05x07 - Harry Nobody

[bunniefuu]

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12,

a 211 in progress.

One-Adam-12, handle code 3.

♪♪

You? A chaperone for a
dance? You gotta be kidding.

Wish I were. She laid it on me

between the chicken cacciatore
and the strawberry cheesecake.

A real low-profile surveillance.

The way she described
it, we stand by the exits

like gestapo agents and
keep the kids from splitting out.

Well, I warned you about
dating schoolteachers.

One-Adam-12,
One-Adam 12, ambulance.

Victim of a sh**ting. 503
San Miguel, Schuyler Hotel.

Code 2

One-Adam-12, roger.

The guy who got
sh*t is named Fox.

The maid found him. His
room's up on the third floor.

- The elevator's back here.
- How long ago did it happen?

I don't know. I was off duty.

I locked the door to his room.

I didn't think you'd
want anybody going in.

Yes, sir. You
did the right thing.

- Can I have your name?
- Ellis. My name is Gene Ellis.

I wasn't even supposed
to be here today.

Come on, Harry. Move.

Now, look, I don't want
to go back into that room.

- It's the last door
on the right.
- Thank you.

The detectives will want to talk to the
maid and anybody else who was around.

- Could you give us
a list of names?
- All right, Officer.

He's had it. sh*t
once through the head.

Looks like he's been
dead quite a while.

I'll call detectives.

- Anything?
- No. I got the list of people
for detectives.

Ellis is trying to get them
together. How about you?

Looks like he used a
pillow to muffle the sh*t.

Maybe he caught his
clothes on the way out.

Up the fire escape, in the window,
sh**t his man, and back down again.

That's about it. I'll go
check with the coroner.

Better seal this off for
detectives in the line.

Sir.

Me?

Yes, sir. Did
Mr. Ellis talk to you?

No.

Wouldn't have done any good.

I know you've got a job to do,

but you're wasting your
time asking Harry anything.

Well, if he was in the hotel,

that'd make him a
potential witness.

I can just see it.

Using Harry as a witness.

It's like using Jack the
Ripper for a babysitter.

He's just an old wino who
lives around the corner.

He'll tell you anything if you
pop for a bottle of Muscatel.

I finished sweeping, Mr. Ellis.

Excuse me, sir. I still
have to talk to you.

I told you, you're
wasting your time.

Why don't you let him
answer the questions, huh?

Is there anything that you can tell us
about the sh**ting that happened upstairs?

I'm sorry. I just got here.

I wish I could help you.

Thanks for calling me "sir."

Sign right here, please.

There are children in this
neighborhood, Mrs. Parker.

Better slow down.

I thought I'd heard
every wild excuse.

What was hers?

She forgot to feed her goldfish.

One-Adam-12, clear.

One-Adam-12, clear.
Meet One-L-90 on tack 2.

One-Adam-12, roger.

One-Adam-12 to L-90, go.

Reed, some old
guy just called in.

Claims he saw the Fox sh**ting,
and he won't talk to anyone but you.

I've already cleared it with
Homicide, so check it out.

Name's Harry
Craig. 4063 Hollistan,

apartment 312.

Roger, Mac.

One-Adam-12, show us code 6

at 4063 Hollistan
Ave, apartment 200.

One-Adam-12, roger.

Wait a minute.

- Honey, please.
- Quiet!

Hello there. How are you?

Nice to see you.
Come in. Come in.

- This is my son Steve.
- How do you do?

- And his wife Ellen.
- Hi.

And over here is
my grandson Tommy.

- Hi.
- Hi, Tommy.

Hi.

- How about a cup of coffee?
- No, thank you.

Won't take a minute.

I have had it.

I just can't take
any more of this.

And you... you're always
making excuses for him.

He's just a lonely old
man. That's all he is.

Well, that lonely old man is
driving us right up the walls.

And he's not setting much
of an example for Tommy.

Aw, come on, Ma.

Look, he's gonna
give you some story

about seeing the
sh**ting last night.

Well, don't believe
him. It can't be true.

- How do you know?
- Because he came in last night

just like he almost always
comes in... smashed.

And he probably passed
out in his room like always.

- But you're not sure.
- Well, you can bet on it.

My husband had a job
getting him up this morning.

- Honey...
- Well, didn't you?

Yes, I did, but he
wasn't as bad as usual.

He wasn't.

Not bad at all.

You fellas help
yourselves, okay?

I wasn't that drunk
last night, Ellen.

Well, you remember, Tommy.

I came in your room
to say good night.

I was all right, wasn't I?

Sure, Gramps. If you say so.

Look, Mr. Craig, why don't
you just tell us what you saw?

Oh, call me Harry, huh?

Okay.

Well, let's go in my room.

Okay, Harry. We're listening.

Well, I, uh, worked late
last night at the hotel.

You know, cleaning
up. And, uh...

And there's this old guy in 358.
You know, he leaves his door open,

and sometimes I sneak in there
and borrow a little of his whiskey.

Anyway, that's where I was.

I looked out the window,
and that's when I saw him.

Who?

Well, this guy climbing
up the hotel fire escape.

