06x08 - The Hawaiian Headache

[bunniefuu]

Aloha! SMITH: This isn't some sleazy divorce case in L.

A.

This is top flight international spy work.

Be tricky, be tough and be a tiger.

ROCKFORD: Guess where I am now? At the bar? Close.

The jail.

Now, when I say move, I want you to come in, and when you come, I want to see lead in the air.

(g*n f*ring) Move, move, move, move! Terrific.

Book him.

m*rder one.

I'm not with him.

(PHONE RINGING) ROCKFORD ON ANSWERING MACHINE: This is Jim Rockford.

At the tone, leave your name and message.

I'll get back to you.

(BEEPS) Billings, LAPD.

You know, Thursday is Chapman's 20th year and we're giving a little surprise party at the captain's.

I think you should come.

By the way, we need five bucks for the present.

ROCKFORD: Dad, you can let go of my hand now.

We're here.

ROCKY: Oh, sonny, we're here.

Look, they have palm trees out there.

See? Over on the right.

Palm trees.

Yeah, well, Dad we have those in L.

A.

You know our palm trees is choking to death in the bad air.

Look at these here.

Look at them.

(LAUGHING) I just don't believe we're here, sonny.

And we wouldn't be either if I hadn't gone through that there trash and pulled out that letter you threw away and ROCKFORD: Please don't go through that again, okay? Yeah, of course, you don't want to hear about it.

All these years I been telling you, "Sonny, don't throw away your mail unopened.

" And you say to me, "Dad, I don't have to open my mail "to tell whether it's real or junk mail.

" Well, what are you doing? I'm giving you my full attention.

Three times in the last hour, you brought this up, Dad.

I made the mistake of not looking at you, so obviously you don't think I was paying attention, huh? Look, you just go ahead, huh? Once and for all, put it to bed.

Well, I was just telling you, here we won this wonderful free vacation and you threw away the letter unopened.

(LAUGHS) I'm sorry.

It's just that I'm excited.

In all my whole life, I ain't never been to Hawaii before.

Now I'm here and to think that we got here just because we were shopping at Mason's Department Store.

Oh, boy! I can't help it.

I gotta keep telling myself that we're really here.

All right.

You got it off your chest? (LAUGHS) Well Thank you, ladies, thank you.

Well, I'm still excited, of course.

Yeah, well, so am I, Dad, so am I.

Come on, let's go.

You might as well face it though, sonny, you did throw away that letter unopened.

Excuse me.

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

(CHUCKLES) No, I'm only kidding you.

We're going to the Royal Surf? Yeah, the Royal Surf Hotel.

Can you imagine? All my life, I've never been in a hotel yet with the name "royal" in the name.

Don't you forget the Royal Coach Inn.

Best pancakes in Fresno.

(CHUCKLES) And when I think you almost gave your ticket away to Becker Yeah, well, I do owe him a lot of favors, you know.

And it's his vacation and I figured with all the favors he's done for me, I owe it to him.

Well, that is all true, but when you got good fortune you want to keep it.

You don't want to pass it on.

Keep it.

Well, he and Peg, they wanted to go to Canada, so it worked out for the best anyway.

Next car, please.

This one's reserved.

Thank you.

Oh, next car, huh? Yeah.

Hey.

LYLE: Relax, Mr.

Rockford, okay? Take it easy.

ROCKFORD: What DRIVER: Please watch your fingers as the doors close.

And grab the hand holds while the tram is in motion.

Jimmy? Jim? Rockford? Colonel Smith? Is that you? You got it, soldier.

You got it.

All right, Colonel.

What is this? Hey, no, "How you doing, Smitty?" No infantry backslapping? Hey, it's me, kid.

Howling Mad.

I saved your bacon.

All right, all right.

How you doing, Smitty? Let's hear it for the Fifth Regimental Combat Team.

Now, what the hell is this? This is P six.

Whipple, get up front with the others.

Come on, get moving.

I got to catch a plane to Hong Kong in an hour.

Come on, Jimmy.

Okay, Jimmy, here's the scoop.

I'm out of m*llitary intelligence and working for national intelligence.

Now, I need a guy for a piece-of-cake job.

Somebody who's not in the agency.

Some new face that I can S.

C.

In 10 seconds on my signature.

S.

C.

Security Clearance.

The old meet market stamp, government approved.

Yeah, well, I want you to get something straight, Colonel.

I don't know what you're figuring on.

