02x11 - I Did Not Raise Him to be a Teenager

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola
- Your husband is coming to America.


- What? Tayo wants to pick Dele up from school.

Ah, he could not get the lioness.

And now he set his sights on the cub.

Dele is my son.

That is true.

But do not forget.

I am the one raising him.

That reminds me, I could use a new steamer.

I will send you a photo of the one I want.

For your birthday? For Dele to bring.

What are you talking about? When he comes to visit Nigeria with his father.

Nobody talked to me about this.

Well, Tayo talked to me.

It is not his decision.

Hey, you don't want Dele to come see his own grandmother? You want a stranger to bring my steamer? I will tell your father that you do not want to go.

But I do.


- What?
- I want to go with my dad.

Please, Mum.

It's only for the summer.

This is really what you want? Yes, Mum.

I see.


- UNCLE TUNDE: Who is it?
- It's Bob.

Is there anyone else with you? No, just me.

Are you sure? I didn't see you check.

I am the only one in the hallway.

I'll let you in, but be quick.

Can you open the door a little more? What is going on? I am not to let anyone in who could be a relative of Tayo.

Do I look like a relative of Tayo? You will regret coming here.

You can cut the tension with an obe.

Obe means Kn*fe.

Got it.

I don't think you do "got it.

" Because you are still here.

Does this have anything to do with Dele going to Nigeria? It is about him not going.

Abishola has gone against his father's wishes and forbidden it.

Well, she is his mother.

And Tayo is his father.

And you're his uncle.

What are we doing? Oh, it's not good, Bob.

The families are upset.

Olu is upset.

My stomach is upset.

Well, how's Dele? Who cares? All I know is that Abishola was short with Olu.

And that is tempting the devil.

And if you say I called Olu the devil, I will call you a liar.

I'll go talk to Abishola.

Oh, be careful.

Sometimes when we try to help, we are adding petirolu to the fire.

Petirolu means fuel.

Got it.

He doesn't got it.

Hey there.

Hello.

Smells delicious.

Thank you.

So, uh, small question Dele is not going to Nigeria.

My decision is final.

Okay.

I have raised him by myself, and his father cannot just swoop in and take him away.

Right.

All of this happened because you forced me to let Dele have a choice in things.

Well, I don't know that I forced you You're right.

It's all my fault.

I am his mother.

And I know what is best for him.

Not Tayo.

Not Auntie.

Not Dele.

Got it.


- Do you still have a question?
- I do not.

Good.

I'll be out there.

By the way, you look beautiful tonight.

All right.


("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING) Well, you know dinner's good when everybody's quiet.


(CHUCKLES) Real good.

Any more of that wine, Tunde? Nope.

Glad you liked it.

I stopped tasting it three glasses ago.

I never even got a chance to taste it.

It's not very good.

Why are you not eating your food? I'm not hungry.

I made this food and you will eat it.

I'm not hungry.

Just because you are upset about Nigeria does not mean you will be disrespectful to me.

Eat your food.

No, thank you.


(BOTH GASP)
- I'll take some more peas.


-
(CLEARS THROAT): Uh
-uh.

You will do as I say.


(BOTH GASP) What's going on? Open rebellion.

Since you do not want to eat your food, I will throw it in the garbage.

Ah
-ah! Give it here.

You will sit there and suffer while I eat your portion.

I'm sorry you had to see this.

I don't even know what I'm watching.

Right here's fine.

I figure she'll calm down soon and want Dele to have his things back.

What did her son do? Didn't eat dinner.


- That she prepared?
- Yeah.

He will not be seeing these things again.

She even took his Air Jordans.

Oh, it is better than what my mother did with my shoes.

She would throw them at me.


- You're kidding.


- No.

One time, I was standing at a bus stop, she drove past and hit me right between the eyes with one of my loafers.

A drive
-by shoeing.

My mother would punish me by making me sleep on the roof and wear my sister's clothes to school.

Boy, that makes a shoe to the face feel like an upgrade.

It wasn't all bad.

I developed a love for astronomy and found out I could wear the hell out of a pencil skirt.

These experiences helped us learn and become better people.

So you do that kind of thing with your kids? Of course not.

It is child abuse.

Ah! Dele was such a good boy.

He was.

And now I have lost him.

You have.

Child, listen, you can't blame yourself.

I do not.

Okay then.

