01x06 - All We Do Is Win

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

That's why recycling's important
in order to save the earth.

It's the only planet
we've got.

And that's time.

You guys, you are ready for
Friday's inter-school debate!

We are gonna make
Westchester Prep

wish they were never born.

Those trust fund kids
would never wish that.

They're boat owners.

Look, you're prepared.

You've got an amazing leader.

Thank you. I know I've been
crushing it as team captain.

I was talking about myself.

But that's really good because
it is somebody's first debate.

I'm not worried about it.

Again, talking about myself.

The point is
you guys are rock stars,

unlike those arrogant, rich
Westchester Prep kids who --

Who we aspire to be like!

...are going down.

Everybody turn your attention
to Mr. Escalante,

who I bribed to be
our practice judge

with a plate of brownies.

Which she ate.

Uh, but I am here,
and I have a few pointers.

Okay, uh, Miles,

when making a rebuttal,
remember to make eye contact.

But if you don't,
you're still gonna k*ll

'cause you are
so charismatic.

I am, aren't I?

Okay, um, Makayla, you build
solid arguments, but --

There are no buts.
Except for this one.

You go, girl.

Doin' my best.

Yeah, you are.

Just a quick word?

How am I supposed to
give 'em pointers

when you keep telling them
they're amazing?

I want them
going into that debate

thinking they can walk
on water.

And what happens when they try
and sink to the bottom?

Then they inflate
their giant egos

and they float to the top.

Look, these
high-achieving kids

are already dealing
with a lot of pressure.

Last week, Makayla got
a stress fracture

from jumping up
to answer a question.

Yeah, her "ooh, ooh, oohs"
get pretty physical.

Yeah. Exactly.

See, these kids are already
their own worst critics.

They need someone
to lift them up like

Meryl Streep
in "Mamma Mia!"

And you are Meryl
in this scenario?

Obviously.

Fine. Uh, okay, what if we
just tone down the praise,

like, a tiny bit?

I can do that.

Floor is yours.

Alright, uh, now, Sarah,

uh, when finishing
an argument --

Remember, my mom
is in charge of your pension.

Thank you
for that reminder.

Okay, uh, just when finishing
an argument,

just make sure to --

'cause we are winning
Friday!

Hey, play my song.

♪ All I do is win, win,
win no matter what ♪

♪ Whenever me and Khaled
do the remix ♪

♪ Everybody hands go up ♪

Okay, great,
now Robyn --

♪ And they stay there,
and they stay there ♪

♪ And they stay there ♪

♪♪

Bad news.

Holden Zhang is running against
you for school treasurer.

Whatever. That dude uses
a calculator for division.

[ Laughs ]
Somebody just got Luked!

Okay, well,
according to my Insta-poll,

he tests high with hypebeasts,
VSCO girls, sneakerheads,

kids who watch anime,
kids who get laid --

The entire school.
I get it.

[ Chuckles ]
What makes up my base?

Boys named Luke and Miles.

Well, that's
not good enough.

I'm not just running
for treasurer.

I'm stepping into
my destiny

of being a political
power player/owner

of the San Francisco Lukes.

I'm gonna buy the Niners
and change their name.

And it all starts here
with a catchy slogan,

like, uh,
"Vote Luke Burrows."

Mm.

"'Cause you're worth it."

That's L'Oréal.

It needs to be something real,
like, "Just vote for Luke.

We know you don't care."

Just get someone
super popular to endorse you.

Makayla, it's a little tacky
to endorse myself.

[ Chuckles ]

I was going to suggest
Terrell.

He floats between groups,
and everyone likes him.

You know,
your problem areas.

Hey, you can't talk
to my candidate that way.

No, no, no, it's okay.

It's about time we had someone
around here

who speaks truth to power.

We're gonna go with
Makayla's endorsement idea.

Wait, what?

If you love her idea
so much,

why don't you just make her
your new campaign manager?

Miles, you're my best friend.
I would never do that.

Meet your new...

co-campaign manager!

Hey, hey, work hard.

Go Lukes.

What's your angle?

End bamboo utensils
in the cafeteria.

I know
I petitioned for them,

but I need a plastic Kn*fe
to cut my pizza.

Oh. I thought this was
just a power grab.

That too.

Well, good luck.

'Cause when you come
for the king,

you better not miss.

I'll get that later.

♪♪

♪ All I do is win, win,
win no matter what ♪

♪ Creamer in my coffee,
I can never get enough ♪

That creamer expired
three months ago.

Mmm!
Just the way I like it!

Okay, um, can I show
you something?

This is your competition.

Westchester hasn't lost
in four years,

and you're about to
see why.

Which is
a theoretical framework

in which
the point-like particles

are replaced
by one-dimensional objects

called strings
that propagate through space

and interact with one another.

