02x07 - Soccer Mom

[bunniefuu]

♪ It'’s Maya ♪

♪ It'’s Maya ♪

♪ And Miguel

♪ And Miguel

♪ What they will do next

♪ You never can tell

♪ It'’s Maya ♪

♪ It'’s Maya ♪

♪ And Miguel

♪ And Miguel

♪ Brother and sister

♪ And best friends as well

♪ With each misadventure, they'’re put to the test ♪

♪ Working together is what they do best ♪

♪ Helping their family and friends, that'’s a start ♪

♪ They make a great team as they each do their part ♪

♪ It'’s Maya ♪

♪ It'’s Maya ♪

♪ And Miguel

♪ And Miguel

♪ What they will do next you never can tell ♪

♪ It'’s Maya ♪

♪ It'’s Maya ♪

♪ And Miguel

♪ And Miguel

♪ Brother and sister

♪ And best friends as well

♪ Brother and sister

♪ Maya & Miguel

Moms are funny.

I mean, mi mama can do anything.

She helps me with my school projects...

Delicioso.

[Burps]

and she never loses her cool...

[Squawks]

no matter how crazy Maya and I act.

But the thing about moms is that sometimes you wish they weren'’t so good at,

well, everything.

It started during soccer practice.

Hey!

All right,

anyone who takes the ball away from me

wins a free slice of pizza.

- !¡La pelota! - Get the ball!

Get the pelota!

- Get the ball! - Get the ball!

- !¡La pelota! - Get the ball!

Get the ball!

!¡Carlos es un gran entrenador!

Yeah, we'’ve got the best coach in the whole league.

- Yes! - Yes!

I get the ball! I get pizza!

- Me, too! - I want pizza!

- Pizza, I love it! - Pizza!

Oh, OK, guys.

Pizza for everyone!

Hey, guys, I have something to tell you.

- sh**t! - What?

You know it'’s been my dream

to play professionally, right?

- Yeah. - Sure, coach.

I knew that all the time.

Well, my dream has come true.

I'’m going pro.

I'’m going to be playing for the L.A. Galaxy!

- Cool. - Wow! Awesome!

You'’re going to be

on the same team as Carlos Ruiz?

He'’s one of my favorite players!

That'’s awesome!

You'’re going to be famous!

Whoa! One step at a time, Maya.

You know, I'’ll really miss all of you guys a lot.

What do you mean, miss us?

Miguel, I start right away.

Playing for the L.A. Galaxy is a full-time job,

and I'’ll be traveling.

I won'’t be able to keep coaching.

But--but we'’re in the middle of the season.

Who'’s going to coach us for playoffs?

There'’s always Mr. Dombrowski.

The gym teacher?

He'’s a nice guy,

but he'’s a little wacky, isn'’t he?

No, we need to find a real superstar coach.

Just weeks, and then weeks of playoffs.

- Yes... - You could?

And making sure the fields are available.

Oh. Then you couldn'’t. Yes, he should. No, no. He shouldn'’t.

OK, of course. I understand.

Well, Ernesto has to travel for work,

and Maggie'’s dad is already coaching gymnastics.

And Theo'’s father can'’t take the afternoons off,

and I am way too busy with the store.

!¡Eso es!

What do you mean, Maya?

We just told you we haven'’t found anyone.

Mama, why don'’t you be the coach?

!¡Sí, sí!

Me? Why, Maya, I can'’t be your coach.

¿Por que no, mi amor?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Well, I played a little bit,

but I'’ve never coached a team before.

I'’ve never coached anything before.

But you'’re good at explaining things,

and you'’re fun, and you'’re nice. Please?

!¡Ay!

And you'’re pretty good with that soccer ball at your feet.

!¡Por favor, mama!

We'’re desperate!

Well, the team does need someone,

and it would be nice for you kids.

Yay! Yay!

Oh, just wait till Miguel hears.

!¡Sí, sí!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Miguel? Miguel?

Answer me.

Isn'’t that great?

Oh, I knew you'’d be happy!

Happy?

I'’m not happy, I'’m in shock.

My fingers are going numb.

Wiggle them like this.