He looked like he
had a g*n with him,

and he climbed in the window right
opposite to where I was standing.

I could see very clearly. You
know, the light's pretty good there.

Well, go on, Harry.

Well, he stood, looking
at someone in the bed,

and then he picked up a pillow
from the bed and he held it in his hand

like he was hiding a g*n.

Did you hear anything?

You mean like a sh*t? No.
No, I couldn't hear a thing.

What happened next?

Well, he dropped the pillow,

and it seemed like he kicked it.

And, uh...

Well, then he climbed out the window
and went on down the fire escape.

Anything else?

I don't think so.
Wait a minute now.

Yeah. Uh,

he got caught on something
climbing out the window.

But then he pulled
himself loose.

About what time was this?



Did you recognize the man?

Never saw him before,

but I'd know him
if I saw him again.

Well, why didn't
you call the police?

Well, to be frank, I was
pretty smashed by then.

I just about made it back here
to my room before I conked out.

Harry, this morning, you told me you
didn't know anything about the sh**ting.

Why?

Well, I figure

who's gonna believe me?

You know, I know what they're thinking,
and most of the time, they're right.

What made you change your mind?

You did.

You treated me like I was
somebody instead of just an old wino.

That Silver Star...
Harry, is that yours?

Yeah.

Tommy used to love to wear that.

He used to sit for hours
listening to my stories.

But I can't remember
when was the last time.

We're gonna take him down and
let him have a look at the mug files.

You see, the police believe me.

Pop, please.

Sooner or later, his
story will fall apart.

It always does.

Tommy, you believe
your old Gramps

this once, can't you?

He doesn't mean to lie.

He just doesn't know
what the truth is anymore.

You ready, Harry?

Yeah. Yeah.

He called in three backups,
and all he came up with after that

was a simple 484.

What was the
checker on the heist?

Would you believe one of
those big stuffed teddy bears?

Look, Terry's green yet. Give
him time. He'll make a good cop.

- How's it going, Harry?
- Nothing yet.

But I'll keep on looking.

You know, this Fox
thing. That's a tough one.

Who was the guy?

Just a small-time pickpocket.

I can't figure out why
anybody'd want to blow him up.

- Did he have any money
in his wallet?
- No.

That's why we've got Mr. Craig
going over the known hot prowlers.

I don't have any faith.

Maybe we'll get lucky.

One-Adam-12, day watch clear.

One-Adam-12, clear.

Okay, so tell me what
happened last night.

- I'd rather not.
- Oh, come on, Pete.

It was only a junior high school
dance. It couldn't have been that rough.

You speak from
ignorance, kemosabe.

Tell me what happened.

It's a little hard to explain.

It's kind of like the circus.

You know the wild animal act
where the guy goes into the cage

full of lions and tigers, and all
he's got is a whip and a chair?

Yeah, and a pair of leather
pants and a gypsy-like shirt.

That's kind of the way I felt. Everywhere
I looked, something was about to happen.

Two little dudes start
going at it in the parking lot,

and while I was
breaking that up,

four others split out the door I
was supposed to be watching.

The vice principal
caught them peeling off.

Let me put it to you this way.

If anybody ever asks
you to chaperone a dance,

ask them for 50 bucks an
hour and medical benefits.

It's nice to hear you
had such a good time.

On my all-time list
of life's bumness,

it's maybe second or third.

One-Adam-12,
One-Adam-12, see the woman.

A prowler now.

8428 Birch.

Code 2.

One-Adam-12, roger.

Well, it's about time.

You called about
a prowler, miss?

A prowler?

Is that what they told you?

Boy, that's a laugh.
This guy's nothing

but a plain, old-fashioned
Peeping Tom.

Uh, would it be
okay if I come in?

Sure.

Boy, the nerve of some guys.

My partner's watching out back.

Would it be okay if
he came in that way?

Sure. Come on.

I'm an exotic dancer. I
work at the Black Orchid.

Maybe you've seen my work.

My name's Dawn Patrol.

Afraid not.

She's a dancer.

Oh.

Dawn Patrol.

I guess that's probably
your stage name, huh?

Oh, sure.

We'll need your real
name for the report.

It's Fatima Goldring.

Now do you see why I changed it?

I was rehearsing my act, see?

That record player
over there was on,

and I was doing a
leg raise like this,

and I looked up,
and there he was

at the window, grinning at me.

That creep. He's probably out

scaring the pants off of
some other broad right now.

Can you describe this man?

I certainly can.

He's about six feet tall,



He has light brown hair.

Wears it sort of medium long.

And brown eyes.

And he was wearing a tan shirt

with a "B" monogrammed
on the left pocket.

Hmm. You'd make a good witness.

It's part of my stock and trade.

When I go onstage, I have
to size up an audience fast.

Yes, well, Miss Patrol,
we'll make the report

and keep an eye
open for this man.

You know what burns me up?

That big ape is too cheap to come
down to the club and buy a drink.

He could've had all
the looks he wanted,

but he had to have a freebie.

Hmm.

What's this?

It's the check. It's
your turn to pay.

It's what?

Oh, come on, Pete.
Now, don't try to stiff me.

