04x07 - Hungry for Acceptance

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "I am jazz"...

Aah!

Jazz: I am definitely attracted to victoria,

And I would love to get to know her better.

Would you want to hang out again, just, like, you and me?

-Yeah, for sure, definitely. -I think it'll be fun.

[ Crunch ]

Jazz: sometimes I just eat a lot, even if I'm full.

I'm not going to lie.

I do love food and I do love eating,

And part of me almost doesn't want to let that go.

Binge eating is a symptom of an emotional state.

I feel like I need to make a change in my life.

Jazz has been unhappy with school for several years.

I could go to this virtual school

Where I could just finish my high school credits.

I can't provide her what school does hours a day, every day.

[ Voice breaking ] this is not the way it's supposed to go,

And I wasn't prepared for this.

This is hard.

It's really, really, really hard.

Jazz: years ago, I was assigned male at birth,

But inside, I always knew I was a girl.

I have a girl brain and a boy body.

Being transgender hasn't been easy...

We really are walking a tightrope.

-I'm a tough case. -You're a tough case.

-Come on, jazz! -Whoo!

Go for it, girl!

...but it's made me who I am.

I am jazz.

--Captions by vitac-- www.vitac.com

Captions paid for by discovery communications

♪♪

Jeanette: how many cups of coffee do you drink in the morning?

On the weekend, I probably have three.

Maybe if you didn't take it, you wouldn't be as grouchy.

[ Both laugh ]

Jeanette: try going one day without drinking,

And see what you're like. -Hi.

-How you doing? -Good.

You look like you're off and running.

[ Knock on door ] -come in!

-Hey. -Hey!

How are you?

Jeanette: look at how cute this person looks.

Jazz is very mature for her age, and michaela is an adult,

And she gets things that jazz's peers may not understand.

I'm happy that she's got an older friend

That she can look up to.

Where you going shopping?

We're just going to a little boutique up by where I live.

I actually leave on a trip on the st,

Start of my, uh, campaign for the "be you" tour,

So I'm actually looking for a few things

I have to pick up. -Are you ready to head out?

Yeah, let's hit it.

Jazz, no drive-thru fast food.

-Healthy, healthy, healthy. -Why would we be doing that?

-I'm trying to help you. -Yeah, let's get going.

Greg: have fun!

When my parents remind me to avoid the fast food,

I feel a little bit embarrassed.

They're always on my case,

And while I know that they love me,

And they're just trying to help me,

I wish they, you know, wouldn't doubt me so much.

♪♪

♪ And I hear you whistling ♪

♪ On the other side of the wind ♪

-That's a song I wrote. -I love that.

-Really? -Yeah, like, a lot.

Have you ever, like, thought about songwriting?

No. I mean, I feel like

I'm not knowledgeable enough about music.

Girl, that's what cowriting is for. [ Laughs ]

I was shocked hearing jazz sing. She's amazing.

She's got so much untapped potential,

And I'm, like,

Ready to steal her and help her.

You're amazing.

So what have you got coming up?

Um...you know how I told you about

Going to hypnotherapy... -Yeah.

...and how I've done that to help with my food thing?

And I'm going to visit her again soon,

And I'm just, like, worried because

I don't want to let her down

And make her think, like, it's not working.

Jazz: my last appointment with the hypnotherapist

Definitely helped me feel more in control of myself,

But overall, I'm going through this yo-yo phase

Where I'll lose a ton of weight

And then I'll gain back the weight.

I need to be consistent and continue visiting keli

In order for the hypnotherapy to work.

You've got so much going on right now,

The surgery and the weight loss,

And now potentially dating. -I know.

Have you talked to victoria at all?

Like, when we were talking on the beach, just her and i,

Like, I kind of told her.

I'm like, "I'd love to hang out, you know,

Just you and me one time,"

And she said she'd be down for it, so...

Right now, I definitely like victoria

And I could see potential in that relationship.

However, I don't know if she's interested

Or likes me or doesn't like me.

So I've never really kissed someone, like,

Someone that I've liked-liked.

I've never kiss-kissed with, like, french kiss, you know,

With, like, your tongue in there.

I'm very excited about where

The whole jazz-and-victoria thing is going,

Because jazz has done a lot of things beyond her years,

But the one thing she hasn't experienced

Is all of the lessons that come with relationships

And being able to grow as a person in that way.

Do you feel like victoria would be the type of girl

Who would make the first move?

-I feel like she would. -Yeah.

