04x04 - Big Trouble in the Big Apple

[bunniefuu]

Jazz: previously on "I am jazz"...

You ready?

Jeanette: jazz and I have been invited to be on a podcast.

Had I brought little jazz to you,

What would you have told me as a parent?

Dr. Bradley: if anything, it would be gentle discouragement.

If I had to go through male puberty,

That's comparable to a form of t*rture.

I have to lose pounds before I can get the surgery.

Hey, at least something's gonna motivate you.

I knew that my weight was a problem,

But I didn't realize that it could affect something

That I've been waiting for my entire life.

-Do you want a vag*na? -Yes.

And you guys got to help me. -It's not gonna be easy,

Just like the surgery's not gonna be easy.

We haven't had a lot of kids who have had their puberty blocked.

We want to get as much skin from everywhere.

A tissue expander is an implantable device

To gradually stretch the skin.

I think it would be good if you visited dr. Ting at mount sinai.

Greg: the idea of going to new york and having another consultation

Just opens up a can of worms.

We are overwhelmed.

Like, she hit us over the head with a brick.

Jazz: years ago, I was assigned male at birth,

But inside, I always knew I was a girl.

I have a girl brain and a boy body.

Being transgender hasn't been easy.

We really are walking a tightrope.

-I'm a tough case. -You're a tough case.

Come on, jazz!whoo!

Go for it, girl!

But it's made me who I am.

I am jazz.

--Captions by vitac-- www.vitac.com

Captions paid for by discovery communications

Griffen: all right, I want to see you do . Ready?

, , , , , , .

If you don't get in a row, restart.

You ready? Want to start down here.

Just do a full curl.

Jazz: I suck at this.

Feels good though, right?

Yeah. Do .

I have definitely tried to lose weight before.

Last one.

I first started dieting when I was in fifth grade...

Okay. I'm done with those.

Damn.

...and it's just been a constant battle since then.

You're gonna do two sets.

Of squats? I don't want to do squats anymore.

This is not your workout. I'm running the workout.

Hey.

Tough love is what motivates change in someone's life.

Do this. -Clap?

Yep.

I feel like one of those monkeys.

Jazz has always wanted this surgery,

And it's kind of scary that her weight

Could be the difference between if she can get it or not.

You've always been one of the best athletes around.

I don't know what happened and why you gained so much weight.

Oh, you're sweet.

I'm not saying anything you don't know.

I know.

Jazz: I don't like it when my brothers are telling me

That I have to lose weight, even if I do have to lose weight.

Kind of lowers my self-esteem

And makes me feel worse about myself.

You're gonna lose it though, right?

Have you been starting? Have you been making progress?

Yeah. I've been working out and eating healthy.

I don't think my brothers fully understand

Why I'm struggling with my weight.

They've never had to deal with anxiety or depression,

So they don't know how that affects

My unhealthy eating habits,

Especially binge eating.

Griffen: obviously, the most motivating factor in this

Is because marci bowers told you you need to lose weight,

But does soccer motivate you at all or not anymore?

'Cause I know you used to love soccer.

Not really. That's not a factor.

So is your competitive nature just gone?

I'm not very competitive. No. Not at all.

You just don't like winning? It's also competitive.

Soccer just isn't one of my personal goals.

Griffen: in her prime, I'd say jazz had the most potential

Out of any of us as an athlete.

Woman: good. Go. Explode.

Wow.

She was so fast, so good, and, honestly, so much better

Than almost anybody she faced.

When I see that you're pounds more than me,

Pounds more than me,

I'm not so happy about that

'Cause I know you're better than that, you know?

I know you're able to lose weight,

But you have to want to be, which is why I'm trying to find

Different motivating factors for you,

Which is why I think soccer is a great one

'Cause I know you used to love the sport.

We're only giving jazz tough love

Because we want to see her change.

We want to see her lose weight

Because we know it's for the best.

So thank you for your motivation.

I just -- you know, it's hard for me

'Cause I'm still gonna always be that girl

Who loves eating food.

I'm just telling her that she needs to go sit in the corner

For a little bit or forever.

Who? You? I lost it.

The girl who loves eating food.

Oh, my god. Were you not listening?

Oh. That didn't really make sense to me.

Let's do some shoulder stuff.

All right. Let's start really slow.

♪♪

Noelle: I'll get the strawberry.

Jazz: I'm gonna get that one as well.

Man: sure. Just give us a few minutes.

