03x29 - Gwen Scary, Gwen Lost

[bunniefuu]

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(Lightning strikes)

(Spooky music) Chef: (Witch cackle)

- It's happening again, isn't it?

- Every year.

Chef: (Monster grunts)

What's that Frankenpumpkin? Check my temperature?

(Gasps) He's right!

I'VE GOT HALLOWEEN FEVER!

(Witch cackle)

I love Halloween.

It's the only time of the year I'm allowed to scare the kids

without getting suspended by the school board.

And every year, I scare 'em gooooood.

(Giggle)

There was that one year with The Great Spider Surprise.

- Choo! Choo! Chugga chugga--

- BOOGAHWOOGAHWOOGAH! Both: Ahhhhhhhh!

Chef: (Chuckles)

And the ol' classic monster in the snack jar.

Chef: GAHBAH-GAHBAH! - AAAHHH!!!

Chef: (Chuckles)

I had to cut a hole in the table,

but it was worth it.

But the greatest Halloween scare I ever gave 'em

was last year...

when I was COUNT TRASHCULA.

RRRAHHHHHHHH!

All: (Scream in terror)

- But that was all kids stuff.

This year I'm gonna scare 'em bad!

No more clowning around.

(Snickers)

- Chef's scares are just so bad.

- That man couldn't startle a baby.

- (Groan) Sometimes I can't even fake it.

It's like 'Ahhhh.' (Heavy groan)

- Let's not sugarcoat it;

Chef's scares are stinky, stinky poop!

- Remember that spider one?

- Choo! Choo! Chugga chugga chugga chu--

- BOOGAHWOOGAAAAHHHHHH! OOF! EEE!

AHHH! GUHHH! AHHH! EEE! GUHHH! AHHH!

HELP MEEE!!

Owen: Or that time with the snack.

Can I have a snack, Chef?

Chef: GAHBAH-GAHBAH!!!

- Okay, I'll grabah-grabah a snack.

Duncan: And last year was his biggest fear fail ever.

Chef: (inside bin) (Stifled giggling)

- We know you're in there.

- RRRAHHHHHHHHH!

(Garbage truck rumbles)

- Huh? Hey! NO! STOP! AAAAAAAH!

Beth: We'll be inside.

- It'd be funny if it weren't so very,

very sad.

- Scariest part was how bad he stank

when he got back from the dump.

- Maybe this year he'll just stick to decorating.

- I hope so, 'cause it's getting embarrassing.

(Sad music)

- (Crying)

Bye Sir Bones, thanks for nothing.

Go on, Bat on a Stick, fly away.

Gwen: Watcha doin?

- EEEEE! Oof!

- Relax. It's me.

- Oh, Gwen... (Neck cracks)

Why can't I get that reaction when I try to scare people?

- I wasn't even trying to scare you,

it's just a gift.

- Well, it's a gift I wish I had!

Have any of my Halloween pranks ever scared you?

- Oh. Wow. No.

- (Groans)

I really need to scare those kids this year!

- If you really want to scare them,

maybe get help from someone who's really,

really good at it.

- Yeah, maybe. But whooooo?

- Well, do you know anyone "strange and dark?"

Never laughs? Or smiles?

Always hangs out by herself?

- Hmmm... okaaaay...

I'm thinking...

- Probably dresses in black?

She might be in your office right now?

- (Stumped groans)

- Her name rhymes with WHEN.

- Moh-When? - (Exasperated) ME.

I'm talking about me. - (Gasps)

You're scary! Help me scare the kids, Gwen?

Please? PLEEEASE!

- I thought you'd never ask.

And that's how you pull off a masterful scare.

- It's perfect! Those kids'll never sleep again.

Just one suggestion.

Wouldn't it be scarier if we--OW!

- Hey! I'm in charge. No questions. No changes.

And I require an unlimited budget. Credit card please?

- I don't know if I want to scare 'em that badly.

- Behind your back, they call you The Halloweiner.

- You're in charge. AHHHHHHH!!!

Ho-ho ohhhh. You're gooooood.

Stop. No one goes inside today.

(All groan) - Oh oh.

I smell a steaming pile of Halloween prank coming up.

- Wrong Duncan,

I'm not doing Halloween pranks ever again.

- Ohhh-kaaay. Why's that?

- 'Cause the scariest thing

about last year's Count Trashcula

was how badly I smelled when I got back from the dump.

Right?

- (Nervous) Ohhhhboyyyyy.

- So we can't we go inside

'cause you overheard us trash-talking you?

