01x21 - Some Like it Snotty

[bunniefuu]

I'm just heading to the fields, duke, I'll be back.

[Animal noises]

Clear!

[♪...]

All right!

"Rat-abunga!"

Man: ♪ from the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing...

[Animals cheering]

♪ ...through the night

Ow, ow, ok, ow.

Ow!

Whoo!

♪ Do-si-do your partner, now

♪ Gonna party now till the morning light ♪

♪ Do-si-do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll. ♪

Ha-ha!

[♪...]

[Yawns]

Mornin'.

Noise!

[Chickens clucking]

Morning, ladies.

Ah, gonna be a great day.

[Bicycle bell rings]

[Humming]

[Roaring]

[Screaming]

[Gasping]

Ah.

Paperboy: every morning.

Stupid bears.

Papers are here.

Dairy's still strong in the market.

I'm on a winning team.

Looks like parliament's at it again.

Dude, we've been over this, you can't read.

I thought it would sound better than

Hey, look, "blobbety-gloop, blobbety-blah."

I love the life and style section.

Sweet cud, the new rock-a-bowl lase-arium bowling alley is opening tonight- and it's free.

Free bowling, lasers?

Wow, laser bowling.sounds pretty cool.

What'll they think of next?

So not fair, humans get to have all the fun.

Uh-oh, otis is getting that look.

Yeah, you're right, it's the look.

Oh, now he's grinning, that's not good.

I just hate it when he grins or is happy in any way at all.

Is that wrong?

In three, two, one.

We are totally dressing up like human teenagers

And going to the rock-a-bowl lase-arium tonight!

What?are you out of your mind?

Did you just say that?have you gone mad?

Otis, that's crazy.

You want to risk dressing up as human just to go bowling?

We'd be crazy not to do it.

It's a simple mathematical equation.

Bowling plus lasers plus us

Equals mucho"fun-iente."

And it's free.

Personally, I have no money and no pockets

So that's a sweet fit.

Hold up, rump roast, check the fine print.

It's ladies night, only girls get in for free.

Otis: what, let me see that.

Wah-wah.

Oh, man, what a rip.

Girls get all the breaks.

Otis, that's a load of potatoes and you know it.

Oh, please,girls get doors held open for them

They get to dot their "i"s with little hearts

They almost never have to work on chain gangs.

Oh, give me a break.

You wouldn't last a day as a girl.

Oh, I wouldn't. No.

Well, just you watch us.

Yeah... What?

Wig up, guys, we're crashing ladies' night.

Uh, nuh-uh.what?

Although I do look good in a skirt.

I assume.

Oh, right. Oh, yeah.

Man: ♪ making us up like girls

♪ Putting some of this on and a little bit of that ♪

♪ Put some red stuff on there and put on a dress ♪

♪ No, it's not weird at all

♪ Maybe just a little weird.

Otis: all right, guys, grab an eyeful.

Wow. [Wolf whistles]

Hot stuff.ai-ai.

Hey, how come I have to be on the inside?

Because I'm a hottie.

Now I don't know why you girls gave us these clothes

It's just gonna help me prove my point.

Oh, we're happy to.

Yeah, now you can test your theory about how girls get all the breaks.

Oh, we'll test it, all right.

[Clears throat]

[In girlish voice]: come on, ladies, let's hit the lanes.

I guess I'm too small to go with you guys.

Otis: oh, really, "pookie the chihuahua"?

[Barking]

Ok, ladies, let's move it out.

Let's do it.coming through.

[Laughing]

Man: ♪ well, I got style to burn and looks to match ♪

♪ I'm a beauty queen, I'm quite the catch ♪

♪ Hairy legs and massive thighs ♪

♪ I disgust the girls, confuse the guys ♪

Huh?

Whoa...

Man: ♪ ...wonder why my neck's so thick ♪

♪ But I don't care, I know I'm hot ♪

[Vomiting]

Man: ♪ living a lie, living a lie ♪

♪ Living a lie, we're living a lie. ♪

[Song ends]

Hey, you, like, put that rope right in front of me.

