02x06 - Phamily Budget

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Run the Burbs". Aired: January 5, 2022 – present.*
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A suburban stay-at-home dad of two children whose wife Camille is an entrepreneur.
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02x06 - Phamily Budget

Post by bunniefuu »

Good thing we kept

our Halloween costumes.

I think the mold is spreading.

Is it the good kind or the bad kind?

There's no good mold, Camille!

Uh, sure there is!

How you think cheese got so delicious?

So, what are we going to do?

Maybe we could sell

some of your sneakers.

Shh! They can hear you!

I never thought my baby sneaks

becoming our best investment

would make me so miserable.

You did say they would appreciate.

I appreciate them!

I guess I can sell a few more pairs,

but we're barely covering

this tasting dinner

and the next mortgage payment.

Maybe we can ask your parents?

Or we could just cover it with plastic.

I don't know. I really

can't cancel tonight,

and I don't want Jully Black

and Kardinal Offishall

breathing in mold.

Hey, your tasting dinner

is going to go great.

You'll book this album launch party,

and we'll get some cash flow going!

Yeah. Sam did say

it could lead to a bunch

more celebrity gigs.

Eh, we love celebrities.

More importantly, we

love celebrity mun
-nay.


- Mun
-nay.


- Mun
-nay.


- Mun
-nay!


- Mun
-nay.

What you doing?

Oh. Hey, buddy! Just a little, uh, Tcom.

Taking care of mold.

Shouldn't a professional handle that?

Probably, but we got to save.

Where'd all your shoes

go? Did we get robbed?

Nah. I'm just selling some kicks later.

First the car,

now the shoes.

Dad, are we okay?

What? We're fine.

Think of it as purging with a purpose.

We're totally fine, buddy.

Don't worry for a second.

We are super fine.

You sound like that dog on fire meme.

Eh, you see a dog on fire.

I see a smart dog

saving on heating bills.

So, what's up?

Nothing.

Okay.

Good enough.

Khia, do you need to go to work today?

I could use you in here.

Honestly, I fear Cathy

more than I fear you.

But it's a short shift,

so I'll be back soon.


- You okay?


- Totally.

Just a totally normal dinner tonight.


- No bigs.


- I'm sure they'll love your food.

Okay. Thanks, Leo.


- I mean Khia.


- Oh, Sam's here!

Sorry I'm late. Also,

you have more company.


- What?


- I'll be back with the rest!


- Surprise!


- Oh!

Carol, Danh, Linh! Andrew!


- Smells so good.


- Ah.

Hey! What are you doing here?


- We have news.


- Not again.

Are you dying? You can tell me.

I can take it.

No, I can't! Don't tell me!


- Nothing like that.


- We just need to talk.

Oh, okay. Well, I am setting

up for a very important dinner,


- so, um


- That's okay.

We'll go to the basement.

Wait! But

Boop.

You know I love them,

but Kardi and Jully

are going to be here really soon.


- Yeah. I'll get them out.


- Okay.

We're bringing our a game tonight.

I'm talking vases, charger plates,

this thing.

We're going to book this job,

and we're going to be grooving

at Kardi and Jully's album launch.

Okay, but tonight is

all about the business.

Okay! She's a shark!


- Damn it!


- Hey, hey, hey.

Just breathe.

Jully Black taught me

that on her socials.

Okay. Let me get the big feathers.

What?

No warning? Just popping in now?

What can I say?

I hate texting.

I also hate texting.

Andrew, what happened to the shoes?

Oh, those. Um, they're

just out for cleaning.

That time of year.

So, Carol, that is a

long flight just to talk.

Yes. I had a conference.

And Ba has a rash that

he wanted me to look at.

Ooh, you want to see?


- Stop showing people!


- Later.

Andrew, we want to give you

some of your inheritance early.

I knew it! You're dying!

No! Stop saying that!

We want you to enjoy it

while we're still here.

So, are you getting money, too?

Why does she need money?


- She's a doctor.


- She should buy a husband.

Okay. You know, we should

just stay focused on Andrew.

