02x16 - Get Bessy/A Beautiful Freddy

[bunniefuu]

- I'm just heading to the fields, duke.

I'll be back.

[Sheep bleating]

- Clear!

[Upbeat hoedown music]

- All right!

♪

- Rat-a-bamba!

- ♪ From the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing

- Whoo-hoo! Whoa!

Ow, ow! Okay, ow.

Ow!

- ♪ Do si do your partner now ♪

♪

♪ Party till the morning light ♪

♪

♪ Do si do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll ♪

[Motor roaring]

- Ha ha!

- [Clucking]

[Increasing roar]

All: whoa!

- Wow, saving that race of mole people

From those giant evil bloodworms at the center of the earth

Was cool!

[All agreeing]

- Definitely one of our better adventures.

- I still can't believe they made pig their emperor.

- Whoaaaa!

I abused my power, and I learned nothing.

[Laughter]

- Oh, we're great.

- Hey, dummies, you can't park here.

It's a no-moron zone.

[Chuckles] "no-moron zone."

- Hey, did you guys ever notice how bessie always insults us

And then just walks off somewhere?

- She insults us? - Nu-uh.

- Who, bessie?

- Really? - You're a dirty liar!

- No, guys, think about it.

Now look up.

- Hey, dummy. Moron.

Moron. Moron.

Sugar ray loser. Moron.

Sir isaac moron. Moron.

Crazy stupid. Bye-bye, moron!

Your mother!

- Now I believe it. - Hey, you're right.

- What I want to know is,

Where does she go when she walks away?

- Well, she probably has things to do.

- Things to do? We're barn animals.

All we do is eat, sleep,

And let the farmer squeeze breakfast products out of us.

What could she possibly have to do?

- We could ask her.

- Yes, we could ask her...

Or we could totally spy on her!

- Otis, bessie would be hurt and angry

If she knew we were spying on her.

- You're right.

- So let's be extra quiet so we don't get caught.

- Your spirit is shiny

And smells of cherries, lady cow!

- Huh, yes. Interesting.

No way!

[Gasps] who knew?

- Dude, she hasn't even walked in yet.

- I'm practicing.

- Wait, there she is!

[Music for intrigue]

♪

- Well, that was a snorefest.

- Are you kidding?

She just dressed up like a mysterious french lady,

Put a giant wad of cash in her purse,

And drove off in an unmarked black van.

I haven't been this curious since--let me see...

I've never been this curious!

Come on; let's follow her!

- Come on! - Let's go!

- She's getting out.

She's looking around.

She's walking up to that fancy art gallery.

The starlight danced majestically

On the street below.

- Are you going to narrate all night?

- Guys, what would bessie be doing at an art gallery?

- Hey, maybe bessie's an international art thief.

[Laughter]

- That's a good one.

- Yeah, and maybe she's going to scale the building

With suction cups.

[Laughter]

And she's doing it.

[Laughter] wha?

[Suctions popping]

- All right. Everyone, calm down.

Let's not jump to conclusions.

I mean, it's not like we've witnessed her

Lowering down priceless works of art.

- And she's lowering them down.

- The animals couldn't believe their eyes.

Bessie seemed to be living a secret double life.

They vowed then and there

To unravel this raveled-up mystery

In which they'd become raveled.

- You're doing it again. - Um, hello!

- Ugh, again?

- The next morning, mystery was crisp in the air

As the animals awoke from their--

Oh, great, now I'm doing it!

- Hey, dummy.

- Look at her, acting all

"I'm not an international art thief."

- Yeah, look at her beady little eyes;

Her furrowed brow; her cruel, hateful beak.

- Freddy, you're looking at me.

- I know what you did!

- Guys, bessie's my best friend.

I refuse to believe she stole those paintings.

- Well, there's only one way to find out.

- Confront her with what we saw?

- No way!

Remember the last time we tried to confront her with something?

[Screams]

- Alert the authorities?

- Ha! You remember the last time

We tried to alert the authorities?

[Screams]

- Maybe we should forget the whole thing

And go about our business.

- You remember the last time we tried

To forget the whole thing and go about our business?

[Screams]

No, we search her stall

And see what other luxury goods ol' sticky-hooves has in there.

- Otis! A cow's stall is sacred.

Bessie would never forgive us

If she caught us violating her personal space.

- [Disappointedly] you're right.

- Which is why freddy and peck should distract her

While we're doing it.

- Your delicious life force quickens my heart bag, lady cow!

- There she is.

Now, remember, we have to play it real cool

So she doesn't know she's being distracted.

- Right.

- Uh, hi, bessie.

Lovely weather we're having, huh?

- Yeah.

- She's on to us! - What do we do?

- Don't panic! - I can't help it!

- She can smell our fear! - We're goners!

- No way out! - Run away!

- I found a priceless designer watch.

- I found a suitcase full of cash.