I'll bring it out to you, okay?

-Thank you. -Sure.

Jazz: today, I am getting smoothies with noelle,

And I just really needed a break from my brother's workouts

Because he's tough on me,

And I also know that noelle is dying

To find out how the podcast went

Since she helped me prepare for it.

As you can see, everything here is really healthy.

Smells healthy, too.

I know.

So, I'm really curious.

How'd your podcast go?

It actually went really well.

You know, a lot of what dr. Bradley was saying was,

Honestly, just idiotic.

Did our little study session help out at all?

Your research did help.

I feel like I was able to get our point across.

I mean, like, I would have liked to be there.

I know, obviously.

I was thinking that the whole time, like,

"Noelle would totally be good at this."

I'm glad that jazz participated on this podcast,

Just because this research gives false justification

For transphobic ideas,

And jazz is a very loud voice for the trans community,

So if she says something, she will be heard.

These are probably the best smoothies

I've had in a long time. -Yeah.

I've been just focusing on eating healthy and losing weight

'Cause, otherwise, I'm not gonna get the surgery,

And I need to lose pounds.

How's that going for you?

It's kind of scary and intimidating,

But I'm starting with smoothies.

Yay.

I know how mentally strenuous losing weight can be because,

Since going on estrogen, I've gained a lot of weight,

And I fear that, you know,

My bmi will be something that's concerning

When it comes to my surgery.

You know, also, I'm going to new york and visiting dr. Ting

For another consultation.

What are you seeing dr. Ting for?

Well, you know that I don't have enough tissue,

And we have to find a way to increase that.

Dr. Bowers provided all these options,

And I'm visiting dr. Ting to determine

If I can get this peritoneal lining procedure

Because he specializes in that.

Jazz: marci bowers doesn't do this procedure

Where they use the lining around your stomach to make a vag*na

Because how experimental it is at this moment.

The fact that it's so new kind of scares me,

But I do know I'm gonna have to be a pioneer

When it comes to my procedure

Because I'm one of the first transgender youth

Who's been completely suppressed

Who is getting this operation done.

He's gonna determine if I'm, like, you know,

A good candidate for that,

But, also, he's gonna figure out

If I do need a tissue expander or not.

This tissue expander is another option.

It's basically putting a balloon inside my genitals

So that my skin could stretch.

Then I would have enough tissue

To get the regular standard vaginoplasty,

But knowing that that part of my body

Is gonna be growing more,

It's like something disgusting and horrifying in my mind.

This tissue expander thing has been on my mind a lot.

Just doesn't seem like the best option.

It really seems like it's one thing after another

When it comes to getting the surgery.

Noelle: I don't know too much about the different methods of surgery

That jazz's doctors are offering her,

But I hope that she doesn't go with anything too experimental,

Just because it wouldn't be the best thing

If this experiment went wrong.

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey, jazz? -Huh?

Look at the flowers that daddy got for me.

Aren't they beautiful?

-Beautiful. -What time is it?

I know I'm supposed to call marci at :.

It's almost :.

Jeanette: we're facetiming with dr. Bowers today

So that we can make sure we have all our ducks in a row

Before we see dr. Ting.

She's just briefing us on it,

And we need to make sure we know exactly what's going on

Before we head to new york.

So, jazz, you ready to go to new york?

Jazz: I don't know.

My fear is that he's gonna be like,

"Tissue expander, tissue expander."

He'll decide what he thinks after he examines you.

I feel like everyone in this world has examined me by now.

Jazz: I honestly thought that once I chose dr. Marci bowers

As my surgeon that I wouldn't have to visit any more doctors,

So it just feels like an extra step

To have to go to new york to see dr. Ting

And hear his perspective on the peritoneal lining procedure

And the tissue expander.

Dr. Bowers: hi.

Hello.hello.

Well, how are things going?

Good. We've been talking a lot about our last visit with you

And digesting everything and...

How about the diet?

Are you making progress there?

Yeah, no. I've been working on it quite a lot.

That's terrific. Well, I'm glad to hear that.

How about the therapy letters?

Have you been working on those as well?

She has been with one doctor since she was ,

So that doctor for sure.

Before jazz gets the green light to go forward with the surgery,

She has to have two letters from two different therapists.

Dr. Volker knows jazz

Better than any other mental health counselor,

And she is the person that needs to write letter number one,

But we need to find a second therapist for the second letter.

We're actively looking for somebody now.

Okay.

Have you worked on what we talked about last time?

