I'm inquiring as to
the whereabouts of
a Mr. Hugh Wexler.
You see,
he stands to inherit
a great deal of money.
Was he a cop?
They b*at him to death.
I'm not going back over there
and getting my gourd stomped.
You better leave immediately.
I'm with the FBI.
Hi, how are you?
[TIRES SCREECHING]
We don't know
how much information
this Rockford has.
Something will have
to be done about him,
won't it?
k*ll him?
[PHONE RINGING]
ROCKFORD
ON ANSWERING MACHINE..
This is Jim Rockford.
At the tone, leave your name
and message.
I'll get back to you.
[BEEPS]
MAN.. This is Department
of the Army.
Our records show that
you are the Rockford, James
who failed to turn in
his service a*t*matic
in May, 1953.
Contact us at once.
[AIRPLANE ENGINE WHIRRING]
ROCKFORD:
I got to tell you, Dad,
as good as
it was to get away,
people bugging you,
getting away from the grind,
it's nice to be home.
[ROCKY CHUCKLING]
Oh, hey, I got you that nice
wicker chair that you wanted.
ROCKY: Oh.
And these? Well, now,
these are for picking me up
at the airport.
They're Cuban.
Oh, boy.
Hey, ain't they
illegal, sonny?
You gonna turn me in, what?
Well, I suppose
it won't hurt us none
to have a few good smokes.
It won't make us
into a pair of commies.
Hey, hey, hold it.
Hold it right here.
Hold it, hold it right here.
He's taping my door.
Huh?
He's taping my door.
It's a surveillance technique.
He comes back
and if the tape is broken,
he knows the pigeon's
back in the coop.
Stay here.
Probably won't stick because
the paint's peeling, pal.
Hey, Jim.
You like to
scare me to death.
Billy Merrihew.
What do you think
you're doing there?
Well, I've been trying
to catch you for weeks.
So I figured I'd better
start checking the tape
'cause I didn't
want to miss you
when you got back.
Well, why all the spy tricks?
Why didn't you do
something boring
like leave a message
on my answer phone?
This is Jim Rockford.
At the tone...
[VOICE DISTORTING]
Sounds like that
when you call in, too.
Yep. Batteries.
You really
think so, Dad?
Uh-huh.
I'm sorry, Jim.
I tried to leave
a message.
Thing is,
I need you to do
a piece of work for me.
What, overflow?
You doing that well?
No, things are rotten,
Jim.
I'm not in the biz
anymore.
I lost my investigator's
license.
Hey, Billy,
I didn't know about that.
I'm sorry. What happened?
Penal code violation.
Breaking and entering.
Oh, that's a shame.
Here, have a cigar.
They're genuine Cuban.
Oh, thank you.
I thought somebody's
life was in danger.
So I went
into this house
over in Brentwood.
It's owned by some people
by the name of Molinaro.
The Molinaros' life
in danger?
No. It was a young actress
by the name of Janey Windolf.
Here's a picture of her.
Janey was in trouble.
Sure I knew I was wrong,
but she was in trouble.
Not only that,
I think she still is.
Dad,
weren't you going
to make some coffee?
I could sure use some.
Well, there's no flame.
The stove's
on the blink.
It's what?
Wow, I'm late
for a 9:30 appointment.
Say, Jim,
you got a minute
to go for a ride?
Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah.
We'll eat out tonight.
Janey is a friend
of my client.
Her name is
Odette Sorelle.
A fashion model.
Odette told me that Janey
was in love with this guy
named Hugh Wexler.
They met at the Palace Disco.
He loved to dance.
Odette got a call
from Janey
because Wexler had her
holed up in this house
and he was b*ating up
on her bad.
Oh, at the Molinaro place
over in Brentwood?
Yeah.
He was house-sitting.
Hey, man, 9:30?
Yeah, that's right.
Oh.
Well, Odette was afraid
to call the cops
because Janey Windolf had
some minor police charges
in New York.
WOMAN ON PA.. Next.
WOMAN ON PA..
Is there another 9..00 here?
So, I staked out
the Molinaro house
for a whole day.
Nothing, in or out.
I waited until 1 1 :00,
went in, three minutes pass,
the doors flew open
and I'm looking into
a police .38.
Anyway,
there was no trace
of Wexler or Janey.
The police talked
with the Molinaros' after
they got back from Europe.
And they claimed they never
heard of the guy.