And I feel like I'm gonna --

I'm gonna hold back and let her do it.

♪♪

-This is the place. -Michaela: this is it.

Ooh, pretty, pretty.

Oh, my god. It's gorgeous.

I mean, everything here is gorgeous.

-Oh, my god. -Could you totally see this?

I could totally see you going to a gig in that.

When I go shopping, I try on million things.

Mm-hmm.

You know what I can't stop thinking about?

Is that car wash with the guy.

We are just living our lives as who we are.

We love ourselves. We embrace who we are.

And we wish that you could embrace us, too.

You don't love who you are. You were born a certain way,

And you don't love how you were born, apparently.

Don't tell me if I don't love myself

'Cause I know who I love, not you.

-You don't because you changed. -I think you should go.

Just this world, it scares me sometimes.

You know what I mean?

Well, that's why I started this "be you" campaign.

The "be you" campaign is an antibullying self-love tour

Where I'm able to go into schools, meet kids,

Share my story, and help them to learn

That the most important thing is being yourself.

Wait, so you speak to, like, kids, right?

I go into schools,

And I tell my story and I perform.

-You do? -I sing. Yeah, and, you know,

The first thing that I thought of hearing you sing

And make up your songs in the car, like, I was like,

"Well, the 'be you' tour should have a theme song."

I think because you have the platform,

And I have the same platform,

I feel like it'd be a perfect fit to write some cool, like,

Song for the "be you" tour.

Michaela: I think jazz has so much incredible talent all around.

And with her platform of advocacy, what a better fit?

Obviously, like, not the biggest singer

Or performer like you are.

Jazz: I've spoken in front of audiences.

However singing is much different

Because you're singing, not talking.

They're so receptive...

-That's awesome. -...and excited.

But being who you are is a message

That I have been sharing my entire life.

And I feel like many kids who are getting bullied,

Facing intolerance and don't feel like they fit in,

Need to hear that it's okay to express who you are

Authentically without letting anyone else tell you otherwise.

Yeah, I honestly, I'd be down to do it.

We're gonna do this.

It sounds pretty fun.

We're gonna do this.

Okay, we're gonna do this.

Okay.

♪♪

♪♪

Today, I have a hypnotherapy session with keli,

And the last time I saw her went really well.

-Hello, hello! -Hey! How are you?

I'm back. Good. How are you?

I'm good.

It's really important that I stop this yo-yo cycle

Because in order to get the surgery,

I need to not only lose the pounds,

But I need to maintain my weight after that.

So now I'm, like, I'm pounds down

From what I need to get my surgery,

So I'm one-third of the way there.

How do you feel about that?

-That's good. -That's good.

I just need to lose another more pounds...

-That's good. -...which is a lot, but...

All right. So today, we're gonna switch up a bit.

So we're doing some past-life regression.

-So how...what... [ Chuckles ] -[ chuckles ]

I'm just a little bit confused.

So we're going to go into my past lifes...

Multiple lives or just one life?

You've probably had many, many, many past lives.

This is probably one of the deeper levels of hypnosis

That a person can experience.

I'm open to past-life regression

Because I believe that I've had past lives,

And maybe it could unlock the doors of my mind or my past.

So we're going to go revisit a past life

That's going to evaluate and offer healing

As to your binge eating in this lifetime.

Now, with that intention, that will dictate

Which lifetime we go into,

And you're just going to observe.

What's your role, as I always say?

Relax, observe, and report.

And that's what you're going to do in this process.

Okay.

Jazz: I'm hoping that, in today's session,

We find out why I binge eat.

And hopefully by figuring out that problem,

I could lose the weight and keep it off.

Take a deep, cleansing breath in,

And as you very slowly exhale, relax.

I'm hopeful that we can connect some dots

As far as what her past life experiences have been

And how it impacts this lifetime.

So look up into the sky and see if you can find

A big white fluffy cloud.

So I'm asking that cloud to move

And carry you back

Into time and space.

I want you to tell me the very first thing

That you see or that you notice.

I'm in, like, a town center.

Mm-hmm.

People are selling food.

It's like a market.

Okay. What are you feeling or sensing being here?

I don't know. Hungry.

You're hungry.

What's your name?

-Cal. -Cal? Okay.

What are you doing in this marketplace?

Do you sense that you live nearby?

I don't have a home.

You don't. Okay.

I don't think my family wants me.

Why? What happened?

I'm gay.

You're gay. Okay.

-They caught me... -Mm-hmm.