Why don't you just figure I'm not any way a part of it? Well, let's just figure that you are part of it.

I'm telling you, it's my vacation.

Hey, baby, who do you think sent that envelope with those tickets to Hawaii? You think that three-for-a-dollar department store is giving away free trips out here? Now, I'm in kind of a hole.

And I'm thinking back over old intelligence operations and I remember Sergeant "Hound Dog" Rockford.

I remember Operation Kettle Drum.

A duffle bag with a half a million dollars and you ran the course, baby.

And I remember lugging your bleeding carcass over 15 miles of frozen Korean real estate.

Well, I'm not the same guy.

I'm not calling in old markers.

I'm just betting that you're the kind of guy who pays his debts.

And that you're the kind of guy that Okay, doggone it, I'll say it.

The kind of guy who still loves his country.

Come Oh, Colonel.

Let's hear it.

That's my Hound Dog.

Okay, it's a covert operation.

Now, it's top security, but it's not judged dangerous.

It's in the political section, and we're calling it Operation Net Serve.

Now the government may, and I repeat, may want to send the U.

S.

Ping-pong team to Vietnam.

Now we sent those guys to China two years ago and it opened up the whole country, okay? Same deal in 'Nam.

Now Operation Net Serve is just you taking a suitcase with 100 grand American to swap with the middleman in a public place for 100 grand worth of slope money.

Now, that's the caper.

You're on the f*ring line, five minutes max.

Why me, Colonel? Why not one of these guys? We don't want to use any agent with current field experience.

If the word gets out that, say, Whipple there is making the switch all these foreign bureaus will realize that we're trying to establish relations with the 'Nam government.

Now, we don't want them to know about it till it's over.

So, we use a stowaway.

Some guy that doesn't belong.

You.

And if anybody finds out, it's just a head scratch and nobody connects it with Uncle Sammy.

I really don't wanna do this, Colonel.

Well, you're handing me a big problem.

But, like I said, I'm not the kind of guy to try to rope in an old debt.

I'm just a guy trying to do a job.

Okay, fellas.

Meeting's over.

We got a wet one.

Let's go.

Colonel In? In.

Okay.

Now, Whipple, there, goes with you.

He handles the payload until you make the switch.

You're only gonna be carrying the ball for five minutes.

Whipple, let's sign it over.

Pull it over.

Okay, everybody off.

Smoke them if you got them and give them hell, baby.

Give them hell.

Hound Dog, huh? That's your handle? That's Boy, I'll tell you, Mr.

Rockford, this is all really exciting to me.

See, I've only been in the field two weeks.

I was in the research division in Washington and then I kept applying for field duty, but all I've done so far is drive an embassy car for two weeks.

I don't know, it's just All you've done is what? Well, that's why I'm the control on this one.

See, I'm an agent but not that well-known.

So there's a good chance, even if they spot me, they won't be able to make me.

And from everything Howling Mad told us about you, well, you can sort of help me through this one.

I'm supposed to help you? I love it.

That's terrific.

I'm supposed to help you.

That's the arrangement? Well, like they said, this is a low risk venture.

That's another reason I was picked.

Hey, don't worry.

Don't worry? Hey, what have I got to worry about? Why should I worry, huh? I mean, all this is just a little advance work for a ping-pong tournament, right? Right, sir.

That's all it is.

Oh, wow, postcards.

Wait a minute.

I wanna send one to my wife.

She's back in D.

C.

I promised I'd write her every day.

We're four months pregnant with our first.

You don't even show yet.

I'll be right back, Hound Dog.

Hold on.

ROCKY: There you are.

Say, what is this? First I was with you, then I'm without you, and then I see you on another tram and I miss the tram.

Where you been? Yeah, I went to pick you up a cigar, Dad.

I don't smoke.

WHIPPLE: Okay, I got them.

This must be your father you were telling me about.

I was? Hi.

I'm Dwight Whipple.

I met your son, Jim, on the tram.

I suggested we share my car on the way to the hotel.

It's parked right below here.

It turns out we're all staying at the Royal Surf.

Well, now, that's a real coincidence, huh? Not really.

Well, let's go get your bags and head to the hotel, okay? He's headed toward baggage.

Yeah, we got them, brah.

First time in Hawaii, Mr.

Rockford? First time.

How about you, Mr.

Whipple? Oh, please.

Dwight.

All my friends call me Dwight.