All right, well,
did Odette Sorelle
back you up?
Here's where
it gets weird.
She was gone
from her apartment.
Or maybe she was just
a frightened girl who panicked
when she didn't hear from me
and she did something dumb
like go back to
the Molinaro house by herself.
Yeah, this Odette Sorelle
seems to be more than
just a client to you,
doesn't she?
All right. All right.
Now, if I turn her up
or Janey or even Wexler,
you really think
you're going to get
your license back?
The License Bureau
said ''maybe.''
Well, Billy,
if I should decide
to take this case,
I charge $200 a day
plus expenses and you are...
On unemployment.
Don't worry.
I'll work it out.
[CLEARING THROAT] 9:30?
Oh, right on, right on.
Say, Jim, you know what?
It's like this
every Tuesday.
Billy, this is Wednesday.
Huh?
You say her name's
Janey Windolf? No.
Don't ever remember
seeing her around here.
Wish I had, though.
What about the guy
I mentioned, Hugh Wexler?
No, don't know him.
Do you think
this would cover
the cost of a phone call
just in case either
one of them show up?
We're not allowed
to make personal calls.
Oh, a business call?
Well, that's a whole
other thing.
Was he a cop?
BARTENDER.. I don't know.
But he was looking for Wexler
and he had a picture
of the girl.
I got his license number.
Oh, good, give me it.
Mmm-mmm. We had a deal.
You come down and pay for it.
That woman out there
has been waiting 10 minutes
for a 1 488 in bone.
Well, I don't think
we have a 1 488 in bone.
Look, can you take care
of her, Carl, please?
I have some very important
business to take care of.
You know, we've had
this discussion before.
And I'm up to here.
Now, brother-in-law
or no brother-in-law,
you either get her
the 1 488 in bone
and stay here
until closing time,
or you're out
in the street.
Mrs. Paul Molinaro?
Yes?
John Sikes.
Probate Office,
Santa Clara County.
I'm inquiring as to
the whereabouts of
a Mr. Hugh Wexler.
We understand
he resides here
temporarily.
You are the second person
looking for him,
but we don't know
a Hugh Wexler.
There must be a fouI-up
on some computer.
We don't use a computer.
No. Lengthy investigation
has definitely pinpointed
Mr. Wexler as residing
at 1518
West Tiger-tail Road.
You see,
he stands to inherit
a great deal of money.
See, it's been
determined that Hugh
is the last living relative
of a Mr. Bernard A. Wexler
who d*ed in Palo Alto
leaving no will.
And Hugh Wexler is entitled
to the entire estate.
Now, if we can't locate him,
all monies,
that's several hundred
thousand dollars,
will devolve to
the State of California.
I hate to see anybody miss
an opportunity like that,
but I simply
don't know the man.
I'll tell you
what I'd like to do.
I'd like to leave you
my card, Mrs. Molinaro.
And if by any chance that
you should see Mr. Wexler,
would you have him call me?
How can I see him
when I don't know him?
Problem, Gwen?
No, not really, hon.
I'll tell you about it
on the way to the club.
I'm sorry I can't help you.
We have to go now.
Yes, ma'am, thank you.
You got 30 seconds
to tell me
all about your business
with Hugh Wexler.
Okay, bub,
start yakking.
I am in no mood!
[GASPING] Hey,
take your foot off my back.
I can't breathe,
I'm an asthmatic.
And I'm a Rockette.
[GASPING] I can't breathe.
I've got to have some air!
So start talking.
I need some air...
Come on. Let's go!
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[GROANING]
[MOANING]
Vern St. Cloud.
Okay, Vern,
what's your problem?
Rabies?
Now, look, don't hit me
again, mister, will you?
[GROANING]
Look, I'm gonna
reach in my pocket.
I've got Maalox in there,
is all.
Just Maalox.
You tore up my ulcer!
[GROANING]
I've heard that name.
Vern St. Cloud.
You're a local P.I., right?
You working for Hugh Wexler?
You a friend of his or what?
Go suck an egg.
[GROANING]
Okay, let's go down
to police headquarters.
They always
like to check up
on handgun permits.
You can try
your funny lines
on their laugh-meter.
Now, look, bub,
I've been trying
to find Hugh Wexler.
You're the only lead
I've had in a month.
Come on, give me a break.
Let me go.
I'm sorry I rapped you one.
What did you do it for?
Desperation.
See, I...
I lost my
investigator's license.
