[Music]
libido what do I get for my libido go
Henry apart from 15
points now let's see 4 week eight
program timer sophisticated digital
display counter laap button infrared
controls all right all right to enjoy
flaunting your wealth in the face of the
jobless now Tak that notice of Chris
Hamish unemployed male models are
notoriously caty and it is instant
record mode and full stereo output
that's amazing
hello yes he is just one moment Chris
for you hello
yeah
yeah right
uh uh tomorrow yeah yeah uh uhhuh I'll
be there yeah what does it entail
exactly hello
hello I uh want you all to save for this
moment cuz the years to come you'll be
able to tell your grandchildren you were
there when it happened when what
happened that was the boss of my
modeling agency tomorrow I step before
the cameras for the first time oh Chris
that's wonderful Monica give me some
grandchildren so I can tell
them good short notice for a job B short
notice for a grandchild somebody's
dropped out at the 11th Hour it involves
massive exposure cuz it's a telec
commercial don't tell me we're looking
at the new PG tips chimp
right Mom Monica please it's for an
international publisher I'm a bit short
on details but I gather I narrate some
verse so it's all very upmarket and
eyebrow why NE they W you then I'm not
just a pretty face Hamish have a certain
calm Authority me and the ability to
radiate intelligence cool I've never
seen you radiate intelligence have you
ever seen him radiate intelligence now
don't spoil his moment Monica he's done
very well he deserves our full backup
and support so anytime you want to
borrow my mascara feel free
um Carol there's only one L in
drool how could God do this to me oh
Chris pull yourself together a pimple is
not the end of civilization it's a mere
flaw on the jaw yeah but with my luck
it'll it'll erupt just when the director
yells
action in my line of business a pimple
is professional su1c1de it's like a
butler having Bo
enry you're a medical man do something
yes do something Henry bandage his
tongue I'll get it time I was off anyway
well good luck yeah especially with the
radiating intelligence bit I'm the calm
Authority Chris calm it down a bit will
you I want you to walk out of this room
a jobless male model with a zit and come
back a star with a
zit Captain bird ey I presume I don't
normally strangle people on Sundays
chummy but I'm more than willing to make
an exception in your case no he's not
himself today Richard he's got a
job do you know from a second I thought
you said you got a job I am he has he's
going to be impersonating an intelligent
Radiator on your way Jack well never
mind I'll explain on the river what do
you think is this Jolly voting gear
Sheila as ever you look good enough to
hey naal
naal bye bye have fun bage and you speak
French as
well oh I think I'll launch a major
offensive on the garden it's like a
jungle out there if I don't do something
soon we'll have David bellam me nosing
[Music]
round you seemed to be alone yes we have
the house to ourselves so the last thing
we need is an
observer what exactly are you suggesting
can't you
guess of course Scrabble
how's your wr's
block it's like a dark cloud hovering
over my Publisher's
deadline perhaps I could help you oh I
hate to see a man with a blockage I'm
more than have to my services as a sort
of literary Dino
Rod ah we're out of letters so
everything depends on on my next move
what's the score oh very much neck and
neck isn't it all I have to do to win is
get 548 with my final word good luck
jaxel what am I supposed to do with that
laxo
ocks ah got it
gooly if you used that ey brilliant
Igloo oh yeah I I was thinking more in
terms of axiology actually ah axiology
of course why on Earth didn't I think of
that probably because I've never heard
of it oh it's the uh it's the science of
the significance of values you're the
most significant man I've ever met Henry
I think you're brilliant it's just that
I've played a lot of Scrabble not since
you're a genius and well the fact is I
find of a turn
on excuse me spray thirsty work
gardening anyway I'm making progress I'm
glad someone is I just hope you
gardening is better than your
timing I see no way out Sheila because
if grp Lomax is halfway up the matter
horn in his dinner jacket in chapter n
he can't seriously expect to appear in
the hotel lobby in chapter 10 true he'll
be far too busy in his new role as the
world's best dressed snowman there's
absolutely nothing he can do he could do
a frozen penguin
impersonation Sheila please why doesn't
he overpower the villain and pinch his
thermals because that villain is over 50
ft away and grip is unarmed but grip was
Captain of cricket at Harrow wasn't he
so so there's no shortage of ice on the
matter horn all he needs to do is find a
handy lump of ice about the size of a
cricket ball and imagine the villain's
head as a set of
stumps ice hits skull at 80 mph and ow
that exit one villain to that great
Pavilion in the
sky that's absolutely
brilliant we do our best you know this
proves what I've long suspected what's
that that you're indispensable to
me it's just that I've never seen your