...with...

A guy.

And what happened?

-Kicked me out. -Kicked you out?

How did that make you feel?

Rejected.

[ Voice breaking ] my dream was to hold his hand

In this market.

Now I'm just alone in the market,

And I'm hungry.

I haven't eaten.

Okay. Just allow that to come off.

I'm right here with you.

So we're gonna leave this scene,

And we're going to drift and float forward

To the last day of cal's life.

You're drifting and floating, floating and drifting.

And you're there now, and what's happening?

I'm sitting on a rocking chair.

Mm-hmm.

I was never able to live the life that I wanted.

Mm-hmm.

I don't wanna...

I don't wanna do this.

You don't want to do what?

Don't wanna live anymore.

-You don't want to? -Mnh-mnh.

So what was he hungry for that day in the market?

He was hungry to be accepted.

Mm-hmm.

He was.

What advice do you have for jazz that can help her?

What's she hungry for?

[ Sniffles ]

[ Crying ] she's still hungry to be accepted.

What advice can you give her? You have perspective of all.

♪♪

What advice do you have for jazz?

What's she hungry for?

[ Sniffles ]

[ Crying ] she's still hungry to be accepted.

What advice can you give her? You have perspective of all.

What can you tell her?

She's just got a little mixed up.

That's what happens with emotions.

-Keli: mm. -We get mixed up.

That's okay. That's okay.

And now your spirit, you have full perspective

Of everything about that lifetime,

And when you're ready, and only when you're ready,

Jazz, one, two, three, four, five.

Back to your regular waking consciousness, feeling good,

Feeling well-rested, feeling wonderful all over.

[ Yawns ]

Jazz: coming out of the hypnosis, it feels like

I traveled through another lifetime.

I was definitely able to connect a few dots

From my past life to my current life

Because there were a lot of underlying themes

That are relevant to what I'm going through now.

-Welcome back. -[ Laughs ]

You did thatphenomenally.

How do you feel coming out of that,

As far as your perspective now about yourself,

And an analogy of being hungry for food

But also hungry for something else in that marketplace?

It was just acceptance, and I know here in this world,

Not everyone accepts all your choices,

Whether that be your family, someone you've never met before.

Yeah, and sometimes I feel selfish for making decisions,

You know, that make me happy, but it's not selfish.

It's not selfish.

Keli: jazz puts a lot of pressure on herself,

And I think that her being able to experience

That past life allowed her to connect the binge eating

And her needing and wanting acceptance.

Cal sacrificed his whole life, right, for acceptance.

Yeah, and he couldn't be himself.

It's like, now I'm making up for, you know,

That past life where I wasn't able to be myself,

And that kind of makes sense.

I share a lot of similarities with cal

Because he was looking for that acceptance

But faced intolerance,

And I have faced a lot of those struggles as well,

And I try to stay strong.

Like, I always seem like this mighty person

Who has no problems and who's not vulnerable at all,

But I binge eat to make myself feel happier,

And I feel like I finally understand why that is.

-Thank you so much. -You're welcome.

I finally feel empowered to gain back control over my life.

-All right. -It was wonderful.

Yay.

♪♪

♪♪

Greg: I hear you've been hypnotized.

-Yeah, I'm tired now. -Tell me about hypnotherapy.

-Tell me about what it is. -Dad knows nothing about it.

-Like... -Oh, my god.

Well, today was really, really interesting.

We did a past-life regression.

Past-life regression therapy?

You look skeptical to me.

Greg: jazz is open-minded,

But I don't know how useful it's gonna be

To get her b.m.i. Down.

So I went into my past life, and she said, "go back in time.

Take me to a life that will help me with binge eating."

Jeanette: I'm not quite sure exactly what past-life regression is.

Is she really going into her past life,

Or is she just exploring the id

Or whatever is in there deep within? [ Laughs ]

Whatever the case may be, as long as she's not binge eating,

I'm happy.

So I go into this life, and I was a guy,

And apparently I got kicked out of my home from my parents

Because they caught me sleeping with a man, 'cause I was gay,

And they didn't know, so they kicked me out of the house.

So I chose this path to live my life like everyone else did,

And it ended up making me unhappy.

And I think that my last life, I was so selfless

Because I wasn't able to pursue what I really wanted to do,

Which was be myself.

How does this translate to, like,

What you do in the real world?

Now that I'm starting to make

What seems like selfish decisions,

I'm really just trying to do things for myself

Just so I can be happy.