Wait. Am I getting

the whole inheritance?

Just take the money!


- What is that about?


- I don't know,

but they'll be gone soon.

So, you ready to woo them?

I'll do that. Uh, why don't you

just make sure there's no

fingerprints on anything?

Yeah. You got it. Hey.

Tonight's going to be great.

Yeah. Of course.

Should we go talk to

him? He looks so sad.

Nope. That's your ex's dad.


- Leave it alone.


- But

If you're going to work in

service, you need to know

that everyone's looking

for a free Dr. Phil.

Some people just need to talk.

No. Everyone needs to talk.

That's why you don't get involved.

I'm going to talk to him.

Your funeral, kid.

Thanks, Khia.

Um, what you working on?


- Oh, nothing.


- You can tell me.

My divorce papers.

Oh.

But you know, you've

been seeing other people,

and when I was in Paris,

Lisa was happy with Claude.


- Oh, no!


- Maybe

Here come the waterworks!

No. I mean no. You you're

Why, Lisa? Why?

I I have to go back to work now.

Told you.

Ma, please stop carrying

that much cash in your purse!

Son, you and Camille haven't

had a real job in some time.

Camille is working right now!

You don't believe in us?

Of course we believe in you.

Carol told us you need the money.

We have the money.

Take the money.

How do you know we need money?

Uh uh well

Hey. So, uh, I can

hear you all upstairs.

They're just leaving.

No, we're not.

Kardi's here!

Uh, okay. Maybe just stay down

here and keep quiet? Thanks.

Did anyone bring any food?

Yeah! Rock and roll.

Stop being so stubborn

and take your inheritance!

Hmm. I'll take your

money when you're dead.

Ooh, girl!


- Thanks so much for doing this.


- Of course,

and Jully, so great to finally meet you.

Camille, I already love your vibes.

Kardi's been raving about your food,

but I needed to taste it for myself,

see if it vibes for our event.

Oh, and we are all about vibes.

Now, Camille, our album launch

is quite the exclusive affair.

Our artists friends, tastemakers.

Of course, and, uh, we are

so excited about your collab.

Hey, what's it called?

Caw
-Caw!

Um, that's the working title. Yeah.


- But I won rock paper scissors.


- We don't make decisions

using rock paper

scissors anymore, Jason.

Why don't we get started?

Caw
-Caw!

You see? It sounds stupid.

You're being a big baby!

You're a big baby.

Stop it! Can you please

just take the money?

You don't understand the strings

that come with mom and dad's money.

It's not that bad!

Because you wanted to be a doctor!

I had to move away and send

home fake enrolment forms

just to get out of

taking business classes!

You think I haven't lied

to mom and dad? It's fun!

And then there's the wedding!

Oh.

Boo
-hoo. I'm Andrew,

and Mummy and Daddy paid for my wedding.

They took over!

Mom chose the hall, the

food, the colour scheme.

She even walked us back to

the hotel room that night!


- Ew.


- I vowed

from that point forward to

never take their money again.

Right.


- Andrew, what's going on?


- Ma, I'll get it!

Andrew, did you hear that?

Who is that?

Are we being robbed?

Ba, they wouldn't knock!


- Hey!


- This the right window?

Yeah. Thanks for doing that.


- Thank you.


- Okay.

Hope your wife has a nice dinner party.

Thanks. Enjoy.

That was the saddest

thing I've ever seen.

Why? I paid retail for them,

and I flipped them for

500 bucks in profit.

Every bit helps for normal

people, Scrooge McDuck.

You look like a drug dealer!

Ba, don't be so dramatic.

Oh, yeah?


- What is this?


- Uh, that's just a Halloween costume.

Or is it mold protection?


- What? No, Carol.


- Mold?

Gold!

This food is gold, Camille.

It's almost ready.

Caca.

Caw Caw.

They seem tense. I shouldn't

have said "Caw Caw."

Okay. Maybe you should

just go over there

and, like, warm them up.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I'll tell them

when I got kicked out

of Drake's tour bus.