Open it up or I'm gonna get you in big trouble.

Ladies are free, you dorks pay $.

Yeah, right.

$, So not happening.

Dude, that's so not happening.

Then you don't get in.

We didn't want to come in, anyway.

Bowling's stupid and the shoes are lame, right, guys?

Right.totally stupid.

Have fun being a bowling doorman.

Give him the treatment, fellows.

You're a bowling doorman.stupid bowling doorman.

Here, let me open the door for some bowlers.

Bowling doors.

You want to bowl in this building?

Mr. Bowler.

[Laughs mockingly]

You were just so punked by my posse.

That's right, I have a posse and you don't.

Come on.

[Whispers]: hey, laugh, so it seems like we won.

[All laughing]

Are we there yet?

These heels are k*lling me.

That is a small price to pay for looking so fine.

Oh, this is crazy, otis.

Only a complete idiot is gonna believe we're really girls.

What?

[♪...]

Well, hello, pretty mamas.

[Giggles]

Fresh. Ow.

Yeah, ow.

Hey...

I like a girl with massive forearms.

What middle school do you gals go to?

Oh, [giggles nervously]

You know, the one in the middle.

Across from the other thing.

Well, gotta go- [screams]

You should totally ask 'em.

[Both clamoring]

Right, I'm asking, ok.

Uh, you super-fine mamacitas should, like, totally go out with us on a date.

[Coughs] rather starve.

[Coughs] definitely not.

[Coughs] no.

Before you answer...

Check out these sweet salsa moves.

Oh, here comes the heat.

[Grunting]

There's no stopping the mojo.

[Grunts] ow, ow.

[Laughs] dig.

Need I say more?

It's totally date time.

[Coughs] get us out of this.

[Coughs] let's leave.

[Coughs] still "no."

[Giggles] we'd love to go out with you.

Just give us a few minutes to freshen up someplace where you're not. [Giggles]

[Breathing heavily]

Come on, let's ditch these outfits and get back to guy-hood.

Oh, you got that right.

Oh, great, my dress is stuck.

My wig won't come off.

What the cud?

Dudes, I think somebody put glue in your outfits.

Glue, no one puts glue in outfits, who would put...

Abby!

And bessy.

And bessy! [Echoing]

Ah, the sweet sound of a moron's lament.

[Laughing]

Hey, there, they are.

Don't worry, I got a stink b*mb in my purse.

Dude, I took it out to make room.

What, why didn't you guys take a shoulder bag?

It'd clash with my earrings.

Oh, no, I'm gonna be permanently hot.

Here they come.

So, you ladies want to grab some pizza?

It's on us.

Well, you boys are all totally somewhat mildly unappealing

But I'm afraid we- on you?

Yep, every stinking bite you take

Will be completely because of me.

Well, maybe just one date. [Giggles]

What?otis, what are you talking about?

[Speaking indistinctly]

Ok, right this way, just follow me.

♪ You know you like me, you know you do ♪

♪ Just follow me around, whoo-hoo-hoo. ♪

Lead the way to free-food town.

Otis.

What do you think you're doing?

Hello, free pizza.

The bowling alley had free admission

But I can't eat that.

At least the night won't be a total loss.

Oh, are you sure you can pay?

Like, "shu-duh."

My dad gave me money to buy cream for his painful skin condition

But I filled the tube with hand soap and pocketed the dough.

My, aren't you the clever little troll.

[Laughs mockingly], that's right.

I'm a "pont-erpreneur."

Oh, you have your own little troll language.

Can I take your order?

Shu-double-duh, what a goof.

Um, we'll take the...

Vegetarian pizzas, four double cheese

And six of the house special deep-dish, please.

Bark, bark.

Oh, yes, and a jalapeño cannoli for pookie.

Do you have any live fowl?

Uh, not to eat, to... Observe. [Chuckles nervously]

Oh, and keep the cheese bread coming.

You heard the ladies.

And be quickabout it.

