05x04 - Widow Often Annie

[bunniefuu]

Good sh*t, max.

- Ann cameron just got in.
- Where?

She's sitting there in the
front row. Don't look now.

I told you not to look now.

Nice sh*t, lou. It's our serve.

Which one is she, chief?

you see the man in the
front row with a beard?

- That's ann cameron?!
- No!

Ann cameron is
sitting next to him.

She's the woman with the hat.

Wow! She's beautiful, chief.

Yes, beautiful and deadly.

- She's already m*rder*d 12 control agents.
- 12?!

She marries them,
insures them heavily,

Then murders them
and collects the money.

- She must be very wealthy.
- No, kaos is very wealthy...

She turns all the
insurance money over to kaos

To finance their operations.

- Which one is maxwell smart?
- The one who is serving.

I'd better move very
fast to k*ll this one.

Why do you say that?

Because he's liable
to k*ll himself first.

Well, that's a set,
max. Nice game, fellows.

Man: yeah.

Chief, there's something I don't
understand: how do I fit into all of this?

Max, for the past week, we've been
sending her flowers every morning

- And signing your name.
- My name?!

Yes. This morning's flowers
contained an invitation

For ann cameron to join
you here for cocktails at 5:00.

Oh, I can't do that, chief.
I have to get home early.

Tonight is our anniversary and I
promised 99 I'd take her to dinner.

Yes, you're dining with
ann cameron tonight.

I don't think 99 would like
another woman along, chief.

You're having dinner
with ann cameron alone.



Max, you're just going to have to
explain to 99 that you're involved

In a very very
serious assignment.

Now, I want you to romance ann
cameron, I want you to charm her,

I want you to have
dinner with her

- Every single night this week!
- Are you crazy?

I'm a married man. My wife is
about to give birth any minute now.

- I can't do that.
- Max, that's an order.

Why do I get all the
lousy assignments?

- Hi, 99.
- Oh.

Gee, I'm awfully sorry that I have to
leave you alone for dinner tonight.

Oh, max, it's an assignment,
I understand that.

Yes, but what a terrible time for an
assignment like this to come along.

After all, tonight is
our first anniversary.

When you're a control agent,
your duty just has to come first.



Don't you touch me!

What's the matter?

You know perfectly
well what's the matter.

You don't love me anymore
because I'm fat and unattractive.

This is ridiculous, 99! Just because
you're fat and unattractive,

Doesn't mean that I
stopped loving you.

Why don't you just
go ahead and say it, max?

Huh?

- Fat fat the water rat.
- "Fat fat the water rat"?

You take that back!

What's the matter with you, 99?

Oh, I don't know. I just
am so jealous, max!

And I think the chief had some
nerve putting you on this case.

I mean, you're a husband and
you're about to become a father.

Well, that's exactly the reason
why he did put me on this case.

I mean, what man who is married

And whose wife is pregnant is
gonna look at another woman

Or touch another woman or
think about another woman?

- Really?
- Of course.

At least until after
the baby is born.

Oh, max, I'm sorry
I was so jealous.

That's all right, 99.
Don't worry about a thing.

We're gonna have our
anniversary dinner tomorrow.

- Oh, really?
- Yes, sir.

- First thing in the morning.
- In the morning?

What's wrong with
tomorrow night?

Eh, tomorrow evening? Yes!

Uh, well, I can't make it
tomorrow evening, 99.

I'm having dinner with
ann cameron, ahem.

I wonder if it was
something I said.

- Maxwell, we're home.
- Hmm?

Huh? Oh! Oh, yes!

Well, I certainly
wanna thank you

For a wonderful
evening, miss cameron.

- Call me ann.
- Ann, yes.

I'm sorry that our
evening had to end so early.

Is your headache any better?

My headache? Oh, yes.
Well, it's much better.

It's going away, but
it's much much better.

- Well, good night.
- Oh, wait a moment.

- Aren't you going to invite me up?
- Up where?

Up to your apartment.

Oh, that up. Yes, well,
you can't go that up.

What I mean is that we're
not allowed to have visitors

After 2:55 in the morning.

- Well, good night.
- Um...

What about a good night kiss?

- Huh?
- A kiss... Good night.

On our first date?!

An evening with you
is like an eternity.

Oh well, in that case,
all right, but just one.

Not like that. Like this!

Ann, would you do me a favor?

Anything. anything!

Reach into my jacket pocket.
There's a g*n there, take it out.

What do you want
me to do with it?

k*ll me.

Max, what are you doing here?

You're supposed to be
sailing with ann cameron.

Uh, yes. Well, that's what I
came to talk to you about, chief.

Last night, I gave this a
great deal of thought

And I came to an
irreversible decision.

