01x01 - The Good the Bad and the Snotty/Escape from the Barnyard

[bunniefuu]

I'm just heading to the fields, duke, I'll be back.

[Animal noises]

Clear!

[♪...]

All right!

"Rat-abunga!"

Man: ♪ from the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing...

[Animals cheering]

♪ ...through the night

Ow, ow, ok, ow.

Ow!

Whoo!

♪ Do-si-do your partner, now

♪ Gonna party now till the morning light ♪

♪ Do-si-do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll. ♪

Ha-ha!

[♪...]

All right, come on, let's go, people.

We're losing light, we're way over budget.

Freddy, are you ready on camera over there?

[Freddy moaning, licking lips]

Cow: freddy?

What, what, no, what, what, yes.

Pig?

Satellite dish locked and loaded.

Then roll sound.

Quiet, we're rolling sound.

Speed.quiet, everybody.

Quiet.

What? I can't hear you.

Quiet!

I didn't say anything.

Quiet!

Oh, now it's really quiet.

Shh... Is everybody ready?

And... Showtime.

[Snoring]

[Bullhorn blares]

Ah, sergeant.

Howdy!

Farmer billy bob here.

Folks, are you cuckoo for root vegetables?

Are you hankering to spice up your dull couch potato routine?

Well, put on your fun pants, pull up your socks, and head over to t-t-t-turnip con.

Turnip con?

That's right, turnip con.

Meet the turnip queen, take your photo with the world's ugliest turnip...

Soothe tired feet with dr. Taproot's turnip tonic.

Enjoy authentic turnip crafts.oh.

And it all starts today.

Now here's registered trademark tippy the turnip to tell you how to get there.

I'm tippy the turnip.

Just get on route and drive, man, drive.

Don't stop for nothing.

You listening, farmer?

Then why are you still sitting there?

Get off your butt and...

I'm going to turnip con.

♪ Turnip con, turnip con, I'm going to turnip con... ♪

He's going, he's going, he's going, he's still going...

Still going, he's taking a little break...

He just petted a sheep, and he's going again.

Duke...

What, he's gone.

[All cheering]

That was fun.

Now let's do a commercial for roll-on deodorant.

Oh, I get to be the armpit.

No, now we move on to stage two.

[Gasps] that's my favorite stage.

Well, as I'm sure you all know, tomorrow's my birthday.

And I'm throwing us the biggest bash this barn has ever seen.

Come on.

[All cheering]

Hold up, you got rid of the only man standing between us and a sesame seed bun

So we can celebrate the day you came into the world?

Come on, bessie, take the journey with me.

There's gonna be music, dancing, six-foot sandwiches.

A three-inch don juan.

I'm gonna be sick.

And when the farmer comes back, delicious turnip birthday cake.

[Laughs]

Pig, there is no turnip con.

Ah, got ya... But the slop fairy is real, right?

No!

Ok, eugene, last chance to see me in "clowns on ice."

No way.

Being a clown is a weird job.

Your job's weird.

Oh, it's not that weird.

Hey, maybe you'll follow in my footsteps one day.

Yeah, like in a million trillion years, no.

I mean, what are you gonna do, anyway?

Join cirque du so lame?

Ha-ha, I made a funny.

[Clown horn honks]

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, there's my little cherub.

Hello, auntie nora.

You look beautiful today.

Well, aren't you the sweetest thing?

Make yourself comfortable

While I make us all some greek drinking yogurt and pita chips.

Sure, thanks.

You look like you're made of wood.

I bet you have termites.

[Singsong]: uncle has termites, ha-ha.

Bet you five dollars I know karate.

[Sighs]

[Grunting]

[Crash, glass shatters]

[Panting]

[Whimpering]

Hey, you're getting a little close...

[Glass shatters]

[Sighs]

Uncle broke the tv.

What?

Why you...

Ha-ha.

[Gasps] nathan, be more careful.

His skin is so tender.

Eugene's gonna be with us the whole weekend.

[Doorbell rings]

Just sever my neck bone, take me out.

Going to turnip con.

Need someone to watch the farm.

Nathan: farm?

My nephew will do it.

Boy's a born farmhand.

No, I'm not, I hate farms.

Naw, he's just being modest.

No, he's lying, and he's made of wood.

Absolutely not, farmer.

He'll just lie around all day reading comic books...

Playing violent video games, eating sugary snacks.

I'm doing it.

