I know
these types of stories
usually open on a giant book
that says "Once upon a time..."
But this is a story
about me, Lia.
And, well, tea.
Oh, no. Not that kind.
Mmm. That's better.
Growing up in Townsville,
Richard and I would listen to
my grandma, Popo,
talk about tea for hours.
Who's Richard?
He was my best friend
who turned into
my first letdown.
Anyway, Popo was my
favourite person in the world.
When she passed,
she left me the money to open
a tea shop in Sydney...
...as far away from my old life
as I could go.
I named the shop after Popo,
and everything
was going to be perfect.
Making a good cup of tea
is like a beautiful ballet.
When all the elements meet...
It's the closest thing
you can get... to magic.
So you don't have bubble tea.
- Get out.
- What?
- Now.
- Oh!
I've been saying
you need bubble tea.
It is not that kind of shop.
We are an artisanal tea shop
that specialises in
authentic, handcrafted
Chinese tea experiences.
- Mm-hm.
- It is a beautiful dance.
Oh.
And the bubble tea
is the Macarena.
Well, everybody loves
the Macarena, boo.
And tradition
isn't paying the bills. Look...
We've got electric.
We got your phone bill.
And we've got something
with a big red stamp on it,
which cannot be good.
But, anyway, are you ready?
Ready for what?
Our flight to Townsville
tomorrow
for your sister's
bougie engagement party.
- That's tomorrow?
- Yeah, exactly.
So, tonight, I figured we could
go out and blow off some steam.
- Oh! See!
Even your tea agrees.
Living in the city,
I've been all cooped up
Put me through the ringer,
little thing called love
Electricity,
can you feel my buzz?
Already high enough,
I don't need those dr*gs
But if you want a drink,
put it on my check
Robyn on the jukebox,
watch my step
Got nothing to prove,
but I do my best
No, I don't give a f*ck,
parlez-vous my French?
Shaking off all of
the negative emotions
Can't believe my heart was
feeling kinda broken...
Hey.
Oh, sorry.
That seat's already taken.
OK, um... No worries.
Oh, my God! Lady!
Did not even know
what it looks like anymore
when someone's interested?
That guy was totally into you,
and you just completely
ignored him just now.
Oh. Well, I had a thought
come to me.
If I don't have
a few ideas written down
for my maid of honour speech,
Alice is going to think
I don't care.
OK, so I'm guessing
you won't be taking a plus-one
to the engagement party.
No. You're my plus-one.
Oh, absolutely not, boo. No.
I'm going with you, yes.
- But I'm riding solo.
- What?
My future ex-husband
could be there.
- What?
- In Townsville?
- Yeah. In Townsville? Why not?
OK. Well, cheers,
to your future ex-husband.
Cheers. May he be rich
and near death.
It's been so long
Since I went dancing
Dancing
It's been so long
Since I felt this handsome
Handsome...
How's it going up there,
Grandma?
Alice is getting married
to the man of her dreams.
And I am just...
...drowning.
Sweet girl, you're not gonna
let us down.
Well, about that...
I've only got
one month of rent left
from the money that
you left me,
so... if you have
any suggestions...
Get electrical on me
Futuristical body
Everybody gonna want me
Rollin' up always something
Zing zing
Come and get it
Zing zing
E'body so electric
Zing zing...
OK, so, I didn't know your
hometown was so... tropical.
Mmm.
It's actually quite nice here.
Hmm, well, you haven't met
the tree from which
the apple fell yet.
I think that's our ride.
- For Lia?
- Yeah, mate, yeah.
Chuck your bags in the back.
What brings you
to Townsville?
We're here for
the run up to our wedding.
It's my sister's
engagement party.
Are you Alice's sister?
- Yeah. Do you know her?
Yeah. Everyone knows her.
She's practically
the mayor of Townsville.
Thank you so much.
- Oh, my God!
Oh, Al, this is my...
You must be Mason!
Lia has told me absolutely
nothing about you.
But, honestly,
I already feel your energy.
And I know we're going to
be like sisters!
Ohh!
Well, enchante.
Lia, you look good.
Are you doing OK?
Is that a compliment
or an accusation?
You look good, which means
you're probably not eating enough.
OK! [laughs] I like her,
and I also I like you with her.
- This is just very fun for me.
- Ooh!
Listen, today, of all days,
is the one day you do not
have to worry about me.
Instead, I get to
worry about you!
- Lia!
- Oh!
- Gilly!
- It's been such a long time.
It has!
Your mum's waiting inside.
Oh, wow. OK.
Um...
I'm just going to freshen up.
OK.
Thank you.
Oh, dear God.
- Lia.
- Hi, Mum.
So glad you could join us.
Oh.
Oh! You look nice.
Oh, yes. Thank you. Um...
The frilly look is really in
right now in Sydney.
- Thank you.
You look like one of the crew
from Pirates Of The Caribbean.
Oh, Lia, how is the shop?
Doing well.
It is?
Mm-hm. Yeah, we're
really seeing an upswing.
Yeah, we, um...
Sorry, we are.
You said two years.
Well, you said two years.
Well, it seems like you are
making something of yourself.
- Hey, kid!
- Dad!
- Mwah!
- Hi, Baba.
We are just surprised
you made it.
Oh?
You were never
here for us before.
I'm so glad
you could start now.
And you can all see...
the reason
is right in front of us.
Mum, are you sure
the fortune teller's coming?
Mrs Li will be here.
It's a Chinese tradition
to have your fortune told
- before big events...
- Like our wedding.
I've been waiting
my entire life for this.
I mean, we have, right, Nigel?
That's right, babe.
Oh, wait!
Wait for Mrs Li.