[Grunts]

[Pretending to yawn]

Um, I have rabies.

I'm not picky.

[Eating noisily]

I think you're totally cute.

[Giggles nervously]

[Eats noisily]

Freddy: oh, this is wonderful.

So good, mm-mm-mm.

Mm.

[Giggles nervously]

So after we're done here

Maybe you gals want to watch us tip over some stinky barn animals.

Hmm, um, let me think about that.

Augh, what are you doing?

Oops, my bad.

That comes out with club soda.

[Grunts]

Could someone pass the garlic salt?

My, aren't we having fun?

Well, I guess this is good night. [Giggles]

Not so fast, ladies.

We bought you pizza.

Now comes dessert.

[Grunting]

Kiss us, kiss us, kiss us, come on.

On the mouth.

Kissy...

[Grunting]

Oh, all right.

Otis: pig... Gotta go.

Pig: well, they did buy us pizza.

Hey. What the?

Aw, they're just playing hard to get.

And I love that because it's alluring, evasive and sexy.

I knew this would happen, there's no such thing as free pizza.

You got that right, girlfriend.

[Grunting and screaming]

Whew.

Ok, this might hurt a bit.

Pedestrians have the right of way.

Hey, that looks like fun, let me try.

Sea bass is a tender fish.

Danish pastries are good.

So, how'd the evening go, ladies?

Horrible.terrible.

Thanks to your little glue trick

We got stuck on a date with snotty boy and his pals.

Oh, too bad. [Laughs]

Otis, is there anything you'd like to say to us?

Oh, I don't know, abby.

I'll let you know after I go to super-smackdown championship wrestling

With snotty boy tuesday night!

Say what?

That's right, snotty boy offered me a free ticket

Thus proving my point that girls get all the breaks.

I think that glue seeped into his head.

Otis, you can't do this, it's...

Disgusting?

Vomit-inducing?

A good plot for a buddy comedy?

[♪...]

Chorus: ♪ cow in a dress and a bratty jerk ♪

♪ They're a crazy pair, but they make it work ♪

♪ One is always angry

♪ And one says "moo"

♪ Now they're in a buddy comedy show for you. ♪

Or maybe not. Yeah, no.

Aw, forget I mentioned it.

So what you're telling us is...

That's right.

Snotty and I are datin'.

[Gasping]

Horrifying, ain't it?

Otis, what on earth are you thinking?

You can't keep going out with snotty boy to get free stuff.

Oh, yes, I can.

It's called the law of the ladies, and I likes it.

You get asked out, eat free food and enjoy the free show.

A sweet deal all around.

I'm telling you right now.

If you play with his heart, you're gonna regret it.

Heart?

You mean that tiny, acid-soaked sack of gravel

That sits where his heart should be?

Come on, he's awful, rude, insulting and horrifying in every way.

Then why would you want to go anywhere with him?

Well, because it's wrestling!

[Violin music playing]

Ok, this is sonot the wrestling arena.

Of course not.

It's a stupid french restaurant

Because that's where you're supposed to go on a second date.

I know because I read it in a book called "make 'em like you."

Man: ♪ aw, baby

Wow, how endearing.

So now's the time we do the thing called "date talk."

So tell me about yourself.

I was born in a...

Snotty boy: whatever.

Let's skip this stupid stuff and talk about me.

I have a totally lame dad

Who wants me to follow in his footsteps

But I'm like "no way."

Well, while feigning interest, I would ask, "what does he do for a living?

It can't be that bad."

He's a professional clown.

I was wrong.

Who would want to be a stupid clown?

I hate it.

Now you shouldn't hate your father

Just because his job is being a clown.

[Mocking]: "oh, you shouldn't hate your father

Just because his job is being a stupid clown."

Ok, maybe it's best if I just...

Waiter: may I offer you our chef's complimentary appetizer plate?

Oh, don't mind if I do.

Mm, mm.

Is the lady ready to order this evening?

Yes, I'll have the...

Hold it, huge girl.

Oh, that's gonna be my pet name for you, "hugey."

