06x21 - The Gospel Truth

[bunniefuu]

♪ Set in my ways, losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Had no need to give more ♪

♪ Than I wanted to ♪

♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

♪ Ooh, it was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪

♪ Ooh, it was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in, line, sinker, and hook ♪

♪ I never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ It was you and me and then came you ♪

[upbeat music]

- I was cleaning up the car,

and I'm sure some of this stuff is yours.

How about this? Does this look familiar?

- Oh, the book report I lost.

What a waste.

I really read that one.

- This was stuck on the dashboard.

- Oh, that was the tape my drum teacher, Lorenzo, gave me.

I was supposed to listen to it.

- It might be a real challenge now.

- Yeah, well, maybe he'll forget about it.

Oh, that reminds me, George, I've got some good news.

- Good news? Forget it.

Forget it, champ.

I don't care how good a deal it is,

you're not gonna get a drum set.

- It isn't that.

Remember that candy drive we had at school?

- The candy drive, the candy drive.

Is this it? Huh?

- Oh yeah.

Well, we were gonna give our janitor

a golf cart for his retirement.

- Oh, that's, that's nice.

- Well, it turns out

that he was stealing mops from the school,

and selling them out of his garage.

- Was he cleaning up? [laughs]

You get it? [laughs]

- Yeah.

So anyway, we're using the money for a party.

I've got $ to book some entertainment.

- clams?

Well, for that kind of money,

I, I might do my Elvis Presley impersonation.

- Thanks, George, but I was thinking

about a rock band.

- Come on, you could do worse.

- No offense, but first I'm gonna ask Lorenzo.

He knows musicians, good ones too.

Guys who never had a real job.

- Well, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Before you go, I,

I wanna ask your opinion on something.

What is this?

- Oh, easy.

That's one of Ma'am's macaroons.

- Oh, how sad.

She just made these little rascals yesterday.

[both laughing] [light music]

[drums banging]

- So what do you think? [laughs]

[drums banging]

My man.

Oh.

What do you think?

- It's only,

it's only your third lesson,

but already you have the mark of a great stick man.

- Really? Well, all right.

- You're not afraid to make noise.

- Oh, well, I've been told I'm pretty strong in that area.

- Here you go, bud.

Give me a hand.

Let's put this stuff to sleep.

- And listen,

I gotta find a super outstanding group

for my school party.

Do you know anybody?

- Are you kidding?

I know a group that is awesome,

on the verge of being unbelievably big.

- Really?

- We are talking megastars here.

Meteors. Supernovas.

- Wait, I've only got $.

- They'll do it for $.

Like I said, they're still on the verge.

- Oh, this is too good.

What's the group?

- Holy Smoke.

- Holy Smoke?

- Yeah, Holy Smoke. My group.

You listened to that tape I gave you, didn't you?

- Oh, that Holy Smoke! - [Lorenzo] Mm-hm.

- Yeah, right.

- What'd you think?

- Oh, well, I can honestly say you were hot. Very hot.

- You didn't think it was a little over-mixed, did you?

- No, no, no, it was mixed just the way I like it.

- See, we've been pooling all our scratch

to cut a demo and we're only $ short.

- A demo?

- Mm-hm.

- Oh, so what song do you plan to do?

- The one on the tape.

- Oh, that song.

Oh, excellent choice, very hot.

- So is it a deal?

- Ah, well, if you can work around once small problem.

- Which is?

- I think the school cafeteria

only has one electrical outlet.

- Hey, we make so much juice,

we don't need no electrical outlets, home boy.

- Really, home skeep? Yeah, boy.

- Yeah, boy.

[light music]

[upbeat music]

- Then it's agreed.

There will be no mandatory boy girl dances.

- All right. [children clapping]

- Next item, decorations.

Tommy, your report.

- Okay, y'all remember that big fire

at my uncle's party store last week?

- There's one guy who'll never smoke around sparkles again.

- Well, it turns out, we get all the decorations

that didn't get b*rned for free.

- Excellent.

Which brings us to entertainment.

- Webster? - Hey.

- Before we settle on something,

I'd like to point out that I've added

another coin trick to my magic act.

- Danny, sit.

- Take your time. Think about it.

- Now, I want you all to picture this.

Right here, on this very stage,

right next to the tray return,

there will be a live duh-duh-duh-duh-duh

professional duh-duh-duh-duh-duh

rock and roll band.

- All right.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- All right, Web.

