[rock music]
- Okay, this guy set his
ex-girlfriend's piano on fire.
- That sucks, but I
got music to your ears.
This car is parked in
front of a fire hydrant.
- [laughs]
- hey yo!
- Hello, beautiful.
- Are you kidding me? A lambo.
- Do we push it out of the way?
- Probie, there is no more
offensive violation than
Parking in front of a hydrant,
especially in this car.
- You know, we legally get
to smash both the windows
And hook the hose
up to the hydrant.
- Yeah we do.
[chuckles]
- Rock, paper,
scissors. Oh-oh.
- There's too many of
us. Let's do odd finger.
Ones and twos on throw. Ready?
One, two, three, throw.
- Oh, mickleberry, you
lucky son of a bitch.
- Is it really that good?
- Does a penguin
sh*t in the ice?
- Come on. There's
something on fire.
Let's go.
- Mickleberry, enjoy yourself.
You'll always remember
your first time.
- [sighs]
♪ ♪
[groans]
- [laughs]
- Sorry probie, you don't
have the proper tool.
- Yeah, there you go, cap.
- Allow me to finish it off.
[laughter]
- Show him how it's done, cap.
- [groans]
- ooh, whoo!
- [laughs]
- that made my knees buckle.
- How'd that feel, big boy, huh?
- Come on, come on, come on.
♪ ♪
All: [moaning]
- That is such a good doorgasm.
- Look at that.
It was unlocked this whole time.
Who'd leave a car
like this unlocked?
- Who cares?
Anybody have a cigarette?
[foreigner's "hot blooded"]
♪ ♪
- ♪ well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
♪ check it and see ♪
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪
- Are you wearing new cologne?
- I am wearing
something new, yes,
But it's not cologne.
It's body spray.
- Same thing.
- No, it's not the same thing.
It's only cologne
If it comes from the
cologne region of germany.
Just like it's only champagne
If it comes from the
champagne region of France.
- Oh, it's like kleenex.
It's only kleenex if it
Comes from the kleenex
region of luxembourg.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It was in last week's wordle.
- I didn't even realize that's
how you pronounce luxembourg.
- Hey, look who I found.
- Hey, it's the commiss.
- It's finally official.
The penisi legacy
will live forever.
- Oh, you freezing your sperm?
[laughs]
- Shut up, terry. The
city is naming the street
Outside the station
after my father giuseppe
To honor his service
as a firefighter.
- Oh.
- It's finally certified.
- Congratulations.
- Giuseppe penisi way. Hmm.
They should've just
gone with penisi street.
Am I right?
- [laughs]
That would've been hilarious.
- Hmm.
- Lucy, how I wish you'd
have met my father.
- Hmm.
- Giuseppe penisi was
So full of moral fiber, he
literally shat the truth.
- Oh, sounds like a
hell of a party trick.
[laughs]
- it's true though.
Giuseppe penisi wrote
The tacoma firefighter code.
"as a firefighter, I will
serve the public trust
"with honor and integrity...
All: "and vow to always protect
tacoma's people and property
"through the
faithful performance
"of my duties in
the fire service."
- Always have services for all.
- That man lived his
life by the code.
Unlike my jerk offspring
here who wastes his life
Pulling moronic pranks
And setting his own
station on fire.
- What the hell, dad?
We were having fun.
- I'm only kidding.
I'm in a great mood.
From this moment forward,
this station now resides
At 4791 giuseppe penisi way.
- You know, I still
remember the day he d*ed.
He chased me around the
garden with a bug sprayer and
An orange peel in his mouth
and then he had a heart att*ck.
- Wasn't that marlon
brando in the "godfather?"
- Where do you think
they got it from?
That's how cool giuseppe was.
- Tootles.
- Learn the firefighter code.
♪ ♪
- One week old corn on the cob
From buck-an-ear
day at pirate world.
Bidding starts at $10.
- No way! Maybe 50.
- Ten. I got it for ten.
- Whoa. Winner.
Ike, my friend, you may eat it.
[all chanting: "eat it!"]
- [laughs] wow.
[groans] that looks nasty.
[all chanting: "eat it!"]
[cheers and groans]
- Open wide.
[cheering]
He did it! Whoo.
- Yeah.
[gags]
- all right, man.
- Okay, guys. This one
is hot off the press.
This is my dad's emergency candy
That he keeps in his wallet.
The wrapper is dissolved
and it spends about
Ten hours a day pressed up
against the warmth of his ass.
