There's no telling what it would do to a regular moose.

Uh, could you give us, like, your top three guesses?

Well, it could make you explode,

liquefy your bones,

or turn you into a megabeast,

just as big and terrifying as Humongalon himself.

Okay, suddenly, I've lost my appetite.

But the evil monocle guy

controls the monster's every move with that saddle.

Including his mouth.

What if Humongalon doesn't go for the giant treat?

Oh, it will.

Because I built a mouth-opening loophole

into every one of my monsters,

a tickle spot.

All monsters are genetically ticklish,

just to the right of the tummy.

Please don't.

-(CHUCKLES) -(GROANS)

-See? -Okay.

So once we get the monster to open its mouth,

how do we drop the world-saving biscuit?

Ask a silly question...

Look, Humongalon.

The world leaders are bringing me the keys to all the cities.

(CHUCKLES)

What is that?

-Here, boy. -(BELL DINGING)

Get the treat.

Get it.

(PANTING)

No. No beast treats until I get the keys to the cities.

Looks like it's time for operation "Tickle Spot."

Cannonball!

Uh, what is going on.

What are you doing?

(GRUNTING)

(CROWD GASPING)

It's that moose and squirrel taking on the monster.

They're crazy.

They're also the only chance we've got.

Almost there.

Get ready, Rocky.

Coochy-coochy-coo.

(SQUEALS)

Now.

I've only got one sh*t at this.

No, no, no.

Why aren't these controls working?

So close.

(SCREAMS)

Ooh.

And ze moose is up.

(BULLWINKLE SCREAMING)

And it's good.

Bullwinkle!

NARRATOR: And with that extra point,

it looked like Fearless Leader had won,

because he got all the keys to all the cities in the world.

Yes!

Now I can finally play

my take-over-the-world-party-mix

I made so long ago.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

NARRATOR: As Humongalon danced in victory,

all Londoners and the world leaders slumped in sadness.

But nobody was sadder than Rocky...

Bullwinkle.

NARRATOR: ...who lost his best friend.

It could liquefy your bones,

or turn you into a megabeast just as big as Humongalon.

No, it's too dangerous.

But he's the only chance we've got.

Who the heck are you?

Get out of this underwater memory bubble.

Hey. What are you all doing down here?

Why don't you come to Borisburg, eh?

Or if you don't want to be a moron,

come to Natasha Heights.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

FEARLESS LEADER: People of ze world.

As your new evil leader,

the first thing I will do is, uh...

-(THUDDING) -(CROWD GASPING)

What is that? What is that sound?

(ROARING)

Bullwinkle, what did you do?

I ate the biscuit.

What? Don't worry, I saved you a piece.

(GASPS)

Oh, you want some of this?

Well, it's monster-battle mix time, baby.

BORIS: ♪ There are no stops signs in Borisburg

♪ There ain't no reading in Borisburg... ♪

(NERVOUS CHUCKLES) Oh, wait.

-Wrong side. -(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

NARRATOR: And so, the monster battle for London,

and the world, was on.

Humongalon

versus, Humonga-moose.

You got this, monster buddy.

(ROARS)

(ALL GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(CHEERING)

(GRUNTING)

-(YELLING) -(CROWD GASPING)

NARRATOR: Oh, no.

Bullwinkle is down for the count.

But he's back up.

No, now he's down again.

(ROARS)

It's too strong.

If only there was some way to give monster Bullwinkle the edge.

Like an energy boost for beasts.

MONSTER BROS: (DEPRESSED CHATTERING)

Sad Monster Bros.

Do you have enough Beast Blast

to give a beast-boost to my buddy?

Yeah, we do.

But how do you get a two-ton totally broken-down monster van

with Beast Blast turbo hose delivery technology up that high, yo?

It would take a monster miracle, bro.

(GROANING)

♪ I've got him right where I want him

♪ And nothing can stop me ♪

Hokey Smokes.

(ROARS)

ALL: Beast Blast.

(GULPING)

First the burp...

(BURPING)

(THUDS)

And then the blast.

Uh-oh. This can't be good.

So, no Borisburg?

Or Natasha Heights?

What do you think?

(HUMONGALON GROWLS)

(ROARS)

I think Humongalon looks angry at us

for using him to do our evil bidding.

Yep. Back to Pottsylvania.

(ALL SCREAMING)

BULLWINKLE: Gotcha.

Time for a megamonster tail twister.

(GRUNTING AND YELLING)

We did it.

NARRATOR: And so, with Humongalon

tail-twisted and defeated, all the world celebrated,

as Rocky and Bullwinkle returned all the keys

to all the cities in the world.

BOTH: Yeah.

NARRATOR: The Monster Bros,

now redeemed for helping save the world,

decided to go back to college and pursue degrees in engineering.

ALL: No way, bro.

NARRATOR: Go to college and get a life, yo.

ALL: Okay.

NARRATOR: And, as our evil villains escaped to Pottsylvania,

Fearless Leader consoled himself by cranking his

"I'll-get-you-next-time" mix.

BORIS: ♪ There are no stops signs in Borisburg... ♪

Ugh, wrong side.

(GRUNTS)

NARRATOR: As for our butler,

he decided to stay part-monster

when he realized he can make a ton of cash

being the new Beast Blast spokes-monster

and was able to hire his own butler.

And Dr. Lesso, and all of her monsters lived happily ever after,

now that she turned Humongalon

back to the much nicer Regular-sized-alon.

(EXCITED CHATTERING)

NARRATOR: And with Dr. Lesso's back-to-normal antidote,

our fearless fuzzy friends returned to Frostbite Falls,

ready for their next adventure, whatever that may be.

Hey, Rocky. Ever dream of being a huge-mega-superstar king of rock?

Oh, you know it.

NARRATOR: It might have something to do with music.

Uh, guys, I'm trying to narrate here.

Are you done rocking?

BOTH: Not even close.

NARRATOR: See you next time, on the amazing,

and loud, Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)