02x15 - April's Fools Day/Excuses

[bunniefuu]

Ned: in a middle school full of bullies..

Insane teachers...

Aah!

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me--

And my two best friends try to do the impossible--

Create a guide that will help

You survive school.

[Bell ringing]

Man: ♪ coming up

♪ Looking out

♪ I'll survive it no doubt

♪ Never fear

♪ Bring it on

♪ Breaking down what's in my way ♪

♪ And I'm

♪ Escaped detention and a bunch of bullies tried to stop me ♪

♪ Finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

Ned: "ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.



That's it, loomer.

I'm sick of your bully-bully ways.

You're expelled!

Aah!

And that lame "hairdon't"

Is going to cost you a week's detention.

Aah!

Ned and cookie: hey, vice principal crubbs.

Cook, haven't you heard about

The now computer gadgets thingies allowed at polk rule?

And there's also a no "cute tip guide" rule in effect, too.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to burn these, ok?

April fools! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ohh! Ha ha ha!

Man: ♪ whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

Ha ha ha!

April fools! Ha ha ha!

If you don't want to get fooled on april fools day,

Try these tips.

Keep reminding yourself it's april fools day.

It helps you stay alert for anything out of the ordinary.

And if anything sounds funny,

It's probably a prank.

Crubbs: hey, looomo.

No hard feelings about earlier, huh?

Have a cookie.

[Steam whistle blows]

Ohh!

I made them with habanero hot sauce.

April fools again!

[Groans]

And in conclusion, that's why in

The nba introduced the -point sh*t, and then in--

Seth. Ha!

Can we please talk about something besides basketball?

Sure. I'm using a new hair conditioner.

Powers, I've banned basketball!

No more hoops!

Aah!

When he gets back, tell him april fools.

Hey. What's up?

I have nothing in common with seth,

And he talks about basketball all day.

His hair does smell good.

Hair fragrance alone cannot sustain a relationship.

I don't want to hurt him,

But I got to break up.

[Coconut head screams]

Crubbs: april fools! Whoo! Ha ha ha!

I don't want to hurt crubbs,

But I think it's time someone fooled the fool

On april fools so he stops all this foolish april fooling.

Look. I want no part of some plan to get crubbs back

For all of his evil april fooling.

Now I've got toilets to scrub,

And I have no time for goofing off.

April fools! Ha ha ha!

Check this out.

This is a detailed, minute-by-minute plan

Of crubbs' entire day.

This is what I use to avoid him all day long.

But we're gonna use it to pinpoint

Exactly where we'll fool crubbs.

Right. We'll set the trap,

And he'll walk right into it.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! That's enough.

We got to get to work.

Seth, I think you're a great guy,

But I don't think we should go out anymore.

Don't you have anything to say?

Hey, everybody. Jennifer just broke up with me.

Aw. Aw. Aw.

What a great april fools day joke.

Isn't it weird how april fools day is always in april?

[Bell ringing]

Ok. According to this,

Crubbs takes a drink from that water fountain every day at :.

What devilish and ingenious prank

Are we gonna pull on him?

A rubber band?

You're kidding.

Take a drink.

Nice!

Here he comes!

The old rubber band in the fountain trick.

I didn't know you boys celebrated april fools day.

Heh heh heh!

But now I'm on to you,

And if you mess with the master,

You'll not only get the horns;

You'll get the whole bull. Moo!

[Snorting]

[Bell ringing]

So I broke up with seth,

But he thought I was joking.

Well, what were you thinking breaking up on april fools day?

Now what do I do? He thinks all my breakups are pranks.

You want to break up with seth because he's so annoyingly seth, right?

Yeah. That sounds about right.

Then be annoyingly seth right back,

And he'll break up with you.

That's a great idea.

Just hope I can pull of being that annoying.

You can.no problem there.

[Siren]

What? I said, "april fools."

Ned: :--crubbs and the entire staff out to lunch.

Petroleum jelly all over crubbs' office?

I can't believe you guys talked me into this.

It was your idea.

Ohh. Aah!

Well, now the coast is clear.

See? Unh! Ohh!

Ok. Now the coast is clear...er.

Oh. Made it.

Now, petroleum jelly, work your gloppety-gloopy magic.

Crubbs isn't just an april fool.

He's a lottery fool.

", , , , ."

What kind of moron picks those numbers?

A very smart moron.

Hi, guys.

[Grunting]

Hi, ned. I just stopped by to say

You can't fool the master,

But feel free to hang out as long as you want.

Ha ha ha! "Hang." Ha ha ha!

He's unfoolable!

No, he's not, and I think I figured out a way

To fool the master.

Oh. There's something different about you.

You know what's not different?

Volleyballs and basketballs.

Except volleyballs are white, not orange.

I guess.

You know how every hair on your head looks exactly alike?

Well, I named mine so I could tell them apart.

Lola, max, tito. Hey, donald. Jeremy, britney.

I got to go somewhere

And do something else.

See you.

Yes!

Vice principal crubbs.

I'm busy.

Vice principal crubbs, I just got a call saying

The new school superintendent

Was stopping in for a visit today.

The superintendent?

I--i--

Oh, really?