The boy was silent and obedient before his father arrived.

It could be that.

Or just that you've got yourself a teenager now.

I did not raise him to be a teenager.

Did you think he was gonna skip it? Go from obedient child straight to obedient doctor? That is what I told him to do.

You know, my eldest was very stubborn I blamed his father.

But then when my husband d*ed, the two younger ones were even worse.

And that's when I realized the problem was them.

I do not even recognize Dele.

Oh, yeah, suddenly they start talking back to you.

Having opinions.

When my James was 14, he started hanging out with the wrong crowd, skipping school, even got caught drinking.

Your child sounds like a criminal.

He was a teenager.

Okay.

Teenage criminal.

Grilled cheese? Hell yeah.

This is for Dele.

Abishola brought him to work to keep an eye on him and I figured he could use a little comfort food and a check
-in from his Auntie Christina.

You're gonna be an awesome aunt.

You think? Yeah.

You're quirky, you're out of touch with reality.

All you need now is a cat you dress up and wheel around in a stroller.

Aw.


(CHUCKLES) And you're gonna be a fun uncle.

"Funcle" Doug.

I don't hate that.

I'm clearly not ready to be a parent, but I have a lot to offer as a funcle.


- Shall we?
- Hey, don't bring up your therapist.

Why would I bring up my therapist? 'Cause you always bring up your therapist.

Hey, buddy.

Having a tough time? Oh, no, um, I'm okay.

Well, this is in case you're hungry.

And these are in case you want to talk.

Thanks, but my mum told me not to bother you.


(GROANS) "Mums," right? Can you not tell my mum I'm eating this? Oh, mum's the word.

That's a funcle joke.

Stay in your lane.

You know, I get scolded for not knowing enough about my Yoruba culture, yet I'm forbidden to visit the place where I'm from.

Ooh, been there.

I'm supposed to become a successful man.

But I'm not allowed to make a single choice.

How does that prepare me for life?
(CLICKS TONGUE) You know, I have a great therapist.

What did I say? I'm sorry.

You know your son's just testing your authority, right? I know.

You got to be careful though.

Every kid handles these kinds of moments differently.

I will manage.

Why don't we try doing the table circles?
(GROANS) Fine.

Bob was easy.

When he acted out, all it took was a little guilt, and he'd snap to.

"Oh, Bobby, when you don't make your bed, Mommy just wants to k*ll herself.

" All right, maybe a lot of guilt.

Try using both arms equally.

Douglas was trickier.

You had to let him think he'd won.

Stick a couple of M&M'S underneath his spinach, that sort of thing.

Let's do counterclockwise now.

But Christina.

Oh, she was like a top
-heavy SUV on a mountain road.

You handle her wrong, and suddenly, she's catching fire and taking out a school bus.

Okay, that is it for today.

I'm doling out some gems.

You could at least pretend to listen.

I'm sorry, but I think Dele is different from your children.

Different how? Behind their backs, you call Douglas and Christina "Tweedle Dee and Tweedle D
-minus.

" That's not true, I said it to their face.

Well, in Nigeria, raising a child is about respect and discipline.

I'm just saying, nobody's got it all figured out.

There's no right answer.

Well, my answer is more right.


- Oh, really?
- Mm
-hmm.

And your mother raised you the same way?
- Yes.


- And how often do you talk to her? She calls every day.

And I answer once a week.

Well, I talk to my kids morning, noon and night.

Beneath all that bickering, there's love.

That's why they're not 8,000 miles away, dodging my phone calls.

They live with me, they work with me.

Wherever I turn, there they are.

That's nice.

They haunt my dreams, Abishola.

Here.

What is this? A dancing video game.

I got it from Bob's garage.

Oh.

Thank you.

Since you like both dancing and video games.

This is a combination of the two.

I'm familiar with it.

Your father does not like you dancing.

And neither do you.

But I let you, and when we get home, I'll let you play this video game.

I can't.

Do not argue with me.

You will dance, and I will watch.

No, I want to play the game, but I can't.

I don't have the console.

You cannot just plug this in the VCR? No, it doesn't work that way.

Then why do we have the VCR? I really don't know.

But, um thanks for thinking of me.

I'm always thinking of you.

So now will you eat? Can I go to Nigeria?
- No.


- Then I'm not hungry.

Give me that.


(KNOCKING)
(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
(SIGHS) Tayo.

I'm sorry to impose.