What do your enemies call you? Well, I suppose if I had any, they'd call me Dwight, too.

All my friends call me Rocky.

You see, Jim here and me, we got the same name, Rockford, so my friends call me Rocky.

You know, I was trying to get my real close friends to call me Whip.

But, I don't know, it doesn't seem to stick.

I guess I'm not the sort of guy who gets a nickname.

Oh, nonsense.

Whip is a Well, it's a perfect name for you.

Just perfect.

You really think so? Dwight Whipple is such a straight name.

I like Whip better.

Well, of course anybody can have a nickname, you know.

I wanted to ask you something.

Is this your first visit to Hawaii, Whip? Yes, sir, first time.

How about you, Rocky? First time for me, too.

Another thing I wanted to ask you Dwight was I called you Dwight.

He's got a new name, Whip, and I called him Dwight.

Well, it's just because I'm so excited still from winning this You know, we won this trip in the mail.

I'll bet you won't believe that.

Oh, sure he will, Dad.

I think old Whip'll understand that just fine.

Aloha.

Aloha.

I'm Dwight Whipple.

These are the Rockfords.

We're checking in.

Mr.

Whipple, you have a message here, sir.

Oh, thank you.

I have to use a phone.

Is there a pay phone I can use? Sure, right around the corner, by the parking lot.

All the pay phones are out there.

All the house phones are here.

Thank you.

ROCKY: This is my first trip to Hawaii I gotta make a phone call.

You lock this in the trunk till I get back.

Oh, no, no, nothing doing.

I'm not supposed to have anything to do with that until the switch is made.

Look, it's just a precaution.

I don't want to walk through the parking lot with it.

Just lock it in the trunk and wait.

What's the problem? All right, but hurry it up, Dwight.

See? See? It never sticks.

People always end up calling me Dwight.

All right, move it, will you, huh? (ROCKFORD WHISTLING) It's been 10 minutes.

You gotta move the car, sir.

Oh, all right.

Look Where'd you say those phones were? Right around the corner, sir.

Okay, I'll be right back, okay? Just a minute.

Hey, sonny, you sure have taken to disappearing a lot lately.

Where you been? Did you find one of them little wahines or Leilanis? Whatever they call them.

That's Dwight's suitcase.

You mean old Whip, don't you? You know, he's right about that, old Whip.

It just don't fit him.

He's no Whip.

He's more of a More of a Dwight? Yeah, well, isn't he liable to be needing his luggage? Oh, no, Dad.

I got a feeling he's not gonna be needing much of anything anymore.

You're just sore because you throwed away that invite and I found it.

And now you're trying to wreck our trip.

Dad, why don't you go downstairs and get one of those nice rum drinks? You know, they put flowers on the top.

They float them on there.

The whole thing.

You'll love it.

What are you gonna be doing? I'll just stay here in the room and kick the walls, okay? Now, look, I got something I gotta work out.

Would you just give me a minute, please? You know, I just don't understand you no more.

That's cause I'm deeply complicated and moody.

Bullheaded.

In trouble.

(SIGHS) This is Mr.

Rockford in Room 613.

Could you tell me what room Mr.

Whipple is in? OPERATOR: Room 612.

But he hasn't checked in yet, sir.

Room 612.

Thank you.

(PHONE RINGING) (DOOR OPENS) What's wrong with you? What are you doing? Look, this is a respectable hotel.

Ain't no son of mine gonna be Peeping Toming around.

Hush, Dad, hush.

Well, I ain't going downstairs and drink alone neither.

No.

Dad, will you please be quiet, just please? I want to know what in tarnation is going on here.

(SHUSHING) Dad, just shut up or get out.

(WHISPERS) Shut up? You ain't never said that to me since you was a little boy and I put you over my knee and banged some sense into you.

Dad, I'm not fooling, now.

Either shut up or get out.

Go on.

Hey, of all the Well, ladies, go ahead.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Back to work, girls.

Excuse me, my name is Jim Rockford.

I placed a call to the federal building a few minutes ago.

I'm expecting a return call from a Mr.

Gordon Lyle.

It's extremely important that I be paged when the call comes in.

It's official government business.

Yes, sir.

I'll have you paged.

Where will you be? In the lanai area.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING) Well, they call us the Rockfords, Rocky and Jim.

Everybody calls you Rocky 'cause they like you.

Especially me.

How long you been growing this, huh? You been screaming at me like I was some old duffer that don't have no rights at all.

