01x25 - Doggelganger/Save The Clams

[bunniefuu]

I'm just heading to the fields, duke, I'll be back.

[Animal noises]

Clear!

[♪...]

All right!

"Rat-abunga!"

Man: ♪ from the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing...

[Animals cheering]

♪ ...through the night

Ow, ow, ok, ow.

Ow!

Whoo!

♪ Do-si-do your partner, now

♪ Gonna party now till the morning light ♪

♪ Do-si-do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll. ♪

Ha-ha!

[♪...]

[Sniffing]

Is it a rotten fish head soaked in ketchup?

Close.

[Sniffs]

Is it the sweaty toupeée of a tv weatherman?

No.

[Sniffs]

Oh, oh, is it a nine-volt battery

Fermented for one week in a hiking boot full of refried beans?

Bingo.

[Cheering]

I'm good, I'm good at this.

[Laughs] I love playing "what's that smell?"

I want to smell next.

Ok.

[Sniffs]

So when are we starting?

Aw, pig!

That skunk's stinking up the whole barn.

[All groaning]

Thanks for ruining the game.

Sub-section four of the barnyard book of rules

States that all musk-secreting animals be kept outside now.

That is the dumbest sub-section in the whole book.

He's not bothering anyone.

Come on, duke.

Ah-ah-ah, outside.

[Speaks in gibberish]

What, what's that, boy?

[Speaks in gibberish]

Oh, ok, ok, I'll tell him.

Skunky doesn't like your tone.

Oh, you don't, eh?

Well, what are you gonna do about it?

[Sputters]

Ooh, skunk in the face.

Watch out for the slop trough.

Oh, stepped in the fertilizer.

Oh, he's gotten his head in the chum pot.

Why'd we get that?

Walk it off, buddy.

No, not into the tub of sun-ripened fresh stink-cheese.

I'm gonna get that skunk, this is all his fault.

Stop whining, duke, we'll be at the vet in no time.

Narrator: no time later...

What's that smell?

Is that french stink-cheese?

[Clamoring]

Hello, we are...

Code blue, code blue.

We have a level nine skunk alert.

Repeat, level nine.

Have a seat.

How you doing, here for your sh*ts?

[Laughs nervously] why is he talking to that cat, huh?

They don't understand humans.

Of which we are two.

Hey, new meat.

Whoa, me?

No, the incredibly foul-smelling dog next to you.

Yes, you, mr. Sassy-lip, what're you in for?

What, a dog can't come in voluntarily

For a nice, tomato-juice bath?

Listen, pally, let's get one thing straight.

I'm top dog around here.

Name's baxter, and I'm a stray.

A bad boy, a dog on the edge.

You want some kibble, you gotta go through me, now what's your story?

Well, I'm the beloved sheep dog at a respected farm.

In fact, uh, I'm sort of the leader there.

You're the leader, don't make me laugh.

Ha, hear that?

It's me... Laughing... With derision.

Tell me more.

Well, they sort of treat me like I'm royalty.

We love you, duke.

We'd be lost without your guidance.

Duke, duke.

Freddy and I finished your new royal banner.

Hooray.

Hmm, not commanding enough.

Oh, he's right.

He's always right.

Duke, I got my hand stuck in a pickle jar.

Then got the jar stuck in a megaphone.

What'll I do?

I'm on it.

Oh, I am so glad you're the unquestioned leader.

I stink.

Let there be milk-bones.

Ahh...

Sounds good.

I mean, it's not how I roll.

[Chuckles] I'm more of a loose cannon.

Yeah, I go from garbage can to garbage can, kicking it freestyle.

Well, it's not all licks and giggles, my friend.

One time I had to save them all from a g*ng of rabid beavers.

Still, I suppose even a wanton bad boy like me

Could get used to all that soft living.

Duke: then last week, a g*ng of ninjas att*cked us.

I fought them off, armed only with a number two pencil.

