[gentle music]
[straws slurping]
- Not that was good.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat music]
♪ Set in my ways ♪
♪ Loosing track of the days ♪
♪ Only me to live for ♪
♪ Had no need to give more than I want to ♪
♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪
♪ Never getting caught up ♪
♪ Love was never brought up ♪
♪ It's not the thing to do ♪
♪ Ooh, it was you ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪
♪ Ooh, it was you ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ You reeled me right in, line, sinker and hook ♪
♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ It was you and me and you ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ It was you and me and you ♪
♪ It was you and me and then came you ♪
[gentle upbeat music]
- Hi, darling.
- Hi, ya, sweetheart.
What'd you buy?
- Scaloppine in a bag.
- Beg your pardon.
- Yes, just boil and serve.
It's from Instant Edibles.
You know that shop just off the loop?
Mildred Williams told me about it.
- Mildred Williams?
- Yeah, Marvin's mother.
You know, the cute little blonde boy in Web's class.
- Oh yeah, yeah, nice kid, real smart.
- Oh yeah, and was she thrilled.
It seems that Marvin brought home a letter
from the principal's office inviting him
to go into the rapid advancement class.
- Oh, that's good for Marvin.
So where's Web's letter?
- What letter?
- Come on, Katherine, if Marvin has a letter
and Web must have a letter.
Maybe we could frame it and put it in the library.
- Honey, not every child makes it to the special class.
- Darling, we're not talking about every child,
we're talking about our child.
So, come on, where's the letter?
- Well, Marvin's came last week,
so I guess Web didn't get one.
- Oh, come on, Katherine.
Dopey Marvin got a letter and Web didn't?
- Dopey? What happened to nice kid, real smart?
- Have you ever tried talking to Marvin?
It's like talking to an eight
-year
-old.
- He is an eight
-year
-old.
- Oh, that's great, Katherine, that's great.
Take his side.
[audience laughs]
- And so Detective Spinelli put it all together,
a bed filled with talcum powder,
a body covered with downy feathers.
The conclusion was obvious.
Irving Flack had dusted himself to death.
[audience laughs]
- Wow, what a way to go.
- Billy, what do you think?
- I think that writer that you proofread for
should be forced to read one of his own books very slowly.
- Oh, I put back your books.
I'm sorry they're overdue.
- Hey, pal, no problem.
Let's see, non
-fiction.
These are five
-day books.
They're two days overdue.
Let's see, how much do I charge a day?
- Billy.
- Just kidding.
- He's just kidding.
- I wasn't gonna charge you.
- Thanks. [audience laughs]
- So, did you enjoy the books?
- Yes, especially this one about American history.
Did you know Chicago was founded
by a black man named Jean Baptiste?
[Bill speaking in French]
Yeah, him. [audience laughs]
- Mr. And Mrs. George Papadopoulos.
Oh, and it's from the principal's office.
Very impressive.
- Yeah, maybe we could leave it here for a while.
- What happened?
Did you get into trouble at school?
- Sorta.
I got accepted to the rapid advancement class.
- That's trouble?
When I was in school, trouble meant staying after school
and trimming Mrs. Carzy's beard.
[audience laughs]
She was our school goat.
Attractive, in a rural kind of way.
I remember one afternoon
-
- Bill.
Webster, I think it's wonderful
you've been accepted into that class.
Your parents are gonna be very proud of you.
- Yeah, but I don't think I like it that much.
It's a different part of the school and has different hours
and I'll never get to see my friends.
- Yeah.
Sometimes change can be scary, huh?
- Yeah, and all the kids are afraid of rapid advancement.
They put Tommy Turner in their class two months ago
and nobody ever saw him again, ever.
[audience laughs]
- The principal obviously doesn't recognize
genuine academic talent, Katherine.
Ah
-huh, and I'm gonna give him a talking to.
- Could you talk to me and I talk to you
and we kind of talk together?
- Darling, we always talk together.
I'd like to talk to him now.
- Listen, Mr. Leader of the Pack.
We're a family, could we please discuss this as a family?
- Fine, go get Web.
- Okay.
- I'm putting it down.
[audience laughs]
- Webster!
- Hi, ma'am.
Oh here, I forgot to give this to you.
- Oh.