Who will eat it for $20?
- 20. I got it for
- Dude, have some self-respect.
You've eaten everything
today in an opening bid.
- It's called winning.
[laughs]
No, I also do need to recoup
The $20,000 I lost in
the station fire, so...
- How's that going?
- Pretty good.
I'm up to $16,000 now,
which is not too shabby.
But this time I'm keeping all
my money locked in the bank.
[chuckles] and here
comes another easy 20.
You know what I'm saying?
- Oh, eat it, bitch.
- Philly, philly,
foo. All: [groaning]
- That's literally chief's
ass in your mouth right now.
- I'm just gonna chew it.
- What does it taste like?
- Toothpaste and feet.
- [gags]
- oh, I feel nauseous.
- Man, that was gross.
- Okay.
I have the next eat-it.
- He always has good ones.
- Ah, delivery for station 24.
[laughs]
[vocalizes]
- I don't get it.
It's just a pizza.
- This is not just any pizza.
When we first started
playing, I ordered this pizza.
And then two minutes
later, I called them back
And screamed my ass off at them
that it was taking too long.
- Man, that thing is covered in
all sorts of bodily functions.
- Correct.
[laughs]
It's gonna be super gross.
- [groans]
Hey-yo.
- Whoa, chief's on the floor.
- [groans]
Oh, you guys, check this out.
The workers found this locker
When they were
doing the rebuild.
It was hidden inside the wall.
- Oh, cool.
- Weird?
- Hey, pizza.
- Oh, uh...
- Oh, look at this.
- Chief, chief, chief.
- I'm starving.
All: [groaning]
- Is there vinegar on this?
- Mm.
- I'll get back to you
later. Okay, here we go.
Ready? [grunts]
- Well done.
- Drumroll please.
- [laughs]
- wow.
- Oh, wow.
- Whoa.
It's a tacoma
telegraph from 1933.
- Oh, it's like a sports
almanac from 1933.
Cool. Yo, guys, we could use
this to bet on these games.
You know?
- It doesn't work that way.
- That's not what I said, cap.
I said we could look at this
To know the scores
of the old games.
What, mickleberry?
- I'll tell you what though.
This thing is cool. It's
like a time capsule.
- What's this guy?
- Hopefully, it's a
treasure map or something.
- No, it's a painting.
- Great. Art. Boring!
- Hey, wait a second.
Does this say, "rembrandt?"
- Yeah, it's a
rembrandt. It's not real.
- It seems kind of real.
♪ ♪
- Here's something
about a fire at...
What's tacomoa?
- The tacoma museum of art.
- Okay. "in 1933, a three-alarm
blaze destroyed a section
"of the tacomoa and
several works of art,
"including one rembrandt.
Portrait of a man
with plumed hat."
- Yeah and this dude is
definitely this dude here
With the weak-ass moustache.
- Do you think this
is a real rembrandt?
- Holy sh*t, it's right here.
"the tacoma museum of art
caught fire yesterday.
"many valuable pieces
of art were destroyed.
"if not for the brave
firemen of station 24,
Many more pieces
would've been lost."
- Whoa, guys.
- I think whoever owns
This footlocker
stole this painting.
- Well, there's got to be
a name on this footlocker.
Let's find out who the
dirty firefighter is.
- Yeah.
♪ ♪
- Holy sh*t.
- Oh, my god.
My grandfather is
the dirty firefighter
Who stole this painting.
♪ ♪
- Giuseppe was a man of honor.
I can't believe he broke
the firefighter code.
- I can. You know how
much a rembrandt is worth?
We're talking like
eight figures.
- What?
Okay, to put that
into perspective,
My tips at the club
are one figures.
- Says here in artistic af
that a lost da vinci painting
Recently sold to a saudi
prince for 450 million.
- Come on.
- Yes.
- We could buy our
own sports cars.
- Lucy, this is your
great grandfather
We're talking about. He
committed a major crime.
- Firefighter
giuseppe penisi said,
"I turned and saw the flames
reach the man in the plumed hat
And as the paint melted, it
was as if the man was crying."
- Probably had the painting
In his turnout coat
as he was lying.
- Yeah, let's not cry over
spilled milk here, g*ng, okay?
Let's sell it.
- Hey!
No one is selling anything.
- Okay.
- And no one is saying
anything, you got it?
- I got it, cap. I was...
♪ ♪
I wasn't the only one
who wanted to sell it.
Why is he yelling at me?
- Devil's advocate here.