Maya, mama can'’t be our coach.

Number one, she'’s our mom,

number , she'’s a girl,

number , she'’s our mom,

number , the guys won'’t think it'’s cool--

Oh, Miguelito, women can be coaches just as much as men.

Mama will be terrific.

Oh, man.

So Maya told you the news.

Isn'’t that great?

I knew you'’d be happy.

Ahh...

I don'’t know, Maya.

It seems like moms go over here, and soccer is over here,

and if you bring them together, it'’s, like, boom!

A big expl*si*n!

Oh, Miguel, this is mama, our mother.

What could she possibly do that would be so bad?

[Whistles]

Mama, what are you doing?

We'’re doing some yoga to warm up.

Om...

Ta-da!

Pero estamos entrenando fútbol.

I know it'’s soccer practice, Miguel.

And I hope you don'’t want special treatment

just because you'’re the coach'’s son.

No, of course not, mama.

[Crash]

Well, then get your cleats on, Miguel.

Everyone, let'’s all introduce ourselves.

♪ Hello, my name is Rosa ♪

♪ And I'’m very glad to know you ♪

♪ Hello, my name is Rosa ♪

♪ And I want to be your friend ♪

Who'’s next?

Ooh!

Mama, por favor--

Come on, someone.

How about you, Miguel?

I know you have a nice voice.

I hear you sing in the shower, Miguel.

[Boys laughing]

Mama!

Por favor, Miguelito,

canta.

Hello, my name is--

You'’re not singing, mijo!

Singing is good.

It builds up your lungs.

Come on, Miguel!

♪ Hello, my name is Maya ♪

♪ And I want to get to know you ♪

Preciosa.

OK, now I need a striker.

How about...Theo?

- Hey! - Oh, yes!

But, mama, that'’s my position.

I'’m the striker.

Don'’t worry, everyone will get a turn.

Why don'’t you play defense for now?

But I don'’t like playing defense.

That'’s what you said about broccoli,

and then you ended up loving it.

[Groans]

Here'’s the ball, Theo.

Now, first, try to dribble the ball

with the outside of your foot, not the inside.

Now, since we'’re the Purple Hawks,

I made up a little team cheer.

Repeat after me: I'’m a hawk, and I can fly!

KIDS: I'’m a hawk, and I can fly.

Oh, like you mean it.

I'’m a hawk, and I can fly!

I'’m a hawk, and I can fly!

KIDS: I'’m a hawk, and I can fly!

ALL BUT MIGUEL: Go, Hawks!

[Miguel sighs]

All right!

Hey, pass it over here!

Pass it to me!

[Laughter]

Nice job, Miguel!

Go, keep going!

Go, bebe, go!

!¡Mama!

You lost the ball.

Go, bebe! Go get it!

Mama, please, don'’t call me that.

[Laughing]

I thought nicknames were part of sports.

Mama... it'’s embarrassing!

Oh, Miguelito, you'’re so sensitive.

OK, I'’m sorry.

I was caught up in the excitement.

Hey, bebe, go get the ball!

Yeah, bebe, stop talking and start playing!

That wasn'’t so bad, was it, Miguel?

It was pretty bad.

So, bebe, your mom'’s a great coach.

[Sighs]

[Paco squawks]

Rah! Go, team! Go.

ROSA: I knew Miguel was as fast as lightning

from when he was two years old.

Go, team! Go.

He was in the bath and he didn'’t want his hair washed,

so he jumped out of the bath

and tore through the hall

wearing nothing but shampoo in his hair!

No!

No!

MIGUEL: Maya.

!¡No puedo dormir!

Miguel, you have it backwards.

I'’m the one who always wakes you up.

Come on, Maya, I need to talk.

I need to cook up a crazy, hare-brained scheme--

you know, your specialty.

Well, why didn'’t you say so?

What can I do for you, hermanito?

You have to help me find a new coach.

If mama keeps coaching much longer,

I'’ll be laughed right off the team.

I'’ll be laughed right out of school.

Don'’t be so sensitive, Miguel.

I think mama is doing a great job.

She told the shampoo story.

I'’ll never hear the end of that.