- No. The school's actually being sprayed

due a bear infestation.

- Bear infestation? Psshh.

This is totally another scare fail.

Excuse me, I have learning to do.

(Humming)

(Bear roars, swipes) - Ahhhh!

(Fighting grunts) Ahhhh!

(Pants) Real bears. Not a prank.

- Told you I was done with Halloween.

The School board found us a temporary location.

Now go join the others on the bus.

- It's the same colour as my uncle's teeth.

- Awwee man, do we have to?

Bear: (Roars) All: (Gasp)

- Last one on the bus is bear food!

- (Giggle) They're already scared!

But uh, how much did the bear cost?

- I said no questions. Let's go.

- We're here, kids. Huh.

Looks a little run down, doesn't it?

(Spooky music)

(Raven squawks)

(Wooden panel thuds)

(Spooky exhale)

- This looks like a house that eats people.

Chef: Oh Cody, don't be silly.

It's just an old school that was shut down years ago

for mysterious reasons that were never made public.

- Well, that just makes it worse!

(Lightning strikes)

- This is giving me the creeps!

- I don't wanna go in!

- Kids. KIIIDS!

You're only thinking this place looks scary

because it's Halloween.

The one day of the year when spirits rise up from the beyond

to haunt the living.

All: AAHHHH!!

- Let's get inside.

You kids ready?

I'll just use this key to unlock the door

and we can-- (Door creaks open)

Smackbottom: DO NOT ENTERRRR! All: (SCREEEEEEAM)

- Because I just farted. Hard.

That's why I said don't enter.

(Sniffs) Seems okay now.

Come-come.

- Uhhh, who are you?

I am Ms. Smackbottom, the caretaker.

I was head mistress of this school for fifty years.

- Fifty years? You must be old.

- WHAT DID YOU SAY?! - (Gasps)

- Because my hearing isn't what it used to be.

Follow me closely,

you do not want to get lost in here.

- (Whispers) Your plan never mentioned a scary old lady!

- I met her last night when I was double checking everything.

She really was the old head mistress.

- Well, she's kinda creepy.

- And THAT is why I hired her. - Ohhhhh.

How much is that costing me?

- Look, either I'm in charge,

or you can try to scare the kids on your own,

Halloweiner. - I'm Sorry. I'm sorry.

It's your show.

- This is one of the many hallways.

We use them to connect different rooms.

- Well yeah, that's what hallways do.

- Not so. Many of these hallways lead to...

dead ends. - Heyyy.

That's a normal sentence that you just made scary.

- Gah! Rats! (Rats squeak)

- Eee. - Ah. - GUH!

- Of course there are rats, we're near the kitchen.

See? Kitchen.

- So is this where we come for snack time?

- No. When it's snack time you hiiide.

You hear me?! YOU RUN! YOU H-H-HIIIDE!

Ooohhh. Did you mean YOUR snack time?

Yes. Yes. You come here.

Now if you'll follow me,

I'll take you to your classroom.

- Why's there a door in the floor?

- Stay back! That's the root cellar,

and we keep it locked at all times.

Especially on full moons.

(Spooky howling)

(Repeated rams)

- What is that?! All: Ahhhhhhh!

- Must. Be. The. Wind!

- This is great!

Even I'm a bit scared, and I know it's all fake!

- As you can see, this was the perfect environment

for fostering educational excellence.

- Ms. Bottomsmacker,

where's the little boys room?

- Do your business in the backyard,

then bury it like a good boy.

(Spooky Organ sting)

(Footsteps crunch) - Ah-Hah!

I'll just hold it.

(Faint singing of the children's choir)

(Quivering)

♪♪♪

(Quivering)

- What is that?

- Where's the music coming from?

- THERE'S NO MUSIC HERE!

- Huh. I thought I heard singing...

children singing.

- You heard nothing. Understood?

- I-I thought I heard it too.

Like a creepy children's choir.

But Gwen never mentioned that in her plan, so--

Anyway, do these kids look scared or what?! (Chuckles)

- Singing was banned here after the school choir's

devastating loss at the regionals.

Legend has it they sang so horribly

that the ghost of their performance

still haunts this school!

(All scream) NO! - Too dark!

- Ms. Smackbottom! - Where are you?!

- Hang on, kids, I almost got it.

Where'd she go?

(Whispers) Tell me this is part of your plan!

- I wish I could but... I can't.

- Everything is fine, kids!

I'll protect you. We gotta be brave.

I'll jus-just get my phone out and uh--

and call my mommy!