How do you even sell
a stolen rembrandt?
You can't exactly
list it on ebay.
- No, we could. We could, guys.
We could sell it
at, like, the park.
- The park?
- Or the airport.
I see limousines there all
the time full of rich dudes.
Rich dudes love art. Come on.
- Well, there's
always the dark web.
I can help you poke
around a little.
See if there's any interest
from the underground buyers.
- What is the dark
web? Is it real?
- Oh, it's real all right.
- Everything I've heard
about the dark web
Sounds super sketch.
- It isn't all bad.
It's just unregulated.
The basic principle is that
you're masking your ip address
With a vpn and using
the tor browser
To access unpublished sites,
But fair warning,
one wrong click
And you might see horrible
things you can't unsee.
- Will you just do it already?
- All right.
We're in.
- Wait. Like, in-in.
We're in the dark web?
Oh, that was easy.
- Yeah, now, we just decide
where we're gonna go.
- Are there any eat-it videos?
- Hmm, let's see.
Yeah, lots.
Oh, looks like a
whole community.
- Oh, wow.
Click on this one.
- Okay.
- Oh, well, you're
not doing it right.
That's a hamster.
- Oh.
- [laughter]
- wait.
Why's it on a plate?
What is happening?
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, he's eating it.
He's eating it alive.
- Oh, my god, no.
[screaming] turn it off.
Turn it off. Turn
it off. Turn it off.
- No more of this crap.
The dark web is officially
banned in this station.
- I think it's officially
banned worldwide.
- Well, it's officially
banned here too.
- That's what I was gonna say!
What the hell, man?
- [sighs]
- How you doing?
- [sighs]
Terry, I don't know what to do.
- You gotta return that painting
Is what you got to do.
- Yeah, if I do that,
Everybody's gonna know
giuseppe was a thief.
- On the other hand, you
return that painting,
Everyone in the world
will know your name.
You'll be on the cover
of ethical af magazine
In a plumed hat.
- I appreciate you trying
to appeal to my ego,
But this is so much
bigger than that.
- Bigger than your
ego? Impossible.
[laughs] come on.
- This'll disgrace my family,
and it'll crush my father.
- What about this angle?
This of all the
art sex you'll get.
You've never done well
with the art lovers.
- [scoffs] please,
I've had plenty of art chicks.
Tatianna, phoebe, imogen,
pangea, paloma, frieda,
Boheme, aria, echo, donatella,
raphaella to name a few.
- That's a lot.
[chuckles]
It's like the cast
of "game of thrones."
- You know what? I just
need time to think.
- Well, don't think too hard.
I don't want you to burn
the station down again.
- [laughs] actually,
that wasn't me.
That was wolf.
[door shuts] [sighs]
♪ ♪
- Okay.
Captainbigballs947.
"will consider eating
The dead bird if
it's not too big."
- Hey, what's wrong
with the router?
- Hey, man.
- What are you doing, ike?
- Oh, nothing. Just
fooling around, you know?
Just watching some videos of
Eat-it on the dark web.
- Are you crazy? Did
you even use the vpn?
- Yeah, dude. I used the vpn.
Like, is that the vpn?
- Ike, you can't mess
around with this stuff.
It's the wild west on there.
- I'm not messing
around, mickleberry.
Do you have any idea
what they're paying
To watch people eat stuff?
I'll make my
savings back easily.
Look at this.
$4,000 to eat a...
[groans] I mean, I can't
do that one, but...
- Please tell me you didn't
give anyone your info.
- No. God no.
I'm not an idiot.
I mean, you do have to create
an account, so there's a few...
- You added a profile pic?
- Yeah. Why? Is that bad?
- Yeah. What's your password?
I'm scrubbing you right now.
- Okay, okay. God. It's
the one I always use.
It's my social security number.
Super easy. Four, four...
[buzzing]
- sh*t. sh*t.
- Hey, ike.
Someone just called the station
and asked if you were here.
They sounded kind of weird.
- Oh, that's crazy.
[laughs]
- Ike, what have you done?
- What? Nothing.
[alarm blaring]
- They found us.
- That's the guy I
was messaging with.
That's his profile pic.
[ominous music]
- [groans]
- [sighs]
[soft music]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
♪ ♪
- What's the matter, eddie?
You don't like-a the meatballs?
- Uh, they're good, grandpa.
- Eh, be honest.
- They're a little spicey.
I don't want to
hurt your feelings.
- Eddie, always tell the truth
No matter what.