After 23 years
in the crummy
P.I. business.
Breaking and entering.
Go ahead and laugh.
Now, hold on, man.
Odette Sorelle came to you
a whole month before
she came to me
and asked you to rescue
Janey Windolf, right?
Yeah.
Except she told you
that Janey was being held
at a Santa Monica duplex
and not the Molinaro house?
I never heard of
no Molinaro house.
I got busted at number 18,
Euclid Avenue, Santa Monica.
MERRIHEW:
It just doesn't make sense.
''It doesn't make sense.''
It was a setup, you gonzo.
The old frame-ola.
Maybe and maybe there's
another explanation.
I mean, how come
the Molinaros got
so uptight
when you dangled
that big carrot
over there?
Paul Molinaro has filed
for divorce three times.
Grounds, infidelity.
I mean,
with her track record,
Mrs. Molinaro's going
to have a hard road
trying to explain
why people keep
coming to her home
asking for a strange man
named Hugh Wexler.
It could be that simple,
you know.
Well, take it easy, kid.
Odette made a fool of you.
She hit your hot button
and promised you the moon.
Well, put it behind you.
Onward and upward.
You're leaving something out,
aren't you, Vern?
She stroked you, too.
What was it,
''Oh, Mr. St. Cloud,
''I'd be ever so gratefuI
if you'd help me.
''You're so
strong and reassuring.''
Something like that, huh?
Why?
Why did she set us
both up for a fall?
I don't know,
but I do know
you can forget about
Hugh Wexler calling
to claim his inheritance.
And you can forget
about Janey, too.
The thing we've got to do
is concentrate on finding
Odette.
[EXCLAIMING]
I'd like to see you try.
She was living at
the Montmartre Apartments.
She left a trail so cold
an Eskimo would wind up
in Sheboygan.
She moved to
the Winddrift Apartments
'cause that's
where she lived
when she came to me.
But she skipped again
and left
no forwarding address.
[SCOFFS]
It's a complete tapioca.
[CAR HORN HONKING]
Catch the look on his face,
kid.
He struck out
with the manager
just the way we did.
Well, I didn't talk
to the manager.
I talked
to the switchboard operator.
So did I.
Odette didn't leave
a referral number.
Yeah, but what
you didn't check on
was the outgoing calls.
If you had,
you'd have come up
with the Triple R
Pet Clinic.
She called them seven times
between the third and fifth.
See, these weekly places
don't allow pets.
So how come she has one?
And if she has one,
where is she keeping it?
At the Triple R Clinic.
And they got to have
records on the woman.
All right.
So what? How you going
to look the records up?
Odette Sorelle probably
isn't even her real name.
I mean, I checked
the phone books,
I checked
all the model agencies.
That's a waste of time.
She's not a model.
All right, she's blue eyes,
very thin.
But both of you said
that she was 5'4''.
You got to be at least 5'7''
to be a model.
Designer's clothes hang better
on taller women.
Who are you,
Yves St. Lawrence?
You know, Jim,
you are really
on the case.
If I wasn't so uptight
about my future,
I'd be clicking
like that, too.
Say, listen.
Vern and I,
we sort of decided to
buddy up on this thing.
If it's all right with you,
you'd work for both of us?
Billy, you really want to
buddy up with that jar head?
You know, I sort of
feel bad for the dude.
He's in the same boat I am.
You tell him about
the new setup, Merrihew?
Mmm-hmm.
Okay, okay, fine.
But the fee does not split.
You want me to work
for both of you,
it's $200 a day,
apiece, plus expenses.
Wait a minute,
that's not fair.
...the case for Merrihew.
The work is the same...
[BOTH CLAMORING]
It's the same case, bub.
Okay, true, true,
it was the same case.
But let's suppose
I was a doctor, huh?
And let's suppose that
you boys were in the same car
and you had an accident
and you both broke a leg.
Now, you wouldn't expect
good old Dr. Rockford
to charge for only
one bone setting
just because you were
both in the same accident,
now would you, huh?
[DOG BARKING]
Good morning, sir.
May I help you?
Well, I sure hope so.
Last month my wife
was driving by here
and she saw a young lady
walking out carrying
a Lhasa Apso.
And Carla said to her friend,
''That's Lilith.''
Our dog, Lilith, ran away.
By the time she whipped
her car around and got back,
well, the young lady was gone.
Carla said that
the girl was about 5'4'',
blond hair,
blue eyes, very thin.