Um...

We really are walking a tightrope.

We have a skin issue. We have the orgasm issue.

Have you tried a little bit to get...

Jazz: I've tried, but...

...positive feelings and even orgasm?

There's not much going on.

Yeah.

Dr. Bowers: hmm.

When dr. Bowers brings up the whole orgasm topic,

I know jazz gets uncomfortable.

I'm uncomfortable.

This is not any of my business, really.

It's kind of like a private thing.

Dr. Bowers: that part's important.

You know, if you put your mind to it, these things can happen.

You need to awaken those sexual feelings

Because if it's not there before surgery,

It's not likely to be there after surgery.

Jeanette: I want jazz to have a wonderful future with a loving partner

And have a very healthy sex life.

I want jazz to love and be loved in the way that she deserves.

Dr. Bowers: and we mentioned last time the tissue expander idea.

It's possible he's gonna recommend that,

So I'm gonna have you talk to dr. Ting

About that, although the problem I saw

Was that that isn't really gonna be very comfortable.

Yeah.

But I have made arrangements.

In case they need to be done,

I've made arrangements for the o.r.

In case we choose to do it.

Wait. What?

It's a consideration.

Jazz: I didn't realize I might come home from new york

With this balloon between my legs.

That's super scary.

That's something to digest.

Having this tissue expander surgery

Will definitely disrupt my life,

And I don't think I'm ready for that.

You've been on a couple of dates.

Is this a soul mate or a sexual mate?

Grandma.

We're on our way to meet dr. Ting...

-Dr. Ting. -...in new york.

You have to put a needle through the skin

In the scrotum into the expander

And inject saline into it.

This is a big step.

♪♪

I think we should eat nemo for dinner.

-If anyone ever ate him... -Oh, my god.

Oh, no.

Mom asked me to wear it,

So I'm chef sander for the night.

I'm gonna cook in style.

I'm gonna wear my chef hat and apron 'cause it looks good,

And if you look good, you feel good, and you cook good.

That's me, chef sander, at your service.

Here comes the salad.

What are you doing there?

Where's the beef, sander?

Sander is just out of control with this...

-It's not out of -- -...his apron.

He doesn't even put a shirt underneath.

I know. It was cute.

Hard to cut.

It's a little bit on the rare side.

-Why is it so hard to cut? -Dad, what are you thinking?

I wish he could cook as good as he looked.

He thinks he can, so don't tell him.

It's tasty though.

I'm saving my calories for vacation.

Are we gonna be eating steaks in the grand canyon?

You didn't tell them about what was going on?

No. That's your job.

Oh.

Well, we're going to new york city.

We have to have this consultation.

What I want to try and do is to piggyback our trip to new york

And do a family rafting excursion.

Rafting is fun no matter where you go,

And we'll have manhattan to go to as well.

I was told I was going to the grand canyon with my family,

And I was super excited, so to have that taken away

And to be told that now I'm going to new york,

It's not really fair.

Jazz: well, I kind of feel like it's my fault.

We're not going to the grand canyon because of me.

This is not the first time

That we've had to plan a family vacation

Based on my medical appointments.

I really know my brothers wanted to go to the grand canyon,

And I feel bad that they're disappointed.

We get it. You don't want to pay for two vacations.

Well, it's not that.

You only have a limited amount of time

Before you have to go back to school.

Take it. I don't deserve it.

So the kids have to go back to college.

We have limited time,

But we need to get this consultation done, so...

Dr. Ting's office was too far from the grand canyon,

Was the bottom line.

Obviously, I'm still lucky to be at least going on vacation,

But I'm a little disappointed.

I obviously really don't think it's fair

That we always have to change things for jazz

And her doctor appointments, but we're jazz's brothers.

We've always been there for her,

And her surgery is more important

Than going to see some rocks.

Did you just call the grand canyon some rocks?

I mean, they are.

It's a canyon.

Bro, I'm in earth science where they're just rocks.

Here's the thing. So at some point in your lives,

We will go to the grand canyon together,

And I'll take care of the bill.

-Thanks, man. -You can have your steak back.

-Atta boy. -Well, then, it's been decided.

We're gonna do the new york trip.

I'll toast to that.

And we're owed a trip to the grand canyon.

It's the big apple.

You guys are making out like bandits.

And to the last consult, hopefully.

♪♪

Jazz: do you see all of the butterflies?

Wow.