- Didn't we, 99?
- Yes, you did.

What is he talking about, 99?

Chief, you have to take
me off the cameron case.

Doesn't he, 99?

Max, you know I can't do that.

But you've got to,
chief. Doesn't he?


Make a great sacrifice.

I'm gonna ask you to stand by
while your husband pretends

To be in love with
another woman.

Now this isn't going
to be easy for you, 99.

You're gonna be all alone while your
husband carries out this assignment.

He may be gone days,
he may be gone nights,

he may even be gone weekends,

but he has to do it.

Not for me, for his country.
His country is calling him.

But, chief, you're asking max

To spend a weekend
with a strange woman!

Wait a minute, 99. My country
is calling me. Isn't it, chief?

Let me put it this way, 99...

You're about to have a child.

don't you want that child
to grow up in a country

That's free from strife,
where every man is equal,

Where there's brotherly
love in the very air you breathe?

Of course she does, chief.

What country is that?

I guess I've never thought
of it that way, chief.

Max, I think you'd
better stay on the case.

Well, all right, 99, but I just
wanna put your mind at ease...

Just because ann cameron
may be young and beautiful

And sexy and wealthy and
witty and fun to be with,

It doesn't mean that
I'm gonna be enjoying it.

Mr. Smart, there's a
telephone call for you.

You can take it over there.

Thank you. Excuse me, darling.

How is it going?

Excellent, schroeder. He's
succumbing to my charms.

- Hello?
- Chief: how is it going, max?

Excellent, chief. She's
succumbing to my charms.

when do you think
she'll make her move?

Tonight.

When will you make
your first move?

This afternoon.

Excuse me.

To us.

- Hi, sweetheart.
- Gee, max, you're home early.

- It's only 1:30.
- Eh, yes.

Well, I've got great
news for you, 99...

- That case is almost over.
- Max, that's fantastic!

Well, I've gotta get
a good night's sleep.

- I've got a big day tomorrow.
- What happens tomorrow?

- I'm getting married.
- Oh.

Well, I think I have everything

I'll need for the
honeymoon, my darling.

- Did you put your pajamas in, max?
- Huh?

- Your pajamas.
- Oh, I won't need any pajamas.

- What are you gonna go sleep in?
- I don't plan to sleep, 99.

Max!

Oh, 99, how many times
do I have to tell you

That ann cameron always kills her
husbands right after the ceremony?

Oh.

I'm sorry, we
gave at the office.

Max, it's me!

Oh, chief! You put your
collar on backwards.

It's supposed to be that way,
max. I'm marrying you today.

Has there been a change in plans? I
thought I was marrying ann cameron.

You are marrying ann cameron;

I'm performing the ceremony.

If we used a real minister,
this ceremony would be legal!

Chief, is there a chance that
anything could go wrong?

No, I hope not, 99. But we'll be
watching max and ann every minute.

The moment she tries to k*ll him,
we'll have her for attempted m*rder.

But what if she kills him before
you get there to stop her?

Then we'll have her for m*rder.

And that's even better, 99.
It's tough to b*at a m*rder rap.

Max, if you're ready, I
think we'd better go now.

- We don't wanna be late for the ceremony.
- Right, chief.

- 99, Are you ready to go?
- Just a minute, I'll be right with you.

Max, did you invite


Well, of course. You don't
think I'm gonna get married

Without my wife being there.

We are gathered
here this afternoon

To join together this man
and this woman in matrimony.

Into this estate, these two
persons come now to be joined.

Do you, ann, take this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband

To love, honor and cherish

As long as you both shall live?

I do.

And do you, maxwell, take this
woman to be your lawfully wedded wife

To love, honor and cherish

As long as you both shall live?

I do.

Who is she?

Eh, well, just an
old girlfriend.

Can I have the ring, please?

- Huh?
- The ring!

Oh, the ring. Yes
yes, of course.

The ring, uh... Eh...

The ring. Yes, well, a very
good friend of mine is holding it.

I'll be right back.

Hey, 99, let me have
your wedding ring.

No! That's my wedding ring!

You don't understand, 99. If
you don't give me that ring,

We can't get married.

I'm not gonna let that
woman wear my wedding ring max.

It's bad enough that
she's getting my husband.

- She's not gonna have my ring too.
- You don't understand, 99.

If you don't give me the ring, the
wedding will have to be postponed,

And I'll have to keep
dating her night after night.

Oh-hh. Here.

Place the ring on
the bride's finger.

If anyone here knows any reason

Why these two should not
be joined in holy matrimony,

Let him speak now or
forever hold his peace.

By virtue of the
authority vested in me,

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

You may kiss the bride.