I'm going to order for us, because I have coupons

And they're only good for certain items.

We'll both have the chez french coupon special beef patty.

It comes with hooves and it's totally free with my coupon.

Oh, no, I'm a vegetarian, I can't have meat.

Then starve!

[Waiter grunts]

Well, this is nice, isn't it?

You must be totally thinking

"Pretty sweet second date."

I don't know if I was totallythinking that.

[Thinking]: hang in there, buddy.

Just think wrestling, super-smackdown.

Free professional wrestling.

[Audience cheering]

Break his face.

Squeeze his ankles.

[In regular voice]: yes, this was totally worth it.

[In girlish voice]: you're going down, sgt. Sunshine!

Great seats, huh?

[In regular voice]: yeah, they're awesome.

[Clears throat]

[In girlish voice]: I mean, yes, they are delightfully situated.

[Chuckles] they'd better be.

These were, like, the premiere coupons of all time.

I had to call into a stupid radio station

, Times a day, every day, for a month.

And I won them because I'm a winner.

[In girlish voice]: that's interesting, I'm not listening to you.

[In regular voice]: punch him in the thymus gland!

Audience: one, two, three.

[Cheering]

Ok, folks, it's time for the audience tag-team.

[Cheering]

I need two gutsy volunteers

To go three minutes in the ring.

[Gasps] right here.

Wait, what, what are you doing?

Come on, we can win it.

I don't know, I'm retaining a lot of pizza right now,and i...

Oh, dear.

Announcer: we have a volunteer.

[Cheering]

Is that a girl?

Don't you just love it?

Perhaps this isn't the best idea.

Check out thishandsome couple.

Kids, cast your eyes across the ring and say hello to...

The bulk brothers.

[Grunting]

The bulk brothers?

Sweet.

Wow, we're going to die.

Come on, we only have to last, like, three minutes.

With your gigantic man-body, it's a sure thing.

[Grunting]

Ok, we can do this.

If we get into trouble, we'll keep tapping each other in.

Great, you go first.

What?

[Screaming]

One, two... [Screams]

Hey, I'm not sure that's exactly legal.

Ouchie.

Uh, lady here.

[Grunting]

Ok, ok, in trouble, tag in, tag in.

Oh, sorry, can't quite reach.

One minute, you're doing great, hugey.

No, I am not.

Hey, everybody, this is my date, hugey.

Like a pet name I have for her.

Wait a minute, I just want to clarify- [screams].

♪ Me and hugey, hugey and me ♪

Win that fight, hugey.

[Cheering]

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa...

[♪...]

Whew, I can't wait to see how otis gets out of this one.

[Chuckles]

But first, let's answer some of today's viewer mail.

Here's one from joe-joe, age .

"Dear pig, how can I get a girl to notice me?"

Well, joe-joe, allow me to demonstrate

Using science and dolls.

"La-la, la-la.

I'm a girl, I'm pretty."

"Hello, I'm a boy, I love you."

"Oh, this is so sudden.

Do you have a car and a food processor?"

"Yes, I have money."

"Whoa, what's your name?"

"That's not important, it is time for marriage.

Up, up, and away."

"My friends will be so jealous."

Well, I hope that helped.

Now back to the action.

Otis: whoa-whoa-whoa...

[Screaming]

Don't get any corndog on your shirt.

You can wear it to my funeral. [Grunts]

[Grunting]

[Grunting] tag, tag!

[Grunting]

[Laughing]

[Grunts] ok, that's it.

Excuse me.

Huh? Huh?

[In regular voice]: you're going down!

[Grunting]

[Groaning]

[Grunts]

[Screaming]

[Thudding]

Whoa.

Whoa.

[Cheering]

We have a winner.

I did it.

I completely and totally rock!

This is the best date ever!

We did it.

Pucker up, baby.

Pucker this.

[Groans] what a woman.

[Cheering]

[Humming]

[Sighs]

Hey, otis is back.

Dish, girlfriend.

Tell us everything.

Hey, otis, how was the date?

