03x25 - Quiche It Goodbye

[bunniefuu]

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Chef: (Weeping)

- Should we check on him?

- Nah. He'd probably rather not be seen this way.

Chef: (Weeping)

- Nobody look at the crying man.

(Squeaking on glass, splash!)

(Weeping) - (Door rattles shut)

- (Weeping)

- Quick dudes, hide like an ostrich!

- (Weeping)

(Sniffs)

(Weeping)

- We don't really do that.

- That's a lot of crying.

We really should ask him what's wrong.

- The downside of that is he might tell us.

Let's just accept he's a broken man and move on.

- Since Chef is a sobbing mess today,

I'll be reading the story.

(reads) "When John got to the Tomakina Plaza

for his wife's office Christmas party,

everything seemed fine, but--"

(Hard kick) Ahhhhh...oof.

- You wanna hear a story? Here's a story.

A painnnful story about a young boy.

Let's call him... Cheg.

Cheg's mother always took little Cheg out for quiche

at a lovely family-owned restaurant called

Hugs & Quiches.

- What's a quiche?

- It's a fancy French pastry crust

filled with savory ingredients

and held together by fluffy baked eggs.

- So... like a scrambled egg pie?

- Exactly, but they call it quiche

so they can charge more money for it.

- Anyway-back to my story...

Hugs & Quiches was Cheg's favorite place to go.

(Loud thud)

But now an evil quiche company

wants to build their big stupid QUICHEATORIUM

right on top of that little restaurant!

And it'll crush all of Cheg's

wonderful childhood memories.

- How can they do that to Cheg?!

- Li'l Cheg dude deserves better.

- Is Cheg gonna be okay?!

Won't somebody check on Cheg!

- STOP! It's ME! I'm Cheg!

- (Gasps) We've been calling you the wrong name

for three seasons?!

- Wha-? NO.

I called myself "Cheg"

because I was afraid to reveal my vulnerability!

Losing Hugs & Quiches is too painful.

(Weeping, glass shatters)

- Well, that was an overreaction.

- No, it wasn't.

Can't you see Chef's hurting inside,

like the time I accidentally swallowed a porcupine

and got banned from the petting zoo.

- That class trip was wiiild!

- We need to do whatever it takes

to save Hugs & Quiches!

All: YEAH!

- (Groans) Okaaay.

- Sure, saving a quiche restaurant

doesn't sound very exciting.

- Because it isn't.

- But it's super important. - Not at all!

But it'll get us through what'd otherwise be

yet another horrifically boring day.

- That's the spirit, Noah!

Save Hugs & Quiches!

Help us stop the evil Quicheatorium!

Sign our petition to support Hugs & Quiches!

- I'm helpering! - Way to go Cod--eeee...

(Hard thud) - (Pained grunt)

- Ohhh. - That stop sign really works.

Welcome to the first annual, probably one time only,

Save Hugs & Quiches Telethon!

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Call now, our operators are standing by!

- If we get enough calls of support, he'll stop dancing.

(Phones start ringing)

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♪ Oh, a big corporation's comin' to crush 'em ♪

♪ And that's why we gotta Save the Quiche ♪

♪ Stand up for the little guy protect local businesses ♪

♪ And Save the Quiche ♪

♪ It's just an egg pie but it's all they eat in Paris ♪

♪ So save the Quiche ♪

♪ Hugs & Quiiiches ♪

- Quiche Hambone solo.

(Hambone solo)

- That's "Save The Quiche",

performed by tiny humans trying to save

a mom and pop quiche shop. Whether they do it or not,

I'm going to eat this microphone.

All: (Cheer)

- Noah wants to do one more thing.

- The quickest way to get people to side

with Hugs & Quiches

is to turn them against Quicheatorium.

- So we're sh**ting something called

an att*ck ad.

Noah: Action! Owen, say the line...

- Huh? Oh!

(reads) "This ad about Quicheatoium is real

and not made up by kids at a daycare."

- Rearrange the letters in Quicheatorium;

what's it spell? That's right, "vomit baby."

But they got deep pockets and deep media

from reporting that.

- This Christmas kids can ask me for anything.

But all they'll get is a Quicheatorium quiche.

HO HO HO HO.

- Quicheatorium wants you to believe quiche is round.

But we all know quiche is flat.

Trust your eyes, not your eggs!

- The last thing he ever said was

"Does this Quicheatorium quiche taste funny to you?"

- I shouldn't even be talking to you.