Really, say more things.

Duke: well, I'm also a superhero in my spare time.

Yeah, I got a cape, utility belt, the whole magilla.

They wanted to build a statue of me

But I said "no, no.

A small, simple shrine would make the point quite nicely."

They also make sure all my chew toys are pre-slobbered.

Ok, duke, time to go home.

Bark, bark.

Oh, you're in your box already.

Huh?

Oh...

Excuse me, otis, I have to go to the bathroom.

Ok, I'm done.

All right, folks, that'll be $.

Great, just put it on my bill.

The name's jim...

Utility closet-stein.

It is?

Ok, bye.

[Tires screeching]

Otis, that's not me.

You're making a mistake.

That skeevy, little mutt conned me.

Woman: ok, baxter, it's doggy-doctor time.

Who loves his doggy-doctor?

You do, yes, you do, yes, you do.

Aw, don't be scared, boy.

This won't hurt at all.

Oh, deep de-worming.

I was wrong, this is gonna hurt.

Yes, it is, yes, it is.

Otis: out you go, duke.

Your long, stink-related nightmare is over.

All right, now we're talking.

Fresh air, clean sod.

Looks like I'm gonna fit right in here.

Or my name's not d*ck.

But your name is duke.

Duke, d*ck, look, I won't be bound by your labels, missy!

Say, let's change the subject.

[Sniffs]

Why do you smell like wet paint?

Oh, adorable mouse.

I think I missed you most of all.

Is it me, or do you look smaller?

Yes, well, there's a perfectly logical explanation for-

Oh, look, a tractor.

Who's up for a joyride?

What, but duke, you always flip out when we mess with the farmer's stuff.

Farmer-schmarmer.

I play by my own rules, I'm a rebel.

Now who's with me?

[Cheering and whooping]

Relax, baxter.

The worst part's over.

Yes, it is, yes, it is.

Oops, I'm wrong.

Says here I have to flush out your brain hole.

Who's got a dirty brain?

Baxter does, yes, he does.

[Yelps]

[Cheering...]

All: whoa...

My face.

Oh, that was sweet.

I think my brain threw up.

Whoa, duke, who jacked up your fun-button?

Yeah, you never used to do anything cool, what gives?

You're looking at a new duke.

Yeah,not literally, of course.

Say, who's up for a dance party in the farmer's house?

I'm changing the subject.

But duke, isn't that a little risky?

What if the farmer comes in and catches us?

Don't worry, I'll get rid of the farmer.

Uh, not literally.

I mean I'll take care of him... Emotionally.

After all, [laughs], I amhis best friend.

Party.

[Cheering][♪...]

Sheep dog, this is the mother of all house parties.

It sure is, but, duke, where's the farmer?

Oh, don't worry about him.

He'll be tied up for quite some time.

[Laughing]

Huh?

Uh, why am I tied to a tree?

I must've been naughty.

Check it out, people.

This is how a bad boy gets his party on.

Check out duke, guys, he's the life of the party.

I know, he went in for a skunk bath

The guy comes out with a personality transplant.

Bad dog, I'm so nasty, who let meout?

I hate to say it, but I think I'm actually beginning to like that dog.

I know, this new duke is- what?

Stop the party, stop the party!

What's wrong, oscar?

Do you need a refreshing soft drink?

Another bowl of party kibble, perhaps?

The name's otis, and you'rewhat's wrong.

[Gasping]

What, what are you talking about?

Tractor rides, house parties, bessy's admiration?

This guy can't possibly be duke.

He's an impostor.

[Gasping]

"Gasp" is right.

And I intend to get to the bottom of this.

Right after this next song.

[Cheering][♪...]

Hang in there, duke.

You've been poked, drilled, humiliated...

But there's nothing they can do to break you, nothing.

Doctor: ok, baxter, time for your butt-leeching.

Who's gonna get his butt leeched?