room right well there it is and you can
tell so much about a person from their
room oh de uh right well perhaps I can
show you some of my equipment now you're
talking it's quite old this it's a
Victorian tongue depressor why should
anyone want a depressed tongue kinky lot
the victorians yes um oh this is a
fairly ancient spigo monometer oh I'll
get you a new one for
Christmas right uh what else can I show
you are you kidding
Oh Henry you've got a skeleton in your
cupboard it's my
father's your father's skeleton I prefer
to keep it out of sight you mean that is
the actual skeleton of your actual
father when I say it's my father's
skeleton I mean I
mean yes yes it's it's my father's sched
oh gosh is that the doorbell knocking
must go here
Henry thank you Father
[Music]
oh
[Music]
that part do you actually know what I'm
doing Sheila sorry a navigational tip I
know you mean well but let's not forget
that I had a fairly distinguished Naval
career and I managed navigate a type 42
Destroyer with a certain amount of
success sorry Captain I'm just an
ignorant land level I can assure you the
river tend is very small beer indeed to
a man is rounded cake hor in all its
Fury I steer these Waters confident that
I'm one of the most qualified men of
flat to tell me what that
[Applause]
means I forgot to fill
[Applause]
out shall we just drift gently to shore
then and get some
[Applause]
lunch oh I plann to turn this Wasteland
into a veg patch to save my money it's
taking me hours to do this bit could be
1990 before we get our first carrots how
well do you know
Henry not as well as I'd like Carol
mainly because you got to him first in
your usual Swift style he's been looking
very nervous ever since he obviously
never realized there was a man eater at
large in the house we finished well I
was going to add that I sometimes feel
like f*ring a tranquilizer dart into one
of your hyperactive
thighs you're welcome to him because
he's sick sick very very sick
he's got a skeleton in his cupboard a
real life
skeleton feel Dead one medical students
have a lot of homework Carol they need a
skeleton to refer to during their lonely
hours of study anyway it's a bit a
company for them but it's his father's
skeleton oh they must have been very
close I mean it's so sick I mean surely
a normal medical student hangs clothes
in his cupboard not his next to Kin
[Music]
thanks
[Music]
CH don't worry Richard I'm sure even
Nelson ran out of petal
occasionally we head for the nearest pop
hardly if you'll uh follow
me
[Music]
I'm
impressed good because I'm hoping this
will be the most memorable Luncheon of
Our Lives well it'll certainly be the
largest
I have something rather important to say
now
Sheila what are you doing thought you
going to say
grace hopelessly helplessly desperately
and irreversibly in love with
you gosh that's an awful lot of adverbs
Richard will you marry
me it's just that Ben's memory is very
strong my head head in my
heart in my shelves your
shelves DIY every time one of them falls
off the wall I think of
him I'm no stranger to grief myself you
know oh come on Richard dilia didn't die
on you she merely aled a waybridge with
your stock broker still hurt he was a
very good stock
broker
I can put up shelves that fall off the
walls I'm not saying never you're
not what did you think I'd
say but best what you said at worst I
thought you might throw me
overboard not a trace of Madness on the
surface is there he looks so mild
mannered but then so did Dr
crippin Henry you know that skeleton
you've gotten loarn from your dad yes
well Carol's under the impression that
it is your dad or rather once was I know
well you see it's rather put her off you
I know you see I've been trying to put
car off me for some time but um it's
very difficult to do these things
without feelings being hurt you know oh
you're so sensitive Henry I really like
that fact is Monica that over sex
limpets just aren't my type
oh what is your
type um well since you ask um I think
you maybe me
yes you fancy you're walk in the
park
cheer up don't let spoil a lovely day oh
a thousand apologies unforgivable on me
not to appear the happiest man alive but
this is difficult for me too
Richard Madness absolute Madness no it
wasn't it was very nice of you to ask me
it's Madness for you to turn me down oh
yes look I'm truly flattered that you
decided to take the plunge and I'm truly
sorry that you landed on your head but
I've have so much to offer you Sheila my
heart my
life my bank account we have everything
in common have we well name me one
subject just one on which we don't feel
the same politics apart from that
Chinese food apart from that religion
half
that
that
that men hand that smell a pip tobacco
apart from that
nson
ah see really Richard we got absolutely
nothing in common at all I mean we're
not even the same
shape Italian food love it me too um
Boven my favorite M
too Mom hello this have
hi
bye seem undy con s oh it takes a lot
more than that to shock me Richard I'm a
child of the 60s remember which is I
fear yet another thing we don't have in
common come in oh don't sulk I'm dying
for a cup of tea so am
