01x06 - Nepo Bookies

[bunniefuu]

How you doing? You okay?

- It's hard.
- I know.

He was the closest
thing I had to a father.

You ever tell him that?

No.

Well, tell him now.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

Hey, Teddy.

I-I can't. There's people.

Uh, can everyone please back up?

Yeah.

Hey, you heard her.

Colavito's trying to have a
private moment with the deceased.

- Go.
- Thanks.

Just the highlights,
though, huh? I gotta piddle.

Just wanted to thank you for
teaching me how to run a book.

Keep going.

But more importantly,

how to be a stand-up guy.

I love you, Teddy.

I'll miss you forever.

- You're up.
- Yeah.

Good job.

Teddy, I outlived you.

I win. Okay.

Excuse me.

Did you pay your respects?

Yeah, man, you know I
don't do dead bodies.

- Grow up.
- You grow up.

All right. I'm very proud of you.

Thanks.

When I got out of prison, uh,

Teddy took me in and
showed me the ropes.

Least he could do after he
turned his f*ckin' back on us.

- Lorraine, not now, not here.
- Then where?

Am I the only one that remembers

he had no room for us after Mom d*ed?

His baby sister?

- He regretted that, believe me.
- Oh, did he?

Did he end up in a foster
home with a creepy foster dad

- who bought him hot pants for Christmas?
- How much did she have to drink?

I had to wear those things
and serve him a Rob Roy

when he came home from work.

- Keep your voice down.
- I was 12.

Come on, let's go get some food in you.

- 12.
- Come here.

What's a Rob Roy?

That's what you got from that?

♪ ♪

We are here today to
honor a great bookie

and a great man.

A man who went the extra mile
for the people in his life.

True story, hand to God.

I once found myself

in a bit of a pickle with
some very bad people.

[CLEARS THROAT] Armenians.

And that man there

walked into a warehouse

within which I was hanging upside down,

and posted the 30 grand
that allowed for my eventual release.

What with the interest and all,

I wound up paying him $112,000.

But it sure as hell b*at
the taste of my own genitals.

Thank you.

Joe Namath wasn't the only one

who predicted the Jets
would win Super Bowl III.

That man there in the box

had a hunch.

And he was decent enough

to share it with a struggling single mom

who desperately needed a big win

to pay for her son's
back brace. [CHUCKLES]

The Colts lost that day.

And so did scoliosis.

Before I met Teddy,

I lived my life with a shameful secret.

While on the outside,

I was a nice Jewish
boy from Philadelphia,

on the inside, I was Robert Duvall

from Lonesome Dove.

Until one day,

Teddy dropped by my shop
to fence a silver tea set.

I didn't ask him where it came from.

We haggled, we settled on a price,

and then, for some
reason I don't understand,

I told him the whole story.

How I was keeping a secret horse

up in Simi Valley,

and on the sabbath,
when my family thought

I was praying at shul,
I was riding Ginger

in the hills above Magic Mountain.

And you know what Teddy said to me?

He said, "Irving, why
do you keep fighting

what God wants you to be?

It's time you lived your truth."

And from that day forward,

that is what I did.

Teddy, happy trails, compadre.

Until we meet again.

You know, I-I want to grieve for Teddy.

I do. But I can't.

And I'll tell you why.

Part of me envies him.

He's the lucky one.

He got out at the right time.

Before Draft Kings and
Fan Duel, pardon my French,

stuck their corporate dicks up the ass

of every decent God-fearing
bookie in America.

Teddy, you were always two moves ahead.

And dying the slow, agonizing
way you did proves it.

Thank you.

A lot of amazing things
were said about my dad today.

I learned a lot.

For starters, that he
was capable of love.

You know, I wouldn't know that
because I was an embarrassment to him.

- Viggy, don't. Please.
- VIGGY: That's another thing.

He named me Viggy.

As in "vigorish,"
the juice you place on a bet.

I'm begging you.

VIGGY: And you let him.

You let him send me
away to m*llitary school

so they could make a man out of me.

Well, guess what? The joke's on him.

I found my people there.

At the George Patton Army Academy,

they had a vibrant q*eer community.

And the uniforms were spiffy!

You're the best, Papi!

Thank you, baby.

I could stand here and say
I'm gonna miss my father...

but I've been missing him my whole life.

f*ck yeah!

Come on, baby.

Good job.

I met Teddy when I was hooking

over at the Spread Eagle
Ranch in Pahrump, Nevada.

And unlike Julia Roberts,

I didn't have a heart of gold.

First time I shtupped Teddy,

I stole his watch and
his Diner's Club card.

But unperturbed...

he kept coming back.

And eventually,

he stole my heart.