Man: Jefferson High,
your rebuttal?

Wow.

Told you they were good.

You also think
Arby's is good.

How was
I supposed to know?

Like, what do I do?

Maybe you should start
being frank with your team

that this won't be
a lay-up?

Uh, pass.

Let me tell you a story
about a little round boy

with no rhythm
who wanted to be a dancer.

His mother told him over and
over again how great he was.

Ends up humiliating himself
in front of the entire school.

Do you know
where he is now?

Standing
right in front of me.

No! He's doing 20 to 25 upstate
for grand theft auto.

You're not
little round boy?!

The one time I listen
to one of your stories,

and you walk me
into a wall!

♪♪

Hey, Terrell,
wouldn't it be cool

if we snapped
a quick selfie

to get your endorsement
for school treasurer?

Yeah,
just make it quick.

Hold up.

Luke, usually when a candidate
wants an endorsement,

they offer
something in return.

Quid pro quo.

Now you're speaking
my language.

Terrell, I offer you
my undying gratitude.

Ah, thanks, man.

Pbht!

That's
a nice opening offer.

You could throw in
something delicious

and we can start
a conversation.

How about my tuna sandwich?

[ Hums ]

Pbht!

Fine, I will go
to the vending machine.

What would you like,
Terrell?

Sour Patches, baby.
[ Chuckles ]

Wait!

Make it a double.

This feels very American.

I'm about to
get carried away with this.

♪♪

Elliot.
I thought about your advice.

Mine?

Go on.

And then I thought
of something better.

Alright, that was fun
while it lasted.

Instead, I'm just gonna get
the kids to work harder.

Oh, it's that simple?

Yeah, teaching's not
that difficult.

[ Chuckles ] Well, can you
even motivate them

seeing how much
you pump them up?

Relax,
they're not that pumped.

Kids: Meadows Creek!

Meadows Creek!

Meadows Creek!

[ Cheering ]

No! My hair
is way too cute today!

What is happening?!

You told us to practice,

so we're practicing
our victory celebration.

Awesome, yeah, no.

I love the energy,
I do.

Um, I just found out that
Westchester is tough.

Like, they're little Terminators
sent back in time

to win debates.

[ As Terminator ]
I'll be back.

To win this argument.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Normal voice ] Humor.

Yeah, yet another reason
to vote Luke Burrows.

Point is we need to double down
in our debate prep.

And stop manifesting
our big-win energy?

Sounds like a waste.

Yeah, and you said that we were
the Avengers of debate

and that we were
gonna ruin Westchester

like drug-store bleach
ruined your hair.

There is no way
I used those exact words.

Alicia: You are the Avengers of
debate, and you're gonna ruin

Westchester like...drug-store
bleach ruined my hair.

New rule --
no more recording me.

Unless I'm being hilarious.

Well, that saves me
some data.

Okay, we really need
to turn up our debate prep.

Hey, speaking of
turning it up.

Do not get turnt!

We have a lot of work
to do!

♪ All I do is win, win,
win no matter what ♪

♪ Got money on my mind,
I can never get enough ♪

♪ Whenever me and Khaled
do the remix ♪

♪ Everybody hands go up ♪

So?

Can I get
your endorsement?

I've already
gotten your tea,

carried your books,
touched up your fade.

Oh, masterfully.
[ Chuckles ]

Thank you.

Tell you what,
the endorsement is yours

right after you top off
these Sour Patches.

Okay, you don't have to
shake them at me like I'm a dog.

Who's a good boy?

I am.

You'll never believe this.

Holden Zhang dropped out.

Yep, once he realized there was
a monthly committee meeting,

he was like, "Nah."

W-- Well, the committee meetings
are the best part.

That's where we get into
the nitty gritty of the budget.

You're back to
running uncontested.

Oh, that is amazing!

Hey, Terrell.

Aah!
My sour babies!

What the hell, man?!

This guy's done
being your errand boy.

Okay, well, if that guy
had a problem with this guy,

then he should've left
these guys out of it!

Well, those guys wouldn't
need to be involved

if that guy
wasn't so greedy.

Well, this guy is so greedy
'cause that guy's so needy!

I did not know bro code
was an actual language.

Holden dropped out, so I no
longer need your endorsement.

It's not like you were gonna
get me that many votes anyway.

Oh, so you won't mind if I take
them when I run against you.

You? Ha! Never.

You're going down.

No, you are.

See you on the campaign trail.

Come on, team.

You coming?

Oh, yeah,
I only back winners.

I'm gonna see if Terrell
needs a campaign manager.

How do you sleep
at night?

Same way I do everything.

Better than you.

♪♪

Ooh, Elliot, come here.