So what's the group?

- Holy Smoke.

- Never heard of them.

I say we go with something proven, like magic.

[gavel banging]

- You're proven, all right.

Proven boring.

So is this band any good?

- Are you kidding?

This week, they're cutting a demo

and the lead guy wears an earring.

- All right. - All right. Cool.

[light music]

[drums banging]

- You've been practicing.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- See, I set up a bunch of paint cans in the garage.

Well, one of the lids was loose.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I have your money for the party.

- Hey, thanks, man.

Sorry to ask you for it up front,

but we have to pay our studio rental in advance.

- Okay, no problem.

Oh, George told me to be careful.

- You're gold, baby.

Unless you run into a mugger with a eating disorder.

[knocking]

It's open.

That's probably the g*ng.

Hey, you wanna stick around?

Holy Smoke's gonna have a little rehearsal.

- Can I? - [Lorenzo] Yay.

- All right.

- Hey, everybody, this is my buddy, Webster.

- [Woman] Hey. - The guy who's responsible

for booking us into the hottest cafeteria in town.

- All right, all right. - Thanks, man.

- Man, this is a huge group. A lot of backup singers.

- Oh yeah, when we let loose, everybody backs up.

Let's give him a free sample, huh?

Hey, all right.

[piano music] [group humming]

♪ Rock of Ages ♪

♪ Cleft for me ♪

♪ Let me hide myself in Thee ♪

♪ Let the water and the blood ♪

♪ From Thy wounded side which flowed ♪

♪ Be of sin the double cure ♪

- For $,

you've got yourself the best gospel choir in Chicago.

[light music]

[upbeat music]

[light music]

- Real nice.

Brandon, what are you doing?

Would you please put the poster

on the easel where it's supposed to go?

I shouldn't have to tell you that.

Oh, Webster,

did you find out if your band does any slow songs?

- Oh yeah. No problem there.

- Good, because I believe we all need balance in our lives.

- So, looks like everything's coming together here.

Do I smell smoke?

- Oh, yes, just a little surprise

that came with our decorations from the fire sale.

- At least it covers up the fish stick smell

from lunch yesterday.

- Pick up Air Wicks.

Now then, tell the band to be here by :.

The AV Club will help them with their sound check.

- Okay, but I think I have a little problem.

- Feldman, what are you doing?

- Just let me show you. - You were supposed

to get the sodas.

- Just let me show you this one trick

I'm gonna do at the party.

You'll love it. - Yeah, I'd like to see it.

I'd love to see it.

- Observe. Nothing up my sleeves.

- Nothing in his head either.

[hat pops]

- I take a perfectly ordinary bag of potato chips.

Would you care to inspect it, ma'am?

I put them into the magic hat.

I pulverize them. - Feldman.

- And voila,

not one chip is broken.

- Pick up spoons for potato chips.

- Maybe I should check my magician's manual.

- You know, this is a perfect example

of the deficiency of the committee system.

I should've done everything myself.

- You're right. I see major disaster here.

Dud City. I say we cancel.

- What?

Cancel the school's first rock and roll blowout?

I'm not gonna live with that legacy.

All I know is the next knuckle brain

who screws up around here

is gonna be spitting Chiclets.

What were you saying about the band?

- Band?

Band, band's fine.

- You're the only one I can count on, Web.

[light music]

[upbeat music]

[Webster knocking] - Lorenzo, it's me.

Anyone home? Yoo hoo!

- Hey, Webby, what's shaking?

Did I forget we had a lesson?

- No, I just came here to say hi.

Well, actually to make a confession.

- Say, you're not the one who let the air

out of my tires are you?

- No way, man. - I didn't think so.

I figure it's Lynette.

Take my advice, never give your girlfriend

an honest opinion of her singing voice.

- I know. I learned that from Ma'am.

- So what's the big confession?

You can tell Father Lorenzo.

- The truth is, I never listened to that tape you gave me.

- You didn't?

- No. See, I left it in the car

and the sun melted the little wheels

along with everything else.

- Hey.

Well,

I think I can forgive you for that.

Say three Bon Jovis and you're outta here.

- Wait, there's more.

See, I didn't know that you were a gospel group.

- You didn't?

What'd you think we were [laughs]

a, a rock band? [laughs]

- Kind of. [laughs]

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait a minute.

Are the kids expecting a rock band tonight?

[Webster laughing]

- Kinda.

For sure.