Your I-Ching horoscope.
Your wedding is February 14th?
Yes. I love love!
You should have been married
in April.
Should I switch the date?
Th... The deposit's
non-refundable.
Your ovaries are very healthy.
Very powerful flow.
Pregnant on first try.
This one is good.
Stable.
Obedient.
A lap dog of a man!
Oh. Right.
And we aren't only
here to celebrate Nigel and I,
we can celebrate
Lia's success as well.
Mm-mm. No, no, no. It's OK.
Like I said earlier,
today is all about you.
- Yes.
- Lia.
- Mm-hm?
I am very proud of you.
Mm-hm.
You're... what?
I am proud of you.
Well, we should have
another fortune told.
Oh, no, I don't think
that's necessary, Dad.
Nonsense!
Xian is right.
I'm what?
I have a bat mitzvah
I must attend.
Please hold up.
Uh...
You're right.
Success has to be recognised.
- Sweetheart, come on.
- No. I'm still eating my food!
Come, come.
I-Ching horoscope.
OK.
You said your business
was successful?
On the rise.
Mmm.
Your palm.
Um...
Your love line and career line
are tangled.
What does that mean?
Finding your soul mate will
help your business.
Which is...
...on the rise.
Cool.
And this person will be one of
the next five dates you go on.
Five dates?
Wh...? Oh, my God. What?
What about five dates?
You will find a soulmate.
And it has to be
before the wedding.
That's less
than two months away!
That was dumb.
That was perfect.
Let me catch my breath
Let me catch my breath
Let me catch my
OK
Please...
Lia, just make sure
not to pick some dud.
I don't pick duds.
Why is everyone laughing?
Lia, since I've known you,
you haven't even picked a dud.
I mean, you literally
haven't picked anyone.
You need someone adventurous!
No, what she needs
is someone who is loyal
- and is going to appreciate her!
- Oh.
You know what? Stop.
Everyone, just stop.
I don't even
believe in fortune tellers.
They just make things up
and hope it comes true.
- But now we have a plan!
- What plan?
Well, we each pick
one date for you.
What?
I already have
the perfect man in mind.
You know, look, just focus
on the success of your shop.
Leave everything to us.
I have a $50 bet on my date.
Dad, I'm not some slot machine.
Lia!
Don't say 'slut'.
Look, your love line and career
line are intertwined.
So when you find your husband,
you will be
even more successful
than you already are.
Oh, are you?
Great. Yeah, good!
Oh, my gosh, Lia,
do you remember Ezra
from Mum's Chinese school?
- He is now a teacher!
- Oh!
Uh, yeah.
Your mum couldn't
get rid of me.
Michael here
is a restauranteur!
Well, assistant manager
at Hungry Jacks,
Townsville West, so...
So, Michael,
what's your
Hungry Jack's discount?
30% off when I'm working.
20% off when I'm not working.
But, you know, always working.
Hey, you want to dance?
- Oh, I'm a grinder.
- Oh, no, I don't dance.
- Never, ever.
- There's a reason for it.
That's cool. That's cool.
You just let me know
if you want to hook up later.
Oh.
You should go.
You know what?
This party is full of
actual Townies
and people I haven't seen
since high school.
- Yeah...
- My soulmate is not here.
Look, dating is just
a numbers game, you know?
And your number
happens to be five.
- Five... That's a lot.
- Mm-hm.
Oh, damn.
Ship ahoy. Oh, my...
- You know what?
You should go
chase the Pink Panther.
Wait! Oh, my God.
Is that Lia?
- Lia?
Lia Ling!
Hey! Mimi!
- It's Mimi and Cici!
- Oh, Mimi and Cici!
- Oh, God, yes.
- Do you know what?
You moving to Sydney
was so brave.
It's really not
that incredible.
- It really is.
- Oh.
Oh, I think I'm gonna...
- I'm gonna vomit.
- Oh! Oh, my God!
- Sorry. Oh! Sorry.
- Careful. Watch yours...
Richard.
Oh, should I say Duckie?
And,
"Why, am I Mr Pink?"
Oh, thank God. Someone gets it.
Yes!
- Oh. Yeah.
- Um...
- Um...
- Go.
- Um...
It's been a while.
Yeah.
- On the house.
- Thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
It's good to see you.
Mm-hm.
I'm going to go find my friend.
He's here and alone
and really shy.
Is that him?
Looks like your friend's
having a great time.
Mm-hm. Yep.
OK. Well, thank you
for the drink.
Hey, careful.
Sorry.
Oh, no, no. It's OK.
I'm glad I'm on this side
of the pool now.
Thank you.
Still afraid of the water, huh?
Mmm. If we we're meant to be
in the water, we'd have gills.
- Hey...
- Mm-hm?
Jenga?
Bold move.
As I always do.
Boringly cautious.
Some would say risk-averse.
You've changed.
Have I?
Different.
But the same.
Everything's really good,
by the way.
You know, we're thinking of
opening a third location...
...for the family restaurant.
We're thinking...
Sydney.
Oh!
Jenga.
Is it really a win, though,
if you never even
took a chance?
The rules are the rules.
So who invited you?
Alice didn't tell you?
Look at you two!
The maid of honour,
and the best man.
Best man?
Did you not read my 20-page
wedding handbook I sent you?
Oh, uh...
Yes. I skimmed it.
It said if you had
any questions,
comments or concerns,
please let me know.
- We're good.
- Good!
OK. I'm going to go find
my Pink Lady friend.
Thank you.
You know what? Yeah.
De, watch out!
The depth of hula groove
moves us to the n-th hoop
We're gonna groove to
Horton Hears a Who-who
I couldn't ask
for another...
