05x07 - And Baby Makes Four: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

I knew I forgot something.

Here's a map of the shortest
route to the hospital, 99.

- Direct me as we go.
- Okay, max.

We left the apartment at 8:20.

Now according
to my calculations,

We should be at the
hospital at precisely 8:31.


Make it so fast?


That map for five months.

I know more shortcuts in this
town than even the police know.

Max, you're fantastic.

We're coming to spring
street. Which way do I go?

- Uh, spring street... Turn left.
- Right.

A little mistake there, 99,

But I'll make up for
it by speeding up.

Don't go too fast, max.

All right, where do
you think you're going?

- To a fire?
- No, to a hospital. My wife is pregnant.

- All right, follow me.
- No, you follow me. I know a shortcut.

Hold on, 99. Here's where we
come to our first shortcut.

Okay, max.

Well, I cut off a minute there.

And the antenna on the
officer's motorcycle.

- What time is it now?
- It's 8:26.

Okay, here's where I
save another two miles.

Hey, max, look at the
traffic at the light up ahead.

If you look at that
map closely, 99,

You'll see that I
found a shortcut

That'll get us
around that traffic.

Oh, I see. We go around
the bijoux theater.

Nope, we go through
the bijoux theater.

Oh. Oh!

Gee, 99, I wish we
weren't in such a hurry.

Why, max?

That was a humphrey
bogart movie!

Right on the nose... 8:31.

Is this the hospital
you wanted to get to?

Yes. Why?

Well, this hospital is
only two blocks away

From where I picked you up.

You wait there. I'll
get you a wheelchair.

That won't be
necessary, officer.

She's not going to
have the baby today.

Wait a minute...

What do you mean she's not
gonna have the baby today?

Well, she is going
to have the baby,

But this was just a trial run.

You see, we wanted to
see how long it would take

To get from our
apartment to the hospital.

And we made it in
less than nine minutes.

- Isn't that wonderful, 99?
- That's wonderful, love.

- There's only one thing wrong.
- What's that?

This isn't the hospital
where I'm gonna have the baby.

It's four months since kaos
changed their secret headquarters,

And we still haven't been able to
find it. I just don't understand it.

Now look at this, chief. Here's
something I never noticed before.

- What's that?
- Linley lane is a through street

I thought it was a dead end.

What difference does that make?

"What difference
does that make?"

It's four blocks
shorter to the hospital.

Max, we're trying to find
kaos's secret headquarters,

Not a shortcut to the hospital.

Yes, well, I wanna make sure


After all, I don't want my son
born in the back of a taxicab.

Max, believe me, we'll get 99
to the hospital in plenty of time.

Well, I certainly hope so,

Because hospital
rates are very high

But not nearly as high as cabs'.

Max, do us both a favor.

Call 99 and see if
she's feeling all right.

Then you can put your mind at ease
and we can both get back to work.

My mind is perfectly at
ease. I don't have to call 99.

- Then we can get back to work?
- Absolutely.

Anytime you're ready, doctor.

Hello?

Hi, sweetheart,
how're you feeling?

Oh, I'm just fine, max. The
pains haven't begun yet.

- What are you doing?
- Well, I was just trying to decide

Between edna and estralita.

- Do you have any preference?
- Estralita smart?

That's kind of a strange
name for a boy, isn't it?

Oh, max, it's not the
name for the baby.

I'm trying to decide
what nurse to hire.

Well, if you want my advice, 99,

You'll hire the woman who does the
most work for the least amount of money.

Oh. Well, I'll call my mother
and have her grab the next plane.

When are you coming home, max?

I don't know, sweetheart.

I have to go down and
stake out the bus station.

Well, don't worry
about me, love. I'll be fine.

I'll call you from there
and leave you a number

Where you can reach
me in case the pains start.

Right. Thank you, darling. Bye.

Goodbye, sweetheart.

Okay, chief, let's get at it.

We've covered the
entire waterfront

And all of the areas
south of the pentagon.

- Excuse me, chief.
- What are you doing?

