02x07 - The Perfect Storm

[bunniefuu]

The old man slept like a baby.

A teething baby.

Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked. Unlocked.

Dad couldn't sleep

until he double-checked,

triple-checked, and

quadruple-checked the locks.

Off.

Off.

And checked and blessed every burner.

the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

Will you quit packin'

around and come to bed?

Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!

Shut up yourself, you old coot!

Everything in the house

had to be unplugged.

Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. Off!

Dad worked on American

bases during the w*r,

and the army safety films had

b*rned themselves into his brain.

Plug in that Christmas tree, and whammo!

This GI's Christmas

has gone up in smoke!

For crying out loud!

Sorry, sorry!

Better make sure that door's locked.

Oh, for frig's sake!

Locked Unlocked

Locked Unlocked

Locked Unlocked

Mike, honey, get your arse in gear.

The cab'll be here soon!

Normally there was no privacy at all

in our little house, but this

night was a perfect storm.

My brother was working the night shift

at the radio station,

Pop would be asleep by 7,

and my folks were celebrating

their 20th anniversary

by going somewhere they'd never been

Out!

I don't know, Mary. Freezing rain.

It's gettin' pretty greasy out.

Well, that's why we're taking a cab!

That and I plan on

having two fuzzy navels.

Oh, a night out!

I don't care if it's spitting lava.

I'm having fun!

Mark!

You and Ritchie enjoy your

movie and behave yourselves.

Sure, Mom.

Can't wait.

We pooled our money to rent a VCR!

With no one watching us, we

could watch what we wanted.

Porky's.

The Citizen Kane of teen sex comedies.

Ritchie "borrowed" his dad's copy.

Uh, I don't know, Ritchie.

It's rated R.

That means we need parental guidance.

This thing is supposed to be filthy!

You want to see boobies

with your parents at home?

I was getting cold feet,

but Ritchie was boiling over.

Gross! No!

This is supposed to be the

biggest film in Canadian history.

I'm strictly interested

in the comedic elements.

It's research.

Sure. Okay.

You close your eyes when

there's boobies, then.

Let's not get carried away.

Hell of a bad night.

Hey, look at the wires on that thing!

My God, you're gonna blow a fuse!

A storm warning tonight

across the province,

as extreme weather is

expected to continue.

Power lines are already

This could be the worst

ice storm we've ever seen.

Pssht, I've seen worse

storms in a snow globe!

High winds, black ice,

freezing rain, and poor visibility.

The RNC are encouraging

drivers to stay where you're to.

Mary

I think we should stay home out of it.

This is a death trap.

I'm not staying home

on our 20th anniversary!

People on death row

gets out more than I do!

Uh, she has a point, Dad.

It's Ponderosa!

Twenty years of marriage is a long time,

but I hear the salad bar is endless!

What's a little freezin' rain?

The boy's right, you

know? This is nothing.

I mean, when I was his age, we

didn't even have electricity.

I had to use an outhouse!

Oh no, once it was so cold,

I went out to have a pee and it froze.

I had to break it off midstream!

Kiwanis Club bingo night is cancelled.

The Bonavista Sunday

Stitch & Bitch is cancelled.

It's bad out there, folks!

Since when do you listen to d*ck Dunphy?

I think it's clearing up.

Mary

I just saw the light and

power boys go up the road.

They'll have the lights back

on by the time we gets there.

- Mary

- I know.

I'm never gonna see the inside

of that packin' Ponderosa.

And I'd never see the

outside of Kim Cattrall.

They couldn't stay!

Did you give up on 20 years of marriage

when things got tough?

Queen-size-cut prime rib dinner

with all-you-can-eat

salad bar and baked potato,

all for $5.39?

The only ice you

should be worrying about

is the ice in your Dr. Peppers!

Yeah!

The Avalon mall is closed.

Jade Gardens is closed.

And the Ponderosa has closed.

The magic wok has closed

Aw, frig.

I'm just really sorry for you.

Good God!

Dead air!

I gotta get up to the station, Mary.

They're gonna need all

hands on deck for this one.

Happy friggin' anniversary.

In Newfoundland, we

put salt on everything.

Fish, potatoes

Augh!

And the steps.

Mary! You didn't salt!

Mike!

Ah, I packed my back!

Abort mission! Unplug the VCR!

Um, is it the red

wire or the white wire?

No time! Just pull them all!

Just all of them!

Okay.

Aah, my back!

Oh God, my back!

- Watch out.

- Augh!

Are you okay, Dad?

All right, nice and easy.

Easy, easy.

Augh, God!

Augh!

Even your back goes out more than I do.

Look, if you're not going

to the Ponderosa, then

What are we gonna do for supper?

Oh, jeez.

Hello? It's young Mike.

The station! Give it, give it, give it!

Come on, will ya?

Hello?

The weight of the ice

toppled the power line, Mike.

She's gone.

Yeah, so's my back. I can't come up.

So, what do we do?

All right, listen carefully, d*ck!

You gotta go out to the

generator, all right?

There's a big yellow box.

Pull the lever inside and

the generator will kick in.