Baxter is, yes, he is.

Ok, that's it.

Oh, the leeches are on my face.

Who's draining my face blood?

You are, yes, you are.

Mommy, mommy.

The doctor says patches is all better.

[Squishing]

Code red, we got a runner.

No, you do not drive away, bad dog.

Ok, baxter, it's payback time.

I'm coming for you.

Oh, sorry.

My bad.

Oh, that'll grow back.

All right, dirt-bag, where's the real duke?

You better talk, see?

Or my crazy partner here will give you a relaxing shoulder massage.

You must be joking.

Not talking, huh?

Well, you asked for it.

Let me know if this is too much pressure.

Ok, this was a bad idea.

You're wasting your time, big guy.

Of course I'm the real darren, how could I not be?

I don't see any other sheepdogs around here.

[Tires screeching]

That was timely.

Time to pay the pooch, you mangy stray.

Look, everyone, rabid dog.

[Grunting]

Baxter: ow.

[Gasping]

I can't tell them apart.

Pip: it's uncanny.

Abby: they're identical.

I'll handle this.

Which one of you is the real duke?

I am. I am.

Well, that's all I got.

Otis, come on, it's me.

It's a lie, how can I be an impostor?

Everybody loves me.

Oh, does "everybody" include... Skunky?

Yes, of course, stenchy loves me more than life itself.

Isn't that right, my little gingersnap?

Oh, thanks for the help, you smelly weasel.

Oh, hey, stop, stop, ow.

Ooh, ow, ooh, hey.

That's our impostor.

Baxter: ow, hey, come on.

Guys, let's talk this over.

[Clamoring]

Nice try, not-duke.

But your brilliant plan failed to account for the fact

That skunky hates duke's guts.

Come on, guys, let me stay.

I'm tons more fun than that miserable excuse for a sheepdog.

That may be true...

Hey.

...but that miserable excuse is a member of our family.

That's right, and abby's friend is my friend.

Well, skunky, it looks like you came through for me today.

What do you say we bury the hatchet?

Oh... [Clamoring]

I'll boil water.

I'll get the washtub.

I'll get the brushes.

And I'll juice the tomatoes.

I still don't smell anything.

[♪...]

Are you sure this restaurant doesn't serve any real clams?

I told you, abby, everything here is made with shclam

A delicious, clam-free substitute.

Nathan, I think those are those talking barn animals from the farm next door.

Do not talk.

Please do not talk.

Man: welcome to the clam hut.

May I take your order?

Uh, I'll have the "clambalaya."

Excellent, please, help yourself to our free salad bar.

Free, whoo-hoo.

Who's next?

Question, with these shclamchops

Instead of the baked potato, could I get a huge bucket of swill?

[Humming]

Man: psst, cow-dressed-as-a-lady.

What, who said that?

I'm not a cow, uh, I'm a typical, human female.

Please, I know a fellow animal when I see one.

You gotta help me, my life's in terrible danger.

But I thought everything here was made out of shclam, a delicious clam substitute.

It's a lie.

Shclam...is clam.

[Gasps]

Can't stand liver, won't eat ham

Look out, stomach, here comes the shclam.

Don't eat those!

[Screaming]

Why are you yelling?

Fellows, do you know why shclam looks and tastes like real clam?

A miracle of modern chemistry?

They zap it with a clam ray?

They make it with love?

No.

It's because shclamis clam.

Look.

What she said.

[Screaming]

Get up, we're getting out of here.

Shclamis clam, shclamis clam.

Stop them!

They're not what they seem.

[Grunts]

Look at this one.

Could a real human ever be this tiny?

My cousin lupe is half that height.

Excuse me, I believe that's mine.

And when I woke up, I was in the clam hut

Getting ready to be broiled and smothered in tartar sauce.

You poor, brave mollusk.

Your story has touched all our hearts.

It sure has.

Well, nice meeting you, stay clammy.

Otis.

