05x02 - Spin Cycle

[bunniefuu]

[chirping]

Are there birds in here?

It's the phone. [chirping]

There are birds in the phone?

I got a new one. The old one was junk.

Hello? Corner Gas. How can I help you? [beeping]

Yeah. Hi. My battery's low, so-- [beeping]

Corner Gas. Make it quick. The battery's gonna die.

[chirping continues]

Anytime you want to answer it, feel free.

I can't yet. It's charging.

So you replaced the phone that didn't work with one we can't use.

What did that upgrade cost me?

Whatever's missing from the till?

♪ You can tell me that your dog ran away ♪

♪ Then tell me that it took three days ♪

♪ I've heard every joke, I've heard every one you say ♪

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, Baby, you're so wrong ♪

♪ And that's why you can stay so long ♪

♪ Where there's not a lot goin' on ♪♪

What can I get you guys?

Uh, I'll have the tofu salad,

but replace the tofu with chicken.

So the chicken salad?

Oh, no. It's not as healthy.

Since when do you care about being healthy?

Since always. I'm kickin' it up a notch, eatin' right, exercisin'.

What about you, Karen?

I think I'm in pretty good shape.

No. I mean what do you want to eat?

Oh. Um, can I get the cheeseburger with bacon

and fries and gravy, to go?

You ever heard of vegetables?

There's lettuce on it.

WANDA: A lithium battery, metre range.

You could use that thing across town.

I can't use it here.

How am I supposed to check on the lunch specials?

It's called walking.

Oh, good idea. Who should I call to walk over there?

Don't touch it! It has to fully charge, fully!

I'll go to The Ruby for you.

Hi, Lacey.

You probably think I'm gonna horn in

on what you're doing, but I won't.

Thanks for the heads up.

I don't know if this is a fundraising calendar

or something, but I'm not interested.

Can we get more coffee?

Is this a fundraising calendar?

Yes.

Featuring the ladies of Dog River. I see.

Okay, Lacey, if you want to help,

we need someone to be Ms. April.

Oh, wow. You-you guys, I am so honoured.

We mean help us find someone to be Miss April.

Oh. Oh, I see.

Oh, 'cause I'm not a "lady" of Dog River

and I'm still an outsider?

No. You can be Ms. April if you want.

It's just that--well, it seems silly now,

but we didn't think you'd want to appear naked.

Oh, Emma.

You-you want me to be naked?

Hey, before you drop your drawers,

what are the specials?

Why didn't you answer the phone?

I tried callin' three times.

The new phone's charging.

It's a hassle, but that's balanced out

by not having to take your calls.

Pork chops and tuna melt.

Together at last.

How much is a fancy cell phone like this?

It's not a cell phone. And don't touch it.

If it's not a cell phone, then where's the cord, smart guy?

He's got ya there.

Hey, these lunch specials, do they come with soup?

Maybe I should call over there on the not-yet-fully-charged phone.

Don't touch it! It needs to charge fully.

Fully is the point!

Oh, right.

I'll go ask about the soup.

Why don't you use the cell phone?

It's not a cell phone.

So, what kinda plan ya on?

Well, not completely naked.

We're tastefully covered up, I mean by a fence or a door.

I'm going to be in a canoe.

Well, that is great. Everyone in town naked.

You know, this town.

Fun, huh?

Maybe you can give us a hand and get other people.

Naked people? Like me, naked? In this calendar, naked?

Well, of course.

You know, because if there is one thing that I love,

it-it's being naked.

Before you ditch your britches, what's the soup?

I envy you, Karen. Wish I could eat like that.

Ah, I have a high metabolism.

No. I meant not caring about what you look like.

Are you calling me fat?

No. You look great.

Hank said I should eat vegetables.

Ah, forget about Hank.

I like a woman with a little meat on her bones.

Oh, Hank wanted to know when these comics came in.

I guess I should call him and let him know they're here.

Just wait one more hour, it will be charged.

It's partially charged.

Is partially fully? Hm?

It has to be fully. Fully!

Do you hear me?

Fully!

Hey, Olivia.

The new comics are in.

Oh, thanks.

Olivia?

Newton John?

Let's Get Physical?

Oh, no, uh, not right now. I-I'm about to work out.

Spin class?

Cool.

That's right. I'm doing something about it.

Maybe you'd like to join me.

Sure. Do they supply the plates, or do you bring your own?

Not that kinda spinning. It's on a bike.

Ooo, like the circus.

No, it's not like the circus.

There are no plates, no clowns, just a bike.

Damn.

Because I love the circus.

I gave Hank the message.

Hey, I got your message.

Well, I suppose I should call Mom, you know,

let her know Dad's still here.

Knock yourself out.

The phone's charged.

Fully?

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

It's not as satisfying as I had hoped.

I'll do it later.

You're outta toilet paper.

That's a paper towel roll.