Ohh!
No, I couldn't
ask for another
DJ Soul
Was on a roll
I've been told
he can't be sold
He's not vicious,
or malicious
Just de-lovely
and delicious
I couldn't ask for another...
Oh my God! Yeah.
OK... I'm on the ground.
I'm on the ground!
...of hula groove
moves us to the n-th hoop
We're gonna groove to
Horton Hears a Who-who...
Ugh...
Mmm!
Oh, sh*t.
Ugh.
- Oh, my God!
- Ah! Ah!
Oh. Oh, God.
OK.
- Oh.
- I'm fine.
You weren't heavy.
Did we...?
Oh. Oh, God, no.
- No. OK, good.
- No, no, no.
How, uh, did I...?
Your Pink Lady friend Mason
tried to take you home,
but you insisted
you shut down the club
'cause you're a party animal.
- Mm-hm.
- Anyway...
Your phone was dead.
I don't know where you belong.
- Mm-hm.
- So I just slept on the floor.
Are you staring at my body?
No.
Don't flatter yourself.
It was a lot quieter
here in Townsville without you.
I'm glad you're k*lling it.
And I'm sure your grandma
would be proud of you.
Probably a big-city date
to the wedding.
But, you know,
in case he can't make it,
I'll see you
at the lonely hearts table.
Actually, I have a date.
S... So there is someone.
Uh-huh. You'll... meet him...
You'll meet him at the wedding.
Oh, maybe I'll meet him
in Sydney
for the suit fittings.
Suit fittings?
Page 9 in Alice's
wedding manual.
Right? Yes. Of course.
Page 9, suit fittings.
- Oh, God, Mason.
OK, so Townsville actually has
a lot of cute brunch plates.
Not important.
Mason, I need your help.
Oh, do we need to go into town
to get a little pill?
I did not sleep with Richard.
OK. And I believe you.
But do we need to go?
If I come back here
for Alice's wedding
with no date
and a failed tea shop,
I will never
hear the end of it.
- Mm-hm.
- So...
I have five blind dates
to go on.
Great!
Hey, so you didn't do
any over-the-pants stuff?
No, Mason! That is disgusting.
What? OK.
Alright, I'm ready.
OK.
Cares about others...
Oh, you read my mind.
Very good hair. OK, fine.
Must like tea.
Oh. Good.
Two. Three. Four.
Wow.
So cute!
Let me give you
a gay-bestie makeover.
Mm-mm. I'm going as me.
- Hello?
Mason, I need you
to pick me up.
I think my dad set me up
to have my organs harvested.
Wait! Stay by your phone.
Kidding!
You got my voicemail, boo.
- Just leave a message.
- Dammit.
- Hello?
Hey.
Hey, if I die,
play Dami Im at my funeral.
Also, delete my browser history
and clean out
my top dresser drawer.
Kidding!
You got my voicemail, boo.
How do I keep falling for that?
Hi. Is...
I can't let you in.
- What?
- We have a dress code.
I'm dressed.
To work at Cotton On?
Oh. OK.
Um, well, I had a date
with an Apollo Wang.
Can you just tell him
I couldn't make it?
You have a date
with Apollo Wang?
Mm-hm.
- LBD, stat.
I think
she's a preschool teacher.
- Wow...
Oh.
You found me.
Apollo?
Please.
I heard you like tea.
So I had them create
a special cocktail
infused with the latest harvest
of original da hong pao.
Da hong pao?
Mm-hm.
Holy moly!
- This is...
- Captivating?
Enticing?
Heart-stopping?
Mm-hm.
Perfect way to settle
any blind-date nerves.
Of course. Yes. Dates can feel
somewhat transactional.
- Much like a business.
- Yes.
Speaking of business,
do you have any plans
on Valentine's Day?
Love a woman who's direct
and knows what she wants.
I have that in spades.
So you don't think
a February wedding is too soon?
There's no point in waiting,
is there?
Fantastic!
Well, it seems like
we're on the same page.
You'll be my date to
my sister's wedding?
You'll be my Australian wife.
- Wait, what?
- Hmm? N...
Do you need
a permanent residency?
No! No, no, no. Y...
We matched on Daya, right?
The bougie dating app
for rich snobs?
There are other dating apps?
L... Look, it doesn't matter.
You said you were looking
for a certain arrangement.
Yes.
I already put an offer in
on a very splendid property
in Vaucluse.
That is to be our ostensible
primary residence.
And meanwhile,
my partners will be
living across the harbour.
Uh... I'm sorry.
Why should it matter where
your business partners live?
Not my business partners, Lia.
My life partners.
I'm sorry.
I feel like I missed a step.
It is customary
for a Chinese businessman
to have a mistress,
or a mister,
or both.
Oh.
You did say
you were non-traditional.
Ooh...
I meant taking a stranger
to my sister's wedding.
We can still fold this
into the original plan.
Let me show you what I mean.
Now, if you'd
rather be closer to the action,
we could have this as
our secondary city residence.
I'd want you to feel quite at
home in our little backwater.
I couldn't imagine waking up
to this every morning.
Come.
You will be
my front-facing wife.
You'll accompany me to
business meetings
and quarterly visits
to see my parents in China.
And in return,
I'll give you an allowance
and the freedom
to do with it what you will.
Wow. OK.
Just out of curiosity,
how much is the allowance?
Actually, no,
that wouldn't be right.
What it wouldn't be right?
I can support myself.
I own a tea shop.
Oh, adorable.
Please help yourself.
Oh.
Thank you.
In six months, we'll begin
trying for children.
Feel free to
keep running your tea shop.
Three sons, minimum.
Um...