(Dialing beeps, wall mount cranks, floor opens)

All: (SCREAM)

♪ Tan ta da ♪

All: Ahhhhhhhh!

- Ahhhhh!

- Annnnnnnd cut. Great work, everyone.

Chef never suspected a thing.

- Woohoo! - We did it!

- Yeah!! Didja see his face!!?

- Awe yeah. (Giggle)

Chef was like "Eee."

- HEY!! We still have a lot of work to do.

Stay focused. Harold?

- I'll meet you in the control room.

- Duncan, I need Leshawna ready in minutes.

- Hey, I'm a special effects makeup artist,

not a magician.

- Everyone else: stick to the script and the schedule.

- (Giggle) You sound like Courtney.

- Say that again.

(Bell tolls, lightning strikes)

- (Gulp) I won't.

- I've invested too much of my time

and Chef's money into this to have it fail,

so yeah, I'm being Courtney-ish,

but Courtney gets things done.

Never tell her I said that.

- You were perfect, Grandma.

We couldn't have done it without you.

- Anything for my favourite grand daughter.

And now I'm off to bingo.

- Okay. Good luck. - Don't need it.

I'm gonna cheat. (Laughs)

- I can't believe that's your Grandma.

- I don't care for the rest of you.

- Oh, now I see it.

- Chef and the others should be landing in the basement now.

Let's do this.

(Screaming, landing thuds)

- Courtney! Sugar! Where's Cody?!

Cody: (Muffled groan)

I'm a pancake!

- It's no time for hide n seek, Cody!

- Oof! Owe!

- What just happened? (Pants)

Where are we?

(Low snarling)

(Glints and slices) - (Shrieks)

- (High-pitched laughter)

- I feel faint. Catch me! - Oof!

- No-no-nonono. This wasn't the plan.

- What do you mean by "This wasn't the plan?"

- Nothing! Nobody panic.

We just need to find our way back to Gwen and--

Ahhh! That creepy choir's back.

(Faint singing) GWEN?! Where are you?!

- Use your phone.

Call the school board; they'll help!

- Yeah! I'll call 'em!

(Dialing beeps, line rings)

(Beeping) - Chef's call is coming in now.

- Remember, you're just a nice, confused, old lady.

- I'm ready.

Yesterday I worked on my character's backstory.

Her name's Helen. She has two cats,

collects tea pots,

and she's allergic to Gilfeather Turnips.

- Just answer the call.

- Total Drama School Board.

This is Helen, how may I help you today?

- Oh! Thank goodness!

We're trapped in the basement of the creepy school house!

Can you call Ms. Smackbottom and tell her to come get us?

- (Slurping) Oh my.

But Ms. Smackbottom passed away twenty five years ago

in that very house.

- WHAT?! All: (GASP)

Bu-Haa-Wh? How did she die?

- Heh. I knew he would ask.

- Well... (long slurp of tea)

I probably shouldn't be telling you this but-- (Static)

- Hello? HELEN?? HELLO?!

Please help us find a way--

- Great, now activate the signal blocker

so he can't make or receive any more calls.

- Already done, Sweetie. (Slurps)

(Coughs) Ughh. Tea is horrible!

How does Helen drink this stuff?!

(Slurps) - Ohhkaaay.

(Dialing beeps) Oh come on, now what?

- You just made a call. How can there be no signal?!

- Was Ms. Smackbottom a goat?

- Cody. Heh. Did you mean to say ghost?

And YES, I think she was!

- Wh-There's no such thing as ghosts.

We just gotta find a way outta here

and I'm sure we'll be-- - Hey...

there's a hallway over here. - Good one, Sugar.

Okee dohkee. Lead the way.

- I'm scared, Chef. You go first.

- No reason to be scared, it's just a hallway. (Gulp)

Cody, you go first.

- Sure... but let me say goodbye to my new friends.

- Oh-kay... - Chef! JUST GO!

♪♪♪

- Izzy. Chef's heading into the hallway.

Are you ready behind the wall?

- I certainly am.

- Ohhhhhboy. Painting's watching us.

(Whispers) Anyone else seeing this?

- Seeing what?

(Light Growling)

All: AHHHHHH!

- Izzy?! I told you NOT to do the dog painting.

Izzy: (Barking sounds)

- You're lucky it worked! Just get to your next station.

I hate working with amateurs.

- They're getting close to the east stairwell.

- Perfect. Duncan. Is Leshawna ready?

(Brush rasps)

- My work is flawless.

You're not paying me nearly enough.

I'm not paying you at all.

Get 'er down there it's time for her part.

