01x02 - The Distraction

[bunniefuu]

[Eric] I can't die alone, Carol!
I can't do it!

[heartbeat thumping]

Those feminine qualities of yours
would go a long way toward helping Steven.

This was a mistake. I'm sorry.

Can we at least talk about it?!

[heartbeat continues]

Carol!

- Carol, please! Come back!
- [car drives off]

[heartbeat fades]

[soft instrumental music playing]

[sighs]

- [sobbing]
- [engine revving]

[Eric wailing]

[sobbing]

Carol!

Joanna!

Marcy Anne!

[Eric groans]

That's why everything's so screwed.

Love! It's some dumb chemical
telling us to procreate.

That's not love. Not real love.

You know what's real love? This.

This is real love. Us.

This moment.

I don't know, man.
I was just looking for my dog.

I'm a good person, right?

I think I'm gonna be sick.

[urine trickling]

- [squawking]
- Get back! Get away!

Stop following me!

[seagulls squawking]

[Steven] Dad?

[Eric breathes shakily]

Carol. [sobbing]

What?

[sobbing]

[Eric] Carol.

Where did you go?

[phone ringing in background]

[keyboards clacking]

- [music fades]
- [printer whirring]

[phones ringing]

[melancholy ambient music playing]

[phones ringing]

[printer whirring]

Sorry, I was...

- Um, excuse me, sir?
- [phone ringing]

Um...

[clicking]

Um...

- [tense music swelling]
- [clacking sounds intensify]

[man] Don't just stand there.

Come in.

Thirty-eight...

- Sorry. I was just looking for...
- [man grumbles]

Um, I just wanted to know who...

[man mutters under breath] Sixty...

- Sir?
- [man] No.

No. No. No. [sighs]

No. No.

All right. Let's get you started.

What?

[flashbulb pops]

Lovely. And one more just in case.

Great.

- So this is...
- Name?

Um, Carol. Carol Kohl.

I'm sorry, it's just...

Social?

- I was just wondering...
- Social?

Uh, 212-09-7694.

This is your employee welcome packet.

Inside you'll find a map of the building,
our handbook, calendar,

and your emergency contact form.

I'm gonna need that by the end of the day.

Did you drive in?

No, I took the train.

That's how I got here.
I saw this woman and she...

- Okay. If you do decide to drive...
- [beeping]

...let me know
so I can get you a parking pass.

Okay, but...

Look at that. That's really nice.

Show this to security downstairs
or they won't let you in.

Your duties will be mostly day-to-day.
Sorting, filing, collating, copying.

You might be called upon to do
some light to moderate lifting,

so be prepared.

That's Payroll,
this is Accounts Receivable,

Sales is two floors up,
Marketing is one down,

these men are all named Terry,

and this right here is you.

Any questions?

- [keyboards clacking]
- [printer whirring]

I guess, um...

[clicks tongue] Is this...

[soft ambient music playing]

[whirring stops]

Everyone here is...

But outside...

I don't... I mean...

What is this?

Welcome aboard.

["Computer Love"
by Balenescu Quartet playing]

[photocopier whirring]

[vacuum whirring]

[woman] Administrative assistants
are the glue that bind everything.

They're the lubricant
which allows everything to run smoothly.

Well-informed.

Dependable.

A self-starter.

- [photocopier whirring]
- Waits for no instruction.

Proactive. An impeccable sense of detail.

[vacuum whirring]

- It seems to be beyond the figures.
- The gap-to-gap problem?

Maybe. I'll check the books.

Did you say first quarter
or third quarter?

- I don't remember.
- Could be both.

["Computer Love" continues playing]

- [ship horn blows]
- [man 1] Accounting is a voyage.

It requires patience and focus.

The liabilities of 9-19 will appear
as liabilities of current assets...

- [male voice] More! More!
- ...within 12 months.

[man 2] Boardroom attire. Slacks.
The efficient arrangement of numbers.

[The Boss] Fold them into
February's statement.

- [woman 1] Price points.
- [man 3] Adjustments to the EOQ.

[man 4] Nesting depreciating assets.
Accrued outbound expenses.

- [man 3] As of end of day.
- [woman 2] On the 10th of the month.

[photocopier whirring]

Well, you know what they say
about these pesky elevators.

Watch out. They'll always let you down.

[all laughing]

[discordant string music playing]

[melancholy ambient music playing]

[heartbeat thumping]

[squelching and warbling]

[heartbeat stops]

[soft electronic music playing]

[elevator bell chimes]

[elevator bell chimes]

Uh... [sighs]

Hi, I'm Carol.

[whirring]

[photocopier whirring]

- [beeping and whirring]
- [music halts]

[distant phones ringing]

[printer whirring]

- [phones ringing]
- [printers whirring]

Um, I'm stepping out to get some toner.