Have you never met someone
that you wanted to
settle down with?
Like, solo?
Well, I believe that there's
more than one soulmate
out there for everybody.
That is something that
we, collectively,
can explore together.
Even if
we don't love each other?
Well, love fades.
Investments are forever,
and investments
should be diversified.
Hmm.
Theoretically...
...it might be something
that would work well for me.
But...?
But...
...maybe there's
more tradition in me
than I thought.
Disappointing.
But, if you still need a date
to your sister's wedding,
give me a call and I'll
fly the private jet out.
Feel free to stay for dessert.
But I do have another candidate
coming in a half... hour.
Oh.
- What's for dessert?
- Literally anything.
Locked and loaded
on the first date.
I told you I nailed it.
Come on.
You didn't even
thumbtack it, Dad.
He's exactly the guy you need!
The only heir
to a multibillion-dollar
tech company.
And you'd give him
what he wants.
Uh-huh. What is that?
Freedom.
- Hold on.
Alice is calling me.
I got to go.
Love you! Mwah, mwah, mwah!
K, bye.
- Hello, Alice.
- How's my gorgeous big sister?
What do you need?
I just wanted to see
how your date went.
How did Dad do?
Yeah, it was fine.
Uh, it was very
Crazy Rich Asians...
Look, I want to check
on the bonbonnieres.
The what?
Page 12 of the wedding manual.
Oh, yes, of course.
It's only 120 people.
120 people?
That could be, like,
hundreds of dollars.
Thank you!
You're the best!
- Oh, my...
- Hi. Would you like a sample?
- Sorry.
- Hi. Would you like some tea?
- No, thank you.
Have a good day.
- Well?
- You're right.
- I know I am.
About what?
If there's even a chance
that finding my soulmate
will save the shop,
I need to take it seriously.
So...?
I need you to fix me up.
Yes!
Oh, thank God. Gay Jesus
has answered my prayers.
All eyes on me
Whoo!
Are you looking at me?
Yeah, all eyes on me
Whoo!
Do you like what you see?
Whoo!
All eyes on me, hah!
What you looking at, me?
Whoo!
Oh, you like what you see
Ah!
I know you like what you see
Hah!
Yeah, you like what you see
Ow!
All eyes on me
Hah!
All eyes on me
Whoo!
I'm turning heads
I'm turning heads
What are you looking at?
Uh!
G-g-g-go
Whoo!
And you're looking at me?
Yeah!
All eyes on me
Whoo!
Do you like what you see?
Whoo!
All eyes on me
Hah!
What you looking at, me?
Whoo!
And you like what you see?
Ah!
I know you like what you see
Hah!
Yeah, you like what you see
Ow!
All eyes on me
Hah!
All eyes on me
Whoo!
I'm turning heads
I'm turning heads
I'm turning heads
We make it move
Hah! What you looking at, me?
Whoo!
Oh, you like what you see?
Ah!
I know you like what you see
Hah!
Yeah, you like what you see
Ow!
All eyes on me
Hah!
All eyes on me
Damn
Lia?
Ezra! What are you doing here?
Oh! What are you doing here?
I'm just waiting
for a date, actually.
Ah. Um...
I believe I am that date.
Is that OK?
Uh-huh.
Did my mum send you here
to lure me back to Townsville?
I hope
she didn't use me as bait.
Although,
I do love fly fishing.
You're like a 50-year-old man
in a 30-year-old body.
Mmm. What can I say?
I like old things.
Something comforting
about traditional.
I feel the exact same way.
Have you foraged before?
Try this.
Let me know what you think.
Mmm.
Buzzy on the nose.
Kind of like
an early morning swim.
Mm-hm.
But then mellow on the back.
- Mmm. Yeah.
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
Ooh! Those are my favourite.
It's a de-stressor.
- Here. You have to try it.
- OK.
It's apparently really good
for brain function,
anti-swelling.
Kind of tastes like, uh...
- A bit like dirt, right?
- Yeah.
I wasn't going to say it.
- Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry.
This has turned into
a work trip.
- That's so embarrassing.
- Um...
What did you say
this was, again?
- Ashwagandha.
- Mmm.
It's commonly used
in Asia, Africa,
and part of
the nightshade family.
Uh, what was
that last part you said?
- A nightshade?
- Oh.
I thought nightshades were only
potatoes, tomatoes and...
...capsicums.
Yes, but ashwagandha
also bears wild cherries.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I'm actually quite allergic.
- Oh. Oh, my gosh.
- Can I help?
Oh! Oh, my gosh!
No! Agh!
What is happening?
How do I help?
- A... Adrenaline.
- Oh!
- Jacket.
- The jacket! Oh!
Can you please help!
Someone help! He's allergic!
Agh!
Agh! I can't find the pen!
What does it look like?
Oh, my God.
OK, so it's pull off...
OK.
s*ab me. s*ab me!
- I don't want to hurt you.
- s*ab me!
- Where do I s*ab you?
- s*ab me!
How hard do I s*ab you?
s*ab me!
Ugh...
Whoo...
Did it work?
Ha...
I'm... I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, no, no, no, please.
This is the most excitement
I've had since, like...
Oh, yeah, since, like, ever.
That's a relief.
The cafe said
it's just an Earl Grey.
So, not to get into
anything too personal,
but your mum did say
she would love it
if you came back home
and helped her run the school.
Mmm. Of course she did.
Do you think at some point
you'd want to go back...
...be with your family?
Before my grandma passed,
she told me
to follow my dreams.
Coming here to Sydney alone...
it was one of the scariest
things I've ever done.
When my family
moved back home to Indonesia...
...I was so lonely that
I'd talk to myself.