There's a Miss Hanrahan that
fits that description to a T.
Not little Celeste Hanrahan,
works for Dr. Sheehan
in Holmby Hills?
No. Susan Hanrahan.
But she has a cat.
A Persian calico.
Was she in here last month?
About the third?
Yes.
She had her animal neutered.
But as I said, sir,
it's a cat.
Miss, Carla does
have her problems
but she can tell
a cat from a dog.
I mean, that's rather basic,
don't you think?
[PHONE RINGING]
Special Projects.
Hello, Wass?
Garth McCreery.
Listen, there's a guy
been eyeballing my apartment.
It's going on three hours now.
So?
Just had Records
run a check on his plates.
His name's Jim Rockford.
He's a P.I.
I think we better find out
what he wants.
But with my leg...
Yeah, yeah, we'll be over.
Look, you just tell Susan
not to come home
till we know
where this guy's at.
Hi.
Hi.
What you doing?
Oh, just putting up my guard.
Like I always do
when somebody sticks
their nose in my business.
Your business
is my business
as long as
you're loitering here
staring at
those apartments.
We're with building security.
No, you're not.
You got out of that Vette
back there just a minute ago.
Hi, how are you?
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
OFFICER: Outside, buddy.
And hands on top of the car.
Have you been drinking, paI?
Hi.
Come on, move it, friend.
Hey, Dennis, will you
do something about this?
I mean, it's ridiculous.
Hey, that's my buddy.
Just a minute.
Hey, come on, Dennis,
it's a nothing little
traffic violation.
Dennis?
Hey, Marv?
Marv Potempkin?
What are you
doing here, paI?
I'm waiting to be
processed out.
You've been arrested?
What for?
Couldn't be worse. CCW.
Carrying a concealed w*apon?
You?
Yeah, me.
They really got me, pal.
Witnesses,
the whole 15 yards.
You know what this means?
I lose my license.
Finished as a P.I.
What happened, Marv?
Woman came to me,
told me her ex
wanted to pay back
the two grand he owed her.
Wanted to meet her
at the Tao Tao Restaurant.
Well, the guy's a freak.
Usually spends his Christmases
in Camarillo.
Now she thought
it might be a ploy
to get her alone
and maybe for him to lay
some heavy numbers on her.
So you brought your g*n?
Just to scare the guy.
You know, just in case.
I mean,
you've never done it?
Anyway, I'm having
dinner with her
eating Chinese food
in this restaurant
when two cops blast in
and roust me out of the place.
I didn't even have a chance
to say goodbye to my client.
And I figured it must've
happened in the men's room.
Somebody might have seen me
with the g*n in my jacket,
called the cops.
I should have
started my dinner
with a Chinese fortune cookie.
You know,
Jessica is supposed
to go to college this fall.
What am I supposed
to do for money?
Get a Mickey Mouse job?
I don't know if you're
going to believe this,
Marv,
but you're the third P.I.
I've met in the last week
with felony counts
raining on his license.
Yeah? Who else?
Well, there was
Billy Merrihew,
Vern St. Cloud.
Vern?
I'm wondering how
my client made out.
You know, I forgot
about her completely.
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
they were both
deliberately set up.
Breaking and entering.
Yeah, I'd like to speak
to Odette Sorelle, please.
Mmm-hmm.
Well, where's the Big R?
He called this meeting.
Where the heck is he?
Okay, Marv,
here's my client list
going back two years.
And here's Vern's.
See if any of the names
ring a bell.
Oh, Merrihew,
you and me already
went through that dance.
Well, we compared
our client lists.
We got no customers in common.
It's no grudge.
So, you know, let's forget
about the whole thing.
Hi. How are you?
I checked out
the Marquise Apartments.
Odette has scrammed.
No trace at all.
What are we fooling around
with that slop for?
We know
where she really lives,
we know her real name.
You should be there
right now, Rockford.
I never had
any of these clients.
You hear me, Rockford?
Get back on your burro,
get over to
Susan Hanrahan's apartment.
You hit a nerve there.
That's why they
fell on you, bud.
I'm not going back over there
and getting my gourd stomped.
Look,
if Susan Hanrahan
is Odette Sorelle,
she's bound to rabbit
if we come at her head on.
I mean, she has got
a well-planned operation
that uses a lot
of resources, Vern.
I mean, she is systematically
destroying P.I.s.