I know you don't like going outside that much, but --

No. No. No. I love outdoors,

As long as outdoors loves me.

You just don't like what it does to your hair.

Jazz: now that I'm a little bit older,

My relationship with grandma has definitely changed.

We don't get to hang out, just you and me very often.

-But... -Very infrequently.

...i think you're a cool person, grandma.

I love that.

Oh, I love you.

We talk about more serious stuff.

Being a teenager is hard.

It comes with all these different worries,

So it's really great to have someone like her in my life.

Not only is she super funny without realizing it,

But she gives amazing advice.

It's hot.

I'm as shiny as a new penny.

You are sweating.

You look fine, grandma.

You always look beautiful.

All right.

So, I want to ask you.

Mom and dad mentioned something about a social thing.

Oh, yeah. I went to this mixer recently.

It was at this lgbtq center.

-Mm-hmm. -They're all really cool.

I could be good friends with them.

And, also, I just think they may open up doors for me

To find new friends as well

And potentially a partner, a relationship.

I didn't know you had gotten to this.

Well, this is a new happening.

-Yep. -You're open for the happening.

-I'm really open. -I'm so excited to hear that.

I'm more open than ever.

So is this a soul mate or a sexual mate?

Have you differentiated?

Grandma, do I look like a sexual being?

I'm not judging you.

I'm truly asking, just to try to see where your thinking is.

-I think -- -or both?

You know, marci bowers,

She said I need to start figuring things out

In terms of trying to have an orgasm,

So, I mean, this isn't really my intention,

But it could be a benefit of being in a relationship.

-Wow. -If I experiment sexually,

Then maybe I'll find out what I like,

And then I could have orgasms my entire life.

Yay.

You'd have to miss a few days of school.

See, I'm being facetious about it.

Jacky: jazz is still an adolescent.

She still needs time.

She is only going on , but she's finding herself,

And she has not been privy

To what I think a lot of the girls her age have been.

She's lost that,

And I think that you can't find what you've lost.

She's going to have to play catch-up.

Are you starting to define what you're looking for, perhaps?

Well, I feel like intelligence

Is something really important to me.

So that would be top of your list?

-Up there. -Yeah.

Another thing is, they need to be able to handle me.

I'm a lot.

-Yeah. -I'm a lot, a lot.

Yeah. You are a very complicated young lady.

I want to find someone who looks at my problems

And realizes that it's what makes me beautiful as a person.

Wow. That's quite a remark.

The fact that she really wants to love, it's her right.

It's every human being's right to love and be loved,

And I think it's fabulous.

I have a question for you.

-Yeah. -Do you still love grandpa?

Yeah.

I do love grandpa, but love changes.

Early love, when you meet somebody, is very exciting...

-It's passionate. -...and passion and physical,

And then it moves along,

And as the years go, it takes on a different flavor.

It changes.

Would you say that all the flavors are equivalent,

Or do you think the beginning...

-No. -...stages of love are the best?

The hottest, most exciting time

Is when two people meet each other.

You can't sleep. You can't eat.

You can't do this. You can't do that.

It's all geared in one direction.

So it's not -- it doesn't feel as good anymore, then.

No. No. It's not measurable.

Is it all easy? It's a lot of work.

Relationships are a lot of work.

Jazz: it's really special that my grandma is willing

To talk with me,

No matter what the subject is,

And I really appreciate everything she has to say

Because she's a wise woman.

She's lived a long time, and she knows what she's talking about.

You blow me away in where you have come

In these last many months.

It's like a -- like, we're in butterfly world.

I feel like you're coming out of your cocoon,

And I think it's a great analogy.

You're growing. You're expanding.

There's another jazz emerging,

And I'm so proud to be your grandma.

I am blown away that she turns to me, not a girlfriend,

Not mommy, which she may.

I don't know, but here I am, the old grandma,

And that just was endearing, so endearing.

Well, I need to do your makeup one day.

Here we go again.

What? You do a good job, but you put too much blush on the --

Well, we'll sweat it off.

I'm super stoked about going white-water rafting.

Keep going. We're getting there.

Go. Go. Whoo!

I feel like almost you're happy about this, dad,

'Cause you're getting your way.

Getting his way? What are you talking about?

Jazz --

Is it true that you don't want me

To get the surgery until I'm an adult?

Is it true?

♪♪

We're at the airport, on our way to meet dr. Ting...

-Dr. Ting. -...in new york.

It's gonna be exciting because we're gonna learn

More about the peritoneal lining.