Same dif.

[chirping] Cell phone's ringin'.

Leave it. Let the machine get it. Gotcha.

[chirping]

[beep]

Hello.

Hey, you guys here for spin class?

Yeah. But, uh, FYI, it's not like the circus.

Boy, that looks good. Can I have a bite?

Okay.

Mm.

You know what? You can have it.

I thought this was supposed to start at noon.

Where's the teacher?

You're lookin' at him.

That guy?

No, I thought you'd be lookin' at me when I said that.

Oh, so you're the teacher.

Oh, my God, you're the teacher?

Let's spin.

Sure. Where do you wanna do this?

No, not here.

Outside? The light's better.

No, not now. And-and I won't be taking the pictures. So--

You sounded pretty into it before.

I am, very into it.

I love anything that's, you know, risqué.

Risqué? [growls]

Like wearing red pantaloons?

Settle down, Doris.

Look, I am very cool with this. All right?

In fact, yesterday I thought to myself,

"I would love to get naked."

[chirping]

Hello?

No, this is not Corner Gas.

Do I look like a gas station?

This is my cell phone, Jackass. You're eatin' up my minutes.,

[scoffs]

Okay, let's hold this pace.

It helps if you visualize.

Imagine you're at the Tour de France,

watchin' from the sidelines on a stationary bike.

Come on, Davis.

You won't watch someone win the Tour de France like that.

[gasping] Spinning, hard.

Take a look at Karen. Now that's how ya spin.

Thanks, Hank.

[gasping] Teacher's pet, you.

Davis, if you're gonna keep talking,

I'm gonna have to see you after spin class.

[in unison] Oooo-ooo-ooo.

[ringing]

Hello?

Hey, Baby. [chuckles]

Just on my way home.

Are you talking on a phone in the car?

Yeah.

The wheelbarrow's fine. See you soon.

Told ya.

Talk to ya later.

What is that?

[ringing]

Hello?

It's a cell phone. Don't ya know anything?

Hey, Karen. How's it goin'? Good.

Uh, listen, you know that calendar Emma and I are working on?

Ah, the naked thing, yeah.

We were wondering if you'd like to be in it.

Ooh.

Though I-I should warn you,

some of the ladies will be... scantily clad.

Scantily clad? What are you, ?

No, it's just, you know, not everyone is as comfortable

with the whole naked thing as, uh, say I am.

So where are you thinkin' we'd do this thing?

I don't know, the police station or maybe by the cruiser.

Okey-dokey.

Okay, no, no, no. Put your clothes back on.

We'll-we'll do it later.

Someone else will take it later.

Open your eyes.

I'm clad again.

Where'd you get that, anyway?

Brent gave it to me, from on the counter, where I found it.

I'm calling him.

Good luck. They never pick up.

[chirping]

Do you know where the phone is?

I thought you had it.

[chirping]

What are you callin' me for?

Call Brent.

[beep]

Hey, guys. What's goin' on?

Lacey wants me to pose in the nude calendar.

Hey, can I be in it? No. Keep your clothes on, Davis.

What? I was just gonna show you some pictures.

You have pictures?

Oh, yeah. But don't worry. I'm tastefully covered up.

That one's called Good Cop.

[groans]

No, Davis, you can't be in the calendar.

Oh, I get it.

Teacher's Pet can be in it, but not me.

Hey, I didn't know you were a teacher's pet.

I was a teacher's pet.

I am not a teacher's pet.

Hey, great workout yesterday, you guys.

And Karen, thanks for the apple.

Teacher's Pet.

EMMA: Anyway, I thought you should know. Bye.

Mom just left a message.

Dad's using the new phone as his cell phone.

What?

Wow. Your parents' place is like a kilometre away.

Told ya that thing had good range.

Yeah, way better than the old phone.

That could only be used around here, you know, where we are.

Jeez, you're a baby.

Fine. I'll go to your parents' place and get the phone.

Maybe bring back some diapers for you to wear too.

See if she has any cookies.

And this one's Bad Cop.

Ooo, very tasteful.

Hey, guys.

Well, well, if it isn't Spin Teacher's Pet.

You, uh, come to polish Teacher's bike before class?

[laughing]

I think spin class is stupid too, ya know?

We didn't say it was stupid.

Ya hear that? Teacher's Pet thinks we're stupid. Huh.

Hey, guys. Who wants to help me set up?

Not me. I'm talking to my friends.

Anyways. And here...

What, no apple?

[knocking]

Hi, Emma. Is Oscar here? I think so.

[yells] Oscar!

[chirping]

What now?

Give me that phone back or you'll need it to call the hospital.

This cell phone makes you sound terrible. You sound like Wanda.

Okay, that's it!

That's what? Hello?

All right, everyone, prepare to enter the spin zone.

Oooh, okay.

Who put this tack here, hm?

Who's the wise guy?

I did it.