Otis, archie has nowhere to go, can't he stay here?

No way.

Remember last month when I let that laughing hyena stay here?

It was a disaster.

Bad news, guys.

My aunt phoebe broke her hip and has to be in traction for a month.

[Laughs]

I'm sorry, it's not funny, it's... [Laughs]

Besides, the farmer's coming back tomorrow.

How are we gonna explain a clam on a barnyard?

Oh, he'll never notice one little clam.

Come on, otis, let him stay.

You know it's the right thing to do.

Yeah, abby's right.

I agree with abby.

Archie: no, guys, that's all right.

I don't want to impose.

Thanks, anyway, otis.

[♪...]

[Whimpers]

Oh, all right, fine, he can stay.

[Cheering]

Really?

Aw, that's great.

Hey, when's dinner, I'm starving.

Well, we usually get fed around...

I want a cobb salad, no bacon

Garlic croutons and ranch dressing on the side.

Yeah, but...

Oh, and I'll need to see a complete list of your bottled waters, asap.

I'm on it.

Archie: hey, otis, what kind of movie channels you got around here?

[Otis grumbles]

[Rooster crowing]

[Yawns][shower sprinkling]

[Both screaming]

Naked clam!

A little personal space, please.

Excuse us, otis, it's time for archie's luffah scrub.

Archie says clams require constant grooming.

I want to scrub his top shell.

Freddy, he said icould.

Archie: fellows, fellows, I got two shells.

All right.score.

[Growls]

Man on radio: ♪ it's all in pieces, little pieces ♪

♪ It's all in pieces...

Come on, come on.

Man: this w-k-l-o-p and you're our lucky th caller.

I am, really?

I never win anything.

I'm gonna need this.

Pig, no, don't hang up!

Sorry, otis, I have to call weather.

If the humidity dips below

Archie needs us to mist him down.

[Growls] I'll mist youdown, you.

Whew, hours of poker.

[Yawns] I know, I'm b*at.

I can't wait to curl up in my nice, soft, warm...

What the cud?

Abby: oh, hey, guys, we brought you each a blanket.

Huh, what do we need with blankets?

Well, we're all sleeping outside tonight.

Archie needed the barn to himself.

Huh, what?

Yeah, he says that clams need at least

Square feet of territory or they go mental.

Ok, you know what, that's it.

Don't you guys see what's happening?

Archie is totally taking advantage of you.

He is a selfish shellfish.

[Gasping]

Well, I didn't want to believe it

But you, sir, are guilty of anti-clam-ism.

Oh, come on.

Yeah, you think archie's not as good as you

Just because he's different.

You need to take a hard look at yourself in the mirror, my friend.

How, I can't get anywhere near the bathroom.

Ugh.

Oh, brother.

You think you know someone.

All right, all right, fine, he can stay.

But when this blows up in your faces

Please direct your complaints to a miss abby the cow.

Right here, this one, all on her.

Abby, you know, the clam-lover.

Abby being the one to whom I'm referring.

Hmm.

Come on, pip, let's go sleep over here

Next to this pile of sticks.

[Cracking sound]

[Dog howls]

Uh, that's everett.

Sorry, everett.

Rise and shine, archie.

I made you your eggs florentine.

[Crashing noise]

[Screams]

Whoa, whoa, abby, what's wrong, you all right?

Uh, otis, can you look inside the barn for a sec'?

Otis: why, what could you possibly have seen

That would make you- oh, sweet, bleeding dirt!

Clam: yo, clammy, we clammy, yo, clammy, we clammy.

[Clamoring]

Oh, hey, otis, I want you to meet my kids.

Pip: there must be a million clams in there.

How is that possible?

Well, clams are self-reproducing.

You see, the male atlantic clam can carry a clutch of eggs

Under his spit valve for weeks at a time.

Ok, ok, I don't care that much.

Otis, what are we gonna do?