Well, like, lately, we've been talking about virtual school.

Mm-hmm.

Like, I think it would alleviate

A lot of the stress and pressure.

However, is that gonna hurt you guys?

I need to do this because I want to be a better and happier self.

Virtual school will help me with the challenges

I'm facing between my personal life and advocacy work.

Based on today's session, I feel like it's the right thing to do.

It's definitely not the traditional path,

But my life hasn't been traditional ever.

Jeanette: all right, well, dad and I will discuss it.

And we love you very much. Give me a hug.

Greg: although we're pretty traditional

When it comes to education,

We always make decisions that are in our kids' best interests,

And jazz is a little different.

She has a lot on her plate,

So we gotta think outside of the box.

Greg: don't worry.

You know, i-i... I see that she's --

Well, let's talk it through a little bit.

She's hurting.

♪♪

♪♪

It's so nice to be here with you, alone on a date.

You -- you know what? When the kids were little,

We got babysitters every saturday night

And went out, every saturday night.

And now we do nothing.

How long has it been since we had a date night, greg?

When's the last time we had no kids? [ Laughs ]

-Man: veal parmesan. -Jeanette: thank you.

-Man: my pleasure. -Greg: that looks good.

-Oh, whoa! -Man: it's absolutely fantastic.

Yummy.

So, um, the past-life regression

Kind of threw me for a loop.

That was very...interesting, to say the least.

She's looking for something in life to make her happy.

-Yeah. -And food is not the answer,

But we still have to decide what we're doing with school.

I wanted my last baby to graduate from a high school,

Not some thing in the air, some virtual thing.

Look, I think it's still a big decision.

I think it's really complicated.

The choice whether to allow jazz to do virtual school or not

Is a hard choice for us

Because it's not the traditional route,

So I want to make sure that she stays on track

And that she doesn't mess up her future.

The fact that she could do this online

And get college credits, all that is great.

I do feel that she needs to be somewhere.

School is not the right place for her.

Last time we were speaking,

We got so emotional about everything.

[ Crying ] I wasn't prepared for this,

And this is my life, too,

But I still have to make sure that she's okay every day,

And it's gonna be draining.

I don't know if I can handle it.

Has something -- has anything changed your mind?

Like, do you feel a little less emotion?

That emotional thing is still there. I'm pushing it away.

I came to terms with the fact

That this is not about me and my life.

It's about her.

If jazz feels so strongly about not going back to school,

I can't physically throw her in a car and drop her off

In a place she absolutely hates to be when she has a plan b.

I feel like, if we don't let her do this and fight it,

She's just gonna be miserable.

I just don't think we've ever had just a straight line

As it deals with jazz's life.

There's always been curveballs, and we've always had to adapt.

And she wants to do more advocacy now.

She's like, "now I can do more advocacy

And not feel stressed out about it."

But we need to just come to an understanding that --

That she's gonna have to have somewhat

Of a structured daily routine.

It's really important if jazz goes to virtual school

That we maintain some semblance of structure.

These studies need to ultimately enable her

To move on to college,

So we're gonna have to lay down some ground rules,

And jazz is gonna have to agree to those ground rules.

She's not gonna be happy about that,

But she can't have it all.

Yeah.

There's the principal of jazz's school.

-Hello. -Really?

[ Clenched teeth ] yeah. Mm-hmm. [Bleep]

♪♪

-Whoa. Hello! -Michaela: hey!

Look how cool this place is.

-How are you? -It's purple.

I love the purple.

I'm really excited to write and perform a song

With michaela for this campaign.

It carries a message that I'm really passionate about.

You know, it's about being yourself

And not letting the world tell you who you are,

And it makes me happy knowing that I'm reaching out the kids

Who need to hear that positive message.

I can't believe we're actually doing this.

It's going to be fun even though, like,

Obviously I'm not a professional like you.

The one thing I learned writing is that you go in

Without expectations and see what happens.

Where do you want to start?

Do you want to start with the chorus?

So, yeah, I already wrote, like, a whole song.

Oh, my gosh.

It's not that great, but, like, it's something

We could work with and edit, kind of just...

That makes everybody's jobs easier.

I have it on my phone.

Oh, my gosh.

See? Yay!

So the song is basically about, like,

How there should be a lot of freedom in this world.

However, a lot of us aren't able to be who we are.

However, break those stereotypes, break those bounds,

And let your freedom sing, and just...

♪ Be you, be free ♪ like that.

That's amazing. That's fantastic.