- Right on, Mike.

- Thanks, Dad.

I can get the generator

going, but she's old.

I'll have to stay up there

and keep an eye on her.

You'll have to go on the air by yourself

till the road's clear enough

to get someone else in.

But that could be all night!

You got the gift of the

gab from your old man

And your mudder.

After 20 friggin' years you'd

think I'd get one night off

for good behaviour.

I guess we could watch the

movie that the boys got.

No!

Oh.

Aw, Porky's.

The little pig with the stutter, sin.

I could use a laugh.

How do you turn it on?

Uh, actually it won't work.

'Cause of the storm, you know?

Yeah.

Oh, the doohickeys are out.

There.

Hm! See?

When did you start work at Radio Shack?

The FBI? Is this even legal?

I never needed therapy

because I already know where

all my problems come from:

Watching Porky's with my parents!

Oh

What did I miss?

A black out

Right before I would have blacked out!

The damned thing blew a fuse!

I'll get it.

Dah aaaugh! My back!

I prayed the lights never came back.

Come on, open! Open up!

Hello?

Oh It's Alice.

She says the power's

out all over the city.

That damn thing blew the

power for the whole city?

No! It's because of the ice storm,

you stunned arse!

The tape's stuck inside!

We need to get it out before

the lights come back on!

We can't without power!

No!

You'll ruin my dad's tape!

My dad will ruin us

if he sees a b-o-o-b!

Okay, I have an idea.

Get me a butter Kn*fe.

Okay.

Okay, go.

It's gonna get cold, so

you better bundle up, hm?

Okay.

Come on, boys.

This is nothing!

You know, before he

led Peary to the Pole,

Captain Bob Bartlett and I

used to take the dog sleds

way up north just to relax!

Yeah.

Of course when it got

really, really cold,

the dogs d*ed.

Imagine being so desperate for survival

that you eat your best friend.

First you lose your fingers

Then you lose your toes

Then finally your mind.

Ooh

Pineapple crush?

Hm?

Uh, hello!

This is Mike Critch.

Not my dad, Mike Critch.

He's not with us.

The other Mike Critch, his son.

Me.

Um

Do you have power where you are?

Call in and let me know.

Come on

It's so dark!

I'm froze to death! I can't

VOCM's back on!

It'll all be over soon, ma'am.

I bet you've survived worse than this.

Where the hell is d*ck?

It's a major news story,

he's got a child on the air!

I was a little girl then

- Aw!

- But I remembers!

You know what they say

about the weather in Newfoundland?

If you don't like the

weather, just wait a minute!

Oh, Mike, our son's on the radio!

Good God, he should be

interviewing the mayor,

not some old bat!

I gotta get over there.

Ah, geez.

My pop says, tea is the

remedy to anything, huh?

I'm scared I'm gonna fall,

and I'm all alone.

Where you at, ma'am?

31 Gower Street.

Okay, if anyone's listening

around Gower Street,

and you've got spare

blankets or a kerosene heater

and you can get there, we

could really use your help.

Oh, bless your heart!

So sorry to hear your

father is no longer with us.

Oh! No, no, no, he's just

Mike Critch Junior

He's up there making an arse of it.

- I gotta get up there.

- Absolutely not!

The phone lines are full right now

Mary!

You boys are freezing.

Where are your blankets?

Where is that kerosene heater?

What are you doing?

Uh, nothing!

Just playing with knives!

Ritchie wasn't the

sharpest Kn*fe in the VCR.

Uh

It's so rare to have

the family all together,

with no TV to distract us.

This is quality time.

You know, we should be

swapping stories, trading tales,

getting to know each other better!

Well, sure, I know you,

but do I know-know you?

Well, for instance, Dad,

what's your favourite colour?

I dunno.

Plaid.

Ask your mudder.

He's right.

Why be alone on our 20th anniversary

when we can be with family?

And Ritchie.

All right, what do you wanna know?

Well is this the

coldest you've ever been?

Good God, no.

This is nothing compared to Greenland.

Greenland?

Oh, when were you in Greenland?

Oh, years ago.

Before I met you. With the Yanks.

You guys don't really want to hear

a bunch of old boring stories

from 30 years ago, do you?

I do!

Well, I worked on some

American bases after the w*r.

Nothing special, just some

Office administration.

I'm not supposed to

say, but what the hell.

It was a long time ago now.

In the 60's, I worked at a secret base

under the polar ice cap in Greenland.

Project Ice Worm, they called it.

We had 600 nukes stored there.

You know, in case of a w*r with Russia.

You don't know cold until

you've experienced Cold w*r cold.

Anyway, my point is, it was freezing.

You were basically a

henchman in a bond movie!

Mike.

Twenty years of marriage,

and you never told me that!

Nukes!

Cool!

No.

That's not the important part.

The interesting thing

is, it was bitterly cold.

I thought I knew

everything about my father.

But I realized I

didn't know much at all.

What else?

You don't really want to hear

all this old stuff, do ya?

Yes! Please.

All right.

Well, there was this

one time, I got the call.

Yes, sir.

Red alert.