It doesn't make any sense
and until it does,
I'm going
with a lot of caution.
I'm a P.I., too.
Remember?
''Well-planned.''
She's just some kind of sicko,
that's all.
She's got a beef
against detectives.
Or maybe her old man
was one. I don't know.
Oh, well,
what about the accomplice
who tips off the cops?
Is he a sicko, too?
Maybe little Susie Bananas
herself tips off the cops.
I don't think so.
I went back to the
Tao Tao Restaurant, Marv.
Now,
the parking lot attendant
remembers her arriving
in a cab, just like you did.
But she left with a guy.
Tall guy
in a three-piece suit.
California license plate,
Now, he thinks that
it was a silver-gray Olds.
Wait a minute.
There's a skirt,
the two that jumped
Rockford here and now
this tall drink of water.
It's a four-man operation.
You know,
that's the first
astute observation
I've heard you make.
Now maybe you understand
why I think
we ought to
go at this thing
through the back door.
[SIGHING]
Well, I don't know
what it is.
But I'm going to k*ll
whoever's responsible.
Not now, you won't.
Lunch break's over.
Now, get out here
and police up
your chair section.
You know
you left tissue paper
all over the floor.
Boy, I bust my chops
in this joint
while he collects welfare.
Typical.
I don't collect welfare.
I collect
unemployment insurance.
Welfare, unemployment,
what's the difference?
It sure enough beats
working for a living,
don't it?
Well, sir, I don't knows
about that, master, sir,
but I do knows,
is you better
eat your food
so you can have
enough strength
on the job.
[LAUGHING]
Did you see that?
Did you see that?
That's as*ault and battery.
No. I think it was
corned beef and mustard.
Wait a minute, Potempkin.
Wait a minute. Listen.
I want to talk to you.
I'll check with you later,
Billy.
I want to run a make
on these plates.
Listen, let Rockford
follow that guy in the Olds.
Why should we sit around
and let a hot lead go stale?
Now hold it, Vern.
You don't have a license,
I'm about to lose mine.
Look, where is there a law
that says a private citizen
can't be watching
an apartment building?
Listen, we can spell
each other, Potempkin.
Simple, right? Huh?
WOMAN 1 ON TV.. Well, he just
couldn't bring himself to it.
WOMAN 2.. Neither could I.
Oh, I went up to the room
but Brad was
still unconscious.
Or at least
he seemed to be.
Oh, Mother, what's this
going to do to Brad?
I mean,
finding out that Tracy...
Little tip
for future reference.
You're gonna do surveillance,
check to see
no one's posted
to prevent it.
Thanks. You better
leave immediately.
I'm with the FBI.
Oh, that's nice.
My wife's with the PTA.
MAN: Yes, sir. He asked
for you personally, sir.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Yes.
Mr. Durham?
Oh, yes, yes.
Are you Mr. Clair?
What seems to
be the problem?
Something to do with
some sunglasses
you wanted to return?
Well, yes.
My fiancée and I
were in the Tao Tao
the other night
and you were
in the next booth.
But when you left,
your lady friend
apparently walked off
with my lady's
sunglasses by mistake.
Excuse me.
Suz? Ted.
You want to come down here
for a second?
Lobby of 1 2. Mmm-hmm.
This is a beautiful building.
Just a beautiful building.
I've always wondered
what the inside
of the Waterbury
was like.
You know, you must
be the world's largest
detective agency,
except Pinkerton, maybe?
Yes, we're a complete
systems security company.
All facets.
Are you a detective?
I mean, it must be
a fascinating life.
Why don't you have a seat?
I'm sure she'll be right down.
Oh, thank you.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
Ted?
Ah, Susan.
Mr. Durham, here,
seems to feel certain
that you have
his fiancée's
sunglasses.
Yes.
Aren't these yours, Miss?
No, no, they're not.
Sorry.
Oh, boy, what now?
That whole night
at the Tao Tao Restaurant
was really something.
I mean,
a man with a g*n being
pulled out by the police.
Were you there
when that happened?
No, we weren't.
Now, if you'll excuse us.
But, Miss, surely
you remember the man.
You were sitting with him
before Mr. Clair came in.
Remember?
Oh, yes.
Ted, I forgot to tell you.
While I was waiting for you,
some crazy guy tried to
pick me up.
You see,
I told you I never
liked that restaurant.
It's really
a crummy location.
Crummy location
but hellatious wonton.