Wasn't it like...

♪ Be you ♪

♪ Be free ♪

That might be too high for me.

♪ Be you ♪

That's the note I was doing it...

-Okay. -...to feel comfortable for me.

♪ Be you ♪ play a g chord.

[ Strums chord ]♪ be you ♪

That's -- there it is, right there.

Michaela and jazz: ♪ be you ♪

That's your first chord.

♪ Be you, be free ♪

And then...

♪ Be exactly who you want to be ♪

And then...

♪ I'm all right with being me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

Your voice sounds fantastic.

-Girl! [ Bloop ]

Oh, I just got a text.

Oh, my god. It's victoria! Aah!

You're finally talking to her?

Yeah. She said, "hey, are you free this weekend?"

She has something in mind. Aah!

I'm really glad that jazz got the text from victoria

In front of me, seeing as, you know,

Slipped victoria into the whole situation.

Oh, she said, "I'll pick you up."

She's just, like, very straightforward.

She's like, "hey, we're doing this. I'm gonna pick you up."

So that feels date-y to me. It feels super date-y to me.

That's awesome!

Now that I know that I'm gonna be hanging out

With victoria again, it's definitely super exciting.

And I'm hoping that something

Really, really good comes out of this.

And it looks like you have songs anda date to plan for.

Oh, my god. So much going on.

-Jazz: hey. -Hi!

I'm feeling excited, but also a little bit nervous.

Like, I don't usually, like, have conversations in my car.

Is it homework if you go to virtual school?

Have you guys even thought about that yet?

We've been talking about it. We think that...

♪♪

♪♪

[ Caws ]

Jazz, what do you think?

Oh, my god.

You look like one of those gold diggers who's, like,

The wife of one of those, like, rich rappers.

[ Laughs ]

I'm excited for this date with victoria...

Oh, this is kind of cool.

I do like that, especially with the necklace.

...so I am browsing for potential outfits,

And noelle and jojo are here to help.

How's that going, by the way?

It's going well.

We're gonna hang out one-on-one.

Did you really mean "hang out,"

Or did you mean, like, "go on a date"?

I think we mutually agree it's, like, kind of, like,

A date basically.

Apparently, michaela says she's into me, so I don't know.

-And you're into her. -I think so.

I mean, I don't know her enough yet.

I'm such a personality person.

I mean, I definitely find her attractive for sure.

-She cute. -That's just, like...

That sounds kind of foreign to me

'Cause you've told me that you are interested in girls,

But I've never actually seen you be interested in a girl.

Is this the first girl you've been, like, attracted to?

No.

Well, then let me rephrase the question.

Is this the most attracted you've been to a girl?

Like, the biggest crush you've had?

Um...

I mean, probably.

-You guys have chemistry. -We're flirting with each other.

Yeah, we really like each other. We have similarities.

I don't know. Girl, you asking too many questions.

Noelle: jazz has always told me that she just wants

To let romance come to her,

But it always appeared to me that she rejects all signs

Of romance and potential affection.

And, for the first time, which is a bit shocking,

It seems like she has actually met someone.

Romance has come to her, and she's not rejecting it,

And whenever she talks about victoria,

She usually brightens up a little,

And I think that's really sweet to see.

There's so many t*nk tops. -I know.

I can't wear t*nk tops.

It's 'cause right here, it's, like...fatness.

I don't know. Lately, especially,

My body image issues have been kind of worse.

And in the back of my mind, it keeps looming, like,

Over me that maybe victoria won't like me

Because I'm overweight.

While I don't have any expectations,

I really am interested in victoria,

And everyone cares a little bit about finding someone

Who you are physically attracted to

Because it's a big component of being in a relationship,

That sexual attraction.

When I asked her to hang out,

I don't know if I called it a date,

So maybe she thinks we're just gonna hang out as friends.

Or maybe she is into me, so I'm not sure.

She agreed to go out with you on, like, a date or whatever,

So I think she's into you, too.

That is a hopeful perspective.

You do you.

♪♪

♪♪

What the hell is this?

Uh...

Mom, dad, there's something big at the door!

Greg: oh! Do you know what that is?

-Ah! -Oh, it's a bicycle.

-What? -Better get it out of the way.

Jeanette: be careful!

Greg: we ordered a stationary bike,

A recumbent bike.

-I knew you were gonna do that. -[ Laughs ]

I knew you were gonna say "recumbent bike."

Wait, so who's it for? All of us or...