The Quicheatorium is liss'nin'.

They're always liss'nin'!

Uh, Uh, RUNNNN!!!

- Okay Chef, this is the last sh*t of our ad.

All you have to do is take a bite of Quicheatorium quiche,

spit it out, and say how bad it is.

- No problem.

I've never tried their quiche and I already hate it!

- Good stuff. Aaaand ACTION!

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- Quicheatorium rules!

Eww. Mmm...

so much... (munch) it's just the (munch) worst...

(Gulps)

- Um, you uh don't have to eat 'em all.

- Gotta make sure there's none left

so no innocent child accidentally eats this.

SO, MMMmmm, BAD.

I'll go throw these away.

I'll, uh, use the trash can in my office.

(Gulps) Oh-ho,

Quicheatorium is waaaay better than Hugs & Quiches.

(Eating sounds)

(Gasp) I need to stop Owen from saving Hugs & Quiches.

You know, kids, life ain't fair.

The little guy never wins.

So good effort, but let's all work together to give up.

- Give up?! But, Chef, we're winning!

- Our petition has over signatures.

- Whoa. Really? Lemme see that.

Woaaaah... oh darn, it's in the wood chipper!

- Chef! - (Gasps)

- Let me get it out with this phone.

(Whirring) - NOOO!

- (Gasps) - The att*ck ad was on there!

- UN-fortunate: that's what that is.

Now giving up is our only option.

SHUCKS.

Well, there's something on my floor I need to eat--

ugh, I mean take care of.

- Oh poor Chef. He's really taking this hard.

- Heya Chef, how ya holding up?

Both: (Gasp)

- He's eating Quicheatorium quiche!

- And liking it?!

- I know what's going on here! - (Gulp)

The Quicheatorium is brainwashing people

with their quiche! It's the only way

Chef would ever turn his back on Hugs & Quiches.

- Oh no! And I made him eat those evil quiches.

What was I thinking?!

- Fear not, Chef. We will avenge you!

- Don't try too hard!

- Okay, let's find the kitchen to see what Quicheatorium

puts in their evil quiches to brainwash people!

(Elevator dings)

- AAHHAA! CAUGHT'CHA!

That's the evil brainwash sauce

you put into every quiche

to control people's minds, isn't it?!

- Oh heavens no.

This is a special ingredient called Joy-Milk.

See, we only milk our cows on Valentine's Day,

the most love-filled day of the year!

That's why you taste love in every bite

of a Quicheatorium quiche.

- Awww, that's not evil at all.

- We should go right to the top.

- YES! That's where evil always comes from!

It's tinkledown evil-nomics! - Follow me!

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(Elevator dings)

- If there's evil to be found, it'll be here

in the Quicheatorium CEO's office!

All: AHHHHHH!!!

- He even looks evil!

- Oh, my. Sorry.

I was just about to speak my daily affirmations

into my flashlight recorder.

(Quietly) Every seed you plant

is a wish that might come true.

- That is so sweet. - Awwww..

- Okay, well, how'd you get that scar on your face?

- I got this by smiling so hard at a baby kitten

I tore my face.

- Duuude, that's the opposite of evil.

- What about your plan to att*ck the world

with Quiche Missiles!?

- That is our new Quicheatorium Without Borders program.

We're sending free quiches all over the world

to feed the tragically quicheless.

- So there's nothing evil about Quicheatorium?

- Um, Of course not.

- This company will never, ever, do anything evil.

- Oh yeah? Well, let me tell you

the story of a little boy named Cheg.

Cheg and his mommy ate quiche every day.

And Cheg was never... happy... again.

- I vowed if I ever hurt a single person,

I would leave this planet,

and clearly I have hurt someone.

(Alarm blares, rumbling) Voice: ... ...

- WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!

Voice: ... ... ... ... ... - YOU KIDS SHOULD GO!

Voice: .........

All: AAAAAAH! - Blast off!

(Rocket whooshes)

- Well, that ended super... weird.

- We saved Hugs & Quiches for Chef!

All: YAYYY!

- Hey...where's Cody?

- Take me home!

- So you'll never have to worry about the Quicheatorium

ever again!

- No Quicheatorium quiche... ever again?

- Nope. And we stopped by Hugs & Quiches

on our way back to school.

(Crunches, hard gulp)

(Soft crying)

- He's so happy.

Those are tears of joy, right?

Yeeah. Chef: (Crying)

La la la la la.

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