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna sit back and enjoy the fun.

Otis, what are you talking about?

Yeah, we got a situation here.

[Laughs] no, youhave a situation.

Because for once, something is your fault.

[Laughs] oh, that's rich.

There was one clam before, but now there's a lot of them.

Oh, there's gonna be more, there's, and when the farmer gets back

He's gonna be all, "what are these clams doing here?

I'll bet it was that she-cow's fault."

Oh, abby, how willyou get out of this one?

Man: ♪ well, it's a clam montage ♪

♪ They're here and there and everywhere, a clam montage ♪

♪ They were uninvited, now they're all excited ♪

♪ A clam montage, they started as one now there's millions of fun ♪

♪ Time to cool down a bit

♪ Clams

Clam: it's like a montage, but with clams.

[♪...]

[Cheering...]

I can't take it anymore!

It's like they're inside my head.

You know, for a bunch of bivalves, they can really keep a b*at.

Otis, can't you do something?

Well, I could, but first...

Abby, is there anything you'd like to say to me?

Like what?

Oh, perhaps that divine old chestnut

"Oh, otis, none of this would've happen if I listened to you.

You're so wise and big-brained and this is all my fault, a-hyuk."

Keep on dreaming.

[Clams cheering]

Everyone: abby.

Oh, all right.

This is all my fault, I should've listened to you.

Blah, blah, blah, giant head.

You happy now?

Wait here.

[Clams cheering]

[Otis clears throat]

Excuse me.

Guys... [Whistles]

Listen up, everyone who is a clam.

This has all been weird and all

But I'm afraid you gots to go.

So pack your stuff and be out by morning.

[Otis screams]

Otis, what happened?

They "biled" me.

Mm-hmm, clams can spew bile.

As this chart demonstrates, they add mucus to sea water to convert...

Where do you get these charts?

Guys, they can't get away with this.

All ready, on three, two, one...

Charge!

[Screams]

Oh, hey, guys.

You know a minute ago when I said "charge"?

I meant charge!

Dude, there's only six of us, it's hopeless.

What are we gonna do?

Well, don't look at me.

Abby got us into this, make her come up with a plan.

Fine, I will.

Fine, I'm all ears.

Ha, see, not as easy as it looks...

I've got it!

Guys, listen up.

We're gonna need some foam rubber, some masking tape

A bottle of glue, a toothpick...

[Clams cheering]

Party, party, party.

Hello, excuse me.

Don't squirt, don't squirt, don't squirt, I came to apologize.

It's ok, kids, let the cow guy talk.

Look, I'm sorry for trying to kick you out before.

Our barn is your barn.

Feel free to stay as long as you like.

Well, that's very sporting of you there, otis.

Hey, kids, say thanks to the nice mammal.

All: thank you, thank you...

Oh, no, please, no-no-no.

In fact, to show you how supportive my friends and I are of the mollusk community

We've decided to offer refuge to one of your underwater brethren

The giant starfish.

[Gibbering and slathering]

Idiot, what have you done?

The giant starfish is our only natural enemy.

Kids, run.

[Screaming and clamoring...]

"Clam-pede."

[Clamoring]

[Clams screaming]

[Cheering]

Up top.yeah, baby.

Well, once again, thanks to my quick-thinking and take-charge attitude...

Otis, this was my plan, you didn't come up with any of it.

Oh, didn't i?

Everyone: no.

Well, ok, then.

Guys, this isn't over yet.

What the heck are we gonna do with this pit full of clams?

[All eating noisily]

I guess those clams were good for something after all.

This stuff is delicious.

Oh, this is so good.

Aw, it was nice of those clams to share their recipe for corn chowder with us.

I wonder how they're liking their new home.

Nathan, I'm gonna take my bath now.

[Clams cheering and laughing]

[Mrs. Beady screams]

[♪...]

Low-pitched voice: "o."

High-pitched voice: mation.

[♪...]