Whenever you feel lost,
You follow the fireman's code.
It'll never lead you astray.
Let's say it together.
Both: "as a fireman, I
will serve the public trust
"with honor and integrity
"and vow to always protect
tacoma's people and property
"through the
faithful performance
Of my duties in
the fire service."
Hey, that's-a my grandson.
Hey, let's go out
into the garden
On this ridiculously hot day,
And I'ma chase you
around. Look at this.
[growls and laughs]
- [laughs]
- [growls]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- [groans] mm.
Five second rule.
- Where'd you come from?
- I heard the meatball
hit the floor.
- That was fast.
- You snooze, you lose.
It's a good meatball.
♪ ♪
- [sighs] I got
to talk to my dad.
[alarm blaring]
- May I help you?
- Is ike crystal here?
- Um...
There's no ike crystal here.
- I was wondering if
he'd eat this in person,
If that's okay.
It arouses me.
- What?
- How much?
- How much does it arouse you?
- No. No. How much money?
- What's in that case?
- Oh, a puppy.
I'd figure we'd start
small. [dog whines]
- Oh, f*ck no.
- Dude, what the hell?
Why... get out of here, man.
- What are you thinking?
- How much money did he say?
- He said he wanted
you to eat a puppy.
- He must be nuts. How much?
- He didn't say. I
didn't let him say it.
- I mean, what if it's
a million dollars?
I mean, I wouldn't eat a
puppy. I'm not saying that.
- Here. Come on.
[dog barks]
[screams]
sh*t. sh*t. sh*t!
♪ ♪
- Hey. How's it going?
- Ike, this is getting scary.
You have 2,000
messages from people
All around the world
wanting you to eat stuff.
- Wait. What?
[chuckles]
- Like this guy inviting you
To a rhino d*ck dinner,
But it's byord.
- There's a lunatic outside
that wanted ike to eat puppies.
- Ike, this has to end now.
- I know. That's
what I was saying.
This has to end,
like, right now.
Hey, come on, guys.
[a*t*matic voice]
shall we play a game?
- Yeah, sure.
- No!
- No!
- Sorry. I know.
[phone buzzing]
Ooh, granny, fbi.
- The feds.
[groans]
- Don't an... oh.
- Hello?
- Ike crystal, this is
special agent williamson
From the fbi. You've
been compromised
By criminal hackers
on the dark web.
- Ooh, that wasn't
me. That was andy.
The new andy who's the probie.
Not the old andy
'cause there's two.
I don't want you to be confused.
- We know. We're the fbi.
- Ah, sorry. Of course.
- We're going to protect you,
But you need to answer
a few questions first.
What is your
mother's maiden name,
In what city were you born,
And the name of your first pet.
- Chalamet, tacoma, raphael.
- Thank you, sir.
All traces of your profile
On the dark web have
now been deleted.
- Oh, my god. Thank you.
Thank you so much, fbi.
- Whoo. That was touch and go.
- I was freaking out, you
guys. I can let you know now.
It didn't seem like it,
but I was losing my mind.
I was so scared.
[phone buzzes]
Oh, the fbi is calling back.
- Ike crystal, this is special
agent navarra of the fbi.
- Okay.
- Any minute now,
You will be contacted by
a hacker from the dark web
Impersonating the
fbi. Whatever you do,
Do not answer any
of their questions.
♪ ♪
- [gasps]
- Ah, man. Fool me
once, shame on me.
Fool... fool me twice,
two get bit by a snake.
♪ ♪
- You're saying my
father's a thief.
- [laughs] I know.
It's hard to stomach.
- Turkey meatballs
are hard to stomach.
- He stole that painting.
We need to do the right
thing and give it back.
- My father's name
will be ruined.
- But he broke the
firefighter code.
If giuseppe penisi couldn't
follow the code that he wrote,
Then everything I've believed
my whole life is a lie.
- Don't you dare! My
father taught me that code.
Destroy that painting.
- It's worth, like,
half a billion dollars.
- Destroy it.
And if you tell
anybody about this...
You're dead to me.
♪ ♪
[alarm blaring]
- [groans]
- You know what?
Stop right there.
What's in that bag?
- You ike crystal?
- What's in the bag?
- [chuckles]
It's whatever you want it to be.
- Tell me what it is.
- Okay. It's a costume.
It's a dolphin.
You b*at me up,
I go home, what's the problem?
- Oh, man, you know what?
Get the hell out
of here, all right?