I have a gym membership. He has a gym membership.

You don't, so we're gonna bring the gym to you.

Oh! You guys know I love riding the bike.

With the stationary bike in our house,

Jazz has absolutely no excuse not to exercise.

She should be down there every day, doing her thing.

So I can just watch tv and bike?

-And do homework and bike. -Yes.

Is it homework if you go to virtual school?

Have you guys even thought about that yet?

♪♪

We think that virtual school is a good option for you.

But we have a couple of things...

-You said "but." -No.

Well, you have a tendency to hibernate up in your room

And close the door.

Yeah, but now I'll just be doing schoolwork

While doing that at the same time.

Not quite that easy.

Here's the bottom line.

I'm sad that you're leaving school,

But I wanna make you happy.

You were miserable at school.

But I also have to be a good parent.

I know.

Honestly, this is a very tough decision for us.

As parents, jeanette and I feel like

It's our parental obligation to do right by our kids,

And sometimes that means not giving your kid their way.

Sometimes it means listening to your kid,

And we've made what we think of as a big concession.

But at the same time, in order for it to be great,

She needs to be able to concede certain things.

We just want to make sure you understand

That you gotta do stuff around the house.

Of course.

You know, it's not a free-for-all.

You gotta do chores.

You need to be as healthy as you could be.

Of course.

It'll be balanced.

Some structure, some freedom.

Okay.

Having my parents' permission to go to virtual school

Is a huge relief.

Thank you, guys,

Just for letting me do virtual school, though.

And you guys really are the best parents ever.

Jazz: this is something that I've wanted for a long time,

And now it's finally happening,

And I feel like it'll alleviate a lot of my stress

And allow me to complete my schooling

And continue to pursue different types of advocacy

Without that added pressure.

I got a chore for you. You mind?

-What? -Put your bike together.

Ohh. Duncan, will you help me?

♪♪

-Thank you. -Man: welcome.

Jazz: I definitely think victoria is pretty,

And I hope she thinks the same way about me.

But, like, I have to lose pounds for the surgery.

So what's the surgery for?

Um...

The gender confirmation surgery.

♪♪

♪♪

Jazz: hey, girly!

Hey! How are you?

I'm okay, a little nervous.

Jazz: I'm feeling both excited and anxious

To perform this song.

It's important, and it's gonna help people out there.

Let's get ready.

-Start warming up! -[ Trilling ]

But it's something new and different for me,

So I have that anxiety.

♪♪

-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. -Hey.

Greg: you know, it's interesting.

As a parent, I think any time you watch your kid do anything,

There's a certain sense of anxiousness.

♪♪

[ Amplified voice ] I've got a very dear friend

Who started writing this song

That I thought was absolutely perfect

For what the "be you" campaign is all about.

Give it up for jazz jennings.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Jazz, if you don't mind,

I'd love for you to share how the inspiration

For us doing this came about.

Well, as some of you may know, I am transgender,

Which means I was born into the wrong body.

And I felt uncomfortable with myself

And I always knew I was different.

And I just wanted to be a girl

And live my life authentically and be myself.

And so many times in school,

You know, we're told that we have to follow the norms.

We have to just do what everyone else does, but I disagree.

I think you could just always love who you are,

And that's what this song embodies.

-It's about being you. -We hope you enjoy it.

[ Cheers and applause ] -you ready?

Oh, yeah!

♪ We live in a world with so much choice ♪

♪ We live in a world with so much voice ♪

♪ Why is it that endlessly ♪

♪ None of us can be who we want to be? ♪

Both: [ harmonizing ] ♪ be you ♪

♪ Be free ♪

♪ Be exactly who you want to be ♪

♪ Be you ♪

♪ Be free ♪

♪ And I'm all right with being me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

Greg: jazz sounds great.

Jazz never ceases to amaze us and surprise us.

She has so many talents.

Jeanette: just looking at jazz through different eyes like,

"Wow, she's a singer!

Like, she is an excellent singer."

♪ Stand up strong and love who you are ♪

♪ And throw that love to the nearest star ♪

Jazz is cool.

The creativity came from who she was.

-Jacky: who she is. -What do you think?

From the time that jazz evolved publicly, this has been it,

And this is just another great stepping-stone along the way.

Both: ♪ be you ♪

♪ Be free ♪

♪ Be exactly who you want to be ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I love being me ♪

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Chuckles ]

Jazz: finishing the song meant a lot to me

Because I was able to spread a positive message

To these kids about being who you are,

And we all do need to find acceptance.

