04x07 - The Ballad of Old 159/Cone Dog

[bunniefuu]

♪ One fine day with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ A baby was born and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ No blue buzzard, no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine, little CatDog ♪

♪ CatDog... CatDog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog ♪

♪ Out on the road or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters putting CatDog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it, got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together, got to sing this song ♪

♪ CatDog... CatDog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog ♪

♪ CatDog... CatDog...♪

♪ CatDog... CatDog...♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog. ♪





[ clattering...]

CAT: Dog, be quiet!

Okay, Dog, the coast is clear.

Let's go!

[ grunting]

[ grunting]

[ crash]

WINSLOW: Hey! What's with all the noise?

Did the monkey train roll into town?

[ laughing]

Nice bucket, funnel face.

[ sighs] As usual, you're a paragon of sensitivity.

For your information...

this is a bona fide medical device.

This cone is protecting the tick bite on poor Dog's ear.

[ crash]

Yeah, well, who's going to protect us from the cone?

[ laughs]

Youse two look like a floor lamp!

[ Winslow laughing]

[ munching loudly]

[ snoring]

WINSLOW: This is going to be

my best secret Cat trap ever.

[ gasps] Winslow, will you stuff a sock in it?

I'm trying to nap.

Cat, Winslow's not even in the room with us.

Hmm? Oh, you're right.

I guess it was just another

in a long string of Winslow nightmares.

Oh, well... [ snoring]

[ Winslow laughs]

WINSLOW: First I runs this rope

through a sophisticated system of pulleys...

[ gasps] That was no nightmare!

That was definitely Winslow!

I didn't hear nothing.

WINSLOW: And when he grabs

the whitefish chub

that will be end of Cat!

[ laughs]

Dog, this is incredible!

This glorious cone on your head works like a microphone.

I can hear everything Winslow is saying!

You can? What's he saying?

[ chuckles] Too much for his own good.

[ laughs]

This is going to be one for the photo album!

[ camera clicking]

Hi...

Huh?!

Hey, looky here.

An orphan whitefish chub

with no owner.

If that don't b*at all.

Hmm... it sure is.

Well, let's see, where was I?

What are you, nuts?

It's free chub!

No questions asked.

Come and get it!

Yow! Whoa...

[ grunting and groaning...]

Whoa... whoa... whoa...

On second thought, I wouldn't mind a little chub sushi.

[ chuckles]

Thanks, Winsy-poo.

[ laughs]

I don't get it.

That's the first time

I've ever been outsmarted by that stinking cat.

CAT: This is incredible, Dog!

With this cone, we'll be able to

get the drop on everyone in town!

No more surprise poundings by the Greasers.

No more secret scams by Rancid!

[ Rancid talking in distance]

Oh! Hold it right there, Dog.

I'm picking up something.

[ Rancid talking indistinctly]

[ chuckling...]

[ Greasers talking indistinctly...]

[ talking indistinctly...]

Oh... this is juicy stuff!

[ p.a. feedback whines]

RANCID: As your mayor, you know I'll always be honest and up front.

No deep, dark secrets.

Nothing to hide.

[ crowd cheering]

A little birdie told me...

[ whispering]

How do you know about that?

I thought I destroyed

all those photographs in the fire.

Listen, anything you want

if you'll keep this just between us.

Anything?

[ panting]

[ crowd laughing]

What a simpleton!

I wouldn't get caught dead doing that!

Is that so?

Well, did you know... [ whispering]

Aah-hee!

[ both panting]

[ crowd laughing]

[ Cat whispering]

[ all panting...]

Just look at them, Dog.

Yeah, looks like they're having a lot of fun.

I wish I didn't have to wear this cone so I could join them.

I know all of their deepest, darkest secrets.

Can you imagine if this information

fell into the wrong hands?

These poor people could be taken advantage of!

They could be... they could be...

forced to do things against their will!

[ laughing]

Cat, whatever happened to being worried

about this power falling into the wrong hands

because the people could be taken advantage of

and forced to do things against their will?

I didn't say anything about my hands, did I?

CAT: Let's move it, people.

This is not a country club!

Dig, pound, build, faster, feel the burn!

CLIFF: Ooh, I can't believe

I'm building a Cat empire for that lousy, flea-bitten Cat!

CAT: I heard that... Clifford!

[ laughs]

I was just kidding!

See, I'm working, Chief, I'm working...

Please don't tell my secret.

[ crickets chirping]

[ rooster crows]

CAT: There, that should do the trick.

Now I'll be able to hear every word, every whisper

every breath those miserable drones utter!

DOG: Oh... I don't want to wear the cone anymore, Cat.

It itches my neck, and besides, my tick bite is healed.

Tick bite, shmick bite.