Yeah, two whole days with no farmer to sap our party mojo.

[Cell phone rings]yo, bono, what's up, bro?

Name's otis.

Listen, uh, won't you and your boys play a little shindig I'm having?

Looking good on the human piñata, pip, way to go.

Uh, the pay.

Well, um, let's just say

You'll be bringing home lots of lettuce.

Hey, I see you, pig.

[Snorts] um... Whoa.

[Crash]

Oh, and by the way, the guests are all gonna be wearing animal costumes, really good ones.

It's just something we do.

Snotty boy, two o'clock.

What?

Oh, milk me... What's he doing here?

I gotta call you back, b, tell the edge I said hi.

Pack it up, people, come on, enemy presence.

This is not a drill.

Code three, code three.

Well, well, well...

Look at all the stinky animals.

You're all stupid.

You can't add two plus two, you know why?

'Cause you're stupid, stinky, stupid, stinky.

Stupid, stinky, stupid, stinky, stupid, stinky.

I can do that a long time.

The farmer says you have to do everything I say.

So get out of my way!

He seems nice... Or, wait, not nice.

What's the word?

It's on the tip of my tongue.

Oh, yes, dangerously insane.

Stupid, stinky.

Hey, stupid stinkies.

Look at what I brought you.

A big bowl of delicious frozen mini-pizzas.

Whatever you do, do not eat the...

[Chicken clucking]

[Animals chewing]

All right, I guess it's all right.

Eugene: hope you like it.

I made it with love...

And flaming hot chili sauce.

[Animals exclaiming]

[Eugene cackles]

Man, you guys are lightweights.

Aw, is it too spicy?

Maybe this will help.

Ha-ha.

[Snickers]

Oh, you're shivering.

You should try huddling together for warmth.

Stupid stinkies.

[Cackling...]

Ha-ha.

Now you're all clumpy.

Bye, stupid, stinky clump.

Ha-ha.

What a horrible, horrible boy.

Can someone tell me where I am?

Unless it's gross.

Hey, pig, why are you crying?

I'm not crying... From my eyes.

[Animals screaming...]

Whoa... Whoa...

[Crash]

Get off my tail.

Is everyone all right?

Do I look like I'm all right?

Do you not see a chicken glued to my butt?

[Clears throat] I'm a rooster.

[Squawks]

Hey, she has a point, o.

If you hadn't sent the farmer away, we wouldn't be stuck here with this little freak.

[Animals murmuring agreement]

Guys, I got it covered.

This kid's an amateur.

I mean, hot sauce, water g*ns... What's next, a whoopee cushion?

We're gonna show this little brat how this game is really played.

[Snoring]

Wearing a stupid red...

[Sniffs] mm... Huh?

Hey.

[Grunting]

You stupid, delicious moving corn dog, come here.

Ah, who's there?

I'm warning you, I know karate.

Is everybody ready?

And... Showtime.

[Yelling]

And cue honey.

[Whimpering...]

[Mousetraps snapping]

[Gasping]: I'm telling my auntie.

Whoever you are, you're in big, big trouble.

Ladies?

[Grunt]

[Whimpering]

[Yells]

[Crash]

Who's doing this to me?

[Grunting]

Got ya.

You're a stupid corn dog and I win.

Ha-ha... Whoa!

[Animals cheering]

Mission accomplished.

Thanks to my deft leadership, the party is once again a big g-o, go.

Why is everybody so quiet?

Is there something in my teeth?

Can you see it?

Let me get this straight.

You get rid of the farmer, end up bringing in that beady-eyed little dirtbag into the barnyard

And you still expect us to throw you a huge party?

Pretty much.

I'm good with that.

[Animals cheering...]

[♪...]

What in the heck...

Huh, corn dog.

[Screams]

I can fly.

Ow, that stings.

I told you we shouldn't have let him go over there.

Aw, for saddle's sake, nora.

You ain't gonna make no progress that way.

Eugene: hey, that's not funny.

Oh, dear, be careful, nathan.

He's so precious.

Relax, woman.

I can do this with my eyes closed. [Chuckles]

Eugene: get away from me...

[♪...]

Whoo-hoo, look at me, I'm the farmer.

Howdy, I've worn overalls for years.

Pip, can you focus, please?

You just made me smear the face.

Do I have to get someone else to pose for my cream cheese statue of the farmer?

Oh, pick me, pick me.

I'll pose for you.

Let me be the farmer.