[ Woman speaking indistinctly over p.a. ]

I really want to make this visit to new york more of a vacation.

Yes, I know we have to see dr. Ting,

But I really want us to spend time together,

And I don't want this appointment

To be like this dark cloud hanging over our head.

I just want jazz to be carefree and have fun.

♪♪

♪♪

Greg: look how pretty it is here.

I'm excited to see the sights.

I mean, I think central park is an awesome place to go.

Pretty.

I feel bad because I know that the kids had to sacrifice

And accept the fact that we needed to deal

With jazz's medical consultation.

Mom, think fast.

-But every now and then... -Aw, you had it.

...you have to be practical, and we have to be able

To make the best of a situation.

Jazz: here, I'm gonna try my other throw.

It's going into the second pocket.

-What the heck is that? -That was to ari.

Aw.

And they're probably thinking,

"Dad owes us a trip to the grand canyon."

[ Chuckles ]

-Oh. [ Laughter ]

Jeanette: impressive.

I like it over here.

You did good, mom. I'm proud of you.

Thanks, jazz.

Ari, come to the bridge with me.

I'm very fortunate to have an older sister that I can rely on.

This is so romantic.

I feel like this would be a good place if you were, like,

On a date with someone.

Ari: yeah. It would be nice.

I feel like I'm definitely able to be more vulnerable with ari.

I just feel like I could go to her with anything.

This consultation is like -- ugh.

I'm just not ready.

Well, that's totally understandable.

I have a really bad feeling he's gonna examine me and be like,

"We got to do this tissue expander."

You just got to be like, "you know what? This is how it is.

This is what I'm doing, and I'm doing it."

But there's so many problems that come with it.

Like, I would have to think about the clothes that I wear,

What activities I'm able to do.

Like, would I be able to, like,

Pursue a relationship with this tissue thing?

-Yeah. -It's, like, uncomfortable.

Like, this is my body, you know?

Yeah, but at the end of the day, if you do this expander thing,

You get what you've always wanted.

-That's true. -You know what I mean?

Like, it's baby steps.

But will i?

But you can never be sure about that, and that's scary.

It's definitely interesting to hear

Jazz say she's scared of something

'Cause I just look at her as someone who's pretty fearless.

Well, I have to go to therapy too.

You know that, right?

So, like, I'm gonna have to talk about

All this stuff with my therapist.

Like, what's the worst thing that could happen?

They don't recommend me for the procedure,

And that could be for multiple reasons.

They could say I'm mentally unstable.

I do have depression and anxiety.

I'm diagnosed.

Mm-hmm.

Or they could say, "oh, she's a binge eater.

Like, she's not taking care of her body.

How is she gonna take care of her new vag*na?

Like, how is she gonna be able to dilate?"

And things like that.

For now, I think it's important to just wait

And then be very present.

Yeah, but how can I be present

If I'm always thinking about surgery,

If I'm always thinking about the future?

I think that the fact that her whole life has been a transition

Kind of makes you look forward to a future

And finally being transitioned.

It's hard to just be, like, content with where you're at now

When you're looking to just be your full self in the future.

Whenever I'm thinking a lot or, like,

Just stressed out about something,

I usually just, like,

Go do something to get my mind off of it.

And I just focus on what I'm doing.

It's so stupid.

I mean, this is just who I am,

And I just want my body to represent that

Because it makes me feel more comfortable

Because I don't feel comfortable in my own skin.

You know?

Makes sense.

At the end of the day, it's a very just scary situation,

And there's not much you can do besides just be there for her.

I'm scared.

♪♪

-Jazz? -Yeah?

Daddy and I really think you should wear something

That covers you up more. -Why?

Because your boobs are hanging out.

Sander: jazz has too much cleavage?

Yeah.

-You go, girl. -Shut up, sander.

Jazz: today, my family and I are taking a day trip

To go to white-water rafting, and we love doing this stuff.

We're pretty adventurous and love being outside.

Jeanette: cousin debbie's calling. Everybody be quiet.

Hello.

Debbie: hey, cuz.

Hi. I have you on speaker.

Everybody's here.

Oh, my gosh. Where are you?

We're going rafting today.

I was calling to see if you wanted to go

To a movie or out to dinner,

Something calm like that, you know?

When I get back, I'd love to.

Jeanette: debbie is a therapist.

She works with a lot of trans patients,

And we're looking for somebody to write that second letter.