Actually, they're expecting major amps.

Frieda even bought extra fuses.

- Whoa, bad advance press.

- So I was kinda hoping that you knew a rock band

to do it for the same money.

- Hmm.

- At this point, they don't even have to be very good.

- I know a group called Fester's Feet who will do anything.

- Really? - [Lorenzo] Mm-hm.

- Thanks a lot. You've saved my life.

- Too bad we don't have any money.

- Say what?

- What we have is copies of a demo tape.

The studio had a cancellation and worked us in this morning.

- I'm spitting Chiclets.

- I'm sorry, Web.

I'll pay you back when I can.

But for right now,

[mouth pops] we're busted.

[light music]

[upbeat music]

- Man, this is hot.

And here's for the big finish.

Yes. [claps]

- Well, you better clean up your big finish

before your mom gets home.

- Forget about that.

What did you think?

- Well, as much as I like a good color wheel,

overall, I'd say it's a little busy.

- Well, we could lose the confetti.

- What's wrong with just having a band?

- I don't have a band.

- Well, what happened to Holy Smoke?

- They turned out to be a church choir.

- Holy smoke.

Even I know that's totally wrong for a party.

- I know. That's why I canceled them and did all of this.

You know, it took me two hours

just to untangle the Christmas lights.

- Well, there's one good thing.

When Frieda hears about this,

she'll forget all about my smokey decorations.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

Now I know why no one asked for your opinion.

- [Tommy] Sorry, Web. - It's okay.

I guess I'll just pick out some tapes

and a mouth guard and hope for the best.

- Well, you know, just in case, I could bring my fiddle.

I just learned "Ragtime Annie".

- Sure, why not?

What have I got to lose?

- Goodbye, Web.

- Bye.

[muffled music]

Unbelievable.

[light music]

[fiddle music]

[fiddle music continues]

- Webster, would you mind telling me where our band is?

This party's dying.

- Well, but you know what they say,

the better the group, the longer they make you wait.

- They'd better hurry.

Six kids just started doing their English homework.

- I might have a couple magic tricks

that could pick things up.

You think I can make this disappear?

- I know I can.

- That's a special order item.

What's with her?

- I think she lost one on her new contacts in the punch.

[boy choking]

- Hey, Web, we're all here. Sorry we're late.

It took me a while to round up everybody again.

- Oh, it's okay.

I'll give you an intro.

[fiddle music]

[children clapping]

- Thank you.

Now I'd like to do a salute to America's fighting men,

beginning with "The Marine Hymn"

[fiddle screeching]

- It's okay, Tommy.

I think you deserve a break.

Don't you all think he deserves a break?

[children clapping] - Yes.

- Now the group that we've all been waiting for

has just arrived.

So let's give a big hand

for the best group of its kind,

Holy Smoke.

[children clapping]

- He hired a Sunday School choir?

How dorky. - Webster.

What's happened to you?

I mean, you were the first kid in school to moonwalk.

- Come on, everybody. My house.

We can watch "Facts of Life" on my dad's big screen.

- Wait, wait, wait just a minute now.

I know exactly what you're thinking.

- I'm thinking about all the candy bars

I sold in neighborhoods with pit bulls.

Does Chiclets ring a bell?

- Trust me, g*ng, okay?

L, hit it.

[upbeat gospel music]

♪ Right now, God is moving by the spirit ♪

♪ Right now, if you listen to the wind, you'll hear it ♪

♪ Right now, if we ever needed Him before ♪

♪ We do, now, now, yes, we do ♪

♪ Right now, now's the time for our salvation ♪

♪ Right now, God is speaking to every nation ♪

♪ Right now, if we ever needed Him before ♪

♪ We do, now, now, hey ♪

♪ It makes no difference what you're going through ♪

♪ God knows exactly what to do for you ♪

♪ Why don't you call Him ♪

♪ You'll see a change ♪

♪ A sudden change ♪

♪ He knows exactly what you need ♪

♪ If you believe, you shall receive ♪

♪ Right now, we want You to send us bread from Heaven ♪

♪ Right now, we need our sins to be forgiven ♪

♪ Right now, if we ever needed Him before ♪

♪ We do, now, now, now, right now ♪

♪ Right now ♪

♪ Right now ♪

[everyone clapping]

- I'd say you're off the hook.

- Yeah, well, I brought this just in case.

[Lorenzo laughing] [upbeat music]

[upbeat music]