I paid three times last week.

I don't want you to think
of me as cheap, partner,

but I don't look upon coffee
and donuts the same as lunch.

Now, uh, pay up or wash dishes.

Oh.

If you're gonna be that way.

5891. No one on the line.

1643. Stand by.

1645. First name was Gene.

Verify the year of
the DOB as '45 or '35.

Oh, no. You're not
gonna believe this.

Try me.

"11:30 this morning, Harry Craig

"of 4063 Hollistan Avenue,

"walked into this
reporter's office

"and calmly announced that
he was the only eyewitness

to a m*rder which took
place at the Schuyler Hotel."

You're right. I
don't believe it.

It's all here. Even his picture.

Let me see.

I believe it.

He's a big celebrity
in his family.

I hope his family's smart
enough to get him out of town

before they find out
K*llers can read, too.

I wish I knew whether he
was putting us on or not.

Oh, he knows too
much to be doing that.

What about the coroner's report...
time of death about 4:30, not 1:00?

He was mistaken about the time.

He struck out on the mug file.

Look, we both know that
that doesn't mean anything.

You're probably being
influenced by his family and Ellis.

Maybe.

Any unit, identify and handle.

A 217. sh*ts fired.

4063 Hollistan, apartment 200.

Harry's.

One-Adam-12, clear,
and we'll handle 217,

sh*ts fired at 4063
Hollistan Avenue.

One-Adam-12,
roger. Handle code 2.

On top of all the fool things.

Come on, Dad. Take it easy.

What happened?

Somebody tried to sh**t me

just as I was coming
in the building.

Did you see who it was?

No.

Didn't you realize that by
going to the newspapers

you were putting
your life on the line?

You're the only one
that can identify this guy.

I didn't think of that.

I just wanted my
picture in the paper

so my family'd
maybe look up to me.

Let's go see if we
can find the b*llet.

You think you can make
it down the stairs, Harry?

I think so.

Now you'd just come in and you
were headed for the elevator, right?

- That's right.
- Where were you
when you heard the sh*t?

I could practically
hear it whiz past my ear.

Try a little
further to your left.

Found it.

Didn't I tell you?

He found it.

The detective sent us a
copy of the ballistics report

on the b*llet we took from Fox.

.38 special.

The one that came from
the Craig place was a .45.

It's possible our m*rder*r
used two different g*ns.

A lot of .45s were GI-issue.

Yeah, they were.

I think I know where we
can pick up that second g*n.

- What happened?
- Accident. Craig got hit
by a car.

Ambulance is on the way.

- How'd it happen, Harry?
- He was trying to k*ll me.

This time, I mean it. The
g*n... I lied about the g*n.

We figured it was your g*n.

Well, I crossing the ally,

and suddenly, out of
nowhere comes this car.

I tried to get out of his way,
and he came right for me.

I guess I was lucky
he only caught my arm.

Spun me around pretty
good. It feels like it's broken.

Listen, the ambulance is on
the way. You just take it easy.

We'll stay with him.
Thanks for your help.

Did you see the driver?

Yeah.

Did you know him?

Oh, sure.

It's almost funny.

I made up that whole
story about the sh**ting.

I couldn't have identified
that guy to save my life.

But because I lied,
now he wants to k*ll me.

And he will unless you help us.

I want to help you.

His name's Carl Keegan.

He ran a floating crap game.
And about six month ago,

a guy pulled a heist just when
there was a lot of money present,

and Keegan's business
went down the drain,

so he swore he was gonna
get this guy that sold him out.

He must've just
discovered it was Fox,

and traced him to the Schuyler.

- Do you now where he lives?
- Uh-huh.

Harry, if you didn't see the sh**ting,
how did you know all the details?

I'm a good listener.

When you two were
in the hotel room,

I was in the broom
closet next door.

Pickle sauce.
A little breakfast.

I could hear every word.

You know, I've been
nothing for so long.

Somehow, when your
family tells you, take it easy,

they'll take care of everything,

that's when you start to die.

I guess I lied because I
needed to be someone.

I was tired of being nobody.

Hey, watch his left arm there.

This is One-Adam-12 requesting
a supervisor and backup unit

meet us on tack 2.

One-Adam-12, roger.

One-L-20, One-Adam-72.

One-L-20 and One-Adam-72,
meet One-Adam-12 on tack 2.

One-L-20 to One-Adam-12, go.

Mac, we got some
information on the Fox 187.

Request that you meet us
at Century and Holt, code 2.

- One-L-20, roger.
- Three minutes.

One-Adam-72, did you copy?

One-Adam-72,
roger. Four minutes.

I'll drive up to the corner
and check down the street.

Give me about a
minute. If the car is there,

you should be able to converge
in about 30 seconds after my call.

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-72,

suspect in driveway,
loading truck.

- Looks like he's getting
ready to split. Let's go.
- One-Adam-12, roger.

Give it up, Keegan!

- Yeah. .38.
- Did you have any doubts?

Chalk one up for Harry.

I hope his family will
try to understand that.

I think they will. After
all, Harry's a hero.

Everybody loves a hero,
especially a 12-year-old boy.