Congratulations, darling.

Is everything ready?

Yes. Have you seen the supports

Of the terrace outside
your hotel room?

As soon as he steps
outside onto the terrace,

It will collapse.

And he will fall 12 floors
to the street below.

Thank you, thank
you, uncle schroeder.

Good luck to you, my son.

We don't know how
she plans to do it, max,

But we'll have you under
constant surveillance.

When you think she's
gonna make her move, max,

Step out onto the
terrace and signal me.

I'll be waiting down
the street below.

- Hi. Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Chief: oh.

Maxwell, it's getting late.

I think we should be
checking into the hotel.

Eh, yes. Well, if you'll
excuse us, we have to go now.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Good bye, everyone.

Now wait right there, darling.

I wanna carry you
over the threshold.

Well, how do you like it?

- Who is it?
- ann.

I'm awfully sorry,
darling, I forgot about you.

Oh, how gallant.

Well, I'll go into the bedroom

And slip into something a
little bit more comfortable,

But in the meantime, why
don't you make us some drinks

- And sign these papers?
- Papers?

- What kind of papers?
- Oh, don't bother to look at them now.

It's an insurance policy
leaving everything to you

In case something
should happen to me.

Oh, well, that's very
generous of you, ann.

There. All right.

Now why don't you take the
drinks out onto the terrace

And I'll meet you there?

- Who is it?
- Man: room service.

I didn't order any room service.

- Compliments of the house, sir.
- Chief?!

- Boy, am I glad to see you.
- Why? What happened?

Chief, I think we've
got the wrong girl.

What do you mean?

You should have seen
what that sweet kid just did.

She made me sign
an insurance policy

Turning everything she
owns in the world over to me

In case anything happens to her.

Did you read the policy, max?

- Huh?
- Did you read the policy?

- Well, no, she told me not to bother.
- We have the right girl.

Now that you've signed the
policy, she'll try to k*ll you.

- She will?
- Yes.

- How will she do it, chief?
- I don't know, max,

But she made the last


- Who is it?
- the chambermaid.

- It's the chambermaid, chief.
- If she sees me,

She'll know I'm not
a hotel employee.

The terrace... Hide out
on the terrace, chief.



Max, I wanna make
sure you're all right.

I'm fine, 99. Now, you'd
better get out of here

- Before my wife sees you.
- Max, I'm your wife.

Yes, I know that, 99. I
mean my other wife.

- Who is it?!
- hotel manager.

The manager? Max, he'll
know I'm not a chambermaid.

- The terrace... Hide out on the terrace.
- Right.

Max, it's not really the hotel
manager. It's me... Larabee.

I know it's you, larabee.

Didn't the carnation fool you?

No, the carnation
didn't fool me.

- What are you doing here?!
- I was standing downstairs

And I got your message
and I came right up.

What message?

Didn't you drop a
message in the flower pot?

No, I didn't drop a
message in the flower pot!

No wonder I didn't
find anything in the dirt.

- Ann: maxwell?
- get out on the terrace.

But I thought we were going to
have our drinks out on the terrace.

Eh, the terrace? Yes! Well, it's a
little chilly out on the terrace.

I thought it would be much
better if we had them in here.

Oh, but I wanted to have
them out on the terrace.

Yes, but it's so warm
and comfortable in here.

Get out on the terrace!

Boy, you sure are
a nut for fresh air.

Oh, I'm not going
out there... You are.

That's how I intend to
k*ll you, my dear husband.

That's how I k*lled
all my others.

All right, drop the g*n.

That's just what we've
been waiting 10 years to hear.

- Larabee, you've got your tape recorder?
- Right here, chief.

- Good boy.
- When do you want me to turn it on?

Nobody move. I was up
on the roof watching.

Three people out on the terrace

And it still didn't collapse.

I don't understand.

I undid all the
bolts. It should've...

Oh, I see what I did wrong.

I unscrewed it, but I
forgot to remove it.

Which one is that?

This one.

You're through, miss cameron.

I'll take my ring
back, please...

And my husband.

Miss cameron, you're under arrest
for the m*rder of 12 control agents.

You can't arrest me, you
don't have any evidence.

He didn't have his
tape recorder on.

Well, maybe his wasn't...

But mine was.

All right, larabee,
take her away.

I'm sorry, maxwell.

Of all my 12 husbands, you were
the only one I ever really liked.

I was almost tempted
to go on a honeymoon.

She's so beautiful.
What a shame.

What will they do to her, chief?

She'll probably get
about 100 years, max.

Well, maybe she'll
be lucky and get life.

In that way, with good behavior,

She could be off in seven
years. That isn't too long.

Max.

Oh, I was only kidding, 99.