And then you told me to shut up.

Your own Pa.

"Shut up," you said.

You ain't never told me to shut up in all your life.

Dad, I know, I know.

Hey, you're right.

But, Dad, there is something going on and believe me when I tell you I can't tell you what it is.

I wish I could, but I can't.

Well now, that's just dandy.

That is just hunky-dory.

Dad All right, all right.

I'll tell you this much.

I'm working for the government.

I've been asked to do something for the government.

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

I ain't falling for that one.

I'm telling you something, sonny, you better straighten out and start acting right.

Yeah.

Okay, Dad, all right.

Hey, I will.

I promise, okay? Tell me you're sorry you told me to shut my mouth.

Come on, you know I'm sorry.

Hey, it was a terrible thing to say.

I know that, Dad.

Okay.

Why don't we go down to the beach? There's lots going on.

We could rent us one of those little fishing boats.

Oh, well, Dad, I want to hang around the lanai area.

I'm expecting a call.

But what the hey.

Come on, let's go on down to the beach, huh? You gonna lug that thing? Yeah, well, who knows? Find old Whip down there maybe.

And it's perfect height to sit on, huh? Come on, let's go.

WOMAN ON PA: Mr.

Rockford, Mr.

James Rockford.

Please pick up the house phone.

Dad, that's the call I've been waiting on.

Why don't you go on down? I'll be down there in a minute.

Okay? All right.

You ate the pill, Rockford.

Really left me hanging.

You were supposed to be at the meet 20 minutes ago.

I got a call from my people.

The Vietnamese middleman is going herky-jerky.

You wanna slow down? What happened to all the P six security, huh? You're belching this out to a half a dozen switchboard operators.

And I've got one hell of a reason why I didn't make the meet.

Hey, baby, there's a time for security and there's a time for running like hell.

As for excuses, I ain't interested.

And you tell Whipple to get his butt in gear.

He's already dropped two grades for screwing this up.

Oh, he's dropped a lot more than two grades.

Try six feet.

Give it to me fast and don't leave out anything.

He went out to answer a phone and he never came back.

So, I went looking for him.

I found some postcards he bought on the ground next to the telephone.

I went up to his room looking for him.

I found a couple of Hawaiians tossing his room around.

I ended up dodging a little lead, and here I am, in the lobby of the hotel with this suitcase in my hand.

And I don't mind telling you, Smitty baby, I'm starting to sweat.

Okay.

The play we called in the huddle is a loser.

From here on, we audiblize.

You take the suitcase.

You wait where you are for exactly five minutes, then head straight out.

Gordon Lyle will pick you up in front.

He'll have the new meet.

I'll get back to my Vietnamese middleman and we'll set up a new location.

Okay, let's line them up.

What've you got? (SIGHS) 3:15.

You're fast.

Make it 3:10.

You carrying? No.

I came here to play in the sand.

Remember? I'll have Lyle check a heater out for you.

What do you like? Just forget it, huh? Let's get on with this thing and get it over with.

Make it a.

38 with hollow points.

And, baby, be tricky, be tough and be a tiger.

Oh! Yeah, I was just trying to throw it and, see, make it stick.

It's a It's a little game.

I saw a guy do this once.

It's really a little trick, you know, it's It's harder than I thought.

I been sitting down on the sand waiting for you.

When are you coming? Yeah, well, Dad, I've got a couple of things I want to do.

It'll take me 10, 15 minutes, half hour at the most, huh? Look, Dad, it's 3:10.

Why don't you go down and rent a fishing boat for us, huh? We'II We'll go out and do a little sunset fishing.

I got money.

Besides, we can bill it to the room and let Mason's Department Store pay for it.

All expenses.

Right, right.

I'm glad you thought of that, yeah.

Okay, Dad, I'll see you in 45 minutes to an hour.

Dad, I'm sorry.

(LAUGHING) I know what you're thinking.

Yeah.

No, you see, I'm with the Royal Hawaiian Repertory Company.

Yes, we're doing a play here in the main room tonight.

It's called the Money Machine and, oh, this is just props.

Yeah.

It's a good, good, good, show.

Good show.

Enjoy.

(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) Oh, boy! Hope you'll like the show.

(HONKING) That's for you.

I don't want that.

Sign the receipt.

We're going to a place called the Banyon Garden Restaurant.

I don't want the g*n, okay? Colonel Smith said you were good people.

Don't give me problems.

Okay, Mr.