Or when I snuck into Michael

Bublé's dentist appointment.


- Okay. Yeah. Your call.


- Yeah. Okay. Which


- I don't know.


- Okay.

Sorry I'm late.


- Mom, I made Hudson cry.


- Oh, that's great, honey.

Can you just go fill up

that water jug? Thank you.

So, then so, then

So, I'm standing there, right?

And, uh, and I says I go,

"Bublé, enough with

the crooning, you know?


- Let's try some scat."


- Ah, you see?

Now, that's a name: Crooning Crows.

You're just trying to go

back to the Caca, aren't you?

Okay. First up, a papri

chaat amuse
-bouche.

So, are your bouches a
-moos
-ed?

You're too stubborn.

Am I stubborn, or am I right?

It's not my fault that you're broke!

More water?

Money have to make,

money have to spend ♪

From the guilder to

the Yen to the Benjamin ♪

I lived the hood life, I

want to live the good life ♪

With a good wife to

kiss goodnight like mwah ♪

Money can't buy me happiness ♪

You know that I cry ♪

Cry, cry ♪

When you are not there ♪

You know that I cry ♪

Ah!

Oh. Uh, Cathy.

Red bean with tapioca.

Thank you.


- And rum.


- Oh, damn.

That is good.

Right?

So, uh

Is that Lisa's desk?

Yeah. We used to be

partners in life and

business.

I remember.


- Do you want to talk about it?


- Okay. Once I sign,

I get the accounting firm and the house.

She didn't want either.

I think she felt bad for cheating.

And honestly, I thought

I was over it all,

but this is so final.

You know, it It makes me think

about everything that went wrong again.

I been there. My

divorce was super messy.

You were married? I mean,

of course you were married.

I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it. I was young.

And stupid.

And hot.

And so stupid.

You never have my back!

You remember the time

I got dashed overboard

white
-water rafting?


- You laughed at me!


- That was 20 years ago,

and it was funny!

The universe had your back.

What's going on downstairs?

Uh, someone must have left

a Vietnamese soap opera on.

They're really intense.

Khia, can you go turn the volume down?

Yep.

So, anyway, you can dip the mini kebabs

in the tamarind hot

sauce or the mint chutney.

So, what do you think?

You know what I think?

Maybe we don't release

the album anymore!


- What? No.


- Fine.

Choclair's been trying to

do a collab with me, anyway!

How dare you bring

Kareem Blake into this?

Go on! See if I care.

If I may, we care.

And so do your fans.

Not that we're not fans also, as well.

Nah. Once the vibes is off,

you have to find a new vibe.

Um I can't seem to

get the volume down.

The the show's a lot

more Intense than we thought.

Oh, wow.

Maybe you should start

dealing dr*gs, then!

Okay!

I need to check on the

rasgulla. I need a minute.

Hey, have I have I ever

told you guys about the time

that I stole Sean
-a Paul's dry cleaning?

That was you?

If you bought the house we wanted,

this wouldn't have happened.

Your money always comes with strings!

That's why I didn't take

it when we bought the house,

and that's why I'm not taking it now!

Ba Noi's not dead?

What about Dr. Yee?

I had the best gums he'd ever seen!


- Andrew!


-


- I believe in her!


- Andrew!

Hey, babe!

I was just talking about you.


- What is going on down here?


- They won't stop trying to give us money.


- Look. The album launch might not happen.


- What? Why?

You made the mini kebabs, right?

No. They might cancel

the event altogether.

Maybe it's not such a bad

idea to take their money.

Camille, you too?

I'm not doing it.

Look. This dinner might not work out,

but something else will.

Or you want me to come up?

I'm so good at reuniting people.

No, it's okay. I will try

to fix the vibe upstairs,

but can you just lock it down out here?


- Yeah.


- Okay? Okay? It's not helping.


- It's not helping!


- Not helping.

Not.


- Ow!


- Ooh! Oops.

Leo!

Hey, ông nôi.

Hey, go, go, go, go, go.