Well, I think
that covers it,
doesn't it?
Now, if you'll excuse us.
By the way,
Wendell Butterfield
was k*lled
on the Harbor Freeway
yesterday.
CLAIR: Hmm, strange
how things happen.
Well, he's one
we don't have to
concern ourselves with.
Was he a family man?
I don't remember.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
My brother-in-law left
about half an hour ago.
Now, don't ask me
where he went.
Yeah, well,
if you see him
would you tell him
to contact Jim Rockford?
I'll be in Marv Potempkin's
office.
Just tell him I've got
something important
to talk to him about.
Yeah, well, if you see him,
tell him I've got something
important to tell him.
He forgot to order
the sateen wedgies.
Senior prom week
and we've got no stock.
No stock at all.
Thank you.
ROCKFORD: Marv? Marv?
[DIAL TONE DRONING]
[DOOR OPENING]
Potempkin?
Looks like
somebody broke in.
They b*at him to death.
Looks like
they surprised him.
What's he doing here?
He was supposed
to be on a stakeout.
I went to spell him.
What stakeout?
ROCKFORD: Marv wasn't even
supposed to be here, Dennis.
He was supposed to
be on a surveillance
in the palisades.
Vern, get over here
and tell him about
Susan Hanrahan's apartment.
He already told me.
But the K*llers came
through that window.
And the secretary said that
they took some petty cash
and a typewriter
and some surveillance gizmos
and a bowling trophy.
Now,
call me a traditionalist,
but to me that adds up
to a burglary.
Just maybe it was meant
to look like a burglary.
If we had a nickel
for every maybe
we hear on the job,
we wouldn't need the job.
Right, Sarge?
It's my fault,
I guess.
I talked him into watching
the girI's apartment.
Okay, Billings, thank you.
And as for you two,
people usually don't
m*rder other people
for looking at their
apartment building.
They didn't want
Marv to link up
Susan Hanrahan
and Odette Sorelle.
She's a phantom lady
who's been running a game
on private detectives
all over town.
Do tell?
And why is she doing this?
I'm not nuts about
your tone of voice,
Becker.
It's very simple
to understand.
All you have to do
is pay attention.
Now, Rockford, he went up
to the Waterbury offices...
Vern, Vern. It's my story.
Do you mind if I tell it?
Now, look, Dennis,
there's a woman,
named Susan,
totally fitting
the description
of Odette Sorelle.
She works at Waterbury.
She works with a guy
named Ted Clair.
Did you see this
Odette Sorelle,
St. Cloud?
Is this Susan Hanrahan
the same woman?
I never seen
Susan Hanrahan.
Dennis, while Susan
and Clair were walking
back to their office,
I overheard them talking
about somebody named
Wendell Butterfield.
Said he got k*lled
on the freeway
and they wouldn't have
to bother with him anymore.
Who is Wendell Butterfield?
Well, now, that was
my question exactly.
So I went through
the phone books.
This is a page out of the
Orange County Yellow Pages.
''Wendell B. Butterfield.
''Discreet personaI
investigation since 1958.
''We care.''
All right,
so he was no whiz
at advertising copy.
He was a P.I.
till some diesel truck
put him out of business.
Now, Waterbury
won't have to do it
like they did with Marv
and Vern and Billy Merrihew
and a few other guys
I've been checking on.
Gee, you people have
an inflated picture
of your own importance.
One of the world's
foremost security firms
and they're worried about
the little neighborhood
stores, right?
There's always
a big attrition rate
in your business.
You people are flaky,
undependable.
Hey, flaky?
Yes. And you have
your moments, admit it.
Look at this case history.
This guy busts into
an old lady's house.
Our dead man
started to flash his g*n
in a Chinese restaurant.
And this kind of thing
is not unusual.
So let's not blame it on
some kind of a gigantic plot.
Dennis, will you just
check out Susan Hanrahan?
And the Waterbury operation?
I have no reason to.
Well, Dennis...
Well, that's that.
We got no proof.
Vern, why don't you...
Why don't you just
go sell shoes, huh?
I understand that
your department had
something to do with that.
No. We called in
Sticks and Stones.
They were to interrogate him
and apply physical pressure.
No one
could have foreseen
that the situation
would eventuate
into a heart att*ck.
Special Projects Office
isn't trained
for interrogation.
They're trained
for subduing ex-husbands
and bodyguarding rock stars.