Rockford? Give you problems? Is that some kind of joke? Just take it.

Now, I don't like this Banyon Garden meet.

It's kind of a hangout for wrongos and commies.

Our middleman is spooked.

He wants to transfer on his turf.

That's why you take the heater.

That's great.

The guy you're meeting is named Lance Soo.

Lance Soo? You walk in the Banyon Garden Restaurant you ask for his table.

You sit down.

He'll be there.

You open his bag and check the goods.

You know what 'Nam money looks like? How would I know that? That's 100 dong note.

That's what you'll be looking at.

Bundled in packs of 100.

You pick one at random off the bottom and you count the notes.

He'll do the same with yours.

You close up, you get out.

You said it was gonna take five minutes.

It's gonna take longer than five minutes.

Yeah, but who's counting, right? Oh, yeah, and, Rockford, when you sit down, try and get the gunfighter's seat.

Oh, boy.

Low profile, no risk, a piece-of-cake operation.

Not the slightest hint of danger.

Now you want me to sit with my back to the wall and pack a g*n.

Well, somebody's in the game who doesn't belong.

Things change.

One little question, huh? Go.

If all we're doing is just picking up some funny money for a bunch of ping-pong players, why don't we just regroup and reorganize, huh? What's the rush? I don't know.

All I know is the secretary of state wants this dough now.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna disappoint him.

I don't want that kind of smell in my package.

Just stay frosty and don't panic.

Colonel Smith said we can count on Hound Dog.

Hound Dog.

You wanna know where I got that nickname? I was wounded in Korea.

Colonel Smith picked me up, threw me over his shoulder and carried me And every step he took, I howled like a hound dog.

That's right.

Just don't screw up, 'cause this time it's my braided hat.

Excuse me.

Could you show me to Mr.

Lance Soo's table, please? I'll talk to you later, baby.

Is he here yet? Came in about five, six minutes ago.

What you got in your suitcase? Laundry.

He came in with his laundry, too.

He's got a suitcase just like yours.

Where's the table? Right this way.

This the table? Where is he? Maybe he's out doing his laundry.

Who you work for? I never seen you around here before.

Are you with the company or what? I'm just a guy on vacation.

Just a guy on vacation.

Well, Mr.

Guy on vacation, let me get you a waitress, okay? Hi.

Hi.

Was there a man here a minute ago? Oh, yeah.

He went to the lua.

You know, the men's room.

What'll you have? I think I'll have a glass of water.

My mouth is getting dry.

Okay.

There you go.

Thank you.

Where is the lua? Straight down there.

No! No! (GRUNTS) INGRAM: Welcome to bleeding paradise, mate.

Well, you at the helm yet, spunky? Or shall we be waiting for your noggin to clear a bit more? Who are you? Me? I'm Dutch Ingram.

I'm the bloody king of this stretch of beach.

And you, you're the bloke that's gonna tell me why you got the money that was supposed to be delivered to Lance Soo.

And while you're at it, you can tell me who packed Lance in, 'cause I don't take kindly to my blokes being dirked.

Me tell you? I walked into the toilet and the man was already dead.

Few hours ago I was just a guy on an airplane, a tourist and now Oh, hey, come on.

My head is k*lling me.

Got a bit of a throbber there, have you, mate? Probably the worst headache I've ever had.

What'd you give me? Well, I didn't give you the mickey.

But I'll split your bloody melon in half if you don't tell me what I want to know.

Well, just let me get something straight here, now.

Lance Soo worked for you, you're the Vietnamese middleman, but your name is Dutch Ingram.

I love that.

Right.

And these three laughing blokes are from the Vietnamese government.

Now they were to supply the 'Nam money and you were supposed to supply the bundle of U.

S.

The Vietnamese government? I mean, they know about the money switch? I thought it was some kind of surprise.

No, this kind of deal works on lots of levels.

There's all kinds of deals going, mate.

These three gifts are probably splitting up a piece of the change.

But it don't pay to look too close to that, it don't.

Hey, look, you got what you came after.

You got the money.

I mean, why don't you let me go, huh? I don't know anything.

I see.

Well, now what was you planning to do with this bit of machinery, huh? Was you planning to sh**t up the bleeding hotel? Come on.

Would you untie me? I mean, my head is really splitting.

Untie him.

I'll tell you what we'll do, spunky.

You and me, we'll go and call your friends in the federal building and they will give us the poop or you will get the pipe.