Just give her a chance, Miguelito.

This is important to her.

And besides, she'’s the only coach we have right now.

We could always get Mr. Dombrowski.

Miguel!

You even said yourself, he'’s totally wacky!

Yeah, but he doesn'’t call me "bebe."

Hermanito, just get some sleep,

and in the morning, you'’ll have forgotten all about this.

[Sighs]

Ooh, here she comes.

Miguel, you'’re such a worry-wart.

Mama is not going to embarrass you.

I'’m not so sure.

Who is that?

Where'’d she get those clothes?

I can'’t let her go out on the field like this!

!¡Hola, mijita!

Ready for practice?

Mama, what are you wearing?

This?

What'’s wrong with this?

Maya, it'’s soccer practice, not a fashion show.

I need to be comfortable.

I need to move.

But--

Got to stay hydrated.

Now, get your cleats on, sweetie.

Uh...

[Breathing heavily]

Yes!

Oh, Maya, you can run faster than that!

Just pretend it'’s Jose, the pizza delivery boy!

Mama!

Oh, Maya, don'’t be so sensitive.

I just meant that I know you can run fast

because when that cute Jose used to ring the bell,

you would zip to the door like a rocket.

But if it embarrasses you, I won'’t say anything, schnookie-lumps.

Schnookie-lumps?

Come on, just one more time.

I already said it twice.

Once more.

I want it on tape.

OK, you were right. I was wrong. There!

Gracias, Maya.

Now, what can we do to get mama to stop coaching?

Ay. Es dificil.

She'’ll be very upset if we tell her we don'’t want her.

I know.

I wish she would just forget about this whole thing.

Miguel!

!¡Eso es!

Maya, mama doesn'’t forget anything.

You know that.

Not unless we help her.

Papi, mama is working so hard as our coach.

You know, you really need to take her to lunch,

you know, to say thank you.

There'’s that new restaurant on Las Palmas.

It looks so romantic.

Hmm.

Why do I get the feeling you kids are up to something?

Please take her, papi.

Tio Ernesto said the flan was the best in town!

Did you say flan?

What a wonderful idea, mi corazon.

This flan is delicious.

Oh, this is so nice,

just to sit and relax

and not worry about all the things I have to do.

Sí.

With your new coaching job,

you'’ve been working very hard.

It is a lot of-- Santiago!

I need to get to practice!

See you at the store! Later!

Adios.

So where'’s your mom, guys?

Oh, I don'’t know.

I guess we'’ll have to run practice ourselves.

Don'’t worry. I'm here.

[Maya and Miguel sigh]

[Doorbell rings]

"An early birthday present, from Maya and Miguel."

A foot massager!

!¡Hola, Rosita!

¿Que pasa?

Mama!

Maya and Miguel got me this wonderful foot massager,

but it'’s taking me all day to put it together.

Why didn'’t you call me?

I'’m very good with these things, you know.

I don'’t know, mama.

This one is very complicated.

- I don'’t think-- - Ta-da!

I'’ve had a lot of practice.

Practice?

Mama, I need to get to practice!

See you later, mama!

Abuela, tengo hambre.

[Squawking]

Popcorn for the movie!

Popcorn for the movie!

[Honk honk]

Oh, no. Here she comes.

So much for our plan.

Hurry, Theo. Go get your flowers.

Theo, who are the flowers for?

Who do you think?

They'’re for the coach.

Mama?

Cultivated with special hydroponic techniques

for increased color.

But why?

Kind of has a crush.

Oh, no.

Guys, your mom has done wonders

for my soccer game.

This is just my small way of saying thanks.

Hello!

These are for you, coach!

Theo, how beautiful!

Thank you.

[Sighs]

It looks like she'’s sticking around no matter what we do.

Every day it gets worse.

What are we going to do?

There'’s only one thing to do--

Oh, no.

We'’ve got to fire our own mother.

Now, remember, we have to let her down easy.

We don'’t want to hurt her feelings.

Mama, can we talk to you?

Por supuesto, mijos. What'’s wrong?

Wrong? Nothing'’s wrong.

In fact, everything'’s great.