God, that's embarrassing.
No, it isn't.
That was brave.
The move.
But the kiss also.
I...
Uh, I don't usually do this
until, like, the second date.
Some traditions
are made to be broken.
Yeah.
Mmm. Oh, Jing...
- Ooh...
- Did you...?
- Oh! Did...
- No, I didn't...
You just said my mum's name!
I didn't say anything!
- Yeah, you did.
- No, no, I said... I said...
I said, "ka-ching!"
K... Ka-ching.
- That was...
- Oh, my God!
- This entire date...
- W... What?
What? We're enjoying
ourselves, aren't we?
I thought we were, but...
...but this is
the exact same date
my mum would have
wanted to go on.
Wh...! How am I
meant to know that?
W... Besides talking to her
every day after class?
Well, and sometimes
after lunch.
Oh, and sometimes after dinner.
- Oh, my God!
- Ah...
Are you hearing yourself?
Look...
Your mother
is an incredible woman,
and so are you.
You really are a 50-year-old
in a 30-year-old body.
And you have feelings
for a 50-year-old
in a 50-year-old's body.
- OK, well...
- You know what?
No... Hey!
- So...
it was the perfect date,
but you stabbed him.
Mm-hm.
Once to save his life,
twice to end it.
Ugh.
Like I don't have
enough mummy issues.
You know me, boo.
I don't kink-shame
but straight people...
...are wild.
Mm! Mmm...
It is downright impossible
to run a business
and find a soul mate
full-time, at the same time.
That's why
people on The Bachelor
put their lives on hold
and live in a mansion
for two months.
So you're not ruling out
The Bachelor?
Ugh.
I tried to be open,
and look where it got me.
Why can't the person
I'm supposed to be with
just walk through those doors?
Oh!
- So cute.
- Eh.
Oh!
- Oh.
- Yeah!
Yay!
Thank you!
- So cute.
- It was so cute.
Richard?
How cool was that?
By the confused look
on your face,
I'm guessing you didn't read
page 12 of the manual.
"As a symbol of our union
the best man
and the maid of honour
are to provide bonbonnieres
together.
Together?
Together, of course. Yes.
Uh, I just didn't
read the fine print.
Wow.
I... pictured it differently.
Oh, yeah.
We just finished
the morning rush,
and usually there's a lull
for about an hour.
Or three, or four.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Let me guess.
Tea from Chaozhou?
How did you know?
Lia, it's your grandma's tea.
How could I forget?
OK, I'm just going to check
the inventory in the back.
So are you going to tell me
who you're taking to the wedding?
Actually, you know what? I could
start with the inventory out here.
No, you can start with
the inventory in the back.
I actually have a few options.
I'm just deciding between them.
Look at us.
Just like old times.
Let's just get this done,
please!
Right.
Well, I was thinking
candles with their initials
so that people can light them
up halfway through the night.
Hmm. So that Nigel's drunk dad
can also burn down
the entire venue.
OK, well, then,
electric lights.
So wasteful.
So, what are your ideas, genius?
Tea satchels.
There hasn't been
a single customer
since I've been in here.
Yeah, it's a really
quiet time of the day.
Ha!
Could you afford to
provide tea
for that many people?
You know what?
I can finish these later,
and we can just ask Alice
what she wants.
Wait, Alice specifically said
that she wanted the best man
and maid of honour
- to do the bonbonnieres.
- Yes, well...
You don't know my sister
like I do.
No, I don't. But she said...
Yeah, well, sometimes what
she says is not what she means.
I guess that
runs in the family.
What is that supposed to mean?
You know what?
Forget it. Um...
Thanks for the tea.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Ooh!
OK.
Starting to see now
why things didn't work out
with Mr Hottie and you.
Because he's an arsehole.
No, it's because
you're the same person.
Well, lucky for me,
there are plenty of fish
in the sea...
to see.
Well, you've caught me
right on time
So for now
let's enjoy the sunshine...
Whoo!
Spa splash day!
Ooh! I can't wait!
- I'm so excited.
- Lia!
- Ah!
- Oh.
Hey, Richard.
Hey.
Oh, Lia, this is Rosie.
Uh, she's...
- His date.
Well, Rosie's actually part of
the bridal party,
and she's Nigel's cousin.
But we thought
since we're coming together,
we might as well
be a date, right?
- Oh, great.
Lia!
Oh, let's head down.
The waves are gorgeous.
Oh, my God!
And there's Curtis,
who could be your partner
to the wedding
if you play your cards right.
- Heyo!
- Curtis!
Oh, Alice Ling!
- Oh!
- Oh, my gosh.
It's so lovely
to see you again.
Yes. Oh!
Um, Lia, this is Curtis.
Curtis, this is my sister, Lia,
who I've told you
so much about.
Lia, you are even more
beautiful in person
than Alice described.
Oh! Thank you.
It was kind of wild.
This is Curtis, everyone!
We met him in Cairns
at a meditation retreat.
He helped us all find
an intense spiritual resonance.
Hey, big guy!
Um, Richard.
Nice to meet you.
Huh. Touchy guy, huh?
Well, to be open
is to move without hesitation.
So, Alice tells me
you can be a little timid
in the water.
I... I don't mind dipping
a toe or two in the water.
Well, if you're anything
like your sister,
I know we'll have
a deep soul connection.
Oh.
Richard, can you,
uh, get my back?
Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, of course.
Curtis?
Oh!
Ooh! Oh, my gosh.
- Crap! I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.
It's exactly
where it's supposed to be.
Help shield this mortal coil
from the rays
of this dying star.
Oh, yes. Of course.
Uh... Um...
Uh, just get that all over.