You have to wear it or I can't hear what everyone is saying!

I'd lose my empire!

I don't care, I want to take it off!

Well, if that's what you want, fine!

Of course...

I'll be forced to reveal your deep, dark secret, too.

I have a big deep, dark secret?

Oh, yes, very, very big, very, very dark.

It's not too deep, but it is very embarrassing and secret.

It is?

Yes.

Gosh, my secret is so secret

that I don't even know what my secret is.

It must be horrible.

I'm afraid it is, Dog.

Don't tell anyone, Cat.

I'll wear this cone as long as you want.

Well...

Don't tell.

Okay.

Not a bad little empire, eh, Dog?

Uh, I don't know, Cat.

I can't really see.

CAT: Well, take my word for it

it's not a bad little empire.

But somehow, I still feel a little empty, Dog.

[ chuckles]

You know, it's a big, wide world out there

with lots of secrets I've yet to know. [ laughing]

Cat, I would like to come down from this high place now.

Cat, can I come down?

Shh... I am trying to hear international secrets.

[ voices in foreign languages talking simultaneously...]

[ man speaking French...]

[ man chanting...]

[ woman speaking Chinese...]

[ voices in foreign languages talking simultaneously...]

[ snoring...]

[ muttering]: Rule the world...

I love to rule the world...

[ Dog snoring...]

I've got a plan.

Read this and pass it on.

And keep a lid on it.

Psst... pass it on!

Pass it on.

Psst... pass it on.

Duh...

"Put a sack over Cat's head

"and ship him off

"to the South Pole

"where he can never reveal our secrets.

"P-dot S-dot, do not read this out loud.

Cat might hear you."

CAT: I heard that!

[ all gasp]

[ crickets chirping]

CAT: Ha!

The world is mine!

CLIFF: 'Scuse me...

What do you want?! Why aren't you working?

We was thinking... since your empire's pretty much finished

uh, maybe we can all go home now.

Huh? What do you say?

Well, the Cat Empire does look fantastic.

I have a little surprise for each and every one of you.

I plan on expanding my Cat Empire

all the way into outer space!

And all of you will be constructing it for me.

Oh, and I'll need you to wear that cone

the rest of your life.

The rest of my life?

I can't wear this cone another second!

Dog, I'm warning you...

[ grunting]

I admit my horrible deep, dark secret.

And I don't care who knows it!

It's myhorrible deep, dark secret.

And I am proud of it!

Hey, I think the mutt's on to something.

The secret will set you free!

If everybody tells their secret, Cat has no power.

Uh, you go first.

I admit it!

[ all gasp]

I wear a pink, fuzzy bunny suit!

[ all gasp]

I wear one, too, and I love it!

I wear one, too!

But I'm still tough enough to club all your butts!

Duh, I like to wear mine

inside out so the little cotton tail

is on the inside.

[ all talking at once]

[ creaking]

[ grunting]

I've never worn a fuzzy pink bunny suit

but I'd love to start now.

Thank you!

[ all gasp]

Huh?!

Get him!

Aah!

I told you, Cat.

People like their secrets to be kept secretive!

[ Cat yelling and whooping ...]

I like bunnies! Pink's my favorite color!

Ow, ow, ow...!

[ truck engine idling]

♪ Well, look at that, look at that, go, Dog, go ♪

♪ Ain't no Cat gonna tell him no ♪

♪ Chasing that truck up and down the line... ♪

♪ Well, there goes Dog and Number --. ♪

[ chuckles]

Will you look at that Dog go.

Well, howdy. I'm Pete the Polecat

your run-of-the-mill folksy ditty singing teller of tall tales.

And the tale of Dog and Old is about as tall as they get.

Hold on now... you mean to say y'all don't know the story of Old ?

[ chuckles]

Well, it all started a long, long time ago...

Aah!

[ Dog whooping, Cat yelling]

[ man whistling...]

[ horn honks]

[ panting...]

Whoa!

Ah...

[ sniffs]

[ whistling]

Well, well, what do we have here?

[ laughs]

Hi, I'm Dog.

This is my brother Cat.

Morning. My name's Cornelius

but folks around here call me Sunshine

on account of my happy heart.

That's .

Isn't she a beaut?

The very latest in garbaging technology.

Wow, you must love being a garbage collector.

Sure I do, but my real dream is to be a kids party clown.

In fact, I'm expecting a letter of acceptance into party clown college this very day.

[ whistling]

Don't want to scratch the cans.

[ clank]

Ooh!

You take care now.

Gee, he sure was a nice smelly happy man

wasn't he, Dog? Huh?

Oh...

[ heart thumping]

[ panting...]

[ yelling...]

Garbage, garbage, garbage...!