- I found a set of keys.

- Why is that suspicious?

- They're to this italian sports car.

- Well, that clinches it.

The bessie we loved and thought we knew

Is a criminal mastermind.

- "Gasp," abby gasped as she unraveled another clue:

Blueprints to a mansion.

Was this to be the scene of bessie's next crime?

- What happened then, abby?

- Guys, bessie's coming.

- Something funny's going on here,

And I'm going to find out what.

[Animals whistling]

- Whistle, whistle.

Oh, hey, bessie.

Didn't see you there.

We're just hanging out, not doing anything suspicious.

Say, you look a little tense.

Is there anything you'd like to get off your chest?

- No. Now, get out of my way.

I have plans tonight.

- Otis, if we don't get bessie some help,

She might get arrested.

- Yeah, and if she drops a dime to johnny law,

We could all end up

Doing the concrete shuffle on slammer alley.

- Peck's right... Unless he's not.

I have no idea what he just said.

But while he was rambling, I formulated an ingenious plan.

- We'll get her the therapy she so desperately needs?

- No, we rob the mansion ourselves

So there's nothing left for her to steal.

- He's a genius. - That's why he's the leader.

- I know. This stuff just comes to me.

- Now, hold on, otis.

Robbing a mansion is a serious crime

That goes against everything we believe in.

- [Disappointedly] you're right.

- Which is why we better wear black for camouflage

So we don't get caught.

- Your soul crackles with a thousand electric lights,

O sparkly cowess.

[Adventure music]

♪

- Wow! It's beautiful.

- Ooh, la, la. - Nice pad.

- Okay, people, grab anything valuable.

We want to clean this place out

So there's nothing left for bessie to steal.

- Well, I'll do it for bessie, but I want you to know

I'm stealing under pr-- hey, this matches my drapes!

[All talking excitedly]

- I got the jewelry.

Step away from the jewelry.

- Get out of my way! - Show me the money.

- Hey, look, a tiny toaster oven.

[Alarm wailing]

The defrost setting is awfully loud.

[Dog barking]

Quick, let's take a dip in the pool

And get out of here.

- Freddy, are you crazy?

The cops'll be here any minute.

- Then we only have time for the massage chair.

- [Together] ah!

Thud!

[Together] huh?

- What's going on here?

- [Together] weird al yankovic?

- Yeah, I'm weird al yankovic.

What are you doing in my house?

- [Together] robbing it.

- Oh, really?

Good thing all famous people have police hotlines.

- Wait! Don't call the police!

- Get off my hotline!

- I don't want to get off your hotline.

- Oh.

- You just messed with the wrong grammy winner.

Whaa!

Whaa!

- [Screams] hilarious w*apon!

Yee-ah!

- Gold records! Gold records!

Hoo, ho, hey, whoa, see, ha!

- Hair att*ck, hair att*ck!

- Whoa!

- Hello, I'm pig with hollywood fact or fiction?

True or false: weird al yankovic styles his own hair.

False!

Weird al has an army of norwegian hairstylists

Who are on call / for all his styling needs.

He can also time travel and once ate an outboard motor.

Now back to the action.

- Bagpipes!

Giant clam!

Live ostrich!

- Yee-ah!

[Slow-motion yell]

- Otis! - Bessie?

[Slow-motion yell resumes]

Thud!

- What are you morons doing here?

- Bessie, you know them?

- You know bessie?

- How do you know bessie?

- I know ryan seacrest.

- Oh, he's america's sweetheart.

- All right. All right. Everybody, zip it.

Otis, what's going on here?

- We were trying to rob weird al yankovic's house

Before you did so you wouldn't get arrested

And spend the rest of your life in jail.

[Silence]

[Laughter]

What's so funny?

- You dummy! I'm not a burglar.

I'm weird al yankovic's personal shopper.

- Personal shop--

Oh, cud, that's why you had all that stuff in your stall.

- And the blueprints to his mansion.

- I feel stupid. - That explains everything.

- Hold up. Wait up.

We saw you climbing up a building with suction cups.

- Yeah, I hate elevators.

- That makes sense. - I'm with you there, sister.

- I have to apologize for my friends, al.

Their brains are small and confused.

But I guess they had my best interests at heart.

- Bessie, doesn't your friend think it's weird

That you're a talking animal?

- Care to answer that, al?

- Yeah, no problem.

[Whinnies]

[Laughter]

- He's a horse. - He's a horse!

- That is awesome!

Hey, weird al, you should totally come

To the barnyard some time and hang out.

- The animals laughed,

Relieved that the mystery had finally been unraveled.

Outside, the moon shone brightly

Like a happy monkey with papaya in it.

- She's doing it again. - Does she always do that?

- Oh, all right!

[Clucking]

- Whoo-hoo!

- Man, partying with the hawk people

In cloud city was awesome!