OK. Uh, I finished.
Thanks.
Let that breeze kiss your skin.
Let your shoulders relax.
Our bodies
and our minds are linked.
If your body is tense,
your mind isn't at ease.
Feel the blood pulse
to your fingertips,
to your toes,
every region of your body.
Do you trust me?
- Uh...
Yes.
We all live
on the precipice of fear.
But beyond
the confines of that fear
lies an endless world
of possibility, of fulfilment.
- You just have to embrace it.
- You've got this.
- There you go.
OK.
- OK.
OK.
Ooh!
If you can't move past
the roadblocks in your mind,
then those mental roadblocks
become physical roadblocks.
- OK?
- OK. OK.
- I did it!
I'm so proud of you!
Well, I hope
you had a nice day.
Looks like your date
with Curtis went well.
- It did, didn't it?
- Hmm.
So all it takes
to win over Lia Ling is
a steady hand
and an impeccable jawline.
Are you jealous?
Why would I be jealous
of a 7-foot-tall
bronze meatball?
I thought you'd be happy
for me.
I can be happy for you
and not agree with you
at the same time.
Wow.
The more things change,
the more things stay the same.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, I was having
a great day today.
I relaxed for the first time
in, possibly, my entire life.
And now, here we are,
going at it.
You're the one
making this a thing.
Me? I...
You haven't even seen me
make the thing a thing.
What...? Sorry.
What thing is this?
The thing is, Rosie,
we made a promise together
to move to Sydney
to start a tea shop.
But he pulled out
at the last second.
- He what, now?
- So it's all my fault now?
I sure as hell wasn't the one
that broke out pact.
You know what? I forgot.
The whole world only
revolves around Lia's dreams.
We made a promise together.
We made a promise
when we were 15 years old.
It was a fantasy,
and one of us had to grow up.
My parents needed me
to run the restaurant.
What, are you trying to say that my
family didn't give a sh*t about me?
No, you didn't give a sh*t
about your family!
- Stop the car.
- Lia...
- Stop the g*dd*mn car!
Lia. Lia!
Actually, right here
is fine for me too.
Rosie...
Forgot my bag.
Mmm!
Ohh...
Oh!
Oh! I love it.
You look beautiful.
Well, for once,
we absolutely agree.
You are not even supposed
to be here.
Hey, I'm paying, I'm staying.
OK, let me try the other one.
We need to see them
side-by-side.
Lia, put on the other dress.
Well, isn't a bad luck?
Marriage is bad luck
in general.
No offence.
Why don't we just take a photo,
and just compare...
on the phone?
Or I can try it on.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
Oh!
Lia!
Oh, my gosh! Oh...
Oh!
Oh, I literally can't choose!
To think both of my daughters
will be married in a year.
What did you think of Curtis?
Curtis was...
an experience,
...but I don't know
if he's the one.
What do you mean?
He was, like John the Baptist
getting you into the water.
Honestly, Lia,
I feel sorry for the men.
And are you even trying?
Look, I think Ezra would
make a wonderful husband.
Yes, someone's husband.
She doesn't need a bookworm.
I tell you what, she needs...
- A piggybank? Hmm?
- What?
You think I did not hear
who you set her up with?
- It's business.
- No!
Lia needs someone simple.
I think I just need to not...
She needs someone who can
take responsibility seriously.
So you don't think
Apollo's money is serious?
No!
I'm not just something
to be given away.
Inside voices, please!
Alice, this is a joke.
Apollo doesn't even
believe in love.
But that's the point!
Curtis is more dolphin
than man.
You love dolphins!
- Oh, newsflash, mum!
- Hmm?
Ezra's in love with you.
- What did you say?
- What did she say?
- You heard me.
You all think you know
what's best for me
when you don't even know
what's best for yourselves.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
- Mmm!
- Oh!
Don't.
You know what?
You're probably right.
I am going to be alone forever.
Never going to find love.
Tea shop's going to close.
What do you mean that
the shop is going to close?
I...
You said the shop
was doing well.
You lied
about the shop?
I knew it wasn't
going to work out.
Now you've wasted
all of Popo's money.
Well, at least my life
isn't some fake pink fantasy
like yours.
You think you're better than me
because you left Townsville.
I thought Lia's going to
move to Sydney and grow up.
But no. Still selfish, alone
and absolutely tragic.
I'll show you tragic!
- Oh!
- Oh!
Shame on you both.
Shame on you too, Mother.
All you've ever taught us
is how to be
scared of being happy.
You know what? Dad should have
left us years ago.
Then our lives wouldn't
have been so miserable.
And I could actually learn how
to date like a normal person.
I didn't mean that, Mum.
Dad...
You've gone too far.
Don't bother
coming to the wedding.
Alice!
I don't want you
as my maid of honour.
Wishing you prosperity!
Hey, boo.
How was the dress fitting?
Did you have a good time?
Um...
So I guess now would be
a bad time to discuss payroll?
Hey, do you guys do bubble tea?
We are an artisanal tea shop
that specialises in
authentic, handcrafted
Chinese tea experiences.
Hold up. So I just walked
into this tea shop, right?
And this old woman's like,
we don't do any bubble tea.
Can I get a takeaway
iced green tea?
We don't do takeaway.
Seriously?
You don't do takeaway?
How are guys doing business?
This shop was supposed
to be for the community,
to teach people
about my culture.
So you do do bubble tea.
Oh...
- Ah! No!
You want tea?
I'll give you tea!
There are rules to tea, OK?
It's a Venetian waltz!
It's not the chicken dance!
I am here day-in, day-out,
giving everything,
everything I have!
But you people,
all you care about
is bubble tea,
sugar packets and milk!