That was beautiful.

It just felt very powerful and meaningful,

And it's definitely gonna be something

That I'll always remember.

-Jack: no, I am amazed. -Her god-given talent, huh?

I don't know how you measure that.

How did mozart? What did he come from?

♪♪

Greg: what's going on today?

Jazz is going on a date with victoria.

She's going on a date? Do you know where they're going?

Mm-hmm. Nope. I don't know if jazz knows where they're going.

Has jazz even talked about it,

Or has she just told you that they're going on a date?

No, she hasn't talked much about it at all.

This is her first date with a girl, though.

She seems to really like her.

It'd be nice if this, like, led to something.

She's never had a relationship.

She doesn't go past, like, the first date.

Yeah, but don't overdo it.

I mean, let her just live her life.

Let her go hang out, have some fun.

-I don't say anything to her. -Don't put any pressure on her.

-I'm not. -Don't overanalyze it. Don't --

I am not. I'm saying this toyou.

Jeanette: I know that jazz has always wanted to know

What it's like to be in love.

And she really hasn't had much luck in the love department,

So it would be nice if they have a little romance going on.

[ Knock on door ] -someone at the door?

Jazz: I got it.

-She got it. -Oh, she seems anxious.

-Hi! -Hey.

-How are you? -Good. How are you?

I'm feeling excited but also a little bit nervous

Because this is my first one-on-one date

That I've ever been on with a girl,

And it feels different

Because I definitely like victoria.

-You're a senior? -Mm-hmm.

You going through the process of applying to school and...

Fortunately, yes.

What are you thinking about studying?

-Premed. -Jazz: trauma surgeon.

-Yes, trauma surgeon. -Jeanette: oh, my goodness.

-Who's driving today? -Me, I'm driving. Yes.

Jeanette: my first impression of victoria was really good.

She felt very comfortable speaking to greg and i,

Which is nice.

She wasn't nervous or jittery like,

"Oh, I'm meeting the parents."

Greg: victoria seems like a very sweet girl,

And just watching jazz with her,

I see that there's the makings of a good friendship or more.

I don't know.

Where are you guys off to today?

We're going boating.

-Greg: really? -That's news to me.

-I didn't know boating. -Jeanette: oh, you're so lucky.

Jeanette: I think it's pretty cool that victoria

Is taking jazz out on a boat ride.

It could be very romantic, like a gondola in venice.

-Oh, really? [ Laughs ] -really. [ Laughs ]

[ Door rattle]

Jazz: I'm not that surprised that victoria drives a jeep

Because I feel like it fits her personality.

It's kind of like that cool, rough, edgy...

I don't -- I don't know.

Now I'm giving personality traits to a car.

Wait, so do people call you tori, or do they call you...

People call me vic.

Is it vik with a "k" or...

-Nope, just vic, just vic. -Just vic, like, okay.

I really want to focus on conversation

And being present in the moment,

But this jeep is really, really loud.

This car is so fricking loud! [ Laughs ]

-I know. I'm sorry. -It's okay.

Like, I don't usually, like, have conversations in my car

Because it's like, I don't want to break your ear.

-Yeah. -[ Speaks indistinctly ] yeah.

♪♪

Jazz: it's a little bit awkward.

I keep on telling myself that everything's gonna be okay,

We're gonna have a good time.

But this date is off to a bumpy start.

♪♪

♪♪

Honestly, jazz is a little bit hard to read.

Are you excited for college, for your senior year?

I'm ready to go to college.

I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up,

What I'm going to study.

Like, she can be super sarcastic

But also, like, mean it at the same time,

So I'm not really sure.

I feel like I'm just gonna do volunteer work forever.

But how are you going to get money?

I'm going to marry someone rich, yay!

Okay, good plan, good plan.

-Yes, good plan. -Yes.

So I think she's having fun with me, but also, like,

I could be so wrong. [ Laughs ]

-We're here. Yay. -Jazz: we're here?

-Yep. -Yay, nice.

I'm happy that we're going on a boat ride for this date

Because that will give us the opportunity

To talk to one another and really focus on conversation

And being present in the moment.

-Thank you. -Man: welcome.

Jazz: I definitely think victoria is pretty,

And I am attracted to her,

And I hope she thinks the same way about me.

Oh! Comfy.

-Here we go, yay! -Yay!

♪♪

This is so cute. It's so relaxing.

Yeah, it is. Your parents are so nice.