Debbie: listen, I've been reaching out to see who jazz

Might be able to discuss surgery

And to feel better and more prepared,

And I think I found the most perfect match.

Oh, great.

I know she needs a therapist

Because she has to have that second letter.

Definitely send me all the information.

Okay. Sounds like a plan.

All righty. Love you.

Thank you. -I love you all.

Love you too. Bye. -Bye.

Bye, debbie.

Jazz is not a big fan of therapy,

But she can't have the surgery without the letters,

So the sooner we get the ball rolling, the better

So we don't have to worry about it anymore.

So, jazz?

Jazz: what? You know I don't like therapy.

This is for the surgery, so I'm willing to just suck it up

And do it, but it's gonna be annoying anyway.

Do you know how close in proximity

Does the letter have to be to the actual surgery?

Marci said that you could do it a month before,

And it's no problem.

However, just because of my circumstances,

It's better if I do it a little bit sooner,

But the surgery is less than a year away, dad,

And we got to --

Well, we're not % sure of that.

We haven't met with dr. Ting.

We don't know what those other requirements are,

The timing of it.

-Whatever. -That could factor in.

I feel like almost you're happy about this, dad,

'Cause you're getting your way.

Getting his way? What are you talking about?

I can hear the underlying excitement in your voice.

When I said, like, "get the surgery in less than a year,"

You're like, "well, that might not be a possibility."

Jazz, you need to be respectful of your parents and your elders.

I'm just saying how I feel.

Like, I feel like you are a little bit happy.

Is it true that you don't want me

To get the surgery until I'm an adult?

Is it true?

Is it true that you don't want me

To get the surgery until I'm an adult?

Is it true?

That's not specifically the issue.

Age is not the issue.

There's a lot going on in jazz's life.

There's a lot of things to contemplate.

I want to make sure that jazz is in the right frame of mind,

That she's emotionally ready.

I just want to make sure that the timing

Is truly right for jazz.

That's all I really care about.

Sounds like you may need time to recover,

And I don't want you to have to rush recovery.

Why would I rush it?

If I get it at the beginning of summer,

I would have all summer long.

I don't know that that's enough time.

Skylar did it at the beginning of summer.

She's fine now.

If you end up having the expanders,

It sounds to me like that is a pretty lengthy period of time

For you to go through this process,

And I don't know that we would want to rush that process.

So when do you think it's gonna be better for me to do that,

When I'm entering college?

I think you end up needing a gap year,

If you go through that process.

I definitely just feel like my dad is really concerned

About me, and he's protective.

However, I also know that he thinks

I'm not mature enough to make this decision

And that, you know,

Maybe I should wait to get this operation done when I'm older.

I just wish that he was more supportive.

I don't know why we're making conclusions

Before you guys see dr. Ting.

I feel like that's gonna give all the answers.

Arguing back and forth and getting mad at dad

And whatnot is not worth it. -I'm not arguing with dad.

-All right. Let's -- -i'm just saying, like...

-All right. I think... -...i don't know how he feels.

...we've belabored this long enough, and we all get it.

Greg: all of these decisions that are being made

Are extremely important,

And they have to be carefully thought through,

And as parents,

It's our parental responsibility to do that

And make sure that everything is as perfect as it can be.

♪♪

♪♪

-Jennings family, welcome. -Hey. How are you?

Welcome to whitewater challengers.

I'm scott. Nice to meet you.

Thank god we're here at the river.

I just want to enjoy myself, rafting with my family.

-So, you guys excited? -Yeah. Definitely.

Scott: all right.

I'm super stoke about going white-water rafting.

I know jeanette's...

I grew up on the water, white-water rafting.

Well, more like canoeing.

This is something I can do.

Let's get you suited up.

-Is the river ready for us? -I sure hope so.

I had a pep talk this morning, so...

Griffen: how's it running today, nice and fast?

-Cold. -Cold. Nice. Perfect.

That's why we're here. -No. We're good. We're good.

Greg: when we have family arguments,

Nobody holds any grudges.

Everybody moves forward.

I know once we get on the rafts,

All that b.s. Will be behind us.

I'm gonna give you guys pfds.

These are your personal flotation devices

For when you actually fall in the river,

I mean, to keep you warm.

-Say cheese. -Cheese.

Scott: all right, well, let's get in our raft and get on the river.

Go ahead and hop in, next set of people.

Greg: I think the nice thing about rafting is

You're all in one place. -Going on our way.

You're a c*ptive audience with each other.