A Russian plane had

wandered into our airspace,

and for the first time

ever, it was all systems go!

Lord almighty!

Oh, it's sweltering in here!

I found these popsicles in the freezer.

You better eat 'em before they melt,

which won't be long in this heat!

Mmm, mm-hm.

Line 2, you're on the air!

The missus just went into labour

and the ambulance can't get up the road!

Where're you at, sir?

- Downing Street!

- Okay!

Uh, if you can get to Downing

Street, we need shovels!

Honey, my contractions!

Cold?

You can't even see your breath in here.

I mean, you crowd, you're so soft.

The great sealing disaster of 1914.

Now, that was cold.

Men d*ed hugging each other for warmth.

They froze like that.

Should have seen them!

Being lowered from the deck

of their ship like statues.

Mark if we die,

you're not gonna let

him eat me, will you?

Don't let him distract you!

Think about Porky's. Stay warm that way.

And get that tape out!

Okay.

This isn't working!

I think I need something smaller.

Oh.

I know. A popsicle stick!

Popsicle stick

Pop, you took the heater!

It's a million degrees in here!

Close the door, b'y!

You're letting all the heat out!

Pop was living like

a rotisserie chicken.

Pop! You're hogging all the heat!

You know, Bob Barlett

made over 40 expeditions

to the arctic, and he

d*ed warm in his bed.

Do you know how he did that?

How?

Because when the crap hit the fan,

he knew it was every man for himself.

I was too cold to argue.

I can feel my nose again!

d*ck Dunphy, if you can hear me

Aah!

I could really use a

pee, so get back when you can.

Mike Critch Jr., keeping

you company in the dark!

Keep callin' in, folks.

You're really the only way I know

if anyone out there is listening!

You look like a beached whale.

I've gotta get to the station.

It's devolved into chaos!

If anyone spots a white tabby

in the East End, her

name is Kat with a K.

Sounds like Mike's

handling it just fine.

But I gotta

You know, every year on our anniversary,

you have to work.

And I say, "that's okay.

It's just our 18th."

Or, "that's fine. It's only our 19th."

Well, now it's our 20th

friggin' anniversary,

and the only thing

that gets your attention

is that packin' radio!

Mary?

Mary!

Okay, what else? Um

Oh, Bell Island ferries

are tied up for the night.

It took a blackout to make Dad

finally see the light.

Next caller, you're on!

This is the mayor calling.

Mr. Mayor! Hello, sir!

Wha what can I do for you?

Firstly, I want to thank

you and everyone at VOCM.

You're the only station

still on the air.

We are?

And condolences on the

loss of your father.

Big shoes to fill.

Oh, no, here's the thing. He's not

And that was an exclusive

update from Mayor Murphy

on the only station still on the air.

So I guess

We're number one!

This is Mike Critch for

the VOCM News Service.

Junior!

Mike Critch, Junior.

Pop? Would you like a candle?

You shaggers!

Hey, don't tell Mike

and come and join us.

Pick it up.

- Boys, pick it up!

- Mom!

- Move!

- Okay, okay, okay.

Never in my life have

I seen such selfish,

greedy buggers as you lot!

What the frig are you doing there?

Happy 20th anniversary, Mary.

There's nobody I'd

rather be trapped with.

Did you crawl all that way to do this?

Oh

Don't blow it out!

Argh, it's freezing in here!

Come here.

Remember what Captain Bob Bartlett said:

It's important to share bodily heat.

Didn't he say it was

every man for himself?

- Did he?

- Yeah.

I don't remember that.

But my brain is frozen.

Here.

Oh, good.

I'm so sorry your

anniversary got ruined, Mom.

You know, there's no better

way for me to spend it.

Just me and my family.

And Ritchie.

Yes!

Oh, nice.

It's nice to be included.

I had started asking questions to stall,

but now I was asking

questions to listen.

Mom, when did you two meet?

Well, that was a long, long time ago.

I had just gotten my first apartment.

And so, the fella who

used to live there,

he showed up at my door

and he wanted his mail.

So we got to talking, and

I gave him his letters,

and then he came back the next week.

And the week after that.

Eventually he asked me out to lunch.

I kept mailing myself

letters so I'd have an excuse

to talk to the gorgeous

girl in apartment 5.

You never told me that!

Well He's good at keeping secrets.

I mean, after all, he

was basically a spy.

Telling secrets, sharing stories

connecting with the people in your life

can make the dark times seem brighter.

- The power's back!

- Hallelujah!

Turn the bloody heat up!

Hey!

Oh, thank God!

You're back in one piece, my radio star!

I didn't really do all that much.

I just let everyone else do the talking.

Ah, the most important part

of reporting isn't talking.

It's listening.

Oh, that reminds me: The news!

The best movies I'd ever seen

lived in my family's memories.

Who needed Porky's when you

had stories about Bob Bartlett,

secret bases, and romance?

You know, there's a part

of me that almost wishes

that the power would go back out.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, sweet! You guys got Porky's!

- No, don't!

- No!

Oh no, that's just some

old cartoon the kids got.

Good God, is that a boob?