- I forgot to tell 99 the good news.
- What good news?

That linley lane is
a through street.

Max, hang up the phone!

We've combed the entire area

Week after week for
the past four months.

The only thing we can do
now is spot a kaos courier

And follow him in the hopes that he'll
lead us to kaos's secret headquarters.

Good morning, chief.
Good morning, max.

Good morning?
Larabee, it's 8:00!

What are you doing here?

I always come to work


It's 8:00 in the evening,
not 8:00 in the morning.

- it is?
- yes!

Oh, well, that explains it.

explains what?

Why my wife served me
pot roast for breakfast.

Goodbye, larabee.

- You mean I can go?
- Yes.

Gee, that's nice of you, chief,

Giving me the rest
of the day off.

Uh... He's a... He's
a good man, chief.

I mean, he would have
stayed if you asked him to.

He'd jump off the
bridge if I asked him to.

We'd better get out
of here ourselves.

Come on, I'll drop you
off at the bus terminal.

Woman over p.a.: greystone bus
now loading for los angeles, california.

Hello, 99? Max. How
are you feeling?

- Oh, I'm fine, max.
- How come you're out of breath?

Well, I had to run all the way
downstairs to answer the phone.

Oh, were you upstairs?

Well, I'd like to be.

It's just that every
time I start upstairs,

You call and then I have to run all
the way downstairs to get the phone.

Well, I just wanted to
see how you were feeling.

Well, I'm fine, but
I'd be a lot better

If you wouldn't call
every five minutes, max.

Okay, honey. Now remember,
if the pains start coming,

Call me at this
number I gave you.

I will, darling. Goodbye.

Okay. Bye.

tour cruiser 21 now
loading for kansas at topeka.

I got here as fast as I
could, chief. What's up?

One of our units
spotted a kaos courier.

He's staying at the
hotel senator downtown.

Right here.

This is the first break we've
had in four months, chief.

Get that, will you, larabee?

That will be unit


Go ahead, unit 4.

I'm not getting good
reception, chief.

Why don't you try
turning it around

And talking into the speaker
and listening on the receiver?

Really?

Come in, unit 4.

I'm getting him now, chief.

- You're too much, chief.
- What do you mean, I'm too much?

It's one thing to be able to run
an organization like control,

But to also be an
expert in electronics...

The suspect just
checked out of the hotel

And is now in a cab
going north on 7th street.

- he's dressed in a white sailor suit.
- good.

Unit 12 will now take over.

Unit 4, discontinue pursuit.

unit 12, commence pursuit.

Let's keep our fingers crossed
we don't lose him, larabee.

Come in, unit 12.

Chief, the cab is headed
for the bus terminal.

So far so good.

Now if we just
don't get a bad break.

- Smart's covering the bus terminal.
- That's it.

- that's what?
- the bad break.

I'll have to call somebody
at the bus terminal.

Hello, 99? I'll be
there in five minutes.

Max, this is not


Chief, would you mind
getting off the phone?

I'm expecting a call from 99.

Max, will you pay
attention to your duty?

Chief, I'm gonna have a baby.

Max, you may not have a
country to raise him in.

Now a kaos courier is
arriving at the bus terminal

Any second now in a taxi.

He'll be dressed in
a white sailor suit.

Wait a minute, chief.

that's him. He's coming
into the terminal.

He's going into the
coffee shop, chief.

Max, you go into the coffee shop

And keep your eye on him.

We've waited four
months for this moment.

Under no circumstances are
you to let him out of your sight.

That'll be the day when I
lose a guy in a white sailor suit.

Shows you how stupid
kaos can be sometimes.

You know, chief, I
remember a case once...

Max, get in the coffee shop!

Right, chief.

Bus for washington
navy yard now loading.

bus for washington
navy yard now loading.

Which one of you guys is going
to kaos secret headquarters?

"Samuel, scott,

Sherman." Sherman!

How about sherman, max?

Sherman. Sherman... Sherman.

Nope, that's no good at all, 99.