A 20-point reduction
in the small agencies'
share of the market
is what we were after.
In terms of
our overall operation,
that isn't too big a deal.
You were given
good operatives,
their salaries totaling
over $84,000.
And yet, suddenly,
it is a big deal.
It's a bloody mess.
And I don't like
spending my time
on things like this.
Now I'm told
that James Rockford
may very well be on
to what we were about.
Why haven't you
disenfranchised him
in your program?
He was fourth on the list.
Unfortunately, he was
on an extended vacation
when we tried to contact him.
We weren't even aware
that he had returned.
My program was working well.
The fact that a man
had a coronary and d*ed...
You've allowed two
of your people to cohabit,
isn't that so?
Hanrahan and McCreery?
Mr. La Pointe,
it is the 1970s, isn't it?
Back in the 1860s,
when Judah Waterbury
founded this company,
some human beings liked
to play house even then.
And so they did.
But not while they
worked for him.
It was sloppy practice then
and it is sloppy practice now.
If Hanrahan and McCreery
had not been living together,
he wouldn't
have broken his leg
while skiing with her.
He wouldn't have been
recuperating at her house
and the Special Projects thugs
wouldn't have been called in.
What have you done
about containment?
Hanrahan has been taken
out of the city.
All evidence of her hiring
has been shredded.
The program,
needless to say,
has been deactivated.
The paperwork
and the cost figures
will be shipped
to the London office
as soon as possible.
We don't know
how much information
this Rockford has.
Something will have
to be done about him,
won't it?
Like what?
k*ll him?
I didn't say that.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
You must be
out of your gourd.
Twenty-three years
in the crummy business
and I never heard
anything so nuts.
How do we get past
the guards?
How do we find
where they keep
the records?
The Waterbury
is a 15-story building.
ROCKFORD: 16.
What's the difference,
for the love of Mike?
Plenty.
They have a 13th floor
in that building,
but they got it hidden.
And that's where the office
that Susan and Clair work.
How do you know that,
Einstein?
Because Clair
met me in the lobby,
not in his office.
And Susan
came down the stairs,
she didn't take the elevator.
Then afterwards, I saw them
walk up a locked staircase.
When I got in the elevator,
I looked at the elevator
indicator,
and it said 15 floors,
skipping 13 as usual.
So what?
Well, when I got outside,
I counted the rows of windows
in the building.
There were 16, not 15.
But we still have
the whole floor to search.
We don't know
where Clair's office is.
And how much time we have
to waltz around up there?
Well,
we can narrow that down, too.
You can create a diversion
while we get by
the guard in the lobby
and into the building.
Forget that.
You're not handing
old Vern his lunch.
The sap who makes diversion
is the sap on the spot.
You're going to do it, Vern.
You're the guy who
talked Marv into a casket.
Now, he had a wife and kids.
Now, there could be a lawsuit
but there won't be
unless we turn up
some proof of foul play.
Well, yeah, I know, but...
Look, Merrihew,
look what he's proposing.
Another break and entering.
You want to risk that?
Do you want to get
your license back?
This is the last chance
you're gonna get to do it.
Boy, you're on
a real crusade,
aren't you?
You're a regular
Sir Guinevere.
I don't like what's
happening to my friends
and I don't like what's
happening to my profession.
Oh, yeah?
Am I your friend?
WOMAN ON PA.. Mr. Anderson,
please report to the
investigation office
on the 10th floor.
There's nobody on 13.
Nobody anywhere
but in the lobby.
So far, perfect.
My dad'll be calling
Clair's extension
in about five minutes.
I'll make my call, too.
ANNOUNCER ON TV..
...looks it over.
[SIREN WAILING]
OFFICER: Come on, we got
a jumper on the roof.
The call just came in.
Come on.
I don't see anybody.
It's over there.
Come on, let's go.
[ANNOUNCER CHATTERING ON TV]
Go away and leave me alone.
[GLASS SHATTERS]
Just take it easy, buddy.
Just take it easy.
VERN: Leave me alone!
[PHONE RINGING]
OFFICER 1.. Let's just take it
real, real cool, now.
Settle down.
Chat him up.
OFFICER 2.. Sir, please
don't stand so close.
Stay back from the edge
a little, okay?
Come on,
who's got the keys?
Now, look,
go get the master keys.
I'll get them.
Come on, shake it.
[RINGING]
Yeah, Dad?
Yeah. We're in.
Yeah, Rocky.