- Well, I'll tell you something, Dr. Lipshitz,
there's a lot of people who think
you're not doing a very good job.
Of course, I'm not one of them.
[audience laughs]
Well, keep up the good work.
Rapid advancement class.
Where is he?
Where's my little genius?
- Right here, George.
- You see that, Katherine, he knows just where he is.
How many kids today know where they are?
- George.
- Yes.
- Could you put me down?
- Katherine.
This calls for a celebration.
- This calls for a discussion.
I'm not sure I'm in favor of Webster
going into a rapid advanced class.
He's doing very well where he is.
- Exactly, that's why he needs a challenge
of a rapid advancement class, darling.
- Why?
- Why? Because he's capable of doing more.
- George.
- Web, please.
- He's happy where he is
and when you're happy, you learn.
I don't see why we should disrupt his life.
- Ma'am.
- Just a second.
- Who's talking about disruption?
Katherine, I'm talking about opportunity.
Now, my papa came over here with a third
-grade education
and he swore that his sons would do better and we did.
And now, now Webster's got a chance to do better than me.
- Then I.
- Okay, both of us.
[audience laughs]
It's like papa used to say, when opportunity knocks.
- [All] Don't ask, "Who is it?"
- Exactly.
- Guys.
- Just a minute.
- Please.
- Don't I get a vote?
- Web, we're talking about your life and your future,
so please mind your business.
- George.
- Of course you get a vote.
- Thank you, ma'am.
- Now, what's your vote?
- Wait.
Before you cast your ballot, remember this.
I don't want you to go in that special class because of me
because it would make me the happiest, proudest father
in the world, because it would lengthen my life.
[audience laughs]
So my precious, precious son, what would you like to do?
- I wanna be in a rapid advancement class.
- He's a chip off the old baklava.
[audience laughs]
First couple weeks in the new class, huh?
- [Webster] Yeah.
- A big test coming up, huh?
- Yeah.
- Do I make you nervous?
- Yeah.
[audience laughs]
- Yeah?
Okay, I'll just go downstairs and watch a little TV
then, I guess.
Maybe defrost the refrigerator.
[audience laughs] [George chuckles]
Oops.
- It's okay, you guys can come out now.
- It's a good thing your house
has all these secret passages, or else we never see you.
- Yeah, I miss you guys too.
You know, I don't even have anyone to play with
in my new class.
- Tommy Turner's in rapid advance.
Maybe you could be friends with him.
- Grow up, Kathy.
Tommy Turner is gone.
Nobody's ever gonna see him again.
- Well, why don't you just get outta that dumb class?
- I can't, George would be all disappointed in me.
Listen, I can't play anymore.
- But, Webster.
- I already broken the rules.
I gotta study, you guys better go.
- Okay, bye, Webster.
- See you around.
- Yeah, that's what they said to Tommy Turner.
[audience laughs]
[door clunks]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.
[audience laughs]
No.
This is great.
Now Webster is sneaking his friends in the house.
- Ow.
- Being too hard on him.
- Why, 'cause I want him to study, Katherine?
- Hey, I want him to study too,
but I want him to have an hour off for R&R.
- Trust me, darling, it's for his own good.
- Goof off again and I'll call the police
is for his own good? [audience laughs]
- It's just a joke, okay?
It's father and son stuff.
- Oh.
- Uh, hi, Raymond Seltzer III.
- We remember you, Raymond.
- Oh, good.
- Well, bye.
- Bye.
- Here.
- Thanks.
[door slams]
- Where have you been, professor?
I've been waiting for you.
What took you so long?
- I took the long way home.
Can I go to my room?
- Oh yeah, but wait a minute now.
Where's the test paper?
- Yoo
-hoo! [door slams]
- Katherine, we're in the library.
We've got the test paper back today.
- Oh, well.
- Come on.
Come on, let's see it.
How did we do?
- We flunked.
- What do you mean we flunked?
We studied, we should have done well.
- I know.
I never flunked the test my whole entire life.
Now the kids in that new class think I'm stupid.
- Well, then starting tomorrow you'll go back
to your old class where you were happy.
- But, ma'am, I can't go back.
If I do, all of my old friends will know
I couldn't make it in the new class.
Then they think I'm stupid too.
I hate school.