You have to deal and communicate

And have fun together, and that makes for

A perfect environment as a family, I think.

All right. So let's all take a few strokes forward.

Here comes a bump.

-Whoo! -Jeanette.

Jeanette: [ laughing ] oh, that's cold.

Griffen: we're on the river and moving very fast.

At all times, you're rowing, paddling.

We're getting stuck on rocks.

There's so much going on in such a short time,

And I could see our family really coming together.

Scott: all forward. All forward.

All forward. Keep going.

We're getting there. We're getting there.

Go. Go. Go.

All forward. Come on.

Jazz: this is definitely helping to get my mind

Off the argument with my dad.

I feel like we're doing really great as a team,

And that's what makes it enjoyable.

Whoo!

Jeanette: no matter what we do or where we go,

Our family has fun together.

We like each other.

Not all families like each other.

Come on, jazz.

Go for it, girl! Go for it!

Whoo!

Greg: I think it's really important --

Actually, I can't think of anything

More important than family vacations.

That was so graceful.

-This was really fun, wasn't it? -This was fun.

-What was that? That was a lie. -Let's eat. I'm hungry.

Hungry people, here's your lunch.

Well, I'm sorry, guys, I didn't get you to the grand canyon,

But look at this background.

I mean, look where we are. -It's beautiful.

You got the sounds and the view.

Honestly, I just feel like this is such a good break

From everything that's been going on in our lives.

White-water rafting was a good distraction from the surgery

And the upcoming consultation,

But no matter how hard I try to push this from my mind,

This is just an issue that is so important

That it's gonna come up one way or another.

I'm kind of scared to hear what dr. Ting is gonna say.

The worst-case scenario is that he tells me

That I need the tissue expander

And that I'm not a good candidate

For the peritoneal lining procedure.

And he says, "here's the o.r."

And he sends me right into the o.r. To get the expander.

-What's an o.r.? -Operating room.

I didn't hear what you just said.

Dr. Bowers, when we were on the facetime call with her,

She said, "I booked an o.r. Just in case,"

In case he wants to stick an expander in her.

A tissue expander.

I'm sorry. Why don't you elaborate on that?

You -- -that's all she said.

You didn't share that with me though.

What does that mean? -I thought I did. Sorry.

Starting when?

When?

When we go to visit dr. Ting.

-What? -Yeah.

Wait. What?

You got to talk to me about stuff like this.

You don't just go in and have surgery

Without talking to me. -We did not agree to it.

She just said, "I booked an o.r. Just in case."

Jeanette: I am never prepared to tell greg something

That's gonna upset him

'Cause I don't like to upset greg, so no.

Maybe that's why I subconsciously forgot.

You and I are gonna have to speak.

What do you mean, you and I have to speak?

I don't know what we're talking about here.

Greg: I'm really baffled why this is the first time

I'm hearing about it because,

To have this tissue expander surgery,

It's not something that I would even be remotely okay with

On this trip to new york.

Jeanette: I gave you --

There's no further discussion until we speak to dr. Ting.

She just said, "I booked an o.r. Just in case."

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, milady.

-You're welcome. -Hi.

Jazz here for dr. Ting.

Jazz: going into this consultation with dr. Ting,

I am scared that he may say something bad

Or suggest that I do get this tissue expander.

-Thanks so much. -You're welcome.

Another consultation.

I feel like it takes a whole --

-Where are we now? -It takes the whole universe...

-I don't think anybody -- -...just to get my procedure.

Nobody I know has had this many consults.

We've been across the entire country.

You're a special case.

Greg: I'm hoping that this consultation with dr. Ting

Is the last consultation that we have.

I hope to achieve some type of finality.

Jeanette: I think we're on the cutting edge

Of the medicine in this area.

Greg: I don't really like being on the cutting edge of anything.

-Hello. -Hi.

-Hello. -How are you?

Hi. How are you?

Good. I'm greg.

Greg, hi. I'm dr. Ting.

-Nice to meet you. -Hi.

Jazz. Nice to meet you.

Hi, jazz. I love your hair.

My name is dr. Jess ting.

About a year and a half ago, I gave up plastic surgery

To focus on transgender surgery.

So, just bring me up to speed.

So how old are you, jazz?

I'm .

And then, in terms of hormones and puberty blockers,

When did all of that start?

I started the puberty blockers at age

And hormones when I was .

Have you worked on other patients

Who have been blocked from such an early age?