[ gasps]

Oh...

[ snarling]

[ screams]

[ barking]

Garbage, garbage...

[ continues yelling...]

Hey, Sunshine, got a special delivery letter from party clown col...

Poor old Sunshine never did know he got that letter.

Life's funny that way.

Never know what's around the next corner... ay!

Meantime, Dog kept after Old .

[ snoring]

Garbage day, garbage day!

Oh, boy, garbage day!

[ barking]

Ah, yes, yes, yes... garbage day.

Ah... well, let's go, Dog.

Wouldn't want to miss it now, would we?

Gee, Cat, I thought you hated garbage day.

Well, Dog, things change. [ chuckles]

Shall we?

[ barking]

[ zapping...]

Oh... what is it?

I call it The Garbage Guzzler.

[ beeping]

Invented by yours truly

to satisfy the ever-pressing need

for better waste management for the great city of Nearburg.

Thought you hated Nearburg, Cat.

Whatever gave you that idea?

Well, there was the time you said

"Oh, I hate Nearburg" and "Nearburg stinks" and "This town is awful...

Okay, all right, all right, Dog, all right!

I invented The Garbage Guzzler

because I am tired of you dragging me through the streets

behind that filthy garbage truck every garbage day, okay?

But Cat... what about Old ?

[ chuckles]

RANCID: Out with the old garbage collecting and in with the new!

I hereby commission The Garbage Guzzler for active duty.

But first... hee-hee... a little entertainment.

The smashing of cruddy Old !

They can't do that!

I have got to save

Old !

Dog, this is ridiculous.

You're making a fool out of yourself!

No, I am not!

Ask Sunshine.

He loves Old .

Smash it.

Let it die.

What in Sam's spleen is going on here?

If you crush Old

you'll have to crush me and Cat along with it.

So where's the downside? Am I missing something here?

Stomp 'em like a cockroach!

Old challenges The Garbage Guzzler to a trash-collecting contest.

Loser collects trash no more.

[ crowd laughs]

What's the matter, bunny?

You chicken?

What did you call me?

Chicken!

No, the other thing.

Bunny?

That's it!

Nobody calls me bunny!

I accept your pinheaded challenge.

♪ Dog done started on a wild crusade ♪

♪ Cat, he did his best, but he couldn't be swayed ♪

♪ Everybody said it was a waste of ti-ime... ♪

♪ He ain't never gonna win with number --. ♪

[ grunts]

[ cheering]

[ revving engine]

Aah... this is pointless.

Oh, manual labor.

How quaint.

[ crowd cheering]

♪ Swan-three-six-nine ♪

♪ Who's the best with --? ♪

♪ Sunshine, Sunshine ♪

♪ Yay... Sunshine! ♪

Look, Dog... loop the loop.

[ yawns] Wonder what's on TV tonight?

Come on, Sunshine.

Only more cans to go!

I just don't understand why it's so slow.

I could never catch Old when I chased it back when...

[ gasps] That's it!

Dog, you're wasting your t...!

[ panting]

[ barking...]

[ snarling]

[ screams]

[ snarling]

[ screams]

[ panting..]

Aah...!

Aah...! Must engage... supersuck!

Yes, yes!

Nice try, Dog

but is no match for the old...

Whoa!

[ screaming...]

Whoa..!

Do you know how long it took me to grow that?!

[ cracking and rumbling...]

Whoa!

Come on, Garbage Geezler, keep sucking!

[ cheering]

[ expl*si*n, screaming]

I hereby reinstate Old to active duty.

[ cheering]

What's this?

"Dear Sir: we are pleased to inform you

that you have been accepted into the party clown college."

Well, Old was back in business

and Sunshine finally found the letter

that was stuck down between the seats all those years.

You mean you knew about this

the whole time and didn't tell me?!

Why you...

Hey, wait, hey, well, I'm just the narrator.

I can't be held responsible... aah!

Ay!

Wow, it is a great day in garbagedom.

Old has been saved

and the world's greatest waste management specialist

is finally going off to party clown college!

No, Dog.

My place is here.

Sunshine's the name, garbage is my game.

Let's roll.

[ screams]

♪ Look at that, look at that, go, Dog, go ♪

♪ Ain't no Cat gonna tell him... [ coughs]... no ♪

♪ Chasing that truck up and down the line... ♪

♪ It'll always be the same with Old . ♪

I got to find another line of work.

♪ It'll always be the same with Old . ♪

♪ One fine day with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ A baby was born and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ No blue buzzard, no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine, little CatDog ♪

♪ CatDog... CatDog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog ♪

♪ Out on the road or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters putting CatDog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it, got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together, got to sing this song ♪

♪ CatDog... CatDog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog. ♪