02x43 - A Fish Called Leshawna

[bunniefuu]

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Chef: Okay, kids,

please turn to page ten in your science books.

(Wings flutter)

(Book whooshes) - HEY!

(Dust plumes) - (Coughing)

Reading gives me pinkeye!

- I'm hearing a lot of complaining

and not a lot of learning!

- How old are these things?

It says here the earth is flat?

And there's a little chapter on mermaids!

- Did... did you just say mermaids?!

Reading time's over, kids!

(Effort grunts) (Dumpster thuds)

(m*ssile whooshes)

(m*ssile explodes)

- That seemed a little... extreme?

- Yeah. What's Chef's problem with mermaids?

They're not even real. - Excuse me?

Mermaids are so real! I should know.

I've seen every mermaid movie

and read every mermaid book.

Also... I got this!

Harold and Owen: Cool.

- It's not gonna rub off for five whole days.

- Whatever. We don't believe this kelp?

Right, guys?

- Tell us more, Leshawna!

- Okay. I've tried everything to become a mermaid queen!

I sleep on a water bed.

I eat nothing but shrimp.

I even started kissing fish

for some reverse Frog Prince action.

- Don't bother.

I kissed this horse at my Grandma's farm

like times and I'm still not a centaur.

- (Horse snorts) - AGHH! (Crash)

Maybe I should try kissing the other end?

- (Sad sigh)

I guess you have to be born a mermaid.

- Well, I don't know about that.

What about Project Bluefin?

(Huffs) You know. There's a viral video

that proves the existence of mermaids?

(Beeps on) A long time ago, the Army fed their cadets

bio-engineered fish sticks

that turned them into amazing mer-soldiers!

The mer-soldiers were amazing in the water,

but they weren't so great out of it.

So the program was shut down

and buried by the government.

- Whoa! Is that Chef?

- It's true. I was a mer-soldier.

But I swear I'm not hiding anything else

from my secret Army career.

(Door creaks open)

(Slams doors) (Guilty chuckle)

- You didn't think to mention your video also proves

that Chef was a m*llitary mer-soldier?!

- I don't do spoilers.

- It says here,

there's still two boxes of fish sticks out there

waiting to turn someone into a mer-person.

But how am I going to track down those fish sticks?

They could be anywhere!

- (Sniffs, gasps) Smell that?

Somebody's having a barbecue...

(Sniffing) in France.

- Bingo.

Hey Owen, I need your help sniffing out

some magic fish sticks.

Then I'll be the most powerful mermaid queen ever!

(Water burbles)

Naturally, I'll be showered in jewels.

And, with my aquatic army,

I'll turn all the taps on,

flood the planet,

and turn it into a Water World.

And as my trusted ally,

you will be second in command

and reap all the spoils of my--

- Whoa whoa whoa.

You had me at fish sticks.

- I can't believe the answer to all my mermaid dreams

was in the school freezer the whole time!

- No kidding. Talk about convenient.

- Okay, so the instructions say,

it's super important to only eat half a box.

Any more can result in--

(Munching sounds)

- Mmm! Fishy.

(POOF)

- OWEN!

- I feel bloated.

- Well, here goes!

(Munching sounds)

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(Energy whooshes)

IT WORKED!

Seashell Tiara, Pearl earrings?

(Squeals) I'm fully accessorized!

Chef: (Gasps) What have you done, Leshawna?!

- Don't you mean... Queen Leshawna,

majestic mermaid ruler of the seven seas?

- And is that Owen?!

- (Long fart, whooshes)

(Splats, burps)

- Yup, definitely Owen.

Did you eat all of my army fish sticks?!

- I was trying to.

- Oh, I never should've kept those things!

- What's the big deal, Chef?!

Being a mermaid is amazing!

- No it's not!

First, your flippers always smell like fish.

- (Giggles) Better than how my feet used to smell.

- And the scales are very itchy!

- Still worth it.

- You don't understand!

The longer you stay a mermaid,

the harder it is to reverse the side effects...

like these!

(Gills breathing) - EWWWWW!

Okay, those gills are so gross... on you.

But on me? They'll look great!

And anyway, I'm never going back to being a human

that hardly anybody worships.

So step aside, two legs.

(Effort grunt, landing thud)

- Storming out is gonna look a lot cooler

when I'm in the ocean!

(Conch shell sounds)

(All gasp)

- Leshawna! You're a mermaid for real?!