Milk does not belong in tea!
Do you even know
where tea comes from? Huh?
It comes from China, bitch!
I click my fingers
And skies are blue
I lean over the edge
Just to enjoy the view
I smell the flowers
Like I'm told to do
In the palm of my hand
- Slowly slipping...
Lia,
if you need help with the shop,
then tell me.
We are family.
Please come to the
Lunar New Year dinner tonight.
- Hey, baobao!
You need to call your mum
and apologise.
Just talk to her.
The wedding's only
a few days away.
- Hey, sis.
Can you call me back?
We really need to talk.
Go away!
I said go away.
It's been three days, Lia.
That's the max amount of time
best friends are allowed
to spend apart.
I didn't make the rules.
Ooh, my God, something d*ed.
Oh.
And they were buried
in your mouth.
This is disgusting.
Leave me and whatever's
in my mouth alone.
This isn't some situation
where I nurse you back to life
and charmingly
make everything better.
What are you doing here, then?
You still have two dates left,
which means two chances
to find your soulmate.
And if you're not going to
go on a date,
I'm going to bring
the date to you.
Mmm. Mm-mm.
Visiting hours are over,
my friend.
I'm not meeting anyone new.
Oh, no.
I think you've met before.
Oh, hey.
I'm Mason.
And I'm so excited to
go on a date with you, girl.
What?
No! Absolutely not.
Oh, just get dressed
and meet me on the roof!
I bought all of
your favourite things.
Oh, sticky rice pudding
with mango!
Mm-hm.
Honey lemon tea?
That's right.
- Matcha mooncakes.
- You're a mind-reader.
- Yeah.
I don't know why
it's so difficult
for a straight man
to plan the perfect day.
I mean, all you have to do
is just listen to what
your partner needs, and...
Oh, actually, now that
I'm saying that,
I can understand
the difficulty.
- I know what you're going to say.
- What?
You're just going to
tell me to suck it up,
get back out there
and find the man of my dreams.
God, no, boo.
You've got enough people
telling you that.
I'm just here to be
an open ear,
and get very drunk.
I'm exhausted.
And I'm lonely.
And I feel like
I'm letting everyone down.
Oh...
Here.
Have that.
My grandma would be
so disappointed.
Oh...
She used to hum this song
while we would wait
for the tea to bloom.
Waiting for the water
and the leaves
to finish their dance.
You know...
Life is like a dance.
Find your balance.
Follow the rhythm.
Dance however you want.
OK, what...
What was that?
I just remember
something I'd forgotten.
Oh!
Why is this the best date
so far?
Oh, sweetie.
If you want to do some
over-the-pants stuff, we...
- Mason.
- Oh, good.
- I was dreading it, too.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Life is a dance.
As long as you're enjoying
the rhythm, you can dance
whatever way you choose,
whenever you choose.
- Hmm.
- Well, Lia, it looks amazing.
I gave it a try.
Didn't I, Grandma?
- Hello?
- Lia!
Where the hell are you?
Get downstairs now.
Uh, wow!
I thought the makeover
would improve business,
but I didn't think it was
going to happen this fast.
Mm-hm. OK.
So there's good news
and there's great news.
The good news is
you have fans now.
And the great news?
The great news
is you're a meme.
- 10 million views and counting.
All you care about
is bubble tea!
Oh, you are getting
the full treatment.
They turned you into a song,
a lip-synch challenge...
T-t-t-tea!
I'll give you bubble tea!
Bubble tea! Sugar packets!
B-b-b-bubble tea!
And milk!
Oh, and the reenactments! Oh!
Bubble tea!
Sugar packets!
B-b-b-bubble tea!
And milk!
Milk does not belong in tea!
- Holy moly!
- Yeah!
That's insane.
They started calling
you Crazy Tea Lady,
but then woke TikTok
called them r*cist,
so they backed off.
We need to stop making merch,
like, yesterday.
This is a nightmare.
This is publicity.
Yeah, but I'm just a joke.
- Baby, you're a meme.
Oh, my God, there she is,
the Crazy Tea Lady!
- Are they angry?
I think excited.
Let us in!
But also maybe
a little bit angry.
So, are we opening the shop
or what?
OK, but hold on.
If they want a photo,
it's a minimum spend of $25,
- and store capacity is 30.
- We want tea!
Anything else?
- Smile and take deep breaths.
OK, people,
only 50 allowed in the store
at all times.
$60 minimum purchase
to take a selfie
with the Crazy Tea Lady.
I can call her that
because that is my best friend.
Is this tea good for anger?
As in, does it make me angrier,
like you.
Oh, well, the tea
is great for digestion.
You know, you're not
as terrible as that clip
that the whole of Australia
has seen.
Thanks.
Thank you so much.
And here's 10%
off your next purchase.
Thank you.
Everybody loves a discount.
OK, everyone, get ready
for the first demonstration.
What demonstration?
Do your tea ceremony.
- Now?
- Uh-huh.
Come for the crazy,
stay for the tea.
It's what you've
been working for.
When you meet someone in China,
they make you tea.
So tea is not just
a drink to me.
It's a safe place.
It's a hello.
Of course you can.
This is the only tea where...
Oolong.
Lia!
- I have a wedding to get to.
OK, everyone. Um...
Valentine's tea sets for two
are 20% off.
For today only.
Alice!
Alice, I'm...
I'm so sorry about your dress.
I've been so rotten.
- You were right.
I want people
to think I'm perfect
so they can't hurt me.
But it makes me so tired.
And I...
And I really...
Be quiet!
No, no, no, no.
You were right.
I'm embarrassed
that you were so much
further ahead in your life,
like I chose the wrong part
or something.