I which proves conclusively that we do
have something in common apart from
always wanting the last
line
you're never going to believe this what
would you say if I told you that Henry
keeps the bones of his father in his
cupboard I'd say you were
deranged nothing in common I'll put the
kettle on Carol Henry's father is a very
much aive and kicking GP one of dawkings
best and very well covered in flesh now
the anorexic gentleman upstairs in the
closet is the property of Henry's father
not what's left of
him do Monica know this uh
pass you're good to be all right there's
one thought that sustains me Sheila at
least you never said never me
never see you soon
mhm ah sorry excuse me that's mine my
daughter and my
friend pass
again well Carol if it isn't Tweedle Dum
and Tweedle D or should I say bonio and
Juliet excuse me I'm a
doctor look before you k*ll me I really
think I should tell you that you and
Henry were doomed from the
start well suppose you could be right I
mean I mean I know Henry's very
intelligent but he's also amazingly
boring on the quiet no he's not he's
just a bit cerebral for you you see what
a man like Henry wants from a
relationship his brains first and sex
second you'd be better off with someone
like Chris who wants sex first and let's
face it sex second as
well I can't claim it was any great
challenge all I had to do was look cool
and ooze sophisticated sex appeal really
it was very much the dawn of a mega star
situation and then to cap it all
Samantha Fox dropped in to offer her
congratulations I never felt so
smothered in a claim you'll be smothered
with this horin if you don't shut up he
it's been brag brag brag all
evening anything on the box tonight mom
uh no nothing no Chris is right the only
thing that's on was CA blaner and that
finished half an hour ago may I
interject at this point not if it makes
a mess on the
carpet
Mrs Haden through the power of video I
have Humphrey bot and ingred Bergman
ready and waiting in the wings oh heish
of all the houses and all the towns you
all the chis you had to walk in a
mine which uh which channel was it on
ITV hands up who wants to play cards no
My Monopoly
shage I want to see the now it should
start immediately after these
commercials yeah sooner the better why
not zap through the ads with your ex
speed facility good
idea hold on don't we know that face we
my
free that long have you got a stop
facility a rewind facility and a played
Again Sam with a volume up
facility read all about it in the globe
on the eve of the superpow summit
tomorrow's
Globe plus the globe says nickers as we
unveil our soury special offer Thrills
and thrills as you unrobe with the
globe plus make a million when the globe
gives you the
[Music]
goose with a flip of my beak and a flash
of my legs I'll hatch you a mint with my
golden
eggs and p 3 five7 and nine Globe boys
and girls all in tomorrow's
globe why is your beak so high 4 in low
it would have covered your pimple it was
a goose
pimple so I think you were miscast
you're totally the wrong sex for a goose
you're much more of a gander guess what
I've just found a slow motion facility
hands up all those who'd like to see a
goose oozing sophisticated sex appeal in
slow
motion I think you look very sexy and
white and I think we're all agreed that
you waddle with a certain amount of Cam
Authority honestly you should have told
us Chris we would not have laughed at
you we we don't think any the less of
you because You' got feathers and webbed
feet I'm off to bed now Mom M Richard
proposed to me
today and
well we haven't got a thing in common
but I mean hardly a
thing why is it I like him so much
because he's very likable and he makes
you laugh and he's kind
just like Dad was true and he's actually
very good at DIY just like Dad wasn't he
loves you Mom I know I mean this could
be my chance of achieving not only
happiness but shelves that stay
up oh I wish you'd be serious for a
minute you're a constant worry to me am
I yes I don't think you appreciate how
difficult it's been for me bringing up a
mother
single-handed never knowing where my
next father's coming from it's it's
probably just a stage I'm going through
I grow out of it and finally a nice boy
like Richard comes along and what
happens nothing so far no well it's got
to stop do you hear me I think you
should seriously reconsider his proposal
I think it was Shakespeare who once said
the path of true love is always a bit
iffy sleep well I want you to ponder
hard on what I've said oh I will I give
it a really hard
Ponder good night Mom
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
d
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
love
01x06 - Episode 6
Watch/Buy Amazon
Maureen Lipman played Sheila Haddon, whose husband had d*ed 18 months before the start of the first series. He d*ed without any insurance, so on top of her grief she has to pay off the mortgage of her house (No 20).
Maureen Lipman played Sheila Haddon, whose husband had d*ed 18 months before the start of the first series. He d*ed without any insurance, so on top of her grief she has to pay off the mortgage of her house (No 20).