Come on, love, come on, now.

(GROANING) (YELLS) ROCKFORD: Angel.

Aloha! Hey, Jimmy, what's happening? It's great of you to let me use your crib, man.

You wouldn't believe the problems I went through to try and bum a ride over here.

All right, Angel.

Please.

I got a terrible headache.

The old rumba del grande's got you in the pineapple, Jimmy? What are you doing here? When I heard my partner was coming over to Hawaii, all expenses paid, I said to myself, "Now what is the one thing "that they ain't got in paradise yet?" And it come to me out of the blue.

They ain't got an angel in paradise.

So, I grudge grind an airline and got myself a hot ticket and here I am.

Now I'll tell you, Jimmy, what we gotta do is we gotta go downstairs and we got to We gotta go downstairs and we gotta tell that comedian in the French general's uniform to let me sign your name.

Then we can stick those cheapos at Mason's Department Store with my tab.

Out.

Huh? Out.

Out.

Out.

Out! Well, did I hear you correct? Did you say, "Out"? (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Out! Yeah.

Are you James Rockford? ROCKFORD: Yeah, I We have a search warrant for your room and your car.

Thank you, Mr.

Rockford.

And if you decide to use our floral service for your luau, just call me at the Bouquet Boutique and we'll provide full service for you.

We'll also handle the bar and the barbeque.

I'll send you a price.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Jimmy? What's going on, Jimmy? Shut up, Angel.

The less you say, the better.

What is this? This is your rental car.

No, I didn't rent this car.

No, it was rented by a man named Dwight Whipple.

That's not what it says here.

It says this car was rented by you this afternoon at 12:45.

Well, I don't care what it says.

I didn't rent the car and that's all there is to it.

Look, I'd like to call my lawyer.

Fine.

You call him.

First, we're gonna open the trunk.

I'm not with him.

ROCKFORD: Why? Terrific.

It just keeps getting better and better.

Book him.

m*rder one.

McENROE: Look, Rockford, I can't give out that information.

How do I know you're really Rockford, not just some guy just pretending to be Rockford? Look, who's gonna be pretending to be me? Come on, Captain McEnroe, be a buddy, huh? Easy for you to say, be a buddy.

You're just a private detective.

Your pension's not on the line.

Well, could you just tell me the hotel they're staying at in Canada? If you were really who you say you are, you would know they're not in Canada.

Of course they're in Canada.

He and Peg took the 4:30 flight to Vancouver last Wednesday.

I took them to the airport.

Rockford, Becker tells me you have season tickets to the Lakers.

All right.

You can have first pick of any game you want, Captain.

Well, when I go, I like to go to more than one, sort of, like, have a basketball weekend, as it were.

Any three games you want, Captain, okay? Okay.

But if I tell you, Rockford, I want it clearly understood that this is our secret and that you and I never spoke.

Yeah, all right, all right.

Come on.

Come on.

Where are they staying? Okay, they're not in Canada.

They're at the WOMAN: Hawaiian Garden Hotel.

ROCKFORD: Dennis Becker's room, please.

(PHONE RINGING) Dennis, you know, I think we ought to go fishing to those reefs out there.

Good idea.

Yeah? ROCKFORD: Aloha, Dennis.

How's Vancouver? Jim.

Is that you? That's right.

It's your old buddy, Jim.

Same one who took you and Peg to the airport so you wouldn't have to leave your car there while you were vacationing in Canada.

Jim, this is not what you think.

It's really not.

You know, it's sort of a policeman's holiday and I'm down here with a couple of guys from the department and it just wouldn't have looked right if I had taken those tickets from you.

And so what I did is, I had to tell you a little white lie because I didn't wanna hurt Jim, how you doing? How's the Royal Surf? Well, I really wouldn't know.

I've only been there for a matter of moments.

Guess where I am now? At the bar? Close.

They got a lot of bars in here.

You wanna try again? The jail.

Yeah, that's right.

And as usual, I I'm gonna need you to run a license plate for me.

The way they're treating me in here, I don't think they plan on helping me out.

Kay and Peg aren't gonna want to go fishing.

They're gonna want to go on that catamaran cruise.

Listen, you work it out.

I got my stock broker on the line over here, okay? Oh, okay.

Jim, give me the plate and I'll call it in for you.

Thanks, Dennis.

It's an Hawaiian plate.

8EO457.

It's a black limo, four door.