No! You're fearless.
You left and I stayed home.
I'm the failure!
Even though I'm still prettier,
it's all I have.
Also...
Thank you, Lia.
For what?
The bonbonnieres.
They're perfect.
Oh, uh...
I'm so glad you love them.
They're going to be
the best part of the wedding.
Don't cry. You're going to
make me cry.
OK.
- Let me fix your makeup.
- OK.
Where's Mum?
She stepped out.
OK.
Mum?
Mum.
Mum?
Oh. Sorry.
Whoa!
Oh!
- Oh, my God.
Oh.
I... I found my lip liner.
Thank you, Ezra.
It was in my purse
the whole time.
I'll go save us a seat, babe.
I mean, Jing.
I mean, Principal.
Uh...
Jing...
or babe...
...are just fine.
- It's good to see you, Lia.
- Yes, you too, Ez.
I just came to apologise
for lying about the shop.
Hey...
You were right.
I was?
I was so unhappy
with your father, I...
...I focused everything
on you girls.
And when you left...
Hm.
...I was jealous.
'Cause...
I knew it was absolutely
the right thing for you to do.
I had forgotten how to
pursue my own happiness.
I'm sorry.
Ma...
No, I'm sorry.
Let me just say
Ezra pursues my happiness.
Mm. Mum...
too much information.
Oh, Lia.
He is a linguist.
Oh. Oh! Oh, God.
OK.
I didn't need to know that.
No, let me tell you
what happened yesterday.
- No! Please! Shh! Shh! Shh!
- Hmm!
Thank you, Mum.
Oh, my gosh!
You made it!
Yes!
We sold out in an hour.
- What?
- Mm-hm.
I took the next flight out
and caught the last 10 minutes
of the ceremony.
- Oh!
- It was very...
pink.
- Mmm. Yes.
Well, that's exactly
what my sister wanted.
Mmm.
Oh! Thank you so much for doing
the bonbonnieres!
What? What are you
talking about?
Nothing.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Yeah, 'cause, um...
OK. Who is that
xiao long bae over there?
- Oh!
That... is someone
you would probably be
a perfect match for.
Uh... No. Are you sure?
This is your last day.
To live?
No, sweetie...
Five blind dates!
Oh, gosh. I...
Alice probably invited all
the dates here for one last go.
Oh.
It's fine.
At the stroke of midnight,
I'll be an unloved crone
forever.
Well, you know
you'll always be
my unloved crone
forever, boo.
Aw. That's sweet.
Have fun.
Not him, huh?
Nope.
- He was not the one.
- Mmm.
No.
But they're going to be
very happy together.
So, who did you choose?
No-one.
None of them felt right.
Besides, I didn't even
go on the five dates
before the wedding.
My child, I didn't say
whose wedding.
I believe you have
one date left.
Wow! Gorgeous!
Your sister has amazing taste
in hors d'oeuvres.
Mm-hm.
Oh...
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hey, you and Richard,
you nailed these.
You're a good bloke, Nigel.
Richard knocked them out,
didn't he?
Yeah. Yeah, he, uh...
he stayed up all night.
Said you needed a helping hand.
Same old Richard, huh?
He's always got
everybody's back.
Just like with his mum.
You know, once his mum got sick
after high school,
he single handedly
kept the family together?
Nigel, I am so excited
to have a brother.
- Come here.
- Oh.
Welcome to the family.
- Son-in-law.
- Hello.
Give me a moment
with my daughter.
Nice party.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hm.
You know, Lia, you probably
think I'm a bad dad.
You know, I don't stick to
traditional parenting rules, much.
No, well, you know,
some rules
are made to be broken.
Aha.
You're absolutely my daughter.
Popo would be so proud
of the woman you've become.
As am I.
- Thanks, Dad.
- Hm.
Hey, Dad, you want to dance?
I would love to!
Let's go.
- Coming through.
- Coming through.
Hoo-hah!
I'm no different,
I am just the same
A player in the game
Absolutely everybody
Everybody, everybody
Absolutely everybody
In the whole wide world
Absolutely everybody
Everybody...
Good girl.
Mama. Baba.
Hmm?
Mmm.
- Don't spend it all at once.
Really?
How much did you put
in that envelope?
I can't say.
I wish you guys
one hundred years of happiness.
Welcome to the family home.
Xiexie, Baba.
- Alice.
- Xiexie, Mama.
Lia, it's your turn.
Thank you.
Sorry, I wasn't expecting to
have money to give.
Thank you.
But this was Popo's.
Popo said
there are five different
types of tea
and even though they all
come from the same leaf,
they couldn't be more different
from each other.
Just like in life,
or in love...
...how you treat the leaf
is what yields
the different results.
We are all like
different kinds of tea.
We can be like family...
...or friends,
the people who hold
parts of your heart.
Or even a soul mate...
...who are sometimes
right in front of you
the whole time.
Nigel and Alice,
you're like
the perfect cup of tea.
And together, you bloom.
I know some of that speech
wasn't to me.
So whoever it is for,
don't let them go.
OK.
Richard!
Richard...
Why didn't you tell me
about your mum?
If I did...
...you would have stayed.
Wait!
Can I take you on a date first?
Y... Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
OK.
Oh, what the hell.
Bubble tea.
And takeaway green tea.
- Thank you.
- Thank you. Have a great day.
- Hey.
- Thank you. Bye!
You make me feel
Mighty real...
- Hey! How are you going?
- Good.
- Ah!
- Hi, baby.
- Hey, see you, Mason.
- Bye-bye!
Have a wonderful time.
Five Blind Dates (2024)
Moderator: Maskath3
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