- Got that right. - Sure was.

- Best adventure ever.

- I can't believe

They made weird al yankovic their supreme overlord.

- [Yelling]

I abused my power and learned nothing.

[Laughter]

- You dum--ah, never mind.

[Happy polka music]

♪

- Hey, folks, get out your brains.

It's time to play...

[Cheering]

- Man, this show has everything:

Humiliation, greed, fabulous prizes,

The word "ding-dong."

I love it!

- Not as much as freddy does.

- Zucchini! The magna carta!

Mudskippers!

- Freddy, they haven't even asked any questions yet.

- Danish, beaver, cheese!

All: quiet!

- Sorry. You know how much I love trivia.

- Okay, finalists, put on your thinking pants.

What is the chemical symbol for bacon?

- Margaret thatcher! Pilates!

The san diego chicken!

[All complaining]

Guys, phrase your angry shouts in the form of a question.

- Why are you so stupid?

[All groan]

- Ah, man, now we'll never get to see

Who wins million-dollar ding-dong.

- Don't worry; I'll fix it.

Freddy, go up on the roof and wiggle the antenna around.

- I'm on it.

Careful.

Watch it.

Easy.

Made it.

[Electricity crackling]

[Screams]

- Freddy fell off the roof!

[Music playing]hey, the show's back.

- Freddy, I'm so sorry.

Are you hurt?

- [With british accent] well, the distance from the roof

Equaled the velocity of the rate of descent times pi,

So, yes, I'm in a lot of pain.

- Hey, he's talking like a fancy boy.

- Yeah, his words are huge.

- It's odd, really.

The chances of a lightning strike

Were , to ,

With an error margin of plus or minus ..

- Who are you, and what have you done with freddy?

- Wait a minute.

Freddy, what's the capital of outer mongolia?

- Ulan bator, of course.

- [Gasps] he's right.

- What's the square root of ,?

- , Duh.

- He's right again.

- Quick, solve this incredibly complicated--

Okay, then.

- Otis, what's going on?

- Isn't it obvious?

Freddy's getting hit by lightning made us all dumb.

- Or made him a genius.

- I don't follow.

- Hmm, frankly, I'm skeptical,

From the latin skeptos, meaning "doubtful."

- He is smart.

- I'm frightened.

- He's a witch! Hoo.

- No, guys, he's not a witch.

This is a good thing.

With freddy's new smarts,

He can go on trivia cash a-ding-dong

And win the million-dollar ding-dong!

[All cheering]

- Wait, guys.

Why do we need a million dollars?

We have everything we want.

- I didn't think of that. - Good point.

- Wait, this is my chance

To finally do something for you guys.

I can win us a nest egg for our old age

Or solar panels to make the barn more fuel-efficient.

[Bird screeches]

[Resignedly] we could also buy a hot tub.

[All cheering]

- Now you're talking.

- The witch is right. - Hello!

- Get out your brains.

It's time to play...

All: trivia cash a-ding-dong!

[Cheering]

- Otis, do you really think freddy has a chance

To win the million?

- With his new lightning-induced thing-knowing ability?

I don't know.

- Let's meet today's contestants.

He's a paralegal and part-time hand model.

Say hi to freddy not-a-ferret.

- Let's hope my perspicacity matches my grandiloquence.

- Hey, those words are huge.

Next up, a manicurist who lives with cats.

Let's meet phyllis terwilliger.

- Hi, whiskers.

[Cat wailing]

- And, finally, a legendary behemoth and model train lover.

Say hello to bigfoot.

- [Roars]

- This'll be tough.

Bigfoot really knows his state capitals.

- Hey, let's play some ding-dong.

[Crowd cheering]

In what year did vasco de gama--

Ding!- .

- Hey, he's right.

[Cheering]

Next question.

What country imports--

Ding!- Argentina.

- Right again.

[Cheering]

What film--- miracle at fleetle creek.

- Who-- - beethoven.

- What-- - athlete's foot.

- Where-- - the renaissance.

[Bigfoot roars and cat screeches]

- Hey, you're starting to freak me out.

We got a live one, folks.

[Cheers and applause]

Okay, contestants.

It's time for the ding-dong wordy-word challenge.

[Cheers and applause]

- If freddy wins this round,

He moves on to million-dollar ding-dong.

- Go, fancy boy, go!

- You have seconds to solve this puzzle

Using these letters.

And...puzzle!

Ding!

- The answer is--[cell phone rings]

Oh, excuse me one sec.

Hello.

Why, yes, I would like to change my long-distance service.

- Sweet cud! Those guys always call at the wrong time.

- The puzzle, freddy. Solve the puzzle.

- Anybody else?ding!

- Is it bundt cake?

- Wow, that's a terrible guess.

Ding![Roaring]

- Ooh, so close. But wrong.

Three seconds.