They're really chill, and your mom's adorable.

I know. My dad's not adorable?

He's, like, he looks serious.

Like, he looks like he's, like, a no-b.s. Type of guy.

Yeah, he can be sometimes.

This is so nice. Imagine living here.

If you go further out, there's, like, the really,

Really expensive, like, big mansions, like, on the water.

-Yeah. -Oh, look.

[ Both laugh ]

Jazz: I'm so relieved because now I feel like

Victoria and I are finally clicking,

And, you know, the conversation is going very smoothly.

We're just being ourselves, being natural and authentic,

And that's exactly what I was hoping for.

My dream house is, like, fantasy cottage

In a mystical woods near the ocean.

No? No? Okay, that's just me.

[ Both laugh ]

Mine is, like, apartment with concrete floors.

Like, really industrial.

I don't plan on having, like, kids ever, so, like,

I'm good with a studio apartment.

You never want kids?

Like, I don't know.

Like, I just don't see myself with children.

Maybe that will change in the future.

You never know.

I just feel like I have a lot of love to give,

And I want to give that to kids, so...

That's sweet.

Jazz: as victoria and I continue to talk,

We find out that we're opposites in a lot of ways,

And I'm completely fine with that.

And while we have different interests in certain regards,

I think that's okay because opposites attract.

I brought some baby carrots and some ranch,

So I'm gonna get those out.

I shouldn't be eating ranch 'cause, like...

-Because what? -'Cause ranch is unhealthy.

And I'm supposed to be losing weight, but...

Why?

Um...

I -- well, like, I have to lose pounds for the surgery,

And it's, like, really stressful.

-? That's a lot. -, Yeah.

So what's the surgery for?

Um...

It's, like, the gender confirmation surgery.

It's called different names, but basically

It's when they invert my genitals

Into a vag*na and whatever, all that.

Jazz: I'm really open with all people.

However, I feel like it's important

That I'm especially open with victoria

Just because I'm transgender,

And we could potentially pursue a relationship.

Have you ever dated someone who's transgender?

No, but I have, like...

-You have friends? -Yeah, I have friends.

Is that weird for you, the idea of dating a transperson

Or being pansexual, like, it doesn't matter?

Being pansexual, like, literally nothing matters.

Okay, good.

The fact that jazz is transgender

Does not faze me at all in the slightest.

There's no way or form that it could ever faze me.

I think that's honestly just, like,

Another characteristic of her just like how she has siblings.

It's just another fact.

Do you mostly date, like, guys or girls?

I mostly date girls.

Like, I'll go on dates with guys, but, like...

You're more attracted to girls, you're saying?

I'm, like, more mentally attracted to girls,

-So that's... -Oh, my god.

That's what I say, too.

I'm like, "I'm physically attracted to guys

"Probably a little bit more,

But I'm more emotionally attracted to girls."

Oh, no, I'm definitely more physically attracted to girls,

Mentally and physically.

♪♪

Jazz: I just -- I like being around her.

I really feel like that mutual attraction is present.

[ Both laugh ]

Victoria: I'm looking forward to hanging out with jazz again.

Maybe there's a party coming up that we could go to...

Perhaps.

Jazz: this date honestly went better

Than anything that I could've hoped for.

I think we both took great selfies.

Jazz: we didn't kiss or anything and we haven't openly discussed,

Like, our feelings for each other or whatever.

However, I really like her.

-I had a really good time. -That's good. I'm glad.

It'd be bad if you didn't.

Well, I didn't really have that good of a time.

[ Both laugh ]

Jazz: I really have hope for this relationship.

Yay.

No, for real, I did have a good time, though.

Good. I'm glad.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Next time on the season finale of "I am jazz"...

Have you given any thought about what you want for your birthday?

Do you think I could get a tattoo?

Let's give her the green light, please.

No, let's not give the green light.

Jayleen: jazz usually doesn't celebrate her birthday doing much,

So I do not think jazz has any idea

What's about to happen today.

Oh, my god.

Jazz: since the last time I spoke to dr. Bowers,

I've been in this constant yo-yo battle

Of losing weight and gaining weight.

If you're running at a higher b.m.i. Than we want,

It's gonna be problem.

I cannot do surgery if you are not perfect.

I've been thinking about this wedding vow thing.

Greg: I really want to surprise jeanette

For our th anniversary.

Right now, she thinks we're going to club med

To celebrate my birthday,

But really we're renewing mom's vows.

-No! -Yes!

Aah!