[Sobbing]: I want to be the farmer.

I've earned this.

I should be the farmer.

He and I are tight like that.

Dude, you are such a kiss-up.

Not true.

I have never kissed the farmer.

I do admit to doing some licking, but that's perfectly normal canine behavior.

I find the man to be very refreshing.

Hey, leonardo de dumb-dumb.

You said you were gonna help abby deal with the tick infestation.

I'll clean your ticks.

Touch me, you go from mouse to mouse pad.

Later.

Come on, otis.

Those ticks won't stand a chance against my new lady beautiful styling combs.

[Gibbering] this is much more important.

And... There.

The perfect gift for farmer appreciation week.

We got a sweet deal here, folks, and it's time to show the man some gratitude.

[Gulps] well said, otis.

Pig, would you stop eating the farmer's head?

[Gulps]

[Horn honks]pip: delivery truck.

Sweet crispy cud.

Is that what I think it is?

Freddy: it's dark and scary.

It's filled with evil.

Uh, wrong, not evil.

It's a new high-tech digital sound system, and we get to use it when the farmer's out.

Now, is this guy awesome or what?

That doesn't look like a sound system.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, excuse me, miss nosy udders.

I think I know state-of-the-art technology when I see it.

Come on, everybody, let's go check it out.

[Dialing phone]

[Phone ringing]

[Farmer mumbling]

Works every time.

Pip: "the quick fryer mark iv," hm.

That's a weird name for a stereo.

No, no, no, no, watch and learn, ok?

The cds go in here...

Then you crank up the volume right here...

[Flame turns on]

And then you run away screaming.

[Screaming]

Otis: what's happening, what's happening, what's happening?

Ok, so... Not a sound system.

[Sniffs] mm, something smells scrumptious.

I mean, disturbing.

I knew that thing was evil.

E-e-e-evil.

Stop that.

Otis, whether we want to admit it or not, the farmer has purchased...

A barbecue grill.

[Animals murmuring]

Yay, I love kebabs.

Sorry.

I love kebabs too, you know, but not if I know the kebab-ee.

All right, enough with the kebabs, ok?

It is not a barbecue.

The farmer is a total vegan, guys.

Vegan, my rump.

You know what I heard?

I heard he ate an entire village down in mexico.

'K, pretty sure that's not true.

The farmer has absolutely no interest in meat whatsoever.

Here comes the carnivore.

[Thunder crashes]

It's time, sheep.

[Baaing]

This is horrible.

My dearest friends are going to be barbecued.

[Sobbing]

Mmm... I mean... [Sobbing]

I'm too young to be eaten, too young.

Dude, get a grip.

You're a dog, the farmer's not going to eat you.

What, you're saying I wouldn't be nice with some low-fat chips and a nice cherry cola?

All right, enough with the chips and the cola.

This is crazy talk, people, come on.

Even if the farmer came in and dipped us in seasonings

I still wouldn't believe it.

Pip: captain cold cuts, two o'clock.

[Thunder crashes]

[Muttering]

"Pour olive oil, dip calf."

"Add garlic salt, let sit for six hours."

Six hours....

He's marinating joey in olive oil.

And I would've used teriyaki and a chicken or cornish game hen.

But that's if I craved flesh, which I don't.

How can I look you in the raisin eyes again?

Oh, I got dibs.

Everyone, the farmer has betrayed us.

So pack your things, we're leaving the barnyard... Forever.

Hey, who's got bagels?

Pip: we're ready to go, otis.

Has the escape pod been built to my exact specifications?

Yeah, listen, we couldn't get an escape pod

So we had to go a little more low-tech.

Ok, so no warp drive.

Um, no.

Thrusters?uh-uh.

Air brakes?no.

Doors?negative.

Is there a floor?

Uh, define floor.

All right, well, uh, we got hot air.

That's a thing, right? Where do we get that?

You don't want to know.

[Toilet flushes]

My work here is done.

All right, people, listen up.

A daring aerial escape is our only hope.

Now, it's gonna be a tight squeeze, so carefully...

Farmer!

[Animals screaming]

Guys, no, come on, form a line, stay with your buddy.

Look out, come on, pig, don't step on him...

[Crash]

Aw, dang termites.

Always chewing on some dang thing.

[Animals clamoring]

[Chicken clucks]

[Glass shatters, car alarm blaring]

Nathan randall, are we insured for damage caused by flying barnyard animals?

Aw, got a postcard from your brain today.