Yeah, we think you'’re the greatest mother ever.

Yeah, you'’re the best cook in the world!

And you take such good care of your family--

Yeah, and you do a great job at the pet store.

You kids are f*ring me, aren'’t you?

No, no.

We'’re not f*ring you.

We'’re not doing anything like that.

We'’re just-- well, we'’re just--

Well...

mama, it'’s just kind of--

Embarrassing?

You know, it'’s just mixing home and soccer.

It'’s OK.

So you'’re not upset?

No, mijitos.

I was a kid once, too, you know.

You really are the best, mama.

I have just one question.

Who'’s going to coach the team?

I mean, the playoffs are next weekend, right?

And I think you all know Mr. Dombrowski from our gym class.

Uh, good afternoon, boys and gentlemen.

Uh, when Miguel asked me to coach this team,

I was highly enthused about the opportunity

to receive the aforesaid invitation.

Uh, now I might forewarn you

that this game is not my particular area of especiality,

but that need not concern you here.

So without further ado,

why don'’t you all do some stretches?

This is more like it.

No yoga, no singing, just a nice normal stretch.

So, soccer is a game whereby it is played primarily with the feet,

if I understand it to be correct.

That does not, however, obviate the kicking of the soccer ball

with the areas of the body other than the foot,

as, per example, the toe.

[Barking]

MIGUEL: Hey, guys, great practice, huh?

Mr. Dombrowski'’s nice, but a little, uh, wacky, you know?

I know you said your mom was really busy,

but I wish she was still here coaching us.

Yeah, man, she was the best!

I mean, even the way she taught me the banana kick--

I mean, my mom could never do that.

Mine neither. I love my mother,

but I wish she were as cool as your mom.

You--you think mama is cool?

Oh, yeah!

She gets you into the game,

so you feel really confident.

I love her sunglasses.

Maya, what are we going to do?

Gee, kids, I'’d love to help out,

but Mr. Dombrowski'’s your coach now.

You can'’t keep asking coaches to leave, you know.

I guess we have to live with our decision.

I'’m afraid so.

But the playoffs are this Saturday.

He can'’t get us ready the way that you can, mama!

You kids just play your best.

That'’s all anyone can ask.

So it behooves you to pursue your goals as part of a team,

bearing in mind that a chain is only as strong

as its weakest link.

So, go get '’em!

[Kids cheer flatly]

Go, Hawks.

[Whistle blows]

Yeah! Woo!

All right!

Ooh!

No!

[Gulping]

Hmm...

sh**t!

Aah!

No!

No!

[Crowd cheering]

Come on, you guys, we can still win!

We just have to cooperate!

Yeah, we got to play better.

Hey, quiet down, everyone,

and listen to our coach.

Uh, hey, where is Coach Dombrowski?

What'’s he doing?

Uh, kids, let me facilitate the introduction

of someone I asked to provide assistance--

Coach Santos!

[Kids cheering]

Everyone together--

I'’m a hawk, and I can fly!

ALL: Go, Purple Hawks!

[Whistle blows]

Come on, Miguel!

Oh, good one.

ROSA: Great move, Andy!

[Kids cheering]

ROSA: Great save, Chrissy!

Big throw, Chrissy!

Oh! Oh!

[Cheering]

[Paco whistling]

Tito, I know you can do it!

I believe in you!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Hooray!

[Whistling]

I'’ve got it!

I'’ve got it! I'’ve got it!

ROSA: Oh, my baby.

Come on, let me help you--

It'’s a free kick.

Let me take it.

Miguel, I want Theo to take it!

He'’s been working on his banana kick.

But, mama--

I always listen to my coach.

Where should I stand?

Back post. Look for a rebound.

A little-- a little to the left.

Over here, Miguel!

Perfecto.

[Miguel sighs]

Hooray!

- Awesome! - Yes! - Woo-hoo!

[Cheering]

- Hooray! - OK! Yay!

[Whistle blows]

MIGUEL, VOICE-OVER: So that'’s how my mom became our soccer coach.

Cool, huh?

I mean, how many mothers can teach a banana kick to the far post?

[Kids cheering]

All right!