But more important, made things
right with the Genovese family

so I could, you know, leave.

I want her to be my mother.

- They broke the mold with that one.
- Yeah.

I'm so sorry I smoked
and I took diet pills

when I was pregnant with Viggy.

But we didn't know back then.

Why in the f*ck would you buy a boat?

WALT: First of all, I didn't buy it.

I took it in trade.

If it flies, floats or fucks, lease it.

Come on, I taught you guys that sh*t.

Second of all,

if you take bets three miles offshore,

you're in international waters.

And, best part,

outside the reach of the
local gendarmes. Ha-ha.

What about the Coast Guard?

What about 'em? I've broken no laws.

I'm just a man with
sunscreen on his nose

trying to catch a mahi

or, you know, some kind
of trout. I don't know.

No trout in the ocean.

Big picture, bubbie. Big picture.

The point is I've created
an offshore sports book,

and you guys need to buy in.

You want us to buy a part of your boat?

The dream.

I want you to buy part of the dream.

- What's going on?
- Oh, imagine this one

in a bikini, all greased up,

sunning herself on the aft deck.

Up periscope,

- right?
- Walt, tone it down.

Too much?

E-Excuse me?

I was told I could place a bet with you.

Really? Now?

Sure. Who do you like?

Ah, Milwaukee Braves.

You mean Atlanta.

No. Milwaukee.

Lew Burdette.

Put me down for a double sawbuck.

No, no. Your credit's good here.

Oh.

- Thanks, kid.
- Good luck.

WALT: Wow. That was very classy.

Eh, I learned from the best.

Hey. You know what?

We could call the boat
the Classy Danny, huh?

- Okay, you ready to go?
- Yeah.

Anchors away.

VIGGY: Yo, Danny.

How come no eulogy?

I couldn't. I'm sorry.

VIGGY: I'm surprised,

you were more like a
son to him than I ever was.

Nah, listen, I feel bad
hearing all you went through.

You know, different generation,
not accepting of your

- alternate whatever the f*ck you do.
- [VIGGY SCOFFS]

Blood under the bridge.

So listen, uh, you know, the 20% gross

you were paying to my father,
we're gonna keep that going.

To who?

- To me.
- [LAUGHING]: This f*cking guy.

I don't think so.
Your father gave me the book.

I owed him, not you.

Well, first of all, the book
should've gone to his genetical son.

- Genetical?
- [CHUCKLES]

DANNY: Well, shoulda woulda coulda,

but he gave it to me, Vigorish.

And I paid the 20%
for 18 years without fail.

And you're gonna keep paying it.

And when I'm dead,

you're gonna pay my child.

- You two have a kid?
- We're gonna adopt.

Korea, you can buy them in bulk.

Well, I got an idea.

Why don't you get a
job for the first time

in your motherfuckin' life?

RAY: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We don't want to do this here.

I could k*ll you so easy right now.

- But you'd have to k*ll me first.
- Okay, this is where we leave.

- Hang on, hang on.
- No, walk with me.

Thoughts and prayers.



DANNY: f*ck off.

Whew.

My God.

Oh, look at me.

I'm shpritzing over here.

_

_

_

_

[DOOR BUZZES]

- Guisados.
- Gotta go.

Be right down.

Tacos, tacos, tacos.

- Hello.
- Wha...

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

We don't carry cash on the premises.

Shh, shh, shh. We're
not here for your money.

Okay.

How may I help you?

Tell Danny to do the right thing, okay?

You betcha. Do you wanna
leave a name or a card?

[LAUGHS] He'll know.

Here you go. [LAUGHS] Bye.

Enjoy your lunch.

What's wrong with me
that I'm still hungry?

I'm telling you, we gotta strap up.

Hit the mattresses. This is w*r, baby.

All right, all right, calm down.

No, no, no, no. They started this fight

and I'm f*cking finishing it.

You got a little Tapatío right there.

So, what's the plan?

What're you looking at me for?

- Who should we look at?
- Maybe me and you

should have a sit-down with Viggy.

Don't forget the other guy.

I swear to God, he had a boner
when he was strangling my neck.

We're not gonna talk to Viggy.

Then who?

The one person in this
world he's truly afraid of.

Come on in, fellas.

I got ziti, I got
Entenmann's. We'll talk.

Thanks, Nancy.

- What are you drinking?
- Uh, water's fine.

- Yeah, sure.
- [CHUCKLES] f*ck you.

Juanita!

Make a couple of screwdrivers,

and put them in those big glasses.

I am very sorry about this, fellas.

Well, out of respect to your husband,

I wanted to come to
you before we respond.

You got a response?

[EXHALES]

What I thought.