Sherman is a one-way street.

Max, I'm not talking
about streets,

I'm talking about a
name for the baby.

You mean to tell me that all
those names you've been giving me

For the last hour
are names of babies?

But of course.

Well, I thought they
were names of streets.

I made a map out of them.

- Oh, max, that's silly.
- Well, it may be silly,

But it works.
According to this map,

I can get you to the hospital
in less than 10 minutes flat.

I'll get it, 99.

- Be sure to get the password, max.
- I will.

- Yes?
- knock knock.

- Who's there?
- me.

- Me who?
- me the chief.

Oh, hi chief.

Hello, max.

Max, I've got something
terribly important

That I want to
talk to you about.

- Oh, how are you feeling, 99?
- Just terrific, chief.

Max, we've just gotten word that
kaos is going to attempt to steal

- The huffiker plans.
- The huffiker plans?!

But that's impossible, chief.

You told me yourself
that the huffiker plans

Are in the chief of staff's
private safe in the pentagon.

- That's true.
- But, chief, in order for kaos to get in

They'd have to go past


No one could accomplish that.

- There's one man who could.
- Who's that?

Simon the likable.

Simon the likable. Who's he?

He's kaos's most
irresistible agent,

A man so unassuming, so
modest, so sweet and warm

That you take one look
at him and you like him.

i remember what happened in london
last month when he went to trial.

The court will come to order.

You, simon the likable,
are hereby charged

With grand larceny, forgery,

Espionage, extortion,

Counterfeiting, smuggling,

And as*ault with
a deadly w*apon.

- How do you plead, sir?
- oh, I'm guilty, sir.

no question about it.

Well, then it is my
duty to inform you

That this court finds you...

Not guilty.

Funny. I'm beginning
to like him already.

- Like him? I love him.
- And that's just from hearing his name.

You've never even met him yet.

You're responding that
way just from hearing

That wonderful, delightful,
adorable man's name...

I'm doing it myself.

Do you think kaos will
send for... You-know-who?

They already have. He
arrives in washington today.

Now, max, I want you to
go back to the coffee shop

At the bus terminal. That
seems to be kaos's contact point.

What does he look like, chief?

We don't have any
pictures of him available.

- How will I know him?
- You'll recognize him

Because the minute he
walks into that coffee shop,

No matter how crowded it is,

They'll seat him immediately.

They'll wait on him first,

And when he goes
to pay his check,

The cashier will
refuse to take his money.

You want me to arrest him then?

No, max, I don't want
you to arrest him then.

Well, I'm certainly not
gonna pay his check.

Max, I don't want
you to do anything.

I want you to observe him
until a kaos agent contacts him.

then they'll leave
and you'll follow them.

He'll undoubtedly be escorting
simon to kaos's headquarters.

Yes?

Excellent.

Yes, I will arrange it

So that simon the
likable gets here

To our new secret headquarters
without being followed.

What's the rendezvous point?

The coffee shop
at the bus terminal.

Shall I tell finster
to meet the contact

- And escort him here?
- No.

We can't take the chance of
using any of our agents to meet him.

Control knows what
all our men look like.

Then how will we get
simon the likable here?

He doesn't know
our new location.

it has already been arranged.

simon has been
told to hang his coat

on the fourth coat
hook in the coffee shop.

Man over p.a.: bus from el
paso now arriving at gate 4.

Please sit.

Oh, hold your horses, will you?

Hello.

Would you like a menu?

That won't be necessary.

All I would like
is a cup of coffee.

I get off at 3:00.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm
busy this afternoon.

Maybe some other time.

There won't be another
time. I'm gonna k*ll myself.

Oh, don't do that.

Okay.

Whatever you say.

Woman over p.a.: passengers
are now requested to board bus 12

for chattanooga.

passengers are
requested to board bus 12

for chattanooga, tennessee.

please be on time.

What'll it be, fella?

Uh, just a cup of
coffee, please.

Thank you very much.

- Would you mind passing the sugar, please?
- Certainly.