I'm sorry, too.

If you came here thinking you could change my mind about Dele going to Nigeria, you are mistaken.

I just came here to ask your permission to take him to school.

Nothing else.

My permission? You're his mother.

I defer to you.

Unless school is too far for a child to travel with his father.

Don't be ridiculous.

I was under the impression you didn't want me to see him at all.

That is not true.

Good.

Because the more you try to keep your children close, the more they push you away.

Mm.

I'm sure you know a lot about pushing people away.

Dele! Get your things.

You are going to school with your father.

Thank you.


- Bye, Mum.


- And no gallivanting.

Come straight home after school.

Yes, Mum.


-
(DOOR CLOSES)
- I am a fool.

UNCLE TUNDE: No, no.

He is just smarter than you.

I am impressed.

It took him very little time
- to destroy your relationship with Dele.


- Mm
-mm.

Tayo cannot come between us.

He's just taking him to school.

I'm sure Tayo will spend the whole drive talking about how wonderful you are.

He cannot poison my son against me.

Because your son will not eat.

He would rather starve himself than listen to his mother.

Oh, my friend, I hate to see you so upset.

This is the problem with only having one child.


- What?
- I would say you have put all of your eggs in one basket, but you only have the one egg.

Me? Hmm.

I have a stupid son, a lazy daughter.

But my youngest boy is a successful lawyer.

He's the one I love.

Kemi, you love all your children.

Eh.

It's a numbers game.

Every mother gets a few duds.

Dele is not a dud.

Okay.

You're right.

You're right.

He's certainly your most successful child.

I knew I didn't throw it out.

Here are the dance mats, the game system,
- and one of these is the power cord.


- Thank you.

Uh, I can figure out which one if you want, but I felt like making Dele earn it was more your style.


- Okay.


- I never throw these things out.

I guess you could say I'm a "corder.

" A corder.

I understood your unfunny joke.

Okay, just making sure.

Look, I've never raised a kid, but from an outsider's perspective, you're doing a hell of a job.

You'll get through this, and I'm happy to help in any way I can.


- You'd make a good father.


- You think? Mm
-hmm.

You are supportive, a good provider.

Your jokes are old and not humorous.

I'll take that as a compliment.

Did you ever want children?
(SIGHS) I did for a long time, but with Lorraine, things were complicated.

Ah.

She struggled with infertility due to endometriosis.

I was her nurse.

I saw her files.

It's funny, I kind of gave up on the whole idea.

But now, with you, yeah, I think I'd be up for it.

I mean, assuming you are.


- I already have a child.


- Right, obviously.

I'm not just going to have another one to replace him.

I wasn't saying that.

Right now, I need to focus on Dele.


- You brought it up.


- Maybe one day, we can talk about having children, but today is not that day.

Again, you brought it up!
(DOOR OPENS) Kaale, Mum.


(SCOFFS) This is how you fold the shirts? When my mother sees this, she will think I did not raise you properly.

Excuse me? You are going to Nigeria this summer.


- I am?
- You will behave and represent this family well.


- You will also call me every day.


- Of course.

Before the plane takes off, after it lands.

Before, during and after every car trip.

Yes, Mum.

It does not matter how things are with your father and me.

This trip will be good for you.

That is what matters.

Thank you, Mum.

And I will never be against you.

Never.

Do you understand? I know that.

I do not care that I only have one egg in my baskets.

I love that egg, and I am proud of it.

Excuse me? I will not say it again.

It's almost time for dinner.

I'm starving.

I'll go wash up.

Ah
-ah, finish folding these clothes.

And make it quick.

Uncle Tunde is already eyeing your portion.

Bai ding ba doli party, Cbamm bing ba doli party Breding ba doli party, party pop
-
(POP)
- Oh, I'm a gummy bear Yes, I'm a gummy bear Oh, I'm a yummy, tummy, funny, lucky gummy bear I'm a jelly bear, 'cause I'm a gummy bear Oh, I'm a movin', groovin', jammin', singin' gummy bear
- Oh, yeah
- That's it, Bob.

We are headed for the high score.

I hope we get there before I have another heart att*ck.

If you'd like a break, I could play.

Hang on! We are doing so well, we can't stop now! The game's on "easy.

" Go to your room.

Gummy, gummy, gummy, gummy Gummy bear Gummy, gummy, gummy, gummy, gummy bear.