- VIGGY [OVER PHONE]: Yeah?
- Viggy, it's your mother.

Can I call you back?
This isn't a good time.

Shut up and listen.

You and Marco are gonna stand
down on this Danny nonsense.

Okay, how do you know about that?

He honored the deal with your father.

- That's the end of that.
- Mom.

Leave Danny and Tall,
Dark and Handsome alone.

Ugh. Okay.

You coming to dinner?

- Chicken Kiev.
- Can Marco come?

Oh, for God's sakes.

Okay, can you just tell him
to eat with his mouth closed?

He was a kickboxer, Mom.

He can't breathe through his nose.

Okay, fine. I love you. Bye.

Drink up.

He won't give you any more trouble.

- Salud.
- Salud.

Salud.

Juanita!

We're ready for the scungilli!

[LAUGHS]: I can't.

No, I can't.

Okay, fine.

I'm wearing a black,
lacy bra and a G-string.

It's panties, you fool.

What are you wearing?

Dungarees and a lumberjack shirt?

What part of that is
supposed to get me going?

We celebrating, Grandma. Whoo!

Not now, Rayfield.

Hey, I'm moving you out of this dump

and getting you back to Brentwood.

Frank, you're on your own. For real?

For real. My piece of the book
just got a whole lot bigger.

- Oh, Rayfield, that's wonderful.
- Mm-hmm.

So, first thing tomorrow,

we gonna find a realtor
and start looking.

Can we get something
with a big backyard?

Whatever you want.

We're gonna need lots
of space for tables

- and a dance floor.
- For what?

Frank asked me to marry him.

I mean, we were thinking June, but...

who knows if we'll be
alive, so maybe sooner.

Grandma, you've been seeing
this man for, what, three weeks?

It's a little more complicated.

- Come on, sit down.
- Just tell me.

Sit.

[EXHALES]

Uh...

Forty-two and one-half years ago,

God tested Frank and I...

- and we failed.
- Okay, that's enough. You ain't got to tell me...

- No, no. You need to hear it all.
- Uh-huh.

- Francine, his wife, was my best friend.
- [GROANS]

She was a deep sleeper,
and we took full advantage.

Ugh. God.

I betrayed her trust,

and I've been carrying
that guilt all these years.

How do you make that right?

Well, you don't.

You just live your life
knowing that you're a sinner.

You think less of me?

No.

Just makes you human.

Thank you.

Now, do I get to walk
you down that aisle?

- You better.
- [CHUCKLES]

Pop that cork. I'm-a
go get the gummy bears.

Ooh! Yes.

JEFFREY: Know what I
love about this place?

The bacteria?

How tired they are
when you take them home.

My guy will be asleep
before we get on the freeway.

Divorced?

Nope. Stepdad.

JEFFREY: Oh, man, you're
going for some bonus points.

You'd think they'd have some
monitors here so we could watch

Michigan-Ohio State instead
of our kids getting Ebola.

You enjoy college football?

Maybe a little too much.

You wouldn't happen to know
what the line on the game is?

As a matter of fact, I would.

[ENTRY BELL CHIMES]

There she is.

What do you want?

Is that any way to talk to a customer?

I'm just here shopping
for a gift for my mommy.

Oh.

These look nice.

[GASPS SOFTLY]

The middle's where you
get the bigger bounce.

No, I'm-I'm good where I am.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hey! Check it out.

I'm on a trampoline.

Anthony, do your stuff for your mom.

Oh, wow, look at you.

Danny, turn the phone around.

- Viggy's here.
- What?

- And his husband. He...
- Give me the phone.

Hey, assh*le. You go to my mother?

- What the f*ck do you want?
- I want what's mine.

Otherwise, this is what's
gonna happen to what's yours.

Okay, stop. Stop.

- Thirty percent.
- Twenty.

You're negotiating?

[SHATTERS]

Fine. You win.

Just get the f*ck out of there.

VIGGY: I expect an
envelope every Tuesday

and every Tuesday thereafter.

[WHISPERS]: Can I keep this one?

Oh. Of course you can, baby.

He collects unicorns. [CHUCKLES]

So cute. Come on.

[GLASS CRUNCHING]

- You okay?
- Of course I'm not okay!

Stay there.

I'll be, I'll be right there.

Anthony, we got to go.

But we just got here.

We got to, we got to go.

ANTHONY: This is bullshit.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

- [TIRES SCREECH]
- Wait here.

[ENTRY BELL CHIMES]

Oh, Jesus.

- I am so sorr...
- Stay away from me.

We can make this right. We
have insurance, uh, cash.

No, nothing makes this right.

Those animals can come
back any time they want.