And don't come back.
- [moans]
- Wait, wait, wait, easy.
He's got to pay us first.
- Okay, just let me put this on,
You rub my blowhole,
You bitch-slap me
like five times,
I'll give you 1,000 bucks.
- Don't do it, granny.
It's not worth it.
- Oh, actually, it's... Wait.
[moaning like dolphin chatter]
[clears throat] thanks, guys.
- What'd you say?
- No, no, no.
- I mean, get out of here.
You freak! [chuckles]
Sorry about that,
man. I had no idea...
- Dude, what?
[beeping]
- Someone's in your
bank account, ike.
They're using rapid transfers
to drain your balance.
- What? This is why people
hide their money in mattresses.
- It's not good.
- Come on.
No, no, no. What's happening?
What? No. What is this?
Mickleberry, mickleberry,
do something!
- I can't. Whoever this
is, he's really good.
I think he's north korean.
- Mickleberry.
Mickleberry, what's happening?
♪ ♪
Is that it?
- I'm sorry, ike.
They got it all.
Plus, I think
you've been evicted,
Which really doesn't
matter because
You're no longer
a u.S. Citizen.
- I guess I still
got my health, right?
- But not your medical records.
- That's it. We're ending
this once and for all.
- No, no, no, no, no.
That was my graduation gift.
- I'm sorry, bro.
- I was mining
bitcoin on that, man.
- Oh, will you show
me how that works?
When you get a new computer.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the giuseppe penisi
Street naming ceremony.
Our first speaker will be
Captain eddie penisi jr.
- You all right?
- Never been worse.
- [chuckles]
- Attention, everyone, please.
Station 24 recently came
upon some information
Which may affect
today's ceremony.
- I'll take it from here.
- Dad, I'm sorry, but
I'm gonna do this.
- I got something to say.
Good afternoon.
The captain here
Thinks he's about to
do the right thing,
And he is.
Go ahead, son. Open
up that painting.
This is the rembrandt painting
That was presumed lost in
the tacomoa fire of 1933.
As you can see, it did not burn.
In fact, it was stolen
By my father,
Giuseppe penisi.
All: [gasping]
- The shame this has
brought on the penisi name
In unbearable,
But it pales in comparison
to the pride I feel
For my son,
Edward penisi jr.
You see,
We came here today to celebrate
The man I thought was
the greatest penisi,
When in fact,
The greatest penisi
Was standing right
here all along.
I love you, eddie jr.
- I love you, too, dad.
[applause]
[both crying]
[inspiring music]
- I did... oh, okay.
Okay, okay.
- Aww... Ooh!
Okay.
- [sobbing]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- [mouths words]
[laughter]
- that's a keeper.
[laughter]
- yeah.
- Look at these two guys.
[laughter]
It's like a bromance.
- Yeah.
- Whoa. There they are.
- This is gonna be great, man.
I can't wait to look at these.
[laughter]
- Hi, folks. I'm
marjorie fontaine
With the tacoma museum of art.
- Marjorie, it's a pleasure.
I'm captain eddie penisi.
This is my father,
commissioner eddie penisi sr.
- How do you do?
- Captain, you don't
need an introduction.
It's a pleasure to
meet two heroes.
- [chuckles]
- oh, it is so beautiful.
Thank you for returning it.
- I wonder if there's
gonna be a reward.
- Of course there's a reward.
That's what happens when
you do the right thing.
The question is how much?
- Oh.
- Um, did you guys look at this?
- Uh, yeah. Quite
a bit actually.
- Yup.
♪ ♪
- [scoffs]
- giuseppe?
- It's a fake.
- What?
- Are you kidding me?
- Holy sh*t.
- He didn't steal the painting.
He made a copy and did this.
It's a prank.
- [chuckles]
Oh, yeah. Okay, well, I'll
never do the right thing again.
- I don't think that's
the takeaway here.
- Yeah, it is.
Although he lost
the street name,
So I think the joke's on him.
- No.
No. He got us.
He got us good.
And that's the penisi way.
- Okay.
- Ah, he's right.
[laughter]
- Giuseppe.
[laughter]
04x03 - The Penisi Way
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Without many fires to extinguish (due to Tacoma being one of America's wettest cities), the firefighters are always ready to fight fires… but they end up tackling the less-glamorous elements of the job.
Without many fires to extinguish (due to Tacoma being one of America's wettest cities), the firefighters are always ready to fight fires… but they end up tackling the less-glamorous elements of the job.