So... if anyone needs anything,
just let me know.

Chips?

Maybe some apples?

Those nuts?

Macadamia nuts?

Okay, sorry. I'll be back.

[engine revving]

[dramatic instrumental music playing]

- No, no, no, no!
- [horn honking]

- Oh, God! Oh, God!
- [horn honking]

[music fades]

[melancholy ambient music playing]

[straining]

[crashing and thudding]

[Carol grunting]

[blows]

[groans]

[cell phone ringing]

- Hello?
- Carol, it's Janette!

Oh, God. It was so nice
running into you the other day.

I told you I would call.

- Didn't I say I'd call?
- Yeah.

So what have you been up to?
Tell me everything.

Oh. Well...

You know, I, um...

I started

various things.

Um, I'm sculpting and... playing bass.

[Janette gasps] That's amazing, Carol.

Yeah, it's what I've always wanted to do.

That's wonderful!
Lisa and I just got back from Tibet.

- Yeah, you...
- It was life-changing, Carol.

We went to Lhasa.
You know, we did a lot of the boring...

[tense music swelling]

[Janette] Anyway, you really need
to come over soon. [gasps]

Lisa and I are having a Keun Baan Mai,
a Buddhist housewarming,

and we would love for you
to celebrate with us.

Please say you'll come!
Promise you'll come!

- Okay.
- Oh, great!

Okay, I'll send you the invite.
I can't wait.

Okay.

- And Carol?
- Yes?

I wish you a thousand lifetimes
and a thousand deaths.

Oh.

Okay.

[phone beeps]

[engine starts, sputters]

[gentle instrumental music playing]

[barking]

[dog panting excitedly]

[dog whining]

[clunking]

[VHS player whirring]

Mom, Dad! These are my new friends!

I'm in Germany!

[all] Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke!
Hoi, hoi, hoi!

Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke! Hoi, hoi, hoi!

Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke! Hoi, hoi, hoi!

[German beer hall music playing]

[German vocals playing]

[German band crescendoes]

[German vocals continue]

[heartbeat thumping]

- [thumping becomes erratic]
- [music fades out]

[booming]

[faint birdsong]

[gasps]

- [elevator bell chimes]
- [phones ringing]

Oh, my God.

[phone ringing]

- Hello?
-

---

Hello.

- This message is for Carol Kohl.
- Um...

- Your probationary period is almost up.
- Yes.

I'm calling to schedule
a performance evaluation...

- Hello?
- ...with management for next week.

- Give me a call back.
- [eerie music plays]

- My extension is 2152.
- This is her.

- Also, before I go...
- Speaking.

...if you could make two copies of that
contact information, that would be great.

- I need one for my records.
- Um...

And another for Recruiting. Thanks.

- Hello?
- Okay, I look forward to hearing from you.

[phone line clicks]

[receiver clicks]

[printers whirring]

Uh... thanks.

[eerie music playing]

[man] "Additional assistance
has been provided inside your top drawer."

"Please use at your discretion."

[dramatic low piano note plays]

[melancholy ambient music playing]

[suspenseful music playing]

[banging]

[Carol grunts]

- [Carol] Oh...
- Yo, whose mom is this?

[Carol] I, uh...

- [young couple] Turn off the lights!
- Sorry!

[Carol straining]

[muttering]

[music fades]

[sighs deeply]

[engine turns over]

[engine revving]

[motorcycle drives off]

[wind whistling softly]

[distant crows squawking]

[snoring]

[Carol] Mm!

[phone ringing]

- Hello?
-

---

Hello.

- This message is for Carol Kohl.
- I'm here.

I'm calling to inform you

that your evaluation has been
moved up to tomorrow morning.

- Yikes!
- Can you hear me?

If you could please get me those copies
as soon as possible,

that would be great.

Okay, have a good day. Bye.

[eerie music playing]

[computer chimes]

[mouse clicks]

We are writing to confirm
your evaluation tomorrow morning.

Also, copy machine 1B
is still out of toner.

Please see to that immediately.

[both] We look forward to meeting you.
Management.

[keyboards clacking]

Um, I'm stepping out again
to get toner and I, uh...

I don't know.

Anyway, while I'm out,
if anyone needs anything...

Anything?

Anything at all?

Please!

Anyone?

Yogurt?

[soft electronic music playing]

[music fades]

[somber string music playing]

Stupid toner!

[metal creaking]

[engine sputters, stops]

[heartbeat thumping]

[thumping continues]

[thumping intensifies]

[thumping stops]

[doorbell chimes]

[gasps]

Oh, my God! Carol! Welcome!

Hi, Janette.

[in Tibetan]
Please put that down.

That's not for sale.

[in English] Thanks.