- Well, they're not after you, they're after me.
- Well, it sure didn't feel that way

when they were tearing this place up.

- I'll take care of it.
- [STAMMERS]

- Holy sh*t.
- I said wait in the car.

- Mom, are you okay?
- I am, baby.

All right, come on,
let's get out of here.

Let me get my purse.

Oh, it's okay, buddy.

It's all right, it's gonna be okay.

I just promised my grandma
I was gonna get her to a nice place.

DANNY: Yeah, well, what are we gonna do?
They came at my wife.

I got to rethink this
whole gay thing now.

What are you talking about?

I just always assumed
they were the good guys.

That's understandable,
they got terrific PR.

Yo, yo.

DANNY: Hey, Marco.

Viggy, the assholes are here.

It's good to see you, too.

You having a party?

It's our anniversary.

Oh. Mazel tov.

Yeah, mazel tov.

DANNY: So, uh, you and Viggy

have been a happy couple
for quite some time, huh?

- 20 years.
- In a row?

We had one bad year
when he cheated on me.

Oh, that rascal. What'd you do?

- What do you care?
- DANNY: Eh, you've been married

longer than I have.
I could learn from you.

And this guy, soon as a relationship

gets complicated, "See ya."

Yeah, running is easy.

Are you listening?

So?

What could I do? I forgave him.

Just like that?

Well, first, I b*at the
living sh*t out of him.

And then we forgave each other.

Hey. What's going on?

DANNY: Uh, Marco was just telling us

how you guys kept it
together all these years.

- Very romantic.
- Yeah, f*ck you. You got my money?

- Right here.
- Thank you.

And to be clear, it rains every week.

Every week. We done?

Almost. I want to hear Ray say it.

Every week.

Good boy.

You're dismissed.

Give me the reason I don't
k*ll both of them in their sleep.

'Cause I got a better idea.

That's what you said about his mother.

And now I got another better idea.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey, Lex.

I'm so sorry. I just, uh,

- I need a little more time.
- Calm down.

How about we, uh, give you an
opportunity to work off your debt?

The both of you? I
can do the both of you.

No, not us.

[DOOR OPENS]

[GASPS] Oh, sh*t.

[EXHALES]

Can we at least wait until they dry?

- We come as friends.
- ♪ Love ♪

♪ Love will keep us together ♪

♪ Think of me, babe, whenever ♪

♪ Some sweet-talking girl comes along ♪

♪ Singing her song... ♪

Are you kidding me?

Your husband is standing right there!

- What's going on?
- Viggy wants to f*ck me in the bathroom.

- No, I don't.
- He tried the same thing with me.

Who the f*ck are you?

Oh, come on.

- Oh, Viggy. On our anniversary?
- No, baby, I didn't do anything wrong.

- I don't know these people.
- You son of a bitch!

Hey! Back off!

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

- Oh, f*ck.
- [CLAMORING]

Yeah.

B-Baby!

[MUFFLED SCREAMING AND SHOUTING]

- Oh... [LAUGHS]
- Oh, sh*t.

Oh, f*ck. Oh, baby, baby.

- I trusted you!
- Oh, baby, baby, no...

No, you got to believe me! [SCREAMING]

[YELLING]

BOTH: Oh!

- Yeah!
- Oh, oh!

Better idea!

- Look, look, look. Oh, sh*t!
- [LAUGHS] Yeah!

OPERATOR [OVER PHONE]: Police emergency,


Yeah, hey, hi. I'm-I'm on the corner

- of the...
- Warbler and, uh, Blue Jay Way.

Warbler and Blue Jay Way. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, come here quick.

[GRUNTING]

[ENGINE STARTS]

- I'm a little hungry, how about you?
- Oh, I could eat.

- [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS]
- DANNY: Oh, no, no, no.

- I get the radio for the next hour.
- [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

RAY: Oh, f*ck me.

♪ That love was meant for you... ♪

There he is.

- RAY: Hey, buddy.
- [MUFFLED GRUNT]

Brought you some flowers.

Just talked to your mom outside.

- Boy, is she having quite the week.
- Mm.

RAY: It's probably
not a good time to ask,

but with you in here and Marco in jail,

who do we pay every Tuesday?

DANNY: You know what?

Don't worry about it.

Just focus on getting better.

RAY: You're gonna walk again.

I just know it.

[MUFFLED SCREAM]

- Shall we?
- We shall.

[CRYING]

I noticed some blood in your urine.

Don't worry about it.
I'll tell the nurse.

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I love Jimmy Luxury ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey, la-la-la ♪

♪ I'll see you tomorrow in Havana ♪

♪ I love Jimmy Luxury. ♪