I finally figured out a way to
give criticism to the students

without them
getting super upset.

Let's hear it.

You look like Harry Potter
with a drinking problem.

Hey!

Here's a present.

Ooh.

Pez.

[ Crunching candy ]

It's the exact approach I'm
gonna take with the students.

You hit them with the reals
then follow with the feels.

[ Gasps ] Trademark.

And what are these reals?

Oh, I wrote them down
so I wouldn't chicken out.

Here.
I can show you.

Uh...
Oh, sh**t.

I must've left them
on the lectern.

I left them
at the lectern!

Harry Potter
with a drinking problem.

"Sarah Maris leans
on sarcasm over facts."

Wow, what a
profound interpretation

of human behavior.

She got the reals
without the feels.

You guys weren't supposed
to see that yet.

Uh, Sarah,
this is for you.

Hmm.

A mini license plate
that says "Luke."

It's everything
I've ever wanted.

Here, I got to find
the right one.

"Luke Burrows has unearned
confidence and entitlement

that distorts
his credibility"?

Sarah, give him
the license plate.

Hurry up!
Timing is everything!

What kind of twisted
Secret Santa

are you
trying to play here?

No, the document you guys
are reading,

which I was hoping
to read out loud to you,

is supposed to make you do
better at tomorrow's debate.

How is pointing out

that I'm passionate
about women's issues

with a perfectionist streak
that can be easily exploited

going to help me?

Actually, that's mine.

Right, mine says I have
poor attention to detail?

Okay.

Do you actually believe
these things about us?

-Seriously, why don't we just --
-Guys, guys, guys.

You are amazing,

but so is Westchester.

Don't panic.
We're gonna work this out.

How are we supposed to work out
that I'm a team captain

who needs to get out
of her own way?

And no, the answer is not
giving me a fluffy doll.

It was a pair of jelly heels.

God,
you're unbelievable.

I shy away
from confrontation?

I'm not gonna argue
with that.

Can I have my gift now?

Have all of them.

♪♪

Robyn, hold on.

You're not supposed to be
running in the halls.

♪♪

Wait, wait, wait,
seriously!

These pants are way too tight
to be sweating in them.

Look, I know that taking
criticism can be hard.

I can take criticism just like
how I could've taken it

two weeks ago
when we first started prepping.

How are you
not getting this?

No, wait, Robyn.

[ Groans ]

I don't know exactly how,

but this is all your fault.

♪♪

Vote for Luke. Want a cookie?
Hey, want a cookie?

How come nobody
wants to eat my face?

I mean, the Tic Tacs you used
for your teeth

are a little off-putting.

Hey, let me see
that cookie.

[ Chuckles ]

Damn it!

It tastes delicious!

Come on.

♪♪

...sure all the extracurriculars
are adequately funded,

and that is why
you should vote Terrell!

Because treasurer doesn't start
with an "L."

It starts with a "T."

[ Applause ]

God, he's good.

Hey, Miles.
You got any extra cookies?

My parents need some mulch.

Hey, hey,
listen up, everybody!

If you vote for me,
I'll Venmo you each $5.

Oh, oh,
did you hear that?

He wants to
buy your votes!

[ Booing ]

Sorry, I meant --
I meant $10.

[ Cheering ]

Hey!
Okay, oh, hey.

Money's nice,
but if you vote for me,

you'll get this
every Friday.

Pizza!

[ Cheering ]

Ooh!

Really, dude?

I'm sorry.

But it's pizza.

Don't worry. We can
regroup back at HQ.

Let's just go back
to calling it the library...

'cause my campaign
is obviously dead.

Damn, I'm good!

Seriously, taste me.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you even want this?

I've already had like six.
[ Chuckles ]

No, I mean
being treasurer.

Uh, I don't know. I mean,
I wanted Sour Patch Kids.

Next thing you know,
I'm running for office.

Come to think of it, that's
actually how I got into debate.

And swimming, baking.

Focus.

Okay, look, truth is
Luke challenged me,

and I don't ever back away
from challenges.

I'm just
teaching him a lesson.

Yeah, but Luke really
wants to be treasurer.

It's the first of 46 steps
to become a Senator.

My point is,
if you're his friend

and you really
don't want this,

then maybe you
should reconsider.

♪♪

Yeah, just remember,
clear and direct.

That's all you got --

Hey, uh,
everyone's accounted for

except for Robyn.

They really want to win,
but they're a little freaked out

their team captain
isn't coming.

She didn't quit
'cause of you, did she?

Absolutely not.

Ah, see,
that takes me back...

to Robyn telling me
she quit because of you.

Where is she?

Usually, when a teacher wants
something from a student,

they...

offer something in return.