It's having a wonderful time.

Oh, ha-ha-ha, make fun of me.

Well, I'll tell you something, mister...

Aw, somebody just take me out.

Take me out.

Did I get a postcard?

Otis, do you know where you're going?

Relax, I'm just heading for that bank of dark storm clouds to avoid being spotted.

[Balloon deflating, animals screaming...]

Otis: well, that wasn't so bad.

[Screaming]

[Groaning]

Is everyone ok?what do you think?

[Sniffs] I smell like bacon.

Otis?

Oh, I know what you're gonna say.

"Never fly into a lightning storm."

I was going to say that, but then I took a good look around.

[Animals gasp]

I think we're gonna like it here.

[♪...]

Whee!

En garde.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Yee-haw!

Hoo-hoo-hoo!

[♪...]

Ooh!

Oh, pig, the pond is perfect for my water ballet.

[Laughs] we are in paradise.

Look at this haul.

Tater tots, pizza...

Chicken salad, turkey jerky...

It's like some beautiful poultry-filled dream.

Hold me.

[Grunts]

That's what I'm talking about.

Birdie off the greenskeeper's cabeza,nice.

Let me tee that up for you, pip, old pal.

Why'd you leave me behind, otis?

I was counting on you.

Joey?

I'm all oily.

There's nothing I can do.

It was the farmer, th-the farmer!

Otis, who are you talking to?

Huh, what, no...

Oh, no, no one. [Laughs]

I gotta go wash this thing, it's too chatty...

I mean dirty, it's very dirty.

And oily.

I mean... [Chuckles] you guys.

Is he all right?

He's still upset about the farmer.

You know how it is when a friend tries to barbecue you.

Ok, keep it together, otis, you got it, everything's fine, everyone's happy.

Just relax and enjoy.

You're a tower of stillness.

Hey, otis.

Got any mint jelly for my leg?

No, I don't think... [Screams]

Why are you there?

Ok, just ignore it. [Laughs]

[Breathing heavily]

How do you like your friends, otis, grilled or honey roasted?

[Laughing echoes]

[Screams]

I can't imagine...[Yells]

Playing through.

Ooh, yes, don't mind if I do.

Why, thank you, I will.

No, after you.

Huh?

Drop everything, people, we're going back.

[Sighs] hold tight, my deliciously packaged friends.

I will return.

Otis, we can't leave.

I knocked three strokes off my game since we've been here.

We have to save our friends.

Now, the farmer we loved is gone for good...

But we can still end his carnivorous reign of terror.

Mm, pass.

Pass.pass.

Big pass, huge pass.

That's pathetic.

Did luke skywalker pass when he had to blow up the death star?

Did tarzan pass when jane was threatened by the chimp king?

Did that guy pass when he had to do the thing...

In the place... With those people?

You bet he didn't!

Now, who's with me?

[Cricket chirping]

[High-pitched voice]: get in the cart or the cow gets it.

[All talking at once]

Please don't hurt him.

Hang tough, guys.

It may take weeks to find our home.

Heck, it may even take months.

But so help me...

We're here.

I knew that.

Pip: the farmer just put someone in the barbecue.

And now he's headed back to the field.

For another victim, no doubt.

We gotta save whoever's in that grill.

Open up, open, hi-ya!

[Grunts]

Why won't you open?

[Grunting]

[Gasping]

Uh, otis, otis?

Uh, try pushing that button that says "open."

Oh, right.

[Screams] do you mind?

I'm barely dressed here.

Sheep?

You're not barbecued.

And you don't have wool, ah.

The farmer clipped me with his new shearing knives as part of my tick treatment.

Tick treatment?

Why do you think I'm lying here?

These lights k*ll ticks on contact.

It's a tick-k*lling machine?

What about oily joey and all of his olive oil?

Ah, the oil soothes your skin

While you wait for your treatment.

[Singing]: oily, oily, oily...

Farmer was just taking care of us.

Huh, you hear that?

He's not a carnivorous fiend.

Whoo-hoo!

[♪...]

Good boy.

Good boy... No. [Yells]

[Sighs] it is really good to be home.

Pip: that thing looks exactly like the farmer.

Otis: really, you think?

Pip: the neck brace really highlights the eyes.

[Grunting]

Oh, that hurts.

Looks better without the head.

Both: pig?

[♪...]

[♪...]

♪ That's just the way we animals roll. ♪

Man: oh... [Echo]