He's coming on april fools day?

Tell him I can't wait to meet him.

Check, check, check, check, check, check.

Everything set?

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Then let the fooling begin.

[Cheering]

Hey.

I'm sorry, jennifer, but you've been

Really annoying lately,

And I think we should break up.

Aw. Well, if you think that's best.

Yes!

April fools!

We're not breaking up.

I got you back, didn't i?

But I was serious about the whole

"You've been really annoying lately" thing.

You should work on that.

Oh. Heh heh heh.

Then new superintendent is here.

Right. Tell him he can wait.

I've got more important things to do

Than meet my new boss.

And today's winning lottery numbers are

, , , , And .

I won! Ha ha!

April fools really is my lucky day!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

I'm rich! Ha ha ha!

Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ha ha!

I'm gonna open a detective agency in miami and solve crime.

Ha ha ha!

No more annoying teachers

Or needy, think-they-can-fool-me students.

Ha ha!

But we did.

Excuse me. Are you crubbs?

Oh. Ho ho! Right.

You're bigby's new superintendent prank.

Then I guess I shouldn't do this.

Hey!

Or this! Ay, ay, ay, ay!

Or this! Unh! Ha!

But who cares because I am rich!

No, you're not.

April fools!

You didn't win the lottery.

What? But I saw it.

I'm rich. I just got really rich.

No, you just got really fooled.

How?

Well...

And today's winning lottery numbers are

, , , , And .

[Sniffs]

Then new superintendent is here.

Right. Tell him he can wait.

I've got more important things to do

Than meet my new boss.

And today's winning lottery numbers are...

I'd like you to meet my friend sally.

Good one, guys.

No one appreciates a well-planned april fools prank

Like old crubbsy.

And the new superintendent was a nice touch.

Yeah. That's the funny thing.

We've never seen him before.

That's because I am the new superintendent.

Pardon me while I break down and cry.

One last april fools tip.

Try to keep them fun and playful

Unless you're dealing with a crubbs,

Who deserves a little payback.

[Imitating vacuum cleaner]

Help! I'm gonna be late for gym!

You twisted your ankle getting up,

And you're a little slow getting around.

Excuses--if told right, they can get you out of almost anything.

Hey, excuse master.

I blew off a homework date with seth last night.

Your grandma was sick,

And you wanted to keep her company.

Nice.

Excuses are like harmless, little lies

That can save you and someone else's feelings,

And the key to a good excuse

Is always have them pre-planned.

Like a good eating in the hall excuse.

Busted, bigby!

No eating in the hall.

But my doctor said I need to have a full stomach

Before I take my allergy medicine.

Ok, but hurry up and get to class.

But keep your excuses realistic

Because no one is gonna believe that a dog ate your homework.

A dog ate my homework!

Man: ♪ whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

I'm disappointed, mr. Bigby.

You usually have much better excuses.

The homework-eating dog completely lacks originality.

But a dog did eat my homework.

Oh, yeah.

Just get me the homework by study hall.

You should have said your sick grandmother ate your homework.

Grandma excuse works every time.

Jennifer, I really hope your grandmother

Is feeling better.

Anyway, how about we get together tonight,

Maybe for a dvd?

I would, but grandma mosley is still really ill.

Oh. Well, I hope she gets better.

Well, personally, I would never make up an excuse

For my loved one, who is vanessa,

Who I have a homework date with tonight!

Simon, I'm so sorry, but I have to cancel our study date for tonight.

Oh, no. Why?

My grandma, she's really sick,

And I want to keep her company.

Your grandma?

I hope you understand.

Oh, I understand.

I understand. Real well.

[Dog growling]

Mr. Sweeny, I finished my homework!

What? Shoo!

Bad dog! Bad dog!

Wh-wh-what happened to my office?

And don't tell me a dog ate it.

But it did! And my redone homework.

I'm telling you the truth.

Stop blaming an imaginary dog for your problems

And start writing me a ,-word report on protoplasm

For trashing my office!

[Muttering]

Hey. I feel really bad about your grandmother,

And tonight, I'm stopping by

To bring her some flowers.

That's sweet, but you don't have to.

You see, you can't because she d*ed.

What? Oh, no! Aah!

But then the emts brought her back to life,

And she's alive again,

But then she twisted her ankle getting out of bed,

And now she's in the hospital.

You and I are going out,

And I want to be there for you,

So tonight, we're going to the hospital

To cheer granny up.

Seth, that's so sweet.

I'll see you after school.

I'm dead.

Do you think I'm crazy?

No. You're not crazy.

I see the dog, too.

Ohh! And there he is right there,

And he's a good, little boy.

Yes, he is a good boy.

Moze: look. It's a lot of stress

Coming up with good excuses all the time.

Maybe your mind just snapped,

And you're seeing dogs.

Do you guys think I'm crazy

For not believing vanessa's granny excuse?

I don't know vanessa that well,

But the key here is granny excuse.

Seth has been so sweet

About my sick granny excuse

And being there for me,

It almost makes up for the fact

That he's so...so...seth.

So are you saying you like seth again?

Hey, a good man is hard to find,

But I got to come up with a better excuse

To get out of my current excuse.