You are the earliest.

Dr. Ting: I do have some concerns about jazz having this operation.

She is younger than anyone we've operated on so far here,

So this is a big step.

You want to make sure the patient is prepared,

Understands what they're doing,

And is making the right decision for themselves.

But, I mean, you're very fortunate.

Your voice hasn't changed.

You look like you haven't had any hair growth.

But that's why we're in the position now

Because she's got less material to work with.

That's not a problem that we can't overcome.

One of the things we can do is we can put in a tissue expander,

Which is a skin stretcher,

And we can put that in the scrotum.

It's kind of like an empty balloon,

And you slowly fill it up every week with just water.

As it blows up, it stretches the skin,

And that can create new skin.

If you start the process, then we fly back to florida,

Do we have to come back and forth,

Or is that something that we could do --

As far as doing it yourself,

I mean, how are you with needles?

Because you just have to find --

There's one place in the tissue expander

You have to put a needle through the skin

Into the expander and inject saline into it.

But that's very painful though, right?

That's very painful.

This sounds like my worst nightmare.

I mean, obviously, if I need to do it to get the operation done,

Then I'm gonna have to do it.

However, I'm really hoping that I can avoid this altogether.

How much does that affect your life,

Like, going to school and things like that?

In the beginning, it's okay. It's not that bad, but as --

Once it gets bigger.

Once it gets bigger, you're gonna be walking around

With, like, the world's largest scrotum.

We're talking, like, you know, the size of a grapefruit.

-Oh, my goodness. -It's really uncomfortable.

Jeanette: no matter what dr. Ting says,

I am not a fan of the tissue expander.

It makes you immobile,

And jazz's depression is still looming.

So besides the tissue expander being uncomfortable,

Are there any other complications

That could happen with that or...?

So that's a great question, and the answer is yes.

So besides the tissue expander being uncomfortable,

Are there any other complications

That could happen with that or...?

So that's a great question, and the answer is yes.

The most common complications from a tissue expander

Would be infection,

In which case the expander has to be removed.

The other problem is that the suture line can split open.

You can see the implant through the skin.

-Yay. -Right.

The more information that dr. Ting reveals

In this consultation,

The more worried I am about this examination.

I'm afraid that he's gonna take one look at me and be like,

"Okay. You need tissue expander. You need this. You need that."

Would there be any way to, like, work around the tissue expander?

Well, I could examine you, and we would know,

But there are other options.

We have the skin on the outside, right?

But there's actually, like, a second skin

On the inside of your body called peritoneum.

Peritoneum is different than skin in several key ways.

It's hairless.

It's pink.

It's also secretory.

It's moist. It creates fluid.

In a lot of ways, it's kind of similar to the tissue

That is lining a cis woman's vag*na.

Is there a limitation of how much peritoneum

You have available to use?

-We can get a lot. -Really?

But this is experimental.

I've done it in about patients.

Greg: I'm not keen on the use of the word experimental.

Is not the greatest number, and I'm thinking,

"Why couldn't he have said ,?"

I would have felt much better.

Out of your patients,

Have the results been successful?

Mixed.

We've had some very successful ones,

A couple that were less successful.

Like with any kind of surgery, there are parts of it

That are just out of our control.

All right. Well, I guess examination, right?

All right. Shall we go?

-Yeah. -Okay.

Okay.

Greg: there's so much information that, you know,

We have to digest

And come to some conclusions about,

But the idea of having tissue expanders

Is a really tough concept to grasp.

I want to have jazz have the least drastic method

Of obtaining the results she wants.

It just seems like we would need to set aside

A much greater amount of time for jazz

To be able to have that process done

And then to have the surgery and then to recover.

Dr. Ting: okay, so we're just gonna do a quick exam.

It seems like a very difficult road.

So the vag*na is gonna go right over here.

Jazz: I'm hoping that he saw what he needed to,

And that he can construct the best vag*na possible

Based on my materials.

Now, if we put a tissue expander in,

That's gonna go right over here.

I'm very nervous because the tissue expander

Affects me physically.

It would prevent me from being able to walk

And engage in physical activity,

And I need to do that to lose this weight.

Okay. So we'll see you upstairs, okay?

And I have to lose this weight,

Or there will be no other issues to deal with at all

'Cause I won't be getting the procedure done.

Okay.

After examining you,

As far as a tissue expander is concerned...

Mm-hmm.

Spit it out, and tell me

If I need this tissue expander or not.

You just...