Karen, I'm disappointed in you,

disappointed that you cover up for your so-called friends.

Now who did this?

Okay. Nobody wants to fess up?

Then you all got detention until the person responsible comes clean.

Dention? This is spin class.

That's five.

Five what?

That's ten. You wanna keep goin'?

'Cause I can go all the way up to like .

So let's go, ten minutes hard ridin'. Come on.

[groaning]

Karen, you don't have to do this.

Jackass!

I gotta tell Brent to stop givin' out this number.

Oscar, isn't that the Corner Gas phone?

Mind your own business, nudie.

Oh! Busy. Typical.

Look, I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do,

stay in detention even if I didn't have to?

Yes.

Okay, wait. Check this out.

Would a teacher's pet do this?

Karen!

Is that what you think I am, a dictator?

He gave me the slip.

You know, for a guy in his s, with legs like a chicken,

he can really move.

Maybe we should get Davis and Karen on it.

Yeah. If only we had some manner of telephoning device

to call them.

Your dad will run out of power soon and he'll bring it back.

No harm done.

Where do you want your cases of wiper fluid?

? I ordered .

Oh, you were pretty clear on the phone what you wanted,

Jackass.

No harm done.

Get the phone back from Dad before he gets me k*lled.

Hey, guys.

Look it, I was just thinking.

Um, you know, it doesn't seem fair.

I'm naked all the time.

And, you know, I thought maybe we could open this up

to people who don't get the chance, like Davis.

Have you seen his photos?

[in unison] Yes.

And that Christmas card.

You're not backing out, are ya?

No.

Because we booked a photographer for tomorrow

and he's taking pictures of ya here.

Amazing. Amazing.

Ooo, you know, tomorrow not a good naked day for me.

I-I'm frying a lot of bacon. And--

You're not nervous about being scantily clad, are you?

Scantily clad? What are ya, ?

. But that's sweet of you to say.

All right, everybody, let's spin.

This teacher's way harder than Hank.

And I want you to spin way harder than you did with Hank.

You should be happy. You made Hank quit.

Hey, over there.

Ten extra minutes for talking.

Dang.

Do I have to do it as well?

No.

You can do for not raising your hand.

[in unison] Ooo-ooo-ooo.

I've got a problem.

Can't keep your pants on. I heard.

There is a photographer waiting next door to take a photo of me naked.

You gotta help me. Is your zipper stuck?

Don't haul me into your crazy orgies. Sinner.

Oh, come on, Brent.

Look it, I am not into whole naked calendar thing. Okay?

I can't do it.

So don't.

I promised your mom.

Aw, she won't care.

She's surprised you made it this far.

She is?

Sorry, but you're not exactly a free spirit.

We know you better than that.

Really?

Yeah. Now, uh, just hang on.

I have to press this page button for second.

[beep]

[chirping]

Hey!

So all this time you knew I was uncomfortable

with the whole calendar thing?

I've kinda got to know ya over the years.

Oh, that is so sweet.

You know the kind of person I am and you're okay with it.

Um, yeah.

In fact, you know what? I think I can do this.

Lacey, uh, you don't have to.,

Nah, nah. It's okay.

I feel at home now. Watch me.

Wow, this-this isn't so bad.

It's actually kinda liberating.

I couldn't get the photographer.

What?

Well, who's that guy?

I've got no idea.

Can I get a coffee to go?

[Wanda and Oscar yelling]

Hey, Brent, I got the phone back.

Oh, yeah, and Lacey's naked over here.

Yeah, everything.

Hey, Hank.

Listen, I'm sorry I made you quit.

You know, it's funny.

I was the teacher, but in the end you ended up

teachin' me somethin' about myself.

What's that?

Well, that people see us as they wanna see us,

in the simplest terms, most convenient definitions.

But what we've found is that each one of us is a brain,

an athlete, a basket case.

Isn't that from The Breakfast Club?

Yeah, I rented it last night. Great movie.

See ya around, kiddo.

Don't you forget about me.

I get it.

that job, anyway?

You know, everyone asks me that.

And let me tell ya. It's quite the story.

[harp strumming]

Wow. That is quite a story.

Yeah. And to think it all started with a tornado and a cat.

Is this the story about how Hank became the spinning instructor?

Yeah.

How'd you get that job, anyway?

You haven't heard this? No.

I was at home watchin' a TV show about a tornado and a cat,

when they called me up and asked

if I wanted to be a spinning instructor.

Wow.

Yeah. I mean you can't make this stuff up.

So you can hear me okay?

Yeah, it's clear.

Is that a cordless?

It works anywhere in Corner Gas,

if that's what you mean.

The best part is, it's completely idiot proof.

I'm just gettin' in the car now.

Yeah.

♪ I don't know the same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know I just don't know ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ and it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know Yes you do ♪

♪ You just won't admit it ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just don't know ♪♪