05x02 - Ironhand

[bunniefuu]

We're right on time. Marco must be
waiting for us somewhere in this basement.

Signal him with
your flashlight, max.

Right, chief.

Gee, chief, did you see how
quick he answered my signal?

I know. Signal him again, max.

- Boy, is he fast.
- He's too fast.

Max, turn your flashlight
on and leave it on.

But that's not
the signal, chief.

I know that. Just turn it on.

Just as I thought, max,
that's our reflection.

You're signaling a mirror.

And it answered me?

Turn it off, max.

There's marco now.

Now remember, he has vital
information concerning kaos.

We must find out what it is. I'll be
upstairs watching the entrance.

- Right, chief.
- Oh, max,

Shine your flashlight on the
stairs so I can find my way up.

Right, chief.

Chief, are you all right?

Chief, don't ever do that.

Max, would you mind keeping your flashlight
on the stairs until I get all the way up?

Sorry about that, chief.

Marco, where are you?

I'm over here.
Turn on your light.

- Are you maxwell smart?
- What?

I said are you maxwell smart?

- Yes, are you marco?
- What?

I said are you marco?

- Yes.
- What?

I said yes.

- Good.
- What?

I said g...

This is ridiculous.

We can't hold a
secret conversation

Yelling at the
top of our voices.

Look, why don't you get
on top of that barrel?

Good idea. Turn on the light.

I have top secret
information concerning kaos.

What?

I have top secret
information conc...

Never mind, I'll sit down.

Kaos has just been
acquired by i.h. Industries.

Of course, i.h. Industries.

Who is i.h. Industries?

They're a very big conglomerate.

They already own
steel companies, airlines,

Oil companies and a
chain of pizza parlors.

Hm, with all that capital behind
them there'll be no stopping kaos.

The man behind i.h.
Industries is a fiend, a madman.

And now that he owns kaos,
he's out to control the world.

Well, who is this madman?

Ironhand.

I made it. I made it!

What are you talking about?

Well, don't you
see? In the movies,

Whenever the informer
says, "his name is..."

A sh*t rings out
and he's k*lled.

I fooled them. I didn't
give them a chance.

I said his name
first and I'm alive.

Oh, well that's very clever.

Oh, thank you.

I didn't get the name.

Oh, you didn't?
Well, his name is...

His name is...

Well, chief, I got here as
quick as I could. What's up?

What do you mean, what's up?

Take a look at this office!

How come I wasn't
invited to the party?

Max, kaos was here.

You invited kaos to the
party and you didn't invite me?

Kaos broke in here and
ransacked my office.

But I don't understand, chief.

Kaos has never been able to
penetrate control headquarters before.

That'll give you some idea
of what we're up against now.

This man who took
over kaos is cunning,

Diabolical, ingenious...

But there's one thing he's not.

- what's that?
- neat.

Take a look at my
telephone. Look at that.

Somebody with incredible
strength did that!

And look at that wall safe...

ripped out of three feet
of steel and concrete.

What do you suppose
kaos was after, chief?

I know perfectly well
what they were after.

What they've been after
for several months now:

The plans for the a.a.a.m.m.

- You're stammering, chief.
- I don't stammer!

You always stammer
when you get upset.

I'm not upset!

When I said the a.a.a.m.m.

I meant the anti-anti-
antimissile m*ssile.

See what I mean?

Thank heavens the
plans weren't in the safe.

And the way things
are looking now, I don't

Think they'll be safe
anywhere in washington.

Max, I'm gonna assign you and 99

To get those plans
safely out of washington.

Well, I don't think that's
such a good idea, chief.

I'd rather you didn't
put 99 on the case.

After all she is
pregnant, you know.

That's precisely why I
want her on this case.

Her condition is a perfect
cover for this operation.

Now, max, you and 99

Are to contact agent


The bye-bye baby
buggy bargain bazaar.

Is that barbie's bye-bye
baby buggy bargain bazaar?

No no no. Barbie's bye-bye baby
buggy bargain bazaar is on balboa blvd.

You're to go to bunny beebe's bye-bye
baby buggy bargain bazaar on barnaby blvd.

Oh, we're just
browsing, thank you.

Come on, 99, we've
gotta find agent 44.

Right.

Max, look at this
adorable carriage.


Stop to look at carriages now.

- Let's buy it, max.
- We can't buy a carriage now.

You don't buy a carriage
before the baby is born.

You buy a carriage
after the baby is born.

But, max, it's marked down.


Going to buy this carriage.

Besides it's taken.

- Hello, 86.
- Is that you, 44?

No, it's spiro agnew.
Of course it's me.

- Who else would get a job like this?
- Spiro agnew?