[Suspenseful music]

- Well, you have a nice day too. Ta.

I'd like to solve the puzzle.

New york mets' base-stealing sensation mookie wilson.

- You're going to million-dollar ding-dong!

[Cheers and applause]

Oh, we're out of time, but join us tomorrow,

When freddy not-a-ferret plays for one million smackamoles.

[Cheers and applause]

Crowd: freddy! Freddy! Freddy! Freddy!

- To freddy, the smartest guy we know.

[All cheer]

- [Whistles]

- Thanks ever so.

It's just nice to finally be able

To do something for you guys.

Hey, I should use my big brain to fix the tv.

- This is great.

It's like having a whole new freddy.

- Yeah, his brain is huge.

- Well, I'm done.

- Freddy, what did you use to fix that thing?

- Mud, loose planks.

But the secret ingredient was polenta.

- Freddy, only a moron would fix a tv with polenta.

- Oh, you're right.

I should have used tapioca.

- This looks bad.

- Oh, no, he's dumb again.

- What? No, I'm not.

Two plus two is fish.

German is an attractive language.

[Gasps] oh, no, I am stupid!

- Ooh, that's not good.

- Otis, you have to fix me.

I need to get zapped again.

- Freddy, no, it's too dangerous.

- I don't care.

I refuse to let you guys down.

- Freddy, we don't care if you win or not.

You're our friend.

- A friend who hasn't won the million-dollar ding-dong.

- You know, there is one thing we could try.

[Electricity crackling]

Electric zapping thing charged and ready!

- Freddy, are you sure about this?

- I know what I'm doing.

Shock me, otis.

A dodecahedron has sides.

Australopithecus was the first hominid.

Huzzah, I'm smart again!

- Yeah, but for how long?

- Don't worry, otis.

I will win that million, or my name in anagram form

Isn't yefddet norrafret.

Remember, otis, if I get dumb again,

Just shock me.

The wires are cunningly hidden under this top hat.

- I don't know, freddy.

I'm having second thoughts about this.

- [Laughs] oh, you probably won't even have to.

I'm smarter than ever.

Alpha centauri is . Light-years from earth.

- That's our fancy boy.

- Okay, let's bring out yesterday's big winner,

Freddy not-a-ferret.

[Cheers and applause]

All right, how you been, little guy?

Are you ready to play million-dollar ding-dong?

- I sure am, hilly.

- Well, all righty.

Let's play some ding-dong!

Okay, let's start off with an easy one.

Who is the author of shakespeare's sonnets?

- Phil palashewski.

No, wait. Denise doddlemeier?

Uh, uh...

- He's dumb again. Shock him, otis.

- Sorry, freddy.

- Oh, did I say phil plachevski?

I meant william shakespeare, the bard of avon,

To .

- Correct!

[Cheers and applause]

- Phew!

- Next question.

How many pickles are in a -ounce pickle jar?

- It's, oh, uh...

Could you repeat the question?

- It's wearing off faster and faster.

- I'll boost the power.

Now zap him!

- Okay, but this is the last time.

- Pickles-- if they're gherkins.

Hey, bingo!

[Cheers and applause]

You're one answer away from a million dollars.

For all the potatoes, who won last year's award

For best actress in a circus movie?

- Uh, the answer's on the tip of my tongue.

Uh, it'll zap me in a moment.

I said it'll zap me!

- He needs one more jolt.

I'll boost the power.

- Otis, it says never go that high!

We could fry freddy's brain permanently.

- Permanently? That's almost forever.

I won't risk it.

- Uh, hilly, I'd like to phone a friend.

- Well, that is a different show,

But I don't see why not.

- All right. Let me just get my lucky phone.

Otis, you have to zap me.

- I can't freddy; it's too dangerous.

Let's just go home.

- No, I won't let you guys down.

I need more power.

- Freddy, no!

[Gentle harp music]

- What's happening?

Did I win?

- Not yet, freddy.

- [Gasps] alan einstein?

- It's albert, actually, but that's not important now.

I am here to tell you

That your friends don't care if you're smart.

They love you just the way you are.

- They do?

- Of course.

Oh, and, fyi, the answer to the question

Is cameron diaz.

- Thanks, einstein.

Bye!

- Hey, little guy.

Are you all right?

This usually works,

When you smack somebody in the face a bit.

- The answer is cameron diaz.

- Is that your final ding-dong?

- Yes, it is.

- Well...

That's wrong! You lose!

Crowd: aw!

- Aw! - Boo!

- Curse you, alan einstein!

You know nothing of popular culture!

- See, freddy, this isn't so bad.

We can still play the home version

Of trivia cash a-ding-dong.

- Your turn, freddy.

Name the capital of bulgaria.

- Uh, morgan freeman?

[Laughter]

- He thinks a person is a place.

- Good to have him back.

- Good to have him back, isn't it, really?



[Children laughing]