And that is...

That grandma's in the hospital

Because she twisted her ankle getting out of bed.

Ha ha! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

I can't study tonight.

My grandma twisted her ankle trying to get out of bed,

And now she's in the hospital.

Look. If you don't want to study with me,

Just tell me.

What? I'm telling the truth.

Prove it. Let's go to the hospital

Make sure granny's ok.

I can't. Grandma doesn't want any visitors

In her condition.

She can be very strong-headed.

And so can i.

Vanessa says her grandma's in the hospital,

But I can't prove it because granny doesn't want anyone to see her

In her condition.

Ahem.

Ok. I'm ready to go see grandma.

Seth, I talked to grandma,

And she doesn't want anybody to see her in her condition.

Ok, but with a twisted ankle,

She'll be back home tomorrow,

And that's when she'll get these flowers

And a peck on the cheek.

Ha!

I don't suppose either of you have a grandma I can borrow.

Mine are all in florida.

I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy!

That's right, ned.

Yeah. I'm crazy.

Mr. Bigby. Mr. Bigby.

Mr. Bigby, wake up,

And don't give me some excuse

About practicing relaxation techniques.

[Bell rings]

You know, excuses work up to a point,

But then after a little while,

They just become lies,

And you become a liar,

And you wouldn't need excuses

If you just did what you said

You were going to do in the first place.

Yeah. I guess that makes sense.

Now I was up late doing my student evaluations.

I even skipped lunch

Because if I don't hand it in today,

I will be in trouble,

But I did them just like i--oh-- said I would,

And now I don't need any excuses

Like the dog ate them.

[Barking]

Ha! I told you there was a dog!

Sweeny, do you have your student evaluations?

Uh, no.

Well, you see, uh, a dog ate them.

Not laughing. I want them by the end of today,

Or I'm gonna pull out my teacher evaluations

And make some adjustments to yours.

Help me get those evaluations back,

And I'll give you double extra credit.

Triple. Deal!

This is never gonna work.

Just push me closer to seth.

Cookie: seth powers, this is grandma mosley.

Oh, seth, I heard you were concerned about me,

So I decided to stop by and say I'm fine.

That's great news.

Where's jennifer?

Oh, she's upstairs, looking for you.

Oh, and I'm so sorry you missed a date

With my little jen-jen.

Ok. Bye.

Don't worry about our missed date.

If jennifer's got to take care of you,

Then I'll wait weeks, even months for her.

Oh, seth, you are so sweet.

[Coughing]

Uh, I got to go now. Uh, bye!

Great. Now I need an excuse to explain

Why granny's hot for seth!

Ok. So we know the dog loves peanut butter.

So we'll create a peanut butter scent trail to the gym,

And then we'll place a sandwich there,

The dog will follow the scent to the gym,

And that's where we'll catch him.

Why can't you apply yourself like this in my classroom?

Ok. Now, wave your arms like crazy,

And we'll meet up in the gym.

Ohh!

Find seth, so I can convince him

That granny is nuts.

Uh, you, uh, dropped your hair.

Thanks.

Oh, I'm setting a peanut butter trap

In order to catch the dog.

Here, boy! Come and get it!

Here, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy.

Both: yup. He's crazy.

Now we wait.

[Tires squealing]

Seth.

I would just like to apologize

Because, well, I'm crazy.

It's just that you remind her

Of a golden lab she once had,

And she's...

[Cuckoo clock chiming]

Well, my hair really is golden and long.

Now, don't jump, or you'll scare him.

But he's got my evaluations.

Seth, you are so sweet,

And wherever jennifer is,

I'm sure she'd say yes to watching a dvd with you tonight.

[Arf]

Hey, you're not grandma mosley!

Yes, I am. I am grandma mosley.

You're so swe-- oh, forget it.

So all this was a bunch of excuses

To get out of our date.

But, seth, you don't understand.

She really likes you.

You're right. I don't understand,

And I think it's best that we take some time off.

Yep. That figures.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Yes! I've got my evaluations back,

And you get triple extra credit and an apology.

I'm sorry I didn't believe your dog excuse.

Yeah. Well, I think I'm gonna lay off the excuses for a while

And focus on following through

On my responsibilities.

Me, too. No more granny excuses.

Are you, simon?

Vanessa tells me you don't believe I twisted my ankle,

So here I am to show you.

Tell her I saw you.

Great makeup job.

Yeah.

Right, and where is vanessa?

Well, she's downstairs, looking for you.

I think we should go find her.

Um, the elevator's the other way.

Yes, but I think we should take the stairs

Since you can walk.

Aah! Aah!

Why didn't she walk?

Are your crazy?

I told you my grandma twisted her ankle!

What do you know?

That really was vanessa's grandma.

That boy's crazy.

I respect him as a boss.

Look. I got a lot of toilets to scrub,

So, huh, huh, uh, uh, uh.

Ohh!

Ha ha ha! Are you ok?

Yeah, I'm good.

Bbbbll.

Bbbbll.

Seth, I think you're a--

Sorry. Let me get this.

And I'll wait weeks, even months for her.

Ha ha ha!

[Laughter]