- Now, Webster.
- I wish I was Tommy Turner so I could just disappear.
[gentle music]
I'm disappointing George all over the place.
- Webster, come here.
This is not about George.
This is about you
and whether or not you wanna be in that advanced class.
You lost your confidence a little bit?
- Yeah, and I wish I could find it.
I used to be a lot peppier.
[Katherine laughs]
- Well, I found mine when I'd lost it.
I found it when I was your age.
- You lost your confidence?
- Oh, you bet I did.
- Wow, and you're the most confident person I know.
- Well, you see, you just can't judge a book by its cover.
Now take the Nutcracker, for instance.
- The ballet?
- Yeah.
There I was standing in my tutu and my toe shoes
ready to make my big entrance.
See, I was the third sugar plum fairy.
I was the tallest of all the fairies,
but everybody said I was an excellent dancer.
And then I got out there and oh, Webster,
I fell right on my
-
- Ma'am!
- Tutu, I was gonna say tutu.
- Yeah, sure
- I was, I was.
Oh, and then I just got up and I ran off the stage
and I wouldn't go back for the next three performances.
- And then what happened?
- Well, then it was the final performance
and I thought, well, I'll just give it one more try.
- And were you great?
- No, actually I fell again.
- Thanks, ma'am, I fell a lot better now.
- No, no, no, wait, sit. [audience laughs]
See, after the second time I fell,
instead of running off the stage,
I picked myself up and continued dancing.
- Really?
- Yes.
And you know, at the end of the performance,
I got a standing ovation?
By getting up and continuing dancing,
I got my confidence back.
It's kind of like turning an F into an A.
You could do the same thing.
- I could, how?
- Simple.
You just draw a straight line from the top of that F
all the way down and you'll get a solid A.
- George. [audience laughs]
- I was just reminiscing, darling.
[audience laughs]
Did you tell him?
- I'm getting to it.
- Web, we talked to your teacher.
We have some good news.
- Really?
- Yeah.
She's gonna let you do a project,
you know, something special,
and if she likes it, bingo, that F is gone.
- What kind of project?
- Well, something from American History,
just like your test.
- Boy, I hope I can think of something.
- I'm sure you will and we'll be there to help you.
- Really?
- You bet.
Hey, it's like the Three Musketeers.
One for all and all for one.
- Yeah, I love those little guys, especially Annette.
[audience laughs]
- Okay, here it is, my special project.
Ta
-da!
It's my diorama.
What you see before your very own eyes
is a three
-dimensional recreation of life
mounted in a shoebox.
- Oh, it's wonderful.
- I tried to get all the details right.
- You got all the details right, champ, right, Katherine?
- Oh yeah, great details, just great.
- I just hope everyone can tell what it is.
- It's, I know, it's, go on, Katherine, go on.
I don't wanna spoil it for you.
You tell him what it is.
- Thank you, George.
- We know.
- Okay, now what we have here is a diorama.
It's a wonderful diorama with fella.
- [Webster] Yeah.
- And a book.
- A Bible.
See, I even wrote it out, B
-I
-B
-L
-E.
- Good penmanship too, okay.
So now this is a fellow with his pipe cleaner on the Bible.
- No, that's his hand.
- Oh, oh, oh, and another pipe cleaner
swearing in the man with the pipe cleaner hand.
- That's it.
- Keep going, Katherine, you're on a roll.
- Now, why would one pipe cleaner swear in a guy
with a pipe cleaner hand
unless he was swearing in the president?
- That's ridiculous.
- That's it!
- That's it?
- That's it! Yay, Katherine.
It's the swearing end of the president.
- The first president?
- Ha!
Of course, it wouldn't be the seventh
or the ninth President
if you could go for numero uno, ha ha!
- You could really tell?
- Absolutely, the powdered wig was a dead giveaway.
- I put talc on a cotton ball.
- Well, that was a very smart thing to do.
- Yes, it was, wasn't it?
- Yes, it was.
Well, I think this is an A in any class.
- You bet, I'm real proud of you, champ.
- Oh, those blueprints are wonderful.
- My Bill is a wonderful draftsman.
- Yes, I am. [audience laughs]
If you'll cop a glance over here,
you'll see that I'm also planning to build
a tree house for somebody, if you catch my drift.