Dad, not now, okay?
How you doing over there?
Ah, I haven't found
nothing yet.
[SIREN WAILING]
Go on.
WOMAN: Anybody know
who he is?
Don't they put a net out
or something?
[HORN HONKING]
[SIREN WAILING]
MAN:
I saw something like this
on the Golden Gate Bridge.
There's just graphs and memos.
There's got to be something
here.
Oh, man,
they cleaned
everything out.
[SIRENS WAILING]
Get out.
Don't come near me!
We're not moving. See?
My name's Phil.
What's yours?
Suck an egg.
Hey, you...
You have any kids, buddy?
I do. Couple of them.
Let me show you
their pictures.
I know what
you're trying to get at.
Just stay away from me.
WOMAN 1 :
It must be 300 feet up.
WOMAN 2:
Does he work in there?
Hey. Potempkin, Marvin.
Oh, look at this.
They got gross earnings,
Logs, times, dates.
Oh, hey, here's the meeting
at the Tao Tao.
Tally of the man hours
and everything.
Uh-huh, there's
Wendell Butterfield
and here's Harry Telfair
and here's mine.
And here's the Molinaros'
address
and the Molinaros'
travel dates.
Let's take this stuff.
Okay. Got it.
Hey.
Hey, hey.
We can't take
the elevator.
There'll be people,
remember? Come on.
Just take it easy.
All right, all you people
down there, please disperse.
Please disperse.
You're not doing the man
up here on the roof any good.
Please disperse.
Take it easy now.
[WOMAN CHATTERING ON RADIO]
Hold it. What are
you two doing here?
Where's the nearest
liquor store?
I said, hold it.
Answer me.
The man on the roof
has demanded more beer.
Now, where can I get it?
You two were up there?
We're police psychiatrists.
Now, stop wasting time.
I got to get over
to the man's home
and coach his wife.
There's Barry's Wine Cellar
near Camden.
Okay, you get on that, Hank.
I'll get a black and white
to go over to the man's home
Code Three.
Now, he wants
Rocky Mountain brand.
Try and spike it
with some chlorpromazine.
I got some in my bag
in the car.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Jump! Jump!
Good old Vern.
Hey, mister, come on now,
we're your friends.
We don't want you to jump.
Jump? I never said
I was going to jump.
Come on, get him.
Here, you want a beer?
It wasn't as totally nefarious
as it seems.
You small timers can't
even provide your clients
with decent
high-quality service.
We can.
Put him in the
second-floor lockup.
You know that guy
was once an FBI agent?
And he copped out
on his friends like
a Hollywood junkie.
We're picking up
the two muscle heads now
and they'll all face
homicide charges.
Tell me,
you have any idea
who your anonymous friend
at the Waterbury company was?
The one who sent
these records
in this mysterious plain
brown envelope?
I wish I knew, Dennis.
I really do.
I'd like to thank him.
Or her.
Yeah.
Well, I think you've got
everything you need.
You got our statements.
I think we'll be going.
These two gentlemen
have an appointment
with the Investigator's
Licensing Bureau.
Not me. First I got
to have my daily chat
with a psychiatric
social worker.
On account of the su1c1de.
You see, nobody believes
that I wasn't despondent.
[CHUCKLING] Me! Despondent.
You're lucky
no criminal charges
were filed against you.
For what?
Drinking beer
on the roof?
He's a good man.
He's a sap.
He's a friend of mine.
Oh, come on, you guys,
we hit it right on the
bull's eye.
We should be dancing.
No more unemployment.
No more shoe stores.
You're right, Billy.
Matter of fact, I got
some champagne left over
from my dad's birthday.
What do you say
we pop a cork
later tonight?
Hey!
How about it, Vern?
A little champagne?
For Marv.
In a couple of weeks
we are going to be
competing with each other
all over again.
Dog-eat-dog.
Oh, so what, man?
Let's bury the hatchet.
Bury the hatchet.
That's a catchy phrase.
Very original.
Hey, come on, Vern,
we went through a lot
together.
Let's be friends.
I'll see you guys around.
Hey, fellas.
Don't take any wooden nickels.
03x13 - Sticks and Stones May Break Your Bones, but Waterbury Will Bury You
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Follows ex-convict turned private investigator from his mobile home in a parking lot on a beach in Malibu, California.
Follows ex-convict turned private investigator from his mobile home in a parking lot on a beach in Malibu, California.