- How are you feeling, 99?
- oh, I'm fine, 44.

Do you have our
instructions, 44?

Right here under the blanket.

This doll will give
you your instructions.

all you have to do
is pull the string.

Thank you, 44.
We'll see you later.

Gee, I wish there was
something we could do for you.

Oh, don't pay any attention
to my complaining, 86.

Every so often these assignments
get to me and I get fed up.

then I talk to myself and I
realize I'm a control agent.

and I'm here because
this is the way

I've chosen to serve my country

And my fellow man.

Chief: good
afternoon, 86 and 99.

a baby carriage,
specially constructed

by the control weapons lab
has been delivered to this store.

using that baby
carriage as a cover

you will pick up the
a.a.a.m.m. Plans in three parts.

In three parts?

in three parts. Each part is
useless without the other two.

you're to take the carriage. It's
the blue one with the sold tag on it.

then proceed immediately
to 99's obstetrician.

you will make contact
with someone in the office

who will give you
further instructions.

good luck. In five
seconds this doll will wet.

- What?
- Not what, max, wet.

Max, look at this.



But it just looks like an
ordinary carriage to me, max.

What weapons do you
suppose they've built into it?

I don't know, 99.

Max, stop it!

Max, turn it off!

No wonder this carriage
was marked down.

Which one do you think
is our contact, max?

The one in the black raincoat.

How do you know?

Well, 99, when you've been a
secret agent as long as I have

You begin to sense these things.

I'll go over and sit next to
her and give her the password.

Pussycat, pussycat,
where have you been?

Well, I never!

That's not the password.

I've been to london
to visit the queen.

Oh, do you know her?

That's the password.

Pick up part two of the
plans at stillmore's drugstore.

Here's part one.

How are we gonna recognize
our contact here, max?

The same way that we recognized
our contact at the last place...

By using the password.

Well, please try to be a little
bit more discreet this time, max.

Shh! That may be
our contact now.

Pussycat, pussycat,
where have you been?

I've been to london
to visit the queen.

You pick up the third
part of the plans

On the corner of
grant and sherman.

Right. Before you go, I
just want to tell you,

That's a great disguise
you're wearing, fella.

What disguise? I'm a real lady.

Max, we've been waiting
here for two hours.

No one's tried
to contact us yet.

But we have to stay here, 99.

I just can't go around
knocking on everybody's door

And saying, "pussycat,
pussycat, where have you been?"

Hey, watch where you're
throwing the papers, kid!

Max, look!

That kid must have
been the contact!

This newspaper must be
the third part of the plans.

You're right, 99. Look,
right here in the index.

Part one, news;
part two, sports;

Part three, secret plans.

Now all we have to do is call the chief
and find out where to deliver the plans.

The chief is really
gonna be proud of us, 99.

Do you realize that we've
carried off this whole operation

Without being spotted once?

Well, crawford?

It's obvious that the
triple-a-double-m plans

- Are in that baby carriage. Right?
- Right.

And once they're in my possession
those plans will bring me enough capital

To buy out other
corporations and industries.

Eventually I'll rule
the stock market.

And when I'll rule
the stock market

I'll rule the world.

And I'll rule the world

Like I rule everything else.

With an iron hand!

Yes?

thank you. I'll inform
him of that immediately.

Ironhand, congress
absolutely refuses

To grant your airlines
any routes over the pacific.

They what?

Very well.

All right, if that's the
way they wish to play.

Call my construction company.

Tell them to go ahead with the
plans to build a freeway to japan.

yes, sir.

- And bring me a fresh globe.
- yes, sir.

- Now where was i?
- We were talking about getting

The a.a.a.m.m. Plans
from control.

Oh yes, and now we'll relieve
maxwell smart of those plans.

By 3:00 this afternoon

I want them here on this desk.

You see what you did?

If you'd brought
me the fresh globe

When I asked for it, this
wouldn't have happened.

Send in my best man!

And a carpenter.

Got a little business
for you to tend to, earl.

These are your instructions.

Good luck.

Send in my second-best man!

Max, this carriage will
never fit in your car.

No, but it'll fit
in the trunk, 99.

- I'll fold up the carriage, 99.
- Right, max.

Max, there are two kaos
agents watching us. Hurry!

I will, 99, if I can just find out
how to fold up this carriage.

Well, usually there's a
lever that releases a spring.

You're right, 99.

Max, they're getting
out of their car, hurry!

This must be it.

You know something, 99, I don't
think this carriage folds up.

It doesn't matter anymore, max.

We don't have a
car to put it in.

All right, mr. Smart,
we'll take that carriage.

You wouldn't like
it. It doesn't fold up.

It's not the carriage we're
interested in. It's what's inside.