- Oh, thanks, Bill, I love tree houses.
[audience laughs]
- He's referring to Webster.
- It's okay, it's a big tree.
So is Webster any happier?
- What do you mean is Webster any happier?
He's the happiest kid I know.
- No, Cassie, I don't think he is.
Of course, that's what happens when children are pushed
into areas that they're not ready for.
- I'd beg to differ with you, Katherine.
If we don't push our own children,
whose children are we gonna push?
- You're darn right.
Pushing a kid is a parent's job.
It's the American way.
[audience laughs]
- Hey.
What the heck happened to you?
- Oh my.
- Jack Wayne laughed at me in class
and then he pushed me around in the schoolyard.
- Why?
- Same reason all the other kids laughed at me, my diorama.
- That's ridiculous.
Why would anyone laugh at your diorama?
- I don't know, I thought it was pretty good.
- It is.
- Yeah, and I even got all the details right.
- Well, you sure did.
- I even got the first president's hair right.
- Right.
- I mean that's exactly how John Hanson looked.
- You betcha.
I got a dollar right here that proves.
Who's John Hanson?
- That's what teacher said
then that's when all the kids started to laugh.
See, they thought George Washington
was the first president.
- How dare they? [audience laughs]
- George Washington was the first president.
- I thought so, too,
'till I borrowed that book from Bill and Cassie.
- What kind of books are you giving my kid?
- Good educational reading material.
Same kind I gave all my students.
- I thought you were a shop teacher.
- Yes, but in my shop class,
I never passed a student unless he could read.
- But what kind of book says that John Hanson
was the first president of the United States of America?
- An historically accurate one.
John Hanson was elected president
right after the American Revolution.
His title was President of the United States
in Congress Assembled.
- Yeah, Washington wasn't elected
'till they signed the Constitution.
- Good going, kiddo.
- I wish my teacher knew that.
- Well, why don't you take that book in tomorrow
and show it to her, and thank you.
- Bill, let's leave the Papadapoli alone.
We'll come back for the blueprints later.
- And by the way, George, I know what you're thinking,
but you don't have to apologize, believe me.
Although a basket of fruit might be nice.
- Why would you think that I was thinking of apologizing?
- Because I know that you're an honest,
decent man of integrity.
- I'm sorry, Bill. [audience laughs]
- And if you are thinking
of going through with a basket of fruit, throw in a peach.
Make it a cling.
It's Detective Spinelli's favorite.
[audience laughs]
- Well.
- Know what, guys?
First thing I'm gonna do tomorrow is bring that book
to school and show everyone how smart I am,
especially, Jack Wayne.
- Well, it isn't nice to gloat, but you can smile a lot,
and if you want, you can go back to your old class.
- I can? You really mean it?
- It's your choice.
- George,
I don't mean to disappoint you,
but I miss all my friends
and I miss playing baseball after school
and now all the kids will know I'm not dumb
because I knew about John Hanson.
- Well.
- Yeah?
- It's okay.
- Thank you, guys.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
[audience laughs]
- George, I got a little something for you,
and if you're really nice,
I'll let you wear it tonight
and I'll even call you Chubby!
[audience laughs]
- It's Cubby.
[audience laughs]
[Katherine imitating mouse squeaking]
- Webster.
- Will be back.
- In a moment. [Webster giggles]
You know what, Tommy Turner didn't disappear after all.
He was in Germany with the measles.
- Oh, you mean you had German measles?
- Yeah, that. [audience laughs]
And he loved being in rapid advancement class.
- I guess you and Tommy like different things.
- Yeah, but we both smart, right?
- You betcha.
- Okay, smart guy, answer me this one.
Where is Webster Long's most ticklish spot?
- That's easy, on his left arm.
[audience laughs]
[lively music] ["Webster" theme music]
[dramatic music]
02x10 - Too Much Class
Watch/Buy Amazon
Set in Chicago, revolves around Webster Long, a 5-year-old African American orphan whose biological parents were recently k*lled in a car accident and is taken in by his godfather, retired football star George Papadopolis.
Set in Chicago, revolves around Webster Long, a 5-year-old African American orphan whose biological parents were recently k*lled in a car accident and is taken in by his godfather, retired football star George Papadopolis.