- You know it!

- Can you sing pretty songs now?

- ♪ I'm gonna be ♪

♪ An undersea star ♪

♪ I'm gonna be ♪

♪ The queen of the ocean ♪

- Ow!

♪ Ditch all my friends ♪

♪ Bid them au revoir ♪ - Ahh!

♪ Cause I'm in line for a big promotion ♪

- Glorious!

♪ That's right, I'm going to be ♪

♪ The scourge of the sea ♪

♪ A mermaid for life ♪

(Windows shattering) - Ahhhh!

- Did you see that?! I literally blew them away.

Mermaiding rules!

- That's it! I'm calling...

the army!

- Oh no. The Army's just gonna try to stop me

from achieving my destiny.

I've gotta get to the sea as fast as I--

WHOA! OOF!

This could take a while.

Army General: You've got this Mr. President.

Just pick the biggest m*ssile and hit send.

(Alarm wails)

(Phone rings)

Holy smokin' mackerel!

The lobsterline!?

Sorry, Mr. President but we have bigger fish to fry.

You'll have to win this w*r on your own!

Hello?

The Daycare again?!

For a public school, they sure call a lot.

(Tires screech)

(Door thuds) What in Chuck E. Seas

is going on in here?!

- NOT THE ARMY! (Poof)

- Wow. You're getting good at that.

I'm gonna call you Blowen.

- Oh, thank goodness you're here!

If I lose another kid,

I have to take a special class on the weekends.

- I'll stop her!

She'll never reveal our fishy secrets to the world!

- NEVER!

Eat juice box Army Man! - WHOA!

(Laser fires and whooshes)

WHOA! OOF!

- Sorry kids, but I can't let you leave.

- Oh really?

Owen, do what you do best.

- ON IT!

(Grunts, farts)

(Whooshes)

(Laser fires) - Oof!

- Wow, that was amazing!

- And stinky.

- Guys! You gotta help me get to the sea!

Only then can I reach my true destiny

as a Mermaid Queen!

We gotta hurry or we'll miss high tide.

- (Gasps for breath) We're almost there.

(Gasp) Oh No! Look!

(Music sting)

We'll never make it now.

- Have a little faith! I'm a Mermaid Queen!

This is my destiny!

Soldiers: HUT HUT HUT!

- Private Harrison, get her!

- Not my crown!

You guys are chum!

(Splat) - AH! So slimy!

- Cool!

I wonder what other sweet mermaid powers I got?!

(Splat) Soldiers: Ahhhhh!

- You did it!

Um, but where were you keeping all that stuff?!

- Don't worry 'bout it.

Chef: Come on, Leshawna!

Trust me! You don't wanna do this.

- YES! I DO!

(Electricity crackles) (Explosions)

Nothing's gonna stop me from reaching my destiny!

- (Coughs) Agh!

No! Stay back, Leshawna!

I care about you too much to see you throw your legs away!

And I am NOT giving up my Saturdays.

- We'll never make it to the water!

We gotta find a bath tub STAT!

- Uh, that won't work.

It has to be the ocean!

Or a magical shimmering waterfall at the very least!

Leshawna: Hey guys? GUYS?

(Screaming) Both: LESHAWNA!

(Grunts) - It's jammed!

- Ooh, strawberry or raspberry?

- Oh-no-oh-no-oh-no!

- Ah! - AHHHHHHHHHH!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhh...

- She's gonna make it!

(Hard landing thud) OOF! AGH!

(Painful wincing)

- (Effort grunts) - Leshawna wait!

Are you sure this is really what you want?

Think of everything you'll miss on land.

Like ice cream.

- And you know you'll miss my sweet ninja moves!

HI-YA!

Owww!

- Yeah, I'm good.

Later two legs! (Splash)

- And just like that... they never saw her again.

- UGH! Why didn't you guys tell me

the ocean is so cold and gross. Ew!

What was I thinking?!

Change me back! Change me back! CHANGE ME BACK!

(Zapping)

Ha! I knew gills would look great on me.

(Breathing sounds)

Army General: Well done, Private Chef.

At least that's one fish

who didn't slip through our net!

- What about the other half box of fish sticks?

- Don't worry. They are perfectly safe

in a high secure containment unit.

(Ominous music)

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(Button beeps, door whirs open)

- (Gasps) Beef Jerky?!

My favourite! (Munching sounds)

(Energy zaps)

MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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