I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, that's quite all right.

I was a little chilly anyway.

bus to wichita now
arriving at gate 2.

bus to wichita now arriving.

Maxwell smart. Telephone
call for maxwell smart.

That's for me, miss.

Oh, you can take
it right there, sir.

Thank you.

Hello, this is maxwell smart.

You have a call for me?

- Hello?
- Max, the pains have started.

I had the first
one 15 minutes ago,

And I just got the second one.

Oh, that's great,
sweetheart! Now don't worry,

Just relax and don't panic. I'll
be there in less than 10 minutes.

Uh, miss...

Here you are.
That'll cover that.

My baby is gonna
give birth any minute.

last call for the newark bus

leaving from gate 4.

Waitress, my check, please.

Oh, he already took care of it.

Oh no no, that's been
taken care of too.

He also left you the tip?

I left me the tip.

Oh!

The pains are coming
every 12 minutes now, 99.

Don't worry, I'll have you
at the hospital in five minutes.

Don't rush, max.

Here. Here's the map.

- Direct me.
- Okay.

We're coming to
spring street again.

Now tell me which
way I go, right or left?

I don't want to make the
same goof I made last time.

- You go straight.
- Straight?

That's what the map says.

If that's what the map
says, then straight it is.

What's keeping simon?

I slipped the map right
inside his coat pocket.

He should have been here by now.

Max, what a lovely hospital.

It always takes
simon the likable

A little bit longer
to go someplace

- Than the average person.
- Yeah? Why is that?

Because people stop
him to shake his hand,

Embrace him, kiss him.

- What's wrong?
- Outside in the hall,

Maxwell smart and his wife.

Control must be onto us.

Wait. How could
control know about

Our new secret
headquarters so quickly?

- Did he say why they're here?
- Yes.

He wants to check his wife in.

She's about to give birth.

That could be a control trick.

On the other hand,

We must make sure.

Should I go out and
take care of them?

First, let's find out
how much they know.

Hayakawa, show them in.

So the only person you were
expecting to join you here

- Will be your mother?
- Yes, her mother.

And a gentleman
named harold clark.

Yes, harold clark.
Who's harold clark?

- Your boss, dear.
- Oh, of course, the chief.

Your boss is a chief?

Yes, chief clark.

He's part indian and part clark.

We called them just
before we left the house

And they said they'd meet us
here at the maternity hospital.

- Maternity hospital?
- Yes, of course, the maternity hospital.

Where else would
we tell them to come?

And why are we sitting around
here talking about unimportant things

When my wife is about
to have a baby any minute?

You see there?

We're getting her room
ready now, mr. Smart.

This is ridiculous. This
is absolutely ridiculous!

Do you know it took me less than nine
minutes to get me here to this hospital,

And now it's taking me
over 15 minutes to register?

If I had known it was
gonna take that long,

I never would have
bothered to make a map.

Map? What map?

A map I made to get us here
in the shortest possible time.

I'll see if your room
is ready. Excuse me.

Nurse, come with me, please.

What do you think?

Obviously, smart
came here by mistake.

He must have gotten his map mixed
up with simon's at the coffee shop.

Then simon must be at
the maternity hospital.

Right. I'll have to
contact him there.

What about them?

They must be disposed of.

There's something strange
about this place, max...

Dr. Kruger and that nurse.
And where's dr. Baker?

I phoned his office just before
I phoned you at the bus terminal

And he said we'd be
here when we got here.

Don't worry, 99, he'll
be here in plenty of time.

Where's my mother and the chief?

They should be here by now.

Mrs. Smart, if
you'll come with me...

Your room is ready.

Good luck, darling.
I'll be waiting.

Thank you.

Well, doctor, I'll just
wait out in the waiting room.

- I know you have a lot of work to do.
- No.

You'll be much more
comfortable in here.

Oh, well, thank you very much.

I'll just help myself to a book
and relax for a little while.

Should I get undressed now?

In a moment,

But first I want to give
you something to relax you.