- Being a little hard on him, aren'tcha, Pumpkin.

Ooo! Land sakes!

(Pants) - We get back upstairs,

find the classroom, grab the other kids

and get outta here.

(Growling sound)

(Loud bangs, clangs, growing)

(Loud howl)

All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(Loud howl)

- That was a great scare, Leshawna,

now get to your next location.

Owen, they'll be in the classroom any second, be ready!

- GWEN! KIDS! We gotta get-- All: Ahhhh!

- Where are they?! Cody: (Pained groan)

- They gotta be here somewhere. Duncan?! Beth?!

- Maybe they went looking for us.

- Yes. We should sit near these old desks

and wait for them to come back.

- Sounds good to me, I'm tired from all that being carried.

- Harold?! This is bad. So bad.

- We'll be fine though, right Chef?

- SUGAR! GET AWAY FROM THERE!

- Why? AHHH!

Both: AHHH!

- What was that?!

- I-I'm scared!

(Courtney, Cody through walkie) Sugaaaar!

- Nice Owen.

Now hit 'em with the wave of fake blood.

(Liquid trickles)

- Is that a trickle of blood?!

- Trickle?! Owennn?

What happened to the rest of the strawberry jam?

- I ate it.

(Faint singing of the children's choir)

- There's that creepy choir again.

- I don't wanna be here anymore.

(Piano plays)

All: AHHHH!

- (Witch cackle)

I'm good at this.

(Gasp) Maybe when I grow up I'll be a piano!

(Closing thud)

- I've never been so scared in my life.

But at least I'm not alone.

We need a new plan.

I'm thinking! Let me think!

- I think I have a plan. - So do I!

- Cody shush, the smart one is talking.

- Maybe there's a telephone attached to the wall.

I think they're called land lines.

If we find one--

AHHHHHHHHH!

Both: Ahhhhhhh!

- Now it's just me and Cody.

(Whimpers) I don't wanna be alone with Cody!

- I get it. I'm alone with me all the time.

I can be a lit-tle annoying.

- Nice work, Leshawna. - Great scream Courtney.

- I know.

A lot of great actors have made successful transitions

to political appointments.

Hope I can count on your vote. - No.

- You have my vote.

What?

My face was already stained like this when we got here.

- Uh huh.

Everyone get ready for the big finale.

Let's scare the pants off of him.

Beth, if Chef and Cody head back your way

you need to direct them back towards Duncan.

- I regret saying I'd do whatever job you gave me.

- They're just bats, Beth.

Think of them as big bees without stripes.

- Gwen? Courtney? Anyone?

- I ward off evil spirits!

- (Bats squeaking) Ughh!

They're nothing like bees!

Ugh! (Vent cover clanks open)

(Distant clanging, rumbling)

- What's that noise?

(Clanging, bats squeaking)

- AHHHHHH!

(WHAP, WHAP, WHAP) Cody: OOF! EEE! AHH!

- (Pained grunts) Soory!

- Cody compels you to go away! AHHHHHH!

Cody: (Screams)

Helllllllllp.

These flappy rats are strong.

- I LOST ALL THE KIDS! ALL OF 'EM!

Gotta get help. (Bell tolls) What is happeni--

(Picture frame thuds)

But-but-THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!

AHHHH! (Glass shatters)

(Faint singing of the children's choir)

LET ME OUT OF HEEEEEEEERE!

I'm sorry kiiids!

(Gramophone starts skipping)

What's going on?

Gewn: GOTCHA! All: Happy Halloween!

- Gwen?! Kids?! You're okay?!

Cody: Ahhhh... OOF!

- But I don't understand, Gwen.

We had a plan and-and--

- Yeah, I tricked you.

The class and I wanted to do this to thank you.

- Thank me?

- For all the hard work you put into

trying to scare us every year.

- You're terrible at it. OWW!

- But we really appreciate the effort.

- All of this hard work... was a present for me?

(Slowly sobbing)

Aw, come on, bring it in kids!

- Oh, I forgot the scariest part.

The bill for what this cost.

(Music sting)

(Loud scream)

Owen: Looks like Chef's back to loving Halloween.

- Where is he anyway?

- Yeah. I haven't seen him at all this morning.

- Probably inside planning

another one of his "scary" pranks.

- GRARRRRR!!! - (All scream)

- AHHH!

- HA HA HA! YES! YES! YESSS!

Best scare ever! YEEEAH-HA-HAAHH!

- Good one, Chef.

- Thanks, I had a good teacher.

Did I scare you a little too?

- No. You'll never be that good.

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