Could you tell me what you're in for? m*rder one.

What else? I just love it here.

I'm having more fun than a frog in a plate of warm water.

Would you make it quick, Dennis, please? Yeah, I'll get right back to you.

Aloha.

I'm telling you, Sergeant, this man's being picked up by the federal government and that's all there is to that.

I'm afraid I don't understand what's going on here, Colonel.

That's because you're not supposed to understand.

This is a top security government mission and this man Rockford's on my team.

But we're filing homicide charges against him.

You think I care.

You wanna book this clown for m*rder one, that's fine with me.

All I'm telling you is that I'm not through with his carcass, and inside of five minutes, I want him back in my custody.

Here, here's all the numbers right here.

Pentagon, state security building.

The whole box of cookies is right there in your mitt.

Now, let's go.

Hubba, hubba.

(SIGHS) Of course, I'll have to have my captain okay this.

All right, right.

Let's go.

I gotta be on a flight to Hong Kong in an hour.

Do you think we could stop at a drugstore and get me some aspirin or something? Oh, come on, baby.

Be tough, be a tiger.

ROCKFORD: Peg told me where to find you.

It was nice of you to go all the way downtown, Dennis.

I come all the way down here and I find some m*llitary attaché bumped you loose.

Yeah, well, I got a little juice.

They got the charges dropped.

Yeah, well, don't you believe it.

The way I get it, this guy Colonel Smith just signed and took custody of you.

You're still up for k*lling this Whipple character.

Thanks for the tip, Dennis.

Listen, how about that plate? Well, the car is registered to a guy by the name of Dutch Ingram.

They got about a half a dozen addresses on him, most of them are NG.

But I did get a piece of intelligence from Okemoto here.

He tells me that Ingram is staying out on the beach.

The address is north of the city.

You got it? Yeah, I got it.

Thanks, Dennis.

I'm sorry to put you through all this.

Hey, no sweat.

That's why I came down here.

If I don't run a plate every couple of hours, my hands start shaking.

All right.

See you soon.

Here's three or four aspirin, courtesy of your federal government.

Thank you.

Say, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry that Whipple got iced.

Hey, he was a soldier doing a soldier's job and he ended up with his dog tags in his boot like half a billion other soldiers.

I only hope when I get mine it's in the line of duty.

Yeah, that's what I'm hoping for, too.

I mean, who wants to go out looking at a vase of roses when you can get your head blown off in an alley, right, Colonel? You're really funny, Rockford.

You're in my custody.

Come on.

From what I've seen so far, you need a lot of looking after.

Let's go.

SMITH: What's the address of the guy who owns the black limo? ROCKFORD: 2346 Lanai Avenue.

His name's Dutch Ingram.

Okay.

We're parked in front of this dump.

How about some backup, fellas? LYLE O VER RADIO: We're rolling on it, Colonel.

Okay.

This is a pincer action.

Rockford and I go in the front door.

You guys hold the beach and the side of the house.

Now, when I say move, I want you to come in, and when you come, I want to see lead in the air.

LYLE: Colonel, what about you and Rockford? You'll both be in the crossfire.

Hey, I can take care of my buttons.

Just do what I said, okay? Damn, I love this kind of an operation.

I haven't been in a good fire fight in two years.

You know, from what you told me, I think this guy, Dutch, is playing both ends against the middle.

He was set to rip this deal off when I contacted him.

And k*ll his own man to do it? It doesn't wash.

Hey, this isn't some sleazy divorce case in L.

A.

, pal.

This is top flight international spy work.

You take a guy like Dutch, he works for everybody.

He's a freelancer.

Why, the last two years, he's been on the Russian, English payroll and once, two months ago in Spain, he was on the Italian, Swiss and East German payrolls at the same time.

Why, he wouldn't hesitate to set up his sister and sell her for fish bait.

I still don't buy it.

Well, we'll find out.

Let's go ring that doorbell.

Now? You heard me.

Let's confront that, limey, and find out.

Now get moving.

Oh, come on.

You remember what happened in Korea when some yellow-belly didn't wanna climb the hill.

Let's go.

I can hardly wait to get in there.

Is Dutch in? And who shall I say is calling? Tell Dutch that John Smith's here to see him.

Is that a blooming joke? John Smith, he says.

Hey, honey, get your bon-bon moving.

Do it.

I don't suppose you're still planning on announcing us.

You disappoint me, mate.

You're disappointed in me? Well, that's one for the flag.