Gentlemen, that was amazing.

One of the greatest nights of my life.

Dude, you love being with snotty boy?

No, I hate the little freak, but I love all the stuff.

Otis, that is just so wrong.

Yeah, wrong like a fox... With stuff.

Wait a second, what's that?

Oh, are you noticing that?

Oh, yeah, that's just my championship belt.

[Chuckles] yeah, go ahead, touch it, it's real.

No, moron, she means that.

What, this ring thing?

Oh, I don't know, snotty boy gave it to me.

Probably some kind of wrestling souvenir or something.

No, it isn't.

It's some kind of a decoder ring.

And it's got his nameon it.

So, I mean, so what?

So what nothing.

Otis, you and snotty boy are going steady.

[Gasping]

Unconscious.

Ok, step aside, this should work.

Augh, skunk in my lungs!

What, what, what happened?

Oh, we were talking about how you're going steady with snotty boy.

Unconscious again.

That's ridiculous, I am not, I mean, that's not possible.

I think you two will make a wonderful couple.

Maybe you can live really far away.

I'll even help you pack.

What am I gonna do?

Come on, abby, you gotta help me here.

Gee, otis...

You said it's so easy and great being a girl and all.

It was easy during the freebie phase.

Now it's gotten all ringy, and I think I'm gonna be sicky.

Make him say it, abby.

Don't help him unless he says it.

All right.

I was wrong, you guys were right.

We shouldn't have posed as girls.

Or if we did, maybe just one time less.

Uh-uh-uh.

[Grunts] ok, not at all.

We shouldn't have done it at all, all right?

I should've listened to you.

You're smart, and I'm a dork.

Now what do I do, and can you do it for me?

You have to face this like a man.

You mean a dressed as a woman who's really a cow?

Exactly.

You have to give snotty boy his ring back and break up with him.

How do I do that, he'll never let me go.

I'm too wonderful.

You have to tell him you don't want to see him again.

That sounds hard.

How about I tell him i... Moved away?

That'll work, then really move away to make it look good.

Announcer: the next day.

Eugene, we need to talk.

I got you a corsage-y.

Let me pin it on your giant upper body.

No, my upper body's fine, look, eugene...

Snotty boy: pinning it.

Ok.snotty boy: you pin them.

Got it.snotty boy: pinny.

All right, eugene...

In life, many times there are separate ways...

Look out, duck down, it's my other girlfriend.

Your what?my other girlfriend.

The pretty one over there.

You had another girlfriend and you didn't even tell me?

How could you do this to me?

I thought we were going steady.

You got two-timed.

[Laughs mockingly]

I don't believe this.

Men are nothing but ungrateful, self-centered jerks.

Am I right, sister?

Come on, up top.

Man-stealer.

Two girls fighting over me.

Completely cool.

Whoa, hold on, you can have him, I hate the little monster.

You're the monster, you big home wrecker.

[Gasps][gasps]

Wait a minute.

[Neighing]

Huh? [Screams]

What?

Ew, you're both hideous.

That's it, it's over.

[Laughs mockingly]

So what'd you get out of him?

Eh, dinners, a little jewelry, some bath oil, how 'bout you?

Chocolate, some barbells.

Nice.

Let's never speak of this to anyone.

Yeah, uh, yeah.

[Neighing]

Boy, you were right, abby.

I had no idea how emotionally turbulent being a woman can be.

So I'm guessing I won't be seeing you boys

Dress up as ladies again any time soon.

Not in this lifetime.

Well, guys, I'm going out for the evening, don't wait up.

Pig, what the heck are you doing?

Oh, it's "ladies eat free" night at jack's calamari shack.

[Chuckles] gal's gotta eat.

Wait for us, pig.

Yeah, wait for us.

Oh, just go. Aw, thanks.

Guys, wait up, just let me get my purse.

Pip: bark, bark, bark-bark-bark.

Otis: slow down, I'm wearing heels.

Hey, does anyone have any lip gloss?

[♪...]

Low voice: "o."

High voice: mation.

[♪...]