Leo, my sweet boy!

Hey, little man.

Hey, buddy. Were you

in there the whole time?

You bunged up? Or a little,

uh, mind palace situation?

I guess.

Did you hear everything?

I can hear everything!

Hey, sometimes money is stressful,

but you don't need to worry, okay?

Okay.

What's this?

You want to go to dance camp?

No. That's okay.

This is cool! We'll get you in.

It's 800 bucks.

Oh, damn.

Are you sure you don't want to go?

We could figure something out.

It's okay, Dad. I don't want

you selling any more shoes.

Buddy.

You should never worry about that.

But what about the mold?

Yeah, Andrew.

Where is this mold?

It's not down here, is it?

Sure is. It's right here.

Leo, no!

Everyone upstairs!

There's not enough room!

Andrew, stop it!

Hey, man. Rock and roll.

Andrew, what is going on?

The mold is out, but I closed the door.

Everything is fine.

Mold? The good kind?

Or the bad kind?

That's it. I'm done. Yes, we have mold,

the bad kind that we

can't afford to fix,

and yes, I quit my safe job

months ago to start a business!

And my in
-laws want to

give us money to help,

but my husband won't

take it! And that's fine,

because I got his back,

and that's what marriage is!

And now, the biggest

clients we've ever had

might fall through because

of vibes, and I don't know

if I can keep doing this!

Camille, can I give you a little advice?


- Yes, please, Jully Black.


- You doing any self
-care?

Like sitting in the basement,

eating M&Ms with the lights off


- so no one knows you're there?


- Sometimes,

but more like massages, meditation.

You should look into that, girl.

You know what? It probably didn't help

that me and Jully have been

beefing all night, either.

Well, you know what would help?

Is if you kept the album release.

And hired us to do it.

That part.

You clearly care about

it, and each other.

You fight like siblings.

My sister's the worst.

Hey, what if you do a

track for us, here, now?

Like a little test audience?

Only if you come to my

next step class with me.


- Done.


- Can I come, too?

Here we go. Here we

go. Here we go. Ready?

Three, two, one.

Bam!


- Whoo!


- Boom!

Boo
-yah!


- You did it!


- I did it!

Cheers to the end of an era

And the beginning of a new one.

Mm, mother nature's in pain

and the world is on fire ♪

Fire, fire, caw caw, caw caw ♪

You took my notes!

See? It's great!

So, how about it?

We releasing an album?

You done know!

As long as you cater the party.

Oh, we got the job?

We got the job!

I'm just going to get a quick

deposit from you before you forget.

See? What did I tell you?

Camille's crushing it.

We're very happy for you.

But growing a business takes time.

Job
-to
-job life is hard life.

There's nothing wrong with

wanting to help your son.

Okay. I'll do it.

And this is just a loan.

There will be no strings.

No string. All good, man.

Rock and roll.

Love you.

Don't forget about me when

you're cooking papri chaat


- for the Obamas.


- You'll be my plus one.

Oh!

Hey, thanks for your help today.

Yeah. I'm getting paid, right?

Free labour is a part of

being a kid, kid. Yeah.

Uh, hey, so, since we're all sharing

our emotions and feelings

and all that junk,

I think it's a good time to tell

you that my boyfriend's here.


- What?


- What? Carol's got a boyfriend?

I wonder if it's pet store guy!

Shut up!

Hey!

Nikhil?

So is this weird?

Wait. Is this how you knew

what was going on with us?

Camille, did you tell Nikhil?

No, fool. You told me when you

tried to sell me those Jordans

and asked our Raptors group thread

about cheap mold removal methods.

Yeah. What is said in Raptors chat

is supposed to stay in Raptors chat.

Mold is a silent k*ller, dude. Come on.

Hey, congratulation, you two!

Just a few more years to give us


- Stop.


- Grandchildren!

Yeah, Carol. You're 15 years behind.

Such a terrible daughter.


- You like that face?


- I love it.


- Hey, Leo.


- I don't like it when you do it.

You do the same face.

Don't tell your dad.
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