You set up this double-cross, didn't you, Dutch? Hey, mate, I set up the deal with the embassy blokes here.

I also sent Lance Soo down to the meet.

And you send in this ringer with no game experience and I lose my best man and wind up picking my nose which I do not like.

That is what happened.

Since I called you in on this, I'm for sure gonna get to the bottom of it.

Come on, we're leaving.

Where do you think you're going? We're going into an agency cold drop where we won't be disturbed until I get the right answers.

Not bloody likely.

Phil! Shawn! It doesn't change a thing.

You're still the first to go.

Oh, I see.

The old American favorite, the standoff.

All right, I'll play.

Well, I'd rather not.

Is there some place I could wait until you guys are finished? Where'd you find him? Look, there are times when everyone is right.

This seems like one of those times.

Now, if I might make a suggestion.

Why don't we all just back away from this thing and make a time for a new meet when cooler heads prevail? Just shut your hole, Rockford.

This guy's dead, either way.

Come on, Dutch.

All right, guys, take him! (g*ns f*ring) Move, move, move, move! Freeze! Drop it! Lose that w*apon.

SMITH: No causalities, huh, boys? MAN: We're okay, sir.

Come on.

Rockford.

(ROCKFORD GROANING) Rockford, you did good.

You love a good fire fight, do you? Corpsman, let's get some aid for the Hound Dog.

Don't touch me.

ROCKY: This was gonna be our vacation.

We was gonna do nothing but sit in the sun and drink rum drinks.

I don't understand what happened.

All I can say is your son saved the life of Colonel "Howling Mad" Smith.

And, sir, that's something that's never been done before.

Colonel Smith, he saves other people's lives.

And that's about it, I guess.

Now you know everything I know.

Can I go home now? Hey, baby, I arranged for a Coast Guard chopper to take you to the airport where a Coast Guard plane is gonna fly you back to the mainland and Uncle Sam is gonna pay all the bills.

Goodbye.

You might be glad to know that the HPD's dropping those m*rder charges.

They booked Dutch Ingram for k*lling Dwight.

They don't need you for the trial, so you can just haul tail for home.

Who k*lled Lance Soo? That's the one I can't fit.

Hey, it's a tough game, baby.

Lance got it from the Kimotto brothers.

Yeah, but they work for Dutch Ingram.

Well, they also work for themselves.

They're Hawaiian mafia.

Now Dutch, on the other hand, was working for us and for himself.

Now the Vietnamese guys were working for their government and for themselves.

Sounds like the only ones working for us was us.

Hey, that's the way it is sometimes, baby.

You gotta have eyes in the back of your combat helmet.

This is no place for a grunt with no guts.

But you got guts, Hound Dog.

I'm proud of you.

I recommend you.

This whole thing turned out better than a grenade in a wedding cake.

We didn't make the exchange, but we took five no-goods off the playing field.

I guess you know we're even.

Right, kid? Can I go home now? Done.

Dad, I don't really enjoy arguing with you.

Well, I'm going back with you and that's all there is to it.

Well, it's ridiculous.

There's no reason why you shouldn't stay.

No, sir, I gotta make sure that you're all right.

SMITH: Come on.

Hubba, hubba.

Let's go.

Come on, come on, hurry up.

I gotta catch a flight to Hong Kong in 10 minutes.

(ROCKFORD GROANS) Which airline? We better hurry, sir.

Hey, I'm not going anywhere.

I just wanted to hurry him on his way.

What a disappointment.

Can you believe that guy just stands there and takes a slug like a big, dumb buffalo? A real no-brainer, right, sir? Yeah, but, you know, I hate to see any of my guys get tagged.

Why don't you do the paperwork on this, Lyle? You might even want to sign it.

I hate to have that kind of mud in my folder.

After all, he was in your direct command.

Yes, sir.

BECKER: I wonder what happened to Jim.

I was expecting him to call.

Yeah, you said the HPD still wanted him for questioning on the Lance Soo m*rder? Yeah.

But they couldn't find him, either.

But if he tries to leave the state, it's really gonna be hard on him.

BILLINGS: Well, they'll just drag him back with a subpoena.

ROCKY: There she goes, sonny, Hawaii.

You think we'll ever come back? ROCKFORD: If I ever come back, they'll have to take me in irons.

You comfortable, sonny? Yeah, I guess.

And since we're off the ground, maybe you could let go of my hand, Dad.