You mean this?

Not the bottle, the plans.

Oh well, then we
can throw this away.

I don't understand it larabee.

Max should have picked up
the third part of those plans

- And reported in by now.
- You're right, chief.

Larabee, are you hiding
something from me?

Why do you say that, chief?

Because ever since
you got back from lunch

You've been standing there
with your hands behind your back.

Let me see your hands.

What's that on
your hand, larabee?

I bought it at lunch and
it got stuck on my fingers.

Why don't you get
some oil and get it off?

There's no point in doing that,
chief. Tonight's my bowling night.

I'm afraid something
has happened to max.

Control headquarters,
larabee speaking.

Oh, just a moment.

It's max. You want
to talk to him?

Max, where have you been?

Well, chief, we picked up
all three parts of the plan.

Then we were att*cked by two
kaos agents, but we got away.

Somehow they found out the
plans were in the baby carriage.

- We were afraid that would happen.
- You were?

yes, but we were prepared
for it. Now listen carefully, max.

proceed to the airport
directly as planned.

But what if we're
followed, chief?

Don't worry about that. As
soon as you get to the terminal

We're going to put operation
baby buggy switch into effect.

Operation baby buggy switch?

But, chief, that'll require 15
agents to carry out that operation.

- I've got 16.
- 16?

Oh, it'll never
work with 16, chief.

Well, of course it will, max. It'll
work better with 16 than it will with 15.

Well, I'm not so sure
about that, but we'll see.

In the meantime 99 and I will
leave immediately for the airport.

Good.

Larabee, get the president
on the hotline immediately.

Right, chief.

Hello. Hello?

- I can't get the operator.
- Well, jiggle the receiver.

Larabee, you
smashed the hotline!

How am I gonna
get the president?

I'll get him for you, chief.

Mr. President!

Larabee, you can't call
the president that way.

what do you want?

You what?

They what?

Escaped.

Idiots!

Get me my secretary!

You destroyed the intercom.

Right.

I'll have to call
you back, helen.

I think my boss wants me.

Cancel all my
appointments today.

I'm going to the airport.

What's holding up max? He should
have been here five minutes ago.

I don't know.

Here he comes now, chief.

Good, I'll give the signal
to start the buggy switch.

Flight 86 now arriving gate 3.

Well, 99, we made it.

Operation baby buggy
switch is about to begin.

I'd better get to my
station right away, max.

Goodbye, love.

Attention! Attention!

All passengers
departing on flight 86,

Please report to gate 3.

Oh, tough luck, fella.

Allow me to introduce
myself, mr. Smart.

My name is ironhand.

I'm the president
of i.h. Industries,

The company that
has just acquired kaos.

We also own monarch
steel, royal oil, orbit airlines,

United broadcasting corporation,

Computer electronics
and the san diego zoo.

Oh, well in that case...

And now, mr. Smart, hand me
the triple-a-double-m plans.

The what?

- The, um, a.a.a.m.m.m...
- You're stammering.

I know, I always do that
whenever I get nervous.

Now, mr. Smart,
give me the plans.

I know they're in that carriage.

Well, I'm afraid you're
mistaken, mr. Ironhand.

Hand them over,
or I'll crush you.

Excuse me for laughing
into your hand, mr. Ironface.

But the plans that
you're talking about

Happen to be on a plane,

On their way to a top
secret destination.

- Where?
- Okinawa.

- I don't believe you.
- You don't? Good.

I know they're in that carriage.

I'm telling you that
you're mistaken.

There's nothing in this carriage.
You can see for yourself, look.

There's nothing in here
but some plans and...

Now how in the
world did I end up

With the same carriage
I started off with?

I told them 16 wouldn't work.

I'll take them, mr. Smart.

Let's not be foolish, mr. Smart.

I want those plans.

You will have to k*ll me first.

- I was going to do that second.
- Oh.

But if you insist...

Oh boy!

Now, mr. Smart, I'm
going to crush you

Slowly against the wall.

Go ahead, ironhand, but
it won't do you any good.

Because you're finished,
washed up, wiped out,

- Bankrupt.
- What are you talking about?

All you have to do is to
go over to the newsstand

And look at the paper.
Read the headlines.

The stock market
dropped 21 points today.

Oh, no!

Max!

- Max, are you all right?
- I'm fine, 99. You okay?

- Oh, I'm all right, love.
- Chief: max!

What happened? Who's he?

That, chief, is ironhand.

The mastermind
behind i.h. Industries

And the new head of kaos.

Here are the plans, chief.

Well, I guess that just
about wraps up this case.

I think you and I
can go home now, 99.

I'll call an ambulance.

Oh, that won't be necessary,
chief. We'll take a cab.