Um, I have...

two loose Advil?

Pbht!

Oh, uh, hey, how about a crappy
grade if you don't play ball?

Understood.
Follow me.

Hey, Elliot, stall.
Do whatever you have to do.

Okay.

Yoga it is.

Alicia:
[ Clears throat ]

Really?

She went full
authority figure on me.

I'm not
going to the debate.

Look,
if this is about me,

I'm sorry I didn't give you
that feedback sooner.

So why didn't you?

Why does a groundhog
need to see his own shadow

to know if it'll be
a long winter?

No one knows.

Actually,
it was a fable

spun by the industrial farm
complex to ensure that --

Have you brainiacs ever heard
of a casual conversation?

Look, I know how hard
that stuff is to hear,

and I didn't want to
bring you down.

Yeah,
but I'm team captain,

and you're trying to protect me
like I'm some little kid.

That's...
totally fair.

I really was just trying
to keep it positive.

I know, but instead,
you were being fake.

I mean, one of the things
I like about you

is that you actually
cannot help but be yourself.

What other teacher would admit
to joining a cult?

SoulCycle is not a cult,
it is a lifestyle.

Really?

I promise from now on
not to pull any more punches,

and I hope that
you will do the same.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay, I don't see
that going over well.

Uh, what is so funny?

You think I can't handle
some honest feedback?

'Cause I have fluorescent
lighting in my apartment.

Really? 'Cause I have
some critiques for you.

I wrote it
when I was mad.

You have to send me
a copy of this later.

Oh, you wrote three pages.

Super cool.
Mm-hmm.

Self-absorbed.

Check.

Immature. I'm gonna take that
as "young."

Okay,
I would not have to laugh

at my own jokes
if other people did.

I'd like to be done
with this game now.

[ Chuckles ]
I'm sorry, I'm --

I went a little bit
overboard.

You're happy with yourself,
aren't you?

Definitely happier than I was
a few minutes ago.

Me too.

[ Chuckles ]

Then you've not gotten
to the back of page three yet.

[ Laughs ] Yikes.

♪♪

Into dancer's pose.

I hope Ms. Gomez
can find Robyn soon,

because I've seen angles
on Mr. Escalante

I can never unsee.

Hey,
if Robyn doesn't show up,

why don't you just
run in her place,

since that's
what you do now?

Alright, that's fair.

I'm sorry I ruined
your campaign.

I just got really caught up
in the competition.

Truth -- this guy doesn't even
want to be treasurer.

So he's dropping out.

That means a lot.

But you're soft.
You'd never make it in politics.

[ Chuckles ]

I can tell
you're really upset.

I'm sorry I got so intense
about the campaign.

Are you kidding?

I love the drama.

I'm just a little
worried about Westchester.

I know.

At first, I thought
that kid was cute.

And now you think
he's a vampire

sent back to feed
on your confidence?

I do now.

At least
we'll go down together.

Nobody's going down
except for Westchester.

-Hey, you made it!
-Oh, thank God you're here.

Of course I did.
Come on, bring it in.

Alright, everybody listen up.

I know we're the better team,
and if we stick together,

we're gonna win this,
because I believe in you,

and Ms. G believes in you,
right?

Damn right.

Now hurry up so your parents
don't get tired of waiting

outside in their cars.
"Win" on three!

Together:
One, two, three, win!

Wow, you guys lost bad.

Yeah, we did.

Did you just hit me
with the reals

and then follow
with the feels?

'Cause that
is trademarked.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey,
if you think about it,

Westchester kind of
did you a favor.

You don't have to worry
about your team

having big heads anymore.

[ All chanting
"We're number two!" ]

Guys,
that chant doesn't sound

as good
as you think it does.

We're runners up!

[ All chanting
"We're runners up!" ]

My fellow students.

Hi, my name is Terrell Hayward.

And in this upcoming election,

I'll be voting for
my close personal friend

Luke Burrows
for school treasurer.

Luke --
he's what's for dinner.

Do they know
everyone voted yesterday?

One loss at a time.

♪ All I do is win, win,
win no matter what ♪

♪ Got money on my mind,
I can never get enough ♪

♪ Whenever me and Khaled
do the remix ♪

♪ Everybody hands go up ♪

♪ And they stay there ♪

♪ And they stay there ♪

♪ Up, down, up, down,
up, down ♪

♪ 'Cause all I do is win,
win, win ♪

♪ And if you goin' in,
put your hands in the air ♪

♪ Make 'em stay there ♪

♪♪

♪ And they stay there ♪

♪ And they stay there ♪

♪ Up, down, up, down,
up, down ♪

♪ 'Cause all I do is win,
win, win ♪

♪ And if you goin' in,
put your hands in the air ♪