[stringed instrument playing]

[drums playing softly]

[guests chattering]

[woman] It's about being
in a relationship with your...

Carol! Ah! I am so glad you came.

Mwah!

Oh. Okay.

Are you enjoying the yak milk?
Isn't it refreshing?

Janette got it shipped
straight from the Damxung Province.

Yeah, it's good.

It has a strong fragrance,
but it's not too...

I'm vegan, so I don't know.

And Janette's lactose intolerant,
so we haven't tried it yet,

but just knowing it's in the house
makes us feel so at home.

Oh. Hm. Hold on. Genevieve!

Oh! Mwah!

I am so glad you came.

[woman]...zodiac was the best one.
I knew it wasn't gonna happen.

We need to go chanting sometime.
Where do you chant?

- Do you like it? Are you into it?
- [man] Yeah.

[indistinct chatter]

Um, so, how do you know Janette?

Through Lisa?

Isn't Dennis amazing? A vow of silence.

He won't even blink. It's so inspiring.

- He just absorbs.
- Yeah.

So what about you?
How have you been living?

Oh, you know. Keeping busy.

She's going to Tibet, right?

Carol, tell 'em you're going to Tibet.

- Tell 'em!
- Oh. Well, I, uh...

She is!
She promised me she'd go. Tell 'em!

I knew it. I could just tell.

I saw this white light around you,
and I just knew.

I can see it too!

I remember, after my first trip,
I lacked any vision in my life,

but, like, Tibet jolted me awake.

It's so sad. You have all these people
sleepwalking through life unconscious.

I know. I just want to grab them
and, like, shake them out of their bodies!

It's so great you're going.
You'll finally know who you are.

I'm so excited for you!
Aren't you excited?

You're never gonna wanna leave, Carol.
Tibet is amazing.

- [man 1] Tell her, Dennis!
- [bell chimes]

[woman] Tibet's gonna be great.
It's so amazing.

- [man 1] You gotta go to Tibet!
- [man 2] It's gonna change you!

- [woman] Ancient wisdom is everywhere.
- [man 1] You'll see who you really...

- [chair scraping]
- Um...

Sorry. Would you excuse me?

- [gasps] Is everything all right, Carol?
- It's fine.

- I'm sorry.
- Was it the yak milk?

No, it's fine. Thank you. Sorry.

[ominous music playing]

[guests chattering faintly]

[somber ambient music playing]

[music swells]

[beeping]

- [music halts]
- Oh, there you are!

We're just about to serve tea and Sikarni.

You're gonna love it!

It's yogurt, cardamon,
and crushed cashews.

- You're not allergic to nuts, are you?
- No.

I can eat nuts.

Is everything all right?

I'm sorry, Lisa, but I need this.

You need what?

[panel clicks]

Wait. [scoffs] Are you taking our toner?

You don't understand.

I need this.

[chuckles] You can't just take our toner.

Lisa, please.

What has gotten into you, Carol?
Put it back! This is ridiculous!

- Please!
- No!

[dramatic stinger plays]

Carol?

I'm really sorry.

No, please. Please, don't. No. [crying]

I'm not...

I... I...

I can't really explain it right now.

I'm sorry.

And I appreciate
you inviting me to your house.

That was really nice.

Carol, this isn't you.

I just need this.

- I'm sorry.
- [g*n cocks]

Jesus, Carol!

Okay, I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Sorry.

I know! Isn't it gorgeous?

Lisa and I got so lucky.

I mean, it was just sitting there.
Can you believe it?

Oh, sh*t.

- [guests screaming]
- Oh!

- [man] She's got a g*n!
- I'm sorry.

I'm very sorry! I...

It was a really nice party.

I liked the dancing a bunch.

- Carol?
- Step back, Janette.

Sorry, I just need to take this.

I'm sorry.

Was that toner?

[thunder rumbling]

Steven?

Carol, it's my dad. He needs you.
Please, you have to come.

- Whoa!
- Get back. Just get back.

Carol, please. He's a mess.

Steven, your dad is smart.

He'll figure it out.

We all need to figure it out.

I wish your dad well,

and maybe we can both learn from this.

I don't know.

I'm a bit out of control right now.

Now, please get back in the car.

Go on.

Just like that.

Good boy.

[motorcycle engine turns over]

[gentle electronic music playing]

[elevator bell chimes]

[whirring]

[pages fluttering]

[whirring continues]

[beeping]

[elevator bell chimes]

[drawer slides shut]

[vacuum whirring]

Thanks.

[elevator humming]

The toner. Was it...?

There's a closet full on the 43rd floor.

Oh.

Just so you know.

For next time.

[elevator bell chimes]

I'm Donna, by the way.
Welcome to The Distraction.

[heavenly choir swells]

- I'm Carol.
- [music halts]

[gentle electric piano music playing]